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4,263 Public Reviews Given
4,392 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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576
576
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi tYpO/T.Boilerman -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I think the graphics are great and the text is easy to follow and understand. It's very clear what this group is about, and that's all you can ask for in a group item. *Smile*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I would recommend putting links in the group item to the Pressure Valve contest and Boiler Room Forum. Theoretically, you're providing a link to the main group page when you advertise, promote the group, link in a post so people can sign up, etc. I usually find that it's very effective to therefore use the group item as an index or directory of all the group activities, so they can be found and explored in one easy-to-find place (which also happens to be the place that people go to check out the group if they haven't seen it before). Check out the Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group's main page for an example: "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I'm thrilled that you created this group for WdC. I can't wait to start my entry for the contest and I look forward to seeing what else you come up with in the future! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

A review signature for Talent Pond members.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
577
577
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hi Wordwing -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Rising Stars Member-to-Member review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I saw this item posted over at the "Invalid Item"  and wanted to include it as one of my three member-to-member reviews this month. I enjoyed the overall setup of this story; I think that as a young adult novel, it's got a lot of potential to really create a new and exciting world for younger readers to explore and fall in love with. You've got the sense of mystery and excitement, the unique mythology, and - most importantly - a central character that your audience can identify with.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I would recommend revising the reactions of Darius and Verian in the opening scene. There were quite a few places where they were described as grinning at one another, making clever remarks, and talking about casual matters. While I think that the relationship is effective character development overall, I think that given the circumstances (i.e. a very serious, dangerous set of circumstances) the tone feels a little off, and would recommend that both characters - for the purposes of this scene - be a little grave in their demeanor.

         *Bullet* This is more of a technical issue, but I noticed that your item is listed as a "Static Item - Other." Since this is a work in progress, I would recommend changing the "other" to "draft" so that people know it's still being worked on, rather than a finished product. Clarifying that could help avoid an inadvertent lower rating because someone thought it was supposed to be complete and thought it seemed unfinished in its current form. *Wink*


OVERALL COMMENTS

Overall, I really enjoyed the setup for this story. I think you did a great job with the characters and setting the scene for a larger drama to play out, and I think you've got it geared effectively toward your audience. It seems like you're definitely on the right track. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

** Image ID #1533813 Unavailable **



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
578
578
Review of love in detox  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

Hi JamieLynn -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Rising Stars Member-to-Member review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I found this item through the "Invalid Item"  forum and thought I would include it as one of my three member-to-member reviews this month. Overall, I thought you did an excellent job with the emotional aspects of this remembrance. It's clear how strongly you felt the impact of this individual, and how much he means to you. You also did a great job painting a clear picture of the relationship; what it was, how it worked, and what was special about it.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Overall, I really didn't get a sense of who Jonathan James Curtain was as a person. It's clear how much of an impact (and what kind of impact) he had on you/the narrator, but since so much of the piece is "telling" what he meant rather than "showing" his character through description and moments, it was hard to really connect with Jonathan and understand what made him so unique.

         *Bullet* I would suggest quoting (or at least citing) the reference to Edgar Allan Poe's classic poem "Annabel Lee," just to avoid any potential confusion about whether that's original to you, or borrowed from another source.

         *Bullet* I noticed in your description on the Rising Stars Review Request page that you name the individual: Jonathan James Curtain, and the dates of his birth and his death... but that information isn't mentioned anywhere in the piece itself. I would recommend including that information so that a reader who happens upon this piece in your port (or somewhere other than the Review Request forum) knows who this piece of writing is all about. *Smile*


OVERALL COMMENTS

Overall, I think you did a good job with this piece. I thought it was filled with emotion, engaging, and was a really touching tribute for a friend of yours that's now departed. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

** Image ID #1639657 Unavailable **



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
579
579
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a great poll! And I love the fact that you separated out Twilight Vampires from regular vampires. *Laugh*. I'm a fan of almost all of these creatures, but I voted for vampires because they've always held my fascination, particularly with the sheer variety and number of different legends about them.
580
580
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think this is a much better set of names for your heroine. I picked Aurora because I think it's got the best blend of classical and modern elements; it feels fresh and interesting. I think Lexine is interesting too... Ambrosia feels a little too dated, and Miranda and Rebecca are a little too modern without the classical undertones. Mercedes is a good choice as well... but my vote is for Aurora.

Great poll!
581
581
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
I voted for "other" because, honestly, a lot of the names seemed a little stereotypical of other vampire fiction. Stephen (Stefan) and Damon are names of vampires from The Vampire Diaries; Julian is a vampire from Vampire: The Masquerade.... for mystical and yet contemporary, I would recommend taking a name from mythology. Since they're rising in popularity lately, a name like Apollo, or Perseus (Percy), or Orion could give you that classical and yet fresh and modern twist that you're looking for.

Hope this helps. *Smile*
582
582
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Interesting poll. A couple of suggestions: I would consider dividing A-cup and B-cup into separate categories and maybe combining E-H cups... just based on the statistical makeup of average breast cup size, I think that A and B individually are probably more common than anything of the extra-large variety... so I think you could safely have your options be A, B, C, D, DD, and "larger than DD."

Additionally, I would recommend an option for "it depends" or "other." Since cup size isn't always the sole factor in determining how large breasts appear (e.g. a C-cup on a woman who's 5'2" could actually appear larger than a DD-cup on a woman who's 6'2" ... and body type also has a considerable effect on their appearance), I think an option or two to account for that would be helpful.

Ideally, it might even be more effective to have a poll about relative breast size (i.e. small breasts, medium or average sized breasts. large breasts, huge breasts, etc.). That way, it would be the appearance (not the cup size) that's emphasized.

Anyway, hope this helps. Interesting poll!
583
583
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think you organized this poll very well, giving people a variety and complete set of options from which to choose. I personally voted for "depends on the poem" because, while I always grew up thinking that poetry had to rhyme... and although my preference is for rhyming poetry... I''ve also read some amazing poems with no rhyme scheme that - quite frankly - kinda busted that myth for me. *Wink*

Interesting poll!
584
584
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think that this poll is well organized, and particularly like the fact that you included an option for "other" and a request to email you. There are often polls that don't take into account that sometimes the preferred choice is not always listed as one of the options. *Wink* Personally, I voted for "humor" because - for me - I like a mate who knows how to have fun and doesn't take life too seriously. Then again, that's just me. *Smile*

Great poll!
585
585
Review of If You Look  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi J.W. Knight -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I loved the imagination that went into this piece. I thought the settings were well-described and engaging, and there's clearly a broad story here that I think you're only just scratching the surface of revealing. *Wink*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Overall, I felt like the story was missing a bit of conflict and tension. Asa always seems in control, and always seems to know what she's doing. There's barely a moment where she's confused, conflicted, doubtful, etc. I think that infusing a little more conflict and tension into this story would improve the drama by leaps and bounds and make it even more compelling than it already is. *Smile*


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story and thought it was a great initial effort. I came across it surfing through the Mystery Genre items, and it would be a pleasure to feature it in the next issue of the Official Mystery Newsletter. *Bigsmile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Glittering Star SP Sig


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
586
586
Review of The Smile  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi dean -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* Very creative and engaging. I like the use of description and detail, and you created a compelling mystery in the receptionist that no one else can seem to remember. Good twist and the end; very well-executed.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I found myself hoping for a little more in Mona's character. Earlier in the story the narrator describes his character of Mona as a severe paranoid that ended up physically harming the protagonist of the story... and yet when the narrator meets Mona, she's sweet and perfectly normal. I would have loved for a little edge at the end of the story; a little glimmer of the paranoia and dangerousness that's lurking just underneath.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a well-written and compelling story. I came across it surfing through the Mystery Genre items, and it would be a pleasure to feature this piece in the next issue of the Official Mystery Newsletter. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Animated Penguin Simply Positive review signature


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
587
587
Review of Peace Alone  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi Elizabeth~Soon to Be~ -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I think you've got a good start here. This appears to be an unfinished piece, but you've done well setting up the details and description to create some really memorable characters.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I would suggest that, if this is indeed an introduction or a partially-finished draft, mentioning that by either changing the Item Type from "short story" to "draft," or making note that it's a work in progress in the title or somewhere in the body of the item. I mention this to avoid the potential of a reviewer accidentally assuming that the work is finished, and rating it lower without realize that it's a work in progress.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this item so far. I'd love to see how you finish it up. I came across this item surfing through the Mystery Genre, and I would love to feature this item in the next issue of the Official Mystery Newsletter so that you can receive additional feedback and support on the beginnings of this story. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Animated blue stars Simply Positive group signature.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
588
588
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi stokecity -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I thought the structure of this poem was excellent. I was particularly impressed with your ability to rhyme complex words and keep everything flowingly smoothly and elegantly.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* The only small suggestion for improvement is that I think you could take out the last line (the refrain that repeats the title). The poem has such a nice structure and simplicity to it, I think that last added line actually takes away from the impact of the last stanza, which - at least IMO - is a great way to end the poem.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an excellent poem and it was a pleasure to read. I stumbled across it in the Mystery Genre items, and I would love to feature this item in the next issue of the Official Mystery Newsletter. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Animated blue stars Simply Positive group signature.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
589
589
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi NickiD89 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Angel Army review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* Another great entry, Nicki! Piper is an amazing character that really comes to life on the page (screen). She's complex, unique, and interesting. I could easily see an entire story, novel, or series of books surrounding this captivating character.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Nothing at all. I couldn't find a single thing that I would change about this character sketch.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a magnificent job on this character sketch... completely deserving of your second consecutive Immunity Idol! Here's hoping that I can join in you Round 4 and wrestle it from your clutches! *Pthb* *Laugh*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Angel Army Signature 6


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
590
590
Review of Character sketch  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi Weirdone-Back in the games -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Angel Army review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I thought you did a really solid job developing Phil's personality. I feel like I got a good sense of how he would respond to a variety of situations, and the character is developed in a realistic, three-dimensional way. *Thumbsup*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I didn't really get a sense of Phil's story. I know his history and his personality and the important aspects of his life up to this point, but I was hoping for a goal or a plan for his life so the reader could understand and appreciate where Phil wants to go with his life.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a good entry. From one (hopeful) Survivor to another, good luck with Round 3!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Angel Army Signature 6


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
591
591
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi fyn -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Angel Army review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I thought this was an amazing character sketch. Lottie really came alive on the page... er, screen. She had such a rich background and defined personality; it was truly a pleasure to read about such a well-developed and compelling character.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Nothing. I absolutely loved this piece, as written.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Really, really great stuff. I was going to wish you luck on Round 3, from one (hopeful) Survivor to another, but with an entry like this, something tells me you're not going to need luck. *Wink*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Angel Army Signature 6


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
592
592
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* Really great take on the prompt. I love your "when in doubt, set it on a spaceship" philosophy to these Daily Flash Fiction Challenges, and this is a perfect example of what that's such a successful strategy. I thought this story was creative, compelling... and most certainly the worst experience of the narrator's life. At least, I hope it is. *Wink*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Nothing comes to mind. At just under 300 words, this story was concise, effective, and engaging. There's no wasted space at all, and nothing that I can think of in need of improvement.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

It's always a pleasure to visit your port, Jim. You've got a real knack for flash fiction and this story is a perfect example of that talent. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

A review signature for Talent Pond members.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
593
593
Review of The Feline  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hi Barefoot Bob -

The following is my official review as a judge for the Sinister Stories Contest, and I have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and while my decision for the contest judging is final, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

Overall, I liked the concept behind this story. I think you did a good job creating at atmosphere of suspense and drama, and your story had just the right amount of supernatural flair to it. Nicely done!


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The story didn't really address the prompt. While older items (I see this one was originally written in 2002) are certainly welcome, I didn't see how it related to the prompt of an April Fool's joke gone horribly wrong. *Frown*


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was an entertaining and well-presented horror story. It missed the prompt, so I can't award it any prizes, but I'm enclosing some GPs with this review to show my appreciation for you taking the time to enter the Sinister Stories contest in April. Thank you for your participation! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

A signature for Dark Society reviewers.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
594
594
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hi Daizy May -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* Wow, this is a really impressive story. I know from firsthand experience how difficult it is to write these super-short stories and I think you did a great job with this one. It was engaging, emotional and compelling... all in only 55 words! *Bigsmile*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I have no suggestions for improvement. You nailed this one.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really admire people who can take on the challenge of writing stories under incredibly restrictive guidelines... and I think you succeeded her with flying colors. Great job!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Animated Cool Penguin SP Sig.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
595
595
Review of "A Man Among Men"  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi piewhackett1 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I loved the sentiment behind this piece. I recently lost my grandfather and it sounds like they would have had a lot in common. I'm sorry for your loss, but I think this is a fitting and elegant tribute to someone who was so important in your life.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* The middle stanzas (3 & 4) break away a little from the A-A-B-B structure that you set up with the rest of your poem. The third stanza pluralizes the second and third lines, and the fourth stanza rhymes similar (but non-rhyming) words gentleman/them, and peace/sleep. I would recommend making those two stanzas consistent with the structure of the rest of the item. For example, you could write, "This man among men I am proud to say / Instilled in me his gentle, loving way."

         *Bullet* Just a couple of technical notes. In the second line of the first stanza, I think "whenever" should be one word... and in the first line of the last stanza, it should be "I found out too late."


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a great tribute to your father. Excellent writing and sentiment, with a good structure and sophisticated language. Well done!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Animated Tweety Simply Positive group sig.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
596
596
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi thrdeyeopen -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I liked the fact that your character's inheritance was something more substantive than money. I thought you did a really great job with the characters, the story, and the execution of this tale. Well done!


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Honestly, I can't think of anything that I would suggest to improve about this story. It's great just the way it is.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was an interesting, engaging and compelling story that I thought was a great read. Well done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

A review signature for Talent Pond members.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
597
597
Review of Jokule's Heir  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hi Than Pence -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I thought you did a particularly good job with the prompt for this story. While most people chose something tradition when it came to an inheritance, you were able to tell a story that took a different approach and still met the contest requirements. *Thumbsup*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I really can't think of anything that could be improved. The story was compelling, the characters were interesting, and it was very well written. *Smile*


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an excellent entry. Well done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

A review signature for Talent Pond members.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
598
598
Review of All for Me?  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

Hi Vivian -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* I thought the sentiment behind this item was spot on, and a great exploration of the prompt. It's remarkable how many more friends you suddenly have when you're wealthy. *Wink*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Just one small typo, in the fifth line: "which I climbed and slid down the side."

         *Bullet* I was a little confused by the last line. The beginning mentions than an evil genie heard your narrator's wishes for wealth and made it suddenly appear, but the last line asks why Uncle John left the narrator all his loot. If John was the "evil genie," why did he decide to give away his money to the narrator? For what sinister purpose? I was just hoping for a little more clarity on that issue.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a fun and entertaining poem. Nice job!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

A review signature for Talent Pond members.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
599
599
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hi MoralityKid -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* Excellent characterization. I thought you did a great job bringing these characters to life on the page. They were each vibrant and unique in their own way.

         *Bullet* Great use of detail and description. The story was rich and layered with excellent description that really made this story a joy to read.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* Nothing whatsoever.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a great item. Just like your first chapter, I enjoyed the depth and nuance of the narrative. Well done! *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Animated Simply Positive Moon Signature


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
600
600
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)

Hi shubhajeet -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

         *Bullet* It's really been a pleasure to read your political philosophy pieces and your advocacy for e-democracy. It's not often that someone has a clear, progressive political opinion that they're willing to share, and I think you've done a great job presenting your views and suggestions for where we - as a society - can go to move forward and integrate our increasing reliance on social networking and media with our necessary processes such as governance and electing officials. *Thumbsup*


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

         *Bullet* I wanted to bring up one issue in particularly, which are your bullet points under e-democracy. Specifically, you mention that "all people are equal" under e-democracy... but do you really think that's the case? In a world that finds itself more and more inundated with integrated marketing, where candidates themselves are brands, do you really believe that everyone will be equal when the wealthy or those with ready access to resources can buy more advertising space and outspend their competition? Every person may have a vote with e-democracy, but will that really equalize the candidates when so much of a campaign is based around building (or destroying) a reputation through marketing?

         *Bullet* Additionally, how does e-democracy provide for the basic needs of all? Assuming that popular opinion prevails, would e-democracy have methods in place to prevent discrimination against a particular ethnicity, religious group, people of a particular sexual orientation, or any minority? Couldn't a popular vote (at the local, state or federal level) actually create unequal citizens since it's based on a simple popular majority?


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, as I've mentioned before, I think this is a fascinating concept that really does merit serious consideration and thought. You've done a great job setting the stage for what could be a very compelling political philosophical debate. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED" 

Glittering Star SP Sig


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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