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OLDWARRIOR'S POETRY FOLDER

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You know it's Sci Fi when...

Themes, Elements, and Tropes. Some things that Science Fiction is best known for.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Good News Abounds!

Even in the midst of trying times, joy can be found, if you look for it.

The Decision

The fate of hundreds lies in Jay's hands [What A Character! entry, 8 / 2018].

Irritating Sayings

Which saying do you dislike?

All My Quills

You thought this was about award nominations? Yeah, it is…

READ A NEWBIE

Things I Regret Saying

A raw poem about words spoken in pain, and the heartbreak they left behind.

The Question of Why and How

Probably doesn’t have a rhythm, I am sleep deprived.

Exams and Anxiety

Guess who I am? A student. Guess what I have? Exams. This is a poem.

What am I even doing-

Request by a friend to make a poem out of my previous poem descriptions… WHY WOULD YOU-

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Hearing

So many ways to play with the lines. Nothing set in stone but I am 80% + deaf.

Irritating Sayings

Which saying do you dislike?

Loss is Timeless

Loss is a heavy burden

The Decision

The fate of hundreds lies in Jay's hands [What A Character! entry, 8 / 2018].

Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/huntersmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/20

🌖 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,125 Public Reviews Given

3,266 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

Public Reviews

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476

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3905862

Review of Love Lost...and Found

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jim

Well, my friend, you've done it again. I am always amazed at how creative one man can be. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Love Lost...and Found"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I see we both went with "commercial" solutions to meet our writing needs today

I did iPad, you did MasterCard.

Creativity/Impact:
You're so darn imaginative with your writes! I'm always amazed at how you come up with these scenarios seemingly without breaking stride while I struggle

. Just don't stop!

Plot/Content:
An infected AI, a looming battle, and a "quick fix". How do these disparate pieces fit together? Ask Jim

This was a really clever story and you managed to stitch it together so no one would ever see the pieces - only the whole cloth. Brilliant, as usual. Great use of dialogue to carry the action. You always manage to "show" not "tell." I do have one comment: "Yeeehaaa?" I was afraid for a minute that you had switched to "Marlboro Country" LOL

Technique/Technical Notes:
As always, not a comma out of place. I think that's part of the reason I so enjoy your stories - the plot is all I have to focus on.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An thoroughly enjoyable read. Your creativity always shines and this was no exception. I found myself smiling the entire read, knowing that you'd come up with a clever ending. You didn't disappoint. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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477

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14 days may be credited.

#3905478

Review of 'Til Death Do Us Part

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Isola Bertolucci

My name is Ken. Thank you for inviting me to review this, your first attempt at a Lai. (I just did my first too

) It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "'Til Death Do Us Part"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see, although you've posted a few writes, that you're relatively new here. Welcome to WDC! We're glad you joined us. I hope you rekindle that young girl's passion you spoke of ... in words, of course.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I see you're from Hermann - were you dipping in the wine just a bit?

I'm just teasing you! I was there in May! A really nice first go at a tough little form.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was a creative way to tackle the whole business of matrimonial development.

Plot/Content:
Assuming I'm not reading too much into this (and, I'll warn you - no poem is ever complete until it is read. Each reader will add or change layers of meaning according to their understanding. I'm always amazed at what others see in my poems LOL) you've taken us from friendship, to passion, to marriage in this Lai. Verse 1 lays out the starting point - we're friends until more is desired (desire being the operative word

) and you present that to us as a "capture." Verse 2 is the passionate phase but eventually wears down and you present that as a time of "rapture." Verse 3 is the marriage phase and you don't seem keen on that, presenting it as an anvil upon which the relationship "fractures." I'll not argue over your generalization of the process

but allow me to make one observation. When working with such a tight form (36 syllables) don't forget the importance of the "Title." This is the first thing people will read and it sets the expectations for what follows. When I read "Til Death Do Us Part" I wasn't expecting the poem I read, rather I saw this as a more positive take on matrimony. Just something to think about.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You used the form very well. There should be NO spaces between lines as the Lai is a 9 line (per verse) poem. There's nothing wrong with using the 2 syllable lines as "summations" which you did here but there are other forms which require that technique. This one doesn't.

Punctuation can be your friend

but I think you misused it here, punctuating each "verse" the same. The comma at the end of the 1,4,and 7 lines is not need - in fact, it interferes with the poem, especially in the final "verse." See the difference:

As written: Partners of free will (pause) 'till death an anvil (pause) Fracture.
Rather than: Partners of free will 'till death (pause) an anvil (pause) Fracture.

Additionally, the shortened version of until is 'til or till - not 'till

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this a very interesting take on marriage. I think, with some corrections, this will be a good introduction to form poetry for you. I currently have around 75 different forms I've written to so feel free to drop by my port if you're interested in pursuing forms. To me, your talent is apparent but you need to continue to read, review, and continue to write to pick up some of the skills you'll need to take you to the next level. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS - I've included all the GPs you sent - except 13 LOL It is the site's 13th birthday, after all!

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478

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3901795

Review of Interstellar Hookup

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hey Jim, you old dog ... err, I meant, how nice to see you back in the action

It's just me and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Interstellar Hookup"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. Sorry for the formality - Just trying to help out my group with a few reviews (LOL)

First Impression/Thoughts:
Great story, full of pathos and your wonderful sense of humor.

Creativity/Impact:
It's almost redundant to say Hyperiongate and Creative. As always, you never fail to amaze.

Plot/Content:
What a wonderfully creative choice for today's prompt! I was thinking of entering but after this, no way! This is a winner for sure. I love the set up and the character of Edmund really should have a continuing story line. What is it about A.I.'s that we find so fascinating? I guess it's their unbiased look at the world. Of course, your Edmund has slid more toward the "soft bags of meat" emotionally but he's totally forgiven.

Technique/Technical Notes:
As always, perfectly written. Great use of the prompt. Each word carefully chosen to impart the maximum story.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS Of course I'm returning your GPs.

I should be paying you for the fun in this story.

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479

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14 days may be credited.

#3900588

Review of A CONVERSATION WITH GOD

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Julie

It's just me, Ken. I saw your name pop up in the Newsfeed saying that you had finally found some time to write/update this item. How could I pass that up?

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A CONVERSATION WITH GOD"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I think this is more memoir than even you'd like to admit

. It certainly is a positive message that will bring hope to anyone who reads it.

Creativity/Impact:
Truth is not only rare, I think it's creative to find someone who willing to share it. It takes trust and faith and I hope you won't be disappointed.

Plot/Content:
This is a poem about talking with God and his affirmative answers. The say prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening to his answers. Whether or not you meditated, I believe you did get an answer in the renewal of faith you found. Beautifully said, my friend.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Hmmm. I think this was not only inspired but you showed careful craftsmanship in writing this. The rhymes are perfect, the meter smooth when read and spoken out loud. This is as close to a perfect write as I've come across here. Excellent job!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Not just enjoyable but an uplifting read. Your faith in spite of life's difficulty comes through clearly and I found myself admiring you for more than just the kindness and generosity of spirit that I've come to know you for. Thank you for sharing your message and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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480

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14 days may be credited.

#3899896

Review of Where the moon rest: In the ring

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hi Nicky ...

My name is Ken. Thank you for inviting me to review this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Where the moon rest: In the ring"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see you've only been here a short time. Welcome to WDC.

I hope you're enjoying your time here and hope that you've found growth in whatever directions that led you here. I think you'll discover that we're a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This was a "chapter" in an ongoing saga so I looked at it as just that. Still, it has to stand on its own. The reader shouldn't have to page back to understand what's going on and who the characters are.

Creativity/Impact:
I liked the story line as far as it went. Obviously, not knowing what had occurred I was working in a bit of a vacuum. Still, it is an interesting plot and I found it kept my attention.

Plot/Content:
It would appear this about a pack of werewolf warriors who are being forced to battle by unscrupulous owners. There's a lot of action here and for the most part, the story was smooth. About half way through, you changed perspective from Storm to Mikeal which, without the back story, I found a bit confusing. Guess I'll have to go back and read the first chapters

. I do have one comment about the title: [Title: “moons rest” or “moon rests]

Technique/Technical Notes:
I found a lot of issues with the technical side. The problems aren't with the story, they're with the telling. I'm going to email you full comments on the entire piece but let me highlight the first two paragraphs by way of explanation:

Storm stepped out of the tunnel. She immediately focused on the wolf already in the fighting ring. She ignored the noise of the crowd; Darius was her only focus now. His grey coat was matted and he had a mad gleam in his almost [Superfluous word] golden brown eyes. He was bigger than her and he lived for only one thing....... [An ellipse, showing hesitation, is only 3 dots with a space on either side] to kill. He growled and pulled his lip up [More dramatic and accurate since he didn’t use his paw

– "curled his lip"] revealing long yellow teeth.

[You don’t need 3 spaces between paragraphs – a single space will do]

Her [Gender issue – you refer to “his” earlier] "owner" used Darius to fight in these "public fights". Her [Ambiguous – “her” who? Too many “hers”] own fights were usually at his [Gender issue – you referred to the owner as “her” earlier] own private house. Both she and Darius have made him a very rich man. And [Shouldn’t start a sentence with a conjunction] Storm knew she was good. She has survived the last four years. She was not about to roll over, nor would she be giving Darius her throat and die.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I rated this as average due to the errors. The overall story was an exciting and enjoyable read. Your talent comes through clearly and I found myself wanting to know what happens next. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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481

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3898904

Review of Enemy Territory

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi 💙 Carly: poems & novel

My name is Ken. I saw your entry in the Baker's Dozen and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Enemy Territory"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I read this as a WWII or perhaps even (if I stretch) Vietnam setting. The action is well planned and the story consistent.

Creativity/Impact:
I like happy endings

so I enjoyed this. Having been in the military, I did see a few errors but, in truth, they don't affect the story. This is fiction, after all (LOL)

Plot/Content:
Our protagonist, "Patterson", has been separated from his unit and he's E&Eing it back to his unit - he hopes. I think you did a credible job in laying out the beginning and describing his tactics. He comes upon a group of the enemy and hides, hoping not to be discovered. For some reason, they become suspicious and begin to search until they are dissuaded by a flock of birds. As it turns out, the birds are actually a decoy set by the American soldiers. It was at this point that plausibility suffers just a bit. Still, as it turns out they discover Patterson and rescue him. Most of this is narrative, telling us about what's going on. Use more dialogue (external and internal) to bring the reader into the story.

Technique/Technical Notes:
There were a few minor things I saw. Some examples:
P1: At the end you write "If I could only get out of this hell hole." This isn't a complete sentence. In fact, I read it as internal dialogue. The convention for internal dialogue (thoughts) is to italicize it.
P5: At the end you write "sending me spiralling into my fear." Spiraling is misspelled.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read but the excitement was somewhat diluted because I was outside the story. Your talent comes through clearly, however. I encourage you to read, review, and continue to write! The technique will come with practice. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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482

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3896523

Review of Praise the Writer

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Gaby

I am reviewing this item for the challenge presented by Diane

. My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Praise the Writer"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
... and that's why you never get into a conversation about your reviews!

Creativity/Impact:
The call and response was the perfect foil for this poem. It allowed us to see the build up on both sides - reviewer and reviewee. This was totally fun to read.

Plot/Content:
You start, naturally, at the beginning - the offer to help. Of course, in successive iterations you begin to actually do what you were asked and the disappointment and denial begin to escalate. Isn't it funny how something a person works on for days, even weeks, they expect can be reviewed in minutes?

Well done in the build up and the words flow naturally. My only issue is the very last line. It felt like it was missing a word. Something like "That's what I expected" would have summed up the expectations without the awkward phrasing.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in Quatrains with an abcb rhyme. You stuck to perfect rhymes which is important with this rhyme scheme since you don't have the alternate line rhymes to carry you through near rhymes. Obviously, no spelling or grammar errors - nor would I expect them with a writer of your caliber.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable (and very close to home) read. I think you did a wonderful job of capturing the negative side of reviewing. Good reviews require thick skin ... on both sides! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Happy Birthday, WDC. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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483

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3895956

Review of It's not a formula, it's a relationship.

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi ruwth

I am reviewing this item for the challenge presented by Diane

. My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "It's not a formula, it's a relationship."

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I always find it difficult to comment on writing that is faith-based. Certainly, you can't fault someone for their beliefs whether you share them or not. But, I'm always up for a challenge, so here it goes

Creativity/Impact:
What a clever introduction to your talent. I'm sure it doesn't say it but somewhere it should be written "If Google's in your corner, who can be against you?" (e:laugh} Creative and fun.

Plot/Content:
As an essay, your title is your premise. That said, you set about laying out your position that finding God can't be done by the numbers (certain scriptures excepted - John 3:16 for example

- and yes, it was a bad pun). My issue with this is that you then lay out a 2 Step program - establish a relationship (which I take to mean acceptance) and speak to him daily (prayer). Whether or not you put numbers in front of each step is immaterial. My second issue is that in your examples of "5 Steps to ..." you used live links. To what end? If I'm reading this, why do I care about registering a business? I think this was a major distraction away from the very things you were trying to get across. Kill the links.

Technique/Technical Notes:
This was a clean write with no obvious spelling or grammar errors. I did notice in paragraph 2, you wrote "The world is looking for direction." You then use this exact phrase as the start of the following paragraph. It doesn't seem to fit both places.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting read. Your belief and dedication comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Happy Birthday, WDC. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

484

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3895901

Review of Wrong Turn

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi StarGazer

I am reviewing this item for the challenge presented by Diane

. My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Wrong Turn"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Give me a break! You stopped this here? Come on, there's got to be more!

Creativity/Impact:
As far as you went, I was intrigued by the story and you kept me reading. Knowing you billed this as "scifi" I was sure Amy had more than boobies up here sleeve

but now I'll never know.

Plot/Content:
We begin, simply enough, with a walk and a memory. Our protagonist (unnamed) is going out to a local haunt with her friend, Amy. You gave a good description of "the third street bar" and I felt very oriented that I understood the setting. Amy has too much to drink and begins to get rowdy. I think your build up to action suffered a bit because you wrote the entire story in narrative. (OK, 99% in narrative - you did have one short piece of dialogue at the end.

) A lot of this could have been "shown" through the use of dialogue. It seemed, as I read this, that you were running a movie in your head about what was going on and describing it to the reader. Dialogue allows us to witness what happens first hand. Of course, my biggest issue with this is that you left us hanging just as you were getting to the first climax. Not nice

Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, this was a clean write. No obvious grammar or spelling errors. I did notice a couple of minor things which I show, below:

P1: I've been around the block a couple times. Most of them [them who?] I don't think I was paying any attention. [Confusing structure – “them I don’t think I was…”] Not like last night. It started out normal enough.

P2: I was at the third street bar [proper name – should be capitalized]

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read - almost. I really want to know what happens! If you continue this, please, send me the link. I want to know where you end up with Amy.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Happy Birthday, WDC. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

485

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3894579

Review of Crude but True

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Makeshift

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Crude but True"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see you've only been here a short time. Welcome to WDC.

I hope you're enjoying your time here and hope that you've found growth in whatever directions that led you here. That you're still here tells me that you've discovered that we're a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
You're obviously well educated (or well read

which is the same difference); I love that you didn't "dumb this down" but went with the words that came naturally to you.

Creativity/Impact:
I really didn't get the connection between the title and the poem but the write itself was very good. You indicated that this was written at a younger age but, in truth, I suspect that your feelings haven't changed that much (unless you're old as dirt like me

). There's a lot going on in this and I'd guess most won't take the time to really understand what you've said.

Plot/Content:
You begin with your desire to take control of life. You approach this as a decision that you can make; something you can achieve in the length of a breath. Ahhh, were it so easy but I see this in light of the old Chinese proverb, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I didn't understand in V1L4 your "sans freedom" when, from what I read, freedom is exactly what you're looking for. Verses 2 and 3 I took as a lament of what is and how you don't value that. Verse 5 highlights the pointlessness of what is. In the words of the great philosopher Pogo "we have met the enemy and they is us."

The final verse celebrates existence and overcoming.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I found parts of this poetic but primarily, this read like prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language even when you include complex words. Just because you broke it into lines doesn't make most of this any the less coherent sentences and paragraphs.

I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I actually (in spite of how you may take my comments LOL) really enjoyed this. You have natural talent and I think you just need to find your voice and style. I encourage you to read, review others, and keep writing! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

486

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3894079

Review of slipping

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi shinypennythoughts

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "slipping"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see you're a new member here. (Really new - as of today!) Welcome to WDC.

I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We are a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a write from the heart. It may not have all the polish of experience but it has the depth of real emotion.

Creativity/Impact:
Comparing the end of life to the setting sun is a well explored theme. You've managed to find a freshness with this and I appreciate that.

Plot/Content:
This was a "cathartic" write, one that allows you to make peace with the loss of your grandfather; perhaps even start to come to terms with the short duration that is the inherent condition that we all live with. I found the pensive tone very appealing and your words well said. While this was a very personal write for you, posting it opens it to others to consider both the emotions you went through and to reflect on their own feelings. While you know exactly what you meant, we have only your words. I thought the opening phrase "ending promise of dawn’s elusive coming" was a bit confusing since you're comparing this to a sunset through out the poem.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I found a lot of this was excellent and pure poetry.

Your last line is prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. Just because you broke it into 3 lines doesn't make it any the less a coherent sentence.

I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this a very touching read. Your emotions comes through clearly and since poetry is about communication, I think you did well. I encourage you to read, review others, and above all - write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3893387

Review of Once Loved, Now Broken

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi kthop

My name is Ken. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Once Loved, Now Broken"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see you're a new member here. Welcome to WDC.

I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Well, it's not a poem (see below under technique) although some of your phrasing has a poetic feel. It is, however, sad and touching. The communication of your emotions is a critical part of writing and I think you did that well.

Creativity/Impact:
Certainly heartbreak has been the purview of writers since time immemorial. That this happened to you is a sad thing. Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.

Plot/Content:
You give us two constructs, a before and after view of how you viewed the world. In part 1, you show us the world through the eyes of someone in love and loved. In part 2, you look at the same things through eyes filled with regret. The use of the comparisons is actually an effective tool for communicating and I found it effective.

Technique/Technical Notes:
As I said, this is not poetry. This is prose. Prose is a form of language which applies ordinary grammatical structure and natural flow of speech rather than rhythmic structure as in traditional poetry. This was, for the most part, "natural language." Poems usually involve a meter and/or rhyme scheme. Prose, instead, comprises full, grammatical sentences, which then constitute paragraphs and overlook aesthetic appeal.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I actually found this to be an enjoyable read, not for the subject but for the honesty I felt in it. There is a sense of poetry in some of your lines as in "hat kiss, it was so ever long ago, left leaving my lips chapped and cracked." I encourage you to read, review others, and above all, continue to write. You will find your voice and style if you are persistent. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3893276

Review of Dressed in Silk

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Fran 🌈🧜‍♀️

It's just me, Ken, a fellow traveler on the "Invalid Item"

road.

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dressed in Silk"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Hey, this doesn't rhyme!

Sorry, couldn't pass that one up - yes, I read your disclaimer. Beyond that, this was a dark tale indeed.

Creativity/Impact:
Believe it or not, I just saw a parallel scenario on "Perceptions" last night. Even Hollywood, it seems, likes your idea. I did.

Plot/Content:
A "black widow" lying in wait for her prey is surprised when she ends up the victim. I think you set this up nicely and, rhyme or no, I saw the poetry in this - at least I saw the poetic justice. The one verse about the phone didn't seem to fit because I couldn't see where it played any part in the tale. Did her lover call? Was it just a nuisance call? Other than that, I think you told the story well.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Since you weren't really trying for a form, there's not much I can comment on. Your grammar, spelling, and non-included punctuation had no errors. Consider, the next time you want to try this, using blank verse. Blank verse is any verse comprised of unrhymed lines all in the same meter, usually iambic pentameter. It was developed in Italy and became widely used during the Renaissance because it resembled classical, unrhymed poetry.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

While a bit dark, this was a classic story and made for an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3893244

Review of Broken

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Meshellmybell

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Broken"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see you're a new member here. Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I read this as a sad commentary on how you see your life. There's a sense of hopelessness with tones of giving up. I certainly hope this just reflects a period of time in your life that's long past. I think that writing is a great catharsis and allows you to unload a lot of bad feelings and move on. I hope that you will.

Creativity/Impact:
I can't say this is a new theme - I think we've all been there and many have written about it. Still, these are your feelings, freely shared, and the uniqueness that is you makes this stand out.

Plot/Content:
I felt a bit of disconnect between the opening verse and the rest of the poem. You begin with "there's more to me" but the rest of the poem is really about how your emotions have been shaped by neglect, abuse, and your own feelings about how you've been unable to find a way out. It's minor and probably most won't pick up on it but it would help (for those that don't know you) to understand how you think others see you. Remember, we only have your words to go by.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in rhyming couplets and that makes the flow smooth when reading. You used several "near rhymes" such as eye/hide and blind/design. Especially in couplets, I'd recommend you stick to perfect rhymes since the rhyme is so obvious.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Well, I can't say this was an enjoyable read but it was very open and interesting. Your pain at where you (are or have been) comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your life, your imagination and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3892960

Review of Amy's Heart Broken Prayer

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Patricia,

It's just me, Ken. I thought I'd drop by as a "Thank You" for your generosity in supporting COUNTRYMOM

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Amy's Heart Broken Prayer"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A gentle story that is more a statement of your own faith.

Creativity/Impact:
You wrote this as a morality play, which is a type of allegory in which the protagonist is met by personifications of various moral attributes. Amy's statements about the "devil attacking Grandma's heart" is an example of this.

Plot/Content:
This is a story about the relationship between Grandma Rose, her grandchild Amy, and God (with a little Ecclesiastes thrown in

). You keep us in the moment with lots of dialogue so it's showing more than telling which is good. One note of caution - watch your tenses. Several times you switched from past to present and back which throws the reading off just a bit. Grandma has a heart attack and, during the course of her recovery, provides the basis of her beliefs to Amy as well as confirming it within herself. For me, the characters were believable although there was scant descriptions. We mostly got to know them through their character. A little more on the setting would have helped expand the story.

Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, this was a good write. I would recommend that you add an extra space between paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read. There were a few specific items I found:

General. You used a lot of internal dialogue. Instead of quotes followed by "Grandma thought", simply italicize which shows internal dialogue or thoughts.

P1: Grandma Rose was lying in her bed, feeling every beat of her heart, [period - run on sentence. Make into two] although they were weak and slow she could still feel them. Thank you, Jesus. [It the Thank you is verbal, put in quotes. If not, italicize which shows internal dialogue or thoughts.]

P3: “Honey child, don't you worry about me. I am just fine. God is still in my heart. I expect to stay here for a long time yet. It breaks my heart hearing you cry and yet, my heart is bursting with pride hearing your beautiful prayer. I love you Amy,[period - change of subject] you are just like your mommy; compassionate and loving.” [new paragraph - what follows is Amy's answer]

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read. Your faith comes through clearly in this story and there is a moral here that everyone will relate to. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3892796

Review of I Made a Mistake...Or am I a hustler?

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Alexi

It's just me, Ken. I thought I'd drop by as a "Thank You" for your generosity in supporting COUNTRYMOM

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I Made a Mistake...Or am I a hustler?"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A great story and one I'm sure your partner cringes at just a bit whenever you share it with him

You ladies are a sneaky lot - but we love you all just the same. Errr -

- that didn't come out right, did it.

Creativity/Impact:
Non-fiction is always creative. Life is humor and your sharing this "accident" with us shows that serendipity is both rewarding and funny.

Plot/Content:
You tell of a time when you went shopping and "accidentally" (sorry, this computer won't let me type that word without quotation marks LOL) used the wrong credit card. I'm glad that when you friend discovered it, he didn't say "Hey, that wasn't me - it's the wrong size!"

Of course, you sweet talked and bartered your way out of the debt - it was after all pure mischance. Now about the shoes ...

Technique/Technical Notes:
Other than the unrhymed line in verse 5 (and it actually added to comedic effect much like a Clerihew uses its meter for comedy's sake) I didn't see any errors or come up with any suggestions that would enhance this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I am big fan of "humor" poetry and I wasn't disappointed in the least. Your comedic sensibilities shine in this clearly and I found myself smiling as I answered your question. Thank you, hustler, for sharing your life, your imagination and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3892764

Review of Idle Hands

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Andy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Idle Hands"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see that you're a "newbie" on this site.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
... and then you are the devil's child?

This is an attempt at an honest write and I see why you enjoyed it.

Creativity/Impact:
I see flashes of inspiration in this but it's based on a common saying that generally goes "Idle hands are the devil's playground." Because it is so overused, it keeps this from feeling fresh. By the way, it's not really a quote. The closest I could find was Kurt Vonnegut's use of it in a 1952 play.

Plot/Content:
This is a self-discovery poem that questions our place in life. You answer that we are what we do. I'm not sure that's where you were really going when you started this journey

As I said, I saw flashes of inspiration. I really enjoyed the opening nine lines. After that I thought you were trying too hard. A pen does not a poet make nor a brush an artist all though I understand what you were going for. The last part just didn't seem to follow from anything you you had written before.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language which is what much of this read like. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting read. I think this was a good attempt - but it didn't really share YOU, only the part nearest the surface. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3892442

Review of The Hope is a Lie

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Sunshine Queen

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Hope is a Lie"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see that you're a "newbie" on this site.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
My first thought was "How did you ever pick your user name? There's no sunshine here."

OK, on to more serious stuff; I'm guessing you're young (although everyone is young compared to me) and that you're feeling frustrated with the world and its demands.

Creativity/Impact:
I can't say that your words or feelings are particularly unique. Perhaps it is because they're not that makes this stand out. So many hold their feelings in or, worse, express them in a way that's destructive. You've chosen to share them and that's what makes this unique.

Plot/Content:
This is primarily a frustration poem. Your feelings of being pressured to do and be something have run up against your need to escape through music and sleep. My own daughter went through this so I'm at least passing aware of what you're feeling. I'd like to tell you it gets better but I don't know you or your situation so I can't. I can tell you that the answer isn't outside - it's inside. Hope isn't a lie unless you're telling that to yourself.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language which is what much of your verses are. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This was, for me, an enlightening read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and most importantly, continue to write! The comforting words you seek will find their way onto a page. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3892350

Review of at the end of the garden

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi albertfuller

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "at the end of the garden"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I note that you're a "newbie" here.

although not one to poetry. Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever ways led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Obviously, you seem to be a polished writer. This was beautiful journey of time and place and personal reflection.

Creativity/Impact:
OK, I'm not a big fan of free verse (or vers libre for those with affectations LOL) because most writers don't understand it. It's not chopped up prose. Each line has a meaning and a purpose. You, sir, have brought that to this journey and it's appreciated.

Plot/Content:
Above all, this is a journey of a soul and you take us through the twists and turns as you grow in understanding and appreciation for the world around you. It was allegorical in that the imagery held hidden meanings that each reader will have to discover for himself. Certainly some of more stark metaphors will be clear but there's a subtlety about this that I found intriguing.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to comment on. I did enjoy "the envoy," which I'm sure many won't have heard of. I first found it when writing Sestinas and have always loved the idea.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A thoroughly enjoyable journey. Why not 5? I thought some of your imagery, while clear to you and your vision, didn't quite make the transition in your words. This isn't a criticism. Poets write first for themselves and you remained true to you feelings but for the reader, it is at best, an indirect journey. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3892272

Review of Different Worlds

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Ellie Maynard Bryerton

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Different Worlds"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Part fantasy, part wistfulness. This read like a young woman's daydream.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought that this read well and the subject was interesting. I'm certain there will be many who can relate to the "angst" that you've woven into your poem.

Plot/Content:
I couldn't have said it better myself: "A poem about a famous boy and a struggling girl falling for each other and "Never say never."

I was hoping that you might have given us more understanding of what the struggle was. I'm reading that it's primarily self doubt and feelings of worthlessness that's making her blind to the possibilities.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Again, I'm not sure what you were going for. It seemed that you began this as a rhymed poem but then you changed it up to free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting and enjoyable read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3892198

Review of Disease of Doubt

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Silent Writer

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Disease of Doubt"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
When I started reading this, I wasn't sure who's side you were on. I agree, doubt is a disease but like any disease, it's opportunistic and only goes where invited.

Creativity/Impact:
I recognize the creativity in this as you explore some of the aspects of doubt. I feel, however, that there was more to be said - perhaps more YOU wanted to say - and it just didn't seem to me that you were able to get it all out. That's just my own feelings - probably not yours

Plot/Content:
This is your exploration of doubt - how it gains access and how it affects people. I felt in your observations on the child that you may have overstated feelings of doubt. Hopelessness is certainly there but in the young, doubt is more a matter of not being able to accomplish something they know should be able to achieve rather than realizing they'll never have the opportunity to achieve. Just something to think about.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this to be a thought provoking read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest and encouraging feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3892180

Review of A Poem for a Poet

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi kian swaggie

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Poem for a Poet"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Actually I was impressed by not only the named forms but the various techniques you employed. I thought it was a fun read.

Creativity/Impact:
Let's see - you used alliteration, anaphora, but avoided rhyme. I would have thought at least one rhyme wouldn't have killed you

Plot/Content:
As you say, "I was trying to write a poem, and this came out." This was a nice rundown on some of the more familiar forms and (as I've already noted) employed several poetic devices. I did like your honesty - knowledge is helpful; prosperity is non-negotiable. We're never going to get rich writing, that's for sure!

Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I thought this came across as pure poetry.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An very enjoyable read. Your knowledge of poetry comes through clearly and I found myself smiling. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3891916

Review of Dreams

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Smiles

My name is Ken and I saw your entry in the Senior Center Forum contest. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dreams"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Alliterative Acrostic

Creativity/Impact:
I thought your approach was very creative. The use of both color and style really highlights the key word and, even for those unfamiliar with this style of poetry, clarifies what an acrostic is.

Plot/Content:
I thought your acrostic of "DREAMS" was cleverly conceived. Each line can be viewed as a euphemism for the base word. Making each line alliterative also enhanced the poetic feel of the piece.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I think you did all you could with this. The Acrostic "form" as such doesn't have many rules other than using the letters of the base word at the beginning of each line. I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). This was a clever write and more than that, you can't ask.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An entertaining and enjoyable read. Your creativity comes through clearly and the added artistic elements only enhance the message. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3891711

Review of Save Fuel Ride A Mule

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Lesley Scott

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Save Fuel Ride A Mule"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
This was a wonderful story, full of information and vignettes about mules and donkeys. You were right - "many people appreciated mules or just knew nothing," and I was one of them

Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was very creative. That it was based in fact made it all the more interesting.

Plot/Content:
I read this as (almost) an essay on an unseen and unappreciated branch of domestic husbandry. There is so much information here. You highlight the traits and advantages with true stories and a tall tale that really raises the appreciation that most readers will have. Excellent presentation and work.

Technique/Technical Notes:
It's not the "tale", it's the telling that gave me concern with this. You obviously know your subject and are passionate about it. That said, there were so many distractions that it kept me from enjoying this wonderful write. Here's a sampling of the first three paragraphs:

The very first donkey and mule show on the Eastern Seaboard, held in 1982 in Summerville, South Carolina, and [and doesn't belong. It's not connecting two separate thoughts. Drop it and the sentence will read fine] attracted quite a crowd of spectators and contestants. I happened to be the founder and President of the South Carolina Donkey and Mule Society for almost ten years. [When? before, during, or after the event? What does this have to do with the first contest?]

We had our work cut out for us, since not many people appreciated mules or just knew nothing. [Knew nothing about mules, perhaps, but they all know something

] The goal was mainly just to educate people about the outright fallacies [outright is redundant since a fallacy is a deceptive, misleading, or false notion, or belief] of these thoroughly misunderstood long eared equines. Simply word of mouth helped at the horse shows and lectures to advertise. [I'm assuming that this means you adopted the same strategy? This sentence doesn't seem related to anything you discussed before or after.] We were all up for a challenge, and the show turned out to be a suprise [misspelled surprise] to everyone.

Mary Jane, a beauitiful [misspelled beautiful] young lady with blond hair to her waist, was the secretary of our local group The South Carolina Donkey and Mule Society}, he[Typo: No "}" needed. He who? Did you mean "she"? The way this is worded it sounds like she was entered in horse shows, not a horse.] was a big winner at the horse shows, and she was the one who suggested that we have our own show. It was called, "The Po' Folks' Playday." The classed [classes?] were even open to horses. None showed up. Most of the horse owners must believe donkeys and mules were carriers of deadly diseases.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I would have rated this much higher if it weren't for the numerous errors. A good proof reading will make this much easier for the average reader to access all the information you've provided. Personally, I found this a thoroughly interesting, informative, and enjoyable read. Your enthusiasm comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#3890835

Review of Quilting the Poems

for entry "Perceptions"

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Poet's Place

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi LostGhost: Seeking & Learning

It's just me,Ken.

I saw that you were participating in the "Invalid Item"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Perceptions"

on behalf of "The Poet's Place "

First Impression/Thoughts:
My first thought was "cinquain" but, of course, it's not

Still, it has that feeling of an Asian form due to its brevity and imagery.

Creativity/Impact:
Personally, I found it insightful and loved the word picture it paints.

Plot/Content:
This is a direct interpretation of the prompt. As the electricity flows sears the night sky, the appearance is like cracks in the universe which heal in the blackness following. I thought you did a wonderful job in capturing those images and finding words to share them with those who haven't seen the powerful beauty of the storm.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Obviously written in vers libre you managed to keep the poetic feel to this through imagery and through its poetic feel. Since there is no "right" to free verse, there's little for me to comment on. I did notice that you ended your poem using punctuation which is atypical for this style. Should you respond, I'd be curious as to why?

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enlightening (no pun intended) read. Your words clearly were chosen to invoke a powerful image and display the beauty you saw. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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