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392 Public Reviews Given
393 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of My Wall  
Review by kim
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elfish Reviewer today. This review is part of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society's Spring/Equinox Elf Raid.

I like your poem. I thought it read very well and I can see that you are still working on it. I do the same with my poems (the two that I have). If I let them sit a little while sometimes something just pops into my head and everything falls in place. I really love poems that rhyme.

I've listed a couple of typos below.

centry century

morter mortar

As far as the last two lines, I think I like it as it is. Good job!

kim

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52
Review of EJH  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

It's me again, kim from the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society. I loved your ee poem so much I wanted to look at your others. I love this, although I didn't get EJH. I'm sure that it's someone I should know, just because of the sound of the poem. This reminds me so much of something but I just can't put my finger on it.

Anyway, I think it stands so well on it's own, reading it out loud is a real treat. Superb.

Anyway, if you want, let me know who EJH is, then I can feel like an idiot for not remembering. Thanks for the great poetry!!!

kim

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53
Review of ee set free  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elfish Review today. The review is part of the Vernal Equinox Elf Raid for the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society.

I LOVE ee. In fact I think that he's part of the reason that I do not always use capitals correctly. I have a theory that most things shouldn't be capitalized since what makes them more important than other things? Sadly, there isn't much leeway in the literary world to make up you own rules. Unless your e.e.cummings. Here's one of my favorite poems of his.

sing of Olaf glad and big
by E. E. Cummings

XXX

i sing of Olaf glad and big
whose warmest heart recoiled at war:
a conscientious object-or

his wellbelovéd colonel(trig
westpointer most succinctly bred)
took erring Olaf soon in hand;
but--though an host of overjoyed
noncoms(first knocking on the head
him)do through icy waters roll
that helplessness which others stroke
with brushes recently employed
anent this muddy toiletbowl,
while kindred intellects evoke
allegiance per blunt instruments--
Olaf(being to all intents
a corpse and wanting any rag
upon what God unto him gave)
responds,without getting annoyed
"I will not kiss your f***ing flag"

straightway the silver bird looked grave
(departing hurriedly to shave)

but--though all kinds of officers
(a yearning nation's blueeyed pride)
their passive prey did kick and curse
until for wear their clarion
voices and boots were much the worse,
and egged the firstclassprivates on
his rectum wickedly to tease
by means of skilfully applied
bayonets roasted hot with heat--
Olaf(upon what were once knees)
does almost ceaselessly repeat
"there is some s*** I will not eat"

our president,being of which
assertions duly notified
threw the yellowsonofabitch
into a dungeon,where he died

Christ(of His mercy infinite)
i pray to see;and Olaf,too

preponderatingly because
unless statistics lie he was
more brave than me:more blond than you.



Great poem about a worthy author. Write On!!!

kim

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54
Review of Brother Forever  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elfish Reviewer today. This review is part of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society's Vernal Equinox Elf Raid.

This was really a pleasure to read. The story moves along at a good pace and the way it is told had a lot of authenticity. That helps a reader really feel they can trust the narrator.

I liked you use of emotion and the Fire Fighter's Creed at the end of the story. It was a lovely touch that you used the partner's name for the sun and reinforces your theme.

The only suggestion that I would make is to set up the paragraphs so that only one person is speaking before there's a paragraph break. It makes it easier for a reader to follow along with who is saying what. You can keep action and dialog of the same character in the same paragraph and then start a new paragraph when the action or dialog switches to another character.

I only found one small typo below.

Yea, yea, whatever give me a hand up,” Could use a comma after whatever

Really good job.

kim

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55
55
Review of Siren song  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

My name's kim and I'll be your Elvish Review today. This review is part of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society's seasonal Equinox Raid.

I love this poem. I'm especially fond of mythology and folklore and you've managed to make it speak to morality as well.

Then with death the truth betold,
earth again takes all the gold.

I love the final stanza. And I think this tenet speaks to modern society just as it did to the anicients. Well done!

kim

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56
Review of The Best Revenge  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elfish Reviewer today. This review is part of the Spring Elf Raid sponsored by the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society.

I hate to review something that was just written, because some people have review my stuff when it wasn't finished or I didn't have time to edit or proof read so I'll only comment on the content.

This iseems like a good believable poem about a break up. Kind of reminds me of Tears of a Clown which you are probably too young to have ever heard. But it's about acting like you aren't bothered when really you are.

I think it's pretty good revenge.

Thanks for sharing.

kim

{image 1759784}
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elfish Reviewer today. This review is part of our Vernal Equinox Elf Raid, sponsored by the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society.

I've never been to Tokyo and do know much about anime, but I feel like I've seen the city now. I liked the way your traveloge wound through both exciting neon filled places and quiet temples since it gave a feeling of movement through out the scene.

A couple notes below:

Reminiscent of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis (this is just personal, I lived in the city of Metropolis for 17 years! It's in southern Illinois and is about as far removed from the movie as one can get!)


the Yurikamome monorail slipped through Odaiba’s concrete jungle like a snake in grass (I think this was my favorite line in the piece. Really evocative.

I think you did a good job of capturing both the city and the emotions of both a mother and daughter. Good job.

kim ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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58
Review of FEAR OF MY HEART  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'm a member of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society. This review is part of our Vernal Equinox Elf Raid.

I'm not an expert on poetry but I like the poem above. Especially the first stanza. I think that this poem is about young love, even children. "The girl in anklets came to me" in fact the who first stanza feels so right and certain with a good tempo.

The only suggestion that I would make is not use all caps, they can be hard to read sometimes.

Good poem.

kim

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59
59
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elfish Reviewer for today. This review is part of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society's Vernal Equinox Raid.

I think this is a very interesting and compelling back story for a science fiction story. It's fresh, with some new ideas about how humans got here. I can see you'd have a great plot line to work from for this.

This is the part that captured my attention:

They dumped invisible packages into the planet’s atmosphere, The Secret Keeper knew immediately that they were knowledge, but why would the aliens be leaving knowledge?

What a unique visual concept.

I would look forward to reading a completed story about this. Thanks.

kim

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60
Review of why wait  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

My name is kim and this review is from the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society and is part of our Vernal Equinox Elf Raid.

I liked you poem. It's full of heart felt sadness and does a very good job of conveying some difficult emotions. It's one of the saddest things I think, when a father goes away. I don't they they really know how much the ones that are left behind miss and love them.

I lost my father when I was young and your poem reminded me of him, and how much I still miss him.

Good job, because that's what poetry is supposed to do.

I only have one tiny suggestion, and the more I think about it I think about it you could just leave it the way it is.

~tooken (I thought should be taken, but..)

it seemed out of place to me at first, but it's a word that a child would use and maybe says what it should say. Yes, definitely leave it in. It reminds me of my sister when she was about 4.

Nice poem.

kim

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61
61
Review of The Beginning  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elfin Reviewer today. This review is part of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society's Vernal Equinox Elf Raid.

I found your story very interesting. I know it's silly, but is there really a guy named Braelin Overstreet? I must be getting so old I can't keep up with the latest hot guys!

Anyway, you're story read really well. You used a lot of dialog, which a lot of writers have trouble with. But your dialog was good and added to the story. Like this line below:

He started laughing at me. "Seriously, like High School Musical Zac Efron?"

"No, like Charlie St. Cloud, 2010 Zac Efron." ~ Really good.

And the last line of the story, ties it all up.

And the rest is history.

Good Fan fiction!

kim

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62
62
Review of You Are There  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

My name is kim and I'll be your Elven reviewer today. This review is from the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy society and is part of our Vernal Equinox-Spring Elf Raid.

This was a very nice poem. I thought you treated the subject matter very well and your descriptions felt simple and true. This was my favorite line.

Giving my bones marrow

The only suggestion that I can make is to put an extra blank line before the last stanza.

Really good job.

kim

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Review of Fairytale Angel  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
HI,

Just wanted to stop by and look at your poetry. I have to admit that I don't have any practical experience with poetry. I just know what I like, what speaks to me. Since I'm in a fantasy group I wanted to comment on this poem.

I think you painted a very good picture of childhood when make-believe is real and imagination is so unfettered. I think that naming the fairy tale creatures that are her friends lets a reader picture concrete images for this little girls imagination.

I really liked the poem and only found one typo:

She's to old for dolls but to young to date. [should be too in both places]

Good poem!

Hope the weather's good in your neck of the woods, it's up to 75 here today, in the 80's tomorrow. That's the thing about Kentucky, we go from winter to summer in the blink of an eye.

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

Me again, with your last review in the Tea with Lemon and Honey and a Pixie Berry Muffin (try saying that 3 times real quick) from ozarks3213 and "If I were me..." 

Pretty gory, but that's a good thing! The description was great, lots of gore. It's very easy to picture this scene. I think, just my opinion, that this could be a little stronger if there was a little more explanation for the reader about why this guys is doing this. It's apparent that he is conflicted about it. And I like the way the first section reads so that a reader may think that he is the one being hunted. I just felt that there would be more tension if there were some explanation. But really, in the real world there is no real explanation either.

I love this sentence below. Very evocative! Good job on a short-short!

surf foams in pink puffy froth where the water has begun to drink of the devastation.

kim

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65
Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Alexia,

This is a gift from ozarks3213 and is being delivered from "Invalid Item"  where we deliver hot, fresh reviews to you!

Let me first say, I love sci/fi! I think you have the beginning of a very good story here. It must be so much fun to create your own worlds. I hope you continue with this story. I love the title by the way.

I just had some suggestions that you might want to think about for the beginning.

In the second paragraph the story starts out in the first person. But then you switch to "their" I think it would flow a little smoother if maybe you tell the reader how you know this information so then it will seem to be coming from you (the pov character) Not sure if this makes any sense, but it just gave me a little pause as I was reading through it.

Their days were lived under the twin moons, Kwalo and Tynp and their nights were spent under the surface, where their houses and cities were actually built to escape the heat of their sun and the vapors it forced the planet to exert.

I just wondered how they were able to go 9 billion light-years in one day? I don't think you need a full explainantion, but something like 'with the development of the quantum flux capacitor (thanks Back to the Future) Or if the trip took 1000 years you might want to change the date, or explain why there is only one day between the journal entries. This is the tough thing about sci/fi, you can make up so much cool stuff, but it has to be believable to the people who read the stories who are pretty up on what's happening in the techno world.

I hope that you continue this. I'm a big sci/fi fan. I love imagining life on other planets and in other dimensions. I can see a couple of plots and subplots developing. Luke doesn't trust the Q, and he could be a love interest. Then there's the 2 girls and one guy thing. Quite interesting.

Thanks for writing this, I think it's great and has lots of potential!

Kim

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66
66
Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

Me again back with a final review from ozark3213 from the "Invalid Item"  Delicious reviews delivered right to your inbox.

The scene above was very interesting! I really loved the way that you showed the tone change from happy to sad just by what was happening in the setting. A reader can picture this so easily since all of your description reinforces the tone from happy to sad.

The key for me was this sentence

His eyes glittered as they gazed at the yellow-headed child that was his.

I wondered if he were going to do something with the child. In my mind, when someone's eyes glitter, they're up to no good. I'm not sure if that is what you intended, but with the change in atmosphere it appears that something bad did happen.

I think this was a good example of showing and not telling. Really well done.

kim

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67
67
Review by kim
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

This review is part of a gift from ozarks3213 and is being delivered by "Invalid Item"  The best place for tasty reviews delivered right to your door.


This was really great. Such a lovely scene from childhood. I love reading about other cultures. and you provided the sounds and smells sights that make me feel like I was really there. I especially loved the way you described the women in their sari's. It was such a splash of color there in the jungle.

Another thing I like was the way that you used all the names of the local fruit and plants. It really provides authenticity to the story and makes someone want to find out more.

There is only one suggestion that I could make, and it's very small, just an afterthought really.

This one line seemed to interrupt the parade and might be placed somewhere else.

The little blonde girl’s eyes behind a thick hedge followed this young woman until she was past her vision.

Besides that it was a really great scene.

Good job.

kim

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68
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I love this!!! I hope you won. This is so good on just so many levels that I don't even know where to begin. You never interrupted the story with too much description but I knew exactly what everything looked like and could place every scene right down to the kitten playing on the floor.


The characters were three dimensional, interesting, intelligent and witty.

The plot was strong, and it kept my interest all the way through. I would read a whole book about this lovely Witch.

But where you out did yourself was the ending. Tying all the loose ends together that had been subtly sprinkled throughout the story and even adding a kicker! Bravo!

This is such a good story. It was a pleasure to read and review.

I just noted two tiny things that caught my attention listed below:

Willow lifted the cauldron's lid and peeked over the brim--I don't know if Willow is really short or the cauldron is really tall, but this sounded to me like she was on tiptoe to look over the the edge of the cauldron. Not a big deal, I just wasn't sure what you had intended.

far from the prying eyes of passersby(s)


That's it, the rest is perfect!!!
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

This was a great little story. 1,000 words is tough to get anything across, but you did a good job. The story read well, the pace was good and it didn't feel over-worked but flowed nice and smooth. My mother was always super-punctual so I can relate the character pretty well.

The line below is the one that really caught may attention and I noticed that you repeated it 3 times which is a very satisfactory way to put forth your theme. It and a nice concise feel to it.

I was a little bit surprised. I tend to read fast and jump a head in my mind and I thought that the Homeless Guy (great name by the way) was going to cause him to be late, and in doing so, save his life. I don't know why I thought that, it's not from anything in the story. Just thought I'd mention it.

I like the way that Stanley finally found out that his life wasn't going to end just because he was late. And he showed himself to be human. Both good things.

I really didn't see anything that need attention or mistakes. All in all a nice tight story.

Thanks for the read.

kim



“It’s only a matter of time,” Homeless Guy would say each day before Stanley stepped on the bus.
70
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Review by kim
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow. That was really a lead up. I had to take a few minutes to read think about this story. You provided a lot of tension and I didn't get too anxious till about the second to last paragraph. At first I was a little let down by the ending, then I thought back to the story and saw how intentional it all was. As I continued reading the ending it became more satisfying, a better pay-off than I thought at first.

It was good. The many ways that you said no place like home seemed natural and helped build the tension.

The only suggestion I would make, and you may have done it but I missed it, was little tiny clue, that this is about baseball. But it would have to be really tiny to not blow the ending.

All in all a great story.
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow, this is some story. You had me reading like a maniac to find out what happened. The sense of tension is very real and the consequences very high for this character. I think your description is good, your characters are all very believable and your plot is superior.

I just have a couple of suggestions, that may or may not help. The plot line is so strong I felt a little bogged down by a bit of the description. I think you might be able to quicken the pace with a little editing in the section below. Just leaving the important parts so the reader doesn't feel they're being sidetracked from the action.


The faux marble floor, white square tiles corrupted by the faintest of grey streaked lines, lay framed in by genuine oak baseboards. The same dark oak created a door frame and uniform trim throughout the classroom, and a matching wall long rectangle frame holding in the huge black slate, which demanded every innocent child’s unwilling attention. The blackness had been cut by the white scrapings of chalk from Mrs. Graves’s dusty hand, and the darkness of the blackboard showed the light of knowledge.
The sounds of the small town surrounding us eked through the windows of the third floor: a car horn, a dog barking in the distance, and the sob and moan of a train as it slouched off and away from society. The sounds and smells of a dying summer, and a long school year ahead would never leave me

My second suggestion is to may be take another look at the ending. (I copied below) I think, as a reader, I have already come to some of these conclusions because of the strong story line. I felt a little disconcerted that the character was trying to tell me what conclusions to draw. For me, and this is just my opinion, I would have liked to have found out how the events affected his life when he was grown up. Or if he got over his problems. It just kind of felt like I was watching a movie and one of the actors turned around and addressed me. Not sure if I'm saying this right.

Anyway, this is a great story. Thanks for the good read.~kim

The truth is…we are all being stalked by Death. Death waits for us to fall. It doesn’t matter if it’s our fault or someone else’s, or an accident or our genetic makeup. All he has to do is bide his time, and then, engulfing us in his cloak, he takes us.
Knowledge is power, and knowing the truth…this epiphany…I formulated a plan.
How fascinating the truth really is, and how powerful it can be. This is something most people don’t really think about it, because the truth really does hurt. The masses would rather live in fantasy as an escape from the truth of their lives. But occasionally, very rarely, there are times when you delve into the truth, and find yourself buried in the fantastic. As Mark Twain once said, “Truth is stranger than fiction...”
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Review of DEAR ME  
Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review fromStarsong and is being deliver from the good folks at the "Invalid Item"  where hot and tasty reviews are delivered right to your door.

I'm not exactly sure why I chose this item in your port, I was drawn to it for some reason, and I'm so glad I was. I think you make some excellent points about taking care of yourself and remaining true to your values. I came up with a quote today, if no one claims it I'll attribute it to myself "The greatest courage that you can have is the courage to be yourself." I try to do this everyday.

Also, I lost my mother this past fall, so I totally identify with your thoughts and feeling for your mom. It just has to get better with time.

I wish you the best in your quest. A really nice to note to self.

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kim
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Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

It's me again, with another review from a secret fan, delivered by the Elven Tea Garden, you're first stop shop for tasty reviews.

This is a terrific poem. I can't imagine how it must be to lose a parent to alzheimers. But I think you painted a picture a of a real woman, living a real life who is now drifting away to a place no one can follow.

I love you're imagery in the first part of the poem about the stained glass window with the crayon colors. It really evokes a young child. Then you slip through the shades of red and link them so well with the different stages of a woman's life. And then the line about varnish, stain and seal puts a closure, a finish to that part of a life.

In the next section you show where things fall apart, no longer make sense and the anger. Her inhibitions are gone, she's no longer she and talks like a sailor and will strike out, then she retreats.

I know that this must have been written from experience. It rings so so true. It's wonderful poem about a very difficult subject.

kim
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Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

This review is from a secret fan, and is from the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item" 

My name is kim and I'll be your reviewer today.

First of all let me say this is really a wonderful story! I was glued to the screen all the way through. The story had tensions that was relieved by quiet, gentle moments. I just had to keep reading and find out what happened to this wonderful Annie. I love your metaphor about the ugliest kitten! She had one of the worst childhoods you can imagine.

I especially loved the part about the bottle with all the jewels and mirrors glued to it and the fairy named Starlight! Doesn't every little girl have fantasy like that, about magic and fairies?

The adults were mostly atrocious, each in their own dispicable way. I was so glad to find out that she finally got a good home and parent who appreciated her. I thought the story would end there, but then when her sister is taken , it's like you remind us that evil is out there all the time and nothing is ever done and safe.

Thanks for this story. There was just one typo that I noticed.

plummeted - I think means falling. It would be okay in dialog but since you're describing what the step father is doing I think you mean pummeling.

Thanks again,

kim

plummeted
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Review by kim
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

This review is from a secret friend through the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item"  I'm Kim and I'll be your reviewer today.

I read several items in your port, and you have a lovely way with words. I decided to do a review of this for a selfish reason, I haven't read the Twilight books and have only seen the movies.

I think you did and excellent job of reviewing the books. I feel like I really got a good sampling of what, happened, what the characters were like and all the high spots of the stories.

I'm sure that you captured a lot of the themes in the books, since I feel like I know Bella much better now, than I did after the second movie.

It truly is an epic romance. Much like Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde. Beautiful stories about people so in love the are willing to rish their lives for each other.

More than anything else, your review made me want to go out and get the books. I'm sure they are much better than the movies.

Thanks again for a great read and synopsis.

kim
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