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Review of Shadow Self  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello iluvhorses Author Icon

This is a very good acrostic that I found enjoyable to read. With Acrostics it can be hard to maintain an even pace but your use of short lines really helps achieve this and the poem is easy to read.

I really like the way you deal with hope in the first stanza, and fear in the second. You have a very strong last line.

I don't think you need the comma before 'awakens' in your opening line especially as this effectively lengthens what is already one of your longer lines. You could even consider a shorter version of this line by simply having 'Sunrise awakens'.

I really like this poem, and the title (which also forms the 'message' of the acrostic) is very fitting.

Keep writing,


Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of Depression  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author Icon

This is a very good attempt to capture the essence of depression which is a very complex illness. Although depression can be experienced differently by different people you write of some of the elements that are most common. One thing you do particularly well is capture the dichotomy of wanting to be left alone while needing company and support.

The only line that troubled me is 'I want left here alone.' This feels awkward, as if words have been left out to fit the poem's rhythm. For me the words 'to be' are missing between want and left. If you decide to work on this line and think adding 'to be' makes the line too long, perhaps additionally removing the word 'here' might help. Just a suggestion.

Overall I found a lot to like in this short poem. You are certainly to be commended for tackling a difficult subject matter.


Best wishes,
Mark

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178
178
Review of My Fairytale  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello blue jellybaby Author Icon

This is a wonderfully creative poem that captures the power of the imagination. It ably demonstrates how we can all be drawn-in to our daydreams, and the hold they can have over us. I love the change part-way through the poem when the pleasurable fairytale turns to nightmare. All the best fairytales have their monsters, don't they?

This poem flows well and is a joy to read. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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179
179
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Redtowrite Author Icon

This is a very beautiful, heart-breaking poem about the loss of your daughter. You convey the intense emotion very well. Your words are carefully chosen and the poem flows well. You use imagery to great effect. I especially like the image of flowers as lollipops. This made me smile.

There is nothing I would change about this poem. It's a wonderful eulogy to Courtney.

I like the hopeful tone at the end of the poem, demonstrating your faith that you will meet her again.

Thanks for sharing such a personal, moving poem.

Best wishes,
Mark

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180
180
Review of Always Autumn  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Iva Lilly Durham Author Icon

This is a beautiful poem of love and memory. The joy is in the detail, and the images you create in the reader's mind. I especially loved the image of the picnic blanket being weighed down with pumpkins. That made me smile.

Your last stanza evokes a sense of loss and seperation. This adds poignancy that I'm sure many parted lovers can relate to.

This was a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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181
Review of What if?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello aralls

This is a really positive, uplifting poem, speculating on a potential romance and where it could lead. I'm sure everyone reading this has asked these kinds of questions from time to time. This makes your choice of subject matter easy to relate to.

You use rhyme to good effect here, and overall your poem flows well.

I particularly like your line, 'linking our souls like an unbroken chain'.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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182
182
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Josh Author Icon

This is an interesting, reflective poem on the mess that man can make when given the world.

You have some interesting ideas here that could be expanded upon.

The main difficulty I see with this poem is that the pace is very uneven. There are glimpses of rhythm in your shorter lines, aided by your use of rhyme.

I found your last stanza reads particularly awkwardly for three reasons:

1) you abandon the rhyme scheme established in earlier stanzas.

2) the repetition of the word 'easily' is rather jarring, at least in my opinion.

3) your last line is very long and really doesn't fit well with the rest of the poem.

Reading your work aloud (or asking someone else to do it for you) may help you hear where the flow of the poem breaks down.

There is potential for a very good poem here. It just needs some more work to get there.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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183
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Redtowrite Author Icon

This is a very topical and very powerful poem about the current situation in Syria. You've made a good choice by focusing in on one family's devastation, and using that to represent the larger scale horror.

The opening image in the poem is shocking, and grabs the reader's attention.

You avoid sounding preachy or patronising in any way. The poem has a polished feel being just the right length to do justice to the subject.

I can't think of any suggestions to improve this, thus the five star rating.

You've done an excellent job with a very difficult and harrowing subject.

Best wishes,
Mark

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184
Review of A Love Poem, Life  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Tim Chiu Author Icon

You've chosen two huge themes to explore in this short poem: love and life. In so doing it would have been easy to slip either into cliche or into sweeping generalisations with nothing very new to say. Overall you've successfully avoided these pitfalls.

I love the imagery of your opening two lines. A particularly striking beginning.

You've also made a good choice, in my opinion, by writing of a wedding before widening your focus in a more cosmic final stanza.

You use rhyme to good effect and your poem has good pace and rhythm.

The only line I found a little weak is 'A ceremony which they saw'. This doesn't really say much, and feels rather banal in contrast to the rest of the poem. It also switches the tense from present tense in the previous line to past tense which I found a little jarring.

Otherwise I think you've done a great job with this, and I enjoyed reading it.

Best wishes,
Mark

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185
185
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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GROUP
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello svenalo Author Icon

This is a wonderful, topical poem on watching the recent transit of venus.

You take the opportunity to contrast our short, fragile lives with the imensity and longevity of the universe. This makes for a very thoughtful piece of work.

You've chosen your words well, used rhyme to good effect and maintain a strong rhythm throughout the poem.

Great job!
Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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186
186
Review of Let Freedom Ring  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Liam Author Icon

I love the etheree, and this poem is an excellent example of what can be achieved with the form.

Your words flow together well and there is a good rhythm to the poem, helped by thoughtful use of rhyme, alliteration, and also the repetition of the word 'us' early in the poem.

The subject matter is wide-ranging -- from birth to death, no less. It is well handled and gives the reader pause for thought.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark

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187
187
Review of I Will Dance  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Graywriter Author Icon

This is an uplifting, philosphical poem about continuing to engage in the dance of life. This really put a smile on my face. Although touching on the subject of death I found your last stanza emotive in a positive way.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark

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188
188
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Tim Chiu Author Icon

This is a well written free-verse poem on bowling. Bowling can seem a very dull subject unless you're actually doing it, so to have written a poem on this subject that holds the reader's interest is an achievement you should be commended on. I enjoy bowling myself but had never looked at it philosophically myself. Although, as your description suggests, you touch on philosophical issues here I feel there is room to expand on this aspect of the poem.

Also the rhythm of the poem is a little uneven in places I think (though it may just be how I'm reading it, and I could be wrong). It may be worth reading the poem aloud to see if you can hear any parts that may be slightly edited to flow more smoothly.

Otherwise I found this an enjoyable, and thought-provoking poem.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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189
189
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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GROUP
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello thebluehue

This is an emotionally engaging little poem that I found very symbolic. I love the way you've used colour to evoke mood here. Beneath the surface meaning about the variety of colours roses can have there is a poignant comment on what it's like to be broken hearted and to feel that romance is dead. Anyone who has been hurt by love could relate to these words.

Great job.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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190
190
Review of Desperado  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Scottiegazelle Author Icon

I saw your poem highlighted in this week's poetry newsletter and just had to review it because I'm a big Johnny Cash fan.

You've chosen a particularly difficult form to write in. I've never been brave enough to attempt a sestina myself. I think you deserve lots of credit for even trying. On the whole your attempt is successful. I think in this form the words you end your lines with have to be very strong to stand up to so much repetition. I think you've chosen these words well.

You've captured well the spirit of much of Johnny Cash's music: the lonely, wandering deperado. Your title is fitting.

I do feel the flow of the poem is rather uneven. Perhaps reading the poem aloud will help smooth out any bumps. Sometimes just changing a word in a line or readjusting the word order can make the poem read more smoothly.

Overall this is a sterling effort.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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191
191
Review of My Survival  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Lonewolf Author Icon

This is a very emotional poem, expressing a range of feelings which I'm sure many readers will be able to relate to.

That said, I feel the poem is lacking something specific to pin those emotions to. By that I mean you elude to 'an episode' that triggers your emotional response but give no details. I think there's scope to expand this poem by giving a bit more information. This could strengthen what is already a very good poem in my opinion. As it stands it raises more questions in the reader's mind than it answers.

Your line, 'forever I will have this shame.' feels a little bit awkward in my humble opinion. It breaks up the flow a little bit. Perhaps something like 'I will always have this shame' could work better. Overall though the poem has a nice rhythm and you use rhyme well.

I enjoyed reading your work.

Write on!


Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of One and the Same  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Dan Sturn Author Icon

This is a beautifully written, descriptive poem which shows how everything in nature is interconnected including us human beings. You use personification and images of nature to great effect.

I like the way you address the reader directly with your use of 'you' in your last stanza.

This poem put a smile on my face, and I found it positive and uplifting. Your title neatly sums up the theme of the poem.

Keep writing!


Best wishes,
Mark

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193
Review of The Home Sampler  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Fyn Author Icon

This is a beautifully written, insightful poem about living with someone who has bipolar. It reveals how it isn't just the person with the disorder who suffers but their loved ones too. It does this without being in any way self-pitying and I commend you for that.

The sewing analogy works really well throughout the poem. It becomes particularly poignant in your last line.

I love the way you use colour to evoke mood in the middle stanza of the poem. I also enjoyed the rhyme in your last stanza.

I found this poem very creative, with a great flow to your words.

It was a pleasure to read and I find no fault with it at all. You obviously put a lot of work into it, and it has a very polished feel.

Best wishes,
Mark

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194
Review of The Promise  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Simple Dykie Author Icon

This is a powerful, thoughtful poem that I really enjoyed reading. The poem has a good pace and strong rhythm aided by a regular rhyme scheme which helps your words flow well.

The subject matter of the poem -- the two men and the promise between them -- is told well and I found it captivating. I like how you switch viewpoint between the two characters but I was a little disorientated during my first read, at times not quite sure which character's head I was in. I think you could signal your changes in viewpoint more clearly by either putting an asterisk (*) before a stanza where the point of view changes (eg. stanzas four and five) or breaking the poem into numbered sections.

I've mentioned your rhyme scheme, and you use rhyme really well. I particularly like the wind/rescind rhyme in your first stanza. You do use one partial rhyme later in the poem (greets/tree) which I found disrupted the rhythm a bit, and stands out more because the rest of your rhyme words are so strong.

I like the revelation in the very last word of your poem. This makes for a really strong, emotional ending.

I hope these comments have been useful.

Overall I think you've done a great job with this.

Keep writing.
Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of The Home Sampler  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Fyn Author Icon


Best wishes,
Mark

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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GROUP
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Harry Author Icon

This little poem about the 'river horse' is full of interesting details, and I found it very informative. The bit about the red pigment in the skin secretions I found particularly fascinating.

I think 'On top of head are nostrils, eyes and small ears' a rather bland description. I think this could be elaborated on, and bought more vividly to life for the reader.

For me personally this reads more like a succinct prose description than poetry. That said, it's well written and wouldn't be out of place in a wildlife book.

You might also want to consider putting in a note to explain what animal the 'river horse' is more commonly known as for those of us who don't know.
Is it a rhino or a hippo?

Thanks for sharing your work
Best wishes,
Mark

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197
197
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dave Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This poem is an excellent example of the sonnet form. It has a quick, even pace and a strong rhythm aided by good choice of rhyme words. You paint a vivid, mythical picture in the limited space the form provides. I really like your title, and it's well suited to the poem.

Congratulations for having this poem place in so many contests. All the awards it's received are well deserved.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark

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198
198
Review of Why Am I?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Open in new Window. (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Liam Author Icon

This is a reflective, introspective poem where the narrator questions God's intentions.

I think many readers will relate to this subject. I know I've asked similar questions myself.

The poem's rhyme scheme helps create a good rhythm. There was just one line I thought was just a little long:

What is it that You want from me?


I think this would read better if the word 'that' was taken out.

Thanks for sharing your poem.


Best wishes,
Mark

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Open in new Window. (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Piau Author Icon

This is an interesting poem that shows the possibilities in telling a story; revealing its potential to be a variety of things.

I found the flow of the poem rather uneven. This is partly due to your irregular line lengths and also a lack of consistency in your use of rhyme. A more regular rhyme scheme could help give the poem more rhythm.

You may find it useful to try reading your poem aloud.

In the last line of your first and last stanzas I don't think the comma is necessary. It creates a rather unnatural pause in my opinion. The line in question would read better if the comma is taken out.

I like how your last stanza is a repeat of the first.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello R.C. Author Icon

This monologue carries a strong message, conveying a warning about our possible future.

I like the glimmer of hope that emerges in your last paragraph with its image of the solitary plant growing out of the desert wasteland.

Overall this is well written though I did spot a couple of errors. 'Forrest' should be 'forest' with one r. In the sentence 'Your one too.', 'your' should be 'you're'.

Hope this helps.

Keep writing,

Best wishes,
Mark

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