My partner in the Endureview reviewed you, so now I have to review my arch enemy in short story horror..
Initial Thoughts I love the way you started this story! It immediately grabbed my attention.
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability You're a wonderful writer...your pieces are always written well--and easy to follow. The imagery is excellent...I could clearly see all of your characters....
2.Grammar I saw no problems
3.Punctuation
I saw no problems
4.Spelling You often make my mistake of hyphenating words that do not need hyphens...
"bald-headed" should be "baldheaded"
rear-view = rearview
over-exposure = overexposure
then:
everytime = every time
5.Overall Impression Over all, this is a very cool story...I enjoyed every minute of it. The only thing that sorta interupted the flow...was, Jonathan Hawker spoke to no one in particular --this made me, at first, assume there were other people in the car. "no one in particular"--makes it sound like there WAS others that could have heard him....I think:.."Jonathan Hawker spoke only to himself"...would be better. (Do you understand what I'm saying?) Anyway.....I thoroughly enjoy this! Fabulous ending. Bless you and keep up the good work!
5 stars........jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts A beautiful acrostic poem--with some very meaningful advice.
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability A nice flow and an easy read! The writer has puts a soothing voice into her words.
2.Grammar
I saw no problems...
3.Punctuation I prefer punctuation....but this piece flow well without it....
4.Spelling I saw no spellng errors....
5.Overall Impression I love acrostic poetry...This poem is a nice read containing some valuable advice....advice about a literal, "geting back on the horse" theme....but I also read into it a meaning that could refer to any number of things--that when one fails...it is important to try again--to never give up.
Thanks for the advice! jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts A cute, well written piece about an embarrassing moment.....
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability A nice easy read...excellent flow...
2.Grammar I saw no problems...
3.Punctuation I saw no problems
4.Spelling
I saw no problems
5.Overall Impression This is a fun little piece. I enjoyed it very much. (Now, I'm gonna' fuss...two things I've read in a row....you had a comment that put yourself down: To this day, I wonder what in the world he was thinking to pick me!) I will have no of that...do you hear me young lady!)
Thanks for the fun read.....jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts This is a theme song parady and it's just fabulous!
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability wonderful flow....I'm still dancing to the disco music in my head (stop!) whew..that's better....
Excellent rhyme....
2.Grammar I saw no problems
3.Punctuation I saw no problems
4.Spelling
Been thinkin what could happen you just need an apostrophe on the "thinkin'" to signify your "typo" was intentional
5.Overall Impression Sucks...there goes that music in my head again...if it doesn't go away by bedtime, I'm gonna' come back and change that "5" to a "1".....
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts Another great lesson in free verse!
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability
Easy to read....perfect flow....
2.Grammar I saw no problems.....
3.Punctuation You do so well with the puctuation...I beginning to understand free verse poetry. It's poems such as this--that have made me realize how a piece can have so much power when the punctuation is carries the reader through so effortlessly...
4.Spelling I saw no problems
5.Overall Impression I loved your piece....so much meaning in such a small space....thanks for the experience!....jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Everyone needs to read this--it's about a 15yo native American hunter--It's a great story with a twist.
Johnny,
Wow....awesome....I've got chills...your words--your descriptions are perfect. I felt like I was jacy (instead of jacky, lol) I felt his fear--I felt my own heart quicken...for a delicious moment--I was the hunter.... You have a talent baby--I need to come back for more of your stories--this one was wonderful.
Thanks for the experience!......Jaci...ah, I mean, Jacky
Doggone...what a twist! I've got chills...I was believing this...I hope it's not true...lol.
I thought is was an autobiography of sorts--you made me feel sorry for the girl--esp. when it seemed there was no justice in the world...until the justice was exacted by the victim herself.....awesome read...I love twists...absolutely fabulous!
You may want to work on your punctuation a bit.
This line esp. made me stumble:
Ironically I probably wouldn't attract a second glance now as ever since I was twenty one plastic surgery has been gradually changing the shape of my face.
I'm not sure if you mean "one plastic surgery after another"...or what. I don't mind run-on sentences...I think it can be an useful tool in good story telling....but without proper pucntuation, it's hard to grasp the meanings sometimes.
Thanks for the experience...jacky
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