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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
** Image ID #1920908 Unavailable **

Hi MM

My name is Lyn, I am a member of the House Florent. We are the sly foxes in the Game of Thrones.

Title: The Dragon's Dance

First Impression: I found the story, especially the dialogue between Bann and Mica very entertaining to read.

What needs your attention: I did not see anything I would change.

What part I liked best: The teasing mannerism of Mica knowing that she was making Bann uncomfortable with her questions about the mating of the dragons and the runner ups role. I chuckled as I read thinking it is an awkward conversation for younger people to engage in regardless of their location.

Overall impression: Marriage for life is a novelty among the human population so I am pleased to see the author note that it does exist with dragons. I know geese mate for life but I am not sure what other animal does.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

Please keep in mind I am a writer just like you and I am offering my thoughts. It is your choice to take the suggestions or not. Only you can decide what is best for your work!

What does the Fox say????? Since I was accepting your taunt to seek the elusive dragon, I thought I would review while I was here.
Lyn


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Review of Together Forever  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 9 of week May 1-7. 2014

Hi Dave,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Together Forever

First Impression: This was so beautiful to read. My immediate reaction was wow!

What I liked: I read it twice and each time it got better to me. I love how beautiful it sounds being read out loud. It is easily could be a song.

What needs your attention: Nothing, Dave. You are an incredible poet.

Favorite Parts: I am particularly found of the second stanza, I know silly a romantic. The author clearly loves someone deeply because this verse speaks knowingly of that wonderful love couples share.

Overall Impression: I loved it. I think the style is exceptionally beautiful Thank you for introducing all the different styles to us. It means a lot to me to see examples so I can learn and links to learn more.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 7 of week May 1-7. 2014

Hi Jenny,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Time for Healing

First Impression: Wow, this is awesome! Reflection on our life is always a good thing.

What I liked: That the author took us with her through the frustration of her past to the excitement of joy ahead of her. The journey was a joy to share with the author.

What needs your attention: Jenny, this excellent. I would not change a thing!

Favorite Parts: I loved the stanza about fearing to see one's self in a new light. It is hard to accept one's self. We are our own worse critic. I am guilty of looking in the mirror and finding more flaws than positive. It is hard to make change.

Overall Impression: I am so glad, I thought of coming to your port to surprise you. I was in awe of what I discovered. You are an amazing author, Jenny.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of This is my home.  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Review number 7 # of week May 1-7, 2014

Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: This Is My Home

First Impression: I was surprised to see a poem about submission and just had to read it.

What I liked: I am very familiar with the lifestyle and the commitment it takes to be submissive.. Some personalities cannot live in the manner required to always defer your needs to another.

What needs your attention: Nothing

Favorite Parts: Recognition that both parties grow in this situation, it is a mutual agreement based on trust.

Overall Impression: I think the master should be pleased with this written tribute to him. I did think it could be more in depth but if it satisfies the author and the master so be it.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of White Feathers  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review number # 6 of week May 1-7, 2014

Hi Luna

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: White Feathers, I was curious

First Impression: I was wondering if the author was thinking of an angels beautiful wings when it was written.

What I liked: These particular lines, " I can feel the powerful and graceful white feathers
that cover and allow my soul to remain light and pure are stronger than ever" create a beautiful image in mind of the struggle between good and evil. I hope bitterness never fills the author because life is too short to miss any moment with sadness.

What needs your attention: Visually, I think your poem would look more powerful if it was centered on the page so it jumps at the reader versus just lying on the edge. I think there could be more descriptive visions of the white feathers to enhance your struggle.

Favorite Parts: The fragileness of the soul trying to resist the power of evil, life is always about challenges to preserve our innocence when there are some many evil and corrupt paths waiting for us to flounder upon.

Overall Impression: I loved the image of the white feathers, I would have enjoyed more descriptive details enhancing the battle of good versus evil. I see potential in this poem, I hope the author comes back to it.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Spring Spirit  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 5 of week May 1-7, 2014

Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Day of Spring. My favorite season so I had to see what you had.

First Impression: I enjoyed the authors interest in the wren. They are very enjoyable to watch and do not frighten that easily.

What I liked: The author assuring the wren that she would be there to watch over her if needed.

What needs your attention: Personally, I think centering it in the middle would make your poem more visually attractive to the reader.

Favorite Parts: The author urging the wren to call out seeking her mate so they could begin building their nest to begin the next stage in their live. In my opinion, there is nothing more delightful than to sit outside and listen to al the birds sing and call to each other. You reminded me of the joy I always feel. I have got to get away from this computer.

Overall Impression: I have no doubt the author is a bird watcher and enjoys spending time with them outside by her tribute to the wren.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Who Is The Master  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 3 of week May 1-7,2014

HiSpacecat

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Master It is a perfect title to describe a cat! *Bigsmile*

First Impression: This could easily be my Quasi, he clearly ruled our house! I laughed when I got to the stanza I purr and nuzzle, have no shame. He had no shame and clearly demonstrated it daily. What about your Venus? Does she?

What I liked: That is was done from the cat's point of view, I thought that gave the poem its true power.

What needs your attention: Nothing, you have done an exceptional job!

Favorite Parts: When the author discloses that it is actually Venus talking. The author summarized a cat's personality vividly throughout the poem. I enjoyed it a lot.

Overall Impression: If you own a cat, each stanza could easily be your own cat talking to you. Excellent! I sense the author is familiar with Elliot's poems about cats by the writing.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Sea Turtles  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 5 of week April 24- 30, 2014

Hi Laura,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Sea Turtles

First Impression: I wanted to give Julie and Emma a big hug. It is so difficult to prepare your family when you are seriously ill. I think the story developed beautifully, touching me in so many ways.

What I liked: Joe trying to explain to JuJu about his illness. I could feel his pain as he tried to tell his daughter in the simplest way so she could grasp what he was telling her.

What needs your attention: Nothing.

Favorite Parts: That Joe bought the turtle for JuJu so she could have a special connection with her father and the vacation they took together. The turtle would comfort Emma and JuJu in the days ahead when Joe was gone.

Overall Impression: I feel you did a wonderful job writing a very difficult situation. It was compelling to read, the characters were convincing. I wanted to ease their pain too as I read.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Memory  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
size:2.5}Review number # 6 of week April 10-16, 2014

Hi Noblesse

My name is Lyn and I doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Memory

First Impression: This was not what I expected with the title.

What I liked: The conclusion, I felt so bad for the boy who had no idea, he was set up.

What needs your attention: Why was I do this?it was only logical I was scared I wanted to live. It should be Why am I doing this. It is only logic, I am scared and I want to live.

Favorite Parts: When the arrow hit the wall with the warning, that made me curious what the boy was going to do. It was a great way to introduce the climatic ending.

Overall Impression:

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
size:2.5}Review number # 5 of week April 10-16, 2014

Hi

My name is Lyn and I doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Choosing Car Mats

First Impression: I never expected to see this on WDC.

What I liked: The information was organized and informative.

What needs your attention: Nothing

Favorite Parts: After reading all the different information, I am glad I chose all weather mats. Your description confirmed I made a good choice.

Overall Impression: It was interesting to read the differences available for your car to protect your investment. Though I will admit, I am surprised you chose here to advertise.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 4 of week April 10-16, 2014

Hi Elsie

My name is Lyn and I doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Creating Your Eden, the title is what attracted me to your story.

First Impression: I cannot imagine living where I am surrounded with billows of black smog and not have time to enjoy walking barefoot in the soft grass.

What I liked: I loved how you took your situation and created a beautiful place to be with your pen.

What needs your attention: Nothing, you have done an excellent job!

Favorite Parts: Your vivid description of reality versus utopia is very well done. This particular line really jumped out at me You see colour fading away more and more by the minute—it feels like your world is dissolving and resolving into a dull black-and-white photograph. What a wonderful image you created.

Overall Impression: I really am glad I stopped by to read. I enjoyed it immensely. Excellent job!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review of Out of her depth  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 1 of week April 17-23, 2014

Hi N. A.

My name is Lyn and I doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Out of Her Depth, great play on words.

First Impression: Interesting concept I did not see the end coming at all.

What I liked: How easily the story flowed with out any indication of the ending until it occurred.

What needs your attention: Nothing, it works as it is.

Favorite Parts: A college degree isn't necessary just the lab. Would you like fries with that?

Overall Impression: I loved how the ending unfolded and Mary Ellen's lack of depth was clear. I burst right out laughing. It would be awesome if we could eliminate all nuisances that easily.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn


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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Bodee,

My name is Lyn. I am doing this review for Simply Positive. (review 1 of week April 10-16)

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: I Died Again Last Night. The title is what drew me to visit you.

First Impression: Wow, there is a lot of pent up emotion here.

What I liked: I loved the image you created with the faded echo finally escaping the canyon walls.

What needs your attention: I liked how in the beginning you had I died again last night separate from the stanza. It felt like a natural pause and gave emphasis to what I read. However, once you included it in the stanza it lost its power to me. Just for consideration, I'm suggesting you also isolate the two you have included in the stanzas.

Favorite Parts: I feel the opening three stanzas give the most chilling image to the minds eye. Especially chilled by the ice of infidelity. That particular stanza just jumps at me. Awesome!

Overall Impression: I think it awesome. Great Job, Bodie.

Thank you for letting me read your work.
Lyn

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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ace,

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: My Life in 2000

First Impression: I had no idea that Writing.com originally was Stories.com. Originally, what caught my eye was what I was doing when Writing.com was born.

What I liked: The simple directness you chose to share your life and the time frame of the birth of writing.com. It looks to me they realized all along the potential you have as a writer and upgraded you accordingly.

What needs your attention: nothing, it flows very nicely.

Favorite Parts: The initial help you received at the Christian home, "It was a nice place, three houses in the countryside of rural Arroyo Grande, California" I hope you were able to find another place once you began your life again. I am glad there are people willing to help someone in need.

Overall Impression: It sounds to me that you have taken each wrong turn in your life a right turn. I am happy for you. Thank you for sharing your experiences and how writing.com played a part in your life.
Lyn

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Review of This day...  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ida,
Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Write Away This Pain

First Impression: The author is expressing frustration and unhappiness in the best possible way, the joy of words.

What I liked: The author realizes in spite of the pain, life is worth living although it is hard.

What needs your attention: I would add more details to each stanza so the readers knows what is driving you to desperation.

Favorite Parts: The line I'm fighting to want my next breath. This is such a powerful image to the reader, it clearly sums the desperation and frustration the author feels and how she wants some one to show her a way to live as she needs. It is the strongest line you have in the poetry and jumps right out at you.

Overall Impression: I wish there was something I could do to make things right for the author, I am moved by the sadness and pain. It touched me as the author intended.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing.
Lyn

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Review of Calypso  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review 4 Simply Positive
Hi Calvin,
Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Calypso. Excellent choice, the unusual name which is what caught my attention in your port.

First Impression: Curious as to what the dream and his being late for a job interview. Was the dream part of the job he was seeking? I enjoyed how the story evolved like a mystery unfolds.

What I liked: Echo's selfless character throughout the story, not once did she try to detour Ajax to help her instead of Calypso. I can relate to the strength that Echo showed.

What needs your attention: Punctuation, grammar and spelling are right on.

Favorite Parts: Ajax hesitating because he was worried about Echo who had been by his side through out the mystery and rescue of Calypso. I thought it was very endearing that Ajax offered Echo his apartment in the mean time until Phoenix would appear.

Overall Impression: I found it very interesting and engaging. I read it through first quickly because I wanted to know how it ended but then I went back and read it slowly to appreciate the details.



Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read Calypso. I am glad I did.

Lyn


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Review of Questions  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Evening Soo,

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Questions, suited the story very much so.

First Impression: I wondered what horrors this author has faced.

What I liked: The harsh beginning emphasizes the horror that is about to unfold.

What needs your attention: Nothing, there is no mistaking the darkness the author intended. It is exactly as the author indicated.

Favorite Parts: The paragraph about "Soon enough, the horrific scenes being played out in my life began to make me feel--happy? Desensitization, I thought. It’s nothing more than desensitization." My uncle talked about this when he came back from Vietnam. That after being a soldier it is hard to return to normal life what ever that really is after living with so much violence and then beginning to get rushes from committing it.

Overall Impression: My overall initial thought was how terrible it must be to have become so desensitized to the horrors surrounding the author. But then I wondered if the author writing was finally freeing himself from the past. I hope so. A very graphic piece with a very direct ending that so makes the piece startling real. "A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer" Great conclusion.

Thank you for allowing to me read your piece.


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Review of The Rifle  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
Hi Smith, my name is Lyn
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, it is.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, they develop the story very nicely.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Initially, I thought we were actually in the good old west in a shoot out but then we moved to a family setting on Christmas day and the author relating his own Winchester model 94 lever action rifle story to the Heathen which I am assuming is his pet name for his wife.

How did your piece make me feel? It reminded me of my ex-husband and my sons every year getting ready for hunting season and needing a new gun for what ever reason.

What was my favorite part? When your Heathen fell asleep listening to you talk about your Winchester model 94 lever action rifle. Sorry, it amused me to no end because I did it all the time on my boys. They used to get so frustrated with me when ever they tried to convince me they needed a new gun.

What would I change? Nothing.

Was it well thought out and well written? You did an excellent job taking me from your vivid imagination with the cap guns to your missing Winchester model 94 lever action rifle back to wanting to relive your childhood with your son's cap gun.
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Lyn


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Review of One Word  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: E | (5.0)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, they were

Can it be read out loud? Yes

How did your piece make me feel? I was initially surprised to see just one word. Then I stared at the computer screen wondering what the author had in mind with the one word boldly on the screen. When I think of still usually I think of things that have happened after a period of time. Very seldom do I think of the word in the context of silence though it could be.

What would I change? I don't know how to answer this.

Was it well thought out and well written? I am very curious as to what goal you were hoping to accomplish with the one word.
Thank you for making me think outside the box.
Lyn


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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awesome job, Lani! You will always be beautiful to me, because when I read what you write my heart beats with yours.
Lyn
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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Every time I read your blog I appreciate the challenges each of us face on a daily basis and how we rise to the occasion. I am really glad I am a daily part of your life and you are mine.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: E | (4.5)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, it is

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, it does

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Yes

How did your piece make me feel? Interested, wondering what is McKenna's problem and why does DeLuca dislike him so? And I am wondering what the men know about McKenna that Ellie does not.

What was my favorite part? the meeting and the argument that led to the confrontation between McKenna and DeLuca. And the coach ride where Ellie snuggled against Toby. Sounds to me other things many happen eventually.

What would I change? "The following day the alarm clock buzzed un-relentlessly at an early eight-o-clock. They both woke up covering their ears and then quickly guffawed at each other."
Reading it outloud, I pause after the following day, I think it needs a comma there.

"By dinnertime most pairs had bordered the Dragoman, some choosing to fly the hundred plus miles instead of enduring the cheaper coach travel.

As only five pairs occupied the space inside the Dragoman, you could easily walk around and sit anywhere without feeling crowded or claustrophobic but Toby chose to sit next to Ellie for the whole journey so she wouldn't feel left out. De Luca and his partner in the race Jon sat opposite them and discussed tactics for most of the journey."

These two sentences jump out at me because in the first one you say most pairs, and in the next you as only five pairs. I would say instead by dinnertime five pairs chose to ride the Dragoman and the others chose to fly the hundred....
Five pairs made walking around inside the Dragoman easy. Seating was spacious enough no one felt crowded or claustrophobic, Toby chose to sit next to Ellie the whole journey making her feel included. Deluca and his partner.....
"She listened intently interested." She listened intently, finding it quite interesting. To me the sentence was just to abrupt.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, you are doing a great job. I hope you find my suggestions, helpful. Sorry, it took me so long to get to it.
Lyn
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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: E | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, thus far

Can it be read out loud? yes

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, the story does evolve with the lines written

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. At this point, I feel it

How did your piece make me feel? Curious, what happened between McKenna and Ellie. Obviously in the story he is noted bad character and thrives on this reputation.

What was my favorite part? The dinner with Toby and his friends, I chuckled when she let him use the bathroom first one to see how he dressed but two women secretly like having men wait for them.

What would I change?
" From the moment she stepped off of the Boeing 747 in Colombia Ellie began uncomfortably sweating profusely." I would place a comma after Columbia because when I read it out loud that is where it feels right to pause. Maybe it is just me, but food for thought.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, I think you have an interesting piece begun here. Great job so far.
I have given you a 4 because this is only the first chapter and I always reserve the five for totally completed work.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Lichichra,
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, it is

Can it be read out loud? It sounds delightful out loud.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, I think the author did an excellent job.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Yes, I think it does.

How did your piece make me feel? That I was part of something magical.

What was my favorite part? I enjoyed the visual image as I read cackling fires, snowy nights and twinkling lights, let's weave hope tonight.

What would I change? Nothing.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, it was. Excellent work!
725
725
Review of Santa Darling  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good Evening, Minja,

As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, it works

Can it be read out loud? Yes, but it does need some simple tense corrections.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, they do very well

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Yes, it does.

How did your piece make me feel? Amused when I read my first poem and probably my last. I hope not.

What was my favorite part? Santa don't make me choose

What would I change? "I don't know" he said, "it depend(s) how good you were."
"I know if I take diamonds then important thing I loose." instead - I know if I take diamonds a important thing I lose.
"What could be more important, darling than (a) diamonds (diamond) presents (present)?"

Was it well thought out and well written? I think it has potential and that the author should come back to so it does reach its full potential. Poetry is so much fun to create, I hope you do not stop here.
Lyn
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