I appreciate your thoughts on public reviews. I hate doing them and avoid them unless something is just such an exceptional piece of work that I truly believe deserves more attention. But when I do only those good pieces (that get "5's"), I get criticized for not giving the authors critical advice. The pieces I usually put on there--don't need my advice ...that's why they are on there.
I enjoyed your well written, informative article...thanks! Just for fun, this is going on public review!
jacky
Your story is inspirational! I noticed no technical errors in this piece. I thoroughly enjoyed this peek into your life. I wish you well in your endeavors!
God bless you and KEEP writing!
jacky
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I'm a sucker for good poetry! I have enjoyed my visit to this folder of beautifully and skillfully written poetry. I will be back! Thanks for all the emotional responses your writing has allowed me to feel!
God bless you and KEEP writing!
jacky
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I love journals...yours--written as if you are speaking, is especially nice. I love to see the insight of others--your journal is full of simple honesty as well as some fun facts. I enjoyed my visit. Thanks.......
This is a cute piece--well written and entertaining. My only suggestion would be to either indent your paragraphs or put spaces between the existing block style paragraphs--this would make the reading a little easier. Thanks for the entertaining piece!
God bless you and KEEP writing!
jacky
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Description: Still picking up the pieces...a touching biographical piece....
This is a beautifully written piece. It makes my heart sad. This is skillfully written. The emotion in this piece is so vivid.
Suggestions: But then I'll dream about her- a night dream, a daydream. I remember everything.
Several places you use a line-
Shouldn't that be 2 lines?:dream about her--a night
That's the only thing that jumped out a me that I would change.....still it is a fabulous piece, either way. Thank you for this heart-felt biographical narration.
And thank you again for the help!
God bless you and KEEP writing! Good Night
jacky
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1.Flow of Piece/Readability Nice flow....nice rhythm and rhyme...
2.Grammar appropriate
3.Punctuation I would recommend commas after the lines:3,5,9,11,14,and 15. I'd put a period after line 6. In line 14, you need a comma after "sad"
4.Spelling In line 6, you have "your" when it should be "you're"....You need to capitalize you "i" in "I'd" in line 14.
5.Overall Impression This is a very nice piece. I can feel your emotions. With a little work it could be perfect. I'd be happy to up the rating to a five if you correct the spelling and capitalization errors. The punctuation changes are up to you....
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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What an outstanding piece! The ending made it all the more powerful. God bless you! May you always be bathed in God's love!May you grow stronger in the Lord each day, and may you be bathed in the colors of the rainbow!
This is an awesome piece...well except for that "weird alien thing" comment. I took offense to that, --
My favorite lines: A symbiotic relationship long ago developed between Sentries and humans and their souls. Souls were the multidimensional aspects of all beings, and human souls were as close to the Source as any being the Sentries had ever encountered. They gravitated to them as a result.
I believe that is true...I get chills every time I read those lines...
Since this is going to public review, I won't reveal the surprise....but it is truly wonderful....and wonderfully written.....
Thanks for the experience....
God bless you and KEEP writing! jacky
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