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But people themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them forever.

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Oh ♥HOOves♥ ! I started this evening with a plan to write at least 3 reviews for InkBlot before heading over to S.A.J. What went wrong? Well, I visited your port about two hours ago, started reading Sara's Port, and I found myself completely hooked by her story.

It is now almost midnight here in the UK, and I'm just starting to write my first review. On the upside, I've just read the most delightful romance and escaped into a semi-familiar, much loved and well-imagined world in which dreams do come true.

The story of Olly and Sara follows a well-trodden path, with plenty of romance, a hint of passion, several dashes of misunderstandings and poor-decisions and finally, a wonderfully satisfying happy ending. All the ingredients of a perfect romance.

What makes this story work, and what gives it an appeal that places it above many traditional romances, is the familiar yet unique context of WDC, the writer who 'made it' and the in-house jokes.

I loved and laughed out loud when Sara responded to his proposal by advising that she had rated and rewarded him appropriately. Love, love loved it!

Olly is such an appealing character. Physically impressive and intelligent with a sensitive side, it was easy to to like him as a main character. When I learned of his desire to keep his public and private lives separate it made me think he was also quite a humble character too. Very deserving of his position as a romantic lead!

Sara has all the vulnerabilities that only caring, sensitive soul like Olly would be able to reach. With Sara's character what I particularly liked is the way we she epitomises what WDC means to many writers. It is a place to 'be' whatever you want, to let your words tell of your hopes, dreams and fears. That Sara gets her happy ending is very satisfying.

Not for one second do I think I can add anything unique by way of my observations with this lovely story. All I can say is that I was hooked in from the word go, and I remained hooked all the way to the end.

I will be back again, and I'll attempt a more thorough review, but for now let me just say 'Thank You' for a lovely Saturday evenings escape.



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If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

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This package includes many things, one of which is this review from the "Invalid Item" !

Thoughts and expectations from the Title:
Well, I'm normally a real fuss-pot with my titles, but I love anything to do with Christmas, so I was hooked with very little effort. If I was to be super-picky, I'd say that perhaps this title has been over-used in many places by many authors, so perhaps it lacks a tiny bit of originality. That said, I still read it. What I particularly liked, is your teaser line. The 'sometime tonight' addition at the end make me smile, and I know I'd be on for a smile!

How do I feel about the Main Character:

Again, how can you not love Santa? Take the quintessential good guy, add a touch too much of a favourite seasonal 'tipple' into the equation. and you've got an even more affable character, who is all the more endearing for his weakness!

Thoughts on the pace and flow:

The pacing works very well here, it's an amusing, light-hearted read, and the characters leap off the page in the panic stricken efforts to get the job done.

The only thing that hindered my flow was the changing text format. In some places it was too small to read, in others it just became distracting. I can see that this is a great attempt at a dialogue driven story, and I'm guessing that there was a word-count limit in place at some point which perhaps restricted what you could do in with it.

If you are in a position to revisit this, my only suggestion would be to decide whether you want to keep this as a dialogue only piece, or change it into a narrative. If you want to hold onto the dialogue only feature of this story then you could perhaps think about disposing of the internal thoughts. Personally, I felt it was a little confusing, but another reader may not feel the same way. It's just a thought. If you wanted to give it a go, you could get around it with Q n A, for example, with this sentence:

""Yawn...oh my, did that hurt. I think I stretched too much with that one..."
You could try:

"Yawn...Oooh...Ouch"
"You okay honey?"
"Uggh, yeah. I think I'm paying the price for too much eggnog, my head..."

Thoughts on the ending:

Smashing, I loved Santa's rhyme as he takes to the sky. The idea to call on a couple of accountants did make me smile too. I know a couple myself, and the stereotype image works well to illustrate Santa's dire needs!

How did I feel when reading this piece?

Warm, happy and in a good mood.

Any technical comments?

I seem to remember from a visit you made to my port some time ago that you are super-hot in this area, and, as I'm still learning, I'll 'pass' on making any comments here.

Outstanding thoughts and questions:

Write on!

If you're interested in my approach to reviewing, please feel free to take a look at "Invalid Item" 

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"Invalid Item" 

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "A Single Rose"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

The idea of a rose shivering with emotion was initially one I struggled to get my head around. I'm not great with poetry, but I do like that it makes me think! I felt as tough this rose was mirroring the waves of emotion that were coming off the individual sleeping.

Favourite Elements:

I love symmetry in writing, so the first three and the last three lines appealed to me. I also found the description of the shivering rose, shaking with pure love to be a lovely image.

Areas to Consider:

Nothing springs to mind.

Final Thoughts:

A delicate poem which took me a few reads to get my head around. Thanks for waking the brain cells!

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "A Teacher's Poem"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

I never imagined at the time, that my teachers really cared about my education. I took their offerings for granted and assumed it was 'just a job'. Only looking back do I see some of the super-stars disguised as teachers, men and women that really did care about the education they were providing. This poem made me look back on some of those unappreciated teachers with a new perspective. Thanks for sharing!

Favourite Elements:

I like the meaning and the sentiment behind each line.

Areas to Consider:

My only niggle is that the lines themselves feel a little long, and perhaps because of this the read is not as easy or as smooth as it could be.

Final Thoughts:

A great subject choice for a poem, and a thought-provoking read.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.
If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "The Best Revenge"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

This poem took me back, and I remember wanting to hide my broken heart and doing everything in my power to show that I was doing 'just fine' without 'him'. I look back and it doesn't so much feel like revenge but more a way of holding onto ones self esteem and dignity.

Favourite Elements:

I that I was given a free trip back in time. Some of the memories this poem evoked made me smile, I almost don't recognise that person, it feels so long ago. Thank you very much for the reminder.

I liked the line where you talk about beautifying yourself and asking him if he imagines your face. This is something I remembering doing, and I don't think I was asking him if he imagines my face, I think I hoped he imagined my face. I wanted him to miss me, though I think he'd long since moved on...*sigh*

One other thought I had, which only occured after the second read through is that, although there is no description of feelings in this poem, there is still a lot of implied emotion and pain in the words. I think this is quite an achievement. The risk, I guess, is that the reader may not hit on the 'emotional note' you were aiming for.

Areas to Consider:

I wonder if 'The Best Revenge' is an apt title for this. Revenge is about making someone pay for their crimes against you. To me, this poem doesn't so much speak of revenge, it speaks of 'moving on' and 'I'm doing just fine (though underneath my heart is breaking)'. Just a thought. It's your poem and you know best what you want it to achieve.

Final Thoughts:

I like the confident writing style in this poem. The message is clear, the presentation works well, the thoughts are decisive and the emotion feels real. Well done.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "The window "  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

A thought-provoking poem which could be about several different things. I like to think it was about feeling trapped and breaking free to seek the adventures that await on the other side. Who knows though...

Favourite Elements:

I like the idea that looking out of the window is an adventure waiting to happen, but in the context of this poem, the same doesn't apply when looking in from the the outside. I like the idea of breaking through the glass, it's a very visual description.

Areas to Consider:

Poetry touches everyone in different ways. I feel like this one has bags of potential, and for me I think I'd like it to appeal a bit more to some of the other senses. All of the descriptions are very visual, almost on-dimensional. With something like this I wonder if you could appeal on a more auditory level or perhaps give it a more tactile feel. It's your poem though, and you know what you want it to achieve.

Final Thoughts:

An accessible poem which still makes the reader think. A good read.


Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "The Haircut"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

Who would have thought a story about long hair and a hair-cut could have such a sinister feel to it? A most unpleasant, yet very gripping read.

Favourite Elements:

I love the way the tone of the piece changes as the little girl thinks about her Moma and then her Daddy. The entire feel of the read changes, as does the language and my sense of anxiety. The writer here does an excellent job of taking the reader on an emotional roller-coaster as the young girl interacts with, and observes the differences in her parents.

Areas to Consider:

I liked the last sentence, but I felt as though I was missing that sense of loss she might feel from those shared moments with her Daddy. I understood her relief at not being the the object of her Moma's bullying tactics and never having to endure those brutal hair-brushing sessions, but I didn't feel it was as clear-cut as that.

Final Thoughts:

A gripping and well imagined piece. I felt most uncomfortable as I read this. Nicely done!

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "Dracula Essay"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

An intense scene in which two lovers are separated by the demands of war. The scene is played out through the eyes of a female vampire who struggles not to let anger interfere with their last few moments together.

Favourite Elements:

I love the intensity of her emotions in their parting scene. I really felt her desperate need to keep him close. I also feel that the tone of the language in here gives an interesting, 'period-like' feel to the story.

My favourite part however is the their connection in her dreams and how she feels him changing and slipping away from her. This was beautifully delivered, and I really enjoyed reading this section.

Areas to Consider:

I did get a little confused about the: not going to heaven, going to hell, being refused entry to hell section. For example, one moment I read: "I know that no sin can enter into Heaven", and the next: "If you are in Heaven, I am coming".

It all got just a little too jumbled along the way. If this section could be smoothed out a little I think it would be a very strong story-line right through to the end.

Final Thoughts:

An interesting read. I think you did a great job of communicating tense emotions in this short piece.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "An Eternal Promise, Forever"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

First let me just say that I stopped by your bio to find out who wrote this story. It's been my pleasure to read your story today, and if you are writing like this at just 17 then I'm excited to think about what the next decade could bring as you continue to grow and develop your talent. I wish you the best of luck in writing those novels!

Anyway, back to the story: This is a brief glimpse into the overwhelming feelings and memories of one woman during a most impossible time in her life. This story is written slap bang in the middle of a huge emotional upheaval and the writer does a good job of illustrating the turmoil of the moment.

Favourite Elements:

I think you have some lovely memories in here and I could relate to the moment you are describing in here. I think my favourite line is: "Your laughter, your voice, both echoed through my memories, the only place I’d ever hear them again." because for me, your describe the very crux of grief and loss: that sense of knoing what you are missing is unbearable.

I really like that the flowers held a personal meaning which was the trigger for her undoing. This very physical reaction was one I could again relate to: "Shrinking in on myself". I would have liked to understand th meaning of the flowers a bit more. Did he buy her tulips in the past? When and how did the pink carnation become a symbol and the message - was that from him to her or her to him?

Areas to Consider:

In a piece that is predominantly about feelings, the key is to get the reader feeling the emotions of the narrator. Telling the reader about all these memories goes part way towards this, but what really nails it, is when the reader connects with the way the narrator feels. Although I know this story is about loss, a reader could be forgiven for reading the first paragraph and thinking that it was one person talking to their partner about all the wonderful things they remember from their early courtship. Can you see this? I think it's because although the content is there, the tone doesn't start to kick in until later.

It might be that you didn't want to reveal too much too early, and of course that's your chouice. For me, it just meant that 1/3 of the story had passed before I began to connect emotionally with the character. My suggestion is that alongside sharing these memories, you could try to share / show the reader how the narrator reacts. What are the physical and emotional responses to these memories?

One additional thought yu could consider is to perhaps avoid telling the reader something too specific, especially when it doesn't contribute to the overall mood of the piece. For example: "My eyes open and blood-shot", instead you could try showing this, for example: "my unseeing, blood-shot eyes..." or "my blood-shot eyes glazed over as..."

Final Thoughts:

One thought that occurred to me is whether the title could be linked a bit more to the ending? It's a symmetry thing! I'm a symmetry gal! I understand the promise is spoken in her words, I just wondered whether the word 'forever' could be tied in there too? This is definitely not a criticism, and the title works, it's just a random thought.

On a final note, I think this story is beautifully imagined and well delivered. You have indeed told a lovely story. Please, only take my suggestions as thoughts for your consideration, nothing more. You know what's best for your story.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.
If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Somewhere something incredible is waiting to be known.

Congratulations on your nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" 
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Carl Sagan Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is this review from the "Invalid Item" !

How did I come across this piece?

I've seen many of your reviews for others here on WDC, and now it's my pleasure to take a look through your port today. I hope my thoughts on "The Thread Box"  are in some way helpful. They are made with the best of intentions, but they are only one persons perspective as an enthusiastic reader.

Thoughts and expectations from the Title:

I love the title to this piece. It's the type of title I'd go to pick from a shelf in a book store. It didn't strike me as the title of an 'Essay' and I couldn't quite put my finger on why I should feel like that. Perhaps it's just one of those odd, subjective things?

Thoughts on the ending:

What a beautiful, poignant ending. I was moved by the image of the same grandaughter becoming a grandma herself, and all the wonderful memories that she would make sure were passed down. It was a lovely, and very satisfying ending.

How did I feel when reading this piece?

There were some lovely lines which really pulled at the heart strings. This line in particular "The faint musty smell of age and memories tickled my nose", was something that resonated, as it tapped in to my own memories, and yet also appealed to my senses. Very nicely done

I really felt a sense of loneliness when I read this, even though that word is never mentioned. The narrator asks why Granma didn't come to live with 'us', so I know that this person isn't entirely alone, but this piece is filled with memories of loss, and I think the sadness really comes through.

Any technical comments?

I wondered whether this opening line: "small one bedroom apartment" would read a little smoother with a bit of punctuation:'small, one-bedroom apartment'. What do you think?

One other thought is whether these sentences might be smoothed out a little, perhaps by avoiding the repetition of the word 'thread': "The threads were no longer bright and new. The wooden spools were dinged and worn. I had never used those spools of thread. Each thread was a tenuous tie to the faint few"

Outstanding thoughts and questions:

I felt as though I missing a memory or some tangible connection between the person finding the thread box and the mum who passed away. I understand that it belonged to the Granma that has just passed away, but what involvement did her Mum have with the box and why is that box a closer connection to her Mum than, say the photographs or blessing gowns? I felt I was missing something here, was there a story the Granma told the Grandaughter which gave the Thread Box more of a connection to her Mum?

My one last thought, is that this felt like a non-fiction story rather than an essay. A very good, very moving story, that I'm very pleased I was able to share.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Be natural my children. For the writer that is natural has fulfilled all the rules of art.

Congratulations on your nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" 
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Charles Dickens Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is this review from the "Invalid Item" !

How did I come across this piece?

This is the first time I've stumbled across you here on WDC, and I've had some fun browsing your port today for something to review! I hope my thoughts on "The Pandora"  are in some way helpful. They are made with the best of intentions, but they are only one persons perspective as an enthusiastic reader.

Thoughts and expectations from the Title:

Who could resist a story entitled 'The Pandora'? There are just too many possibilities not to take a look. I envisaged something magical, and possibly even sinister, and as far as titles go, this one certainly did its job and grabbed my attention.

How do I feel about the Main Character:

Very, very, curious! I was thoroughly fascinated by his thoughts and his remembered, yet confusing, experience. I finished the story feeling no more enlightened than when I began, but most definitely a whole lot more curious. I like that there are so many unanswered questions about this young chap (the only hint that he's a 'boy', and therefore reasonably young, is the reference to the 'other boy'), but by the end, I think I felt a little lost at sea with him. Though I wanted to know more about the 'event', I think I needed a few more points of reference for character himself. Just enough, so that I know a little more about who he is and have enough of a connection to be interested in what happens to him too.

Thoughts on the pace and flow:

I love the time-line, it creates a real sense of tension. This could only be maintained for a short while without perhaps becoming a bit laboured, but for a Prologue or an opening chapter I think it works extremely well. What I was super-impressed by, was the way very little actually happened, and yet I felt compelled to stay with the read. It was SO wonderfully puzzling to read, I still have a frown on my face now as I think about it. Nicely done!

Thoughts on the ending:

I was a little deflated at the ending. Such a fantastic job had been done of building all this tension and creating a sense of drama and confusion, and it felt as though it went a little bit flat at the end. My gut-feel is that more of the 'tension' is required to keep the reader turning the page to see what happens in the next chapter.

How did I feel when reading this piece?

The time-line made me anxious, I could feel my stress levels building though I didn't ever fully understand why. I liked that the MC wasn't supposed to be there, and had in fact been warned away, and this created a sense of danger, though again, I didn't know why. This short piece of writing does a great job of hitting that note of suspense.

Any technical comments?

Just a few observations, see if you agree Firstly, I'm not sure these two sentences flow as well as they could. See what you think: "And the train was due at 2:12pm.Then in just 10 minutes he would be there again." Do you mean, "The train was due at 2:12pm, and in just 10 minutes he would be there again"

Do you think a ',' might be needed after 'thirsty' in this sentence, (I ask because punctuation isn't my strong point : "The tension made him thirsty and he wished he had stopped at the shops and bought a bottle of water."

I also wondered whether his thoughts might make for a smoother read if they were differentiated from the general narrative, for example:

'How many of them are there?' he thought, 'and how long has this been going on?'


Outstanding thoughts and questions:

I'm very curious about what happened to The Pandora's crew and how this young boy got his scratch, but by the time I reached the end of the read, that seed which had been so well planted, had almost gone to the back of my mind. I think this is a fantastic start to a story, and I'd be excited to read more, if it were available, but my one outstanding thought is to try and provoke the readers curiosity again near the end, so that they can't resist turning the page. If you haven't yet had the chance to progress this story any further, then I wish you the very of luck in revisiting it some day.

If you're interested in my approach to reviewing, please feel free to take a look at "Invalid Item" 

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "Grandfather's Yard"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful. Please feel free to disregard anything you feel isn't appropriate.

General Impressions:

This is lovely peek into a fond childhood memory. The remembered visits to 'Grandfather's Yard' are brought to life with colourful explanations of the varied plants and vegetables grown throughout the year.

Favourite Elements:

I love this line "his yard was a virtual farm in the city" as it really gives the reader a clear idea of just how much this place meant to the narrator, and the difference it must have made during childhood.

Areas to Consider:

I felt as if the opening sentence was let down a little with the following "pleasant highlight", the two words almost contradict each other. Pleasant describes something 'nice' and 'okay', whereas 'highlight' suggests something more stand-out. I'd be tempted to drop the 'pleasant'.

I'm not sure why, but the narration style felt as though it changed in the last few sentences. It might be a tense thing! I think it sounds like the child speaking rather than the adult remembering: "In fact, horror of horrors, what if they decided on no swing at all? Hmm...that grape arbor....what new and exciting possibilities!" If you disagree, please ignore, however if you feel the same, then you could try something like the following:

'In fact, horror of horrors, what if they had decided on no swing at all Hmm, that grape arbor might well have become the unwitting outlet for my creative endeavours' or something along those lines... I'm sure you'd come up with something far more suitable.

Final Thoughts:

I thoroughly enjoyed this brief step into the past. I thought you did a lovely job of bringing this memory to life.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!

How did I come across your piece?

Your item has been highlighted for a visit by "Simply Positive Review Forum " , and I thank you for the opportunity to read and review "seeking freedom"  today.
My observations are made with the best of intentions, and I hope they are in some way helpful.

General Impressions:

An interesting, thought provoking piece of writing which asks us to stop for a moment and let our minds breathe. I liked the call to action in this, it's good to be able to reach people and get them to think!

Favourite Elements:

I think you present a fairly balanced opinion in here, making your point without preaching. I also liked this sentence in particular "we are crushing the segment of our brain that's responsible for imagination", 'crushing' is such a good word to use in this context. Nice choice!

Areas to Consider:

The first sentence is a giant of a sentence, and there are a few of them scattered in here. Consider breaking it into a few smaller sentences to improve the readability. You might also want to watch for tense changes. "listening to the morning routine sounds, stare at the room", I suspect it should be 'staring', what do you think?

Final Thoughts:

It was good to read something thought provoking this morning, thank you for the interesting read.

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.

If you have any thoughts on how I approach my reviews, please check out my explanation in "Invalid Item" 

Kxx

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I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after.

Congratulations on your nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" 
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Emily Bronte Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is this review from the "Invalid Item" !

How did I come across this piece?

I had a lot of fun looking for something to review in your port because it is filled with some thoroughly eclectic, highly imaginative pieces. It's been a pleasure reading and reviewing "A Normal Guy"  today. I hope my thoughts are in some way helpful. They are made with the best of intentions, but they are only one persons perspective as an enthusiastic reader.

Thoughts and expectations from the Title:

When I saw this very 'normal' title, it sure seemed a little 'too' ordinary for your portfolio, and I suspected I was in for something quite the opposite! I couldn't resist finding out what was behind those simple words. The description beneath the title reiterated my thinking and set my expectations about the type of character I'd be meeting. Good choice of title!

How do I feel about the Main Character:

Okay, two words sprang to mind the first time I read this: "Thoroughly confused". Neil is a larger than life character, and it takes at least two, if not more, reads to get through the apparent complexity of his personality, before seeing the simplicity of his troubles.

Neil fills the screen with his colourful personality. Kate's description of him in the second paragraph is a wonderful read. I couldn't help but smile at the references to bats. Yet, it was a wry humour that illustrated just how challenging his personality can be.

I love this line: ""You've brought no one with you?" He walks outside and conducts a preliminary investigation of my perimeter, anticipating any form of contraband normalcy.", the last 6 words of which I only clocked on the second read through !

I spent most of the first half thinking that he was suffering from schizophrenia, or some other difficulty. This thinking was, I felt, reinforced by my perception of Kate indulging him, and choosing the path of least resistance, when it came to dealing with him. Equally, 'Gramps' seems to go along with the 'infidels' scene.

My view on his mental state began to change, when he was faced with the choice to keep quiet or answer the policeman back, and he couldn't resist. This was a great scene, and it has that clear touch of teenage rebelliousness to it. Truth be told, it also had a ring of 4-year-old-itus to it too (my little one just can't resist answering back at the moment. From this point forward the message regarding Neil becomes clearer, and I was able to understand that his behaviour stems from a reluctance to leave behind the freedom of childhood and take on some of the responsibilities that come with growing-up.

We see a nice, yet sad scene at the end where is affection for his Gramps leads him to 'knuckle-down', for long enough to cook a family meal. This allows us to see that for all his self-indulgence, and the indulgence of those around him, he does love his family.

Thoughts on the pace and flow:

I felt the scene in the restaurant was almost unnecessary, and by this point I was getting a bit irritated with Neil. This might well have been the intention, but I felt this scene slowed the face a little, and I had to resist the temptation to skip ahead.

I thought the energy in the dialogue was wonderful. Both the first scene with the flies, and then the scene with the policeman felt very lively, and I could imagine these words being spoken.

Thoughts on the ending:

The ending was great, it had a real sweet and sour twist to it. I won't spoil it for any would be readers, but it reminds me of the reoccurring niggles that cropped up during my late teens, when more and more, I had the sense that responsibilities and expectations were resting on my shoulders, that weren't there before.

How did I feel when reading this piece?

I thoroughly enjoyed the whirlwind effect of being on the outskirts of Neil's world, but I have to admit it was a little like being on the waltzers. After a while, you need the ride to slow down a little so you can get off. I thought Neil made a great central character, and I particularly liked the scene with the policeman where, for the first time, I felt Kate's frustration at being his friend. I would have liked to see a bit more of this. There are several times when Kate chose not to speak, and I wondered whether it would have rounded the piece of a little to feel a bit more of what it was like to be his friend in those mad moments.

I also chuckled at some of the wonderful images I was given of Neil, like for example: "He answers the door. There is a colander on his head." How could I not grin at this?

Any technical comments?

I wondered whether this might read a little smoother as two sentences: "on a Sunday morning. The only person..."

I also considered whether this change of time and location, might be more transparent for the reader if it incorporated something about it being Neil's or Mr. Wattersley's residence: "As I walk up the front steps to Neil's porch" or "As I approach Neil's front door" something like this.

Outstanding thoughts and questions:

I didn't understand Kate's repeated choice to indulge Neil, and to say nothing. It kept reinforcing this perception that Neil had a known, but unspoken problem, yet by the end I understood the real issue. I kept wondering if I'd missed something. Similarly with Gramps initial participation with the 'infidel' scene. I couldn't make sense of it.

I also thought that Neil and Kate were cousins for the first few paragraphs because of the way she referred to him in speech tags as 'Gramps'. It was only when she spoke to him and called him 'Mr Wattersley' that I realised they weren't related. I wondered if there might be a way to eliminate that confusion from the outset by explaining that she thought of him as 'Gramps'?

Final Thoughts:

Thank you for a thoroughly entertaining and thought-provoking read. This story had me puzzled, and it was fascinting following it through to it's conclustion as the pieces of the jigsaw came together.

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How did I come across this piece?

I don't believe we've 'met' before, and it was a pleasure to have the opportunity to take a look through your port today. I was thoroughly spoiled for choice. I hope my thoughts on "Paranoid - Maybe"  are in some way helpful. They are made with the best of intentions, but they are only one persons perspective.

Thoughts and expectations from the Title:

What a great and quirky choice for a title. The expectation is set, and the judgement is made, with the first word, and then it is completely undermined with the second. I love it! Made me grin and provoked my curiosity.

How do I feel about the Main Character:

For such a short piece of work, I was surprised at how my feelings towards the MC changed. Owing largely to the title, I started by feeling sceptical and pitying this clearly disillusioned character. I then moved to being uncertain, doubting my earlier feelings and wondering whether he alone was bearing the weight of his secret knowledge. And then, the writer cleverly appeals to that very damning of human traits, the passing of judgments based on appearance, and I was informed that this person was a tramp, so of course, I reverted to my earlier opinion that he was simply a bit loopy! Shamefully predictable of me to respond that way, but genius work on the part of the writer in provoking those deep rooted assumptions.

This was an impressive journey of reactions for a piece of flash fiction.

Thoughts on the pace and flow:

Flash fiction has to achieve so much, in so few words, that it can end up rushed, and some of the subtle detailing required to connect a reader with the character can be lost. This didn't happen at all in this piece. The writer used an inner-monologue to quickly put the reader in the mind-set of the paranoid main-character. Though we can't observe him or his mannerisms, we can sense his agitation through his bird-like thoughts as they dart nervously from one to the next. To me, this felt like an extraordinarily skillful way of helping me feel his character.

This line in particular is a wonderful mixed bag of self-doubt, irrational justification and agitation: "It must have been a test. Yes, a test."

I also love the way the MC interprets his normal surroundings to suit his perception of the world. In this line: "A “passer-by” hands me a flyer and disappears into a crowd hustling across an intersection.", we feel his certainty that this disappearance, and the presence of the crowd, are all part of the 'show'.

Thoughts on the ending:

The 'reveal' in this piece is so subtle, that you could almost breeze over it. But it is there, and it is perfectly written. If I was being the tiniest bit picky, then I think that it would never be missed, and it might be even more surprising if it was actually the very last line of the piece. Just a thought!

How did I feel when reading this piece?

I felt entertained and distracted. I enjoyed seeing the world from this persons perspective, and the feelings provoked by his mental state made for a lively, yet slightly melancholy read. I liked the size of this story too, it was bite-sized and easy to read.

Any technical comments?

Very tentatively, I would ask whether a ',' is required before the 'but' in this sentence: " I reach into the booth and grab it on the first ring but no one is there." If I'm wrong, please disregard!

Outstanding thoughts and questions:

Because the term 'watchers' and 'others' is used to specifically identify a group of individuals 'in the know', I'd be tempted to find another word for 'others' in this sentence as it confused me a little on my first read through: " I can see things that others are blind to". Maybe try 'regular people', though I'm sure you'd think of something far better.

Final Thoughts:

Thank you for the opportunity to escape into someone else's world. I enjoyed the brief experience, and I am now grateful to be back in my own.

If you are interested in my approach to reviewing feel free to take a look at: "Invalid Item" 





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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