*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/markone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
Review Requests: OFF
1,452 Public Reviews Given
1,692 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 11 12 13 ... Next
176
176
Review of What if?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello aralls

This is a really positive, uplifting poem, speculating on a potential romance and where it could lead. I'm sure everyone reading this has asked these kinds of questions from time to time. This makes your choice of subject matter easy to relate to.

You use rhyme to good effect here, and overall your poem flows well.

I particularly like your line, 'linking our souls like an unbroken chain'.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
177
177
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Josh

This is an interesting, reflective poem on the mess that man can make when given the world.

You have some interesting ideas here that could be expanded upon.

The main difficulty I see with this poem is that the pace is very uneven. There are glimpses of rhythm in your shorter lines, aided by your use of rhyme.

I found your last stanza reads particularly awkwardly for three reasons:

1) you abandon the rhyme scheme established in earlier stanzas.

2) the repetition of the word 'easily' is rather jarring, at least in my opinion.

3) your last line is very long and really doesn't fit well with the rest of the poem.

Reading your work aloud (or asking someone else to do it for you) may help you hear where the flow of the poem breaks down.

There is potential for a very good poem here. It just needs some more work to get there.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
178
178
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Redtowrite

This is a very topical and very powerful poem about the current situation in Syria. You've made a good choice by focusing in on one family's devastation, and using that to represent the larger scale horror.

The opening image in the poem is shocking, and grabs the reader's attention.

You avoid sounding preachy or patronising in any way. The poem has a polished feel being just the right length to do justice to the subject.

I can't think of any suggestions to improve this, thus the five star rating.

You've done an excellent job with a very difficult and harrowing subject.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
179
179
Review of A Love Poem, Life  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Tim Chiu

You've chosen two huge themes to explore in this short poem: love and life. In so doing it would have been easy to slip either into cliche or into sweeping generalisations with nothing very new to say. Overall you've successfully avoided these pitfalls.

I love the imagery of your opening two lines. A particularly striking beginning.

You've also made a good choice, in my opinion, by writing of a wedding before widening your focus in a more cosmic final stanza.

You use rhyme to good effect and your poem has good pace and rhythm.

The only line I found a little weak is 'A ceremony which they saw'. This doesn't really say much, and feels rather banal in contrast to the rest of the poem. It also switches the tense from present tense in the previous line to past tense which I found a little jarring.

Otherwise I think you've done a great job with this, and I enjoyed reading it.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
180
180
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello svenalo

This is a wonderful, topical poem on watching the recent transit of venus.

You take the opportunity to contrast our short, fragile lives with the imensity and longevity of the universe. This makes for a very thoughtful piece of work.

You've chosen your words well, used rhyme to good effect and maintain a strong rhythm throughout the poem.

Great job!
Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
181
181
Review of Let Freedom Ring  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Liam

I love the etheree, and this poem is an excellent example of what can be achieved with the form.

Your words flow together well and there is a good rhythm to the poem, helped by thoughtful use of rhyme, alliteration, and also the repetition of the word 'us' early in the poem.

The subject matter is wide-ranging -- from birth to death, no less. It is well handled and gives the reader pause for thought.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
182
182
Review of I Will Dance  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Graywriter

This is an uplifting, philosphical poem about continuing to engage in the dance of life. This really put a smile on my face. Although touching on the subject of death I found your last stanza emotive in a positive way.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
183
183
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello ~WhoMe???~

This is an atmospheric short poem about whispers heard in the dark. The title fits the poem perfectly.

Your short lines create a good pace. That said, the middle of the poem contains several short sentences. The full-stops (periods) at the end of these create pauses which slow this section of the poem. You might want to consider changing the full-stop at the end of this line to a comma or semi-colon to maintain the pace: 'Awaiting in the shadows.'

There is a contradiction in the poem with the line, 'Causing me fright' closely followed by 'I have no fear'

I really like the ending of the poem where you reveal the source of the whispers.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
184
184
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Tim Chiu

This is a well written free-verse poem on bowling. Bowling can seem a very dull subject unless you're actually doing it, so to have written a poem on this subject that holds the reader's interest is an achievement you should be commended on. I enjoy bowling myself but had never looked at it philosophically myself. Although, as your description suggests, you touch on philosophical issues here I feel there is room to expand on this aspect of the poem.

Also the rhythm of the poem is a little uneven in places I think (though it may just be how I'm reading it, and I could be wrong). It may be worth reading the poem aloud to see if you can hear any parts that may be slightly edited to flow more smoothly.

Otherwise I found this an enjoyable, and thought-provoking poem.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
185
185
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Lindsay

This is an emotionally engaging little poem that I found very symbolic. I love the way you've used colour to evoke mood here. Beneath the surface meaning about the variety of colours roses can have there is a poignant comment on what it's like to be broken hearted and to feel that romance is dead. Anyone who has been hurt by love could relate to these words.

Great job.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
186
186
Review of Desperado  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Scottiegazelle

I saw your poem highlighted in this week's poetry newsletter and just had to review it because I'm a big Johnny Cash fan.

You've chosen a particularly difficult form to write in. I've never been brave enough to attempt a sestina myself. I think you deserve lots of credit for even trying. On the whole your attempt is successful. I think in this form the words you end your lines with have to be very strong to stand up to so much repetition. I think you've chosen these words well.

You've captured well the spirit of much of Johnny Cash's music: the lonely, wandering deperado. Your title is fitting.

I do feel the flow of the poem is rather uneven. Perhaps reading the poem aloud will help smooth out any bumps. Sometimes just changing a word in a line or readjusting the word order can make the poem read more smoothly.

Overall this is a sterling effort.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
187
187
Review of One and the Same  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Dan Sturn

This is a beautifully written, descriptive poem which shows how everything in nature is interconnected including us human beings. You use personification and images of nature to great effect.

I like the way you address the reader directly with your use of 'you' in your last stanza.

This poem put a smile on my face, and I found it positive and uplifting. Your title neatly sums up the theme of the poem.

Keep writing!


Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
188
188
Review of The Home Sampler  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello fyn

This is a beautifully written, insightful poem about living with someone who has bipolar. It reveals how it isn't just the person with the disorder who suffers but their loved ones too. It does this without being in any way self-pitying and I commend you for that.

The sewing analogy works really well throughout the poem. It becomes particularly poignant in your last line.

I love the way you use colour to evoke mood in the middle stanza of the poem. I also enjoyed the rhyme in your last stanza.

I found this poem very creative, with a great flow to your words.

It was a pleasure to read and I find no fault with it at all. You obviously put a lot of work into it, and it has a very polished feel.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
189
189
Review of The Promise  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Simple Dykie

This is a powerful, thoughtful poem that I really enjoyed reading. The poem has a good pace and strong rhythm aided by a regular rhyme scheme which helps your words flow well.

The subject matter of the poem -- the two men and the promise between them -- is told well and I found it captivating. I like how you switch viewpoint between the two characters but I was a little disorientated during my first read, at times not quite sure which character's head I was in. I think you could signal your changes in viewpoint more clearly by either putting an asterisk (*) before a stanza where the point of view changes (eg. stanzas four and five) or breaking the poem into numbered sections.

I've mentioned your rhyme scheme, and you use rhyme really well. I particularly like the wind/rescind rhyme in your first stanza. You do use one partial rhyme later in the poem (greets/tree) which I found disrupted the rhythm a bit, and stands out more because the rest of your rhyme words are so strong.

I like the revelation in the very last word of your poem. This makes for a really strong, emotional ending.

I hope these comments have been useful.

Overall I think you've done a great job with this.

Keep writing.
Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
190
190
Review of The Home Sampler  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello fyn


Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
191
191
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Harry

This little poem about the 'river horse' is full of interesting details, and I found it very informative. The bit about the red pigment in the skin secretions I found particularly fascinating.

I think 'On top of head are nostrils, eyes and small ears' a rather bland description. I think this could be elaborated on, and bought more vividly to life for the reader.

For me personally this reads more like a succinct prose description than poetry. That said, it's well written and wouldn't be out of place in a wildlife book.

You might also want to consider putting in a note to explain what animal the 'river horse' is more commonly known as for those of us who don't know.
Is it a rhino or a hippo?

Thanks for sharing your work
Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
192
192
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dave

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This poem is an excellent example of the sonnet form. It has a quick, even pace and a strong rhythm aided by good choice of rhyme words. You paint a vivid, mythical picture in the limited space the form provides. I really like your title, and it's well suited to the poem.

Congratulations for having this poem place in so many contests. All the awards it's received are well deserved.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
193
193
Review of Why Am I?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Liam

This is a reflective, introspective poem where the narrator questions God's intentions.

I think many readers will relate to this subject. I know I've asked similar questions myself.

The poem's rhyme scheme helps create a good rhythm. There was just one line I thought was just a little long:

What is it that You want from me?


I think this would read better if the word 'that' was taken out.

Thanks for sharing your poem.


Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
194
194
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Piau

This is an interesting poem that shows the possibilities in telling a story; revealing its potential to be a variety of things.

I found the flow of the poem rather uneven. This is partly due to your irregular line lengths and also a lack of consistency in your use of rhyme. A more regular rhyme scheme could help give the poem more rhythm.

You may find it useful to try reading your poem aloud.

In the last line of your first and last stanzas I don't think the comma is necessary. It creates a rather unnatural pause in my opinion. The line in question would read better if the comma is taken out.

I like how your last stanza is a repeat of the first.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
195
195
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello R.C.

This monologue carries a strong message, conveying a warning about our possible future.

I like the glimmer of hope that emerges in your last paragraph with its image of the solitary plant growing out of the desert wasteland.

Overall this is well written though I did spot a couple of errors. 'Forrest' should be 'forest' with one r. In the sentence 'Your one too.', 'your' should be 'you're'.

Hope this helps.

Keep writing,

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
196
196
Review of Trumpets Sound  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Winnie Kay

The middle stanza of this poem about heavenly trumpets announcing important events in history is very timely in the approach to Christmas.

I really like the structure of the poem. Your words flow well and you use rhyme to very good effect.

I found the last line of your first stanza a little awkward as it mixes past and future tenses.

I also wonder if "Days Of Trumpets" might be a better title as the events of the poem cover more than one day. Of course this is only a suggestion.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
197
197
Review of The Laidly Wyrm  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello J.A. Stevens

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This poem of a dragon's final journey is very evocative of mythological poetry of ages past. Your subtle use of antiquated language therefore sits comfortably with your subject matter.

I could easily visualise the tale you were telling apart from in the one phrase, 'much somnolent waxed' where I wasn't sure of your meaning.

Your words flow beautifully. You establish and maintain a strong rhythm. Your rhyming words are well chosen. You use some eye-catching phrases as well ('hatchling day' 'corridors of sky') which I particularly liked.

I also like the name you've given to the dragon. That was a creative touch in an imaginative poem.

This was a very entertaining read!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
198
198
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Magoo

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a fun, light-hearted poem about a young boy beating his father at wrestling. It put a smile on my face and even made me laugh out loud when you reveal at the start of your second stanza just how young the boy is.

I like the form of the poem. The rhyme scheme and regular syllable count create a strong rhythm.

In the third line of your second stanza 'show' should be 'shows' as there is only one subject (the suit -- with or without cape doesn't matter). 'My suit and cape' would work with 'show' as here the suit and cape are both subjects in the sentence.

This aside, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your entry. Thanks for sharing.

Write on!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
199
199
Review of Walk with God  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello summer

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a nice, uplifting poem about the frustration of feeling that God isn't around when you most need Him, followed by the realisation that He's been there all the time. As such, I was very much reminded of the famous 'Footprints' poem.

Your words flow well aided by your strong use of rhyme throughout.

I found the words you've given to God at the end of the poem a little contradictory: '"You must go on... I'll stay here with you"'. For God to remain by the narrator's side they must either both go on or both stay where they are! This problem can be solved by changing '"I'll stay here with you"' to something like 'I will stay with you' or 'I'll stay beside you'.

Your writing is a little generalised and cliched in places ('the darkness of pain and despair' is now rather cliched for example). This rather weakens what is overall a very good poem. There's nothing wrong in saying what has been said many times before but you need to find a new way to express it so it seems fresh and original.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
200
200
Review of Sensibility  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello amarylis

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

I really like the theme of this heart-felt poem: that we're all important to somebody. That's a great sentiment.

You have some good images throughout the poem (the earthen flowers rising up and caressing people's feet for example).

You use rhyme rather erratically though it works well where it is used. I don't know if a more fixed rhyme scheme might help the poem to flow better. I think the inconsistent pace and rhythm of the poem lets it down. Reading it aloud could help you pinpoint the areas that need rewording for a more even flow.

Overall though, I enjoyed reading this.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
401 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 17 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/markone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8