This is a very cute story...well written, well told. I could clearly see the characters and their reactions. I maintained a smile throughout the piece. No problems jumped out at me as I enjoyed your story. Thanks for the experience!
jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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This is a very cute piece that puts a smile on my face , mostly because I know exactly what you're talking about. Young people, those who never had to experience typewriter ribbons and white out, have no clue how wonderful this modern age is. Likewise, they have no clue of how foriegn it is for us to learn what seems natural to them. It took me a month here to figure out how to make that smile. It took me another month to feel comfortable enough to actually use it. Thanks for the smile......jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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This is a beautiful poem....wonderful imagery...nice way with words. (This poem reminds me of the book of Job--is that just a coincedence?--or am I just crazy )
I see the same sort of problems with this one as your other pieces: put your spacing after the comma's, you need to capitalize your "i's"
Use your spell check:
acumulate = accumlulate
I have enjoyed raiding your port--I hope my comments have been helpful--keep up the good work and God bless you! .....jacky
Initial Thoughts This is a beautiful poem describing feelings toward the sea.
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability Your words flow sweetly--there is a gentle rhythm and a beautiful rhyming scheme.
2.Grammar
Good....I saw no problems....
3.Punctuation I'm impressed with your punctuation...it helps the poem flow flawlessly....
(Why do you call me,tell me true)--just a tiny spacing problem between "me" and "tell"
4.Spelling No problems except an "i" that needs to be capitalized....
5.Overall Impression I loved you piece...gently flowing with sweet, soft imagery.....thanks for the experience!
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts This is a nice poem...it does well in providing images related to the prompt/title
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability I have trouble finding a consistent flow in this. I also find myself rereading the lines to see how they relate. You do have some beautiful phrasing.
2.Grammar I noticed no problems...
3.Punctuation You used punctuation correctly.
4.Spelling I noticed no problems
5.Overall Impression This is a nice poem--I can appreciate the way you demonstrated changes....Thanks for the experience.
jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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This is a wonderful piece about hospital workers facing an unusual case. The writing is so fluid--the characters and dialogue, totally believable...
Jack,
Why haven't I read you before...I adore your writing...quite skillful. I sure hated to see this one end...you last touched it over a year ago. I sure would like to see what's going to happen next. This sounds like a Robin Cook novel--makes me wonder if you don't have a medical background too...
I have no recommendations other than, "finish it", . Thanks for the experience! Jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts Awesome story--what could happen to a young boy being bullied? Well, in this case...all he had to do is dream...
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability The description got my attention...then, every line held on to it. This piece flows flawlessly...I never had to stop and re-read anything for clarification.
2.Grammar
I noticed no problems....
3.Punctuation
I noticed no problems....
4.Spelling I noticed no problems....
5.Overall Impression I don't think I've read this writer before--but I'm certainly going to.
You have talent. I was really caught up in this story...I could feel Jimmy's fear, and Robbie's rage. I felt a mixture of terror and delight when I saw the young bullied boy would get his revenge. Thanks for the experience! Keep up the good work!! jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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My partner in the Endureview reviewed you, so now I have to review my arch enemy in short story horror..
Initial Thoughts I love the way you started this story! It immediately grabbed my attention.
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability You're a wonderful writer...your pieces are always written well--and easy to follow. The imagery is excellent...I could clearly see all of your characters....
2.Grammar I saw no problems
3.Punctuation
I saw no problems
4.Spelling You often make my mistake of hyphenating words that do not need hyphens...
"bald-headed" should be "baldheaded"
rear-view = rearview
over-exposure = overexposure
then:
everytime = every time
5.Overall Impression Over all, this is a very cool story...I enjoyed every minute of it. The only thing that sorta interupted the flow...was, Jonathan Hawker spoke to no one in particular --this made me, at first, assume there were other people in the car. "no one in particular"--makes it sound like there WAS others that could have heard him....I think:.."Jonathan Hawker spoke only to himself"...would be better. (Do you understand what I'm saying?) Anyway.....I thoroughly enjoy this! Fabulous ending. Bless you and keep up the good work!
5 stars........jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts A cute, well written piece about an embarrassing moment.....
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability A nice easy read...excellent flow...
2.Grammar I saw no problems...
3.Punctuation I saw no problems
4.Spelling
I saw no problems
5.Overall Impression This is a fun little piece. I enjoyed it very much. (Now, I'm gonna' fuss...two things I've read in a row....you had a comment that put yourself down: To this day, I wonder what in the world he was thinking to pick me!) I will have no of that...do you hear me young lady!)
Thanks for the fun read.....jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts This is a theme song parady and it's just fabulous!
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability wonderful flow....I'm still dancing to the disco music in my head (stop!) whew..that's better....
Excellent rhyme....
2.Grammar I saw no problems
3.Punctuation I saw no problems
4.Spelling
Been thinkin what could happen you just need an apostrophe on the "thinkin'" to signify your "typo" was intentional
5.Overall Impression Sucks...there goes that music in my head again...if it doesn't go away by bedtime, I'm gonna' come back and change that "5" to a "1".....
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Initial Thoughts Another great lesson in free verse!
Now For The Review
1.Flow of Piece/Readability
Easy to read....perfect flow....
2.Grammar I saw no problems.....
3.Punctuation You do so well with the puctuation...I beginning to understand free verse poetry. It's poems such as this--that have made me realize how a piece can have so much power when the punctuation is carries the reader through so effortlessly...
4.Spelling I saw no problems
5.Overall Impression I loved your piece....so much meaning in such a small space....thanks for the experience!....jacky
God bless you and KEEP writing!
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Everyone needs to read this--it's about a 15yo native American hunter--It's a great story with a twist.
Johnny,
Wow....awesome....I've got chills...your words--your descriptions are perfect. I felt like I was jacy (instead of jacky, lol) I felt his fear--I felt my own heart quicken...for a delicious moment--I was the hunter.... You have a talent baby--I need to come back for more of your stories--this one was wonderful.
Thanks for the experience!......Jaci...ah, I mean, Jacky
Doggone...what a twist! I've got chills...I was believing this...I hope it's not true...lol.
I thought is was an autobiography of sorts--you made me feel sorry for the girl--esp. when it seemed there was no justice in the world...until the justice was exacted by the victim herself.....awesome read...I love twists...absolutely fabulous!
You may want to work on your punctuation a bit.
This line esp. made me stumble:
Ironically I probably wouldn't attract a second glance now as ever since I was twenty one plastic surgery has been gradually changing the shape of my face.
I'm not sure if you mean "one plastic surgery after another"...or what. I don't mind run-on sentences...I think it can be an useful tool in good story telling....but without proper pucntuation, it's hard to grasp the meanings sometimes.
Thanks for the experience...jacky
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....No, don't try to tell me...I get confused just trying to get my work 
. I'm impressed! God Job! jacky
