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Review Requests: ON
1,037 Public Reviews Given
1,040 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
Least Favorite Item Types
AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
I will not review...
NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
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Review of Promptly 4 and 5  Open in new Window.
for entry "Nomad Song" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

It's that time of the month... And you're it at least once *Bigsmile*

Yours is a classic theme, taking the form and creating something timeless and universal. So Lilli did tell us to have fun this week... I honestly thought I'd come up with that on my own *Laugh*

I think this is a good meter for extending out beyond a single verse, though perhaps it might become monotonous. If I had time, I'd experiment with crafting song lyrics with it, using the chorus and other natural shifts to add a different metric structure to keep it fresh.

Recently I stopped and counted the syllables in the opening verse of the *Think* *DragonHead* *DragonHeadB* song Gods Don't Pray, and found it's a perfect 10-8-10-8. As a lyricist, Dan Reynolds depends more on poetic meter than melisma (as Ryan Tedder does) to carry his melodies, which I find fascinating. I've always been kind of puzzled by the differences between lyrics and poetry. I like lyrics that "look" as good as they sound...

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, I'm about to stick my foot in my mouth again. Please forgive me for this outrageous statement. AI generated content is a controversial subject around here, and I like to test people's work before I review it. So I pasted your poem into https://www.zerogpt.com/ and it came out 0% AI generated. Not happy with that, I pasted it into my personal favorite site, https://quillbot.com/ai-content-detector and was horrified to find they marked it 100% AI generated *Shock2*

I'm beyond dismayed and embarrassed. This has nothing to do with you; I'm not accusing you of anything. Rather, I'm asking you quite humbly to set me straight and assure me you wrote this lovely poem yourself. (And perhaps reassure others as well, by adding a note at the top of your item... Since this is a public review *Blush*) You must be quite insulted by my impertinence.

Putting all fears aside, I'll do my best to review this in the same way I would anyone else *Smile*

Your rhyme and meter is charming, lending a sweet triteness to the metaphors like a Valentine's poem. We don't see any hint this love has "flown the coop," except for your subtitle. Considering that, we realize it is a contemplation of a past relationship.

I admire the creative language you have here, portraying the beauty of your lady love in new and fresh ideas which are at once picturesque and entirely decent. The theme comes through of comparing her to things in nature: sunrise, starry skies, etc. And at the end we see it's her wise and kindly spirit which is most impressive. This is the cherry on top, letting us know the narrator values his love beyond her body and through into her soul.

All in all, this is perfect, like a Hallmark card brought to life in our minds. It could even be a song, if you added a repeating verse at beginning and end to summarize the theme, perhaps one capturing the thought expressed in the subtitle, of having lost this wondrous love and only dreaming of what was, seeking wholeness in your memories of her.

You can try entering this into several poetry contests around the site, such as "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. and "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. when it reppens. I can't tell what size and style of font you've used while on mobile, but I always recommend Size 4 Verdana for the best reading experience across devices. You can adjust these things by playing with the row of tiles above the text entry box. Check out "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. for help.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Quill* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button because I accidentally clicked on it once today and needed one more review (total of three) to get the 250 GPs for the day’s work…

Well, this is a fun theme, derived from the Writer’s Cramp prompt. Are you aware of the movie about the Russian spy lady who had synesthesia? There’s enough potential here for several novels. It’s written in your unique matter of fact style, and I appreciate how you always choose a nice large clear font. Perhaps a more descriptive subtitle might be helpful, but since you have a stock character (a rather useful trick, actually) I guess it doesn’t matter much. You’ve spun out a quick and intriguing story idea here. It was a good read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Duality of Me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ah, the complexity of dualism dueling within us! I adore the concept of duality because it seems so much what I am. Everything I do goes to extremes in one way or another, either in worldview, obsessiveness or personality conflicts. I struggle with a terrible temper and am generally quite grumpy and unkind, yet I want to think of myself as a quiet and peaceful soul. Even in my preferences for music, reading and writing, I enjoy both soft and sweet and childish as well as dark, heavy and... Well, no, I don't like "adult" stuff. Never mind *Pthb*

Anyway, this piece captures two snapshots of your complex personality as it wavers between apathy and idealism. On the one hand, the Poet holds himself to an impossible standard, believing in the good in humanity and striving to share truth and beauty. Yet the Addict gives up and sardonically says "ah well, that's just how it is, no one expected much of me anyway" as he lets life pass him by while he drowns in what is frivolous and easy. I identify so deeply with both of these!

I see these as prose, yet perhaps they could also be a dualistic poem if you set the sentences on their own lines rather than in paragraph blocks. I think I've already recommended the various Newbie contests you could enter with poetry.

If you like, you can post items on the two local plug pages for further feedback - though it usually comes slowly. A holler in the Newsfeed, or a comment or two under someone's post, helps people get to know you, if you're interested in forming a community bond.

This was an enjoyable read. I'm glad I stopped by after seeing it on the Newbies sidebar a number of times.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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5
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Tim!

We meet again via the Random Read and Review button.

A quaint and interesting poem, written in free verse which winds along loosely and easily, without caring for rhymes. We see moments where the warring world gets together and tries to get along long enough to play games together. It isn’t too simple at first glance, providing us with a moment to turn over a few possible meanings and ideas in the subtext.

Overall, a quick and interesting perspective on sports and how people strive to get along in the name of a higher goal.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Autumn  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This professedly casual and “throwaway” poem is quite deep in a nonsensical way. It reminds me of some of the earliest lyrics written by Imagine Dragons lead singer Dan Reynolds for his fledgling band. You can listen to Emma, for instance… “bourbon streets and bicycles, holding you in carnivals…” The quaintness and quirkiness of the words is evident.

You have six lines with a steady AAAAAA rhyme scheme, which, combined with the series of questions, provides a rhythm resembling a rap or a song. It displays a certain creative skill which is nice to see, especially considering it’s a sort of stream of consciousness item, spun off carelessly. You should take writing poetry or song lyrics more seriously… you’ll find it fun and rewarding.

I would suggest using a larger font size, preferably Size 4 Verdana. You may also want to center the text to provide a more focused reading experience. These simple edits can be done with the row of tiles at the top of the text editing box. You can click on the question mark between the M and the smiley for a helpful handbook on our proprietary markup language.

You could try entering this into two contests: "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. and "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest" Open in new Window.. Best of luck and I hope you enjoy yourself around here! It’s impossible to be bored on WdC because of all the contests to experiment with.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Jaya!

I found this on the Random Read and Review button.

I love a good nature poem, and this one fits the bill perfectly. Your lines are unpretentious and free flowing, painting scenes of warm summer days with nourishing rain and the balance of life and growth. Five verses of four lines each adds stability and structure without the triteness of rhyme.

I feel as if this is describing a scene from either times long last or some semi tropical region of the world. It has geographical details which are at once both creative and accurate, showing us a slice of rural life pastoral and peaceful.

Nothing to suggest here; anything which appears “nonstandard” is fine when you’re doing poetry. I enjoyed reading this.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Kenzie!

I found this on the Random Read and Review Button, and it's perfect for the time of year.

Though you wrote this over twenty years ago, the situation in the US has only become worse. Poverty is rampant, rents are astronomical, and housing is in crisis because of greedy companies and overpriced development.

And the political right is not helping at all. You have perfectly summarized their attitude as they threaten to slash the very benefits which may be keeping people alive in society. It's upsetting to me, because I see myself as a moral conservative, yet I'm more of an economic liberal, and that's an almost impossible combination in the current political climate. Didn't the Apostles hold all things in common in the book of Acts? Didn't they share with the poor and needy? They gathered funds not to buy themselves fancy suits and cars and rings to wave on TV, but to feed the widows and orphans.

The entirety of US culture needs a serious overhaul, but the very idea is exhausting to me, so I withdraw into a world of books and music where I don't have to fret about real issues. Your essay reminded me of all the things wrong with society, but it also gives hope and practical solutions to help us feel better about our lives and the way we treat others during the holiday season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Jasmine  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Josh!

I noticed this on my "online authors" sidebar and thought it sounded intriguing.

It certainly lives up to the appellation, being a light psychological study of a mental situation I've been fascinated by for a while. Much can be made of this—in fact, I would recommend you take the theme and try turning it into a full novel. It seems like you rushed this out in summary form, perhaps as a contest entry, perhaps even for the Twisted Tales.

I see potential for it to become a sort of romantic story. First we should establish that the lady he meets has reverted to the mental capacity of a six-year-old. I'm not sure if that's what would happen. If it did, there would be a conflict if he falls in love with her, because he would realize there could be no consent. Then he would decide to protect her from harm, especially if she's innocent and naive. This would be a good development of both characters and create a longer story with more events and enriching emotional details.

And his inability to discover anything about her seems a bit farfetched, particularly as she was equipped with an ID card when she met him. If she suddenly went missing as an adult, she would be missed, even if only at her workplace. And missing as a child, she would be presumed caught in the disaster and her name (Jasmine) would be listed among the dead. And if he was living in the very flat which had previously exploded mysteriously, I'm sure that would have been the first thing which would come to his mind as he spoke with her. A little more thought might be needed here to iron out potential "stretches" of possibility.

I noticed a sentence where you used "that" like three times in a breath, as well as a couple other minor editing bits to clean up. This is a fantastic premise with a lot of room for growth. You could even turn it into a novel. Maybe throw some spies into the mix: what if the woman became a spy after she lost her memory of the explosion? If she lost her memory of being a spy, and she had some secrets that others were after, that would be a unique twist. Just a fun thought!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Addiction  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ken!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

Having entered a few Shadows and Light rounds and not placed in any, I'm beginning to tell myself I should take a lesson from the winners and see how exactly they write and what makes their poetry so impressive. Your item is a good example of what they're looking for, with vivid metaphors which leap off the page, leaving us slightly unnerved as we consider the depth of meaning in your words.

Addiction, indeed; I know all too well the incredible draw of writing fiction, as I've been doing it for the past eighteen months or so. I feel the same frustration when I can't tap my muse, though I don't think in terms of a personified figure helping me write. These days, I think I'm stepping back some from the frenetic composition, focusing my efforts on a select few items.

Your words express a deep sense of something close to insanity, indeed; I often wonder whether those, including I, who create fictional worlds are doing good or if they're self-indulgent weirdos. What is the point? Are humans better off without stories? If such thoughts invade my head, what on earth am I doing hanging out on a storytelling site?

But ah, it's just a phase. An interesting poem indeed.

(I apologize if this sounds addled; it's 1:30 AM here *Laugh*)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Thomas!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

Wow, I love it. I always enjoy discovering the psychological type of essays around here, and I find myself generally fascinated by the concepts of psychology and trying to study oneself and figure myself out.

Your approach is greatly helpful. I have long considered myself a deeply dualistic person in every aspect, from the type of people I want to associate with, the level of association I want, the things I enjoy reading versus what I like writing, the music I listen to, right down to the vitally important things like politics and worldview. I'm a person of faith, yet I can't agree fully with any established religion. I read emails from Breakpoint and Ultraviolet. It's enough to drive one crazy. I don't know what to think about anything because I think too much about everything, yet I never seem to be thinking about what I should be doing in life...

Ok, enough ranting about me *Laugh* I enjoyed reading this, it was great food for thought. Your parable of the hungry kitten was interesting, as we see two people who approached the issue from two narrow-minded perspectives, and one person who used a whole and healthy mental approach to do what I immediately thought they should have done. I always try to think about issues in a well-rounded way, but I'm not sure this particular example carries over to other areas where we should seek wholeness and our own complete self-actualization. Yet at the moment I can't really think of any better examples because this does show how our own understanding of self and acceptance of all parts of ourselves creates real world effects that can spread globally, ultimately, rather than simply being a mind game we play when we have nothing better to do than contemplate the meaning of life.

A basic reminder to use Size 4 Verdana font because I'm on mobile and can't tell if you're already using big clear font, and aside from that this was perfect. Great work.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Hospitality  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

First off, I'm glad you have taken care to note this is fictional. Otherwise I would have to point you to appropriate mental health resources.

From an artistic perspective, this is a creative contemplation of one lady's relationship with the Grim Reaper, from his perspective. I don't see much like this around here, and I find this poetic and thought-provoking.

I like to recommend using Size 4 Verdana font around here, to ensure a clear and open reading experience across devices. I'm on mobile right now, so it's readable by default, but it's always best to let you know. You can access all text editing features through the row of tiles at the top of any WdC text entry box. We have tons of fun proprietary tricks around here, like dropnotes and pop notes. Hit the question mark symbol between the M and the smiley for more helpful info.

As someone who struggles with conflicting feelings of loneliness and introversion, I deeply relate to this message. Often I wrestle with the meaning of life and whether I'm serving any purpose at all by being alive... But then I remember everything I've accomplished and my friends and family and the mysterious unknown beyond, and I figure I'm better off alive than dead.

I see you call this a "free verse poem..." perhaps it would be a good idea to add line breaks, rather than a single block of text which reads as a paragraph or monologue. You don't have to overthink this, but as it stands it's more like prose *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Joey!

I hope you’re doing well, dealing with all the hurricane aftermath.

This is a lovely ode to our great writing community, covering all the points of why we are here. One tiny thing that kinda bugs me is the GIF right at the top… as a person with sensory sensitivity, I find it mildly distracting. It reminds me of the early-00’s cartoon with the kid with a football shaped head. And if I stare at it long enough I realize that’s not even a real QWERTY keyboard they’re pounding away at… *Crazy* *Rolling*

Scrolling down away from such foolishness, I find the poem itself to be heartfelt and sincere. It took me a couple of reads through to discover the “melody” you were aiming at; for a while I wanted to say it felt rather “clunky,” as if your lines were too long. But looking at it again on my iPad, the tune clicked and now it sounds like it has a really good flow. I see you’ve used exactly 13 syllables per line, which is a fine achievement; when I write poetry and I want it to rhyme without actually using a structured form, I end up being more flexible on syllable counts than perhaps is wise.

My perspective on poetry has matured since I last reviewed one of yours; indeed, I would hope my entire writing instinct has been fine-tuned over the eighteen months or so I’ve been a member here. I can wholeheartedly agree with everything you’ve said here, and I admire your choice of form and rhythm. I used to eschew counting syllables; thanks to Lilli’s Promptly Poetry Challenge, I’ve learned to count them and found it’s not as hard as I thought. Kind of a no-brainer usually, really.

So yeah… if you’re looking for professional advice, I don’t really have any. This is good poetry, and… honestly, didn’t I review it last year? I see the creation date is from ’23. It seems familiar, in a comfortable way. But there’s no record of one, so here ya go *BigSmile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, Sonali!

Another discovery using Random Read and Review, and a delightful one at that.

What a challenge: write an intentionally awful story! But this is so much fun to read, we almost don't realize how ridiculous it is and how nothing really "happens."

I love cats, so of course I was intrigued by Kalyan and his insistence on hating cats. I found the story within a story premise to be engaging and clever, drawing us along as the narrator cleverly (whoops, an adverb!) catches his attention by inserting him into the story. It tapers off "maddeningly" at the end, when the narrator admits she had no idea where the story was going. But we had a jolly good time of it as we plowed through ever more exaggerated dialogue tags and adverbs and painfully slow descriptions of how many fingers, feet and eyes the various characters have.

You have almost nothing of standard story lines here: plot, character development arcs, etc. Yet the theme is ingenious, as we see the characters extrapolated through the absurd situation... If that makes any sense.

Congrats on "worst" first place. It's well deserved!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of LONLEY bucket  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

         What a fascinating subject, which you've chosen to approach with a creative and hopeful metaphor. I love philosophy and contemplations of our minds and how we interact with others and ourselves. You have here a very important thought: though we struggle with feelings of failure and falling short, we should always try our best to press onward and engage ourselves.

         Now, first off I noticed the word "Lonely" is misspelled in the title. You have also chosen to use the term "fulfill" instead of simply "fill." This is a stylistic choice which fits well with your metaphor and doesn't exactly come across as a mistake when we realize you are indeed speaking about the search for fulfillment.

         Then, I noticed you drop the sentence at the end, just when you were getting started with a deeper exploration of the subject. This seems like a simple copy-paste error; I noticed you have duplicated this item in your port, and neither one keeps going past this point. I would suggest returning to this item and adding what you were intending to say... Unless you've run out of ideas.

          I might help you here. If we continue with the same metaphor, we can think of the "leaking" as what we pour out into the world from ourselves. In this case, we need to remember to fill ourselves up with only the best and purest "water" so we can pass it on to others.

This has tons of potential as a lovely, thoughtful philosophical essay. I'd enjoy stopping by to see if you expand it.

Thanks for sharing, take care and by all means keep writing *HeartT*
*Gemv* *Angel*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This is a powerful poem full of wisdom and sadness as it mourns a lost relationship. You have approached the timeworn subject with originality and keen observation, dreaming about how things could have been and indeed were for a brief time. The moment at the end is ingenious enough for songwriting… indeed, if you’ll excuse my love of music, this reminds me of a Taylor Swift song. Perhaps that is intentional; I see one of your genres is Teen. It was also creative of you to select Melodrama as one genre; I remember puzzling over the definition of the term and wondering what the difference is between that and just plain "drama..."

I like the bold font you've chosen here; it stands out on the page and holds its own against our busy WdC sidebars. The meter is free-flowing and conversational, leading us along through your contemplations without being fussy. I had to go back and check for rhymes; your final one is subtle, and the rest is in free verse.

I can't think of anything to suggest here. This is good enough to submit to several contests... I can think of at least three which accept previously written content. There's "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window., which is currently closed but I would highly recommend you "fan" it by clicking the black heart underneath the item name (not the one alongside the username of the contest owner, although that would be a good idea too...)

Then there's "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. as well as "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest" Open in new Window., which are currently open and accepting entries.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* I hope you have lots of fun on WdC *HeartT*


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Review of First Grade  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Jay, and what a wonderful surprise!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button, which doesn’t usually give me chapters. I’m delighted to read your children’s fantasy with a Christian orientation; I enjoy reading and writing stories for (and about) kids, and I feel like a child at heart myself. The choice of animals to carry the theme is even more appealing and a joy to read.

I didn’t see too much I would offer to advise here; perhaps a second look at use of dialogue tags might be good. Internal thoughts are usually shown with italics rather than in quotes and using a tag, especially to say “I wonder,” he wondered…

Congrats on doing NaNo in 2017. It’s an amazing challenge, keeping the brain sharp and giving one something to map out their month. I wouldn’t mind reading the rest of this if I ever get a chance; your writing style is creative and deeply sympathetic to your characters. The theme of sharing Jesus at a camp meeting was a fun surprise, and I liked how well you described the eye doctor visit, alleviating any potential fears a child might have and encouraging them to engage and learn.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of A Perfect Smile  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Tim! Found you again on the Random Read and Review Button.

Ahh, nothing like a sweet love poem. And free verse, too. Like a letter sent to your significant other.

We see the delight the narrator takes in their loved one and the way he blissfully extols the virtues of their charming smile. One thing that popped out at me is where you said "Earth's ungodly seasons..." I'm not quite sure what the implications are there. Otherwise this is a nice little poem describing the favorite thing about a significant other.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Carly!

Hope your NaNo is going well! I noticed this on my "online authors" sidebar and thought it looked nice.

When I saw "twenty-four," I suspected it was for the most recent WdC birthday celebration. Your note explained it nicely, drawing on the Writer's Cramp inspiration prompt.

This is a poem bursting with hope and good feels, as we see a young lady coming into her own and becoming an inspiration for others to follow in her footsteps.

They say hard work is its own reward, but it's always nice to receive recognition for such, which is in large part why all of us are here on WdC. This poem works as a metaphor for the creativity and inspiration bursting from this site we call home. After so much effort, SM and SMs have a wonderful global community they've made.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Robo-Dad  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I really loved this story. The characters, the scenarios, the setting, the understated way you hinted at incredibly dramatic backstory without data dumps... It kept me engaged all the way through.

I'll try to break down what I like so much about it. You have created a loveable cast of characters: bright, close-knit sisters, a mom who sides with them against the mysterious and frightening father figure, who is only spoken of and we never see "for real," and of course the robots! What a brilliant and charming concept there.

The plot here feels like the opening chapter to a much larger story, setting the stage with many different options for ways further chapters can be developed. I enjoy it the way it is, but of course I always encourage people to try and continue exciting concepts like this one and see where else they can go with them. In fact, it would make a great movie.

One thing I had trouble with is how many different characters were introduced rather quickly. I have a tendency to read very fast because my time online is limited, and the names of all the sisters were bouncing around in my head like marbles. I know this is an old-fashioned and outdated technique, but you could maybe set up a quick cast of characters at the beginning with a couple words about each of them so we can keep them straight.
A dropnote click me! ▼ would be a handy way to do this, so people can check it if they like or ignore it if they don't think they need it.
But it's probably more of an issue with my comprehension than with your story, because you did a great job of showing us each sister through Ria's explaining the long talks she had with her robots as she built them. (A clever way to train robots, indeed! Engage them in conversation and share all the personal details about the people you're designing them for in a warm and loving way. Those are some well-trained bots. I'd love to have one of my own *Laugh*) Anyway, I probably needed to slow down and take my time visualizing the characters better.

Worldbuilding thoughts for your consideration: how do the robots run? Are they solar powered? Do they have to recharge overnight? What happens when their batteries run low? What about that father? Does he work for a kingdom? Is the government involved? I noticed the girls are living in a mansion. Is the main character crippled in some way? I noticed the others seem to carry her. Is that why she's more sheltered than the others?

I didn't see any basic stuff to correct here, and your concept is admirable. Have you got a larger theme in sight? Perhaps dealing with the question of how human can a robot be? Maybe somewhere down the line, the Robo-Dad and the real father switch places and we realize humans have the opportunity to change their hearts and mend their ways, but robots have to be reprogrammed. Or I think I would prefer having the Robo-Dad remain a loyal and steadfast protector.

This is an excellent tale, and I can see a lot of potential for further development.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Randy, and thank you for requesting a review.

This is a well-thought item, and I can see these are characters you've been working with for a while. There isn't much backstory required to understand this quick vignette, though I would be interested in learning more about the characters, how they met, and their goals.

You've set up an engaging and even slightly humorous situation here, with the basics of rising and falling action which make a complete story. (In that case, technically it's not a vignette, but I feel it's a slice from a larger world you're working on.)

As it is, I'm not sure I have anything to advise you on here. The characters are engaging, and the story is to-the-point, with a fairly relieving conclusion.

In your opening paragraph, there seems to be a peculiar conjunction of numbers indicating how long they'd been trekking for. Is this a "quaint" way of putting it, or a mistake?

In your sixth paragraph, the human's speech should best be cut in the middle to describe his actions, rather than leaving the long block of dialogue and the descriptor at the end. And perhaps a word other than "obsession" would do better to try to describe the hungry spirits, because that word makes me think of the old Sodom and Gomorrah story... Perhaps "fierce hunger?"

Where the old man spirit begins to speak, he needs a paragraph break when he's done. And there's an extra comma at "the Dwelfmin swung her mace..."

The sentence "Meredith, loathe..." doesn't come together properly.

Aside from these and other minor typos, it's a great little fantasy story. I'm asking for competition here, but perhaps you could flesh this out and submit it to this month's Official WdC Contest, Journey Through Genres. They allow up to 2000 words.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of April  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, Kare!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button, after it gave me something from a person I had to decline for AI content... *Irritated*

Anyway, I like your style of writing poetry. This is compact and creates a clear picture in one's mind, of spring and the activity leading up to May Day.
The form is clever; I see you were writing with a given form, and you did well. I used to eschew following forms and structure, until I joined the Promptly Poetry challenge. The weekly prompts have given me the opportunity to try new things and stretch my mind without worrying about contests or anything.

This was an enjoyable read, providing a quick glimpse into a different culture.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

I love seeing how differently everyone works with the provided prompts. We all bring our own personal thoughts and feelings to the table, and we each create something unique from a simple phrase.

This nature poem is splendid, reminding us that even the humble weeds play an important role in life's grand ecosystem. Your words are balanced and conversational, drawing us easily along the free verse as you move from a close-up view of the maternal weed to a larger perspective on worldview and Creation.

I don't have anything substantial to suggest here except for perhaps you have an extra word "they" in the seventh line, speaking of the ants. The identifier doesn't seem to be needed.

This was an enjoyable take on the prompt. Great work!

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Quiet Chaos  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Fyn!

I’m here as a fellow participant in the PPC5 challenge.

I love how each of us can take the same prompt and apply our unique experiences and understanding to it, making so many different works of art from the same simple phrase. It's one of the special things about this site... Being able to have many different people working on the same goals, prompts, and concepts to share their special creations.

I can relate to your feelings about stalled projects and chaotic minds. Sometimes creative ideas seem frozen, stuck, somewhere just beyond the edge of my conscious mind. Occasionally I have the feeling like I've had a bad dream about something and can't quite remember it, staining the rest of my day with a sense of looming unrest.

Other times inspiration strikes faster than I can write it down or apply it to my art screen. And sometimes things just fall into place with blissful haphazardness. I have a mind that loves to draw weird connections between seemingly utterly unrelated things, which makes for an imagination somewhere between delightful and stressful!

I dislike critiquing poetry, as my own process is quite instinctive and generally uninformed by any but the most rudimentary guidelines. You've captured the essence of the prompt phrase here, and I have nothing to suggest. Well done (and congrats on getting the first volume of your memoir published *Wink*)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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for entry "quiet chaos" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Neutrality is always hard to come by, and this election was definitely a depressing one, even threatening to break up marriages. Part of me is relieved about the results because I was afraid of what uprisings would occur if the other person won. Part of me is extremely upset because of Medicare, Social Security, and women's rights. I don't know what to think anymore.

WdC is a safe space from such things; we generally hide behind our poetry and stories, although this election has gotten us upset enough to let the opinions leak out. Thank you for approaching the subject in a friendly and evenhanded way, understanding that the election and our political choices don't define us as humans. You've chosen the perfect theme for the phrase "quiet chaos."

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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