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392 Public Reviews Given
393 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi,

This review is from the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item"  Tea Parties for all occasions, and has been sent to you by starpmm13


This is a wonderful story, well worked out and well planned with a great and satisfying ending. Collier is such in interesting and thought-provoking character! I really like that the teachers finally got together and figured out just how smart she was. The part about her figuring out the mean average for the grade curve and testing according was a very compelling indication of just how smart she was.

I enjoyed this story.

Just as a side note, I picked your story to review based on your profile name Ironworker. My husband is a retired boilermaker, so I've met lots of ironworkers.

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Winnie!

This review has been ordered up from the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item"  a wholly owned subsidiary of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society. and was purchased for you by Riot Hope you enjoy!

This was a delightful story and so appropriate for the younger set. I can actually picture this in print with some great illustrations. I love stories that have a moral, how else can we teach kids wrong from right? I think that your moral for this story is not to believe idle, unfounded gossip, and the mother does a good job of setting an excellent example for her daughter. Another message I read was to face up to your fears and meet them head on, another great lesson.

While I was reading through the story I noted how appropriate the names of the characters seemed. I can picture Gladys quite well. It's not a name that you hear much these days. But it was my grandmother's next-door neighbors name as well.

Your description was terrific, from the skeleton like fingers of the maple tree, which helped to instill some tension and foreboding, to Molly's button eyes (it let me know that Molly was a rag doll).

The story flowed very well and delivered a very satisfactory ending. I only had one stutter while reading. " Well, Dear Gussie, I don‘t know what to say." Now that I read this over I think it must be a colloquialism (?). I just hadn't heard it before.

But anyway, this is a great children's story. Thanks for the great read.

kim
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Review of Byte Flight  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this! This was such a complete story and such a lovely twist at the end. And not just the end but the very last line. It was deftly rendered and felt longer than it's 300 words. I really don't see a hair out of place on this one. Just perfect the way it is. Great job.

I'm writing this review on behalf of the brand new Elven Tea Room. Sig coming soon.

kim
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Review of Caffeine  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this. I don't know anything about poetry forms but I really loved your poem. I'm a caffeine drinker and while I can't drink it at night I can't live without it in the morning. I drink tea after noon, but it doesn't compare to coffee. Good job.

Kim
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The sun stood high in the sky, but under the thick canopy of leaves the daylight only managed to brighten the forest to a permanent twilight.

Wonderful way to set the stage.

The trees loomed over them, seeming to shift closer. The branches reached toward them, grabbing for their faces. But they trudged onward. A cold wind raced through the branches, surrounding the boys with groans and creaks that stalled them in their tracks.

Very effective. And I like the ending and the shift in POV. I think it's genius to finish it this way. The eerie and scary foreshadowing in the first part of the story prepares you for the creature at the end. Great read. I'm all about the short story.

There's only one word that caused me to pause. Peripheral, I think is an adjective and needs to modify something. Like peripheral vision. But I think that periphery sounds a little stilted for a young character. Just out of sight, maybe?
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Review of So Little Time  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congrats Finn! Your story was included in the Noticing Newbies newsletter!
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Review of Imagine  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is really wonderful on so many levels, mature and sophisticated, sad and hopeful. I really love the theme and the vehicle that you used to deliver it. Your descriptive narrative is first rate. There is only one small thing that I would change. I think that a fir tree has needles instead of leaves. But that is absolutely the only thing that I noticed. Thanks for the great read.
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow! Really impressive to do a whole story in just dialog. I'm lucking if I can make it to 500 words. I was really impressed with all the characters, I didn't get lost at all and always knew who was talking. It was really good complete with twists and really believable dialog. Good luck!
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Review of The Scary Truth  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Perfect. The description is lively and the dialog is quite interesting and really speeds the story along. I know two little girls who still believe. And I'm glad that Carl was graceful enough to continue the tradition. I thought it was well crafted and was really fun to read.

Thanks

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
At first I thought that you were writing this story about me. I'm not always late, everyone else is early. I think you kept the story strong and it unfolded nicely. I liked the twist about Hal being early one day and causing his boss to have a heart attack. I was wondering if there was going to be a twist and there was! The old adage about being late to your own funeral.
Good story, told in few words with a good ending.

Review for the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society.

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I know that this isn't a whole story, but it is such a beautiful heartfelt scene I'm really moved. The first half of the story could be describing a child, small and darting, balancing cups and plates. But the last few lines show so much dignity. And the final line is so true it stabs you in the heart. Really a wonderful read.

kim

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Review by kim
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really like this story and am so impressed that you used so many quotes. It feels so fresh and quirky, but real life, in a very playful way. I love doing any kind of contest with a prompt. But ten? I think I would have a very hard time with that! Really fun. Thanks for such a great read.
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story. I just don't know how I'll ever figure out how to write a fifty-five word story. But yours is good. It gives a good indication of the character and what his life has been like up to this point. And everyone loves Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Good luck.

You've been read by and Elf!

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Now that is what I call eroticism! I felt like a voyeur right along side you. The poem is extremely sensuous and more than a little naughty. I think that you said before that you didn't write very good poetry. I think you are wrong! I also liked the way you led into the fantasy realm with an incubus. That just makes everything okay!

You've been read by and Elf! (but you knew that already)

kim

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Review of Swimming  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great job! This was very visual for me, right up to the end. You made me think of one of those old-fashioned claw-footed tubs. And then I picture a little kid, swimming and swimming. The 55 word challenge has to be one of the hardest contests, atleast for me.
Good job.

You've been read by an Elf!

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good story. I have an 11 year-old friend, and this is his favorite saying. He's always bored. It's hard to tell a story in 300 words, but you did a good job. It makes you think about how many jobs are boing, the same old thing over and over, even at the North Pole.

You've been read by an Elf!

kim

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Review of Georgie Flies  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Man, where do I start? Wonderful tale. You had me totally with the kid's view of life. So real, like time stretching out infinitely when you're little. Then the sad life that happens to all of us in one way or another. Then it gets worse. But I'm there all the way. And even though I know it's coming the ending wraps it up in a lovely little package. This is a great story. The nikes at the ending really were a superb touch. And I loved the way you changed tone from section to section., I could really feel the story change. This was fantastic!

Thanks,

kim

You've been read by an Elf!

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Review of Wall Gnomes  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
At first I thought this might be about Hobbits. Then I thought it might be about mice. Then I thought it might be about gnomes. Even though you never said, I think it's about gnomes. Oh, and did I mention that I love this story. An argyle! Quite and accomplishment. This is very fun. It makes me think that there's a whole novel here. Great Job. Five Stars!

Kim

Of course I love all of your stuff.

You've been read by an Elf!

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Quirky and fun. This is the second story of yours that I've read today. You have very good command of English. This story reminded me of something that might appear on the Twilight Zone. There's plenty of suspense and the scene itlself adds a lot to the tension in the story. I loved the laugh at the end. Good job and good luck!

You've been read by an Elf!

kim

(cool sig huh?)

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Review of Black Friday  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good job. A little profanity goes a long way in lowering one's blood pressure. A good take on the prompt. I have a lot of respect for those of you who do it in rhyme! I hope that your Christmas will be a little less hectic than the scene at the store. Happy Holidays.

Elf Raid!

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Now this really is in the spirit of Christmas. No one takes the time to relax and enjoy the moment. It's all about buying stuff, stuff, stuff. I really like your poem. But I have to admit I'm heading out right now to buy more of that stuff, stuff, stuff.

Have a merry Christmas.

kim

Elf Raid!

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this. Really beautiful. And even though I don't know about poetry (very much) the meter and rhyme scheme seems very lyrical. It's a wonderful poem told in so few lines, but says so much and leaves me with a hopeful but melancholy feeling. Great job.

You have been raided by and Elf from the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society

Write On!

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great Job! I laughed out loud 3 times while reading this. Your humorous description is exceptional. This was a funny, funny piece! One of the problems that I have is interior monologue, but it's obvious that you don't. I think that was what made this story so great for me. I really had a sense of the main character and how he thought, and thus how he is.

Great job. I don't give out 5's too often but this really deserves it.

kim

You have been raided by an elf! In the name of the season. Write on!

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Review of Winter Rain  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great story. I think we all remember how it was to be a child. The delight and mystery that the world held. I think that everyone wants to recapture those days. I have 2 little girls that I take care of and I'm able to recapture that delight by looking at their faces and seeing the mystery in their eyes. They asked me yesterday if I believed in Santa Claus. And of course I told them I did. They also asked if he still brought me presents. And I said no, Santa Claus only stops to deliver presents to children. But I still believe.


There's just one thing that I think you got wrong.The world does care about you being a good or bad person.

Happy Holidays

kim




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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I almost feel like a voyeur reading this poem. We actually had cream puffs last night at a Christmas party. You do a perfect job of describing this tantalizing treat. And then you get to the last line and have a great twist. Something that I think is kind of difficult to do in poetry. Good job. This was delicious! (Pun intended!)

kim

Elf Raid

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