1.Flow of Piece/Readability There is a nice flow to this wonderful piece--but I feel the flow could be even better with a little work on the punctuation....
2.Grammar appropriate...
3.Punctuation
Your poem is nice, but I stumbled a bit trying to figure out how it should be read--especially when the words were "speaking".
I have a few suggestions for punctuating this piece:
All she could do was reach out
With words giving encouragementcomma
A gentle push, a nudge.
You can do itcomma she would type,
You have the talent.
I think it would help if you put: "You can do it" and "You have the talent" in italics
Words would come back,
Saying that he was trying,
He would get it done.
Words would fly across the screen
Asking how she was, had
She typed her words for that day.
A smile would cross her face,I'd delete this comma
As she read the words that were typed
Upon the screen looking back at her.
Just words, words typed
With care, with thought.
Words reaching back and forth,
Words of caring and sharingcomma
Words that grew into storiescomma
Words of fantasy.
Only words(--in italics?) they would say
Only words(--in italics?) they would remind her,
Just words to write with,
Words that could never be a reality.
Don't let the words catch you,
Those kind of things don't happen (in italics then comma?)
A voice tells her.
Remember, they are just words
to write with(in italics then comma} she was reminded.
Then the words met.
Some of the words written were a fantasy,
Some of the words a reality.
The words were spoken, as they faced each other
were they the reality, or was it a fantasy to be written?
Words that cause pain within ones soul.
Words upon which dreams are made of
Words to hold close to one's heart,
Words to hold onto for a lifetime,
Words to hold ones tears,
Words as she watches him walk away and disappear,
Words...words...precious words.
These are only suggestions--I feel good punctuation helps the reader to hear the author's voice...and only the author knows how the piece is intended to sound.
4.Spelling no errors noted....
5.Overall Impression I DID love this piece--very imaginative--I'm sure your words reflect many writer's feelings.
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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Monetary Christmas (E) Why do we spend so much money on others when Christmas represents Christ's birthday? #589010 by Kings
I noticed this featured in the Poetry Newsletter.
1.Flow of Piece/Readability There is nice rhythm in this piece--I'm not sure why the rhyme abrutptly stops in the last two stanzas?
2.Grammar appropriate....
3.Punctuation It's works as is--but if I may make a suggestion? I think it would help the flow if there were comma's after lines: 6, 10, and 15, and a question mark after line: 12
4.Spelling I noticed no errors...
5.Overall Impression I love the sentiment in your lovely poem! You pose an important question here: This is Christ's birthday should He not receive His? Then in the last stanza you explain how we CAN give Christ His gifts...wonderful!
Keep up the excellent work!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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The Animals' Gift (E) A short poem created for pre-schoolers to recite for a Sunday School Christmas Program #904489 by skmdragon
I noticed this featured in the Poetry Newsletter.
1.Flow of Piece/Readability I loved the rhyme and rhythm in this adorable piece!
2.Grammar appropriate...
3.Punctuation Skillfully done...
4.Spelling
I noticed no errors....
5.Overall Impression I loved this children's poem...very sweet--I love the last line: Every animal on that special night,
Gave all that they could claim.
So on this Christmas Eve, let’s pray,
That we will do the same.--that's right! Thank you for sharing this adorable little poem!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/ReadabilityA very nice piece with wonderful rhyme and rhythm!
2.Grammar Appropriate...
3.Punctuation I only saw one problem...you need a comma after "Lord" in the first line...other than that--your punctuation is skillfully done...I could "hear" your "voice".....
4.Spelling I noticed no problems...
5.Overall Impression I loved this sweet prayer! Beautiful! It touched my heart!
Keep up the excellent work!
Good luck in the contest!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/ReadabilityNice rhyme and rhythm....I feel a little more attention to the punctuation could help the flow even more...
2.Grammar appropriate...
3.Punctuation and said "To Come Home", I would capitalize the "A" in "and", put a comma after "said"
4.Spelling It seems there is an inconsistency related to whether the first lines are started with capitalization?
There also seems to be some missing capitalizations at the beginning of conversations....
It also seems inconsistent as to whether "Lord" and "He" are started with capital letters? I prefer to see them all in capital letters..., but either way...try to remain consistent...
Other suggestions:
-- A comma after lines: 1,3,5,& 9
-- A period after lines: 12 & 16
5.Overall Impression This is a touching poem...I enjoyed it ...it just needs a little mechanical work.
If you make any corrections, let me know...I'd love to increase the rating....
Good luck in the contest!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability Your piece kept my attention...very nice!
2.Grammar
I don't know if these sentence fragments were intentional or not, but they got my attention: Especially at night. In a creepy hospital
3.Punctuation
...too real. As did the snowy white beard and ruddy cheeks.....I feel this would work better as one sentence....
He reached to pat her head but Gracie shrank away from his touch. There should be a comma after "head"...
4.Spelling I noticed no errors.....
5.Overall Impression This is a wonderful story....great use of the prompt....you have me in happy tears. Although I noticed a couple of problems...anything that touches me so deeply deserves "5" stars....Keep up the excellent work....
Good luck in the contest!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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Overall Impression Oh my! I've really should let you know that this is not perfect mechanically, but you just had me laughing my butt off! This is the hardest I've laughed in a long time! Keep up the excellent work! Thanks for the laughter!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability This is an intense piece--highly emotional with wonderful flow,...and makes a powerful statement with awesome imagery, alliteration and metaphor....
2.Grammar appropriate....
3.Punctuation appropriate....
4.Spelling I noticed no errors....
5.Overall Impression Did I say intense? Your powerful piece has gotten my blood pressure up! Now that's writing! Keep up the excellent work!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability This is a frightening dream...the title and description did a good job in grabbing my attention.
It would help the reader if you would space the paragraphs or indent them....
2.Grammar I noticed no problems..
3.Punctuation There are a few sentence fragments, such as: Part of his magic.
And some run-on sentences--for example:
I start to cry, tears leaking from my eyes, as I try to breathe past the pain. He starts to laugh loudly, and I feel a weight settle on my waist, just below the cuts. Either one of these sentences alone may not be too bad, but it seems to me, there are too many of these....making the story sound like a cadence. This disrupts the flow for me a bit. Read those lines aloud and see if you can get my point.
4.Spelling
I noticed a couple of things:
--"everytime" should be "every time"...two words
--"abrubtly" should be "abruptly"
--"I feel him lay the the"...you have doubled your "the"
5.Overall Impression
This is a scary piece--with a little work, it's going to be great!
Let me know if you make any corrections, and I'd be glad to increase the rating on this piece!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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Flow of Piece/Readability The title and description of this piece grabbed my attention--after your most kind review of my poem, I thought it only right to read about your religion. I noticed no areas of improvement--and enjoyed, not only the education, but also the honesty--this was a wonderful and informative read. Thank you for sharing!
May the Creator bless you! KEEP writing! jacky
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Polls (18+) Polls...More then just opinions. They are the inner workings of a collective mind. #898460 by andrew
I had to stop and R & R this folder before even taking any polls--'cause you are just too funny. The description of the folder grabbed my attention and my laughing only increased as I read the heading...now I just hafta' figure out if I'm brave enough to take any of your polls...
Keep up the excellent work, and thanks for the laughs!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability The title and description grabbed my attention. The poem tells a nostalgic tale in wonderful rhythm and rhyme.....
2.Grammar appropriate....
3.Punctuation excellent....
4.Spelling I noticed no errors....
5.Overall Impression I'm a great "TV Land" and "Nick at Night" fan, so naturally I loved this....not that I'm not old enough to remember them FROM the 60's...okay...I'm lying......I remember! Thanks for the fun read!
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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