A well written vignette but it doesn't really touch on the description given. There's a mood here certainly but it's never developed. a man in a trench coat does not a ghost make. We see no progress of any character except for the unnamed narrator and he simply returns to his book. His observations made but nothing coems from them. This really needs more development. Duke Stone
Certainly no flames deserved here! you've told a well crafted tale that does have some rough spots but those can be polished out with careful rereading and rewriting whihc is the heart of all good writing. I enjoyed the story and the world and the break neck pace at which the action moved. it all seemed to fit well together. A nice read. Duke Stone
The poem tells a great story and does so very effectively. I'm not sure that rhyming couplets are the best form for this to take but it does produce some interesting effects, reminding me of a fairy tale. You should reread with an eye towards editing as I spotted a few typos that could use correcting but over all a nicely written poem. Good Writing...Duke_Stone
A very glowing a vivid tribute to a great city that I'd love to visit some time. Your descrpition made me hunger to see it and your longing made me feel the pangs of homesickness. Your bond with this place must be stronger than time or space for your words trace a spell that erases both. There were a couple of places that the rhyme seemed a bit forced but overall this is yet another excellent piece. Good Writing...Duke Stone
A very moving and thought provoking poem. I could feel the pain and mental distress of the soldiers and yes it's a shame that such equality exists in this land or any land for that matter but we can't hope for prefection from an imperfect world. There has always been hunger and pain and anguish and there always will be until the last man has walked upon this planet. Good Writing and thanks for making me think...Duke Stone
A touching and yet disturbing scene. It makes a powerful statement but at the smae time it lacks a lot because it doesn't give the reader any emotional involvement with the characters. It works on a level as a statement or a sound bit on a television ad but it needs really to be fleshed out to become more than that. Your usual work really develops the characters and tyo be honest this detour really threw me, lol.. then again maybe you meant for it too..lmao...Good Writing...Duke Stone
I usually thing of a song as the whole piece so I'm not able to comment o0n it as a song but as a piece of stand alone poetry the words flow well and move with great passion. The longing to right things drips from the words and the emotion is strong. I find the chorus to be the mostr poetic part of the poem as it sums up the singer's(writer's) feelings. Good Writing...Duke Stone
A very deeply moving poem and one I'm sure most people (especially writers) can sympathize with. Sometimes I'm the person on the other side I'm afraid, the one who simply wants the peace of silence. I've lived inside my head most of my life with the words whispering their seductive sounds to me, lering me deeper into my own imagination. Sometimes the lure becoems too strong and the world fades around me. Ah well so is life. Good Writing...Duke Stone
This poem is almost over powering in its raw emotion but the excessive repition in the last have really hurts its message to me. I found myself wanting to skip over the "you done me wrong list" without giving it the attention it desevered simply because it came across as a laundry list. This is a powerful if flawed poem. Good Writing...Duke Stone
There are a couple of places where the rhymes seemed forced and it interupts the overall flow of the poem but for the most part it moves well and creates both a nice atmosphere and very vivid imagery. the only other rough spot was "I can't wait until I lunge, grab and hear you gasp
Out a sobbed prayer, as I rip off your sweet head."
This one was just out of place somehow. Perhaps rewriting it with a different phrasing would help. Good Writing...Duke Stone
This poem is deeply moving and deeply disturbing as it's meant to be. The emotions come through strong though I"m not sure the simple rhyme scheme really fits the depth of the story you're trying to tell. The illogical nature of his act underscres the insanity that waits for each of us to make that single bobble over the line. Good Writing...Duke Stone
This is a really well written story and I like the use of realistic firearms though I thought that lake Erie was a fresh water lake, so the slat air refrences kinda threw me. The beginning paragraph could be streamlined a bit but over all the story is good and the action moves well, especially the first werewolf fight. Good Writing...Duke Stone
The use of poisons in controlling the prarie dog's population is indeed unfortunate. I'm really suprised that they didn't sue hunters as the primary control there making it a profitable venture for the goverment as well as controlling the population. Your article is very impassioned and does indeed raise awareness and concern. It has the feel of a nice editorial piece. Good Writing...Duke Stone
well it asks a question however it might be better as a prayer than a statement of philosophy as it is a question which holds context only to the one asking the question and God, so no way for anyone else to form a valid opinion. A nice idea but it needs to be set within a context. Good Writing...Duke Stone
A very nicely written piece that flows well and creates some very vivid and often distrubing iamges in one's mind. On the technical side I could find nothing to point out and the feel of the piece made me loathe to even try. Good Writing...Duke Stone
This poem has a very deep and disturbing theme and you paint some very vivid imagery but the Technical aspects of the poem really need to be adressed. I would suggest a good edit for word usage, punctuation and spelling. one of the most obvious is "her innocents maimed" should be innocence instead. A promising piece that could be better with work. Good Writing...Duke Stone
I love the atmosphere of this one. you conjuer a world so near and yet so far. This is a side of you I've only glimpsed before. Avery nicley written piece and very descrpiptive. I knew all along that you were hiding your candle under a bushel. Glad to see you trying the site out.
This is a nicely written story for the most part, though I would like to see the younger sister's character developed more. I also spotted a couple of typo and tense usage problems that detract from the story. The main one being fasinated=which should be fasinating. A nice effort that could be made nicer with some polish. Good Writing...Duke Stone
A nicely crafted slice of life with a touch of wistfulness without falling into sentimentalism. I really enjoyed the read. The images were vivid and strong in my mind and I walked by her side as she walked the rows, listenign as a friend might. A very nice piece. Good Writing...Duke Stone
This poem has real potential but it needs work. One of the major things that would help is breaking it up into stnzas to help seperate the thoughts. also the stanzas could be a bit more ordered to allow the verse some uniformity. As it stands I found myself becoming lost in places and having to reread to find where the gears had shifted. Some revision and polishing would do wonders for this piece. If you decide to edit it let me know and I'll be glad to reread and revise my rating...Good writing...Duke Stone
This one has potential and the flow is there for the most part however the lack of puncuation and capitilization really throws the reader off as to the pace of the poem. Commas especially would be nice in a couple of places. This one has potential but needs work. Good writing...Duke Stone
I really enjoyed this story and look forward to the continuation. Your feel for the interaction between the boy and the dragon are dead on and the way you show the reader what is happening instead of narrating it to us is really great. I found myself falling under the spell of this one almost from the beginning. This is truly one of the best pieces I've read in a long time. Good Writing...Duke Stone
As a scene it works ok but there really isn't much developement as far as plot goes and the way you describe your heroine hints that her looks are the reason for an improvement in her life. There are lots of good looking people who sufffer as much or maybe even more than "normal" people because of their looks. You really need to explain her history and ecaxtly how the change came to take place. I see you have left the door open for more development in this area and that makes me curious to see it after you've made it progress. Over all a good scene with potential to be a good story. Duke Stone
I loved though I think perhaps focusing more on aspects of chocolate in the descrpitions might have made it more symbolic but a very well written, fun poem full of descripitve imagery that pulled me into it. Techincally I didn't notice any flaws... Good Writing...Duke Stone
ok not enough here to really say anything about plot etc but must admit the short piece has me hooked it has enough dark undertones to cause me to want to see more.Excellent build up and dialogue. There wasn't any technical errors that I could detect. Well done and looking forward to more. Duke Stone
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