Cute and creative this is. It is as witty as some of the best out there.
I did like the ' ...A bit of info supply' part especially. Rather enjoyable the manner in which you write is. Keep it going and I think you'll turn some heads here.
No doubt we are dealing with a person gifted with not only talent to create but a very powerful imagination as well. You are going to go very far not only on this site, but in the literary world as well.
One suggestion though: keep an eye on the tense you are writing in (past and/or present). It was a little jumpy between the two (at least to my eyes it was).
You do not want to have your story come across chaotic. Good job and keep on writing!!
What a wonderful and poignant way to describe the wonders of life and tragedy of aging. I particularly like the point you made regarding choice(s)
in:
'No thought to who I've hurt or what I've done'
It is true that youthful vigor oftentimes supercedes proper decision making, causing us to do things that later on in life we regret. It is the agressive nature of trying too hard to grow up to fast. Learning through experience is the only way to truly gain wisdom in life (in my opinion). Otherwise we just become older children having no idea what life is really about.
It seems you've got the wisdom of which I speak. Good for you.
Kudos for this piece & Keep writing!!
Hi there. I really enjoyed this work of prose.
It is easy to follow, and interesting to boot. There have been
similar works like this, but for some reason I cannot pinpoint right now this one grabbed my attention and held it.
I liked it and congratulations on such a fine job.
My particular favorite:
'Even today I am unclear as to what made me speak to you that day.
Maybe the brightness of your path or the turmoil on my own.
I felt the need to talk to you.'
"The fearsome general, satisfied by the promptness of her troops, cheerfully leaped from her perch and quietly landed on the damp ground below."
This sentence is very well done, I believe at least.
I like the way you describe 'action'.
Colorful yet subtle.
Not sure what the bold text is all about but oh well...:)
Hello there my friend.
This is one of the most beautiful works I have ever read here on WDC.
My heart knows that pain. I will not say that it is similar, for each of us are individual and our pain is unique. I only state that I know it.
My heart goes out to you. I know first hand that nothing will ever get rid of the pain felt afterward, nor does it ease with time. Learn from it. Keep it.
You will move on.
I am sorry for you having to go through this sort of emotional turmoil. I know it personally all too well. But the one good and bright side I can point out to you at this moment in time is that:
I liked your work and you are going to go far here at WDC.
Creative this piece is! You are definitely an author in the making!
It reminded me of something I did a long time ago, similar, but not exactly.
Your use of descriptive words is admirable and interesting in the way you write them.
Overall I liked this piece. You are tenacious in your determination to describe the overall inevitability of darkness and doom.
I like that. To me it demonstrates character. Self exploration in philosophical and spiritual areas shows wisdom developing.
If you are truly a newcomer to the literary world, it is hard to tell.
My favorite parts were:
'Stumbling aimlessly through the darkness of day.
Hating, berating. Jealousy consuming my soul.
Hello there.
I want to start off by saying that you are creative and going to go very far on
this site. Overall I liked what I read, but at the same time I think that the manner in which the spacing is done....kinda leaves me in the negative. Perhaps (most likely) it is just me but it isn't appealing to the 'eye'. Does that make much sense?
Hello and thank you for posting such a beautifully worded piece.
When somone displays a personal item such as this, I believe it
truly honors the memory of the loved ones lost the most.
The highest form of tribute to me is sharing
You have done that very well here.
I am thouroughly impressed.
I offer my condolences to you for your loss.
Hello there. I have no doubt that you are and accomplished author judging by what I see here so far. It is nice to have creative individuals such as yourself here at WDC.
Overall I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to seeing more in the near future, but for now let me state that you have done a fine job.
Hello. Interesting way to post this- using the colors and bold face I mean. It is from the heart that is certain. You have a way about expressing your thoughts that is rare and following your success here at WDC is something that I look forward in doing.
Hello. I want to start this review off by saying that I can completely relate to the subject matter in this. Also I feel that it was well written and composed in such a fine manner that I cannot see (really) anything that needs either corrected or changed. Thank you for posting this and look forward to going far here at WDC.
Well there, this is indeed an uplifting poem! :)
It is at least in my eyes. As you by now probably can tell that I like the more 'darker' types of literature and yours easily falls within that description.
Overall the poem was well written and composed.
Hello there. Let me start by saying that if this is your first poem ever then you are destined to be an author! Overall I liked the poem and its contents were intriguing. I am not an expert by any measure but I was concerned initially about the way it rhymed one minute but not the next. Oh well, what do I know..hehe.
Hello there. From what I read I can see that you have a good sense of reality. By that I mean you have taken quite some time to investigate what it is that encompasses you as a human being. Self reflection has many ways to be misinterpreted however, which is sad in its own right. Often people misconstrue wisdom for insecurity. At least that is what I believe. You are strong and wise.
As far as your work is concerned let me state that I liked it very much and you are a good writer. I can not see anything other than my eagerness to read more of what you are willing to offer to WDC. Thanks and keep posting!!
You definitely have the gift for composing beautiful and heartfelt prayers.
Obviously you are a devout religious person.
You are passionate in your declaration of belief.
The only circumstance that throws this particular piece into what I call 'confusion' is that you misspelled a fundamental word:
Alpha and the Omega, not 'alfa.'
Nonetheless, I encourage you to keep writing.
Oh, and be careful on the capitols also, friend..
Hello.
I wanted to take a moment to give my impression on this work of yours.
I like the fact that you are analytical, insightful, and have the courage to ask questions such as these.
On a personal note: You write in many ways like I tend to do.
The only thing I found really at 'fault' with this was in your sentence:
'Just why is the future so fascinating and so pressing, or for some
, depressing. ' ----------shouldn't there be a question mark at the end of this sentence??
First off I would like to say that I enjoyed reading this piece. You are an intelligent individual that is for certain (judging by your inquisitiveness and choice of topics).
The only thing that I can say that might be changed/added is the run-on sentences. Separating long sentences with either a comma, semi-colon or in certain parts just a plain old period could do wonders.
This is certainly an educational and interesting piece of literature. I have been on WDC for a little while now and am slowly finding my way through this immense site. The reviewing of other's work is for me difficult in many ways. But with the helpful suggestions above I feel that I can now proceed to the ranks of a 'decent' reviewer.
Hello.
I wanted to say that I was very impressed with your work here.
Not only is it interesting to read, but neatly done as well.
You have a good way of describing the scene- in my eyes at least.
I hope to see more of your work.
Very good.
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