A well written story that held me from start to finish. My only suggestion would be to show more of the events. It would lengthen the story but would help the reader to really become involved in it, a part of the events. Your characters were dead on and really helped to carry the story. The end seemed a bit rushed with the secert of Rachel being revealed without enough lead up and that seemed to be juat a bit out of place. A nicely done tale that kept me reading and could be a great one with just a bit of revision and polish. I hope my thoughts help in some small way. Good writing, Duke Stone
A well written story that revealed the evil in us all. The imagery is good and the final chase/fight scene flowed well and with plenty of suspense. The ending might have been drawn out for a bit more effect, a more graphic depiction of the scene as she discovers she's blind, perhaps. I noticed a couple of small capitalization/punctuation errors but nothing major. Good writing, Duke Stone
A poignant poem that captures the anguish well. Some of your lines seem chopped , perhaps for effect but it makes the poem uneven. The First two stanzas flow fairly well with a long sweeping movement then the thrid comes across as chopped, choked, hurried.
Overall this is a nice poem that with a bit of revision could be a great one. Good writing, Duke Stone
Well this one makes a good morality tale, getting the point across in a clear way but like most stories of that nature it ends up coming across as a bit flat and one dimensional. This story has potential but you need to develope the characters to make them seem alive. I got more real emotion from your afterword than the story itself. Make the characters as alive as you did your descriptions of friends and family in the afterword and you've got it right. That was a really moving piece.
If you have any thoughts or questions or if there's any way that I can help please let me know until then, Good writing, Duke Stone
lol...this one is a nice chuckle though you would think that some one so devoted to talk would be willing to discuss the birds and the bees, if for no other reason than he might have to do an ad campaign for a hany manufacturor or a nursery sometime... At any rate I enjoyed it though thought that the punchlines could havce been stronger with some rewriting to enhance the conversation and the mis understanding. Good writing, Duke Stone
This one seemed a bit rushed. I don't review a lot of scripts but this one moved too quickly towards a too readily seen conclusion. There were some scenes that really sparkled and the dialogue was original but the plot really needs a bit of work. Perhaps a twist or just a bit more added to build the suspense? (I admit to being unaware of any time constraints you might face.) A nice story that could be great with some rewriting. Duke Stone
Wow!Powerful dark and compelling. A great read that repels the reader but still forces them to watch unblinking as the horror unfolds. I have written more than a few dark pieces myself and this rings of truth. The best ones come from deep inside and this one left me breathless with its intensity and dark majesty. A Good writing, Duke Stone
I think I can see where the poem is trying to go but it loses its way. the poem becomes more stilted as it progresses. You have a good platform here but it needs polished and honed. The end ryhmes and cadence could be improved to help carry the meaning. Just some thoughts, If I can be of any help just let me know, Duke Stone
This one is a bit jumbled and confusing in it's current state. I would suggest streamling the plot a bit when you rewrite and also playing the pirates as more than merely "hippies". They seem to be lost in the generation but there's still too much distracting confusion going on. A good story that could be much improved with some fine toning and perhaps a clearer vision of where Its going. I greatly enjoyed the captain's offbeat sense of humor. Good writing, Duke Stone
The poem is thought provoking and moving. The images are clear cut and ring true. The only thing that distracted me from this one was the changing POV and the unusual use of the lower case i, however it caused me to reread for a clearer meaning so maybe it's not a bad thing. Good writing, Duke Stone
A very interesting story. I was intrigued by using a fairly straight forward fantasy story to bring forth biblical truths. There's still some serious work to be done as the action some times disintergrates into mish-mash of he moved, he moved and loses the reader.
A very nice eforrt and an interesting spin on an old saw. Good writing, Duke Stone.
A well done and evocative poem that creates the scene well for the reader, allowing thewm into that moment. There were a couple of minor glitches but over all a nicely written poem. One is the use of "threw" which in this context is a bit archacic the other is the line, "Is it her God has her time come" which would really benefit from punctuation or some other means of slowing the pace down and making it more readable. The whole poem would probably read better with punctuation but if you choose not to use it then perhaps some alternative for this line could be found?
Again a nicewly written poem. Duke Stone
A nicely written story over all though it could use some work.
Things I liked about the Story. The scene is the best thing about this one. You vividly transport your reader into the cave and the wonders that the teens witness.
Things I didn't like about it. Your prologue is too dry and your characters come across as flat in it. They start to develope more in the first chapter but if you plan on grabbing readers you're gonna have to punch up the prologue some as it is what will need the hook. In fact it is so intergral to the story that it rightly should be the first chapter. I would also advise trying to vary the characters a bit more in speach and mannerisms. You started in the right direction in the first chapter I look forward to seeing more development in this area.
Overall impression a nice story that once it captured my intrest held it. A bit slow starting but you have real potential here. Good writing, Duke Stone
A nice little slice of life story. I'm not sure if there were word constraints on this one but it could use a bit of beefing up. The theme is a good one but there's no snags along the way, this one doesn't really build any suspense as it jsut allows us to watch things flow smoothly, perhaps too smothly. A good story that could be better with a bit of work, Duke Stone
An interesting telling of an interesting life. I really enjoyed the idea of viewing a life through our belongings. I would love to read more especially on the cancer patients who face such insurmountable odds. Too often in the land of plenty we forget that are still those who do without next door. We worry about the plight of other countries but forget the guy living in a cardboard box downtown. Anyway I digress, A wonderful bio and Good writing, Duke Stone
An interesting story. I really enjoyed this one and am looking forward to future installments. The dialogue really carries the story and does so well. The descriptions at the beginning leave things a bit vague as to time setting though it becoems clearer as the story progresses and this might be a good thing as it weaves it closer with the old myths and legends. Good writing, Duke Stone
I enjoyed this one, especially the charactersation of the boy who is the focal point and lens of the story. You see his family through his eyes. Great writing as usual. The only thing I found a bit distracting was the way you bold faced select words in the story. I really think they would have carried the same weight without that little "extra" and found it a bit distracting. Then again I'm old fashioned so what do I know? Once more, good writing, Duke Stone
A nicely written horror tale that grips the reader and keeps them reading. The characters come to life well , though if word space permits it would be great to see a bit more of mallory before the obession takes hold. Overall a well done story. Duke Stone
The very beginning is a little confusing, not so much in what it says but the sentence structure in a couple of spots however after that hiccup things smooth out and this becomes a great read. The characters come to life and really engage the reader. Good writing ... Duke Stone
This one has a lot going for it. I really enjoyed the cadence and flow of the piece. We moved at a nice brisk pace toward the end, wondering what we would find. I was a bit distracted by the way you seperated the "in" from each word and at first thought that it was for the visual effect of the spaces aligning throughout the verse but the last couple of verses lost that so I'm left wondering if it's a technique that helps here. A great poem that could be even better. Good writing, Duke Stone
I'm aware that you may have been under space limitations here but I have to say that your story would be much satronger if you show instead of tell the details and let the reader find out as it happens to the characters. This is a good story that could be much better with a careful edit and revision. Good writing, Duke Stone
A strong beginning to a very disturbing and though provoking concept. Our own fraility and smallness in the vastness of nothing. The end almost apeared to be an afterthought, a way of pulling yourself off a course of headlong collision with that vast emptiness and the insanity the human mind might find there. A very inspired effort.
A different take on revenge to be sure, this one was a story that has the right ingriedients but left me feeling not quite full. The ending seems too pat and that intrudes into the suspension of disbelief that the reader has allowed since the story began. A good story that could use some improvements. Good writing... Duke Stone
.
This is a nice poem about that grand first touch of love. The flow is there and so is the emotion every line making the reader want to read the next.
As for a new title I would suggest "As One". The concept is really what's at the heart of your poem.
This is a nice story with a lot of potential going for it. The description at the begining leaves the reader a bit lost though. The sentences seem to be a bit chopped and they don't flow quite as smoothly as they could. You have a great piece here but it could be even better with a careful rewrite to put some emotion and reality into it.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dukestone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 8:45pm on Jul 10, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
