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4,261 Public Reviews Given
4,390 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Shara-vacationing till Feb 20 -

Thank you for sending me a review request! It's my pleasure to be able to enclose the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


It's difficult to make general comments on your writing style from just a few hundred words, but overall, I think you did a good job with the detail and description. You were clearly able to use sensory input to your full advantage and created vibrant imagery in just a few short paragraphs. I didn't get much of a sense of the characters, though.

The one suggestion I would make is to make sure the internal emotions of the narrator match the style with which you're writing. The scene you're depicting is told from the narrator's perspective in a relaxed, after-the-fact, satisfied kind of tone. We get the impression that this is a moment of tranquility and peace... but then the fourth paragraph talks about how her heartbeat is elevated and that she's getting the sensation of butterflies, which are typically anxious feelings that produce the opposite effect in someone. If we're in the same "post-coital" moment, it creates a conflicting tone to one moment be talking about how relaxed everything is, and then in the next moment portray your same narrator as nervous and edgy (even if it's in a good way).

I thought you did a good job with that twist at the end, although the "had I just sinned?" line could be improved. I think it's pretty clear that she's just sinned if she's with one man when she gets a text message from another who happens to be her husband. I think it might be more effective to go with the traditional "what have I done?" or perhaps something that isn't necessarily about questioning the morality of what she's done as much as questioning where she'll go from here. Perhaps, "Oh Dear God, how will I live with myself now?" or "Oh Dear God, what do I do now?" or "Oh Dear God, Ryan can never know about this."

Overall, I enjoyed the read and I think you've done a great job with the physical description in a scene. You write clearly and evocatively, and I think you did a good job on this short piece.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
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Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
377
377
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Danza -

Thank you for sending me a review request! It's my pleasure to be able to enclose the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

Overall, I think this is a wonderful tribute to your grandfather. The reader really gets a sense of how much he meant to you and your family, and you did an excellent job providing details that help readers feel like they get to know him a little. I have just a couple of relatively small suggestions for your consideration:

In the second paragraph, the line "We'd all sit around as the teetering stacks of presents grew before our eyes" is a little ambiguous. Do you mean that as presents are pulled out from under the tree (or elsewhere) and stacked in front of each person that the individual stacks grew? I mention this because I think there needs to be a little clarity; it sounds as if the actual number of presents in the room total is increasing magically somehow. I assume you're referring to the stacks of presents being passed out, but it might be worth clarifying since not everyone opens presents the same way... and for those of us who open one at a time, or don't otherwise subdivide them first, it might help to be clearer what you mean about "stacks of presents [growing] before [your] eyes." *Smile*

I would have loved to have read an explanation for why your family opens presents on Christmas Eve when your grandfather opens his on Christmas. It seems like most traditions get passed down through the generations relatively intact (my family, for example, always opens them on Christmas Day... because that was how my parents did it... and that's how their parents did it; my wife's family, on the other hand, opens them on Christmas Eve... because that was how her parents did it... and that's how their parents did it). It would be a fascinating addition to the story to know why your grandfather has a different tradition from everyone else (and when/why it changed).

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
378
378
Review of Attention Adults  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi EllisRosser -

Thank you for sending me a review request! It's my pleasure to be able to enclose the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I'm certainly no expert in poetry, so please take everything with a grain of salt. *Wink* Overall, I enjoyed your poem and thought you did a great job portraying the point of view of the younger generation speaking to older ones about how they perceive being seen. I think the disclaimer at the bottom is a nice touch that lets the reader know you're taking a narrative point of view but also acknowledging that not everyone is the same. Your "abcb" rhyme scheme was good, but there were a couple of lines that I felt didn't quite rhyme as well as the others, particularly in the fourth stanza (criminal & miracle) and the fifth stanza (moods & rude). The former almost rhymes (but not quite), and the plural vs. non-plural in the latter throws the rhyme off just a bit. Other than that, I thought you did a good job with this piece and I think you've got the foundation of a really strong piece of poetry here. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
379
379
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lynda Miller -

Thank you for sending me a review request! It's my pleasure to be able to enclose the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

First of all, I'm terribly sorry for the delay in sending this review. Things at work and heading into the holidays got a little crazy and I just plain forgot that I needed to get this review done. I hope there's still time to edit before the contest deadline or, if not, that you'll accept my humble apology for such a long wait for this review. *Blush*

In the first paragraph, the last sentence has quite a few extra commas that I don't think you need:

When spring and summer comes, the beauty of the trees putting on their leaves and the wild flowers popping up, gives an artist and photographer like me, all the floral, fauna and animals to photograph and paint.

Also in that sentence, "fauna" literally means "the animals of a particular region, habitat, or geological period," so you don't need to say "fauna and animals to photograph" since that's redundant. The term "flora and fauna" cover pretty much every plant and animal in a general area, so there's no need to expand past that. *Smile*

As a personal preference, I would probably call Skeeter "a cross between an Irish Wolfhound and St. Bernard" (rather than "Beethoven") as some readers may be unfamiliar with the film franchise featuring that particular dog breed.

There's a slight tense change in these sentences:

"As I lay there, Skeeter managed to crawled to my side and licked my face."

"I have to keep my hands [bandaged] for quite some time and there will be surgeries in the near future."

I enjoyed the story and thought it made for a compelling tale. If there were one overall suggestion for improvement I could make, it would be to add a little more urgency to the scene with the bear attack. The whole story was rather even-keeled in terms of its telling (which can be a problem with narratives that recount stories in the past), and the presentation of the bear attack felt a little matter-of-fact, without the passion and intensity I would expect to find someone as they retell an anecdote about they time they almost got mauled to death by a bear. I would have loved to read that scene with a greater sense of urgency and danger. The reader obviously knows the narrator lives through the ordeal (since there's a journal entry to read about it!), but I would perhaps spend a little more time focusing on the immediacy of the moment and the fear and thoughts that were going through the narrator's mind during the attack so that the audience gets an appropriate sense of apprehension and dread as the bear attack unfolds.

Other than that, I thought you did a great job with this story. The narrator was an interesting, compelling character and the narrative kept my interest all the way through. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
380
380
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support

*Pentagram* Official Judges' Review *Pentagram*


Hi QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

You did a great job with the characters in this story. I thought they were all well developed and interesting, and you created an engaging narrative that really captured this reader's attention from start to finish. That said, I did think that this piece only really used the "occult" genre prompt in a peripheral way that didn't have much of an appearance in or bearing on the story until the very end. I would have liked to have seen a little more integration of the prompt throughout the story.


TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

I couldn't find any technical errors in need of improvement. *Thumbsup*


OVERALL

Overall, I thought this was an intriguing story with a clear and well established set of characters and narrative. Nice work!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
381
381
Review of The Premonition  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support

*Pentagram* Official Judges' Review *Pentagram*


Hi billwilcox -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

This was a delightfully creepy story with a great ending. The story flowed well and built to an inevitable and yet still surprising conclusion. I would have loved to have read a little more detail about the dream state and what happened to Joe that led to his having the premonition, but you did a great job with everything, including the description and imagery, which were just enough to create a vivid picture in this reader's mind without slowing down the pace of the narrative.


TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

No technical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


OVERALL

Overall, I thought this was a great horror/occult story that kept me riveted from beginning to end. Well done!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
382
382
Review of One dark night  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support

*Pentagram* Official Judges' Review *Pentagram*


Hi cambusken -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

I thought you did a great job coming up with a clever twist at the end of the story to take it in an unexpected direction. The characters were interesting and the setup you put them in immediately grabbed this reader's attention.


TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

The story felt a little light on the "occult" genre prompt. Overall there didn't seem to be much emphasis on magic or the supernatural other than a very brief moment where they think they see a monster (and it actually turns out to be something decidedly ordinary by comparison). I would have loved to have seen the occult genre aspect worked into the story a bit more, perhaps - for example - by having the characters discuss some legend or scary story while they wander through the woods.


OVERALL

Overall, I thought this was an entertaining story with a satisfying ending. I don't think that it was necessarily the best fit for the prompt, but as a standalone story independent of the contest, I really enjoyed the read. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
383
383
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support

*Pentagram* Official Judges' Review *Pentagram*


Hi Oldwarrior -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

I really loved your take on the prompt. You came up with a unique, interesting take on the prompt and the story held my interest all the way through. One of the most fascinating things about occult stories (at least for me) is the mythology that history that goes into the supernatural or magical elements that are depicted... and you did a fantastic job making yours engaging and compelling. Your character development of Father Joe was also well done.


TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

No technical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


OVERALL

Overall, I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I think you did a great job with this story. You took the occult genre prompt and turned it into a compelling story that was a quick, easy, engaging read. Well done!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
384
384
Review of Ricky  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support

*Pentagram* Official Judges' Review *Pentagram*


Hi Kotaro -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

I like your take on the prompt. The ending made it all the more creepy and potentially supernatural/magical in origin, so I really think it worked for the prompt. Your characters were interesting and the narrative was engaging. All in all, this was a solid entry.


TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

No technically errors that I could find.


OVERALL

Overall, I thought this was a good entry for the contest. It followed the prompt, was engaging to read, and kept my interest from start to finish. Even though it was significantly less than the allowed word count, I think the brevity works well in this case. Nice job!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
385
385
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support

*Pentagram* Official Judges' Review *Pentagram*


Hi Shannon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

I really loved this story; I thought you did a great job coming up with a take on the prompt that prominently features the occult genre throughout the story. All of the characters were fun and interesting, and the story moved along nicely all the way and through the ending, which was a little surprising and entirely satisfying.


TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


OVERALL

Overall, I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I think you did an excellent job with this story just the way it is. It was well-written, entertaining, and I didn't want it to end! *Bigsmile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
386
386
Review of Maggie's Choice  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
shared Power Group image


Hi shk -

I had a chance to read your item today as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's "Dare to Review" Raid, and am enclosing the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


POSITIVE ELEMENTS

I thought this was a really wonderful, life-affirming piece about the power of not giving up in the face of adversity. It's certainly relatable to many in today's world; I think at this point we've all either experienced or know someone who's experienced cancer, terminal illness, or facing the fact that their days are numbered in some way. Because of that, I think many readers will identify with your protagonist Maggie, and understand the struggle she's going through.


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

I almost wished that you would have left the last sentence about Aaron off the story. I think ending it with "Maggie was going to live - live until she died" is a much stronger and more poignant end to the story, which to me felt like it was more about Maggie's internal struggle than with what her husband thought. Aaron, for me, felt like a minor functional character; merely there to get Maggie into the right mindset for her philosophical struggle at the bank of the Seine. Bringing him back at the very end makes the story about about Aaron, when I think it should remain focused almost entirely on Maggie.

I would also suggest perhaps adding an extra space between each paragraph; on the screen it can be a little difficult to read as large blocks of text that seem to all connect; an extra line between each paragraph would help readability on the site, I think.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought it was well-written, compelling, and inspiring. Nice work! *Smile*



I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
387
387
Review of Oak  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #2014170 Unavailable **


Hi John Nation -

I had a chance to read your item today as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's "Dare to Review" Raid, and am enclosing the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


POSITIVE ELEMENTS

This is a really beautiful personification of a tree and the cycle of life, death, and rebirth that the natural world so often shows us. I thought this piece was very well-written, compelling, and did a great job showing us what it must be like to live a life rooted in the ground as the world moves around us. This was a very satisfying read. *Thumbsup*


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

The only small suggestion for improvement I have is to perhaps give the reader a better sense of the passage of time. The story takes our subject from acorn to what I assume is a relatively grown tree in the span of a couple paragraphs (a process that takes years), but then the temporal progression of the story stops to specifically go through the experience of one individual storm. I would consider possibly breaking up or otherwise indicating the transition from quick time progression to slower so that the reader is clear that the temporal pace is changing.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

Other than the time issue (which is a very minor one), I thought this was an excellent piece of writing. It was vivid, compelling, and engaging. Nice work! *Smile*



I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
388
388
Review of Relief  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
** Image ID #2014170 Unavailable **


Hi Aeralyn -

I had a chance to read your item today as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's "Dare to Review" Raid, and am enclosing the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


POSITIVE ELEMENTS

This was an amusing flash fiction story. The basic elements are there; interesting characters, a conflict to overcome, and a resolution. It's not easy to fit an entire narrative in a flash fiction story, but you managed to include a complete tale with a beginning, middle, and end. Nice work!


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

The ending of the story felt a little forced. Throughout the story, Amelia is on her own in terms of worrying about the deadline, writing the essay, etc. But at the end, it's all of a sudden her mother who suddenly reminds her of the pushed deadline. I think it would have been a more organic and satisfying ending to the story if Amelia were the one to discover her own mistake.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

I think this is a story with a lot of potential; the characters are interesting and the conflict is clear and understandable. I do think the ending needs a little more work so it doesn't feel like it's coming out of left field, but you're off to a good start. Nice work!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
389
389
Review of The Apple Cart  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #2014170 Unavailable **


Hi Tim Chiu -

I had a chance to read your item today as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's "Dare to Review" Raid, and am enclosing the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


POSITIVE ELEMENTS

The structure of this poem was easy to follow and it was paced well. I thought you did a good job with the descriptive language, and I'm impressed with your ability to craft a poem that has such deeper meaning in just a few short stanzas. *Smile*


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

I had a little difficulty connecting the poem to it's deeper meaning; without the information in the intro about the poem being about a hands-off U.S. foreign policy, I'm not sure I would have made the connection based solely on the item itself. I'm not sure if there's a way to work that in, but I always personally prefer writing that can stand on its own without the need for any context.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this poem. You fit a lot of information and emotion and argument into a very short poem, which is not easy to do. Well done! *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
390
390
Review of What's in a Name?  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1534737 Unavailable **


Hi Osirantinous -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item"  review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


WHAT WORKED

I've been a fan of your articles (and the Art of Criticism Newsletter in general) for quite some time now. The articles are always well-researched, presented in-depth, and confidently present a variety of concepts to consider. This article is certainly no exception. Naming our characters is one of the most important things we can do. I agonize over mine for an exceedingly long period of time, and can only imagine what it will be like when I actually have to name a real child! *Rolleyes*

Authors who can just churn out character names are ones I've always envied, although I've always disliked those that choose fairly generic names. Maybe it's because I come from a family of standard Anglo-centric names like Jeff, Matt, Steven, Dave, Carol, Karen, etc., but I've always wondered, "Why name your character 'John Carter' when you can call him something like dynamic like 'Nehemiah Slade' instead?" Wait, don't steal that one... I might want to use it later! *Pthb*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I have no suggestions for improvement. I found this article to be meticulously researched, well-written, and incredibly informative and helpful to anyone looking for context or background on character names.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but this was an excellent article. I wish my newsletters were half this good! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
391
391
Review of Mathew 5:13  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **


Hi Quick-Quill -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item"  review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


WHAT WORKED

I really liked the comparison of spirituality and the need to be involved with the seasoning (particularly saltiness) of a meal. I think it's an important lesson that a lot of people need to learn (or in many cases re-learn); it's easy to get caught up in routine or sequester ourselves in our own little corner of the world, but we have value and we add flavor to the world. We're meant to be out there in it, contributing what we can to the greater meal God has designed for us. This was an inspiring and engaging piece. Nice work! *Smile*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

TYPO: "[It's] bland, so we add a little more salt to make it palatable to our taste buds."

TYPO: "When [it's] all said and done[,] we speak to those who we see every service in the same capacity and go out the way we came in."

I do think there was one part of your article - the paragraph about different parts of the world liking different levels of saltiness - that went against the grain of the argument you're making. While I've certainly found that to be true (Brazilian food is incredibly bland, by the way. They don't like spices much at all.), it undercuts the rest of your argument a little, I think. For me, the theme of this piece is to "season" the world with your own participation and to add your own particular "flavor" to the people you meet and the things you do. This paragraph seems to be saying the opposite, or at least giving people a reason not to do what you're suggesting, by giving them an "out." Oh, hey, the place I live doesn't really like a lot of "seasoning." That's nice and all, but the church I go to is more "bland" and doesn't want people to add "salt" to the mix. I think it would be a more effective argument if you rewrote or removed this paragraph which seems to imply that it's okay for some people to not have a seasoned, spiced spiritual life because they might feel they live in a more bland area.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

Overall, I enjoyed this article. I thought it was thought-provoking and brought up some great points that we should all consider, both about our food and our faith. I think it could use a little rewriting, but you're off to a great start. Well done!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
392
392
Review of In Mourning  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1804482 Unavailable **


Hi A.M.Issy -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item"  review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


WHAT WORKED

You did an excellent job with the imagery and detailed description in this poem. Each line was eloquent and flowed nicely. It was written very visually, and although I'm not exactly the world's best judge of poetry, I enjoyed reading this piece.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The only real suggestion for improvement for your consideration is the repeated refrain of "come back" in the second stanza. Whenever I read a poem and the structure of the poem isn't specifically mentioned, I look to the structure of the first stanza or two in order to give myself an idea of how the rest of the poem will play out. Therefore, I was expecting to see the same structure (a brief refrain) in each of the other stanzas and felt a little thrown when it didn't appear in anything other than the first stanza. I'd recommend perhaps adding the same refrain structure to the other stanzas or removing it from the first one, so that each of the stanzas is consistent in structure.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

Overall, I enjoyed this poem. I thought it was creative, interesting and visual. I do think the structure could be refined a little, but you're off to a great start. Nice work!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
393
393
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Elle - on hiatus -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

WHAT I LIKED

I love the simplicity of this how-to article, and the emphasis on the fact that the content is what matters, not the presentation. Even though some of us {e:averts_eyes} may obsess over the choice of pen, paper, neatness of our handwriting, etc., ultimately none of that stuff matters a tenth as much as the words committed to paper. (I reserved a tenth for the material items because the letter, of course, has to be readable by the recipient. So doctor's scrawl on a napkin with a sharpie that bleeds through maybe isn't the best idea if it's illegible *Laugh*.)


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

The only small suggestion I have is to maybe clarify "answer any questions" with "answer any specific (or personal or conversational) questions" ... something along those lines to avoid giving letter-writers the impression that they need to respond to each and every question asked in a letter, even the ones that are irrelevant. This may be just my personal experience, but my family is exceptionally good at asking rhetorical or banal questions as a way to kickstart their correspondence... it would take me five pages to get to the good stuff if I actually did answer every question they had about the weather, if my old car has needed any repairs lately, how my cat is doing, if I'm still working long hours at work, etc.!


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this article. It was brief, to the point, and is a great motivator for people who are considering drafting handwritten letters. At the end of the day, it's about what you say in your own words, and handwritten letters can be so much more personal in these days of email, text messages, and Instagram. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
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Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
394
394
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Writing.Com Support -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

WHAT I LIKED

The sections of this how-to guide are easily organized into what to do, what to avoid, and shows illustrative examples of each, in addition to sample letters (both good and bad) at the bottom. This is a very concise, helpful guide for writers looking to put together query letters. Even without any prior experience, writers can use this guide to avoid many of the common pitfalls that get a query letter rejected. Nice job! *Thumbsup*


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

The only two small suggestions for improvement are to double-check the formatting on the first three "don'ts" (the text of the entire paragraph is red instead of just the header, which I'm assuming was not a stylistic choice), and to consider adding under the "Never use family or friends as proof of your abilities" section that it's generally not a good idea to include proof of your abilities from any one individual or organization unless you know that entity is particularly well-respected or personally known to the recipient of the letter... the reason being that most editors (at least the ones I know) don't really care what someone else thinks and prefer to make up their own mind... unless it's like Stephen King or the president of their publishing house or an nationally-recognized award committee.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was an excellent guide to help writers craft professional, well-presented cover letters. This is a great resource for anyone looking to submit their work for consideration. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
395
395
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Incurable Romantic -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

WHAT I LIKED

You included a lot of really great advice and suggestions for making love letters more personal and more meaningful to the recipient. I particularly liked the fact that you encourage the reader to not be embarrassed about using nicknames or sharing personal experiences. I think a lot of people (myself included) tend to forget that the whole point of a love letter is to be intimate and personal rather than just reciting some stock phrases. Thanks for the reminder and the helpful suggestions! *Thumbsup*


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

In the first suggestion (under the heading that starts "the obvious one" it felt a little awkward to have the analysis presented before the example. You write, "And, notice too that this example illustrates..." and, "You will see not only how much we shared with each other..." before we're even provided the example that we're supposed to be drawing these observations from. I would suggest providing the example first, so that the reader is familiar with the example and can follow along with what you want them to notice, rather than telling them what they're going to need to notice, then expecting them to keep those points of reference in their head while also processing the information in the example. I think revising the structure would help keep the reader focused and engaged in what you're saying if they had the example to refer to before being asked to note particular things about it.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an excellent item with a lot of great suggestions. I do think tweaking the organization a little (as outlined above) would help the readability and structure of the item, but that takes nothing away from the excellent suggestions and compelling subject matter that you've written. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
396
396
Review of Bathtub Santa  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi TJ Marie -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I thought this was a fun, entertaining story about what Santa and Mrs. Claus might possibly do during their vacation. I can definitely see them wanting to go somewhere warm after so many months spent at the North Pole! *Bigsmile* There were just a couple of details that I thought could use a little improvement:

First, I think the bathtub needs a little foreshadowing. It felt a little strange to have Santa on a beach, then suddenly run off into the trees and return with a bathtub-motorboat. Where did that come from? Did he have it hidden there for later? If not, how did he know the things he would need to create the contraption would be there? Without a little setup explaining how he managed to find the parts necessary to create his latest invention, it's a little confusing how he managed to get it to the beach.

Additionally, the dialogue needs a little work. If Mrs. Claus is really concerned enough about her husband's well-being, why does she take the time to ask Jingles how things are going in the North Pole before calling in a rescue. That undercuts the immediacy of the request... there needs to be a little bit of tension and sense of urgency in order for the audience to feel like there's a need to call in a rescue.

Other than those two issues, I thought this was an entertaining read. You're off to a good start! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
397
397
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Angels in my Ear -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I can definitely see why this poem won first place in Muse Masters and was published in Shadow Express; it's excellent! I thought you did a really great job with the imagery and the detail in the poem, and your word choice and the structure of the piece is very good.

The only tiny issues I noticed were in the fourth line of the first stanza, where I think "compliment" (a flattering remark) should be "complement" (something that goes well with something else), and "palette" (a thin slab or board on which an artist mixes his colors, or the range of colors, instruments, etc. an artist uses) should be "palate" (a person's appreciation of taste and flavor). I actually debated the "palate vs. palette" issue for a while, but I think since your earlier lines reference tongue, flavor, etc., that the palate relating to flavor is perhaps more appropriate than the palette related to an artist's repertoire of color and tone.

Other than those two homonyms, I thought this was an excellent poem that was evocative, detailed, and very well-written. Nice work! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
398
398
Review of To Be or Not  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
shared anniversary image


Hi Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I enjoyed this essay about breaking the writing "rules" and where published authors stand compared to aspiring authors. I know it's a bit of a double-standard, but it's totally true; what an aspiring author may get dinged for in terms of personal voice, stylistic choices, etc., a published author can get away with simply for the fact that they are already established and have a fan base. I thought you did a great job with this article in terms of presenting your argument, providing supporting examples, and arranging it into a cohesive, compelling piece. I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I think you did a great job with it, as is. *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
399
399
Review of Hidden Qualities  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
shared anniversary image


Hi Troy Jarmes -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

What really struck me about this piece was the well-developed characters you depicted. Both the narrator and Irishka are interesting and engaging, and their relationship is fascinating to watch. The item was a little rough and could use a proofread for technical errors (it's "Champs Elysees" and "Eiffel Tower" is capitalized), but other than that, you're off to a great start and I think you've done a good job of hooking your reader so that he or she wants to follow along with the continuation of the story. *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
400
400
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
shared anniversary image


Hi Noctis -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

Even though this was a very short essay, I think it brings up a lot of really interesting points that challenge the reader to consider. In particular, the fact that the pursuit of intelligence and the desire for our children to be exceptional has become an obsession for many people, as well as the fact that intelligence can be used to both good and bad effect depending on the other circumstances of a person's upbringing and education. Hopefully people will stop mindlessly pursuing exceptional intelligence as a goal in and of itself, start looking at the bigger picture, and start considering that we also need to be teaching our exceptional children what to do with their gifts rather than just chasing the gift itself.

Thanks for the thought-provoking essay! *Bigsmile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" 
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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