You know, really wouldn't surprise me if this isn't how it really is.
New definition of GONE HOLLYWOOD.
I thouroughly enjoyed your post here. It is creative with a slice of
'jab- right between the eyes'- type of deal.
Hmm, that made no sense. Oh well....
Honestly I liked this piece. Intelligently done.
Caught my attention by its title and kept me interested all the way thru it.
Very, Very Good!
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In answer to the derisive question asked by a white man, "Where are your lands now?"
With his left hand pointing Crazy Horse replied, "My lands are where my dead lie buried."
I liked this story overall and I think that you are a talented writer. Gifted with an ability to create the scene and bring the reader into your world. Congratulations on this fine bit of tale.
There were some errors though. I'm willing to give my two and a half cents worth if you're interested in finding out what exactly those are. No doubt you have already had your share of critiques so I'll spare you that. Again though I will point out if you really want..
The point is despite those minor things.... You have a gift. Use it please and bring more worlds to eager minds like mine. OK?
Congrats on capturing my attention and keeping it.
Okay, I'll admit it (kicking and screaming mind you,..) I liked this.
You've a knack for doing the impossible it seems....making me like a 'romantic' post. That's a rare and phenomenal accomplishment if I don't say so myself.
Noteworthy/Favorite Line
You say it's hard to lend a hand when you don't know
This is a very good post. I really liked it, and that isn't just being nice either!
You are deep inside your feelings and aware of the meanings emotions activate. (sounds a bit odd that did, but I hope you still got the compliment)
I cannot say anything needs 'corrected' or whathaveyou..
I like. Keep going and post more like this please!
I am a bit leary in reviewing this because I am not certain I fully comprehended what you were talking about.
If it is what I believe it is about, then I extend my condolences to you.
But (again basing this off of what my interpretations were) I suggest that you do not let any blame remain in your head or in your heart.
People are gonna do what they want to regardless, so don't fret too much on this.
I only hope that I did not misinterpret this. Boy will I feel the fool if I did.
Nice little bit of prose you have here.
Unfortunate though the situation that warranted the composing of it however.
It is nice to see that you are a good friend, to create this I mean.
Overall a good job.
Nothing to correct or anything I can see wrong with it.
Congrats.
How interesting!
For having been written as you stated by an eleven year old this is good.
I can see the potential for that kid to become an aspiring and accomplished writer. How this is to be reviewed though remains a mystery to me.
How can I rate this without seeming crass or plain old mean?
I dunno.
First and foremost let me offer my sincerest thanks to your father and for his service to his country.
Now on to the review:
Overall I enjoyed reading this piece and I firmly believe that you are a talented writer. Your choice words in this poem easily conveys the level of devotion you have for him (your father).
The only thing I can see that might need attention paid to was in the description: weakened by being gassed during that great war
perhaps 'from' instead of 'by' ?
Other than that I liked what I read and congratulate you.
Wow.
This is a very good story. I am impressed (and that is putting it mildly).
You definitely have a worthwhile entry into this month's contest. It really would not surprise me if this isn't the winner.
There wasn't anything that I could find incorrect at all in this piece. Vocabulary, punctuation, etc. was all top notch.
This is a good post.
You can see the talent easily within the scripted words.
There is a sense of loneliness that I completely understand and I salute you
on getting that message across perfectly.
Welcome to WDC!
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Well well to my eyes you have a strong grasp on the very meaning of Love!
I take my hat off to you for this piece.
There are so many things that I like in this post that to mention them would basically take up the whole page! My congratulations to you and I hope that this was inspired by a real person.
Even if it was not, whenever you find that certain someone, they'll be lucky to have you in their life.
Interesting way to funnel the old insecuritiies eh? Public forum? Lol.
That's definitely one way to make an impression on the ladies.
Not sure that is way I'd have gone about it.
Writing style is good all around.
Nothing to fix or anything I can see.
The fact, my friend, is surely sad.
We're all a kin by hurts we've had.
Appears to be our common start.
Really is just pain of heart,
Good grasp on reality you seem to have. I enjoyed this piece overall.
I cannot really see anything that may need attention to (correction)
so keep up the good work and welcome to WDC!
The rhyming started off fairly well then sort of clashed towards the end there. What happened? It seems like you went with one style initially and then changed it up. I am not sure if that necessarily is a form of writing but I believe if I would have done that I'd have gotten slammed! hehe...
Cute idea nonetheless and a good attempt thus far.
Try and think it over and perhaps you'll see what I mean.
My only major suggestion to this piece: You need to beware of run-on sentences. There are several in this piece and I find them a distraction as well as something that causes the flow to get disrupted. I have the tendancy to make the same mistake, so...
Other than that I liked this cute tale.
Keep up the writing and have a good one.
I am not sure what you were or trying to go for when writing this piece.
Whatever it may have been I honestly can say I did not like this at all.
My preference of course, but the way the world is now this is the last sort of thing we need to promote.
If this is what you think is worthwhile to write then I shudder to think what the future holds.
Grammar and punctuation are ok. Content is however not my cup of tea.
Nice interpretation.
It was written professionally, and in a respectful manner.
It is interesting the way it is composed as well.
The style i mean.
The overall conscious choice made in the subject's selection
is quite admirable. Showing me that the original (novel) has not been forgotten.
I appreciate that immensely.
The pain here is truly tangible.
The sorrow in the words is magnificently expressed.
Unfortunately it seems that works of this powerful nature only come from
living the experience, and I am sorry to see someone else go through this too.
My hat goes off to you and congratulations on composing such a fine literary piece.
The only thing that I can see that may need attention to is the lack of punctuation.
Perhaps though, that was the intent.
Either way - KEEP WRITING!!!
And I don’t know why My heart slowly dies
And makes me lose myself completely
Very good. There's pain in these words and
you've gotten them across beautifully.
Cannot see too much of anything that I believe needs attention to
(except the missing periods and all....I mean you used question marks...)
Nice work.
Hang in there!!
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