I really liked this story. The fact that if you give something awareness and then an aptitude to learn you have set it on the road to life. that he was upgrading her to an older woman is even more fantastic a well done story. Good writing, Duke Stone
Well being more than a few years removed from the teen angst scene I had a bit of problem connecting with the characters. To be honest Stella came across as the most honest character, her reactions ringing true. Oh on the subject of Stella you mistakenly refer to her as Anna in one spot of the story. Ben works great as a "coming out" character but is a bit two dimensional to actually carry the story. Right now he's just "the gay kid" What you need to do is make the reader see him as Ben who happens to be gay and the story will be a lot stronger. Just a few thoughts that I hope help. Good writing, Duke Stone
A nicely written poem though to be honest the loss of my sight terrifies me. A writer could do with out so much but to be unable to see the words to know they were transcribed true. That is a hard prospect to face.I take solace in the fact that you found something deeper to replace that. Good writing, Duke Stone
A very vivid scene with great imagery. this one is well written but I would suggest breaking it into paragraphs to ease the reading of it. When you first open it appears as just a giant box of writing, solid and foreboding. This probably happened when you uploaded. I ran into this myself and had to learn to click the maintain punctuation box under preferences. I really enjoyed spending a bit of time fishing with you. Good writing, Duke Stone
A well written poem about a subject that is often broached but seldom covered in the electronic vapor called the net. We have different interactions with people over the electrons and into the essence of cyberspace for lack of a better term and it frees something within. Some emotions often become intensified and the world of the physical fades leaving only the world of the mind yet some how it is both more and less than the one we leave behind. A poem that bravely and eloquently reveals it to all eyes. Good writing, Duke Stone
Perfection. Not since Pippi Longstockings has a girl captivated em so quickly. could see her with hands on hips nodding and taking off for the hose. A wonderful character that deserves far more than a single flash fiction. You have a winner here. Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderful, inspiring and heartwarming tale though if you find time and muse there is much lurking beyond this. the empress may very well be declared mad by her own military, a coup in the works. The scientists might bribed to discredit their leaders findings. So many ways this could progress. If you choose to walk that path let me know I'd love to read , in the meantime gotta say. Good writing, Duke Stone
Well have got to say your approach is refreshing and one that more should consider. Considering the general freedom of sexual discourse that is bandied about at schools, internet and every where else this is still a taboo subject to many. Kudos for both speaking out about it and telling your little girl the straight of it. Good writing, Duke Stone
A dark and deeply disturbing story for anyone who spends a lot fo time in front of their computer for it shows how fragile our grasp with the world around us is and how easily we can stumble on the long slide to madness. A very vivid and well imagined cautionary tale to be sure. Good writing, Duke Stone
A haunting and wonderful tale fearsome in its scope and power. I enjoyed it immensely thanks to the character of Demetria Barker. She is part little girl and part philosopher with the wisdom of the world riding heavily on her shoulders. Lily works great as a narrator but Demetria steals the show as the total package. Loved this one. Good writing, Duke Stone
A well done story that I must say brings hope for the genre. A lot of these I read are totally plot driven and in packing so much into a small package they forget to include just why I should care. You managed to not only bring to life but captivate me with your characters. A beautiful and enchanting story that truly deserves an ending(sequel). Good writing, Duke Stone
Wow a wonderfully moving story that really cuts tot he heart of so much. True lessons to be learned from that and if taken to heart this world will be a much better place. I enjoyed reading your memories and sharing your desire to pass these insights on to others in your family. If only all could learn that lesson. Good writing, Duke Stone
Wonderful, wonderful story. A fun read with tongue in cheek and hammer in hand. enjoyed it and the characters were well rounded and real. One problem though is that in a few places you called Mable , Edna. I know this sounds like the proverbial picking of nits but it truly does distract the reader and make him have to shift mental gears. Edna is especially confusing as it not only means referring to her in two different names but Ed and Edna are so close as to call for a second read to be sure who is speaking. Other than that though it was perfect. Good writing, Duke Stone
But what happens then? A well written story that appeals to me because I suffer from some of, okay, a lot of, the same issues... my port has a half dozen tales running right now as I work on refining, defining and polishing characters of started stories that were somehow never quite finished.
A lively and thought provoking bit of randomness that I deduce lead to the later modern literary wonder of "Gator" (a read I really enjoyed as an aside) You do take a down to earth view of the supernatural and its refreshing to read a southern voice. Be well, and good writing, Duke Stone
I'm going to reserve rating this one until I can read it. You need to really check formatting and find out why the story is getting chopped off in the middle so you can't read it. It looks promising and I'd love to read this one. Good writing, Duke Stone... ok it won't let me send without rating lmao.. let me know and I'll read and revise my rating then,
An interesting poem that reads as a combination parable and song. Very nice imagery which is strong and clear. The reader is carried along by the stanzas, leading them from one point to the next. Toiling over this poem much as the gardener did his field. Good writing, Duke Stone
Pure and sweet. Words to fire the mind and enflame the soul. The power of this one it tangible and all too real as the reader is pulled into her world willingly and even though neither is described you see them so clearly in the mind's eye. A wonderfully done poem. Good writing, Duke Stone
A well done , intelligent and carefully imagined story. You captured the prince well and made him more than a cardboard cut out. A hero in his own right instead of a backdrop. Good writing, Duke Stone
A nice, fun little poem there are a couple of word usages that look off to me i.e. to much should be too but can probably chalk it to typos as Lord knows I'm plagued myself. The flow moves well and is lyrical in quality which really makes a poem to me. well done and ... Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderful little poem that is both simple and profound. Words that encourage and astound. Yet as I walk away with my thoughts a whirl. Sensing the loving, caring girl. Who wrote these lines and made these rhymes. But there is only one thought that just won't die. Is she blonde, burnette or red head bye the bye? ...sorry couldn't resist.. Good writing, Duke Stone
A offbeat and different story with an ending reminiscent of War of the Worlds. Your characters need a bit of expanding to make them come alive but you're on the right track with your leader. also something to consider, if the aliens knew water was their weakness wouldn't they make suits to protect them much in way we make armor? just some ideas hope they help. Good writing, Duke Stone
A fun read that delighted me..Having raised Red's in the past I really enjoyed this one. Now if you could have worked in a line about a buff it would be perfect. Had me laughing snickering, giggling and even a chortle or two. Good writing, Duke Stone
A wonderfully imaginative and vividly visualized world. A great little story that works as stand alone as well as part of larger tapestry.This one has a lot going for it and especially the strong characters. You could feel the tension grow and the moods shift between them. A well written and enjoyable story. Good writing, Duke Stone
This story is really more of a scene and that a bit fragmented. As a dream fragment it tells just what you saw but as a work of fiction it falls short. You need to consider polishing and focusing the plot more. a third person POV with more characterization for the boy and perhaps even the mystical woman he is running towards would go a long way. Characters sell the story. If the reader doesn't care what happens to the character then it is a dead story to my mind. If you rewrite then send me an email and I'll gladly give it another read. You have potential with this one just need to focus and add the elements of story telling. Things I do like about it are the clear and vivid imagery which makes it so easy for the reader to see the hall and it's occupants. You can feel the closeness of it and the boy's exertions, you just need to make us care why we feel it. What makes us identify with him and his fate. Duke Stone
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