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4,636 Public Reviews Given
4,765 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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476
476
Review of "A Day"  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I caught this item via Random Read and just wanted to say that I think you did a great job with it. It was well-written, eloquent, and really got your point across well. I could see this being a daily prayer or mantra. Thanks so much for sharing your work with the Writing.com community! *Bigsmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
477
477
Review of FOCUS  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews.


Hello BEAR

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window. activity.

Overall, I really like the style and presentation of this poem. It was concise, evocative, and flowed really well. The only slight criticism I have is that some of the rhyming couplets didn't quite rhyme perfectly (town/around in the third stanza, and crowd/woods and corner/sure in the sixth stanza), or had a singular/plural conflict, but those were relatively minor quibbles with an otherwise enjoyable poem that really got its point across effectively. Nice work!

I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
478
478
Review of Mutiny  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews.


Hello Anni Pon

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window. activity.


*Writing* Positives

I thought this poem was really creative; I love the idea of comparing body parts to the crew of a ship, and a mutinous crew at that! The structure of the rhyme scheme also kept the pacing of the poem moving briskly through all 48 lines.


*Writing* Suggestions

I can't think of any significant suggestions for improvement.


*Writing* Overall

This was a really creative and fun poem to read. Nicely done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
479
479
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews.


Hello Adore lol♥

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window. activity.


*Writing* Positives

This was a fun, breezy poem written for the site's 22nd birthday. I like the simplicity of the piece, and I'm not sure whether it was intentional or not, but it seemed to follow the general cadence of the "Happy Birthday" song, which I thought was a really enjoyable little detail.


*Writing* Suggestions

The rhyme scheme doesn't always match. In each of the first two stanzas, the rhyme scheme is AAB, AAB... but in the third stanza it's ABC ("roared" and "floors" don't rhyme the first two lines like in the previous stanzas)... and in the fourth stanza it's AAA (all three lines rhyme). As a result, it was a little difficult to settle into a consistent cadence or pace when reading.


*Writing* Overall

As a whole, this was a simple and entertaining poem celebrating a birthday milestone for the community. I think there's room for improvement, especially with clarifying the structure and whether the deviations in the later stanzas was intentional, but otherwise I very much enjoyed the read. *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
480
480
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Musicology Banner


Hello Dawn Embers

Thank you for taking the time to enter "Musicology Anthology" Open in new Window. in 2023! Enclosed please find the following official judges' review, for your consideration.


Unfortunately, this entry was incomplete with only nine of the twelve entries completed, but I enjoyed reading the stories that you did finish.

I'm enclosing some GPs in acknowledgement of the effort you put into this entry. I'd love to see you come back and participate again in 2024!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
481
481
Review of Musings...  Open in new Window.
for entry "A stairway to nowhere" Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)


Hello Gaby

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..


Positives

My turn to return the favor with a "Hook of the Book" Open in new Window. entry review! I really like the fact that you went more abstract with your choice. Most people chose a more specific, material interpretation of the prompt and I think it's really to your benefit that you went in the other direction and will stand out for doing so. I also like the slightly ominous note that you ended the hook on.


Suggestions

I think the "it's all about perspective" opener is actually unnecessary; to me it's even more effective if you just get right into the imagery of light and darkness colliding and there being something in the void that we can't quite see. It adds to the abstract, mysterious tone of the piece to not have that qualifier at the very top of the piece.


Overall

I really enjoyed this entry into the "Hook of the Book" Open in new Window. challenge. It's intriguing and definitely would make me want to read more of the book that it was the opener for! *Bigsmile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
482
482
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..


Positives

I enjoyed the pacing and structure of the poem. I thought the choice of poetic form was a good complement to the subject matter, and it was a light, fun poem to read.


Suggestions

My only real (minor) quibble with this piece was that it took me a couple times reading the poem to find the answer to the prompt (i.e., why the gum is popular and what the side effects are), so I think that could have been highlighted a little better... as it is, it was difficult to tell whether the "flying into the air by blowing bubbles" was meant to be taken literally (as a feature of the gum) or figuratively (as merely aspirational and/or imaginary).


Overall

I enjoyed this entry a lot, and thought it was a great take on the prompt. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
483
483
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Hello ruwth

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..


Positives

I had no idea I was going to be reviewing a poem inspired by one of my own poems! How cool! *Cool* I really liked your take on the form, and thought you did a great job with the imagery and structure of the piece.


Suggestions

No suggestions for improvement, I think you did a really good job!


Overall

I think your choice of poetic form for this piece was excellent; the repetition and format really helped accentuate your message (which definitely bears repeating!). I thought the piece was well constructed and well presented. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
484
484
Review of Musings...  Open in new Window.
for entry "Say yes..." Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Hello Gaby

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..


Positives

I really enjoyed this conversation about a future bride and groom getting cold feet. The interactions were realistic and engaging, and you did a great job of telling a story that continually moved along and progressed using only dialogue, which is not something that's easy to do!


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this entry. I thought you did a great job with the prompt and the entry kept my interest from beginning to end. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
485
485
Review of How?  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)


Hello No Sox with Sandals

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..


Positives

I thought this was a really creative vignette. It definitely piqued my interest and kept me wondering what was going to happen throughout. I also really likes some of your turns of phrase; "He floated in the embryonic glow of eternity" was a particular vibrant and well-written line to end on.


Suggestions

There were a couple of phrases that didn't quite connect for me. Particularly toward the middle of the vignette, the sentence, "We could have gone Luddied on them and everything else chasing us down the road to Armageddon. No, we had to have our YouTube, our Facebook, our Amazon two-day shipping." I think it would have been helpful to have a little more context so the reader can connect the dots between modern technology and what is happening in the story. How did social media and YouTube and Amazon two-day shipping get us to the point we're at in the story.


Overall

Overall, I enjoyed the vignette and thought you did a really good job with it. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
486
486
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)


Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..


Positives

I really liked the premise and the style of the story; it read like a classic tale of a mysterious stranger rolling into town and disrupting the status quo. I also enjoyed the fact that Dr. Carlini at first seems like a typical snake oil salesman, but it turns out the remedy he's offering actually does have an effect on the townspeople.


Suggestions

It was a little unclear what the "anti-adhesive" actually does. Is it some sort of aging serum? The effects of the three characters who take it are all a bit different, and a little clarity by the end of the story about what it does, specifically, would have helped a bit.

I also think that the townspeople far too easily agreed to take the serum. In the early part of the story, convincing two children to try it seemed plausible, but then the reverend also follows suit without question (even though he finds Dr. Carlini highly suspicious), and the two kids who took the serum and had undesirable effects allowed Dr. Carlini to take them to a private location and give them more of the serum without any kind of doubt, suspicion, or pushback.


Overall

I think this story has a ton of potential. I was interested in the characters and it was technically well-written. I think there are definitely opportunities to clarify what the serum does and for Dr. Carlini to have to work a little harder to convince the other characters to try his mystery substance, but otherwise I found the story really entertaining and enjoyable to read. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
487
487
Review of Flaming News  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello PureSciFiPlus

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

The scenes themselves were interesting and engaging.


Suggestions

I didn't quite follow the opening scene where Thomas Crane was reading a paper that was literally on fire, but then continued to read his newspaper as if it was no big deal. It also felt like there were a few too many characters and subplots to keep track of for a story of this brevity; it was difficult to piece together a common throughline or theme with the narrative jumping around so much.


Overall

All the work put into developing so many different vignettes was really impressive, but ultimately that's what this story felt like... a collection of vignettes more than a cohesive short story based on the prompt. Still, it was an enjoyable read. *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
488
488
Review of Ignatius Pyre  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Beholden

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I thought this story had great characterization, a compelling story, and a good take on the prompt.


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this contest entry. I thought it was well written, compelling, and very entertaining. Nicely done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
489
489
Review of A Burning Matter  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello LightinMind

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

Good use of narrative details.


Suggestions

The image prompt didn't seem to be utilized in any significant way.

Ralph's actions felt like a stretch. While there was certainly groundwork laid for taking extreme action (losing his job, the judgement of his community, etc.), there wasn't a clear progression of the character's desperation that showed his increasing isolation and extremism from a down-on-his-luck guy who lost his job to a mass murderer. It felt almost like he just cooly and calmly decided on a whim to carry out a shooting on the congregation at his church, which felt inauthentic to what had previously been established about his character.


Overall

Overall, I had a difficult time getting into this story. While I don't mind stories about difficult subject matter and risque/incendiary topics, it felt like the church shooting (and specifically the choice to describe the shooting of a pregnant woman in the stomach) was more performative in nature than authentic to the character and his situation. It felt like this story was trying a little too hard to be edgy and push boundaries that didn't have effective setups to maximize the payoff.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
490
490
Review of The Will  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
~~Image ID# 1221635's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Espero

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I like this take on the prompt and thought you did a good job with the narrative. The characters were compelling throughout.


Suggestions

The dialogue read as a bit stiff and overly formal. Given how much of this story is driven by conversation, it affected the pace of the read and the realism of the characters to have the dialogue overly formalized.


Overall

As a whole, I enjoyed this entry and thought you did a good job with it. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
491
491
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Damon Nomad

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I really enjoyed this take on the prompt. Sutton was well developed and interesting, and the chemistry/alchemy background was interesting.


Suggestions

There were a number of points where the story switched character point of view quickly and it was a bit jarring. I also found the ending with the momentary tension of a police officer showing up got too easily diffused by him suddenly asking for a glass of brandy. I would have really liked to have seen that tension play out in a bit more satisfying of a way.


Overall

While there is some room for improvement, this was a really enjoyable standout take on the prompt. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
492
492
Review of Burning issue  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Sumojo

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I really enjoyed the detailed description in this story. The narrative was engaging and I particularly liked the ending which wrapped things up nicely.


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

I thought this was a solid entry that was a fun read and a good take on the prompt.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
493
493
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello super sleuth

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

Great use of detail and description. In comparatively few words, you were able to paint a vibrant, clear picture of the setting and action in the story. I was also intrigued by the world you created with both vampires and wizards, seeming to be in competition for one another in some way. The story definitely made me want to know more about this world!


Suggestions

I'm a little unclear on the details of the story. Devin is imprisoned in a location and it's mentioned that "a wooden bucket, emptied daily allowed him his only relief," but then moments later the story says he had no one that could answer his questions. He also seems to have been imprisoned with a magical book?

The circumstances at the end of the story were a bit murky too. It seems that Devin died one day after reading his own obituary in the newspaper, which then caught on fire and burned his hands. The story infers that he woke up a vampire, and once he touches the book, his hand was suddenly missing again (although he had previously used it to make scratches in the tabletop to signify the passing days.


Overall

Overall, I think the story was paced nicely and has a lot of potential with the worldbuilding and the particular response to the prompt. There are quite a few open questions about the execution of the story, though. It feels like a solid first draft in need of some revising... but definitely a first draft with a lot of potential.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
494
494
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Graywriter

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I like the gothic elements of the story, as well as the incorporation of bits of Egyptian mythology into the legend. The overall effect was one of a well-considered and developed backstory. I also thought you did a great job with the character of d'Auteur and infusing him with just enough quirks and traits to make him seem fully-fleshed out and believable.


Suggestions

The middle part of the story with the details of the manuscript slowed down the pace of the read a bit. With such a short piece, pacing is critical and there was a hint of a lag in the middle when the backstory took center stage between the time that d'Auteur acquired the manuscript and took action with it.


Overall

Overall, I enjoyed this take on the prompt and thought you came up with a solid, well-established story. Nice job! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
495
495
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)


Hello Sumojo

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..


Positives

I enjoyed the personal anecdote at the end of this entry. It was nice to juxtapose the history and general facts about wool with a way that it's connected to you, the author, in a more personal way. Nice job!


Suggestions

The timing in the first paragraph is a little unclear. It's stated that "for a century, the wool industry gave Australia one of the highest living standards in the world," but that piece of information is sandwiched between an opening that describes the first shear appearing in the Iron Age (which ended in approximately 550 BC), and a statement that wool was synonymous with the Australian way of life by the 1950s. So was that century of Australians having the highest living standards in the world from 1850 to 1950? Or some other 100-year period between 550 BC and 1850 AD?


Overall

I thought the piece was informative and did a good job of covering the prompt. And hat's off to you for finding a way to explore these prompts; I was going to compete in "Journalistic Intentions" Open in new Window. this month, but one-word fashion prompts are definitely not my thing! *Bigsmile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
496
496
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Musicology Banner


Hello Soldier_Mike

Thank you for taking the time to enter "Musicology Anthology" Open in new Window. in 2022! Enclosed please find the following official judges' review, for your consideration. I reviewed select stories from your entry.


*Penw* Bridge Over Troubled Water

I like the overall structure of this story, but at under 500 words, it reads a little bit like an "info dump" where one character is just downloading a whole bunch of information to the audience via a secondary character. This creates a bit of a lack of conflict in the story since there are no stakes; it's just a recounting of what's already happened. I would have loved to have seen the backstory spread out a little more so it wasn't just one character essentially saying, "uh huh, go on" when the narrator character needed a pause, but the actual backstory itself was compelling and I think there's a lot of potential for a larger, more developed story in here.


*Penw* El Condor Pasa

Steve is definitely a compelling character as the reader watches his backstory unfold. There's a sense that he's a fully-realized character with plenty of past experiences to draw from, but the dynamics of this story suffer from the same issues as the last one, where there's not really much conflict because it's a character sitting in the bar, essentially recounting his biography to an audience.


*Penw* Cecilia

I like that this entry is starting to explore the world of the bar a little more. The fact that it's not just a one-to-one exchange between a character conveying information to another character and instead expands on the other characters and the environment of the bar is helping to build this into a really compelling continued narrative. Nice job!


*Penw* Keep The Customer Satisfied

This was a fun, entertaining vignette and I liked the historical tie ins and the information about the drinks, but it felt like this didn't have a lot of connection to the larger narrative you're building. It read a little bit like a "bottle episode" from a television series (like a Halloween or Christmas episode) where it's not part of the regular season arc, but sends the characters on a little side quest along the way. Nothing wrong with that, of course, just an observation. *Smile*


*Penw* So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright

As a Frank Lloyd Wright fan (and fan of architecture in general), this was the story I was most looking forward to reading. I enjoyed the debate about modern architecture and its drawbacks.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed your entry and thought you did a great job coming up with different ideas for stories based on the songs in the album. It was a pleasure to read!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
497
497
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)


Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven " Open in new Window..

*Penw* Positives

I really enjoyed the ending to this piece. I thought the over the top comedic overture at the very end after a somewhat understated conversation really helped the humor of the story stand out. I also liked the rapid-paced back and forth of the conversation between Dr. Lund and Jenkins.

*Penw* Suggestions

I'm a little unclear about the detail where "the only way was to cut off pieces of a human until the human would eventually die" and the fact that, right after that, Lund confirmed that Dr. Van Dorn decided "to use himself" for his experiment. Is the suggestion that Dr. Van Dorn literally killed himself to grow a fungus on the plant in furtherance of an argument that pizza with mushrooms on it is better? That aspect of the story was a little confusing and hard to understand.

*Penw* Overall

Overall, this was a fun story with interesting characters having a really bizarre debate. I enjoyed it. *Smile*

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Jeff Author Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


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498
498
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello 💙 Carly: poems & novel

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window..


*Penw* Positives

There's some great advice in here about how to keep your creative spark going. Advice that I've used in the past and, if I'm being honest, really need to use for myself more often than I do. *Bigsmile*


*Penw* Suggestions

I noticed a typo in one of your headers: Assess how you're feeling.

Also, it feels like "You May Be Due For An Artist Date" should be bolded as a separate heading rather than lumped under "Take A Nap." I feel like the concept of an Artist Date is a different thing that is intriguing enough on its own that it would benefit from its own section and a little more explanation.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, this was a solid piece full of great advice for writers. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
499
499
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hello 💙 Carly: poems & novel

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window..


*Penw* Positives

You did an amazing job describing the sights and sounds of New York, and really capturing that overwhelmed feeling the first time you set foot in the city. I still remember my first visit there, and exiting a subway station and having to take a moment to get your bearings and figure out which direction to head in while people all around you constantly push by. The feeling of the city rang very true, and your description and detail was excellent.


*Penw* Suggestions

I know this is for the OctoPrep Settings Description Contest so I focused mostly on those details rather than character development and other elements, since that was presumably the challenge. There are larger questions of these characters' backstories and the overall narrative, but I'm just looking at this piece in terms of a setting description assignment rather than a fully fleshed-out short story. *Smile*


*Penw* Overall

I think you did an excellent job with this assignment. The setting description came through clearly and effectively and really made me feel like I was in New York again. *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
500
500
Review of Autumn's Approach  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hello Detective

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window..


*Penw* Positives

I really loved the imagery of this piece. My favorite season is autumn, and this poem evoked a lot of the things I love best about this season, from the sights to the smells to the feelings. You did a great job of using a lot of sensory input in this poem to make it come alive on the page (or screen, as the case may be).


*Penw* Suggestions

The stanza with the apples felt a bit repetitive, having used the word "apples" in all three lines. Even taking the word "apple" out of the second line (so that it reads "for homemade pie and cider") would go a long way toward helping avoid some of the most repetitive parts of this poem.

The first stanza also threw me for a bit because it includes both a description of morning and evening simultaneously. The other stanzas paint a moment in time while this one (and the line "the days grow shorter, and the nights grow longer") describe a span of time. The juxtaposition of those two sentiments caused me to pause as I was reading, and I wonder if it might be more effective to keep all the stanzas in the same "moment in time" style to paint a clearer picture.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and all the feelings and emotions it evoked. It made me look forward to the season change coming up! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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