Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,263 Public Reviews Given

4,392 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

701

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#3402915

Review of Sold!

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, my name is Jeff

and I'll be judging your entry for the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Great story! Excellent tone, effective narrative, engaging character... and a clever twist at the end. Very well done... congratulations on being the winner of the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! Your winning Gift Points are enclosed with this review.

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- Jeff

702

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#3402912

Review of Goth Wedding

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, my name is Jeff

and I'll be judging your entry for the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Your ending was brilliant! I thought you came up with a unique take on the prompt, and you told an effective, engaging story in only 297 words. Nicely done!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- Jeff

703

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#3402358

Review of Daughters and Fathers

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff

and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

Great story. I loved the characters, and the setting was unique. Overall, a well written and enjoyable story. Nice job!

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff

704

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#3402355

Review of The Stuffed Fox

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff

and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

I really enjoyed your take on the prompt. I thought it was clever, engaging and exciting. Very well done... and congratulations on winning the 10/16 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! Your winning Gift Points are enclosed with this review.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff

705

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#3402350

Review of Making the Grade (1st Place)

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff

and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

I really enjoyed this story. I thought the ending was a great twist, and completely believable. Excellent work... and congratulations on winning the 10/15 round of the DFFC! Your winning GPs are enclosed with this review.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff

706

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#3402349

Review of Sarah Collins

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff

and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

Good characters, engaging story... all in all, I thought this was a fun read and an interesting piece. You did an excellent job with the dialogue, and moving the plot along with it.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff

707

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#3396901

Review of Take Your Son to Work

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi BIG BAD WOLF Happy July 4th!

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great, original concept.

Good use of three separate speaking parts in such a short span of time.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The dialogue was a little stiff. "Daddy" - in particular - when he says, "Right. Now where was I?" feels a little unnatural. I know this is just a short dialogue piece, but in the entire exchange, this is the only line where he's speaking to himself... and it's a very drawn-out process, with four total components (two back-and-forth). I would recommend trimming that down so it doesn't feel so out of place. Perhaps, "Okay. Now hand over the money or I'll--"

There needs to be a bigger build between when the officer shows up and makes the "take your son to work day" joke. Jokes work best when you build to a payoff, so a brief exchange with the father (or perhaps restructuring the dialogue so that the kid isn't seen until after the cop is on-scene) would help to payoff the line (which is very good) a little more effectively.

The ending was a bit unrealistic. Granted, this is all fiction (where a cop takes his son out on patrol, and a bank robber takes his son to rob a bank), but the good guy and bad guy agreeing to take their kids out to ice cream together and leaving it at that seemed a little unrealistic. Perhaps the cop says something like, "Sounds like a good idea to me. We've got mint chip down at the station." Or, "Sounds like a good idea to me. Just put the gun down and come on out here and we'll talk about it." I felt like the ending just needed something from the cop to make this scene ring a little more realistic.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a great job with this brief dialogue exchange. While there are some aspects to work on, the hardest thing with writing dialogue is to make it realistic and memorable. For the most part, the words themselves felt realistic, and you definitely created a memorable scene for your characters. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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708

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#3391475

Review of Ten Wishes for a Wedding (Contest)

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Madeleine Eblouie

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Well-written and engaging.

Good use of both mystery and fantasy genre elements.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The first wish was a little weak.

Starting the story at the end of her "ten years, ten wishes" narrative raises questions, upon finishing the story, about what those ten wishes over ten years were.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well-written, engaging, and had good characterization. I liked the structure, although I felt that the structure contributed in large part to what I thought was the story's weakest part, which were the wishes. The toughest part about "wish" stories is that you have to manage the reader's expectations. Wishes are one of those things where, if they're not really spectacular, the reader could potentially be turned off and think, "I would have wished for something better than that!"

In this case, I think the first wish (for a clean, pretty dress) was a little weak. Given that she could wish for anything in the world, a clean, pretty dress seemed a little... underwhelming. Similarly, since the beginning of the story is ten years later (presumably after the ten wishes have all been used up), I was - upon finishing the story and learning of the wishes she had been granted - wondering what those wishes had been and, although Marianne was happy at that point, couldn't figure out how her life had dramatically improved... as I suspect it should if someone was given the fantastical opportunity to have ten of their wishes granted.

All that said, however, it was an enjoyable story that had vibrant character and a great sense of style to the writing. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

709

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#3391469

Review of Checkmate

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi CB Lingo

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great twist at the end; the story was reminiscent (in a good way) of Lawrence Block's short stories, which always throw the reader for a loop at the end.

Good dialogue between Richard and Walter.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Repeated typo: "jewelery" should be "jewelry"

The fact that Richard downed the poison so readily somewhat gave away the ending. In order to keep the audience fooled for a little longer, I would try to adjust the narrative so perhaps he drinks the wine and then the talk of poisoning is discussed... or so that he has less of an option to drink it. As is, it feels a bit like he drank the poison on purpose with some ulterior motive in mind (which is exactly what ends up happening).

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really enjoyed this story. You had a great twist at the end, intriguing characters, and a minimal, but effective setup for their conversation. All in all, a well-told, enjoyable story. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

710

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#3389076

Review of Rich's un-named play for Hanzi

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Richard de Young

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Intriguing concept.

Well thought-out synopsis.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

More detail about Kasandra's character and her arc.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I know this is still in the planning/outlining stages of the play, but I think you're on the right track. You've got a clear concept for the work, and it seems to lend itself well to the stage. I think that with some additional outlining and focusing on Kasandra's character and the journey she takes throughout the play, this could be a really compelling piece. You're off to a good start.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

711

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#3389066

Review of Darkness

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Matt Prosser

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Intriguing concept.

Great imagery.

Effective and evocative.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

"All the nerve endings of your body begin to burn with passion..."

The item is listed as "poetry," but reads more like prose.

I was hoping for a little more explanation of why a piece about romance is titled "Darkness."

It sounded like the emotions and energy you were describing was more like lust or physical attraction, rather than the concept of romance.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed reading this item. I think it's interesting that your thoughts about romance are encapsulated in a piece titled and beginning with the concept of darkness, but I think you did a great job of capturing just what the physical sensations of romance entail. One might make the argument that what you're describing is more physical attraction or lust rather than romance... but I like the approach you took, and certainly agree with the sentiment that "existing in the moment is what it's all about." Nice job.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

712

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#3389039

Review of Apathy

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi romance_junkie

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Original concept.

Good use of description.

Effective characterization.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I was hoping for a little more explanation of why she would take on this kind of a client... and a little more reasoning behind why she decides (or is obligated to) continue providing the best possible defense for someone who isn't interested in helping themselves.

More details of the crime would help set the tone and really cement the antagonist in the readers' minds.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an effective story. It was well written, had a good tone/atmosphere to it, and you introduced your readers to two characters that felt realistic and complex. It was a very entertaining, satisfying read. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

713

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14 days may be credited.

#3388594

Review of The Climb

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi piewhackett1 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great imagery.

Good structure.

Well written.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing comes to mind.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a really touching, emotional piece of writing. The structure was great and the writing had really brilliant imagery. All in all, it was an excellent poem.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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714

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#3376201

Review of Dark Seasons

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi It's too hot already!

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great imagery.

Good structure.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nope, it's fine the way it is.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. I thought it was visual, engaging, and you really did a great job creating a vivid picture in your reader's mind. Excellent work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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715

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#3374602

Review of The Eye Doctor (Featured WDC Newsletter)

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Intriguing concept.

Compelling characters.

Entertaining story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Quite a few typos and grammatical errors.

The dialogue in the story felt a little verbose and repetitive.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really enjoyed reading this story. I thought it was interesting, engaging, and a fun read. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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716

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#3374598

Review of The Next Victim

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Joy

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great characterization.

Excellent mystery elements.

Entertaining storyline.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Absolutely nothing.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I loved this story. It was engaging, interesting, and kept my interest from beginning to end. I wish I had some constructive criticism for you, but I loved this story just the way it is.

It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Great work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

717

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#3374577

Review of The Shore

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Callie Leonore

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

- Elegant prose

- Engaging main character

- Good use of description

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

- There were a few too many rhetorical questions. After a few paragraphs, they it felt like they were starting to detract from the narrative.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well written, interesting, and entertaining. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

718

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#3372899

Review of Heaven and ERth

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi pitbull

-

The following is my official review as a judge for the Beyond The Water's Edge Contest, and I have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and while my decision for the contest judging is final, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of dialogue

Good use of the prompt

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

With a word count limit of 2,000 words, I was hoping to see a little more detail, description and story development.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought you did a good job with the characters, the prompt, and the storyline overall. While I was hoping for a little more story, what was on the page worked. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

719

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#3372326

Review of To Silence a Love

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Fairport

-

The following is my official review as a judge for the Sinister Stories Contest, and I have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and while my decision for the contest judging is final, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good concept

Interesting characters

Compelling storyline

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The section breaks made the story feel a tad disjointed.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought it was well-written, engaging, and effective. A solid entry for the Sinister Stories contest. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

720

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#3371760

Review of Your Poem

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Erika

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Wonderfully evocative

Forceful, effective tone

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing

OVERALL IMPRESSION

This was a really powerful piece of writing. It was emotional, engaging, and really compelling. The imagery in your first and third paragraphs were a stark contrast to the simplicity and straightforward effectiveness of the other three paragraphs, and that contrast, for me, is what made this such an exceptional piece. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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721

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#3371759

Review of Accused

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Write-fully Loti

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great imagery

Good, effective dialogue

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing comes to mind

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was a really well-written, engaging piece of writing. Your character development was excellent, the writing itself was elegant, and the story was intriguing. All in all, a very satisfying, enjoyable read. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1528250 Unavailable **

722

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#3371757

Review of The Veil

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Nikola

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I came across this item tonight through Random Read, and I'm glad I did! I thought you did a great job with the imagery and the description in this poem... it was very clear what was happening in the narrative, and the story was told with elegance and sophistication. I really enjoyed this item, and I think it's safe to say that I'll be making future trips back to your port to check out more of your poetry.

I wish I had some constructive criticism for you, but I honestly could find nothing in need of improvement to comment upon. Perfect just the way it is.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

723

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#3371753

Review of Japanese etheree

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi FrisoD

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

As someone who has yet to visit Japan (and really wants to), I thought this was an interesting and fun piece. The structure of the poem, including the visual element of centering it on the page (or screen, in this case) was effective and pleasing to the eye. Other than capitalizing "Buddhists" (and pluralizing it), and the lack of end-of-sentence punctuation (which made the whole poem feel a bit like a run-on sentence) I didn't catch any technical errors.

You did a really good job of capturing many of the elements to both modern and traditional Japan... I suppose the true testament to a piece of travel writing is whether you're able to convince your audience that the experience was valuable... and I certainly want to go more than ever now!

Nice work.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

724

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#3371751

Review of Stalker

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hi FrisoD

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Overall, I enjoyed the story. I thought it was engaging, interesting, and you did a great job of telling a complete story in only a few short words.

A couple suggestions:

The alternating point of view was a little hard to follow. The first paragraph is told from the vampire's point of view, the second paragraph from the woman's... the third paragraph from the vampire's, the fourth from hers... etc. While alternating points of view are perfectly acceptable in most cases, I felt that the brevity of this piece made it difficult to follow along with two different points of view, when the transitions come after only a sentence or two with one character, before jumping to the next. It was an effective structure toward the end of the story, when the events became more tense and suspenseful, but I would suggest revising the beginning (if only by adding content) to give the audience a sense of who these characters are before jumping to the next one.

There were several technical errors in the story (in the first paragraph, for example, "... was a better high then than any drug could give him." And, "... but soon that heavenly sent scent of fear..."). I would recommend proof-reading to catch the little typos that do tend to add up.

I thought the plan to grab a stake from her purse and stab the vampire was a little difficult to follow along with. Since most vampires are commonly portrayed as having heightened senses, abilities, etc., it seemed a little strange that the plot to kill the vampire involved merely concealing a stake in her purse, pulling it out, and staking him right there in the middle of the street. I was hoping for a bit more elaborate method that a vampire wouldn't see coming or be able to react to.

Other that the above-listed points, I thought this was a fun, entertaining read. It was short, to the point, and had a wonderful, satisfying ending. Nice job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3368508

Review of Find The Monsters before they find you

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is a great word search... I think you had a good diversity of monsters, and a good cohesive theme, which are the two most important and often overlooked elements in a good word search. I had a lot of fun finding the impressive variety of monsters you included in this word search. Great job!

SoCalScribe