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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/huntersmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/28
Review Requests: OFF
3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
I'm good at...
Short Stories and better at Poetry
Favorite Genres
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Public Reviews
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676
676
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Excellent! I love fantasy and even from this outline, I can tell this is going to be a great tale. Perhaps I'm sponsoring the next JK Rowlings *Laugh*. Seriously, a really well thought out and imaginative write. I can't wait to read the rest!

Ken
677
677
Review of COLORS OF FALL  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love the opening lines ... they bring to mind the richness of color that comes with this time of the year. The overall poem - an autumn memory of your childhood - speaks to our own autumnal years. The transition between the two was a bit stark. The rich description of color could have moved with the story ... dark russet stains on a barrel ... an artist's palette of leaves raked into a pile ... I think you could have gone deeper with the theme.

Over all, a wonderfully told reminiscene. Thank you for sharing ...

Ken
678
678
Review of Jack Sprat  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bravo - a great twist on the original. Creative and fun, you still manage to impart a great message to the reader.

The very last line is a mouthful *Smile* and breaks the flow a bit. I think you could drop the "because" because *Laugh* it makes the last line an incomplete sentence and it doesn't add anything to poem. Just my thoughts ...

Excellent take! Well done, poet ...

Ken
679
679
Review of The Black Heart  
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi shannonlovesraves

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Black Heart"  [13+] on behalf of "Smile~Worldwide"  [E]

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Sorry to burst your bubble *Smile* but I suspected this was about you. It's not uncommon (even when you don't mean to) to leave pieces of yourself in your writing. That's why I think poetry is a brave thing to write - you can't write a good poem without revealing yourself.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
This is a dark write (and I'm glad to see you rated it appropriately) that speaks of the lonliness and separation we all feel from the world around us. This is - in essence - a piece of you and that makes it unique. Well done.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your innermost feelings of hate and separation... apparently directed toward your father and then generalized to world at large. You describe this as a "black heart" and use good imagery (glass, raven's eye) to underline this. A small disagreement here *Smile* - glass is hard but ususally transparent. You might consider "obsidian" - a black glass-like substance. Overall, you've expressed yourself well and that's the purpose of poetry, isn't it? To be understood.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
There are several fundamental errors in your write. While the overall meaning is not affected by them, they do distract the reader from your message. Here's what I saw:

First Stanza - Line 4: "Is hate, too her poor heart." Too means also - I think you were looking for "to"
Second Stanza - Lines 5&6: "becuase they then knew they over done it." Three issues - you mispelled "because", you changed tense so I'd say "know" instead of knew, and to keep the tense correct "they'd know they've over done it."
Line 10: "black" - typo
Line 11: "heavy" - typo
Stanza 3, Line 2: "other than"
Line 11: "surprise" - mispelled
Staza 4, Line 3: "because" - typo
Line 7: "I" should be capitalized (although in free verse, if you don't capitalize any words, it's acceptable.)

I'm guessing you meant to center the poem. To do that place the center command at the beginning of your poem {center} ...
and the end center at the end of your poem {/center}. You don't need the align left command - that's the default.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I'll give you 5 *Star* for honesty! This is truely a heartfelt write. Unfortunately, the technical errors will pull the reader away from your words and emotions - and that is not what you want! I hope that will continue to write - you seem like someone with a lot to say and there are many who will identify with your feelings. Just as a thought, I write all my poetry in MS Word so common mistakes like typos get caught before I post them. It also serves as a great back up for you writing *Smile*. Who knows - maybe someday you'll want to publish. I look forward to reading more of you.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1695764 Unavailable **
680
680
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A very creative idea - and after reading, and reading, and reading - I'm not sure I get it yet LOL but I'll keep watching and am sure I'll pick up on the subtleties before too long.

Way to go!

Ken
681
681
Review of The Perfect Gift  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I tried like crazy to find a hook - to no avail. Your imagination never seems to fail you or impress me. A wonderful story with an original and creative twist. Darn you *Laugh* Congratulations on another win (don't worry - this one is a winner)

Ken
682
682
Review of Hanging in There  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Great job with a difficult form. I saw no deviations in the form - perfect. You've captured the image and clearly brought out the hidden voice of the climber. I really enjoyed your inventive rhymes as well *Laugh* - compose/cleated toes and plummet/summit - very creative. The use of identical rhymes (ahead/head) was also appreciated - too many poets reject them although they are valid. I do have a small issue with the meter which varies widely (from 4 to 12 syllables) but that's not a condition of the form - only personal preference. I think this will do well in the contest - congratulations "poet!"Ken
683
683
Review of The Courier  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOL - shades of Kenau Reeves. A wonderful tale - I love the persona angle. This would make a terrific story told in chapters, not words! Brilliant, as ususal - but I'll give you a run for your money tonight *Pthb*

Ken
684
684
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice ... a wonderful capture of summer and youth in only 17 syllables! My only critique would be that the kireiji or cutting word (that commonly leads to the "aha" moment) could have been stronger, showing us something we didn't see. Typically, it suggests a parallel between the preceding and following phrases, or provides a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure. Of course, what do I know? Only that I really enjoyed this.

Well done!

Ken
685
685
Review of Ancient Enemies  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very cleverly done - and with rhyme, no less *Laugh* The "hidden" message is very well incorporated into the acrostic and, if you hadn't pointed it out, I'm not sure that I would have picked up on Hyena vs Lions. That's a credit to your skill!

Very enjoyable and appreciated!

Ken

(PS - returning the GPs - I read and review for my pleasure so no additional incentives are required *Smile*)
686
686
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Laugh* You've been reading my memoirs again! No fair. A wonderful slice of life and the warm humor that fills each day. Excellent tale, well told!

Ken
687
687
Review of A Moment of Youth  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Have you been peeking at me again? *Laugh* A delightful tale of the simple things in life that make it worthwhile.
Thanks for the smile this evening!

Ken
688
688
Review of Summer Joy  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice, Jeff... a wonderful capture of summer and youth in only 17 syllables! My only critique would be that the kireiji or cutting word (commonly called the "aha" moment) could have been stronger, showing us something we didn't see. Typically, it suggests a parallel between the preceding and following phrases, or provides a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure. Of course, what do I know? *Laugh* Only that I really enjoyed this.

Well done!

Ken
689
689
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A bit of wry humor and a nice step out of the ordinary given the prompts *Smile* As always, your abilities to conjusre up a plausilbe tale have been confirmed *Laugh* Well done, sir ... well done.

Ken
690
690
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi chatabit

Thank you for the review of my related article - "You Never Hear The Bullet ..." My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Who are you kidding?"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
You're obviously someone who cares about the damage we've done - and continue to do - to our world. I think you make some very good points in this open letter format.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Now what can be more creative than your feelings? They're unique to you *Smile* That said, I wish you had gone a step further and offered your musings about solutions as well.

*NoteG* Content:
You started strong, recalling the facts of the oil spill - well, what we know as of today, anyway. I like that you stretched it out pointing out that the real damage won't be known for some time. Along about the second paragraph, you lost me a bit when you brought in natural disasters such as earthquakes, floods, and tornadoes. I couldn't quite equate the two. I'm guessing you were really moving on to the "response to disaster" subject. I think your point about planning for emergencies such as the Valdez or the Deepwater Horizon are well made; I'm not sure that the same level of planning that should have been made is possible for natural disasters except in the broadest of terms. (By the way - who says that BP and other Gulf Coast oil companies didn't learn from the Valdez? Didn't you hear that their disaster plans for the Gulf called out protection of walruses? *Laugh*)

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
I realize that these were your thoughts but committing them to writing (which implies sharing them with a general readership) allows you an opportunity to organize them. I saw three main themes here - the affect of disasters and poor planning, the failure of the government to take action, and a general distrust of those in charge. I really think that you could have addressed them more effectively for the reader if you had taken the time to address each and then close by showing the linkages.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I applaud your strong feelings on the issues raised. Just don't forget that the general readership doesn't have access to all your feelings and other thoughts that you didn't say here so - in some sense - parts of this are taken out of context. Give yourself a little distance and come back to this - you'll read it with different eyes.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1678525 Unavailable **
691
691
Review of Father's Day  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* "Here's the pitch." CRAAACK! "It's a line drive!"
You've just been reviewed by ""Take Me Out to the Ballgame" Reviews"  for THE TALENT POND! *Star*


Hi Have a sunshiny day!

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know *Laugh* and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Father's Day"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
How appropriate and timely! A well written and informative summary of how Father's Day came into being.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I think, as they say, "timing is everything!" You picked the perfect subject to do your non-fiction challenge on. I think you did a great job in bringing the key points home while keeping a interesting narrative going.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of the founding of Father's Day, the loving and appreciative daughter who championed it and what led her to do so. It's amazing how ignorant many of us are about the celebrations we participate in. I really didn't have a good idea how this came about. You did a terrific job of providing all the key information for complete understanding.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to comment on. This was well structured and shows your attention to detail regardless of what you're writing. Well done! *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Interesting, informative, and timely - who could ask for more? Thank you for sharing your talent and for enlightening me.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1678525 Unavailable **
692
692
Review of I wonder  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sandra aka Gingerlilypad

My name is Ken - welcome to WDC! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I wonder"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A wistful reverie along the beach.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
These are your impressions and feelings - how much more unique can a poem be? *Smile*

*NoteG* Content:
You write of a moment in time by the beach - and the feelings that the moment evokes in you. You draw nice images that a reader can easily identify with - the warm, wet sand, the seabirds, the shells, the feelings of belonging. There were no "ah-ha" moments - nor do there need to be - just the pleasure of the moment.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
I think the first thing I noticed was the uneven meter (think syllables per line) which broke up the gentle feel of this with a roughness in reading. For example, in stanza 3 you write:

I reach my hand down for a shell, 8 beats
It’s full of sand and shaped like a bell. 10 beats

If you left out the "and" in the second line and replaced it with a comma, see how much smoother the lines read. A trick I use is to read it out loud - small breaks in rhythm are better detected with the ear. I liked the internal rhyme of these lines (hand/sand - shell/bell) which really help the flow when reading.

Other than that, I saw no errors or other changes I can recommend. Very nicely done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A nice, gentle poem that captures you feelings of the moment. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today. I look forward to reading more.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1678525 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1583244 Unavailable **

693
693
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cleverly written and I love the juxtaposition of backwoods and high brow. What a fun read. Personally, I think this should have won over mine but, as you so pointedly say - “Buck up. You’ll get ‘em next time around. " *Laugh*

Ken
694
694
Review of Free Agency  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ohhhhh I like this one. Very nicely handled and you know I'm a fan of the underdog - especially when he looses *Laugh*

Really creative and fun!

Ken
695
695
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Love it - a true "ghost town" story ... Nicely told with just enough of the macabre to keep it interesting and add your unique twist to the tale. Well done.

Ken
696
696
Review of A Mother's Wrath  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well done, as usual - always a great read and always a twist (although this was more of slow curve LOL)

Thanks for sharing, my friend... I may just have to give you a run for your money soon *Smile*

Ken
697
697
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Really nice acrostic! Cohesive and well told tale, you brought the hidden tale of the image to life with nicely flowing prose. I love the "Nocturnal Gazer" - great imagery! I appreciate the ending as well - what fools us mortals be LOL - You kept the "poetic" feel to this even as your story unfolded. Even lines (for the most part *Smile* LOL) made the acrostic feel natural, not forced.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today!

Ken *Smile*
698
698
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Really nice acrostic! Cohesive and well told tale, you brought the hidden tale of the image to life with nicely flowing prose and even managed to create a rhyme within it! I appreciate the extra effort it took - You kept the "poetic" feel to this even as your story unfolded. Even lines (for the most part *Smile* - Reality or Insanity? LOL) made the acrostic feel natural, not forced.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today!

Ken *Smile*

PS Returning your GPs - since I'm judging wouldn't want anyone to think you influenced me *Laugh*
699
699
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Raphael -

Very nice acrostic! The story line felt a bit undefined - and I think this was due in part to the uneven lines and centering of the poem. An acrostic works best left aligned so you can follow the "title". I also noticed that you left out the "O" (couldn't as opposed to could not). I think you have nice skills, however, and I did enjoy the read.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today!

Ken *Smile*
700
700
Review of The Secret Tome  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Excellent acrostic! Cohesive and well told tale, you brought the hidden tale of the image to life with nicely flowing prose. You kept the "poetic" feel to this even as your story unfolded. One suggestion: Making the lines more even help the acrostic feel natural, not forced.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today!

Ken *Smile*
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