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Review Requests: OFF
3,125 Public Reviews Given
3,266 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
I'm good at...
Short Stories and better at Poetry
Favorite Genres
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Public Reviews
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701
701
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Raphael -

Very nice acrostic! The story line felt a bit undefined - and I think this was due in part to the uneven lines and centering of the poem. An acrostic works best left aligned so you can follow the "title". I also noticed that you left out the "O" (couldn't as opposed to could not). I think you have nice skills, however, and I did enjoy the read.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today!

Ken *Smile*
702
702
Review of The Secret Tome  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Excellent acrostic! Cohesive and well told tale, you brought the hidden tale of the image to life with nicely flowing prose. You kept the "poetic" feel to this even as your story unfolded. One suggestion: Making the lines more even help the acrostic feel natural, not forced.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today!

Ken *Smile*
703
703
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nicely done - a story and an acrostic all in one *Smile*. I enjoyed the read. My suggestions would be to try and even the lines out a bit. When you have such long and short lines intermixed, it detracts from the ability to read and follow. In your second stanza, you doubled the word "night" - as in night night.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today. I look forward to reading more of your works...

Ken *Smile*
704
704
Review of Seeds of Wisdom  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya SWP...

An excellent interpretation of the prompt... I really love the image of the eagle disbursing the seeds of wisdom on the wings of wind. It was a very emotional feeling. I do wish you had taken it one more stanza. Perhaps it was only my own reaction but it felt like there was more to be said and this was really the conclusion.

Regardless, I found this very enjoyable to read. Thank you for sharing your vision with me.

Ken
705
705
Review of Traditions  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Traditions - the movement of love" A beautiful phrase filled with the knowledge of one who has benefited from and passed on that love. There are many levels here and each has a uniqueness and special feel to it. Form and words combine in a beautiful homage to our ancient brothers and those who remember the value of tradition in our lives.

Excellent poem, dear friend...

Ken
706
706
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Brilliant *Laugh* Never saw it coming until you put last piece of the puzzle into place and then picture became clear. I do so enjoy your imaginative writes! Ahhh to be young with my imagination in tact LOL... but thanks for letting me hitchhike on your fertile mind tonight.

Excellent!

Ken
707
707
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi B. Scholl...

A very clever write - one that many will find humorous and bit confusing *Laugh* I'm slow - it took a few sentences to realize that the words were talking to the author. The single quotation marks worked well to define the speaker negating the need for the curly parentheses. I know - they were meant to be asides but really, with all the punctuation I think they confused the issue a bit.

I will admit - I'm not a big fan of using emoticons in stories but it seemed to work here. Unfortunately, the limited amount you have to work with on the site means that many key words were left naked *Laugh* and I'm not sure they added that much to this imaginative tale.

Thank you for sharing this humorous insight into a writers mind with me...

Ken
708
708
Review of Robbie  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya CB...

What a terrific and touching story... You've given a voice to a lot of kids, I'm afraid. I like the feel of your writing - the flow was very natural and you managed in such a short space to give us a setting and set up the situation. Your transition from lying on the roof and imaging a happier world to regrets over reality was very smooth and kept me engrossed the entire time.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today...

Ken *Smile*
709
709
Review of James  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Tariq...

Welcome to WDC (again *Laugh*). With only 300 words to work with, you have to really drive the point home quickly - and I think you did really well. You set up the conflict, you gave us the protaginists, you laid out the scene... all well done.

A few minor comments - I assume you wrote this in another program and pasted it in here. Honestly, indenting first lines works well in letters - not in stories. As you convert from a word progam to HTML (which this site is in) spacing goes a bit crazy and since you were inconsistent in indenting (only 4, 5, 6, and 9 *Smile*) it gives the story a ragged look which distracts from the flow.

A second comment - you wrote this in first person, narrative. I like that point of view - it allows you to get into the head of the central character - but it's also the most difficult to read especially in a short, short story.

Overall, I think you have talent and I hope you keep stretching your writing muscles. I'd love see where you go. Thank you for sharing your "virgin" entry and imagination with me today.

Keep writing!

Ken
710
710
Review of Hard Drive Veto  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another star in the galaxy of your short writes... I suspect that you swooped up gold dust with this one *Laugh*

I love the characterization of the Robot - so much for the Asimov's three laws. A really good read and a wonderfully twisted ending.

All I can say is "no sweat!" *Laugh*
711
711
Review of Story Telling  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another great tale and thoroughly enjoyable read. You do have quite the imagination and you always challenge me to reach beyond myself and see the world through your eyes. Excellent!

In paragraph 5, you write "Shannon hurried to the town hall, she was already late." Perhaps a semicolon? *Smile* I'm always so pleased to find anything to comment on besides your brilliance. Thank you for being human *Laugh*

Ken
712
712
Review of The Gig  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jim...

OK - you got me *Laugh* What a clever tale - superior in the telling, superior in the ending. I'm not sure why you bolded the center section - it was a bit distracting *Smile* but the story was compelling and I just rolled over that part.

You are the master of flash fiction - I bow to your envious abilities LOL.

Excellent tale -

Ken
713
713
Review of Priceless  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jim...

Sorry I've missed you recently - I so enjoy your imaginative tales - and this is no exception! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Priceless" Open in new Window. [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Ahhh, the old steal the amulet and get trapped in the desert story *Laugh* Just teasing you! A nice, tightly written tale of choices.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I love the setting and even limited to 300 words, you manage to bring the spice of the desert into my imagination. You do have a genuine talent to putting 10 lbs of description into a 5 lb sack!

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of Faraday - a thief with a penchant for bad luck. His misadventure in thievery and its ultimate cost is well told in this tale. Great imagery populates your tale and the exotic landscape unfolds as we're pulled deeper into the story. I think, however, you needed another 100 words. The ending was a bit anticlimactic and did't quite close out the story...

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nothing to note - but then, there seldom is *Laugh* Well written!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I reall enjoyed this and can't wait for chapter 2 (*Pthb*) No - I'm not serious *Laugh* A nicely told tale. Your imagination and talent continue to shine untarnished. Thank you for continuing to share both.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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714
714
Review of Tainted Love  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Just call me Omni Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tainted Love" Open in new Window. [13+] as a judge for the February round of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A powerful love story that teems with emotion.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
The theme of reluctant love combined with emotional words is captivating. Excellent use of this form.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell an age old story - love overpowering reason. Great imagery sets this apart and makes the reader unaware of the awkward Pi form.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nothing to comment on *Smile* This was perfect in form and technique.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A wonderful take on the prompt - both poignant and somehow alluring. It was easy to succumb to the subtle rhythm of this. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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715
715
Review of Anonymous Hero  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jim -

I'll take your challenge *Laugh* but first...

What a terrific story! Individual acts of heroism, the audacity of those who understand their duty, all combine to make a "I can't stop reading" tale. You managed to transport me to this world and understand that bravery and futility can coexist.

I saw nothing to comment on; I can only offer praise for an exciting read!

Ken
716
716
Review of Third Eye  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You've got to love those 80 year old martriarchs. It's clear if you try to kill them, what happens *Laugh*

A wonderfully imaginative story straight from a mind as sharp as any in the Choy organization. Well written, well told, and well done!

Ken
717
717
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi AJ...

Nicely done. I really liked Ms. Carlton's character - having known a few of those old fiesty broads in my time *Laugh*

Content wise, a nicely told story of the trials and tribulations of the handicapped in the modern world. You've added enough detail to sketch a well-rounded picture of the central character in limited space. Nice action that kept the story flowing and me along with it. My only confusion came at the end with "at least she was going to the right place." It didn't seem to fit. I think the story could have dropped the last line and ended on the note of humor.

Technically, I saw nothing to comment on. Well crafted.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talents with me today.

Ken
718
718
Review of Digital Sneeze  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Jim!

So, how did I read this? Aren't all technologies off line now? *Laugh* Just kidding you a bit. A nice twist on the "War of the Worlds" with us catching the cold. I really like the theme of this - it's just plausible enough to make me think. The tie in through the SETI program was pure brilliance or should I say "hyperionance?"

Well thought out, enough science to make it believable, enough fiction to fill in the missing pieces.

Excellent read!

Ken

PS - Yep, I'll take up the challenge *Laugh*
719
719
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi J White Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Angelique Louise-Kristabelle Mortimer " Open in new Window. [13+] on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. .

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A modern day fable *Smile* Nicely done - moral and all!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I really like the tone and pacing of this. You carried us along with your characterizations and images, setting a solid foundation for the introduction of the prompt.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell the tale of the title character, her near non-existence, and how she found her moment of fame - and accepted it with grace and intelligence. A well told story that kept me reading. You built this story from the ground up - a nice achievement in so short a space. The ending was perfect *Laugh*. My only comment would be to have introduced Mrs. Smittee earlier in the story - perhaps as a teacher or the chip shop ower - much like you did Mikey, Shaun, and Larissa so the final lines would have had context.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
A few minor mistakes - certainly nothing that detracts from this fun tale and not worth mentioning.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A well told story in a fable style that I'm sure many will enjoy. You mixed the challenges of childhood with a pinch of humor and created a heart-warming story of finding one's self. Thank you for sharing your rich imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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720
720
Review of Red Door Road  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay Bradley Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Red Door Road" Open in new Window. [E] on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. .

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
An interesting fantasy - although it's a bit undefined, it read well. I found myself adding my own meanings to it to help place it in context making if feel interactive.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I really enjoyed the mystery of this and that kept me reading. Nice imagery in your phrasing.

*NoteG* Content:
You describe a mysterious door that the central character (undefined) passed each day. His fascination and love/hate relationship with what it stood for provides the conflict that builds suspense. The span of the tale seems to be a lifetime and, in the end, the central character finds the determination to go beyond what is seen into the unknown. From a story perspective, you left a lot to the reader. He seemed to know what the door was but we never find out. He had both a fascination and a fear of the door and again, we never fully understand that. Even the conclusion was left without closure for the reader.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Actually, I think for story this long, you did really well. A few minor notes: In the opening line you write "...me thinks that door doth mocked me." Tense issue: should read "mock." In paragrah 2 you write "..Just then, a withering, old man "... I think you meant "withered" unless you meant he was dessicating something *Smile*. In paragraph 3 you end it with "... take another route to reach the familiar fog." There really wasn't anything that explained what the fog was and why he was going to it. There were following references to it but - like fog I guess - it seemed to have just appeared and I found myself wondering about its signficance.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I think you've created a unique tale here based on the prompt. If you're like me, you probably saw this story in your mind (visually) and translated it to the page. Remember that the reader doesn't have access to all the nuances of your mind and so when you go back and read, try to see it from a reader's point of view and not the author's LOL. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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721
721
Review of Decision  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi MissingAnarchy Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Decision" Open in new Window. [13+] on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. .

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A really touching and powerful tale well told.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
You've taken one of many divisive subjects and treated it with respect and compassion. The story was excellent as was the telling - you kept the suspense all the way to end and my attention as well.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell to two friends - one needing to make a life altering decision and the other needing to be there - from loyalty, from love. You write from a truely human perspective - not allowing the "decision" to overwhelm the story nor to minimize the choices facing the central character. Well done!

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
If I had one comment to make, it would be that you tend to write in a passive voice which I think lessens the impact of your work (I know of what I speak - I do it all the time myself *Laugh*). For example, you write "Sarah, who was neither listening or responding, stared at the entrance ..." instead of "Sarah wasn't listening or responding. She stared, trance-like, at the entrance ..." I only point this out to make you aware of it.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A really well told tale, full of emotion and suspense. Thank you for sharing your imagination and obvious talent with me today. I'm returning your GPs - both because I'm judging this and it wouldn't be right to accept them and because I need no other inducements - your story was reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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722
722
Review of Survivor  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Melfiina Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Survivor" Open in new Window. [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A survior's tale to be sure but more than that - a message of hope for all those who currently are fighting this dread disease.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I appreciate that you took "a small slice" of the our subject's day which allowed you build up the picture of the morning. Nice imagery and phrasing.

*NoteG* Content:
You describe the "first day of the rest of her life" as a cancer survivor. You wrote this entirely as a narrative, never mentioning her name. This keeps the reader outside of the story. I think you could add impact by moving the reader into the story a bit by changing this from a character to a person. The other suggestion I would make is to add senses. This was primarily visual - what about the taste of the first day, the smell of the first day? Adding sense information also tends to help readers get into the story.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
A couple of minor considerations: I think there's a typo in the first line of paragraph 2 - "owned" instead of "owner." In paragraph 4 you write "The only sign of life were birds..." There's a conflict between singular "sign" and multiple "birds." I suggest changing it to "signs." Finally, in the last paragraph you write "mass of emotion" which needs to be "emotions" and in the last sentence "... letting it usher her in to her ..." should be "into" which indicates movement and typically answers the question "where."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A nicely told story of hope and the promises that tomorrow always holds. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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723
723
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Nicki_Mist Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Love Always Forgives" Open in new Window. [13+] as part of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done - you've captured a complete story from the image.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I like that you didn't go with the obvious - you dove into the "back story" and brought out the story within the image and not just the surface impressions.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of a couple who - like most of us *Smile* - had an argument. In anger, he leaves and she worries. You conclude with a happy ending. Simple language creates the images that you've woven into this tale of love and it's ability to forgive. I noted that in S1L5 that you used the word "weeped" which is not a word *Smile*... present tense would we "weep" - past tense would be "wept."

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Other than noted, I think you did well with an awkward form. I saw nothing else to comment on.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A well told tale using a difficult form. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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724
724
Review of Serene Beauty  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi aralls

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Serene Beauty" Open in new Window. [E] as part of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautiful poetic expression of love ...

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A unique form and flowing verse combine to bring the reader into the image. Well done.

*NoteG* Content:
The poet sees his love asleep and expresses his feelings of love... nice imagery sets the scene and well chosen language illustrates his passion and emotions. An engaging read.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Both in form and technical content, this was perfect.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* There is a softness in your words that seem to capture the slumbering image and transports the reader into the moment. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Very well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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725
725
Review of Channel Blocker  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Hyperiongate Author Icon

My name is Ken – aka 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Channel Blocker" Open in new Window. [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Too funny, Jim. Your wonderful sense of the absurd shines in this! I so appreciate the ending ROFL

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Your creative descriptions are totally unique. "Disgruntled onion" is so perfect. I'm sure this is the winner for the day!

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of a family with at least one member who channels (no pun intended - OK, maybe it was LOL) whatever he sees on T.V. The humor shines as he recites a list of plans all engendered by various channels as his wife ticks off her cancellation plans. Too darn funny.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Ah haa! At last! Two issues to bring to your attention. You have two paragraphs that run together. You need to add a space. And - the piece de resistance - you mispelled "buy" in paragraph 6 - "I could by me some..." See what happens when you rush? *Laugh*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* This is so brilliant that a typo doesn't diminish it in the least. This is a "must read" for anyone needing a laugh - and we all do these days. Thank you for the laugh - It's very much appreciated.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Don’t forget to vote! "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.


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