A wonderful poem. I love the vivid imagery and the feelings of warmth and belonging this one creates in the mind and heart of the reader. The flow moves the reader along at just the right pace as wonder after wonder is revealed to eager eyes. Good writing ... Duke Stone
This one really needs some work. The anguish of your depression comes through clearly however that's about all that does. The poem is disjointed and hard on the reader to try and follow. I detect a storyline underlying it but its too vague to make out. Rereading and revising this oen with an eye towards making it clearer will also succeed in making it more powerful for understanding is power. The reader feels because he can understand the plight of your character. I look forward to reading more of your work and would be glad to give a reread to this one if you choose to revise it. Duke Stone
A nicely written and inspiring poem but I think its a tad short to convey the depth of emotion you're reaching for. It almost gets there then falls a bit short. The imagery is well done but sparse, in a poem of this nature I would expect to be able to conjur a clearer picture. If I went into this one without knowing what she looked like to begin with I'd be totally lost. In all a good poem that could be great. Good writing ... Duke Stone
I can see that this is a work in progress and it does have some real potential but it works too hard to put too much in a small space as it stands. More showing instead of telling would go a long way here. Allow the events to happen "real time" with the writer and reader as observers. I would like to see the sotry enlarged to allow the scenes to develope as it would make a huge difference in the readers empathy towrds them and their plight. The scene between Isi and Brandon was a step in the right direction. Over all a good first draft that still needs polish. Good Writing ... Duke Stone
A well thought out free verse but I found it bit distracting when you switched from "he" to "I". The flow was good for the most part conveying a lyrical sense of soft, slow music. The rhythm however jangled when You shifted in the last stanza. This si a goods poem that could be better. Good writing...Duke Stone
I liked this one but it just didn't have quite the smae emotional impact on me that "My daddy killed a child tonight" did. Perhaps it was the immedancy of the situation as it was all happening in the "now". This is a nicely written poem and well done. Good writing ... Duke Stone
I liked ther concept and the story was well done and suspenseful, with the interaction between characters ringing true. The ending how ever left me a bit dissappointed. With the build up of great misfortune, one would expect more than the tablet wiped clear and back to square one. A good story that could be better...Good writing ... Duke Stone
The majesty of this poem shines through and that is its strong point. It moves the reader with a slow , almost dirge like quality. I'm not sure why you use the rows of periods, perhaps as spacers, but the poem would flow much better with simplier punctuation. The lyrical flow of your words is great you just need some work on the structure as it does tend to distract the reader. Good writing ... Duke Stone
A moving and touching tribute to a mother's love that left me with tears. Each line seemed as carefully crafted and lovingly made as that mother's gentle touch. This little poem was one of the best and most touching that I've read in a long time. Great, great work. Good writing...Duke Stone
This one has lots of potential and I love the concept but it needs some work. The way you start out with a rhyme scheme then switch back and forth between rhyming and free verse confuses and distracts the reader, which keeps them from enjoying the power that the piece is potentially capable of delivering. Your style tends more towards free verse and some of the best lines had a great lyrical quality to them. I would suggest rereading it and listen to the way it sounds in your head. This is a good piece that could be great with a bit of work. Good writing...Duke Stone
Well this one has a tongue in cheek feel that I like though I may not agree with all of your conclusions. I remember those years of wondering which way to turn and to be honest it feels as if they've descended upon us again. A nice little slice of life piece with jsut a bit of political commentary thrown in(or is it the other way around?) Either way it was a thoughtful read. Good writing ... Duke Stone
This one is good but the changing size of the stanzas distracted me a bit. The flow is good as is the imagery which is so filled with a wistful longing. Emotion is,perhaps, the best judge of a poem and this one left me sighing...Good writing..Duke Stone
A nicely written poem. I usually perfer free verse for this type of poem but you manage to use rhymes effectivelt here. The flow was sprightly and set the tone for the entire poem. This one reminded me of an old dell comics back up feature from way back when entitled Brothers of the Spear. Good writing...Duke Stone
Well you've caught my interest and I'm not even a huge romance fan...though it could be I'm a huge western fan... I was going through my old emails and remembered the great read of Unto This Bow and decided I'd come see what you had been doing lately. I like this one and the cover really seems to set the tone of the book. Duke Stone
A deeply moving piece on ther state of poverty in India. The story was deeply emotional without getting overly sentimental and the boy's plight seemed real to the reader. The sentence structure in some part of the story tends to hamper the flow but it takes a back seat to the depth of the emotions presented so ably within. Good Writing...Duke Stone
This poem is full of emotion and has a strong sense of imagery but the flow is erratic. For most of the poem you use an ABAB rhyme scheme but there are places you just toss it aside. This tends to throw the reader and disrupt the flow. This is a nice poem that could be great with some polish. Good writing...Duke Stone
I really enjoy the imagery of this piece.You have a gift for finding beauty and interest in every day objects. The flow moves at a quick pace, perhaps a tad too quick. I am glad you use punctuation to slow the reader down but it might not hurt to break it into stanzas of four, two couplets to a line. A fun read. Good writing...Duke Stone
I like this piece a lot. There are a couple of rough spots to the flow and without further development I can't really comment on it's progression as a story but the imagery is powerful and moving and the characters demand your sympathy even in such a short space. Good writing...Duke Stone
This is a great story and in my mind's eye I see it as an illustrated children's book. You might want to have the other elephants skittish of him...hey he doesn't have a nose! and perhaps show a couple of scenes of him looking for it... A simple he loked in the grass and in the forest, just something to give them an idea of what transpired during the day and maybe have him and his mother have to sleep outside the herd that night and him frightyened and worried when he sees the star. These are jsut suggestion for giving it a bit of suspense but it's a really fun read as it stands so feel free to ignore them all. I really ewnjoyed this one...Duke Stone
The emotion is strong in its intesnity and compelling but the flow is uneven, the feel of the poem itself distracting from your meaning.Perhaps the best way to express this would be in free verse as opposed to using the end rhymes. You have a nice poem here which could be more. Good writing...Duke Stone
A good beginning as the poem has great imagery and lots of emotion but it does need fine tuned a bit. The rhymes in some spots miss and in one instance the rhyme scheme changes which distracts the reader by interupting the flow. Also in the opening line "To" may need to be "Too". Overall it's a nice poem. Good writing... Duke Stone
Great writing! There was only one minor snag in the entire poem ... "The silence thought her how to stay awake and repeat the memory of the first and last kiss she had ever had, touching and hugging the oak tree in the memory of him." Perhaps you meant taught instead of thought in this line? It did leave me pondering for a second otherwise though the poem is dead on. I really enjoyed it! Good Writing ... Duke Stone
The opening has great imagery and the suspense you build is well done. I could feel my heart beating a bit faster as we drew ever closer to the climax.
The ending is a bit ambigious for my tastes but it does fit well with this type of moral story. Often we find our way of life perverted and corrupted not from outside sources but from within. this is a great example of that. Good writing...Duke Stone
A very emotional poem. Your emotion is what carrries it really with it's power and dread sense of certainty. I would love to see you wrk with it, expand it to include some imagery and polish what is here for this one has potential to be really great, just needs some work. Writing , as anyone will tell you. should really be called rewriting for that's where the real work gets done and the words are honed to that razor's edge. Good writing...Duke Stone
There are a few typos in here and the rhythm could use a bit of polish. Just let the words flow in your head and you'll see what I'm talking about but this is a very nice poem with lots of potential to be a great one! The emotion and the imagery are there it jsut needs honed and polished a bit. Good writing...Duke_Stone
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