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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Open in new Window. (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Jeff Author Icon

This is a lovely, heart-warming story about a very special birthday present. It really put a smile on my face. It's very uplifting to read about such anonymous acts of kindness.

At the beginning of your story I think 'smattering' is the wrong word choice to describe such an abundance of gifts. It would be more appropriate if there were just a few gifts here and there as this is what that word usually implies.

The only other part of the story that didn't really work for me was the penultimate paragraph where you describe the new house as less 'functional' than gift cards, and less 'grand' than flowers. That rang rather false to me.

Otherwise this is a very well-written story that was a pleasure to read.

Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of Hi Daddy  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Bikerider Author Icon,

Wow! I am totally blown away by this story of a little girl talking to her dead father as her mother watches, unseen.

I'm a sensitive man. I cry at films. I've cried while reading a number of non-fiction books. Even the occassional poem has made me cry. I've come close to tears a number of times when reading fiction but this is only the third fictional story that has made me shed tears (the other two are published novels). That's how good this is.

It's emotionally incredibly intense but not melodramatic or overly sentimental. I feel it really expresses emotional truth.

It is beautifully written. It amazes me how well you've captured the voice of the girl. It sounds so authentic -- every word being note-perfect. You really let the reader into her head through her words. That takes a lot of skill and talent.

I love the little touches you include, like how the girl has worn the same night-shirt every night since her father left.

Perhaps having lost my own father when I was 8 means I relate to this story more deeply than some readers will but I think anyone who isn't deeply moved by this would have to be very emotionally detached.

Poignant, powerful and very polished. I can't see any way you can possibly improve this. Don't change a single word.

I'm going to mention this story in my blog tomorrow.

I am genuinely stunned. You should be immensely proud of this story, and it deserves to be in print somewhere.

Thanks so much for posting this and engaging my emotions as deeply as only the highest quality writing can.

Write on!

Very best wishes,
Mark

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228
Review of The Painting  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Open in new Window. (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon

Your story shows great, creative use of the given prompt. I really like how you use a painting by Monet as the historical object that transports the narrator back through time.

I did spot several errors, however, which is understandabe as you wrote this in less than 24 hours. Here are my suggestions:

*Note1* 'but I was to determined to' Here you need to cut out the first 'to'.

*Note2* 'I was haunted by regret for the loss and regret that I did not swallow my pride...' The repetition of 'regret' here is very jarring in my opinion so if you choose to do more work on this then I think this sentence could benefit from a little restructuring.

*Note3* 'He was not the first, or the last, life to be sacrificed' Here I think 'His' would be a better fit than 'He'.

*Note4* 'That painting that calls to me even today'. The double use of 'that' is unnecessary repetition. The second 'that' could simply be taken out.

*Note5* 'But trapped am I by my destiny' This sounds rather artificial and stilted. 'But I am trapped by my destiny' sounds much more natural.

You've done a great job with this story. It just needs a final edit.

Best wishes,
Mark

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229
229
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP Open in new Window. (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive Author IconMail Icon


Hello Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ Author Icon

This is a fun, comedy-horror poem that made me smile. I really like the twist at the end.

Your choice of rhyme words is good but I found your rhyme scheme a little sporadic. Despite this your words flow well and the pace is fast which suits the subject matter of someone being chased.

The lack of punctuation at the end of the final line of the second stanza makes the poem read as if the heart of the narrator is beating through the claws of the creature in pursuit which doesn't make sense. Even if punctuation is added, the reader is left with the question 'heart beats through what?'. I think this section of the poem needs a little work.

I really like the internal rhyme in the first line of your second stanza.

Overall this is a light, enjoyable read.

Good job!

Best wishes,
Mark

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Mari,

for me, sending c-notes is a big part of being an active member of the WDC community so it is always a delight to discover a good quality c-note shop I haven't used before. You have some wonderful images here with some beautiful sentiments.

Many thanks for providing these notes for the community. I'm sure I'll purchase more from here in the future.

Very best wishes,
Mark *Smile*
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Allie Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

I really like the original way you've presented this poem on the screen. It's very eye catching.

You paint a very simple scene (of leaves falling as a yellow bus journies back and forth) but simplicity can be very effective, and it is here.

I do think you just slightly overdo the repetition of 'falls' at the end of the poem. That didn't quite work for me.

Otherwise you've done a very good job with this.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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232
232
Review of To know you...  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Nafi Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very nice, heart-felt love poem that I found an uplifting read.

I like the structure, and also the repetition of the title throughout the poem.

I don't know if 'Spellbound' would be better as 'Spellbinding.' That would seem a little less disjointed.

The flow of the poem is a little choppy due to your use of sentence fragments.

I'm not familiar with the word 'Fazza' and I'm sure I'm not the only reader in this position. A definition below the poem may be helpful here.

For me this unfamiliar word reduced the impact of the end of the poem.

Overall this was an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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233
233
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kahleigh S Kirsch Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a clever, intelligent little poem that makes me smile. The image in your first stanza really grabs the attention and paints a wonderful picture in the reader's mind.

For a poem looking at cliches this is wonderfully cliche free and refreshingly original.

Your words flow well.

I also like your use of aliteration.

Can't fault this at all, hence the five stars.

Great work.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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234
234
Review of Soldier's Song  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BScholl Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful short poem on the tragedy of war, written from one soldier's point of view. Your last stanza also highlights the truth that freedom often comes at a cost.

On the whole your words flow well. You use rhyme to good effect though the first line of your last stanza doesn't rhyme. This has the effect of slowing the pace a little.

I noticed a couple of errors in your second stanza. Firstly 'fill my head and toe' should be 'fills me head to toe' if you want to convey the whole of the soldier's body being filled with sorry rather than just his head and one of his toes! Secondly, because you're talking about people rather than things, 'which' should be 'who'.

Elsewhere you're punctuation could use a little work. You have commas which aren't necessary, and in the last line I think a colon would be more more appropriate than a semi-colon.

Overall a good poem on an important subject.

Write on!

Best wishes,
Mark

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235
Review of Stand With Me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Yellow Rose Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a rather sweet, gentle little poem about two people hand-in-hand on a mountain enjoying the view. You're use of rhyme is good and you establish a great rhythm with the first stanza where all the lines are 7 syllables. This rhythm breaks down in the second stanza where the lines range from 5 to 8 syllables. This for me was rather jarring.

Good poem but smoothing out the flow of the second stanza could make it even better.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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236
236
Review of His Hand in Mine  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello An apple a day.... Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautiful, moving poem about growing up without a father. I can really relate to the subject matter here, as my Dad died three days before my ninth birthday.

You express emotion really well here. I like the form as well. You have a good rhythm and your words flow well.

I do think you have a few too many line-end commas where they're not needed. Personally the comma at the end of line two of your fourth stanza would be top of my list to go. Also a comma really isn't necessary before the word 'or'.

I was genuinely touched by this poem. I really love the positive image of the last two lines. The picture you've included is also a nice touch.


Best wishes,
Mark

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237
237
Review of EQUALITY  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello lane kensington Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful, heart-felt poem which makes clear your strong views on equal rights.

Your title is very appropriate for the subject matter.

I spotted a few errors. For instance, in your second stanza 'no' should be 'know'. You're missing some speech marks at the end of your third and fourth stanzas. Martin Luther King Jr. doesn't need a comma before Jr.

Then the following section needs some work:

“CHILDREN! He proclaimed!
I HAVE A DREAM!”
A DREAM OF UNITY!
A DREAM OF FREEDOM FOR ALL!


Here you don't need the speech marks after 'DREAM!' but do need them before and after 'He proclaimed!' and again after 'ALL!' Also 'proclaimed' should be 'proclaims' as the rest of the stanza is in present tense, not past tense.

You lose the rhythm somewhat in the last half of the poem, especially in your longer lines.

I like how you use history to make your point in this poem, and it has a great deal of potential. It just needs some thoughtful editing to improve it.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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238
Review of Salvation  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Clover Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful, reflective poem about the loss of faith.

You have some strong, original imagery (I really like the bit about the bookmark for instance).

I found the flow of the poem a little bumpy in places. Perhaps a bit of punctuation could help with this.

You have a couple of repetitions which are a little jarring. You use 'me' twice in the same line, and 'time' and 'times' within a couple of lines.

Towards the end of the poem 'Hoping its God' should be 'Hoping it's God'

Overall I found a lot to like in this poem, I just think it needs a bit more work to reach its full potential.

Best wishes,
Mark

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239
239
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Joel Cobbs Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an uplifting poem about how a bird keeps singing despite the trials and tribulations of life.

Despite being fairly short, the scope of this poem gives it quite an epic feel.

I like the repetition at the end of each stanza. I wonder if 'But still the bird sings' would work better than 'And still the bird sings' especially in the second stanza.

I think you overuse the word 'the' in your last stanza. You could quite easily remove the second 'the' from each of the first two lines of this stanza.

Overall I found this a very enjoyable poem.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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240
240
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Oldwarrior Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautifully written journey through the wars of history as seen through the eyes of the eternal soldier of your title. As such it is educational as well as being a very good poem.

I really like your choice to use rhyming couplets, and your words flow well throughout the poem.

I found your repetition of 'cried' as a rhyming word within the space of a couple of stanzas a little jarring.

Also I spotted an error in your penultimate stanza where 'American's' should be 'Americans'.

Thanks for a great, informative read.

Best wishes,
Mark

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241
241
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Winn Storm Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an interesting poem exploring the early warning signs that a relationship was destined to fail.

I'm sure many readers can relate to the subject matter here.

You write well but I found this poem just a little too repetitive, especially in the second stanza where you have 'smile' and 'smiling' very close together.

Overall I found this an enjoyable read.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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242
242
Review of Separation  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an interesting poem about how we can be separated from someone in our minds even while our bodies are touching. As you rightly say in your description, this is a bit of a twist on a common theme.

I like the synchronisity of repeating your first line as your penultimate line.

You have some good ideas and imagery (I particularly like the balloon metaphor).

The bit about the polar bears was fascinating.

I feel the pacing of the poem is uneven, and some careful editing could help it flow more smoothly. Reading the poem aloud should help you hear where the rhythm of the words gets lost.

This aside, I found this an enjoyable, thought provoking read.

Best wishes,
Mark

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243
243
Review of Utitled  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello RCParrish Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is obviously a very personal, emotional poem about the loss of loved one.

You have a very strong opening stanza, which I found moving.

In your second stanza, your third line reads very awkwardly due to the grammatically incorrect phrase, 'down I go there' instead of the more natural 'down I go'. The wording seems forced to create the rhyme, and I think it would be worth rewriting this section of the poem.

In your last line I think a comma is needed after 'me'.

Overall this is a good poem. It just needs some more work to realise its full potential.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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244
244
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SGWoolard Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a heart-felt, emotional poem that gives some insight to your personal journey through the storms of life. I think your message is an inspiring and hopeful one, and I like how you express your personal faith in God and show what a help and support this has been.

In your fourth stanza, I found your use of 'time' and 'times' within the space of two lines a little jarring. Perhaps an alternative for one of these would work better.

I think you have a few unnecessary commas especially at the ends of the last two lines of stanza 7.

You capitalise the word 'not' a few times. I think this is a bit distracting and unnecessary. The point comes across strongly enough without the need to highlight these words in such a way. If you choose to highlight them though, I think italics would be better than capitalisation.

Your title seems a little awkward to me, and I think it would work better if it's shortened to either 'This Too Will Pass' or 'What Will Pass?' As with all my suggestions, however, this is just my personal opinion.

I enjoyed reading this poem. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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245
245
Review of We are ourselves  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lily Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a nice little poem about becoming a teenager, and being yourself.

I particularly like your first two couplets. They have a great rhythm, and make for a strong opening to the poem.

I think the rhythm gets lost a little in your later stanzas due in part to the longer line lengths.

I found your fifth stanza a little too vague and generalised. For me this is the weakest part of the poem.

Overall your use of rhyme is good but I'm not sure 'yourself/myself' works as well as some of your other rhymes.

There is real potential in your work.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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246
246
Review of Tainted Love  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Just call me Omni Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a fine example of the Pi poetry form. Although I've never written a Pi poem myself, I imagine it's very tricky to get it to flow well with the large variation in line lengths. You've made a very good job of overcoming this difficulty here.

I like how you've used aliteration in this poem.

I also particularly like your last line : a succinct, strong ending. I would just suggest you make the 'R' of ruin a small letter rather than a capital. This will be more consistent as, aside from the personal 'I' you have not used capitals anywhere else.

You use some powerful dramatic words within the poem, and this is very effective.

I really enjoyed reading this poem, and love the picture that inspired it.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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247
247
Review of I FEEL THE STORM  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello sssam-on the way back Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a well written, emotive poem. It expresses well the narrator's desire for freedom, to be given the chance to live their own life.

Your use of rhyme helps the poem flow well.

I think, grammatically, 'my side' would read better than 'your side' in the second line.

I would also suggest removing the commas in the first and last lines of your third stanza as their use here is grammatically incorrect and create unnatural pauses.

These points aside, I found this to be a great poem which I enjoyed reading.

Best wishes,
Mark

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248
248
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello NickiD89 Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a fun poem that really put a smile on my face. I love the idea of a vegetarian vampire, and you've shown creativity in how you've used the prompt you wrote this for.

I like your choice of rhyme words. I particularly like the 'trash / cache' rhyme.

For me, using 'does' and 'is' as line-end words in your last stanza is a little weak, and I don't think this stanza flows quite as well as your others.

I really enjoyed reading this poem.

Best wishes,
Mark

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249
249
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Mangadude Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful poem of ancestry and civil rights. A thoughtful piece on a thought provoking subject. It certainly highlights what we owe to those who came before us.

For me the pace of the poem was somewhat uneven, especially in your longer lines.

Your line 'They were wrapped in a skin and a color prevented them.' feels incomplete and leaves the reader asking 'Prevented them from what?' Also, isn't everyone wrapped in a skin? That just seems a little flat and obvious compared to the more original ideas elsewhere in the poem.

Overall a very good read with lots of potential.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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250
250
Review of My Brother  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Sanguinary Smiles Author Icon

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very atmospheric poem about a man sensing his brother's ghostly presence while attending his funeral.

The poem flows well and your use of rhyme creates a good rhythm

The repetition of 'there' in your 4th and 5th lines jarred with me a little.

You mix tenses in your last stanza by using 'avoid' which is present tense in the same line as 'ignored' and 'hung' which are past tense. I think it would be good to rework this section a little for consistency.

You use some good imagery in the poem. I also like the use of aliteration in your penultimate line.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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