\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gungunwarrior/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
459 Public Reviews Given
462 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give a fair honest review on anything. I believe in giving every review a custom review and not a cookie cutter. I will point out all the mistakes as well as offer or show help to fix it.
I'm good at...
In depth reviews. I check flow, some grammar if it pulls the reader out of the story. I also check consistency, characters are they real, believable, or fake. I check your plot, theme, and look for flaws. I enjoy both tell and show having grown up reading tell all my life. I will help with ideas on what could make the story or chapter better.
Favorite Genres
I love comedy, sci-fi, fantasy, mysteries, and horror.
Least Favorite Genres
poetry
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
poetry
I will not review...
Bad poetry because I really don't know enough to help them fix it. Besides I really wouldn't know good poetry from bad. With all the different styles and structures what might not be bad at all. To me would be so rather then stick foot in mouth and chew vigorously. I would tell you the truth and say I suck at poetry and not disappoint one of the great people here on WDC.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 ... Next
101
101
Review of A sharp lesson  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Gurglesound Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 A sharp lesson Open in new Window. (E)
Kinda a gender-reversed version of "Goodbye Violet", with some of my own take.
#1970960 by Gurglesound Author IconMail Icon
Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your stay here as well as all the nice people you will meet. If there is any way I can help please feel free to ask me.

PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* Interesting take on the blueberry scene. Very nicely done. I loved the movie and my kids did as well i was forced to watch it a lot. I still like it and you did a great job of bring that scene alive today.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* Personally, I'd much rather die than endure this kind of public humiliation... Vince thought to himself. But it serves you right! I liked the way you worded and emphasized it. Very nicely done.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* I like the irony in the title and your description match as well as the body of the story. You followed the plot correctly. I did enjoy the way you twisted a few things to make it work better.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You did a great job on your characters. You gave us enough description to let us make the person come alive. I didn't notice over description on them at all. I did like some of inner tension on some of the characters as they interacted with each other.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You set up the stage quite well I had no problem remembering that room in the movie you did an awesome job of description. I found no over description on any of it.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* You made great use of the dialog to bring your story to life as well as advance the plot. "You think I'm stupid enough to believe that? I'm not missing out on this rare opportunity, and I'm NOT afraid of any of your small mishaps." Idiots! Side-effects on these kinda things never affect anyone, anyway. I picked this one because it is a good example of what I said earlier.

If there was any grammar errors or miss spelling I couldn't find them and I did read it through more then once. It flowed well and nothing jumped out to me as wrong. I gave it a five star rating you did a great job on it.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
102
102
Review of Finding Luna  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there chloemaner Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Finding Luna Open in new Window. (E)
One night in Los Angeles,a 13 year old girl Amanda finds a dog that will soon be hers.
#1970903 by chloemaner Author IconMail Icon
Welcome to WDC

*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB*I thought your story was cute. More like a real life story very nicely done.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB*"She had probably suffered neglection. "Well, don't worry little girl, your life is starting over on a better note." I said. Luna wagged her tail and jumped on my chest. I giggled with joy and laughter as she licked my face." I like this part because you did such a good job of showing the little girl with her new dog. You really did a great job.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* We normally check title and description and read the story and see how confused we get. There was no confusion because it all was as you promised. Your plot matched the title and description. Great job!

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You did a great job on describing your characters. You didn't over describe them but you left us lots of area to use our imagination.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You did a great job on your setting where all the action took place. I always knew where we were and I didn't have it over described great job on that.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* You did use the dialog well in this to advance your plot.

Now I want to take some time to explain something we sometimes do not pay attention to and that is how our writing looks to others. When an other author reads your work you want it at its best. If your computer doesn't have a spell checker you can use the site to do it for you. Since your new to the site finding out to edit an uploaded document isn't that easy. The trick to it is up load it save and edit or if you didn't use that feature just click on the e-mail and click back on your portfolio. It will bring up the edit button. Professional writers use spell checking as well as spacing and capitalization. Also look for punctuation, correct spacing, and indenting. You worked hard on your story you want it to show you are a professional. Being a professional is an attitude not some degree someone gives you. Remember your an artist with words, always take time to make it pretty. You never know who will read it.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

This is a review from "The Newbies Academy Group" Open in new Window.!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
103
103
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there Elizabeth Leerman Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Take a Bite: Introduction Open in new Window. (13+)
A bite from an apple can bring more to life than imagined, and the Devil knew this.
#1970820 by Elizabeth Leerman Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* You know at first I wasn't sure about it. The title was interesting the description was not what I was hoping for. I like to read so I started in and your very good it grabbed me into it and I just had to finish it and it left me wanting to know more so I would say that this is a great start!

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* For the sake of not spoiling it. I will not cut and paste the whole article here. The whole piece was my favorite.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* Like any part of a larger work it may or may not contain plot elements. Going by the title the young lady is working up to a plot point. The interesting thing about this is I am left with two ideas. Idea one she has become a vampire. Idea two she is working up where as my teenagers all tell each other to "Bite Me" to a fairy or fantasy creature and is cursed. I'm probably wrong but that is the ideas I draw given the title and description and the story.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* "My name is Amelia Gilbert; I am sixteen years old and a junior in high school. My life is ordinary… correction: was ordinary. I went to church irregularly, much to the disappointment of my parents, and to my pleasure." I really like this girl you introduced me to. You didn't make her a natural super hero just a normal teenager. That is what makes this so interesting to me.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You know I still have no clue where she is at right now, and I don't really care, because soon it will all come clear when I get into the chapter.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* It was all dialog great job of involving the reader with the dialog.

I hung out with my friends, ate pizza and had movie nights on Fridays, went out on disastrous dates with boys that made me stutter. <--- That last word it would sound and read better if it was shudder. Stutter takes us males in an unwanted area.

I gave this a five star rating because It was a great read and I would read more of it if you decide to continue it. Also it really was excellently done!

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

"You have been reviewed by a Newbie Member of The Talent Pond."

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
104
104
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there Joanna Ogan Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
A Courageous Emptiness Open in new Window. (E)
There's more to a soldier than the external bravery.
#1970716 by Joanna Ogan Author IconMail Icon
Welcome to WDC. I hope your settling in and finding all the fun things to see and do. Also don't forget all the nice people.

PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I read your piece all the way through. It flowed well, I could associate with you on this mostly it the reason I went to Vietnam but it was for four children not just one. I did have a rough time with some of the descriptions at times it looked like you were describing cancer or a life killing illness.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* If only she could see me now—boy, would she be impressed, I think. She’ll tell her friends, ‘Look! That’s my mommy standing there looking brave in her uniform. Look at her! Isn’t she beautiful? Isn’t she strong? That’s my mommy. I like this part because it what every parent would think about their little ones. You did a great job of installing those feelings and what we think our kids think at times.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* I have learned to compare title, description and story contents to decide on plot or lack of one. I think you did all that you described in title and your description. I'll sum it up as the reason we fight. It is interesting that the women fight for the children, the men fight for the women and their children.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You did a great job on both mom and the daughter. I like the part of her trying to get at the camera you did a great job I don't feel you over describe them.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* Having the Drill Sargent tap on the window reminded me of the old Marine Quonset huts they had at MCRD. We got to stay in for a week during basic training.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* Since your telling it as first person it is all dialog. You used it well to advance your point of how a woman feels about being in the military and holding her daughter dear to her heart.

That’s my mommy.’<--- This is the only error in the whole piece. I only found it by accident. I don't hold it against you lol I'm just showing you where it is at so you can fix it before the Grammar Nazi finds it.*Bigsmile*

The ache is almost unbearable—this choking, gasping, throat closing emotion that consumes me every waking minute; silent, body wracking sobs with enough force that my body curls over into itself and I come up gasping for air. <-- This part when I first read it I thought she had cancer. It wasn't until I got down to the camera part that it finally sunk through my Neanderthal brain that you were describing a woman's loss of her child. At first the thoughts were going on was this cancer? Or was she hit with a shell in Afghanistan? I'm not even sure this is bad. I'm just telling you what was pulling me around as I read this part of your work. It also made me want to find out why she was in such pain. I'm only going out of my way to tell you this in case it wasn't the effect you really wanted at the beginning.

I still think your story was a four star I found it informative and interesting. You did a lot of involving the reader. There was a few places it could read better but I don't have the skills yet to suggest ways to improve those areas.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
105
105
Review of Hi MOM I love you  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Robert Author Icon }! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Hi MOM I love you Open in new Window. (E)
Answer to my wife's question, "do I still love her."
#1970401 by Robert Author IconMail Icon
Welcome to WDC I hope your settling in making new friends and enjoying the nice people here.

PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I thank you for sharing that love filled letter to your wife. I seem to be on an emotional joy ride today. I just reviewed a poem that stirred up the sad memories of my fist wife and our divorce and the death of my mother since they happened closely together. As I explained to the other author you never know what your work does to other people until they review it and tell you. Don't be upset because my mothers death was a god send. She was already dead but the hospital refused to let her body die. And as for my divorce three months later I got all four kids. Getting those four kids was the best thing that ever happened to me! I remarried and feel the same way you do about my second wife.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* At that moment I looked into the magic of your eyes and I promise that I love you now and I always will, TODAY, TOMORROW AND BEYOND. I know most of us husbands feel this deeply about our wives. We just get so used to the day to day routine we forget to show them where our heart of hearts really is.

*BulletB* Errors *CheckB* Please allow me to show you this. Your title and the start of your letter do not match your description. When a reader or reviewer first look at it we see "Mom" at first glance at deciding to read this. The use of "Mom" I know is your special term for her. To be honest I call my wife mom as well since we have a lot of kids together. But it also confuses the reader at first glance I thought this was your real mother you were writing to until I got to the middle parts oops. Remember your audience the childless married couples or single people will associate "mom" with mother. My only suggestion to stop the reader confusion would be use her real first name in place of mom in the title and at the letter start. There is no other errors to even worry about. I didn't notice any that stand out or any bad grammar or miss spellings. I still rate this as an excellent work from the heart. I gave it five stars and I thank you so very much for sharing it with us.


*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
106
106
Review of A long way to go  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there Artie Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 A long way to go Open in new Window. (E)
Short shots contest entry. A couple peculiar figures begin their journey.
#1968830 by Artie Author IconMail Icon


PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I enjoyed this little story. I liked the way you described the differences like the hint "rises to his feet beside the taller human." That told me that Griffith was not human but something else. Now my curiosity was peeked I wanted to know if it was an alien or what. So I read the whole story. I found it a cute short short story and thought it was well written. I wish I could write that well.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* A heavy grunt escapes him and his hands claw at the rock face for a supporting ledge. His feet aim to find purchase on the rock face. With a push upwards he's pressing his fingers to the rough stone and aiding himself in rising to stand tall. He brings up his arm to wipe the trailing beads of sweat from his face on his red sweatshirt sleeve. "Wow.." Breathes the teen and a smile tugs at his lips at what stood before him. "I can see a long ways on the horizon up here. Griffith come on, look - Griffith?" The reason this is my favorite part is I loved the way you described the rock climbing and the way we would do it was very good descriptive writing doing show me rather then tell me.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* I gather the plot is about the human and the elf doing deliveries this does match your title well. But I felt I needed more in the description as well. I'm finding we really don't need to put contest entry in our descriptions as much as we want to really sell the reviewers and the readers on our work.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* I love the way you developed the characters you didn't over describe them but added to them as we read more that has to be one of the best writing techniques around.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* I loved how you used the show us technique on it from the boulder top and slowly added to it. Very nicely done.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* "Come along human! I thought you were the one leading. Or has the follower become the leader?" I loved how you used the dialog to advance the plot as well entertain the reader.

A journey in which more bonds would be made and who knows, perhaps paths will cross and this little elf wont have to go back home with the month was up?<----This part of the sentence doesn't make sense a suggestion would be "home when the month was up?"

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
107
107
Review of On Fiercest Winds  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there acceptthemystery Author Icon }! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#3936106 by Not Available.


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I liked your idea on death. It does seem more dignified. The real truth is who wants to die alone?

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB*Katie's garden hot-air balloon is framed against the slate-grey sky. The canvas is a sea of different greens, of trees and plants and grass. Dotted around it are subtle flashes of colour: flowers, glinting sunlight, even the occasional beetle. It's a beautiful balloon, nestled against a backdrop of tall orchard trees.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB*I like the idea of love forbidden between the two. Your title doesn't really quite go with the story since the plot isn't about wind it's about forbidden love with a plot twist now the description is right on for the story. I like the twist and the ending great job.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* Jonah is struggling to tell her all though you don't really tell us why it is forbidden to tell her since she is dying? You did a great job on show us the reader your character's. You didn't over describe or do a lot or repeating.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You did a great job on show us the reader your world through your character's eyes. You didn't over describe or do a lot or repeating. This was some of the best descriptive writing I have seen.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* You used your dialog well to paint your plot advances and show us the interplay between the woman and the man.
“It's not going to be a beetle,” Katie said.

“You're coming around to my piratisms then?”

“Two things.”

“Yes?”

“One, it's going to be a garden.”

I smiled. “That's good,” I said. “That's you.”

“I hope so,” Katie said.

“Two?”

“Two, there's no such word as piratisms.”


I pried and tried.
I looked far and wide.
Alas no bad grammar,
Could this Grammar Nazi find! (Please excuse my poor attempt at humor but it is true!)


*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

"You have been reviewed by a Newbie Member of The Talent Pond."

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
108
108
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there KittyLB9 Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 The Perfect Mom vs Super Mom  Open in new Window. (E)
I updated this, but its a great thought I want to share and get input on it.
#1968727 by KittyLB9 Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* This reminds of the time I used notepad to write in. Since I have a dyslexic keyboard my text was pretty strange to read and it had no spell checker. I liked the idea behind your short story. But isn't it a must to show the world a professional piece. Even Super Mom would agree that we always do and show our best.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* Its a title you have earned, you have cried, sweated and bled for it. Own it. Enjoy it!
You know this is so very true I agree on this point. I really like your truth about super mom nice way to point it out.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* I like the way you built up on this idea the super mom is a title not a state of being perfect that all moms aspire to work for. Now some points of interest your title was true to the plot but your description started out pretty good but you used it not to advertize the piece so much as to try and get reviews. True you want your description to do that but you want it to sell your story not be a commercial.

         I don't know about you, but most people have grown to hate commercials. Because they have this annoying habit of playing right at the best part of the movie, show, or sitcom. Its a term called obtrusive advertizing. I really hate it and for a writer trying to become a professional like mom is trying to be super mom. An editor would not read this kind of work based on that description.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB*We learned a lot about you from the piece. You didn't over describe yourself it was very nicely done.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB*You did well on setting as well no over descriptions.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* Since this was all first person it was all dialog and you did well on advancing the plot as well as describing those wonderful traits moms have.

         Okay now to show you a trick I learned this site uses Writer ML it is an online word processor with spell checking built in for those of us who cannot afford Micro Soft products for word processing. Or other expensive software. when you upload your static item and save it you can go back into your portfolio and click the edit button. If words are underlined with red you can right click them and the spell checker will help you with choices just pick the correct one.


As the 2013 holiday season has reached its apex, and I have rushed around trying to do way more then(should be than) is good for me, I had an aphany.(should be epiphany) We have all made a grave mistake! Every time we hear Super Mom we think The Perfect Mom. Even I made this mistake. The Perfect Mom is like the Holy Grail, we've all heard the stories of it, the glories and wonders of it, and many of us have almost killed ourselves trying to gain it, but I dont (should be don't) know of anyone who ever actaully(should be actually) gained either. Super Moms are something else though, something more real and easier to reach. Super Moms are more like Super Heros.(should be Heroes) Right down to the tramatic(should be traumatic) life changing moment thats(should be that's) in every good back story. You remember the moment, I bet you ever remember the exact date, a few of us even remember the exact time! The moment you brought your first baby into the world, when you became Mom.(not a complete sentence needs rewriting) Since then you have learned to do all manner of things that are beyound(should be beyond) the reach of many. There is little you cant do one handed, on almost no sleep, while someone repeatedly calls your name in the background. Is your house always spotless? Nope. You're not Perfect, you are Super Mom. But most the Moms I knwo(should be know) can clean the mean parts of their house in the 30 mins between when they get the call someone is on the way over and when they are at your door. You are the one that takes care of every other member of your house hold, no matter how sick you might be at the time. Meals get made, things get clean, projects get done, errends(should be errands) get run, kids get cared for. No matter how little sleep you have, no matter how sick you are, no matter how bad Mother Nature kicks you once a month, you keep going. You move on, you get things done. If that isnt(should be isn't) Super, I dont(should be don't) know what is. Its(should be It's) not always perfect, its(should be it's) not always when you want it done, and yes there are things that slip through the cracks. But you arent(should be aren't) perfect, and that is ok. Why? Cause you are Super Mom. Its a title you have earned, you have cried, sweated and bled for it. Own it. Enjoy it!

Notes: Always remember spelling and punctuation count when your working to be a professional. A suggestion is follow the 'its' rule it's = it is and its = possessive.

         It is okay to abbreviate but spell checkers like the one on the website will highlight ok and mins according to it ok = okay and you should spell out minutes. But to be honest if you right click them and select add to the dictionary on each one it will leave them alone after that.

         I did this to show you that as a writer this is our art the forming of words in creative ways. This is a good work but you want it to shine. Please use my suggestions or any other reviewers suggestions and make this work shine. You owe it to the other moms out there and to yourself.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

This is a review from "The Newbies Academy Group" Open in new Window.!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
109
109
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there cmmacneil Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 When you understand you can't go back ho Open in new Window. (18+)
That moment you understand the house you visit isn't your home anymore
#1968607 by cmmacneil Author IconMail Icon


PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* My impressions are that this a good piece of writing. you were blunt to the point and totally honest about your life. You have been abused and also the street life isn't the best thing to grow up under but neither was what your father did.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* In my advice today to alcoholics who are still drinking and reach out to me for help, I warn them that they still have much to lose when they tell me they have nothing left to lose. If they have kids and a spouse, yes, I say, they have more to lose than they realize and, once they are lost, even if a reconciliation comes somewhere down the road, some of us cannot go back home.
I like the way you tell them the full truth. The sad part is loosing what they have their family. Most of us sometimes do understand this, because we have never experienced this type of loss yet. I have been divorced and that is pretty close to it.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* Okay I need to point this out so you can understand why you want this. Your title isn't bad just too long you could just drop home from it because ho doesn't look very professional. Your description finished it up for you and was excellent. Your plot was great telling us why your title and description was put in place. They all describe your story plot very well.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You did a great job on showing the reader more then telling us. Thus your characters were not over described.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* Your settings were done the same way very good writing.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* Your dialog advanced the plot forward and since it was all first person it pretty much was all dialog anyway.

Now rating is very important here at WDC any piece that has drinking, swearing, and violence in it has be changed to ASR. Now don't get upset like I did over the word kill. The truth is you want it rated up there because most of your market isn't below 13 anyway. You really want the adults. As writers we should use the rating system as a way to target our reading markets just as you would as a professional writer does. I'm not the Word Nazi but as a pro we should always be aware of our markets.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
110
110
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there Lynn Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Your New Lifestyle Open in new Window. (E)
Positive Thinking
#1968620 by Lynn Author IconMail Icon


PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I see you have read the book as well and taken it's teachings to heart. I read your whole work as a story since it is not a letter or a advertisement I will review it as a story in the reader prospective.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* Do not allow anyone to make decisions for you. You can do that by yourself. Try as many positive solutions as you can. If you do not succeed, try and try again.. Wake up!

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* From what I read is to tell people how to stay positive.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* Just the first person telling this information.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* the setting is the readers mind and how it should react to the information given.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB*It is all dialog for the most part very well done but there are few things that could use some work.

There is no room for critizcism and anger of

others.<---First if you don't use a word processor with spell checker the WriterML will do it for you onsite. To use it after you up load your static item save it. I click on my portfolio link and find the new item and click on the edit button off to your right. Your spacing is way off as well causing this example of what I read. I think it would read better this way: "There is no room for criticism and anger of others."

This way

you can move toward realistic goals. Just change your way of thinking and all those negative emotions

will disappear <---Your period after disappears is missing probably do to the double spacing I stopped doing that on a static uploads it always screws everything up. All this could be fixed by using the edit button also.

Your life is in control., <--- This sentence doesn't make sense. Here are some suggestions: "You are in control of your life." also add "Don't let life control you!"

In conclusion the reason I am showing you all of this. Is because I did like what you had to say but as a writer as well as any professional they pay attention to detail. In order to see you succeed I am trying to help you with being a professional. Presentation is all about selling and getting sold as a writer. If we install good practices now while we are still learning, then being a pro will come natural to you. As you grow out of being a newbie. My real point to all this is: Would you ever see Steven King ever post a work like the way you did? If the answer is no, now you know why I'm telling you this.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
111
111
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there wastor64 Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Erotic Proclivities 02 Open in new Window. (18+)
A Heavenly Body on Her Way to Court
#1968574 by wastor64 Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* My general inpression was I would like to meet this lady as well.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB*She wore medium grey wool slacks over her lovely long lean legs. They showed the curve of her beautifully. The molded perfectly to the upper curves of her bottom. The slacks cascaded down tapering as they went and accented the curve of the back of her thighs and calves before ending at her black pumps.

She also wore a powder blue sweater, soft and luxurious, with a cashmere feel. The neck was low enough to hint at the cleavage further down, and high enough to be modest by most social standards. The soft material draped over her breasts only accented the firm roundness of her c cups. The bottom of her sweater was snug against her slim waist and hugged the slight curve of her hips. She certainly had an eye for picking an outfit that flattered her curves while maintaining the air of propriety.
Very nice descriptive writing you sure make us older men want more and also wish we were the one seeing this lovely lady. That was very nicely done very tasteful. One of the best jobs I have read.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* If the plot in this exercise of Erotic Proclivities was to exercise the description of this young lady with sexual desires then yes you hit it on the head. but your introduction description could have been a lot better. To give you an idea of what I'm trying to show you is this: "She appeared right there at the bus stop." Vers "Heavenly body going to court." Which story would you pick to read about from those descriptions?

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You did a wonderful job of the main character of the story the hot lady but you over described the male story teller. I'll explain more on this below.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB*I could picture a bus stop but it ended as soon as you got into the lady. Your describing of her made me as the reader forget about the settings and just focus on the lady. Who cares about the setting when you have such beauty standing next to you.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* Since the whole story was dialog you used it well to advance your plot and use the first person in a manor that was very nicely done. Great Job!

and I was attired in my customary black sacks and shoes, with a pressed, white, cotton, French cuff dress shirt with gold scrimshaw cufflinks. With this I wore a red paisley bow tie and black waistcoat. I completed my outfit with a brown hound’s-tooth tweed jacket.
As promised the description of why I was concerned and the male description. It reads like a shopping list. You had my full attention to him at the "works at the men's wear shop." Then you hit me with all that clever touch of male clothing which doesn't advance the plot and distracts me. I already had the man's sharp dressed outfit pictured in my mind. Now you drop me out of showing and force me in to telling mode. To be honest you could actually cut that section out of the story, and it would read a lot better. The other half of the coin is if you had described your male like you did the female. It would have added a lot more spice to the story, not that I'm into gay or anything. My point is who are your readers that your directing your art to? If half or more of them are female, give them some eye candy too! Another suggestion would be to have the hot lady describe the hot man.

She slipped it no, and ran her hands through her shoulder length hair.<--- Shouldn't 'no' be 'on'?


*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

"You have been reviewed by a Newbie Member of The Talent Pond."

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
112
112
Review of Erotic Haiku 03  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there wastor64 Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie of The Talent Pond! I am reviewing
 Erotic Haiku 03 Open in new Window. (13+)
last one I promise!
#1968302 by wastor64 Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* Personal Impression *CheckB* It reminded me of one of my eleven children. It is a kind of a cute way to express sex.

*BulletB* Tone & Mood *CheckB* The tone of this work is that of self satisfaction and the price you pay if your not careful and respect your partner.

*BulletB* Rhyme, Form & Flow *CheckB* Since it isn't a rhyming work this doesn't apply. It does follow the Haiku form and it flows well.

*BulletB* Emotional Impact *CheckB* Invoked memories of the intimate times I and my wife have spent together.

*BulletB* Grammar/Punctuation *CheckB*
I pried and tried.
I looked far and wide.
Alas no bad grammar,
Could this Grammar Nazi find! (Please excuse my poor attempt at humor but it is true!)


*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your poem *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your poetry. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

"You are being reviewed by a Newbie Member of The Talent Pond."


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
113
113
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Waldecam Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Powers of Thought, Where Could You Go? Open in new Window. (E)
She is more powerful than anyone but her dares to comprehend.
#1968352 by Waldecam Author IconMail Icon
Welcome to WDC. Nice to be able to review your work. If you have questions or need help please feel free to ask everyone here is happy to help.

*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* Very nice piece of short fiction. I felt as a reader it was very well done very easy to read.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* My favorite part was: I closed my eyes and pondered just a bit too long and hard. I thought about if the earth could feel me laying on it, and then why I was laying on it at all. Why didn't I just float away, high into the sky, never to be found again. I thought about all the magical adventures I could have, flying about the galaxy. I imagined myself rising up off of the prickly grass and smelling the wind in my face and feeling my stomach rise with the happening of weightlessness.
*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* Your title and your description match your plot. They don't mislead the reader at all.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You do you character well. not over describing just enough that the reader can fill in the blanks.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You did your setting well very nicely done.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* It was all dialog since it was told in first person. You did a great job.

I pried and tried.
I looked far and wide.
Alas no bad grammar,
Could this Grammar Nazi find! (Please excuse my poor attempt at humor but it is true!)

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

This is a review from "The Newbies Academy Group" Open in new Window.!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
114
114
Review of The Quest  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there Devashish Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 The Quest Open in new Window. (E)
Its an honourable story of a teen living in a town. MUST READ
#1968217 by Devashish Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I like the story it was funny and cute. I decided to just review it as a reader and not as a grammar Nazi. So I will not be pointing out any grammar errors. Also I noticed the writing was an Asian boy trying to write in English. So some of the wording is weird to native Americans. I am not going to suggest the changes because I like the piece as it is. I gave it a four star rating because of the grammar errors thus not perfect. But it isn't run of the mill either.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* My favorite part was: I was dam happy ran to home. Saw the message I had her reply after a whole year Ok it was "I must not say but story has a lot of grammatical mistakes. It has no base line. Even though I liked it very much and I am eager to read its end."
I felt like I was seeing a review from some of the authors on WDC. I found it very funny and glad you have such a great sense of humor.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* Typical boy meets girl, boy obsesses with girl until can date girl. You worked this plot into your story well. I think you even used some of the bad grammar to bring this plot to life. Which I found extremely amusing.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* I felt you did the characters well. I did have problems as a reader with mum and tuition I think you need to redo it because as a reader It stopped the story and left me with a huge puzzle on who paid it did mom or a friend or did the boy?

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* I had no problems with settings. You never over described and you were able to give enough to always picture where I was at in any given place in the story.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* You did dialog well using it to advance the plot. I liked:
She asked "You still use Facebook or not?"
ME-"Anh! Yes I occasionally do"
SHE-"I reviewed your book on and sended it to u on Facebook."
ME-"Thank.." (She left)

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

"You have been reviewed by a Newbie Member of The Talent Pond."

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
115
115
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Mravce Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 The day before Christmas  Open in new Window. (E)
How Christmas makes me feel
#1968226 by Mravce Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I love your view of Christmas Eve day and evening. What a joy you had growing up with those kind of memories to draw from. I think that is the real magic of Christmas is the joyful memories we all get to remember. Of the love and the giving, thank you so very much for sharing a beautiful day with us.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* My favorite part was: Shhh, listen a snowflake just touched the ground! The season of joy has arrived!! Quick, come over here, look outside it is magical! Christmas lights are lighting up as dusk tip-toes its way around the town. And these beautiful white crystals are dancing away to the Christmas carols, uniting as they reach a surface, piling up, giving everything a round shape. Come see how the night glows, come smell the smoke from the chimneys, come take my hand and let the snow crunch beneath your feet. Can you hear it, can you hear Santa's sleigh? Can you hear the bells, his Ho Ho Ho's, can you smell the cookies? Isn't it beautiful, all this happiness, gratefulness and selflessness? Let the magic take you away, let it play with you like kids with red cheeks on a cold winter's day. Let it hit you like a snowball out of nowhere, let it splash all over you, let it go down your back and make your spine shiver! And then let it warm you up like a crispy fireplace, a gulp of hot chocolate, a fuzzy blanket, a pair of worn gloves...

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* I felt the plot of your writing was the feelings and memories we all have on Christmas Eve and your did a beautiful job describing it.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* There was only one character and it was you describing your memories. Great job on showing us your great memories.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You described the town and house hold well. You were bring the view outside my window of the snowy fields alive. Very nicely done!

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* It was all dialog I really enjoyed the ending:
Shhh, listen a wish just flew by! The season of dreams has arrived! Quick come over here, look inside it is peaceful!! Children are tucked in as their minds behind their closed eyes make their way to wonderland. And these bundles of thoughts are carried away by the eagerness of tomorrow morning, wrapping up as they float all the way beneath the Christmas tree, putting a smile on every child's face. Come see how the lights go off, come look at heads sinking in pillows, come climb in bed and let the covers engulf your body. Can you remember it, can you remember the letter to Santa? Can you remember your childhood wish, your favorite toy, can you taste the warm milk? Isn't it beautiful, all this carelessness, warmth and innocence? Let the peacefulness take you away, let it make you sleepy like a bedtime story from your mother's lips. Let it hug you like your favorite teddy bear, let it press on you tightly, let it feel soft and fluffy and make you feel safe. And then let it make you fall into deep sleep like the last spark in the fireplace, the filament in the last Christmas light, a baby bear deep in its cave, an impatient child on Christmas' eve...

I pried and tried.
I looked far and wide.
Alas no bad grammar,
Could this Grammar Nazi find! (Please excuse my poor attempt at humor but it is true!)

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

This is a review from "The Newbies Academy Group" Open in new Window.!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
116
116
Review of Unfair  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Joy Hardiman Author Icon! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Unfair Open in new Window. (E)
A little rant of things I want to say and feel shame about.
#1968230 by Joy Hardiman Author IconMail Icon

Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner*Exclaim*


*BulletB* Personal Impression *CheckB* You know some days I feel just like that. If your religious it would be "Why me lord?" But alas it will still be the same we're stuck with this hand we are dealt. As my drill instructor would say, "Boo Hoo! Get over it. Bends and Thrusts for ever! Ready! Exercise!" This part below sums me up as well.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning
Under the pressure I know so well
There's no-one ready to save me
No hands to catch me
No air to breathe
Just my futile hopes and dreams
Because of the excellent job you have done with this poem I give you a five star rating.

*BulletB* Tone & Mood *CheckB* I felt the tone was set really well. It set the mood of someone doing soul searching. You have set your stage well we can feel your feeling and we can relate to them as well.
It's not fair
Nothing's really fair
But I feel
Fate's given me a worse hand than most
At this metaphorical game of life
I have no cards left and have been lying for so long

*BulletB* Rhyme, Form & Flow *CheckB*Your are using a form of poetry I have only seen once. I remember what I saw and your doing it correctly as far as I can tell, very nicely done. It does flow very well. I enjoyed the feel of it. As well as how well it flowed when I read the whole thing. This part was really well done!
I want to be strong
I want to be pretty
I want to be normal
I want my friends to be my friends
I want my life to not screw me round
Is that so much too ask for?

*BulletB* Emotional Impact *CheckB*We are always wondering why can't we just be allowed to be our real selves? You know sometimes when I look at my "real self" I am glad things don't allow me to be a real insensitive jerk I could be.

*BulletB* Grammar/Punctuation *CheckB* You know the really challenging part is trying to find bad grammar in this poem. You did such a good job in writing it that if there is any I'm not going to catch it.
I pried and tried.
I looked far and wide.
Alas no bad grammar,
Could this Grammar Nazi find! (Please excuse my poor attempt at humor but it is true!)

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your poem *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your poetry. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

This is a Paper Dragon Gang Newbie review

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
117
117
Review of For You  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there CarpeNoctem Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 For You Open in new Window. (E)
About giving everything you have to be with someone who doesn't even know you exist.
#1968118 by CarpeNoctem Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* Personal Impression *CheckB* I see a woman who is in a selfish relationship. With some jerk of a man, who has mounted her on his trophy wall.
*BulletB* Tone & Mood *CheckB* You set your mood as a woman begging this creep to be her partner. I can feel her heart breaking and the pain in her.
*BulletB* Rhyme, Form & Flow *CheckB* You were very good in your rhyming until that last stanza. From and flow was great for the whole work.
*BulletB* Emotional Impact *CheckB*I could feel her heart breaking, and as a male what I wouldn't do to find a woman like that. So willing to give all for the one she loves.
*BulletB* Grammar/Punctuation *CheckB* I want you to read out loud this stanza. The rest of the poem was awesome but this part is a big oops.
I can't so this anymore, its killing me, <--- Shouldn't 'so' be do?
Waiting for a day when you'll really see.
So when you finally want me, I'll be gone.
I'm tired of breaking for you, I'm done. <--- You need to redo these lines they don't rhyme, it messes up your whole symmetry. Some suggestions for example:
So when you finally want me, I'll not be a pawn.
I'm tired of breaking for you, I'm gone.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your poem *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your poetry. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

This is a review from "The Newbies Academy Group" Open in new Window.!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
118
118
Review of The Hangman  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there Robert Knight Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 The Hangman Open in new Window. (13+)
A man gets hanged.
#1967542 by Robert Knight Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* Robert I enjoyed your story. You use descriptive writing very well. I feel threatened, it looks like your trying to take my title from me. "The Run-on King." But since this is a short story I do have you beat because I have two novels full of run-ons.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* Lord Beltaire slowly steps back to the doorway and pulls the doors open to see the prisoner's limp body hanging like a pathetic dead sack. The crowd slowly disperses, the entertainment had ceased and the hangman is preparing to remove the corpse. The man had a family. The man had a life and a vision for the future. Lord Beltaire stares off into the air, looking back at his father's great castle, his great accomplishments, his great victory over life. He gained such a victory as to accumulate so much, such a victory as to prosper with so much. And when he died, he left it all to his only son, grateful and loving towards the only mentor he had ever had. And he remembers him with that painting.
I like this part because it tells me what your doing in the story.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* I gather your plot was how we like to kill off the ones who know what they want out of life while the seething masses just live on their pointless lives.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* From the reader's point of view I felt I didn't get to know the person being hanged. I felt there was some connection to Lord Beltaire. Other than an object for the hate of knowing where your going really doesn't tell me anything about the dead man.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You painted your setting really well. I had no problems visualizing them. I noticed you went to great lengths to tell us more about the feelings of our surroundings. They were the better parts.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* "Seems like today, there's just less and less of you". He rests the body in the back of his wagon and the horse pats the ground with its hooves, clacking against the cold ground.
You used your dialog well, and it advanced your plot good job.

Lord Beltaire stands behind his white polished railing bearing his eyes upon the center square in front of the Testle Market, just south of the great fountain that stands along the side of Lord Hamerson's manor. His fingers tightly fold behind his back and his arms cling to his sides as a man in raggedy patched cloths is lead up to the platform. The tall wooden beams sway slightly in the wind that carries the Fall leaves up like little birds flying away, their small wings shimmering in light reds and brownish yellows in contrast against the grainy stone and white marble in the center square. A quick chill runs down Lord Beltaire's skin and crawls out through the sleeves of his coat, the white frills sticking out to warm his arms which tighten behind his back as the roughly clothed man is masked by a dimly thick sack. The wind rushes in behind Lord Beltaire and through the double doors to fill the room.

Okay this is the hard part I want you to read this paragraph out loud, and notice where you pause and where you bulk at. Those places are where you need to either place a comma or put a period. This is one of the best written set of run-ons I have ever found. The reason I'm taking time and showing you this. With the heavy descriptive writing that you do. If you run five sentences into one, your reader stops reading, and goes someplace else to read. Without the correct punctuation your writing is clunky, slow reading, and hard to find what your trying to tell us. If you would go back in and put the correct spacing in your work when you upload it. This too really helps the reader. Remember your an artist with words and with any artist we take pride in our work. Salesman ship is everything as well. Good spacing, punctuation, and the beautiful way you write will see you go far. I didn't find one misspelling in this piece. Now if I could just get that good myself.


*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

This is a review from "The Newbies Academy Group" Open in new Window.!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
119
119
Review of Who's Out There?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there brin Author Icon! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie of The Paper Dragon Gang! I am reviewing
 Who's Out There? Open in new Window. (18+)
A lone traveler is baffled by strange sounds in the night.
#1967591 by brin Author IconMail Icon


PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I enjoyed your story. It was written as if you experienced it yourself. I liked your writing style. I felt like I was reading a professional piece and not newbie work.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* We’d been married for forty one happy years and then one day she was gone. I stayed in the house for almost a year after she passed but somehow it just wasn’t quite right anymore, being there without her I mean. The kids were all grown and gone and I had a steady retirement check coming in complete with all of the bells and whistles. One day I realized the walls were starting to close in on me and I knew it was time to leave and so I did.
I liked this piece for two reasons you did a really good job of involving us with your character and you set a plot hook into us that makes us want to find out more about this character.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* You did the best job of keeping my interest in the story as you built up to the finding the ghost and the road side marker. I would have liked to known more about the ghost but that's just the reader curiosity in me lol.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You did one of the best jobs ever building up the description of the main character. It was like you were describing yourself. You did it slowly not just doing a data dump on the reader. I enjoy the stories I read when they are not over described.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You know what is really funny is the road you were traveling down from Kemmer to I-80 I used to drive truck over a lot. I was servicing the oil and gas wells in that area. I was stationed out of Rock Springs, Wyoming. I never saw those trees except going across the Wyoming, Idaho boarder. But hey writer's license. I'm just giving you a bad time. A point could be made since from Labarge, Wyoming to I-80 is nothing but sagebrush, your setting could have been off. But the average Joe reader wouldn't know this. Back to reader, I found the setting very believable and to some degree close to real life. You did a great job of bringing your settings to life.
*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* Since this was all dialog because it was told in first person great job. You used the descriptions and your travel log well to advance your story and plot. You wrote it so well it is almost as if this was a real event and really happened. Very nice job.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
120
120
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there pearleid Author Icon }! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 how about my pride Open in new Window. (13+)
what many women feel
#1967452 by pearleid Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* Personal Impression *CheckB*This is an interesting piece. What drew me to it was your visual shape of the body of your words and the spacing if you look at it. You will notice it is shaped like a woman minus the head part. It pretty much is exactly what most men first look at on a woman.
*BulletB* Tone & Mood *CheckB* I found your mood that of a woman getting her heart wrenched out by some heartless jerk.
*BulletB* Rhyme, Form & Flow *CheckB*Since this is free form I'm not looking for rhyme. The flow is well, it reads easy and it does flow from line to line.
*BulletB* Emotional Impact *CheckB* It makes me sad this guy has this lady's heart and all he wants is just her body. That really is cruel and just plain selfish. One of these days he might wake up and realize what he lost. Then spend the rest of his life trying to find it again.
*BulletB* Grammar/Punctuation *CheckB* As with most poetry punctuation is where the author wants it lol. Personally I see no reason to fault a writer for using more than one exclamation point to drive a point home or draw attention to a plot point.

The only issue I have with your poem is the silly description. Let's look at it for a few if I may. I am going to explain this from the readers point of view not from a writers point of view. Okay title = "how about my pride." Notice you didn't take any pride in the way you presented your title and that is great it is telling us a lot all ready about the poem. Now the description = "what many women fell." I feel from the readers point that is a huge oops. Again no pride in it. I feel it has either a typo or your referring to something like Eve's fall from the garden, which by the way isn't referenced in the poem. Now the statement "what many women feel" really makes more sense and does add to the poem. It also adds to the imagery that the title set for us as well. You know it is kinda weird to get so worked up over such a silly thing. The truth is with poetry your messing with feelings and imagery it can effect the readers this way. Please fix it. This would have been a 5 star review your poem is that good.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your poem *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your poetry. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

This is a review from "The Newbies Academy Group" Open in new Window.!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
121
121
Review of The Rukjan  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there 256 Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 The Rukjan Open in new Window. (E)
The Dream That Can Never Be Shook
#1967394 by 256 Author IconMail Icon


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB*I found the story interesting. I love to read in the sci-fi and fantasy genre which this has elements of and also horror. The story once I started to read it was great. It sucked me in wouldn't let me loose until I finished it. The last line still has my interest peaked. I'm still trying to figure out if they are going to die, or is it all a dream, or will the Rukjan let them be because of the whale?

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* The whale shot directly into the mouth of the Rukjan, and it immediately froze. A very high pitched squeal began to emanate around the room as the Rukjan began to vibrate and undulate. The movements became larger and larger and the noise lower and lower until the thing before us seemed to evaporate into the very matter around us. We both stood in shock for what seemed like hours. When I finally realized that I was feeling regular and increasingly intense vibrations through my feet, I snapped back to reality. I looked over and Sera was gone.
I liked this part the best with nothing but dispare and death he feeds that monster with a toy stuffed whale. I love the irony of it all and I like the end results. Very nicely written.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB*This is something as a reviewer that I watch for and that is title and description do they match the plot. Now the reason I am even bringing these up is most of the time they all match or are very close. It was a fast way for me to see if you stuck to your plot. As a reader the plot I pulled out of this was how a brother and sister faced Armageddon. The title was great. But the description, you never gave me any clues to tie in the dream part at all. In fact the description is very misleading. Which does tend to disappoint the reader when your telling him one thing and story is telling him differently. The real plot you wrote the story about is great. I liked the idea and the way you showed what your version of Armageddon is.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB*This was one of the best reads I have read so far for character development. You don't over describe them. You give me just enough for me to find them interesting as well as entertaining. I enjoyed the way you described the Rukjan.

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You did a wonderful job on describing the comfort centers as well as the new world that the brother and sister lived in. You are doing a great job of making the reader share the experience with your characters as well as the settings.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* You only had two lines of dialog and they were fine. Since this was a first person as told by the brother you didn't need a lot of dialog to advance the plot and the story. But the last piece from the sister I found interesting. As we let go of each other, our tear-filled eyes met and Sera asked me, “Can we still have dinner together tomorrow?”

I dove the couple and threw the whale in my hand at the Rukjan.<-- If you read this piece out loud it makes no sense. My mind keeps filling in "I dived at the couple " My suggestion is to ask you to rework this as I feel your the best person to do it.

The whale shot directly into the mouth of the Rujkan,<--- I see you have a dyslexic keyboard as well. I'm not trying to be mean or nit pick. I know I would like to know all the flaws with my work so I can fix it and polish it up to perfection. From the work you have done on this story I felt you would like to know them as well. When you look at the word count and I could only find two mistakes. That is very good writing and great editing skills as well.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

"You have been reviewed by a Newbie Member of The Talent Pond."

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
122
122
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there Norky Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie from the Paper Dragon Gang! I am reviewing
 Eli's Reminisces [Part 1] Open in new Window. (E)
A mystery in the 1940's
#1967336 by Norky Author IconMail Icon


PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* You start out your story well. It is a good beginning. Is this story going to be a novel or just a short story is my main question? The reason I am asking is for reviewing it correctly. I will review it as a short story for now and from the reader point of view. The one item that everyone likes to find in stories is line spacing and paragraphs. I know from being a newbie that getting these stories into your portfolios can be interesting. I used to double space mine. The trick I found was load it in. Close out of it, come back to the portfolio, and now on this entry is options. I use the edit option and go in and fix up my spacing.

*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* It was hose 309 on Ridington St. I was Vice co president for the Jr. detective club. My best friend Sally Mouse lived next door at house 311. She was my age at the time, and came from New York. She had bright green eyes and long wavy brown hair. Her skin seemed to be the perfect amount of a slight tan. She was about an inch shorter than me. Sally was the other vice co president. Now shall we get back to the story or not. Good! Okay were was I now. Oh yes at the beginning. One day about 70 years ago. I was playing a board game with my little sister Susie and my Uncle Ken when the telephone started to ring.” I liked this part mostly for the story set up you did with it.

*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* I am assuming your plot is finding the two missing boys and the rubies. For a novel your doing a great job of setting us up for the real plot a few chapters down the road. Your doing your character build up nicely but I as a reader think you over doing it but that is just my opinion as me the writer/reader in this case.

*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You have set up your characters well. A question arises as to why you took time to do so much description on Jessie when the main story is about Grandma. Does she have a main character spot to play other than interrupt grandma's story?

*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You got into controlling what the reader sees here instead of giving us an idea to form our own fill in with. In a short story this does stall reading, and at some points makes us the reader drop the story. This is based for the short story part. But in a novel your building up what we need to know in future chapters which is done nicely.

*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* Your dialog is great but you do need to go back and double check the punctuation in some of it. We all make these small little things that seem to drive judges and editors nuts in reading our works. I enjoyed the dialog greatly I saw how you used it to add flavor and spice it up a bit as well. Your using the grandma and excited child extremely well in a very believable fashion.

When she got to Grandma Eli’s Jamie was just setting down a cup of steaming hot tea on a platter with biscuits on the table.<-- From a readers point of view this sentence is distracting. It took me a few minutes to figure out who was was who in it. May I suggest a rewrite on it. Something along the lines of: "When Jessie got to Grandma Eli's, the cook was just setting down a cup of steaming hot tea, with a platter of biscuits, on the table."

“Oh yes miss! I did! Thank you Jamie” answered Jessie.<--- This next part, if I called my Grandma miss she would smack me for insulting her. She being a proper lady would insist on me calling her grandma and nothing else. I could get away with using mam as well. But to call a married elderly lady miss is an insult.

“I was about two inches taller than you my dear with brown eyes, and dishwater blond hair along with tan skin.<--- May I suggest something that I found interesting about descriptions in my writing. If they have no real use in your plot, but are just more word count. Drop them the reason is like a lady's purse. Everyone knows what is inside a lady's purse. The only thing we would describe as being in the lady's purse is what will carry the plot forward. An example is the plot is getting to Dallas Texas and inside the purse is two plane tickets to Dallas. My point is what does tan skin and dishwater blond do to the plot? Besides you did this description earlier with Jessie so just say instead: "I was about two inches taller than you my dear." This doesn't over describe Grandma to us and your carrying the plot forward. One other trick is to add the plot carrying items in different parts of your narrative instead of in one long dull sentence. Such as: "Jessie smoothed down her short blond hair as she ran to grandma's house."

It was hose 309 on Ridington St. <--- I found this miss spelling pretty amusing. I would suggest hose be house.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
123
123
Review of The Face on Mars  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there brin Author Icon! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 The Face on Mars Open in new Window. (13+)
One conspiracy theory explained.
#1966904 by brin Author IconMail Icon


PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB*I found your story amusing and different. The only real Issue I had with it was spacing. Your not stuck with writing ML upload spacing. You are allowed to edit your work and put blank lines in the document but the indentation threw me for a loop for a while. It wasn't until I learned that you can put {} and stick the word indent between them and it automatically does the correct indent on your paragraphs. Rather cool in some places a pain in the back side in others. The other reason is spacing makes the readers job so much easier and a lot of reviewers will pass up good reads because, "Gasp! You guessed it we are lazy."
*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* “Let me see if I’ve got this right” Henry asks, rubbing his chins “You want thousands and thousands of us to work years and years on that hill over there so that thousands of years from now an alien may send a satellite over and see the face we made…”
“If they do it at the right time of day…” George interrupts.
“At the right time of day” Henry continues “So that they’ll know we were here ten thousand years ago?”
“You’ve got it!” George exclaims, clapping his hands together gleefully.
I still have a smirk on my face from that part. It is funny and only aliens would do something like that just for those reasons because us humans wouldn't lol.
*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* You were right on and the title and the description were exactly correct with your story. I did enjoy it especially the aliens.
*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* I loved Harry and George. Great job on doing them you gave use just enough description to picture what our minds wanted to see down there on mars.
*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* You set up your stage really well. You left tons of room for our minds to envision the story and plot. As well as get a good chuckle.
*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* “You know” George says to his friend “We won’t always be here and I think it would be a really neat idea if we could leave something for alien races to find thousands of years from now so that they’ll know we were here”
“Huh?” Henry replies.
“You know, a legacy. Maybe a monument of some sort. Yeah, a Monument, that would be great, really neato!”
“Uh, a monument? What kind of a monument?” Henry asks.
“Oh, something big, really big. Something a bit subtle but really big, just the same.”
I found this dialog funny and amusing. I feel you did a great job with it. I loved the satire and irony of it all. It was a great plot push as well.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
124
124
Review of So Not Normal  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there Cassandra Author Icon ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 So Not Normal Open in new Window. (ASR)
Hey guys this is my new book about a girl with school problems. Don't forget to review!
#1962419 by Cassandra Author IconMail Icon


PDG motto: "Offering quality helpful reviews in a positive and encouraging manner."


*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I decided to check out chapter 1 to see what I had missed. Your writing is a lot more polished on this chapter. Pretty much a great job on the mannerisms on your character. I feel I should warn you that what your doing is great, but down the road when the slag changes, with the next generation of school kids. This language will date your work. If your striving to write as a professional writer you want to watch out for things that can date your work.
*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* "So, how was school?" I wasn't surprised to hear the famous question every mom asked their daughter on the first day of school

"Hmm. Fine. Cool," I replied back the famous answer that every daughter said to their mom.

My mom sighed. "Jennyfer, why don't you be more honest to me? You really expect me to believe that?"

You know I have had the same conversation with teens through the years. You just had it all down like a real teen would do. Nice touch.
*BulletB* Plot *CheckB* Okay since this is part of a book with having read the whole book or your plot out line it is hard to say that this chaper segments were carrying your main plot forward. I am going to say that it is heading in the direction of your description we will not actually get to the real plot beginning until probbly a couple more chapters from the way your setting up the characters and the settings.
*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* Your doing great in explaining them and showing us a lot of detail. The only suggestion I have is as a reader too much detail doesn't flow well. Especially if the heavily describe character gets killed or moves out of town in the next few chapters.
*BulletB* Setting *CheckB*Your doing a great job on setting up your main areas of contention, the school class rooms and the locker hall ways. You are doing well with the home. These are not over describe which leaves us the freedom as a reader to "fill in the blanks" which is exactly what you want.
*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* Your using the dialog well. I see a lot of pushing the plot forward in your dialog. I'm seeing more character quirks and suttle hints as to what's coming in the missing next few chapters which for novels is exactly what your looking for!

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

You have been reviewed by a newbie of the Paper Dragon Gang.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
125
125
Review of Christmas Lights  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Carlakor Author Icon }! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing
 Christmas Lights Open in new Window. (E)
She wondered briefly if aliens celebrated Christmas.
#1966770 by Carlakor Author IconMail Icon


Welcome to WDC.

*BulletB* General Impressions *CheckB* I read this story not really knowing what to expect. It took me a few to figure out that they were watching Armageddon during the Christmas holiday. that was me not you on that the writing is very good and well done. My only real criticism was did she really have to go caroling? Which is a plot question and has nothing to do with the review.
*BulletB* Favorite Parts *CheckB* Twinkling lights reflected in her eyes. From outside the space shuttle, thousands of stars greeted her a happy holiday from light years away. She wondered briefly if aliens celebrated Christmas. I liked this part the most. It sets the stage for both the action to come and adds to the deception of what is to follow.
*BulletB* Plot *CheckB*I love the idea of Christmas at the end of the world. The title and the description don't give us a clue to the plot. But they are not misleading either. I felt they were neutral and they added to the plot twist you set us up for. By the way nice job on that.
*BulletB* Characters *CheckB* You gave us just enough detail to picture a living female cosmonaut, and her dead copilot.
*BulletB* Setting *CheckB* That was quite a stage you set up. The horrifying truth that war if looked on from above would seem beautiful.
*BulletB* Dialog *CheckB* “Jenks, if you need me, I’m going to go caroling,” she called out to the empty room. She went back to the cabin and put on her space suit. She flicked on the switch to ground control.

“Feliz Navidad, Ground Control. Have a Merry Christmas.” I liked the irony in your dialog. Both to the dead copilot and to the dead ground control.

You had no noticeable grammar or punctuation errors. I'm just an optimist I think she would have lived for the hope of finding survivors. Either way it was a great story.

*Exclaim* Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story *Exclaim* Whatever another person says -- especially me *Exclaim* -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion *Exclaim* You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story. *Exclaim*

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!

"You have been reviewed by a Newbie Member of The Talent Pond."

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
158 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 7 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gungunwarrior/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5