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The Story

All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am

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A collection of magical books from my stories

Purple 💜 Rainbow 🌈

A memorial poem for Prince and contest entry.

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A song about picking yourself up and moving on

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I’ve learned that life is fragile.

Clouds on the Moon

To be lost in a love which seems to promise an escape from mere space and time...

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Luka races to save his newborn as mysterious dreams and a magical shrine guide him.

EVERDREAM: Garden of Thorns

she must defy fate’s thorns to bloom beyond destiny

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Purple 💜 Rainbow 🌈

A memorial poem for Prince and contest entry.

Skip Trace and a Dead Man

A skip tracer working for a bank receives a particularly challenging case.

August August

August is quite hot where I live, but it is important due to births & anniversaries.

This Broken Earth

Chapter 18: Not Just a Kiss

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🌖 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,174 Public Reviews Given

3,315 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

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526

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3893276

Review of Dressed in Silk

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Fran 🌈🧜‍♀️

It's just me, Ken, a fellow traveler on the "Invalid Item"

road.

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dressed in Silk"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Hey, this doesn't rhyme!

Sorry, couldn't pass that one up - yes, I read your disclaimer. Beyond that, this was a dark tale indeed.

Creativity/Impact:
Believe it or not, I just saw a parallel scenario on "Perceptions" last night. Even Hollywood, it seems, likes your idea. I did.

Plot/Content:
A "black widow" lying in wait for her prey is surprised when she ends up the victim. I think you set this up nicely and, rhyme or no, I saw the poetry in this - at least I saw the poetic justice. The one verse about the phone didn't seem to fit because I couldn't see where it played any part in the tale. Did her lover call? Was it just a nuisance call? Other than that, I think you told the story well.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Since you weren't really trying for a form, there's not much I can comment on. Your grammar, spelling, and non-included punctuation had no errors. Consider, the next time you want to try this, using blank verse. Blank verse is any verse comprised of unrhymed lines all in the same meter, usually iambic pentameter. It was developed in Italy and became widely used during the Renaissance because it resembled classical, unrhymed poetry.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

While a bit dark, this was a classic story and made for an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

527

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3893244

Review of Broken

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Meshellmybell

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Broken"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see you're a new member here. Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
I read this as a sad commentary on how you see your life. There's a sense of hopelessness with tones of giving up. I certainly hope this just reflects a period of time in your life that's long past. I think that writing is a great catharsis and allows you to unload a lot of bad feelings and move on. I hope that you will.

Creativity/Impact:
I can't say this is a new theme - I think we've all been there and many have written about it. Still, these are your feelings, freely shared, and the uniqueness that is you makes this stand out.

Plot/Content:
I felt a bit of disconnect between the opening verse and the rest of the poem. You begin with "there's more to me" but the rest of the poem is really about how your emotions have been shaped by neglect, abuse, and your own feelings about how you've been unable to find a way out. It's minor and probably most won't pick up on it but it would help (for those that don't know you) to understand how you think others see you. Remember, we only have your words to go by.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in rhyming couplets and that makes the flow smooth when reading. You used several "near rhymes" such as eye/hide and blind/design. Especially in couplets, I'd recommend you stick to perfect rhymes since the rhyme is so obvious.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Well, I can't say this was an enjoyable read but it was very open and interesting. Your pain at where you (are or have been) comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your life, your imagination and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

528

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892960

Review of Amy's Heart Broken Prayer

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Patricia,

It's just me, Ken. I thought I'd drop by as a "Thank You" for your generosity in supporting COUNTRYMOM

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Amy's Heart Broken Prayer"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A gentle story that is more a statement of your own faith.

Creativity/Impact:
You wrote this as a morality play, which is a type of allegory in which the protagonist is met by personifications of various moral attributes. Amy's statements about the "devil attacking Grandma's heart" is an example of this.

Plot/Content:
This is a story about the relationship between Grandma Rose, her grandchild Amy, and God (with a little Ecclesiastes thrown in

). You keep us in the moment with lots of dialogue so it's showing more than telling which is good. One note of caution - watch your tenses. Several times you switched from past to present and back which throws the reading off just a bit. Grandma has a heart attack and, during the course of her recovery, provides the basis of her beliefs to Amy as well as confirming it within herself. For me, the characters were believable although there was scant descriptions. We mostly got to know them through their character. A little more on the setting would have helped expand the story.

Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, this was a good write. I would recommend that you add an extra space between paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read. There were a few specific items I found:

General. You used a lot of internal dialogue. Instead of quotes followed by "Grandma thought", simply italicize which shows internal dialogue or thoughts.

P1: Grandma Rose was lying in her bed, feeling every beat of her heart, [period - run on sentence. Make into two] although they were weak and slow she could still feel them. Thank you, Jesus. [It the Thank you is verbal, put in quotes. If not, italicize which shows internal dialogue or thoughts.]

P3: “Honey child, don't you worry about me. I am just fine. God is still in my heart. I expect to stay here for a long time yet. It breaks my heart hearing you cry and yet, my heart is bursting with pride hearing your beautiful prayer. I love you Amy,[period - change of subject] you are just like your mommy; compassionate and loving.” [new paragraph - what follows is Amy's answer]

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read. Your faith comes through clearly in this story and there is a moral here that everyone will relate to. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

529

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892796

Review of I Made a Mistake...Or am I a hustler?

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Alexi

It's just me, Ken. I thought I'd drop by as a "Thank You" for your generosity in supporting COUNTRYMOM

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I Made a Mistake...Or am I a hustler?"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A great story and one I'm sure your partner cringes at just a bit whenever you share it with him

You ladies are a sneaky lot - but we love you all just the same. Errr -

- that didn't come out right, did it.

Creativity/Impact:
Non-fiction is always creative. Life is humor and your sharing this "accident" with us shows that serendipity is both rewarding and funny.

Plot/Content:
You tell of a time when you went shopping and "accidentally" (sorry, this computer won't let me type that word without quotation marks LOL) used the wrong credit card. I'm glad that when you friend discovered it, he didn't say "Hey, that wasn't me - it's the wrong size!"

Of course, you sweet talked and bartered your way out of the debt - it was after all pure mischance. Now about the shoes ...

Technique/Technical Notes:
Other than the unrhymed line in verse 5 (and it actually added to comedic effect much like a Clerihew uses its meter for comedy's sake) I didn't see any errors or come up with any suggestions that would enhance this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I am big fan of "humor" poetry and I wasn't disappointed in the least. Your comedic sensibilities shine in this clearly and I found myself smiling as I answered your question. Thank you, hustler, for sharing your life, your imagination and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

530

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892764

Review of Idle Hands

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Andy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Idle Hands"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see that you're a "newbie" on this site.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
... and then you are the devil's child?

This is an attempt at an honest write and I see why you enjoyed it.

Creativity/Impact:
I see flashes of inspiration in this but it's based on a common saying that generally goes "Idle hands are the devil's playground." Because it is so overused, it keeps this from feeling fresh. By the way, it's not really a quote. The closest I could find was Kurt Vonnegut's use of it in a 1952 play.

Plot/Content:
This is a self-discovery poem that questions our place in life. You answer that we are what we do. I'm not sure that's where you were really going when you started this journey

As I said, I saw flashes of inspiration. I really enjoyed the opening nine lines. After that I thought you were trying too hard. A pen does not a poet make nor a brush an artist all though I understand what you were going for. The last part just didn't seem to follow from anything you you had written before.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language which is what much of this read like. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting read. I think this was a good attempt - but it didn't really share YOU, only the part nearest the surface. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

531

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892442

Review of The Hope is a Lie

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Sunshine Queen

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Hope is a Lie"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I see that you're a "newbie" on this site.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
My first thought was "How did you ever pick your user name? There's no sunshine here."

OK, on to more serious stuff; I'm guessing you're young (although everyone is young compared to me) and that you're feeling frustrated with the world and its demands.

Creativity/Impact:
I can't say that your words or feelings are particularly unique. Perhaps it is because they're not that makes this stand out. So many hold their feelings in or, worse, express them in a way that's destructive. You've chosen to share them and that's what makes this unique.

Plot/Content:
This is primarily a frustration poem. Your feelings of being pressured to do and be something have run up against your need to escape through music and sleep. My own daughter went through this so I'm at least passing aware of what you're feeling. I'd like to tell you it gets better but I don't know you or your situation so I can't. I can tell you that the answer isn't outside - it's inside. Hope isn't a lie unless you're telling that to yourself.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language which is what much of your verses are. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This was, for me, an enlightening read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and most importantly, continue to write! The comforting words you seek will find their way onto a page. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

532

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892350

Review of at the end of the garden

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi albertfuller

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "at the end of the garden"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

. I note that you're a "newbie" here.

although not one to poetry. Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever ways led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Obviously, you seem to be a polished writer. This was beautiful journey of time and place and personal reflection.

Creativity/Impact:
OK, I'm not a big fan of free verse (or vers libre for those with affectations LOL) because most writers don't understand it. It's not chopped up prose. Each line has a meaning and a purpose. You, sir, have brought that to this journey and it's appreciated.

Plot/Content:
Above all, this is a journey of a soul and you take us through the twists and turns as you grow in understanding and appreciation for the world around you. It was allegorical in that the imagery held hidden meanings that each reader will have to discover for himself. Certainly some of more stark metaphors will be clear but there's a subtlety about this that I found intriguing.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to comment on. I did enjoy "the envoy," which I'm sure many won't have heard of. I first found it when writing Sestinas and have always loved the idea.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A thoroughly enjoyable journey. Why not 5? I thought some of your imagery, while clear to you and your vision, didn't quite make the transition in your words. This isn't a criticism. Poets write first for themselves and you remained true to you feelings but for the reader, it is at best, an indirect journey. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

533

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892272

Review of Different Worlds

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Ellie Maynard Bryerton

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Different Worlds"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Part fantasy, part wistfulness. This read like a young woman's daydream.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought that this read well and the subject was interesting. I'm certain there will be many who can relate to the "angst" that you've woven into your poem.

Plot/Content:
I couldn't have said it better myself: "A poem about a famous boy and a struggling girl falling for each other and "Never say never."

I was hoping that you might have given us more understanding of what the struggle was. I'm reading that it's primarily self doubt and feelings of worthlessness that's making her blind to the possibilities.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Again, I'm not sure what you were going for. It seemed that you began this as a rhymed poem but then you changed it up to free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting and enjoyable read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

534

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892198

Review of Disease of Doubt

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Silent Writer

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Disease of Doubt"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
When I started reading this, I wasn't sure who's side you were on. I agree, doubt is a disease but like any disease, it's opportunistic and only goes where invited.

Creativity/Impact:
I recognize the creativity in this as you explore some of the aspects of doubt. I feel, however, that there was more to be said - perhaps more YOU wanted to say - and it just didn't seem to me that you were able to get it all out. That's just my own feelings - probably not yours

Plot/Content:
This is your exploration of doubt - how it gains access and how it affects people. I felt in your observations on the child that you may have overstated feelings of doubt. Hopelessness is certainly there but in the young, doubt is more a matter of not being able to accomplish something they know should be able to achieve rather than realizing they'll never have the opportunity to achieve. Just something to think about.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this to be a thought provoking read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest and encouraging feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

535

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3892180

Review of A Poem for a Poet

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi kian swaggie

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Poem for a Poet"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Actually I was impressed by not only the named forms but the various techniques you employed. I thought it was a fun read.

Creativity/Impact:
Let's see - you used alliteration, anaphora, but avoided rhyme. I would have thought at least one rhyme wouldn't have killed you

Plot/Content:
As you say, "I was trying to write a poem, and this came out." This was a nice rundown on some of the more familiar forms and (as I've already noted) employed several poetic devices. I did like your honesty - knowledge is helpful; prosperity is non-negotiable. We're never going to get rich writing, that's for sure!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An very enjoyable read. Your knowledge of poetry comes through clearly and I found myself smiling. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

536

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3891916

Review of Dreams

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Smiles

My name is Ken and I saw your entry in the Senior Center Forum contest. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dreams"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Alliterative Acrostic

Creativity/Impact:
I thought your approach was very creative. The use of both color and style really highlights the key word and, even for those unfamiliar with this style of poetry, clarifies what an acrostic is.

Plot/Content:
I thought your acrostic of "DREAMS" was cleverly conceived. Each line can be viewed as a euphemism for the base word. Making each line alliterative also enhanced the poetic feel of the piece.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I think you did all you could with this. The Acrostic "form" as such doesn't have many rules other than using the letters of the base word at the beginning of each line. I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). This was a clever write and more than that, you can't ask.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An entertaining and enjoyable read. Your creativity comes through clearly and the added artistic elements only enhance the message. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

537

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3891711

Review of Save Fuel Ride A Mule

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Lesley Scott

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Save Fuel Ride A Mule"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
This was a wonderful story, full of information and vignettes about mules and donkeys. You were right - "many people appreciated mules or just knew nothing," and I was one of them

Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was very creative. That it was based in fact made it all the more interesting.

Plot/Content:
I read this as (almost) an essay on an unseen and unappreciated branch of domestic husbandry. There is so much information here. You highlight the traits and advantages with true stories and a tall tale that really raises the appreciation that most readers will have. Excellent presentation and work.

Technique/Technical Notes:
It's not the "tale", it's the telling that gave me concern with this. You obviously know your subject and are passionate about it. That said, there were so many distractions that it kept me from enjoying this wonderful write. Here's a sampling of the first three paragraphs:

The very first donkey and mule show on the Eastern Seaboard, held in 1982 in Summerville, South Carolina, and [and doesn't belong. It's not connecting two separate thoughts. Drop it and the sentence will read fine] attracted quite a crowd of spectators and contestants. I happened to be the founder and President of the South Carolina Donkey and Mule Society for almost ten years. [When? before, during, or after the event? What does this have to do with the first contest?]

We had our work cut out for us, since not many people appreciated mules or just knew nothing. [Knew nothing about mules, perhaps, but they all know something

] The goal was mainly just to educate people about the outright fallacies [outright is redundant since a fallacy is a deceptive, misleading, or false notion, or belief] of these thoroughly misunderstood long eared equines. Simply word of mouth helped at the horse shows and lectures to advertise. [I'm assuming that this means you adopted the same strategy? This sentence doesn't seem related to anything you discussed before or after.] We were all up for a challenge, and the show turned out to be a suprise [misspelled surprise] to everyone.

Mary Jane, a beauitiful [misspelled beautiful] young lady with blond hair to her waist, was the secretary of our local group The South Carolina Donkey and Mule Society}, he[Typo: No "}" needed. He who? Did you mean "she"? The way this is worded it sounds like she was entered in horse shows, not a horse.] was a big winner at the horse shows, and she was the one who suggested that we have our own show. It was called, "The Po' Folks' Playday." The classed [classes?] were even open to horses. None showed up. Most of the horse owners must believe donkeys and mules were carriers of deadly diseases.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I would have rated this much higher if it weren't for the numerous errors. A good proof reading will make this much easier for the average reader to access all the information you've provided. Personally, I found this a thoroughly interesting, informative, and enjoyable read. Your enthusiasm comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3890835

Review of Quilting the Poems

for entry "Perceptions"

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Poet's Place

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi LostGhost: Seeking & Learning

It's just me,Ken.

I saw that you were participating in the "Invalid Item"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Perceptions"

on behalf of "The Poet's Place "

First Impression/Thoughts:
My first thought was "cinquain" but, of course, it's not

Still, it has that feeling of an Asian form due to its brevity and imagery.

Creativity/Impact:
Personally, I found it insightful and loved the word picture it paints.

Plot/Content:
This is a direct interpretation of the prompt. As the electricity flows sears the night sky, the appearance is like cracks in the universe which heal in the blackness following. I thought you did a wonderful job in capturing those images and finding words to share them with those who haven't seen the powerful beauty of the storm.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Obviously written in vers libre you managed to keep the poetic feel to this through imagery and through its poetic feel. Since there is no "right" to free verse, there's little for me to comment on. I did notice that you ended your poem using punctuation which is atypical for this style. Should you respond, I'd be curious as to why?

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enlightening (no pun intended) read. Your words clearly were chosen to invoke a powerful image and display the beauty you saw. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3890803

Review of Image Prompt Stories

for entry "Image Prompt 2: The Fire Fighter"

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with 30 Day Image Prompt Contest Co...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Lonewolf

It's just me, Ken, and I saw your entry in the "Invalid Item"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Image Prompt 2: The Fire Fighter"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A good story of bravery and the compassion of our unsung hero's in the Fire Department.

Creativity/Impact:
You gave me enough details that I was able to break the boundary of words and found myself in the story. Excellent job.

Plot/Content:
The protagonist, Anderson, is a fire fighter called to the scene of a blaze. Your descriptions of him were very well done and we got to know him mentally and physically. He rescues a trapped man who begs him to save his cat. Again, your ability to describe the scene was excellent. We got a sense of what he was facing and the obstacles he had to overcome. Against common sense and the orders of his commander, Anderson goes back into the burning structure and saves the cat. I like that you related his actions to his previous experiences which helped us understand his motives.

Technique/Technical Notes:
This was a well crafted write with few errors. The couple I saw are easily corrected.

P10: "from within the helmet his voice was colder than reassuring." You forgot to capitalize the first word. The sentence was a bit confusing since I'm not sure what is colder than reassuring

. Perhaps rephrase to something like "his voice came across as cold rather than reassuring."

P16: “I’ll save her, don’t worry, we’ll be right back.” I think you meant "I'll be right back" since no others were involved. You probably were thinking of "we" as the cat and Anderson but it's confusing in the context you said it.

My biggest source of confusion was in your use of tenses. The first few paragraphs are written in Present Tense in which the action happens as we read. (A well placed kick splinters the ...) Then you changed to Present Perfect. (to his surprise the man was still alive) You changed tenses several times throughout. A quick read and you'll pick them up.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable and entertaining read. Your ability to flesh out the scenes with great descriptive details really brings life to the story. The tense changing does make it a bit disconcerting at times but I think you'll see those when you reread. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3890312

Review of 30 Day Image Prompt Competition - August

for entry "Day 1 Prompt 2 - The Little White Cat"

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Poet's Place

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Jordi

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Day 1 Prompt 2 - The Little White Cat"

on behalf of "The Poet's Place "

. I saw your entry in the "Invalid Item"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A really good and exciting story based on a literal take from Prompt 2. I thought you did a great job.

Creativity/Impact:
Very innovative. I really enjoyed how you developed a story that so completely took the prompt and made it integral to the story line.

Plot/Content:
A seemingly young girl is on a mission to retrieve a magic amulet. She locates it but is trapped by men sent to destroy the house where it is located. She uses her magic to change into a cat and is ultimately rescued by a fireman. Your prose is almost poetic in places as you weave descriptions of the house and subsequent fire into this tale. I happen to love that (being a poet a heart

) although with the magic theme of your write, "the orange dragon" could almost be seen as a literal happening rather than a metaphor. It's important to keep the two worlds clearly separated. There are also references to "others" and "her kind" which are left hanging. You needn't go into great detail but it would have helped if you gave us a clue in understanding the actions. Overall, very entertaining.

Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, an excellent write. I would recommend that you add an extra space between paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read. There were a few specific items I found:
P7: "It felt as though it contained something small with a strip of something contained with it." The use of similar phrasing so close to each other was confusing.
P12: "Wonder why they want it torching.” I think you meant "torched."
P23: "trees for her to climb sown to safety" Typo - you meant "down."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An exciting story that I hope you continue to build on. I love your descriptions and your ability to create such a detailed environment. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3890096

Review of The Philanthropist

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Mosef

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Philanthropist"

on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Great ending! I didn't see it coming; a wonderful moral hiding in this short fiction piece.

Creativity/Impact:
A really good plot that I thought was innovative and well developed.

Plot/Content:
I thought you did a great job in developing this. The flow was good, the action consistent, and above all, it was believable. Not that it's required, but I did notice that you introduced only "James." At first, I wondered why but it works to keep the focus on the him and plight. Whether or not this was deliberate, it was effective. There was a bit of superfluous information - does it matter that it was Monday or a white Caddy? This might have given you a few more words to "build up" your description of James and sell the idea he was perceived as homeless.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't see anything major. I noticed you indented your paragraphs which, in a story, makes the reader's eyes search for the next line instead of just continuing on. It's not wrong but something to consider.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An enjoyable read. Your story telling talents come through clearly and I found myself pulled through this tale. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3889589

Review of Tricked

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Poet's Place

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi graecyn

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tricked"

on behalf of "The Poet's Place "

First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done - you kept me guessing until the end. It did remind me of the old saying "Never bring a knife to a gun fight."

Creativity/Impact:
I thought you did well given the word limits of the Daily Flash Fiction contest. Good tone and a nice build up to the final scene.

Plot/Content:
I think your words painted a tense picture of a couple fighting over the unfaithfulness of the husband. Each had a motive for their actions - but hers was better

I wonder, are you a poet by leaning? I am - and I find that many times I tend to go into "poetic phrasing" when I write. Of course, I have to strip most of it out to get to the word limits (LOL) but it's my natural inclination. I noticed several of your descriptions seemed to be in that vein.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You did an excellent job - no errors noted and you had a good balance between narrative and dialogue. Very good!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This held my attention throughout and I totally enjoyed the read. Your talent is well showcased in this. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1939830 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

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#3888339

Review of A different kind of Vamp

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Poet's Place

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi ~Watery~Grave~

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A different kind of Vamp"

as a Member to Member review from "The Poet's Place "

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a great idea. This is a twist on the Dorian Gray story but much more dynamic.

Creativity/Impact:
I found the concept of a "Life Leecher" to be very original (at least to me

)

Plot/Content:
Your words introduce us to a new kind of character. He is old and feeble but enters the world at large and begins to shed years by passing them on to ignorant passersby. Great idea. My first conflict with this is your title indicates "vamp" which is a seductive woman who uses her sensuality to exploit men. and yet you describe your protagonist as a "he." I think this might actually work better if your villain-to-be was a woman. Obviously, my second is that this is just too short which I'm sure you're aware of. This really needs to be expanded to realize its full potential.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I really didn't notice any real problems; no spelling, punctuation, or obvious grammar errors. One recommendation is to add an extra space between your paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This is a very appealing storyline. Your imagination comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1939830 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

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#3887429

Review of dark again

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hi bright shadow

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "dark again "

. I see you're new here

Welcome to WDC. I hope you find us encouraging and helpful.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Depression, frustration, or simply a bad day at the office - we've all been there.

Creativity/Impact:
I think this was part imaginative and part cathartic venting. I'm certain many will nod in appreciation that you found words for their feelings.

Plot/Content:
Your words are an expression of a universal truth - there are days when it seems, to quote an unknown, "there is no gravity, the world sucks!" I think you said it more emotionally and from a place where you find yourself at this point in time. I appreciate that you didn't leave us in darkness but offered a way out. It is true, in my experience, that sometimes you have to go through the motions of happiness until it catches up with you.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses or simply the use of poetic lines. I found your opening, "darkness is crawling up to me", to have that poetic feel because of the imagery it invokes. The third line was more like prose.

As to form - I'm guessing you may have written this in another program (such as Open Office or MS Word) and then pasted it here. (I do the same LOL). The postings here are converted to HTML. Some times, the transfer isn't clean. For example, the comma you wanted at the end of line 1 shows up at the beginning of line 2. I highly recommend that after posting, go back and look at it online. You'll catch those sort of mistakes and can edit them.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting and yes, even enjoyable, read. Certainly, your emotional content comes through clearly. With a little practice, you'll get the hang of using the site and your poems won't have the distraction of strange punctuation

I also encourage you to read, review, and write. You'll find your style and voice quicker. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

545

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14 days may be credited.

#3887166

Review of NO TEARS

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi bumfuzzled

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "NO TEARS"

which I found as an entry in "Invalid Item"

First Impression/Thoughts:
I love the flavor of classic verse with it's traditional form and language usage. This was exceptionally delicious

. Hmmm, maybe I should have breakfast before I start reviewing LOL)

Creativity/Impact:
I thought you did a great job of capturing Browning's form as well as keeping the somber tone steady throughout the write.

Plot/Content:
It was intriguing to see the subject of lying to your love recast in a classic, melodramatic style. I did learn a new word - "pash" - and while it's slang, it's a wonderful word. (I'll tuck it in my odd words file until it sees the light of day again

) That said, it's a noun and you used it as a verb but it'll be our secret. Just as a thought - Browning titled his poem using the last line of his verse and that would work here

adding to the classic feel.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Browning's form was ABBAAB and you used it with great aplomb. The use of a few "near rhymes" did break the spell slightly but, when read aloud, it was hardly noticeable. Other than that, this was a terrific poem. It reflects your craftsmanship and attention to detail that makes poetry such a joy to read.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This was a thoroughly enjoyable read. Your homage to Browning is a wonderful write. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

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546

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14 days may be credited.

#3887075

Review of Crossing the line

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Amalie Cantor - We Got This!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Crossing the line"

. I saw this in your port and couldn't let your work go on without at least one review.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Each verse stands on its own but I lost the thread between verses.

Creativity/Impact:
I liked the general flow within each verse; I didn't feel that overall, you provided enough transitions that would allow the average reader to follow this from beginning to end which lessens its effectiveness in communicating your ideas.

Plot/Content:
Your words paint individual "universal truths." The notes of questioning why we are here and what is our purpose are certainly common ground for all people and will strike a chord with many readers. I saw each verse as a phase of life - birth, growth, decline, death. Your final verse began with "I was murdered to malinger.." which I will admit totally stopped me

. I love the alliteration but have no idea what this meant. To malinger is to feign illness especially to avoid work. Nothing you previously said prepared me for this. Of course, the biggest issue I had with this was that in verse one you asked "when--definitively--does life end?" and you never answer.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) and despite its freedom, it's not entirely free. Free verse displays some elements of form. Most free verse, for example, self-evidently continues to observe a convention of the poetic line, at least in written representations. Often, you'll see versification as well. In your poem, I felt you honored these traditions well.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this a very interesting read. I liked your approach and there's much to praise in this. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write. You will find your voice and style. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

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547

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14 days may be credited.

#3887019

Review of A Perfect Mess

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Andy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Perfect Mess"

which I found on the Read a Newbie page. Welcome to WDC!

First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this playful and honest and, actually, very entertaining. Having been a writer for the past few years, I've found that not only breaking, but also twisting, knotting, and changing direction work quite well too.

Creativity/Impact:
The short meter gives this a very upbeat rhythm and plays well with the humor that you've woven into this. I liked it.

Plot/Content:
This is a poem about writing ... where words are our servants but also our masters. Your observations of their conduct, sometimes orderly and sometimes chaotic, ring true to those who struggle with them. I suspect it's tantamount to "herding cats."

Technique/Technical Notes:
You've added a subtle rhyme to this hybrid of free verse (no punctuation, first line capitalized, and no consistent rhyme) and traditional poetry which really carries the tempo and keeps this light. No SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) errors noted. A clean write.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A fun and quite enjoyable read. Your humor comes through clearly and I found myself smiling and nodding "yes" more often than I'll admit. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

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548

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14 days may be credited.

#3887014

Review of The Fallen Maple Leaves

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Asmi

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Fallen Maple Leaves"

. I found your poem listed on the Read a Newbie page It's been some time since I started "a new life after finishing school"

and so I was curious about your impressions.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Yes, nostalgia is a good word - a wistful desire to return in thought to a former time in one's life although this was nostalgia about nostalgia

Creativity/Impact:
I found this very heartfelt as well as contemplative and I'm sure will stir memories in many readers.

Plot/Content:
Your words paint a picture set against the autumnal image of leaves falling indicating the passage of time or the end of a season. I thought this was very effective to set the mood. Your use of imagery was both brilliant but somehow lacking. "The heart still yearns to belong / in those cozy lanes of time" was great. "The childhood days are past / as is the smiling face." was just confusing. I suspect that you will smile again. When writing, don't rely solely on emotion. Remember the reader isn't privy to what's going on inside your head except through your words.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Again, I found this a bit confusing. For most verses, you used an abcb rhyme. Then, you didn't. When people read your work, they will try and get into a rhythm and changing (or stopping) the scheme will stop them. You want to keep their attention on your words and emotions - not on your form. I would also caution about "stretching for a rhyme image." Your final stanza talks about cold winds blowing and then keeping warm in the rain. The the rain seem contradictory for an autumn setting.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I think you did well, especially with weaving emotions into your poem. The structure and writing shows great promise but still has some work needed. I encourage you to read, review, and write if you're serious about poetry. You will find your voice and style.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

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549

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14 days may be credited.

#3886621

Review of Breathing

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Erin

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Breathing"

. I found your write listed under "Read A Newbie" and and was curious as to what was "balled up."

Welcome to WDC.

First Impression/Thoughts:
Our collective angst about the human condition. Believe it or not, you're not alone. We all (well, those who actually take the time to think about it and I'm not convinced that many do) have our doubts, our questions, and yes, even our moments of amazement and joy.

Creativity/Impact:
I applaud that you took the time to write it down. Sometimes, that's all it takes. There it is in black and white and it allows you to move on and enjoy rather than worry about life.

Plot/Content:
This is actually insight into who you are. It's a brave thing to open yourself like that, even is a protected environment like this site. As you run through your questions and doubts, you also offer answers to your own concerns.

Technique/Technical Notes:
You list this as prose which, for the most part, it is. Prose benefits the more informal metrical structure of verse that is almost always found in traditional poetry. Poems involve a meter and/or rhyme scheme. Prose, instead, comprises full, grammatical sentences, which then constitute paragraphs and overlook aesthetic appeal. Some works of prose do contain traces of metrical structure or versification and a conscious blend of the two literature formats is known as prose poetry. I actually found poetic lines within this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this a very interesting read ... as far as it went. There's more to explore and I hope you will continue to ask, to seek, and to discover where this will take you. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

550

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14 days may be credited.

#3886593

Review of The Iwant-osaurus

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi LouzephyrSam

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Iwant-osaurus"

which I found in the Read A Newbie section

. Welcome to WDC!

First Impression/Thoughts:
I hope you adopted with a return guarantee!

It's been years since mine were that young. Trust me, you'll lose your memory at some point and only the good will remain. (Come to think of it, did I have kids? Oh, well LOL)

Creativity/Impact:
This was either very imaginative or terrifying. The jury is still out

. Seriously, I loved it and yes, the humor was very well done.

Plot/Content:
This was a tongue-in-cheek vignette about a small child, dubbed the "Iwant-osarurus." The short meter and quick rhyme made this playful in the reading; the descriptions humorous and very identifiable. I loved the line(s) "It’s chewing on / the head of G.I. Joe / God rest his soul." It's surprising what kids will put in their mouth - assuming it's not green and healthy, of course.

Technique/Technical Notes:
It seemed there was an attempt at rhyme except when it wasn't convenient

. I guess we could call this free-verse but your pesky rhymes got in the way. Whatever it was, it worked and actually added to the comical nature of this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An fun read. Your humor and ability to see the world in its absurdity comes through clearly and I found myself chuckling. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

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