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Review Requests: ON
1,074 Public Reviews Given
1,077 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
Least Favorite Item Types
AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
I will not review...
NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Promptly 4 and 5  Open in new Window.
for entry "I Like Trolls" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

Surprisingly enough, I can appreciate trolls as well. They've gotten a bad rap over the years because of the modern idea of online "trolling," but honestly the only bad troll I can remember is the one under the bridge from the Three Billy Goats Gruff. (In fact, I felt almost a little sorry for the troll there when he was trampled underfoot...)

As you might know, I'm a Frozen fan, and the trolls there are portrayed in a fascinating way. They are the wise ones who raised orphan Kristoff and have an understanding of magic, which Elsa's parents were afraid of. When Elsa... Well, I won't spell out the whole thing. The trolls play an important role and they're good solid creatures.

Having expressed admiration for your unique choice of mythological creature, I now have to offer at least one suggestion as per the B.E.A.R requirements. I see you have uncapitalized opening letters, which creates a conversational, story-like flow. I usually instinctively capitalize every line unless they “spill over,” which can get weird *Pthb* I have also developed the habit of, perhaps learned from my participation in I Write last year, including a word count as well as a line count. It’s become quite useful to see how many words get used in poetry. Twice now I’ve attempted a Drabble poem with an allotment of 100 words (one in rhyme and meter and one in free verse.)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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2
Review of Ireland Calls  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I see you look like a fairly polished author, adding an image and two genres and understanding the concept of a drabble (100 word story.)

As such, you've taken an experience and encapsulated it in brief, with a beginning, middle and end. Personally, I love drabbles, rising to the challenge of shaping a perfect story in the given limit while crafting it as vividly as possible. If this were mine, I would perhaps have twiddled with it more, trying to include a bit of scenery and some sort of strong emotional reaction to plant us in Diane's head. But these are techniques usually reserved for longer works.

I would recommend you add a third genre such as Supernatural; this will help people find your items when browsing. It will also allow as many opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award as possible.

I also recommend you take some time to hang around here and get to know us a bit; the Newsfeed is a good place to start making friends. That's if you want to be sociable, of course; there are plenty of people here who don't hang out much. It all depends on how much you want WdC to be either a sort of social media site or a place to go for meaningful feedback on stories and poetry.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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3
3
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I'm so glad to meet you. WdC is a wonderful place, and I can see you've already had a warm welcome from other reviewers around here. I love finding people who write poetry with charm and grace, and you seem to be just my type.

This is a lovely poem, with a strong rhythm which carries us through with the feeling of a song. You describe the thrill of putting pen to paper and crafting beautiful works of word art for others to share and enjoy. The words are simple yet profound, and we feel your newfound delight in what you do.

I have nothing to suggest for improvement on what you've written here. It's a sentiment I agree with wholeheartedly, and I think it would look lovely written out in fancy script, printed and framed.

I always recommend learning how to use the row of text modification tiles above the entry box, as a larger font size and style helps make your item stand out, especially on desktop. Size 4 Verdana is my standard.

Poetry is one of my special hobbies here, and if you're interested I have a couple of book items stuffed with poems: "Promptly Poetry" Open in new Window. and "Magic Eight" Open in new Window.

Which brings me to an important point. As a newbie with a free account, you will soon run out of portfolio space (ten items.) If you make yourself known in the community, I'm sure someone will give you an upgraded membership if you need the help. Otherwise, you can gather multiple poems into a single item. There are some tricks to help organize large items into something similar to chapters and indexing here "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. I'm not too familiar, never having used them.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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4
4
Review of Thank you.  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Mary Ann!

I found this using the Random Read and Review Button.

A beautiful, simple and heartfelt prayer built on an acrostic. I deeply appreciate your sentiment.

I have a few typos to suggest you fix...
1. The tagged item is invalid; you may want to remove it or add a few words explaining what type of writing project it was.
2. The word "you" is duplicated in the first line.
3. The third line seems like it should read "serve You in the decisions..." rather than "and the decisions"
4. In the fourth line "when you're by my side" the word "you're" is misspelled.

Aside from these little things, I really enjoyed this and found it moving. I pray you have many blessings in the year ahead.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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5
5
Review of "Box"  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, this is heavy. I see you take great care to spell “grey” with an E, which I appreciate.

I am now seeing grey myself, sitting in a fog which has lasted unusually long this morning. Your prose has a moody, mysterious feel, telling little about how this situation arose and what’s actually going on. We experience it solely through the experience of this lone figure trudging through the grey nothingness towards some kind of an end.

It feels like a “higher level” piece of writing, like the kind of thing I would have puzzled over and pushed aside in my literature classes. Maybe I’m thinking of the Donald Barthelme story Game, something vaguely depressing yet also intriguing and… well, yours is a dead end, really. A bleak and hopeless cessation of existence.

Which is kind of how I’ve been feeling about life lately, from a philosophical perspective. I mean, I’m not exactly depressed, but sometimes I step back and marvel at the futility of life. Like how the new Jelly Roll song goes “I know I’m not ok, but it’s all gonna be alright…” and I’m like “bro, how do you figure that?” Like they give us this wish-washy “just believe it’ll all be okay” but they don’t really have a leg to stand on because their worldview automatically excludes any possibility of real “hope” and they’re just telling us that so we don’t all go insane and jump off the nearest bridge…

Ok, I apologize for the emotional dump. I guess I've had that bottled up for a while and your item resonated with me. Which is a good thing. You've written a powerful metaphor on how life sometimes feels, cloaked in surrealist science fiction.

By way of improvement, I would suggest you increase the font size and style using the handy row of tiles above the text entry box. I like Size 4 Verdana for nearly everything *Laugh* My friend likes to recommend everyone add cover art to their items as well, but I think there's a restriction on what level of membership can add images. An image will help your item pop out from the rest.

Perhaps breaking it down into smaller paragraphs will help make it a little easier to plow through, because there isn't much action and we might get sleepy being plunged into that land of dreary grey nothing *Wink*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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6
6
Review of The Fool  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Chris!

Not sure how this showed up on Random Read and Review, but here I am.

A quick and amusing rhyming story about a king's jester who strikes it big when he helps his master solve the riddle. We see him rise in power, yet still retain his personality as a fool who keeps everyone laughing. It reminds me of the Jester in Ivanhoe.

A couple of tiny typos... One is in the fourth line where you mixed up "too" and "to." Then the word "breeches..." If you're using the vernacular, you can spell it "britches" and it would suit the rhyme more visually than otherwise. I think either spelling is accurate, though I'd have to do some research on that one...

Wishing you happy holidays and a lovely new year *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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7
7
Review of ABC Lesson  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com, Kermit!

What a coincidence: I received your review letting me know you'll be posting this, and I hit the Random Read and Review button, and here it is!

I love how philosophical it is, teaching us things about life by guiding us through the alphabet. It would make a nice thing to share with children, especially these days when they're exposed to serious issues at tender ages.

On mobile, I can't give advice about line lengths or anything, but I'm sure it all balances out well if it were on a normal screen size. You appear to have used a good font size and style. Perhaps adding a space where there's an extra line of poetry going deeper into a single letter, before moving to the next letter, would be helpful to sort through it visually. You could also separate each letter in bold if you think that would help.

Your thoughts about the words are balanced and wise, allowing us all to appreciate the advice even if we have different worldviews. On this site we have people from all walks of life and around the world, and the diversity is amazingly peaceful and welcoming.

I would highly recommend you add genres to the item; it's one of the essential elements of getting your work noticed, as people often like to sort through items by genre. Another important thing is the yearly Quill Awards, which are nominated partly by genres. I would suggest Philosophy, Children's, and Experience, but there are so many more possibilities. Relationship, Friendship , Inspirational, Family, Writing... even How-to/Advice.

I also like to always add a line count and word count at the bottom of my items, as it's a required habit to form for submission to contests. I'm pretty sure, in fact, that this would qualify for entry to "The Long Poetry Contest" Open in new Window.... Stop by and see!

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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8
8
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Kiya!

Good grief, what a monologue. I was absorbed in the dynamics revealed in the man’s words as he painted the colorful picture of his background, rise and the crumbling of his family. It’s amusingly (also sadly) realistic; as someone who leads a quiet and sheltered life, I don’t know too much about the “ways of men” and quite frankly would rather not, but that’s just me *Laugh* You’ve captured his voice so distinctly and clearly, taking what could have been a simple and trite theme and turning it into a fun and engaging read.

Did you use default font size? I prefer bigger… Size 4 Verdana as I used to say frequently. Other than that, this was interesting and well crafted.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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9
9
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I noticed this on the Read a Newbie sidebar, and it piqued my curiosity because of the two names and the music theme. It’s the weirdest thing, but my favorite band is OneRepublic, and their lead singer is Ryan Tedder, and his best friend Zach Filkins is the lead guitarist! Not only that, but Ryan Tedder plays the same exact dualistic roles in his career, of running a band as well as helping other artists create smash hits. Were you inspired by the dynamics of OneRepublic? Or am I reading too much into a remarkable coincidence?

All similarities to real life aside, this is a warm and heartfelt vignette showing the deep bond of love and camaraderie between the two men. I sense this could easily be expanded into a fuzzy romance if you wanted to explore that route, but I personally prefer a really good friendship to anything LGBTQ (I’m asexual myself, so I avoid romantic type stories generally… but this is off topic *Laugh*)

Practically speaking, I would recommend you up the rating to 13+ or 18+ for the one f-bomb tossed in. You could remove it, but it does add a touch of realism and help assure us it’s not an AI story. Please don’t take offense at the AI remark… you’d be surprised how much AI content is floating around here, and some of it is distressingly nice to read. This story has a delightfully human touch, with the emotions and feelings and interactions deeply embedded into it. You have a great style, fun and engaging, painting endearing characters in a situation which is instantly relatable for me as a music lover who knows almost everything about the lives of the artists I look up to.

I would also suggest you familiarize yourself with the toolbar features above the text entry box, because you do need to use a larger font, preferably Size 4 Verdana.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
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10
10
Review of Bug Reporting  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings, SM!

Thanks for taking care of the bugs around here and providing us such great one-on-one support. It's a real relief to know this is a site run by a family who cares, and you haven't outsourced operations to shady people overseas who may not understand the true purpose of the site.

A forum is a good idea for bug reporting, because everyone can look back and see issues they may have experienced that were then fixed. I see for instance where Annette reported the bug on newly minted MBs back in October. I had noticed that myself, but I didn't think of letting you know.

I should take the time to be more familiar with basic elements of the site such as the Tools sidebar. Mostly I never go there at all... Which leads to my not understanding some rather obvious things *FacePalm*

Take care, thanks for everything you do, and keep up the amazing work *ThumbsUpGreen* *Heartg*
From Gervic
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11
11
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

I'm here as part of a holiday item review project ("12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window.) and thought this looked like a fun read.

What a stressful time you must've had of it, trying to track down your package. I have had similar things happen to me; one time Amazon declared my items "undeliverable" and sent me a new set *Shock2* I always wonder if someone spilled a drink on the items, or if the truck crashed, or what.

You've written this with a graceful sense of holiday humor, exercising kindness and patience towards those who work at the stores and the warehouses. It's always important to remember that these mishaps are almost as stressful for the employees as they are for us.

Yep, chatbot helpers are usually no help at all... The options they provide are limited and the responses are, of course, canned. Whoa, wouldn't it be *Shock2* if StoryMaster decided to communicate with us solely through chatbots?

This was a fun and relatable read. I'm glad it worked out in time for the big day.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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12
12
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window., and this looked like a lovely quick read.

Flash fiction is always so much fun, kind of like fast food (I can't remember what I used to say in my ff reviews... *Pthb*) A little shot of the imagination in an otherwise dull and boring day *Smile*

This was creative and enjoyable, from the names Candy and Cane to the intriguing premise, which ends happily and predictably yet with room for sequels. What if something serious happened and Santa couldn't do anything else but retire? Hey, what if he has a twin? Ooh, what if it's an evil twin? Sometimes the best part of a story is wondering what might happen after it's over.

No suggestions for improvement here; as a quick Writer's Cramp entry, this was a nice piece.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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13
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Roari!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window., and this is just the sort of thing which looks like fun.

You've made an entertaining criminal comedy out of it, juggling bungling elves and reindeer smarter than they are against a backdrop of thoughtful conflict about toy safety. (I just signed a Consumer Reports petition to increase safety standards for toys with batteries, so this is especially relevant and important.)

The details are hilarious, with the predictable squabbling of morons and the mastermind groaning in frustration. Everything was well thought out, though it seems like you might have been in a hurry when you wrote it... IDK. When I write for the Official WdC Contests I like to bulge the word count as much as possible to get a really good story. You've done well keeping it brief, and I have nothing to suggest for improvement to this jolly, lighthearted skit. It would make a great animation.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

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14
14
Review of Jesus Vs. Santa  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Leslie!

I'm on a quest for holiday reads, to participate in "12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window., and I thought yours might be amusing.

I've seen this title bopping around for a while now, but wasn't sure if it would be something subversive which I would find untasteful. Reading it now, I see I didn't have to worry. You've brought Santa and Jesus together in a way which is accurate and respectful, thoughtful and amusing. We chuckle at the characterization of Kris Kringle for what he is: a rather goofy fiction boiled down from countless Indo-European pre-Christian winter fables. And we smile at Christ's offer of redemption for this imaginary and as-yet unrepentant figure. (I've seen paintings placing Santa at the manger or reading a Bible... One can only hope he "got saved" *Laugh*)

The dialogue is clever and well arranged, with colored fonts helping us distinguish the speakers and rollicking humor keeping us engaged. (I just realized the "words of Jesus in red" is perfect because that's how the Bibles do it *Delight*)

Overall, this is a delightful piece which highlights the importance of remembering the true meaning of the season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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15
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Review of Spreading Joy  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, sir!

I'm on the hunt for holiday items ("12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window.) and found your poem.

It's a suitable reflection on the theme of finding joy in the simple continuity of life and seeking love and balance in everything from day to day. I see a sort of childish glee expressed in the last couplet as the narrator thinks of Santa even though he probably doesn't really "believe" in Santa anymore. Speaking of which, Santa's surname is Claus, without an E. A clause is a piece of fine print in that legal document you signed recently *Rolling* (just a little notary joke...) Anyway, I see where the narrator realizes the true meaning of Christmas, moving beyond the superficial to the basic truths of reality.

Your couplets feel at times rather strained or lengthy, but I know this is your preferred style and I can't think of anything better to suggest. It's a carefully crafted piece, and I'm glad you're finding reasons to be happy this season.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

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16
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Aundria!

Although I've only barely graduated from Newbie status this summer, I've seen your kind and creative presence inspiring many activities. I'm glad to finally get a chance to know you better and browse your portfolio.

This holiday story showed up when I looked for genre specific items for a particular challenge I'm working on.

I found it to be a relatable, amusing and heartwarming little tale of a girl unhappy with her Hawaiian Christmas. I love how her brother did his best to make her feel more at home, and I can appreciate the feelings of little Gracie as she moves from grumpy to peacefully accepting her unusual situation. I think I need to learn a lesson like that myself these days...

I saw nothing to suggest or advise about here; it's a peek inside Gracie's mind, with sensory details about sun, sand and palm trees that bring us into the scene with warm relatability. This is a pleasant story for kids and anyone else who is looking for a holiday tale.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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17
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

Ah, I noticed this Writer's Cramp prompt the other day (was it only yesterday?) And now I find your story from it, written with loving care.

You have captured the warmth of Christmas spirit here, with the eager boy Noah generously and thoughtfully preparing snacks and a helpful gift for Santa. It becomes a tradition each year which they both look forward to.

Your characters are drawn brightly and clearly, with the predictable good humor of Santa Claus bounced off against the surprise of a pickle sandwich. This doesn't come across as dull or cliche at all, and is a wonderful holiday story which I found in my quest for such in order to complete "12 Days Of Christmas 2024" Open in new Window..

I'd love to explore your port sometime soon *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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18
18
Review of Vice or virtue  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com! I’m glad to see you here and hope you can spend a little more time with us, especially during the holidays.

The first thing I need to tell you is that your title is misspelled. I didn't see anything else in my quick proofread. Then, I’d like to share the importance of modifying your font size with the row of tiles over the text entry box. I would recommend using size 4 or even 4.5 with the font you have here, for a better reading experience.

Now, with those little formatting things out of the way, I can express admiration for the subject you’ve laid out here. The balance between pride and hubris is something we all struggle with, indeed it’s a basic human thing of life. We accomplish things, we get praised, we learn and grow and improve ourselves, always striving to balance a humble heart with a strong sense of self-worth and confidence to handle everything we can dream of.

Your use of well-known Greek mythology to illustrate the care which one must be taken to guard one’s personality is a good idea. I also like the use of personal anecdotes to help explain in a relatable and immediate way the pitfalls of hubris versus humility. I can definitely relate to the experience in your art class, especially around here. I usually get lovely complimentary fluff reviews admiring my work… so when I get the occasional suggestion for improvement, I might feel miffed and not take it seriously. So this is a reminder for me and all of us to never stop learning and improving and accepting advice.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
From Gervic
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19
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and happy holidays!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 project.

I love your take on the theme, remembering a precious moment where everything fell into place perfectly for an unforgettable experience. (I need to inform you, as a dedicated weather nerd, the word is "cirrus...")

Other than that, I have nothing to suggest here. The flow is conversational and engaging, without the possibility of being too trite if it had rhymes. That moment of stunning beauty as we see the whale, a perfect ending to a lovely evening, is built up to in a splendid way. You begin with the setting, painting us the sunset and the reflection in the sea, and the ending reiterates this in the phrase "a sea of magenta sky."

This would make a gorgeous painting... I might try prompting my favorite AI art generator with words inspired by your poem and see how it goes *Smile* Say, would you like me to send you one of the resulting images to use as the cover art for this item? Let me know if I'm overstepping with this idea! *Delight*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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20
20
Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "December 4, 2024" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings!

You have such an intriguing way with words, and here it is especially memorable as you meditate on your life path and the challenges of seeking wholeness within yourself as the world falls apart around you. The phrase “genocidal technostates” speaks well to the global system entrapping so many people. As we reach into our souls and reevaluate our consumption of news and entertainment, we hope to collectively create a wiser and healthier future by tapping ancestral love and understanding.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

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21
21
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ned!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.

As I like to say, it's always fascinating to see how each of us has approached the same prompt with our unique perspective and experiences, compacted into tidy verses. Your rhyme is a pleasure to read, conversational and yet well metered without being trite. The concepts are real and relatable, reminding us that no matter how difficult things seem, there's someone somewhere who's got it a lot worse.

Don't forget to include a line count and also a word count, just for the sake of habit. I'll never forget the one time I forgot the word count in a story and missed a chance at an award *Crazy* *Laugh*

Nothing to suggest here, just a simple, wholesome themed poem.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*
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22
22
Review of Chasing Horizons  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I see your portfolio is filled with "comfort writing," cozy stories and poetry meant to evoke good feelings and make us smile. I used to fuss and fret about whether I could find out if someone uses AI to craft works of words for them. But I've come to the realization it almost doesn't even matter, simply because there is no way to tell by pasting the work into the so-called "AI detectors." If I cared to waste my time, I could find a detector which would tell me your poem is 100% AI generated, and I could also just as easily find a detector telling me it's 0% AI generated.

I will instead focus on the thought behind this. You have obviously posted it for us because you think it's a work of beauty, something positive to brighten our day and encourage us on our journey. Your method used to craft it is almost beside the point.

As a lover of music, I resonate deeply with these words. I get so much out of the music I listen to, it's amazing. I find the courage to get up in the middle of the night, the strength to press through long cold winters, and even a sense of companionship during lonely walks. Music fuels my imagination, fills my head with images, gives me a safe, neutral subject to write about, and creates a sense of time and place in what would otherwise be a dull and tedious life.

This theme is perfectly captured here, as the figure we see draws motivation from the music he has loved for so long. It reaches a place in his heart which can be difficult to access any other way. I appreciate this poem because I don't remember seeing anything quite like it here before. As a child, I would have loved to memorize this and write it down by hand in a notebook where I gathered my favorite poetry. The sense of meter and rhyme is especially appealing.

I notice you don't choose genres for your items. This one would work great as "Inspirational," "Music," and "Experience" or "Philosophy." Genres are important because people may not be able to find your items otherwise as they search the site.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*
From Gervic
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Beholden!

It's that time of the month... And you're it at least once *Bigsmile*

Yours is a classic theme, taking the form and creating something timeless and universal. So Lilli did tell us to have fun this week... I honestly thought I'd come up with that on my own *Laugh*

I think this is a good meter for extending out beyond a single verse, though perhaps it might become monotonous. If I had time, I'd experiment with crafting song lyrics with it, using the chorus and other natural shifts to add a different metric structure to keep it fresh.

Recently I stopped and counted the syllables in the opening verse of the *Think* *DragonHead* *DragonHeadB* song Gods Don't Pray, and found it's a perfect 10-8-10-8. As a lyricist, Dan Reynolds depends more on poetic meter than melisma (as Ryan Tedder does) to carry his melodies, which I find fascinating. I've always been kind of puzzled by the differences between lyrics and poetry. I like lyrics that "look" as good as they sound...

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*

From Gervic
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, I'm about to stick my foot in my mouth again. Please forgive me for this outrageous statement. AI generated content is a controversial subject around here, and I like to test people's work before I review it. So I pasted your poem into https://www.zerogpt.com/ and it came out 0% AI generated. Not happy with that, I pasted it into my personal favorite site, https://quillbot.com/ai-content-detector and was horrified to find they marked it 100% AI generated *Shock2*

I'm beyond dismayed and embarrassed. This has nothing to do with you; I'm not accusing you of anything. Rather, I'm asking you quite humbly to set me straight and assure me you wrote this lovely poem yourself. (And perhaps reassure others as well, by adding a note at the top of your item... Since this is a public review *Blush*) You must be quite insulted by my impertinence.

Putting all fears aside, I'll do my best to review this in the same way I would anyone else *Smile*

Your rhyme and meter is charming, lending a sweet triteness to the metaphors like a Valentine's poem. We don't see any hint this love has "flown the coop," except for your subtitle. Considering that, we realize it is a contemplation of a past relationship.

I admire the creative language you have here, portraying the beauty of your lady love in new and fresh ideas which are at once picturesque and entirely decent. The theme comes through of comparing her to things in nature: sunrise, starry skies, etc. And at the end we see it's her wise and kindly spirit which is most impressive. This is the cherry on top, letting us know the narrator values his love beyond her body and through into her soul.

All in all, this is perfect, like a Hallmark card brought to life in our minds. It could even be a song, if you added a repeating verse at beginning and end to summarize the theme, perhaps one capturing the thought expressed in the subtitle, of having lost this wondrous love and only dreaming of what was, seeking wholeness in your memories of her.

You can try entering this into several poetry contests around the site, such as "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. and "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. when it reppens. I can't tell what size and style of font you've used while on mobile, but I always recommend Size 4 Verdana for the best reading experience across devices. You can adjust these things by playing with the row of tiles above the text entry box. Check out "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. for help.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Quill* *HeartT*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button because I accidentally clicked on it once today and needed one more review (total of three) to get the 250 GPs for the day’s work…

Well, this is a fun theme, derived from the Writer’s Cramp prompt. Are you aware of the movie about the Russian spy lady who had synesthesia? There’s enough potential here for several novels. It’s written in your unique matter of fact style, and I appreciate how you always choose a nice large clear font. Perhaps a more descriptive subtitle might be helpful, but since you have a stock character (a rather useful trick, actually) I guess it doesn’t matter much. You’ve spun out a quick and intriguing story idea here. It was a good read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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