Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,261 Public Reviews Given

4,390 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

426

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#3958602

Review of Break Providence Chapter 1

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi jazjaz

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item"

review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I think you've got the great start to a project here. There are lots of interesting elements to this, such as the nanites and the bank robbery and the action you've outlined in the piece. The entire chapter felt a little rough though, as if it were more of an outline. There's lots of dialogue but not very much detailed description, and the scenes and settings jump around quite a bit. If this is a rough draft, that's totally fine, but when you're finishing it up, you may want to consider rounding it out a little more and adding some content to flesh things out a little bit. (FYI, if it is a draft, you can select that rather than "chapter" as the static item type, which would let readers know that it's not in finished form yet). I think you're off to a good start though, and I'm definitely intrigued by your characters and story so far!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1534737 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

427

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14 days may be credited.

#3956596

Review of Find Your Happiness.

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Judge's Review

Hi Kitty Can Write

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really enjoyed the way you organized your letter. Your comparison of the things in your life that made you unhappy last year to the ways you want to change this year was well organized, presented effectively, and it was very engaging. I thought you did a great job setting multiple challenging goals while still making them all feel like they were attainable.

BELIEVABILITY

The presentation of your letter was excellent. Each goal was delivered with a bit of backstory, an objective, and a process for moving forward. Even more importantly, though, it was written in a compelling and passionate way that engages your reader and - more importantly - will hopefully reignite your passion for achieving these goals if you find yourself flagging later in the year and need to re-read this piece for inspiration and encouragement.

FEASIBILITY

Every single one of your goals seemed realistic and achievable. You set some really challenging goals for yourself, but also laid them out with a clear and steady plan that will allow you to stick to it in small increments and achieve the broader goal by the end of the year. Great work!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

Just one small typo I noticed: "Perhaps, though, you allow yourself only two [bottles] per paycheck, if you're running low."

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

428

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956593

Review of Dear Me………….

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Judge's Review

Hi Prosperous Pen

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really respect the goals you've set for yourself in the new year. I'm glad you've reconciled your relationship with God and admire the commitment to putting Him first above all else, including yourself. From the perspective of your letter's content, however, I felt that the content about the coming year was a little lacking. The majority of the letter, up until the very last paragraph, was backstory about last year which - while certainly important to understand your goals for this year - was such a dominant feature of the letter that it almost felt like the letter's intent was to provide the background more than to provide specific goals going forward.

BELIEVABILITY

I would have loved to know more about your specific goals for next year. For example, what does starting your days and nights in prayer look like for you? How do you intend to praise and worship? Do you have any specific reading/studying goals for reading and meditating in His word? Without specific, measurable goals it can be difficult to really measure the success you've had over the course of the year and I can't help but think that some more specific definition to your goals would help keep you motivated and able to track your progress throughout the year.

FEASIBILITY

Without knowing specific details about your goal, it's difficult to determine the feasibility of what you're trying to accomplish. If, for example, your goal for speaking His word is to present it in a specific circumstance (like around those who aren't familiar with it), that could be a perfectly attainable goal. If your goal for speaking His word is to become a pastor or an active leader in your church, that might take a little more time depending on all the factors. With a little more detail about how you plan on achieving each of your goals, I think you'll be able to better share with your reader and help them become even more engaged in your efforts to spent 2014 building an even closer relationship with Him.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that jumped out at me. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

429

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14 days may be credited.

#3956580

Review of Dear Me:

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Judge's Review

Hi Author Hallam

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

Congratulations on quitting smoking and drinking diet drinks! Those are no small accomplishments and I think it's great that they're creating a frame of reference for your 2014 goals.

BELIEVABILITY

I liked the way you divided your letter up into categories to deal with different goals for the new year. I think the conversational tone and the backstory help create a motivating letter that you'll be able to look at throughout the year and from which you can draw inspiration.

FEASIBILITY

Overall, your goals seemed realistic and feasible.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

430

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956575

Review of Dear Me, hooves (Circa 2014)

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Judge's Review

Hi ♥tHiNg♥

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I loved the fact that you included a good mix of goals including everything from overall improvement (not being afraid of change) all the way to the minor things that you want to change (forgiving DirecTV and controlling yourself while watching Downton Abbey

).

BELIEVABILITY

I think the strongest element of this "Dear Me" letter is the humor with which you approach your resolutions.

FEASIBILITY

Each of your resolutions seemed feasible and able to be accomplished... at least to an outside objective observer. I'm not sure quite how attached you are to Anna on Downton Abbey or just how upset you are at DirecTV about The Weather Channel, but I've got faith that you can reach these goals.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammar errors that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

431

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14 days may be credited.

#3956573

Review of Dear Me...

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Judge's Review

Hi Ellie Brooks

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I think you selected a great set of goals for 2014. I particularly like the one about returning the favor when someone sends you a review and making other people feel special and important. A lot of people tend to focus on the writing goals when they do their "Dear Me" entries and I love the fact that you expanded into other goals for yourself as well.

BELIEVABILITY

I would have liked to have heard a little more about "biomythography" and what it involves; I think your readers might be a little more engaged with that particular goal if they were more familiar with the term.

FEASIBILITY

Overall, your goals seemed feasible and realistic. Nice job!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

432

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14 days may be credited.

#3956568

Review of Dear Me - 2014

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Judge's Review

Hi 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I enjoyed reading your goals in this "Dear Me" letter. I thought the organization of this piece (and the convenient color-coding!) made it really fun to follow along with and learn about what you're trying to accomplish in the coming year.

BELIEVABILITY

I think you included a good amount of detail and background about each of your goals so the audience had no trouble following along and understanding why you chose these particular goals.

FEASIBILITY

Overall, I think your goals are entirely possible given proper motivation... make sure you revisit this letter often and find inspiration in it! Best of luck with your efforts this year!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling/grammatical errors jumped out at me.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

433

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14 days may be credited.

#3956567

Review of Note to self: Future Ghost Dream

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Judge's Review

Hi A*Monaing*Faith

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I like the fact that you framed the letter within a more descriptive setting; it was a creative way to add some additional flair to your contest entry.

BELIEVABILITY

I did think that the goals themselves needed a little more explanation and detail. Once we get into the letter from Your Future Self, it feels a bit like an abbreviated list of things you want to accomplish, without a lot of context as to why these particular things are important to you or how you plan to achieve them specifically.

FEASIBILITY

That said, all the goals you presented certainly seem feasible and realistic. Good luck as you work on them throughout 2014!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

434

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14 days may be credited.

#3956553

Review of Dear Me

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Judge's Review

Hi Anistasya

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I thought you did a really great job establishing the events that have led you to this point in your life, but I didn't see much in there about goals for 2014. I love the enthusiasm for this being the year that everything changes, but in what way are you hoping it will change? Do you want to write more, and if so, what kinds of writing? Do you want to write more frequently? If so, how often? I think this is the start of a great piece, but at the moment, unfortunately, it's missing the defined goals for this year.

BELIEVABILITY

There were no specific goals to comment upon.

FEASIBILITY

There were no specific goals to comment upon.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

435

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956548

Review of Dear Me...

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Judge's Review

Hi Charlotte Grimm

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I like the fact that you've essentially created two goals for yourself this year: a macro-goal (finish the book) and a micro-goal (write or read something every day). I think the best way to prepare for success is to do exactly what you've done in this letter; give yourself a larger goal that you want to accomplish and then small, measurable goals that you can accomplish every day.

BELIEVABILITY

I think you did a great job keeping the letter interesting and compelling; in fact, I wish you had gone into more detail about your family's curse! I thought that was a really interesting detail that I would have loved to seen expanded a little.

FEASIBILITY

Overall, I think your goals are entirely reachable and feasible this year. Good luck to you!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

436

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956546

Review of DEAR ME: contest entry 2014

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Judge's Review

Hi dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really enjoyed reading about what an important part of your life (and the upcoming year) God will be playing. It was an enjoyable read.

BELIEVABILITY

I think you did a great job creating a context for your goals and explaining your interests, your beliefs, and the background information needed for the reader to understand why these goals are important to you.

FEASIBILITY

Overall, everything you wrote seemed feasible and possible this year with enough hard work and effort. Good luck with everything!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

There were a few minor typos that I caught as I was reading:

"Share [God's] word with people whenever the opportunity presents [itself] or look for the door which God has opened for you."

"... and remind you of the love of God [whose] plan of redemption saved you by and through the gift of Jesus Christ your savior."

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

437

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956535

Review of Today’s the Day…

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Judge's Review

Hi Agape Novels

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

Overall, I thought you did a great job outlining your goals for the new year, while continuing to point to the fact that your primary goal - above all others - is to have a better relationship with God. I think that's an admirable goal to set for yourself and one that - unlike finishing a book or reviewing a specific number of items a year - will be an ongoing and lifelong objective rather than something you can check off a list on December 31st. Nice job!

BELIEVABILITY

The fact that you continually point your letter back toward God makes it clear that He's where you find your inspiration and your passion. Keep that in mind this year and look back on this letter whenever you start to feel frustrated or stuck!

FEASIBILITY

I think all of the material, defined goals you've set for yourself in this letter are feasible. Best of luck with them this year!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

438

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956521

Review of Dear Me - 2014

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Judge's Review

Hi JACE

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really liked the fact that your letter was more of a conversation than a formal letter. I think choosing to write your "Dear Me" entry in this fashion made it stand out from all the other entries that were more traditionally-written correspondence. Nice job!

BELIEVABILITY

I think the way you've presented this letter is realistic and encouraging. I can definitely see you looking back on it throughout the year when you need some additional motivation or even just to check in and see how your progress is going.

FEASIBILITY

Knowing how busy you are with everything else in your life, I think you've set some pretty high goals for yourself this year. But I also happen to know that you're dedicated, hard working, and honor your commitments, so I don't think you're going to have any problem putting a check mark next to each of these goals in December 2014.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

None that I could find.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

439

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956519

Review of Dear Me

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Judge's Review

Hi drifter

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I think you did a great job of balancing your goals for 2014 with your various needs (spiritual, physical, mental, etc.). You provided a lot of great background so the reader gets some insight as to why these particular goals are important for you at this point in your life.

BELIEVABILITY

Your writing has an honesty and an openness to it that I think is refreshing and will, hopefully, be a source of inspiration and motivation to you should you re-read this letter during the more trying times in the year ahead.

FEASIBILITY

Overall, I think all of your goals are entirely feasible and realistic. Good luck with them!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

Just a couple minor technical errors:

"Buddy was out in the cold looking for a savior when my wife picked [him?] out of the middle of a busy intersection."

"As temperature[s] spiral down into negative digits..."

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

440

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3956514

Review of Dear Me

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Judge's Review

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I liked the list of goals you created for yourself, particularly the fact that they're varied and tackle different aspects of your life and experiences here on Writing.com. I was, however, hoping for a little more detail about your goals, especially the United in Our Grief group you want to create. Some extra detail about the group (e.g. what it's being created for, what you hope to accomplish with it, etc.) would balance out with the specific logistical goals and give the reader a clearer idea about why it's important that you accomplish that particular task this year.

BELIEVABILITY

I thought you did a good job creating sincere goals for yourself, and organizing them into an easy-to-follow arrangement that allowed you to give an overview of all of them, then talk a little more specifically about each of them. Nice work!

FEASIBILITY

No problems here; the goals you created were easy to understand and certainly capable of being accomplished, although I think 2,000 words per day without fail is one heck of an undertaking!

SPELLING/GRAMMAR

Only one typo that I noticed: "In January, I will study how to sit [set] up the group and write the Mission Statement by January 31, 2014."

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

441

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3938576

Review of Relationship Warranty

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Medz

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

This was a fun, humorous article. I love the idea of a relationship warranty and think it's a very insightful observation to compare the "honeymoon period" of a relationship with the warranty of a product. Sometimes they last far past the warranty expiration date and, well, sometimes you're stuck with something that's run down or broken just after the point at which you can't really do anything about it.

I do have a couple of suggestions. I think the iPad comment was a bit random because it didn't come back or pay off later in the article. It seemed like you were trying to also add a commentary about how we're easily attracted by the newest, latest, and greatest even though what we have is perfectly fine... but that thought didn't really find its way into the rest of the piece and as a result left that single paragraph feeling a little out of place. Also, I think you lost a bit of the narrative thread where relationships are like warranties when the article got to the part about no one liking a happy couple and that you can spend your time wandering from one night stand to one night stand because there isn't really a warranty-related analogue to compare it to.

Other than that, though, I thought this was a fun and entertaining article and it would be my pleasure to feature it in the next (January 8, 2014) issue of the official Comedy Newsletter!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

442

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3938570

Review of The Santa Experience

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hi Rare222

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

This was an amusing list of insights and questions about the nature of Santa Claus. Overall, I thought it was entertaining, but was a little thrown by some of the assumptions made in a few of the items, such as that the elves are made to work 364 days a year, or that Santa wears the same wardrobe year-round. For me, those kind of assumptions undercut the humor in the piece because they immediately make a reader think, "That might not be true at all!" I think you've got a lot of great points on your list and think that taking out the more presumptive ones would make it an even stronger (and funnier) piece of writing.

All that said, it was a great read and it would be my pleasure to feature this item in the next issue (January 8, 2014) of the official Comedy Newsletter!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

443

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3938563

Review of The Facebook Prayer

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Dean

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I thought this was a great short poem, and a very amusing take on the Lord's Prayer as it would surely apply to social media.

Overall, I don't really have any suggestions for improvement, but it would be my pleasure to feature this review in the next (January 8, 2014) issue of the official Comedy Newsletter!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

444

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3938559

Review of First Fool

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Writer_Mike

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

This was a fun story to read. I always love a good prank story, especially one where the alpha prankster gets upstaged.

I was hoping that there would be a little more information about what made Stan such a dominant prankster in the first place (perhaps some references to his more memorable exploits) and I was a little confused at the end as to what the elaborate prank from Roger, Kevin, and Cal was supposed to accomplish (just to show him on a webcam being blasted with music and a strobe light). I think some rewriting with both of those aspects in mind would help round out the piece a little more, but as-is, I think it's a great start to an effective and entertaining prank story!

It would be my pleasure to feature this item in the next issue (January 8, 2014) of the official Comedy Newsletter!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

445

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3937777

Review of 30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Emily

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

This looks like a really great activity, and I'm looking forward to participating for the first time in January!

Overall, I think you did an excellent job with the forum; everything is clearly laid out and easy to follow along with, particularly the instructions for signing up, how the contest will be carried out, and how it will be judged. I think the prizes are impressive and - in looking through past rounds - the prompts seem entertaining and interesting.

I'm particularly impressed with the fact that you've come up with a way to generate prompts by asking each entrant to send three along with their signup. After having just had to come up with thirty-one prompts myself for "Blog Harbor from The Talent Pond"

's own January blogging activity, I'm exhausted! It's a fantastic idea to have the contestants themselves each provide a few ideas that you can draw from.

All in all, this is an excellent activity and I'm greatly looking forward to participating!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

446

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3936359

Review of When you understand you can't go back ho

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi cmmacneil

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group"

for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I thought this was a very moving piece of writing with some great observations in it. The idea that the "home" you knew as a child will one day not feel like much of a home at all is a powerful and familiar one. While not everyone experiences the feeling in such an intense way, it's an important moment in many people's lives when they realize that the experience of being "home" is no longer where they used to live or where they grew up, but rather where they are now.

I was a little confused toward the end of the piece... you mention that you were with your older sister when she passed away and that she was the last of your ten brothers and sisters to pass on (in January 2008), but then you jump back in time and talk about how you ran into your father in the late 80s and only learned of his death almost two decades later from your sister. Because the chronology is out of order, it required re-reading to get the timing right. I would suggest moving the part about seeing your father into it's natural order in the chronology of the story so that readers don't trip over the timing of things. I also think the fact that you're the lone survivor among twelve family members needs some clarification as well... that's an extraordinary loss of family members and I think some additional detail (i.e. were they lost to illness, violence, accident, etc.) about at least some of them would help the reader put your experience in even greater context.

Finally, I just wanted to make a note that the "E" rating isn't quite appropriate for this work. Based on the references to drug/alcohol use, the sexual promiscuity of a minor, and homophobia, this item would be more appropriately rating for mature audiences. All that said, though, I thought this was a really powerful piece of writing and, as stated above, I think the concept of reaching that point where the home you knew is no longer the place you consider home is - under any circumstances - a pivotal moment in many people's lives.

Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

447

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3906861

Review of Billy

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hi billwilcox -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I thought this was a great story. It was well-written, exciting, and really captured the flair of a western story. I was a little confused in the end about whether Harley and his friends were just cheating card players or if they were specifically there to find Billy; at first it seemed like the former, but the end of the story made it seem like they were there to find him, in which case the ruse of the card game felt a little over-elaborate. Other than that, though, I thought this was a very fun and entertaining story. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

448

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3906858

Review of More Questions Than Answers

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hi Kenzie

-

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I really enjoyed this thought-provoking item. I think the two questions you asked at the end are really interesting and, while I don't have the answers either and don't pretend to know how God interprets those situations, I have to think that He probably weighs individuals on their own merits... so if a husband or wife balks on the financing tithing but the spouse is still generous with her time and talents, I have to believe that a kind God would still bless the person who is giving as much of themselves as they can given their circumstances.

I thought this was a well-written article that really forces the reader to ask some questions of him or herself. Good job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

449

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3906856

Review of Bus Stop

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hi Roscoe

-

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I really liked the way you were able to infuse dialect and cadence of speech in your primary speaker's dialogue. It was nice to see a distinct pattern of speech being presented. I did think the conversation was a little one-sided with the other party merely there to propel the main speaker into another longer near-monologue... but the main speaker was very compelling with his words. All in all, I thought this was a solid Dialogue 500 entry. Nice job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

450

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3906853

Review of The Dangers of Cosmetic Surgery!

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hi Donni De-Ville

-

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

This was an interesting item with a good moral at the end. I definitely think that you make great points in the latter part of the article about only using cosmetic surgery as a last resort and that the dangers can sometimes outweigh the benefits of having elective surgery.

I was a little confused, though, at how your personal story fit into this moral. Earlier in the article, you talk about your weight problems and multiple surgeries to keep your weight down and their mixed results. I was hoping for a little more to tie your experiences into the advice you ultimately give at the end. Do you regret your surgeries? Were they a last resort for you? If you could do it all over again, would you?

I think it's important to make that connection, since you clearly have direct experience with the topic you're giving advice about. I would suggest trying to connect the dots between the advice and your own experiences a little more, so that readers truly understand where you're coming from and how your experiences have informed your current opinions about cosmetic surgery.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .