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676
Review of Verbal Visions  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review number # 4 of week July 17, 2014

Hi Aundria

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Fairy Queen's Gift

First Impression: This reads out loud very smoothly. Nice images.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the poem is very well done.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the closing stanza with the fairies special power to spread Christmas joy all the year instead of just the one night in the winter hour. It gives you hope that good things can happen if you just believe.

Overall Impression: God job, enjoyed reading your entry for Marci's 10 days of Christmas in July.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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677
677
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 3 of week July 17- 23rd, 2014

Hi Intuey,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Empathic Fairy

First Impression: Interesting title, made me curious as to why this fairy was strikingly different.

What I liked: The image of Serenada pouting as Princess Cinnamon tried to converse with her about all she had accomplished. Instead Serenada was wrapped up in herself oblivious to the harm she was creating for the Princess.

What needs your attention: Nothing in my opinion.

Favorite Parts: How her positive influence affected the towns people, it is true that one person can make a difference if they believe in themselves, clearly Serenada did.

Overall Impression: Enjoyable read, good luck in 10 days of Christmas in July.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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678
678
Review of God Rest Ye ...  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review number # 2 of week July 17-23

Hi Ken

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: God Rest Ye

First Impression: The teasing comment that you were going to write something dark drew me in like a moth to a flame.

What I liked: The anger Jess felt at the loss of Clarissa's life. I could feel the frustration in your words as I read. I did not see her dying coming as I read, excellent climax to a enjoyable read.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: Jess holding the two sticks in the shape of a cross holding off the evil spawn/gargoyle while he knelt beside Clarissa. I thought the simple kindness in gently closing her eyes and the taste of his salty tears was a perfect closure to an unsettling event in a serene location.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed reading your entry in 10 Days of Christmas in July.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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679
679
Review of Red Rose  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review number # 1 of week July 17-23, 2014

Hi Jen

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Red Rose

First Impression: I love roses too!

What I liked: The image of the soft silky buds ever flowing that came to mind.

What needs your attention: The last line in the second stanza I think would sound better if you put And, I feel sad again. The way it is and feel sad yet again just does not sound right when read outloud.

Favorite Parts: The comparison of the red rose to sweet soft red lips to kiss. I love the feel of a rose as well, so in my mind I knew exactly what you meant.

Overall Impression: This poem with some work could be awesome. I feel it needs some more details about the rose, maybe more comparisons so the reader can connect on more than one level

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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680
680
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 8 of week July 9-16, 2014

Hi R J Smith

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and 48 HRS Mission to Read Newbies.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Day Off At The Zoo

First Impression: I loved the visual imagery created with all the animals doing things they normally would not.

What I liked: The fun portrayed from beginning to end in the poem, especially with the author just standing idly by with a set of keys. Yes, I like the first ending best.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it flows very well. I read it out loud to my granddaughter who laughed as I read about the silliness of the different animals especially cows having chocolate milk and the elephant on the couch watching tv like her Dad. I would center the poem because visually that tells the reader how confident you are in your work want to make it jump off the page to the reader with each word.

Favorite Parts: The easy connection children and adults can make with this creative poem.

Overall Impression: Excellent work.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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681
681
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review number 7 # of July 10-16, 2014 week

Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and 48 Hr. Mission to Read Newbies.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Mommy through Emma's eyes. In a title all the words should be capitalized.

First Impression: My heart wept for the baby to begin her life in such a manner.

What I liked: How strongly the Mom fought for her child, and that Emma knew where her Momma was during the ordeal. That bond between Mom and child is so important.

What needs your attention:" I can still remember the day I was born so much ciaos (chaos) and sound." spelling error "My body so cold and bare ,and my heart barley (barely) had a pound. spelling error I believe wouldn't would sound better than couldn't in this line-"to try to make my mommy feel better but mommy couldn't listen." In this sentence were should be where " So here is were I lost my faith"
Another spelling error, "Yelling at the doctors to get in hear" hear should be spelled here.

Favorite Parts: Emma and Momma were both made stronger by the battle they faced together.

Overall Impression: Everyday with your daughter is a blessing. I hope you always remember that. Writing will give you an outlet whenever you find the time. I believe with some editing you can make this a stronger poem.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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682
682
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review number # 5 of week July 10-16, 2014

Hi J'nell

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and 48 Hr. Read A Newbie Mission.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Terrorist Threat Called Cancer

First Impression: My heart goes out to the author I am way to familiar with her battle. Chemo is not easy no matter hard you mentally prepare.

What I liked: How the author stated directly what she did and what to expect. Cancer is very difficult and this poem really encourages the reader to face the battle head on.

What needs your attention: Spelling error chemical- "Shooting Toxic Chemiacals and exposure to burn". This should broke down into two lines to keep your rhyming sequence- "Cancer the terrorist, has no chance, for my inner Cancer assassination rants!"
I believe you were looking for filled up not filed-"Breast tissue filed up and sloshed like a wave."

Favorite Parts: Cancer has struck, the author like me wanted to scream but instead faced the battle with courage and strength through out the ordeal. Congratulations!

Overall Impression: J'nell this poem would be more visually powerful if you centered the poem and placed a space between the title and your name and another space before the first line begins. It is a very good poem and begs to boldly jump off the page to the reader. You have every reason to proudly display this excellent poem.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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683
683
Review of a pendulum  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review number # 4 of week July 10-16, 2014

Hi Somehow,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and Read A Newbie Mission

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Pendulum

First Impression: I was curious what attracted the author to the sway of a pendulum.

What I liked: The author struggling with being not scared and scared. It is hard to face one's fears but even more frightening when one does not fear anything. That is a more dangerous situation in my opinion. Fear is a healthy and natural emotion.

What needs your attention: When a author centers his work on the page it visually says to the reader that the author feels confident about his work and is excited to share it. " to safely" would sound better as to safety. In this line, you have the word forms pluralized but with the letter a it is in singular form " appearing in a forms' Just drop the a. In this line you need the word to added "I stopped believe"

Favorite Parts: I am scared of players more than the fear of playing. That indicates to me the author is thinking more about the bigger picture than just himself. I was glad to see in the next stanza that everything paused and no new harm occurred

Overall Impression: The author made a very good attempt in writing in English it is a difficult language to master. There are some things I noted above that need fixing but overall I feel that you did a great job.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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684
684
Review of Forgotton  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 3 of week July 10-16, 2014

Hi Amanda. Your first name is the same as my youngest daughter.

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Forgotten.

First Impression: I wondered what happened to the man that the author feared her attraction of him.

What I liked: His presence I felt, I tried not to melt. It has been 14 years for my husband and I, to this day I still sense his presence and feel my silly heart skip. It has been that way from the first time I met him. Love is powerful and compels you whether you want it to or not.

What needs your attention: I feel the author would gain by visually presenting this poem by centering it. When a poem is centered it jumps out to the reader saying look at me. I think it shows the authors confidence in their work and they are proud of their work. You have every reason to be.

Favorite Parts: I think the heart bared showing it has been damaged and changed says a lot about the man's character.

Overall Impression: The man appears to be a work in progress, hopefully he becomes everything he can be. I know that is easier said then done, but hope is eternal.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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685
685
Review of Aftershock  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review number # 2 of week July 10-16, 2014

Hi Elisa

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Aftershock

First Impression: The horror of seeing someone die is very unpleasant and can haunt you for a very long time.

What I liked: Cradling her quaking form and praying for guidance in comforting her. After seeing what the girl saw, being held and feeling safe is so vital until she is able to find her inner strength.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: When the friend truly saw her with the paintball sized lump, making her breathing difficult. He has to put aside his own emotions and help her. He knows she needs his help and unsure how to be what she needs but he tries anyway.

Overall Impression: I felt very sad for the young woman, going for a hike was supposed to be the highlight of her day not seeing someone terribly abused and an accident, both equally traumatizing. I liked the way you did not over elaborate on the details of what she saw and focused on her fear. It was a very moving poem. I really like poems that can be read out loud, this flowed nicely.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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686
686
Review of Adequacy  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
size:2.5}Review number # 5 of week July 3-9, 2014

Hi Silent Writer

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Adequacy That is an interesting title and is what drew me to read your work.

First Impression: Please choose the author, it should be only the person themselves that decides.

What I liked: I felt the first stanza was the strongest to me. It drew me into the poem as a first stanza should.

What needs your attention: Personally, I feel an author who confidently writes should center his poem on the page so that jumps out that the reader visually saying look at me. I feel this poem deserves the best presentation possible.

Favorite Parts: The second stanza indicating some of our strongest influences but gently reminding us that we have choices.

Overall Impression: I like it the way it is.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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687
687
Review of Into Oblivion  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Review number # 4 of week July 3-9, 2014

Hi J Wentzel,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Into Oblivion

First Impression: My heart broke for Lacey seeing her parents die, one in the beginning and one in the end.

What I liked: That they found safety for the five years in the fallout shelter. The joy the Dad felt making a birthday cake for his nine year old daughter.

What needs your attention: When Lacey came out of the bathroom you have two words together than need a space in between. tall-with I am not sure but when you enter the house that the Dad dies in you have hinny instead of hunny as you have used on other occasions.

Favorite Parts: I like you designated the years to help keep the reader straight with the story. I really felt the sadness the Dad felt watching his little girl and seeing the image of his wife appear.

Overall Impression: I didn't think it needed the swear words to emphasize the point, I felt it lessened the story.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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688
688
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 3 of week July 3-9, 2014

Hi Sheri

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Secret to Life

First Impression: Yes, life is about knowing what to cherish and what to let go off.

What I liked: I loved the thoughts the author chose to demonstrate the secret of life. Great choices.

What needs your attention: I really feel centering a poem on a page shows the authors confidence in his/her writing. Your poem is good and it should be proudly jumping from the page not clinging to the side.
One thing, I suggest changing is in the first line is life to living so you are not having life written twice so close to each other.

Favorite Parts: Learn silence, I know so many people that just cannot appreciate silence and they miss so many awesome sounds around them that truly enrich our lives.

Overall Impression: Excellent poem! You did a great job with your thoughts.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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689
689
Review of The Last Picnic  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Review number # 6 of week June 26th-July 2nd, 2014

Hi C Fowler.

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Last Picnic

First Impression: That was not what I expected.

What I liked: The ending, you owe me Benadryl and an annulment. Though after thirteen years I would gone for a divorce.

What needs your attention: 1; Steven feels like the narrator so this line should actually say not me.
"And a man who was not Steven."
I am unsure what I do is referring too... he knows that she was with the man, or that she is lying.

Favorite Parts: I chuckled when the sentence ended with that's what I get for marrying an English major like it was a bitter taste in the mouth.

Overall Impression: Interesting story with a very unexpected ending. Good job.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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690
690
Review of Chicken Wings  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review number 2 # of week June 26-July 2, 2014

Hi Big Bad Wolf

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Chicken Wings

First Impression: I'm hungry, dang it...not a chicken wing or drumstick in the house.

What I liked: That you included a recipe with the different options.

What needs your attention: Nothing, sounds great to me.

Favorite Parts: The best places to eat chicken wings in western NY, and who was credited with creating the popular snack food in bars. I did not know the background.

Overall Impression: I love them hot so guess this girl would go for the cayenne pepper, vinegar and butter. Sounds awesome to me.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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691
691
Review of Black and White  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review number # 6 of week June 19th-25th, 2014

Hi Jimmy,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Black and White

First Impression: There is no mistaking how much you miss your black and white cat. The love is apparent from verse to verse.

What I liked: I enjoyed the impression of the cat haunting you, crying in the night.

What needs your attention: I feel that your poem would be more visually inviting if you centered it on the page. It shows the reader your confidence in your poem that you boldly put it center on the page.

Favorite Parts: The recognition of how special your cat was and that you'll never like that again. If everything was black and white life would be so much easier. It is the unknown that makes it hardest for us to accept.

Overall Impression: I would read it out loud Jim, some parts flow very well and others make you pause as you read. Like for instance "And today I stare at the stars" There should be a comma after today because when you read it out loud, there is a natural pause. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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692
692
Review of Seaside  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review number # 7 of week June 12-18, 2014

Hi Audrey,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Seaside

First Impression: I was saddened by the lost of life.

What I liked: The image of teardrops falling in the bottomless pitch black ocean. the author drew you into the feeling shared when Emily sang.

What needs your attention: Nothing, your tribute to Mary and John Gallagher is perfect the way it is.

Favorite Parts: The image that came to mind as I read the author trying not to clang her heels as she entered the silent church. It is not easy to walk in heels quietly and when the silence is so obvious around you it makes you cringe with every step taken.

Overall Impression: I am sorry for your loss.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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693
693
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review number 5 # of week June 12- 18, 2014

Hi Ewong

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Susie's Story Part 1

First Impression: This young girl is in sexual overdrive and her fantasies about situations out of her control in a school setting that involve her friend Lupe make me wonder about the author.

What I liked: How submissive Susie was to Debra's demands, she seemed willing to endure whatever without arguing while Lupe disagreed.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: Her explosive orgasm as she was shoved into the classroom. The teacher did not seem to mind and some of her class mates clearly were envious by the verbal outbursts. I enjoyed Connie adding to her discomfort, but then did nothing to arouse her again.

Overall Impression: Interesting ,I found Susie and Lupe's exploration of some domination and submission fantasies enjoyable.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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694
694
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review number # 4 of week June 12-18, 2014

Hi Ewong,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Susie's Story Part 2

First Impression: School wasn't like that when I went, certainly would have been more interesting.

What I liked: Interesting group orgy without actual penetration, I knew guys in school that would have loved masturbating all over a girl together.

What needs your attention: Nothing, that I noticed.

Favorite Parts: Susan waking up, realizing it was a kinky dream and then discovering her friend Lupe naked in her bed. Great opportunity to explore some of those sexual fantasies.

Overall Impression: Interesting short story, has potential to be longer if the author wants.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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695
695
Review of Lazy day  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review number # 5 of week June 5- June 11, 2014

Hi Alleesha,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Lazy Day I feel the title works.

First Impression: The poem described exactly how I feel today, that I have spent the day reading and reviewing. What a perfect solution to a muggy overcast day! My thinking with the word telly and the spelling of potatoe you are located outside the US.

What I liked: The simplicity of the lazy day poem shared with the reader seeking the same simplicity and comfort of a couch relaxing . We all long for those days.

What needs your attention: I believe the flow would be better if the syllables matched and they do not. Try reading it out loud to yourself or have a friend do it and I am sure that it will be clearer to you.

Favorite Parts: The end of a day is always cherished in my opinion.

Overall Impression: The poem has potential just needs to be tweaked a bit in my opinion. You may take or disregard my thoughts, that is always your choice!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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696
696
Review of Inevitable  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review number 1 # of week June 5th-11th, 2014

Hi April,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Inevitable Excellent choice!

First Impression: The feeling of being consumed by something more powerful than I anticipated.

What I liked: I loved how you visually presented the poem like a storm as well coming for the reader. Each stanza growing in strength, reaching a crescendo.

What needs your attention: In my opinion, the stanza with the praying mantis and black widow I hesitate wondering how this fits with the rest of the storm analogy that is so powerful. That one stanza just feels strange to me.

Favorite Parts:" I am a hurricane, bearing many a name as my currents run deep as my gales whistle,
omnipresent, claiming every last one of you, sparing none." I love the visual image my mind creates as I read this stanza out loud. I can imagine the wind howling, the trees bending in compromise as your powerful gales consume them.

Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the poem with the exception of the one stanza. I actually think it is stronger without it, but that is my opinion. And everyone has one. Good luck with the writing contest. I wish you well!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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697
697
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 7 of week May 22-28, 2014 "King's Landing updating "   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back House of Florent

Hi Joy,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive. and Game of Thrones

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Beneath the Spring Rain

First Impression: The images that came to mind as I read were delightful. I love walking in the spring rain and then seeing nature bring everything to life.

What I liked: The brazen Band-Aid for worm eaten wood, yes ivy loves to attach to the pores in the wood. Great visual image.

What needs your attention: Nothing

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the splashes in question marks on slippery streets, That line is my absolute favorite, in the last stanza which really sums the poem so well. I get the frazzled hairdo every time it rains but never do I lose sight of my garden images because of rain. To me there is nothing more enjoyable than listening to mother nature play her concerto.

Overall Impression: Joy, you are very talented and I am blessed to have had the opportunity to read your work.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
698
698
Review of Hell Bent  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Review number # 6 of week May 15-21,2014

Hi Black

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Hell Bent

First Impression: This is a very unhappy individual, I hope he finds the peace he is seeking!

What I liked: I feel your second stanza has the strongest image of the authors feelings.

What needs your attention: If you centered your poem it would feel more powerful to the reader. It is weird how visual images play a factor when reading poetry but it does.

Favorite Parts: How the words lead to the rage that drive the author to end the source of his anger. You can feel the momentum in each line.

Overall Impression: The anger and pent up emotion that drive the author to finally free himself from a bad relationship are powerfully written.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
699
699
Review of Through my eyes  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
size:2.5}Review number # 5 of week May 15-21,2014 House Florent "King's Landing updating "   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back

Hi Cas

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Through my Eyes

First Impression: I was wondering what the author was looking at when she wrote this.

What I liked: High steps to climb and then the line where the new moon turned into stones. The image is awesome when reading it outloud.

What needs your attention: I would capitalize each word in the title.

Favorite Parts: The difficulty of deciding what to see or do next, isn't that the greatest part of life having so many choices. Life should always have new sights to enjoy and glorious sunsets to frame their memories.

Overall Impression: Very well written and I am very glad I discovered it.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
700
700
Review of Dawn  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review number # 4 of week May 15-21,2014 "King's Landing updating "   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back

Hi Koyel

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dawn

First Impression: I enjoyed the images the words created in my mind.

What I liked: The pigeons and the martins joining in to welcome a new day. I love watching the birds in the early morning, I sometimes forget about everything else because I have become so engrossed.

What needs your attention: Chrysanthemums is missing the h in your poem. The pigeons sounds awkward, it would be sound better with A couple of pigeons or Several pigeons and eliminate the word couple.

Favorite Parts: My favorite stanza is the hues of the dawn. I agree nature is the most vibrant artist of all, and all others artist dream of creating such a masterpiece.

Overall Impression: I felt it was enjoyable but there are some awkward words that disrupt the flow when reading it out loud. Maybe the author should read it out loud or have some one read it out loud for them so she/he can hear what I mean.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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