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276 Public Reviews Given
277 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of A Freeman's Story  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Reviewed by: Kevin D. Cottrell a.k.a. kevin82
Read: 6/25/05
Rated: 3.5
Title: Interview With A Freeman
Author: doshaw
Genre: History, Fiction
Type: short story
Plot: N/A
Point of View: Third person
Protagonist: Chester Devereaux, Junie Williams
Antagonist: N/A
Editing Notes: Flawless
Spelling & Grammar: No Errors

Use of-
Unique Title: Good
Concept: Interview for the purpose of pointing out the further difficulties of the blackman shortly after being freed.
Dialogue: was excellent you captured the southern mans voice perfect.
Imagery: none
Description: none
Scene: none
Setting: none
Senses: none
Character Development: none
Emotion: none shown
Overall Feeling: this was a very good story of the first hand accounts of the difficulties faced by black men and women after the civil war.
Suggestions :If you do create a novel from this story I would incorporate some of the above techniques that were left out. Also; this was a one sided interview. It might be better if there was some dialogue between the interviewer and the interviewee.
-kevin82
77
77
Review of Freda  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Reviewed by: Kevin D. Cottrell a.k.a. kevin82
Read: 6/22/05
Rated: 4.0
Title: Freda
Author: Jenny Davies
Genre: Fiction/ Drama
Type: Short Story
Plot: Freda’s escape from the elements, and her survival in a cruel world.
Point of View: Omniscient
Protagonist: Freda
Antagonist: Mother Nature
Editing Notes: Flawless
Spelling & Grammar: Flawless

** Anything past this point is to be considered suggestions only. I do this to help this Author, and to better the piece. **

Use of-
Unique Title: Freda is a good title, anything else would give away the ending i.e. Angel on my Shoulder or Take my Hand. Would give hints as to the ending. Which by the way was spectacular, I had no clue, like the end of the movie Six Sense.
Concept: Awesome! nice plot twist at the end.
Imagery: Could have been better, but was adequate.
Description: very good especially the first paragraph, Jenny you as the Author have to determine how much is just right.
Scene: Adequate
Setting: Good, but ramp it up.
Senses: Much better! Of the five senses you left out smell, Jenny Freda is in a Barn, it’s got to smell like something!
Character Development: This is your biggest flaw; you have to work on this. Example Freda and the Boy have no Hair, Eye, skin color no description at all. Work on this and your stories will be that much more vivid, your characters that much more interesting. Until you reach a point where you actually start to care about your characters weird huh! Do some character research before you sit down and write one of your wonderful stories. ID# 955388 Blank Character Profile
Book Suggestions:
“A Writers Guide to Fiction” By Elizabeth Lyon
“Write Away” By Elizabeth George

Emotion: You narrated some emotion try to show not tell.

Overall Feeling: Fantastic had me all the way to the end could be longer, but I write/love Novel’s.
Suggestions: Clean it up some more, play with it, and I would highly suggest that you enter this in the many short story contests this site has to offer, and when you are ready send it out to a magazine.
This one is a Winner!!

Note: If this Author heeds a few of my suggestions I would be glad to re-read and re-rate I reserve that as my right and privilege.
-kevin82
78
78
Review of Island  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (3.5)
Reviewed by: Kevin D. Cottrell a.k.a. kevin82
Read: 6/21/05
Rated: 3.5
Title: Island
Author: Jenny Davies
Genre: Fiction
Type: Short Story
Plot: to run away from their Aunt and escape to the island
Point of View: Omniscient (Fly on the wall)
Protagonist: Josie, Annie, Nicole, and Elizabeth
Antagonist: Aunt
Editing Notes: page 1 line # 18 away from Aunt and her beatings. : away from their Aunt, and the constant beatings. Page 1 line #39
What will when one of us? : What will…when one of us?
Page 2 line # 1 “Hope in.” : “Hop in.”
Page 2 line # 33 food out of the bat : food out of the boat
Page 3 said Aunt, : said their Aunt
Aunt got up : their Aunt got up
I have an important guest coming an I don’t : I have an important guest coming and I don’t
Page 4 end of chapter four The filled all crevices : They filled all the crevices

* Everything after this point is suggestion only to help the Author and better the piece. Any questions you may have send me an Email and I would only be too happy to help you. If you take some of this advice I will be happy to clear my current rating and re-rate this story. *

Use of-
Unique Title: good
Concept: good

Imagery: not a lot this is detail how blue is the sky? How red was Lizzies face, ten slaps to her face would not just make it red, but also black and blue.
Description: Jenny- in five chapters with five characters all we (readers) know is that Lizzie has blue eyes. This forces us to put a face on your characters, not our job!

Scene: Ramp it up, the path to the boat was good.

Setting: We need to know where their at. Ie Florida, Spain off the coast of Africa?

Senses: Two out of five senses were used: sight, touch these are the tools that a writer uses to draw the reader in and keep him/her there.
Sight, Sound, Smell, Touch, and feel (Emotion) add at least one or two on every page this adds a realism to your story.

Character Development: very little, the Aunt needs a name at the least. The girls need different strengths and flaws to keep your reader interested. Go in my Portfolio and enter my MISC folder and help your self to a blank character profile with examples.

Emotion: a little in the beginning, with the slap, and latter when the girls seemed happy which is the main problem, their too happy.

Overall Feeling: This Author is very talented, and although there was no action I still liked this story.

Suggestions: Description- Without sounding like a Police lineup put some faces on these girls and the Aunt.

Adversity- there is none, the girls got away too easy, this is a glorified camping trip in paradise. Turn it around- Wipe out the Boat, their food supplies, and the water spring in a violent storm or Hurricane. Now they have to rely on one another, they cant get back! enter the whining! We will see your characters ingenuity, strength, their desperation, and flaws. Then I would drop a serial killer/ rapist on the island that had just escaped from a nearby prison. This gives your characters a fight for their lives. That would be a helluva Novel.
Jenny without an Antagonist, the Aunt isn’t really one She has a very limited scene, then there is no story.
Our job as Writers here at Writing.com is to sharpen our skills and to ultimately get published! Some clever changes and this story has the potential to do just that.
-kevin82
Please E-mail me if you want my help…there was someone that helped me when I first posted.
79
79
Review of Dinner Guest  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewed by: Kevin D. Cottrell aka kevin82
Read: 6/14/05
Rated: 4.5
Title: Dinner Guest
Author: Laurel
Genre: Fiction
Type: short story
Plot: Finding something to eat
Point of View: 1st person
Protagonist: The Fly
Antagonist: The Humans
Editing Notes: Flawless
Spelling & Grammar: Flawless

Use of-
Unique Title: Very imaginative
Concept: Well thought out
Imagery: Excellent
Description: excellent
Scene: very good
Setting: very good
Senses: Visual & Smell
Character Development: good
Emotion: none shown
Overall Feeling: very entertaining
Suggestions: You could make it longer

-kevin82
80
80
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
Excellent!
Very Inspiring.
Well thought out.
-kevin82
81
81
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tom-
This is the reveiw for Chapter II

Reviewed by: Kevin D. Cottrell a.k.a. kevin82
Read: 6/8/05
Rated: 4.0
Title: Demon Hunter Chap. II
Author: An abecedaric belesprit
Genre: Fiction/Horror
Type: Short Story
Plot: Demon Hunter Vincent Tanoan battles to keep the Demons from spreading their number.
Point of View: First Person/ Omniscient
Protagonist: Vincent Tanoan
Antagonist: Demons

Editing Notes: Return to Chapter I paragraph 1 where you use a 1st person point of view. This should be separated by three asterisks center and separated by one space apiece from paragraph 2 where you switch to an omniscient point of view.

Chapter 2:
para. 1 line 2 nearby but the heavy: nearby, but the heavy
para. 1 line 3 from the wold demons head: from the wolf demons head.
A little dialogue confusion at line eight who is speaking the person holding Vincent or the other four muggers? If the one that is speaking is the mugger holding Vincent than you need to close the quotation after we won’t hurt you…If the speaker is the other four muggers than it’s fine. You may want to consider changing the term abecedaric muggers. This makes average reader say HUH? I couldn’t find it in my Merriam Webster Dictionary.
para. 3 line 1 he took of his: he took off his
para. 3 line 3 wind elemental too El Dorado: elemental to El Dorado

Spelling & Grammar: minimal errors

Use of-

Concept: The author uses a unique concept of time travel, and teleportaion, for operations against the demon world.
Note: The following are suggestions only to better the piece, it is entirely up to the Author to heed them.

Imagery: take the time to set the place where Vincent is at; detail is necessary to grab the reader’s attention and keep him there. I should be able to smell the musty curtains.

Description: Give us a better idea of what the players look like.

Scene: Take the time to develop your scene if he’s in an alley does it smell like urine?

Setting: same as above

Senses: use the five senses with your character try to incorporate at least one if not two on every page. Write down the five senses on a post-it and place it on your monitor.

Character Development: Give your character some traits and flaws to make Vincent more interesting.

Emotion: Non-existent

Overall Feeling: I like this character and I like this story, but there is room for improvement.

Suggestions:
Vincent is human show some emotion any emotion happy, sad, fear, anger, and revulsion. This also broadens your character and makes your fiction seem realistic in the mind of the reader.
Let us see everything, do not skip over important events like clearing out a coven of witches, three minor pagan gods, and a Wiccan ritual. Make them major Gods and turn these three events into chapters. Great Job! Keep on writing!
-kevin82
82
82
Review of Demon hunter  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.0)
Rating and Review by Kevin D. Cottrell Aka Kevin82

Read: 6/6/05

Rated: 4.0
Title: Demon Hunter
Author: An abecedaric belespirt
Genre: Fiction/Horror
Type: Short Story
Plot: By his job defined by the powers that be, Demon Hunter, Vincent Tanoan hunts demons in this world and below.
Protagonist: Vincent Tanoan
Antagonist: Demons
Editing: Very Good!

Use of:
These are the items that grab and hold the reader.
Imagery: add more detail
Description: Same as above, general rule you have to get the reader in a headlock at chapter 1 (You haven’t given me any idea what he looks like Vincent or the demons)
Scene: Some use of scene
Setting: Some use of setting
Senses: Minimal use of the five primary senses include some i.e. sight, sound, smell, touch, feeling (emotional)
Character Development: Mysterious- ramp it up!
Overall Feeling: I like this story and can’t wait to read Chap. 2
Suggestions:
I do suggest that you explain in greater detail why he is six hundred yrs old. Just a thought, but you could make him a Seraphim (Right or Left hand of God I beleave the Devil was the right hand of God, where as, ST. Michael was the left hand of God. or he could be a fallen Angel seeking redemption; your call.This next item is up to you, I’m a guy and Ex-military at the very least explain his weapon system i.e. 9mm, 10mm, 45 cal.,or a 50 cal Desert Eagle. Vincent is he using ammo that is special i.e. blessed? Here’s the kicker, you will find that the audience here that will read your stuff is primarily female, and Dudes will step in read a chapter and move on. It’s the females here that will read your entire book, but they will ask you to tone down the military, however, most of your readers if it is published tend to be male so find a happy medium.This is because Horror/Action is usually male dominated look to your audeance.
If you have any questions please contact me.
-kevin82
Keep on Writing!!
83
83
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.0)
Blondie-
Your editing was flawless.
story was great I'm one of the
people that went to all the same
Schools, I didn't start travelling until I went into the Army. However, I have seen the monuments.
Welcome to Writing.com
-kevin82
84
84
Review of Hidden Rose  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very well done!
Good emotion.
I'm not sure how to
edit, poetry!
If you should Edit poetry,
You left out all punctuation!
-kevin82
Good Job!
85
85
Review by Kevin82
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
TBIRD-
This was good,but way too short.
That just means I was sorry it was over.
Concept, setting, and plot was awesome.
descriptives, imagery top notch.
Editing was very good.
Consider making this a full length story.
line#4 surrounded by chain link fence and spotted
^a ^,
Thanks, I hope you have some more!
-kevin82
86
86
Review of March Winds  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
cottontail-
I liked this, alot!
This is not my genre, but if I was a child and this was a picture book, I would read it late into the night under my blanket with my flash light.
Finish it! Please.
Editing: Flawless
Storyline: Excellent
Concept: Excellent
Again, This would make a great publishable picture/storybook!
-kevin82
87
87
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
Holly-
This was great; it's obvious
that you put alot of work into it.
Editing was flawless.
You added your own touch!
I liked it very much
It cleared up alot.
I only have one suggestion, and its
just a suggestion.
Add a section on writing Dialogue for
characters from another country.
I have seen/read/wrote some serious mistakes
in dialogue of characters from English, French,Romanian, Asian, and Arab speaking nations.
Or you could do a complete separate paper on these.
Always a pleasure reading something you have wrote!
-kevin82
88
88
Review of Shedding Life  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (5.0)
prettypills-
Editing flawless
concept was perfect
imagery outstanding
ending perfect!!
Great Job!
-kevin82
89
89
Review of Rose Red  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Jordans1-
This is what I'm talking about!
You do have a lot of editing and revision issues.
But, that depends on how detailed you go back through.
A little advise avoid he said/ she said when you are dealing with just two characters their dialogue will let your reader know who is talking.
Your imagery and description is very good, but remember you have other senses to portray this: sight, sound, smell, touch, and feel (emotions).
I see that you write in first person and that you have the ability to carry a male or female character this is a good trait. When you move to Novel's and have a lot more characters both male and female.
I'm going to send the corrections in a private Email.
Be patient because I'm going back through it again.
Good Job!
-kevin82
90
90
Review of Soulless  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Faded-
This was really intense.
I could feel your despair.
Line # 7 thougth: though
Good work!
-kevin82
91
91
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece was extremly helpful.
I'm now going back and reorganizeing
my entire novel, and look forward to doing so!Now that I'm armed with the proper knowledge to do it.
page 1
Section Conflict: Mrs. Jenkins warns him to stay way.
^
a
Thank you, very much!
-kevin82
92
92
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (5.0)
I normally do not rate an
Item a five unless it knocks me out!
These types of learning documents are so
nessessary on this site. All writers need to reveiw the basics. I've gone back to some of my collage English books and there boring, this was not.
The style that you used was very: Informative, exciteing, and fresh. It makes a boring subject like Grammer fun. Consider expanding to an English is fun book.
Thank You!
-kevin82
93
93
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fantastic way to give some incentive
to reveiwer's to not just read an item, but to
help the writer better the piece, however, the
reveiwer learns just as much as the writer!!
-kevin82
94
94
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (5.0)
I felt real comfortable expressing my feelings for a site where people are honest and nice, but they dont shine you on.
Thank You!
-kevin82
95
95
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow!
This is the most informative of all of the
sites. It's like everyone post's through you.
Kinda like a Traffic cop!!
Good Work!! I've already posted a question on your writing forum. Now, I'm going back In.
Very Good Work!!!
-kevin82
96
96
Review of Andy  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very nice tribute to your freind.
That whoever reads this feels your pain!
whether, you lose someone from natural causes, or by his own hand. It's the ones that are taken from us that hurt the most.

-kevin82
97
97
Review of Scripture Based  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was really good, also.
You have the ability to pour all of your feelings out on a page, this is somewhat rare.
You would be a really good romantic or drama writer.
My favorite was #2 Fight the Battle
this is for obvious reasons.

Thank you, kevin82
98
98
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (5.0)
Alright, this was good! really good!
I told you I have never read poetry before.
This has to go in your book!!
This would be a great romantic scene.

Thank you!

-kevin82
99
99
Review of My cat, Angel  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found no error's it's your call but you might want to consider removing the 2 and spelling it out.
This was good I could see a girl cuddling and playing with her cat, but if you were to add to it the cat's colour of it's fur and eye's might help.
-Thank You!
-kevin82
100
100
Review of Getting Over  
Review by Kevin82
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I need to look forward and see bright future there is. ^how ^a
The more I talk and the sponger I get and
^stronger

This was real good you might want to go back over it.
-kevin82
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