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3,125 Public Reviews Given
3,266 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
I'm good at...
Short Stories and better at Poetry
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Public Reviews
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601
601
Review of Poets Verse  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop Author IconMail Icon -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "Poets Verse" Open in new Window. [E], on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. .

I liked the flow of this - your couplets are well matched and they tell the story of poetry *Smile* I think that the variations in meter (between 9 and 12 syllables) break up the smoothness of this just a bit. Where you use internal rhyme, such as "Rhyming with timing and verse set to meter .." the poem is a pure joy to read.

Excellent poem and a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken
602
602
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi wworsham Author IconMail Icon -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "Prayer to the morning" Open in new Window. [E], on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. .

Very nice rhythm. Your ode to the dawn is well written with just a touch of classic feel in lines such as "When the dawn hath broke the day ..."

Two observations - first, use punctuation *Smile* It really helps with the flow. Poetry gives us images, punctuation directions for appreciating those images. I also noticed that you used strong perfect rhymes - except in the last line which broke the flow for me.

Very enjoyable. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken

PS I'm returning your GPs - they're not needed for me to appreciate your talent *Smile*
603
603
Review of Things  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi {user:okyep) -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, {1755386}, on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. .

I liked the flow of this - its staccato beat keeps a lively rhythm while reading. The rhyme is a bit uneven, switching throughout which breaks the smoothness of the read but I really enjoyed the subject. "Things" is right up there with "they" when it comes to what seems to drive life *Laugh*.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken
604
604
Review of Pity Party  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fyn Author Icon

Well, if I can count right, this will be the last of the reviews that PDG owes you. Not to fear, I will be returning *Laugh* although that may be a fear of another type! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Pity Party" Open in new Window. [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board" Open in new Window. [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I noted this was written in 2009 but it feels as fresh as today's headlines. There is such a sense of frustration and helplessness but you’re still here *Smile* so I’m guessing that the title was most appropriate. LOL

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
I think you’re channeling millions of others with this write; a voice that speaks for the many suffering in silence and says “you’re not alone – we’re all in this.”

*Music1* Content:
I like your approach with verse 1 setting up the tempestuous nature of your emotions, verse 2 defining the reality of your situation and the "catch 22" of life in the labor market (and it's frustrations), verse 3 returning to the reality of emotions, and the concluding verse finding unwilling acceptance. This was an excellent way to approach this. I can only hope that life has improved over the intervening years.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
Only a few minor suggestions. Written in vers libre, there is no formal structure other than organizational aspects that support the poetry aspects of this. You chose to use standard punctuation (*Smile* good for you!} which I think helps with clarity. Because of this, the following suggestions are offered:
Verse 2: Each"thought" is a parenthetical element so commas are used but you need a conjunction to close the sentence - "I am over qualified, can't work for less just to have a job, and it sets a bad example they say." I realize that this is a rule of prose and that poetry has more flexibility but since you chose to write it like this, it would seem in keeping with your chosen style.
Verse 3/Line 4: "in panic and worry. Tears fall" The line transition from one thought to another occurs in the middle of the sentence. It might be cleaner to move the "tears" to the beginning of the next line.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* As I read this, I imagined you opening an emotional vein and draining the despair you were feeling out onto a page. *Smile* Some writes are cathartic and some purely expressions of emotion. I hope that you found some release in writing this. Thank you for sharing this intimate portrait of your emotional life with me today as well as your enormous talent.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
605
605
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn Author Icon

I'm back again - thank you for the invitation *Smile*. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "When the Mountain Sings" Open in new Window. [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board" Open in new Window. [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Arrrggggh! You're going to drive my little rhyming soul crazy! *Laugh* This sang to me of the mountain songs you write of and frustates me that your talent seems untamed at times LOL.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Not being familiar with the movie, I had to go look at it ... and then came back and watched it play out through your words. What a terrific theme! I really loved it. 5*Star* for creativity and interpretation.

*Music1* Content:
This is about a people and their history that has been carried by generations through thier music. As you so poetically say "They sing of the simple joys of life, of good times and sad times and endless strife." Your focus was on the music as the central theme here but you've painted a caring picture of a unique part of our collective heritage. Oral histories have always been at the heart of human culture - it's what makes us unique for it provides inspiration and warning. You've captured that in your poem. The repetitive refrain only enhances the feeling of telling and retelling - of an unbroken thread through time.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
Certainly there were no grammatical or spelling faux pas to be found. You always write with as much craftsmanship as imagination. I read this as free-verse even though it's apparent that you have parts in rhyme. The uneven meter and part rhyme just tend to confuse, I think, and pull the reader away from the strength and beauty found in the lines. I think, with little effort, you could turn this into lyrics - what a wonderful song it would make. I could hear the music as I read. *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Okay - here I go again *Laugh* I didn't find this poem perfect. The mixed meter and rhyme pulled at me throughout my first read. Still, the content and raw beauty of this was more that enough to overcome my own prejudices *Smile* I can't think of a lower rating to give you that would be deserving of this wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing this with me. I have found inspiration in your words.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
606
606
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Davy ...

Well, I'm sorry - I don't see this as "perfect" ... but it's definitely an "A" *Laugh* I totally agree - and I'm glad you've made the case for common sense in the rating system. I'm going to save your link and "share" it the next time I hear "nothing is perfect." Ususally, I just say "you haven't met me yet." *Laugh* Okay - not really but the thought has crossed my mind*Pthb*

*Thumbsup* Ken

... and no, I'm not keeping your auto-reward GPs. What I received from reading was more than reward enough. *Smile*
607
607
Review of Paragliding  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn Author Icon

I'm back again *Laugh* and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Paragliding" Open in new Window. [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board" Open in new Window. [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm with you *Smile* As I read, I was swept away (no pun intended) with your imagery and could envision the "thundering silence."

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Well chosen words paint wonderfully emotional images that touch the reader and bring him/her into the moment. What more can you ask from a poem ... from a poet? *Thumbsup*

*Music1* Content:
You've taken this beyond the simple act of a crazy person launching themselves off a cliff (can you tell I don't like heights *Laugh*) and extracted the essence of the feelings that you experienced. Great imagery filled about your own feelings (King of the sky, yet impossibly minute in the grand scheme of things) brings the reader into your moments aloft. That feeling of accomplishment, yet humbleness, is a central theme and well expressed.

*Music2* Technique/Technical Notes:
I, for one, am a rhymer at heart so I appreciated the subtle rhyme in lines 3 of each verse which I felt helped keep this flowing smoothly throughout the read. Obviously, you crafted this meticulously and there were no errors to point out.

I think a few of your references were very meaningful to you - but perhaps a bit oblique to the average reader. In the final verse you wrote "throughout this personal why" which I took to mean quest or seeking. Leaving open lines like this does invite the reader to add thier own interpretation which may have been your purpose but then it also may change what your were trying to say. Just a thought. I found the same ambiguity in the final line: "moving towards the inevitable" For me, that would have been a crash *Laugh*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Ambiguity aside - that's a matter of style - I did enjoy reading this without the typical "conquering fear" verse *Smile*. Your feelings of finding peace were reminiscent of the poem "Hight Flight" which concludes "(I) Put out my hand and touched the face of God." Well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
608
608
Review of Stone Fences  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn Author Icon

It's just me, Ken, again. See what you get for encouraging me? *Laugh* It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Stone Fences" Open in new Window. [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board" Open in new Window. [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow! What a wonderful subject and wonderful poem. I'm a sucker when it comes to oral history which was the roots of poetry and this is a modern day version with long lineage to call upon. Excellent!

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Can you tell I'm enthusiastic over this one? *Laugh* I love the imagery, the meaning, the familial ties ... it's creative and full of meaning! Bravo.

*Music1* Content:
You write of memories of your grandfather and the wonderful attitude he had toward life. Everything - including rocks in the fields - were to be seen as blessings and made use of. This is a touching and beautiful poem - and your passing it on to generations yet to be is part of that binding that keeps families together.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
At first, I thought you were going to present this as free-verse due to the variable length of lines and the 5 line verse. After the initial verse, I saw that you were, in fact, going with a rhyming poem. It's the first line that threw me off and, in truth, I'm not sure how to offer a suggestion for how to add this into this wonderful poem as a rhyme. There nothing that says you can't mix free and rhyme - in fact, the Dorsimbra does just that. I might recommend - for aesthics and flow only - that you split the first line and make the verse 6 lines long.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I've been told that 5 stars are for "perfect" poems. I guess perfect is in the eye of the beholder *Laugh* because I can find no fault with this. No, it reads a bit rough at first but the beauty of the images and the warmth of memories counts more than an artificial format. Well done! Thank you for sharing your talent and this bit of your history with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
609
609
Review of Barfly  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi LeBuert Author Icon

My name is Ken and, at your invitation *Smile*, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Barfly" Open in new Window. [E] on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I read your biography before diving into your port. It seems we share experiences (I was an Army helicopter Pilot and did two tours in 'Nam) so it's with some authority that I say - been there, done that, got the T-shirt *Laugh*

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
This is part warning, part confession. Anytime you write with honesty, it is creative and powerful. I found this was both.

*Music1* Content:
You write of the wasted days (and nights) spent in a bar, hustling pool. Your approach is direct as in the opening line "The lure of the drink is hard to pass by." This isn't a pretty write with lofty metaphors - it's direct and to the point which gives is a rawness that I found refreshing. You lament the years wasted when you could have chosen "I could have done something else for free / Built a home, or married a wife. / Not just drank, and wasted my life." I won't comment on the word "free" *Laugh* All in all, very poignant, very honest feeling, very well done.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
OK - here's where I can offer you some suggestions - the first being, drop the graphics (LOL). Yes, it's cute to add an eightball or dollar sign - but it's your words you need to rely on in poetry. You don't need gimmicks. I'm reminded of Robert Frost's admonition - "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." Why do you write poetry? Answer that and work to that end - you'll find your true voice.

You wrote this as a rhyming (traditional) poem so let's look at the critical elements of structure: Rhythm and Rhyme.

Rhythm is affected by word combinations and syllables per line. Your line lengths vary from 7 to 14 syllables which gives your poem an uneven feel. The more consistent you can make each line, the easier it is for the reader to pick up the cadence. With out the worry of trying to find the meter, the reader can actually focus on your meanings, get inside the poem, and channel the emotions. That's the beauty of poetry. One way to develop an appreciation for this is to write (not every time *Laugh*) using a form such as an English sonnet. The use of forms really helped me become aware of rhythm and its elements. There are a couple of contests on the site such as "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. or "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. that you could try that would help.

Rhyme: You used "perfect" rhymes in this which is outstanding. It really helps support the rhythm and makes the flow easier to follow. Well done! *Thumbsup*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I really enjoyed this - although recognizing myself a bit isn't always the most pleasant of feelngs *Laugh*. Nonetheless, that's what good poetry will do. I've always believed that no poem is complete until read - each reader will add their own feelings to the words and the poem will be slightly different because of that for each person. Thank you for sharing your your talent and your honesty with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
610
610
Review of Aristotle Sleeps  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Second Thoughts *Smile*

First rate - major changes in words but not, my friend, in power or truth. 5 *Star* now!

Ken
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611
Review of Bad Guess  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
There's no second guessing who wrote this *Laugh* It has all the earmarks of a "Hyperiongate Tale of the Alien and Strange." I enjoyed this taut tale. They (whoever they are) say that if God wasn't real, man would have invented him. Evidently, man also has the power to turn him away.

Who knew the devil had a sense of humor? Only you, my friend.

Well done and as enjoyable as ever.

Ken
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612
Review of Aristotle Sleeps  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fyn Author Icon

It's just me, Ken *Smile*, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Aristotle Sleeps" Open in new Window. [E] on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" Open in new Window. [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I vote "Not" *Laugh* This is a wonderful discourse on the daily dilemma we face in second guessing the motives of our nation and those of others. Thought provoking (as good poetry should be) and enlightening (as good poetry is).

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
You don't pick an easy subject to write on but there's definitely a feeling that this was written as much out of your own struggles with our world as to provide enlightenment to others. Very powerful in tone and substance. *Thumbsup*

*Music1* Content:
I think you did a terrific job in presenting the question. What motivates us - as people, as a nation, as a world? The first few lines had to be reread a few time because it wasn't clear (to me) at first that you were giving us two motives - nobler purpose or mob-think. Once I got it, the rest flowed without a hitch. I appreciate that you left the "answer" open-ended. The truth of the matter is that "Perspective adds dimension, if not wisdom" which seems to support Napolean's claim that "History is a set of lies agreed upon.” *Laugh*

I need to add a comment about your imagery. Excellent! In particular, "water-colored washes of scarlet ... the color of blood, or tyranny, or freedom." Very powerful and touching.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
Written in vers libre, there is still a sense of flow and rhythm to this which is the key to any successful free-verse. I saw no errors upon which to comment. If I may offer and observations, however, to "add dimension." *Smile* You have two opposing thoughts in your opening premise: "mind set" and "mob-think" You present these (after discourse on "mind-set") as the obvious summaries ... and throw in "perhaps." Given the strong opening, I thought this was a bit of a cop out. This is your opinion based on your observations. It should stand on its own without equivocation. The second thing of note - "nightmare-ic" {e:smile "Nightmarish" is a perfectly good word that I think means the same. Ogden Nash shouldn't be part of a write like this {e:laugh}.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* You are obviously an accomplished writer and this was a tour de force of your talents - thoughtful, provocative, and challenging to the status quo. Your passion comes through loud and clear. Thank you for sharing this with me - and the community at large. Well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
613
613
Review of An Old Haunt  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angela ...

Nicely told tale. One suggestion - no indented paragraphs. In business English, the indent is used to indicate a change of subject, time, or location. In story telling, this same effect is achieved by adding an extra space between paragraphs. Because some lines are short - especially when creating conversations, it makes lines look like they're "floating" on the page. I'd recommend not using indentations since it's duplicative of the spacing used.

I think you did well with this and it was an enjoyable read. Keep it going *Smile*

Ken
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614
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Hayley I. (aka Kilpik) Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Marvin and the Cloud" Open in new Window. [E] as a fellow member of the class and on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Too cute *Laugh* This was a really fun, imaginative read.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
A talking cloud - now how much more creative can you get? *Smile* I really enjoyed this and found that it was an easy read. I think from an impact POV that you telegraphed the end a bit but for a younger audience, I think this was perfect.

*Music1* Content:
This is a tale with a moral - happiness cannot be forced, it must be found within. Your set up of the tale was very good with your opening scene of the happy people smiling under "the big cheery orb" ... except Marvin. The introduction of the (initially assumed robotic) Warning sets the stage for the darker side of Happyville. There's an Orwellian feel to the story as you take us deeper into this world you've created with neighbor reporting on neighbor and ultimately the introduction of the Cloud. One small weakness to the story is it was never clear what power the Exterminators would have over a cloud being but there is some implied intervention that's possible. Overall, I found the story complete, creative, and interesting.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I did see a few places where you could clean up the telling a bit. I'm assuming - from you biography and some of the idioms used - that English is not your native tongue. Here are a few suggestions that will make the story flow a bit better starting with your use of indented paragraphs. In business English, the indent is used to indicate a change of subject, time, or location. In story telling, this same effect is achieved by adding an extra space between paragraphs. Because some lines are short - especially when creating conversations, it makes lines look like they're "floating" on the page. I'd recommend not using indentations since it's duplicative of the spacing used.

In the opening line you wrote "Everybody on the sidewalk looked happy except for Marvin." For is a preposition and doesn't add anything to the telling. I'd recommend removing it.

In paragraph 2: "Every step felt like a struggle." Felt like or was? Making the action direct will increase the reader's involvement in your story.

In paragraph 5: "...Warning said, after he had thrusted ..." This is very awkward sounding. I'd recommend a more descriptive word like pushed or shoved.

In paragraph 8: "...there was judgementalness ..." Unfortunately, there is no such word *Smile* I think judgement or accusation would satisfy the emotions you're going for.

In paragraph 9: "... he would near a ..." I think this is a simple typo of the word "need".

In paragraph 16: "... “You can be here! Shoo!”" I believe you meant "can't".

In paragraph 29: "“But can I come with you? Because I might be in a fair amount of trouble in a few minutes.” The second statement isn't a complete sentence. Just combine the two into a single statement such as "But, can I come with you because I might be in a fair amount of trouble in a few minutes?"

In paragraph 36: "... you like!” the cloud bursted, " Now, I'm a lover of puns (cloud burst LOL) so if you want to go that way, try "the cloud burst out. bursted is past tense and you're telling the story in present tense *Smile*

In paragraph 39: "Marvin felt the warm breeze in his air and watched as the landscaped zoomed past beneath his eyes." In the first part, Marvin doesn't have any air unless *Laugh*, well, I won't go there. Suffice it to say "in the air" works better. For the second part, just drop the "d" which will turn the word from a verb to the noun (landscape) you want.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A totally enjoyable tale which, I thought, was aimed at a relatively younger audience but nonetheless has a good lesson for us all. A little editing and this will shine as bright as your "big cheery orb." *Smile* Thank you for sharing your talent and rich imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
615
615
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Julie ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First impressions: What a gorgeous poem. You've captured the beauty of the mountains and shown the wonder of nature in your words. As you say, "gaze with the utmost awe" and that spirit is found in your words.

Now as to poem itself -

I think as a rhyming poem, you really couldn't have done better. You've chosen strong perfect rhymes and matched them with a wonderful flow to create near perfection. I won't waste your time or mine with a detailed discussion of all you did right *Laugh* and there's nothing I see to offer you in the way of improvements.

I truely enjoyed this and appreciate what you've done. Thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
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Review of I Tried  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Amanda ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

I found your entry to be a love poem and more *Smile* It's a statement of devotion and committment which, it seems, is rare these days. There was no hesitation - just a statement of feelings that wove artistry and emotion together in a beautiful form. Some of the metaphors you used have been used perhaps a bit too often so I felt this lacked a uniqueness in expression.

Now as to the poem itself -

Rhythm: Due to the slight variations in length of lines (from 6 to 9 syllables), the longer lines broke the rhythm that would carry me through your poem. This is less important in free verse but really affects rhymed poetry, especially when your "base" lines are 6 syllables. With longer bases, a syllable or two goes by unnoticed.

Rhyme: You set the rhyme scheme in the first verse with an alternating abcb rhyme. You used perfect rhymes through out and this really supported the readability of this.

I think you have a talent for weaving emotion into your poetry which really comes across well. I will read some of your others works because I like your style and I'd like to see how you fare when the subject isn't (perhaps) as close to your heart.

I thought this was an excellent entry and thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken

PS Yes, I'm returning your GPs - it wouldn't seem fair to accept them *Smile*
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Review of Winter Night  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Arakun ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First - What a sweet, gentle poem - almost a lullaby in its tone and flow. It calls to mind the kinds of things that I remember reading to my kids when they were young. Thank you ... for a wonderful poem and a warm memory *Smile*

Now as to poem itself -

Great rhyme, smooth meter and rhythm ... I can't fault any aspect of this You have created a wonderful example of your talent with this.

This was an excellent entry. Thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi MC ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First - BRAVO! I'm a fan of structured (form) poetry and my few attempts at a Ghazal have been less than memorable *Laugh*. This is obviously a form you have mastered. Wonderfully done.

Now as to poem itself -

From my understanding (and by your words) I have to question the rhyme "calls/tolls" used in the first couplet. While it is considered a syllabic rhyme, it is not the perfect rhymes that you use through out the rest of the poem. It may, in fact, be OK - if so, please pardon my ignorance, but if so, I'm not sure I would have italicized it like you did with the perfect rhymes. In couplet 7, you use the word "mauls" which I understand implies to handle or use roughly. I found this, in the context of usage in English, rather awkward - not incorrect, mind you - just one of those words that you stop at and therefore breaks up the flow.

I really like this form and think this was an excellent entry. Thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sean ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First - I love poems that tell a story and this is no exception. I really like the tale you've constructed and the "hook" line. Great work.

Now as to poem itself -

I noticed a few places where it seemed that there were inconsistencies - such as first line, stanza 2: "Been a long so long time ago..." As written it didn't make sense unless you meant "Been alone ..?" One trick I use is after I've written something, the next day I read it out loud to myself and am always amazed at how often I catch simple mistakes *Laugh*

Rhythm: Due to the varying length of lines, it was difficult for me to find a rhythm that would carry me through your story. This is less important in free verse but really affects rhymed poetry.

Rhyme: You set the rhyme scheme in the first verse with an alternating abcb rhyme. Once you've done this, you should keep true to it. No, it's not a requirement but again, it helps carry the reader through the poem. What you don't want is for them to stop every verse and try and figure out where you're going.

I think you have a talent for telling a tale which is key. The rest is work and more work *Laugh*. Check out the Talent Pond for thier form poetry contest. I've found that writing forms has really helped me focus on meter, rhythm, and introduced to me other rhyme types.

Good entry and thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
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Review of PARKING MY HEART  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Julie *Smile*

Well, except for the missing dog and reference to a pick-up truck, I think you've got the bases covered *Laugh*

Seriously, this was a great song and I could hear the music behind the words.

The last line of stanza one is quite awkward when you say it (or sing it). Because the line is actually two separate sentences, there's a tendency to stop and start. Since you used "love" in the preceding line, you may want to drop that reference and go with something like "too many times I've lost trying to win!" or a variation on that.

In the chorus, I thought "out" instead of "in" made a bit more sense and in the third line (to smooth out the flow) how does "your roaming eyes keep seeking; " strike you? Again, it's a matter of smoothing out the flow.

Other than that - pure southern honey *Laugh* One of us needs to learn how to write music! We could be rich and famous *Laugh*

Ken
621
621
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Legerdemain Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Dragon Skin Coat" Open in new Window. [18+] as a fellow writer and on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this fantasy story - it held my attention and kept me reading. You set the premise quickly and then gave us enough detail to join the action (so to speak *Smile*). This is the work of an accomplished writer.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
I thought the plot, itself, was very creatively concieved. My only disappointment was that between the title and story development, you gave away too much at the beginning lessening the impact of the Jonathon's triumph. What came to mind was the old adage, "A wolf in sheep's clothing." Perhaps the seeds of an alternative title? *Smile*

*Music1* Content:
From a content consideration, here are a few strengths and suggestions that I hope - should you revisit this - may help you see your story from a reader's perspective. Often I find that I have some small part of a story in my head that never seems to make it to the page until someone asks "now where did this come from?" *Blush* It's then I remember that they don't have full access to my mind *Laugh*

Set in a classic framework, you write of a dragon that's wrecking havoce on a village and how, in the end, is vanquished. You set the story up quickly and directly - "The animal had been tormenting his village for the last seven years, coming out every few seasons to burn and destroy the meager huts the villagers managed to erect." I thought this was effective since you followed it up with related details of what that meant. I did enjoy the encounters and end of the saviour Knights *Smile* - OK, I enjoyed the touch of gore which all good dragon tales include. You established the dragon's bona fides with "The carnage lay in the square for days, vultures picking at the entrails ..." *Laugh*

I did find a logical weakness in the tale with the finding of the dragon skin and "examination of the skin for a weakness. A place a sword could get through to kill it. No such opening was discovered." Since the dragon is a reptile (assumed) shedding it's skin is logical. Shedding it in one piece that would allow examination for a fatal weakness ... not so much *Smile*.

My last suggestion is for the ending itself. No happily ever after? *Laugh* OK, not needed - but I'm not sure that his ruminations felt sufficiently real given your earlier development of this character. It just didn't track true with me.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I found no grammatical or other technical errors. The story as well crafted, reflecting an excellent attention to the details of story telling. *Thumbsup*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Overall, an enjoyable read. I'm sure you've gotten many comments about wanting this longer and while I'm not that familiar with the Writer's Cramp, I'm sure there are limits you had to work within - so I'll let you off the hook on that point *Laugh*. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
622
622
Review of ECHO OF FOOTSTEPS  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Julie (aka COUNTRYMOM Author Icon)

It's just me, Ken *Smile* and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "ECHO OF FOOTSTEPS" Open in new Window. [ASR] as a fellow poet and on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a melancholy write! Sadness, loneliness, and a sense of resigned acceptance weave throughout this haunting work.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
It can't be just poets who feel this way but I guess they're the ones who have the skills to express it. I'm sure many will identify with some - if not all - of your emotions. The deserted feeling that I got from this was very visceral and certainly had an impact on my feelings. From that standpoint, well done - don't do it again *Smile*

*Music1* Content:
You write of your feelings in the middle of the night when sleep eludes and you are left with only your thoughts and memories. You’ve taken Stormy’s prompt words and woven then invisibly into your poem. You’ve managed some great imagery – “chains of the past” stands out for me because I think of them as such – and you’ve kept an easy cadence which keeps the flow moving nicely.

I did hesitate over one of your passages, however. Your reference to “oblivious to the smell of smoke” seemed to come out of nowhere. I’ll assume you either have a fireplace or you share “that most damnable” habit with me *Laugh* Still, it would help if you laid some groundwork for this so it doesn’t seem out of context.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
As always, I appreciate the care you show in your writing. Since you wrote this as free-verse, the general rules of punctuation and grammar are applied more liberally. *Laugh* That said, I did notice you have a period at the end of the first line which I’d bet you meant as a comma. Other than that, an excellently crafted poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* You do have a talent for showing – and sharing – your feelings and this is a wonderful (albeit sad) example of that. If your goal was to share your pain, then this was a very successful write. I don’t know anybody who could read this and not feel. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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623
Review of chalice  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Brandy -

Beautifully done. Great imagery and "brilliant chalice" provides a nice "aha" moment - a new perspective on what we're seeing. Now, don't quote me - but I think you're short a syllable in the final line. If so, consider "God's brilliant challice" or, if you're not or choose not to bring in religion, "Day's brilliant chalice"

I found this well done and rife with glowing imagery (OK - that's maybe a bit too "pun"-ish LOL)

Ken
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624
Review of Bike Riding  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Turtle ~ KanyÑthƐko:wa:h Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your short story "Bike Riding" Open in new Window. [ASR] on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Humor indeed! *Laugh* I probably shouldn't admit it but my bike - after its initial outing - is still sitting in my garage with the "nubbies" on the tires pointing accusingly at me every time I go out! This is a story I can relate to (of course, not the "fat" part - I'm only slightly rotund LOL).

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Well, I will admit that I'm no stranger to tales of execise gone bad *Smile*; that said, this was uniquely your story and that kept me reading. I don't mind standing on the sidelines and laughing at other's discomfort *Laugh*

*Music1* Content:
You write (in the first person) of your adventures in returning to the transportation of your youth with more that a little humor as you rediscover why gave up bikes for cars in the first place *Laugh* Your self deprecating humor is a strong point in this, allowing the reader to not only let out a laugh but also to wince slightly as they identify with your discoveries. I'm sure many can relate whether the challenge was biking, skiing, or white water rafting *Laugh*. The overall time-based flow was very well concieved and kept my interest up throughout.

I did notice a few inconsistencies that you may want to resolve from a story standpoint starting with your opening. "BE CAREFUL ON THE ROADS OUT THERE!!" As I read the story, I kept expecting to read of your death defying feats due to drivers, other riders, or dogs with a taste for human flesh. What I got was more "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!!" *Laugh* Setting the reader's expectations is important - as is delivering. The second part is more subtle. You begin the story as a first person narrative - I did this, then this happened, etc. - telling your story. Then you switched from what was to what is. "Ok, let's pull into this cemetary ..." It was a subtle time and perspectvie shift but it was enough to stop me and ask when I was LOL. Keep a consistent perspective and your story will flow a bit smoother.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I saw nothing grammatically or spelling-wise to comment on. You did a really good job.

Let's talk "indents" for a moment *Smile* Indentation of paragraphs is common practice and used to separate time, place, or change of subject in a write. In publishing, however, the additional line break (space) accomplishes the same thing. Some of your paragraphs are very short so they appear to "float" in space. I'd recommend left-aligning and using the extra space method since that's more common with story writing.

Punctuation is the bane of all writers. I noted a few places where a semicolon might have been more approprate than a comma just from a "breaking up a sentence" standpoint. Overall, there wasn't much I saw that I could suggest a better way to handle it. Punctuation is NOT my strong suit, however, and I'd bet an editor could retire on my writing alone *Laugh*. I mention it only to sensitize you to it. I find it's helpful to come back and reread after several days - you'll be amazed at what you'll find.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* This was a fun read and one that many will enjoy (with perhaps just a bit of discomfort as they see themselves LOL). I think you did well with the subject and story telling. A bit more practice (and like me, a few reviews to see some of the subtle touches that accomplished writers use) and I think you're going to find that many of the struggles we have starting out will soon disappear. Thank you for sharing your talent and humor with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
625
625
Review of I Like Spiders  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now that, Richard, is what I call poetry *Laugh* I love writing poems about the world we live in ... and ignore - not just syrupy love, (shudder) feigned broken hearts, or existential beings. Spiders, wolves, bats - not that's great stuff.

Wonderful rhyme and flow - you take us through the various spider phases and conclude with loving them at a distance *Laugh* I can see why this has gotten so many 5 *Star* reviews. Well, here's one more to add to your collection!

Excellent work.

Ken
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