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Review of Mental Circus  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello ~WhoMe???~

For a poem written spontaneously in response to a blog entry, this hangs together pretty well. I like your title a lot, and it's very appropriate to the subject matter. You write about thought processes, and I really like your idea of thoughts/actions being independent of each other but coming together to form a whole.

I do have a few suggestions. I hope they're useful but feel free to disagree!

*Note1* I found your first stanza a little ambiguous. It can be read as either the 'random thoughts' that are 'withheld from each other' or 'Purpose and direction' which are. If you're intending the former then I would suggest two things: firstly add some punctuation after 'direction' (I would suggest a semi-colon though a comma would do equally well), secondly add the word 'With' before 'Purpose'. If it's the latter possibility you were intending then I'd suggest putting a full-stop at the end of your first line. In case that isn't clear, my first suggestion would result in your opening three lines reading as:

Random thoughts, always moving
With purpose and direction;
Each withheld from the other.


and my second suggestion would result in:

Random thoughts, always moving.
Purpose and direction
Each withheld from the other.


*Note2* I think you also need punctuation at the end of the first line of your last stanza. Again I would suggest a semi-colon.

*Note3* I think 'Collaborate' would work better and be a better word choice that 'Collaborative' in your last stanza.

Thanks for sharing this thoughtful poem.


Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of Fiery Red Hair  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Daizy May

This is a fascinating little story about what is happening in a woman's mind as she lays dying in a hospital bed. You have a nice contrast between what the people in the hospital see with what the woman sees in her imagination. Whether what she sees are dreams, memories from a past life or hints of an afterlife to come is a question the reader is left to speculate on. I like stories like this where the reader isn't explicitly told the meaning of everything. This, to me, makes the story all the more engaging.

I do have some suggestions for possible improvements. You may not agree with them all but I hope you'll find at least one or two of them useful.

*Note1* You don't need the apostrophy in 'IV's' as you mean it to be plural rather than posessive (something belonging to the IV). I do wonder, though, would she have had more than one IV? If not then you need to remove the s as well as the apostrophy.

*Note2* 'They couldn't know that one moment the old lady was wracked with pain. The next moment she was riding a galloping horse across a grassy meadow in a time before the Normans invaded Hibernia.' Here what 'they couldn't know' relates to both sentences so I think this would read better if you replace the full-stop after 'pain' with a semi-colon, making this all one sentence. Also you can tighten this up a little by removing the second 'moment' as it's not needed.

*Note3* 'the edible mushrooms she had found in the trees'. This seems to suggest the mushrooms had actually been in the trees rather than on the ground! I would suggest changing 'in' to 'in among' or 'around'.

*Note4* 'Her silver hair with wisps of red was flowing behind her.' I would consider cutting this sentence which occurs near the end of your story as it's quite repetitive -- you mention the wisps of red among the silver in the previous paragraph -- and doesn't really add anything to the story.

I've heard more than once that you shouldn't write a story without at least some dialogue but this tactic seems to work well for you here which just goes to show there are no hard and fast rules.

I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing it.


Best wishes,
Mark

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328
328
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello SHERRI GIBSON !

This is a delightful love poem. I think it's so sweet that you co-wrote this with your niece.

The whole poem has a really positive, uplifting feel to it. I particularly like the line describing love as 'An open doorway to the heart of angels'. That's so beautiful.

I spotted a couple of errors:

*Note1* Firstly, I think the full-stop at the end of the second line of your second stanza should be changed to a semi-colon as the next two lines don't form a complete sentence and are linked closely enough with the first two lines of the stanza to form part of the same sentence.

*Note2* The last line of your third stanza is 'a feeling that has only grew.' This is grammatically incorrect and reads rather awkwardly, making the rhyme feel very forced. With 'has' the correct form of grow is 'grown' rather than 'grew'. The line works okay if you remove 'has' but then you would need to rework the previous line somehow to avoid switching from the present tense to the past tense in the same sentence. I'm afraid I don't have a solution to suggest but I'm sure you and/or your niece could come up with something if you decide to edit it.

Thanks for sharing this lovely poem. I really enjoyed reading and reviewing it.

Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of In Loving Arms  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jaya

This is a beautiful, uplifting poem about the warmth, comfort and solace to be found in the arms of those who love us. You have a very positive message here, and I love how you give a different example in each short stanza.

I also like how you start each stanza with the poem's title. Is this something you can be a little flexible about? I ask this because I think the first lines of your last three stanzas would work better grammatically and flow more smoothly if you were to begin them with 'In the loving arms of' rather than 'In loving arms of'.

I have two other small suggestions for you but, as with the suggestion above, don't feel you have to agree or do as I suggest! It is your work!

*Note1* In your third stanza you write, 'the man and wife'. I think you can remove 'the' and just use a comma before 'man'.

*Note2* In your last stanza you write, 'the old man’s / soul and spirit attained a new joy'. I think soul and spirit are pretty much the same thing. How about using 'the old man's / soaring spirit' instead?

Thanks for sharing this lovely poem.

Best wishes,
Mark



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Review of The Book  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dan,

having reviewed the 'religious' version of this poem, written for your friend, it's great to be able to see the original and compare.

Both are great, and as I said before flow really well (good to read aloud). I must say I do slightly prefer this version.

Just to be clear I have nothing against religious writing at all. It's just in some instances I find it can be either too dogmatic or just a little too much as in rather overbearing or in your face which can be off-putting. Some people go for all that but it's not for me so much. I think with the other version what I felt was that the religious aspect overpowered the other themes of the poem (writing and insomnia) by being a little overcooked if you get what I mean.

In this version those themes are allowed more space to breathe.

Again, I like your use of rhyme and you sustain a nice rhythm throughout.

I have one little suggestion for you. That is to put commas either side of 'aware' in your second stanza as it's a little bit of an aside to the rest of the sentence.

Thanks for sharing both versions of this great poem.

Excellent work. I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future.

Very best wishes,
Mark

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331
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dan Sturn

This is a great poem about journal writing during periods of insomnia. As a (somewhat sporadic) journal writer with irregular sleep patterns, I can relate to this.

This poem has a nice rhythm and smooth pace. You use rhyme well throughout.

In the first line of your 6th stanza you need to capitalise the h of 'he' for consistency. Apart from that I didn't spot any errors.

Even as a Christian, I found the religious focus of your poem a little heavy. While many readers on here would appreciate and relate to this, I think it may put some off. This is just my personal opinion/taste and I'm not suggesting you make changes. Really I just wanted to explain why I'm rating this 4.5 rather than 5.

I very much enjoyed reading this. You obviously have a real talent for poetry.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of Tribulation  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi again, Ken (Hey that rhymes! Sometimes poetry just happens where we least expect!)

Thanks for introducing me to another form of poetry. I really like the Etheree as a form and the Diatelle (the form of this poem) is similar as you rightly say (if rather more demanding).

You meet all the requirements of the form, and on the whole this flows nicely.

I do have a suggestion for you:

You have the line

against self-sold shackles well sealed


I like the alliteration in this line but 'self-sold' threw me. I really didn't get the meaning behind that -- and I'm sure I wouldn't be the only reader to puzzle over that. Self-made shackles I could understand (we often put ourselves in prisons or chains of one form or other -- for example chaining ourselves to events in the past we're unable or unwilling to move on from). This would seem to fit the context of the poem better and you may want to consider it as an alternative.

In your penultimate line 'blest' seems awkward and old-fashioned to me but I can't think of any alternative to meet the rhyme exactly and retain the meaning.

Away from the poem itself, I just want to point out that in your explanation of the form the second mention of the Etheree is missing an e on the end.

Overall this is great writing.

I really like your use of internal rhyme in the fourth line.

Thanks for sharing this,
Mark


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Review of County Fair  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ken,

Sorry it's taken a little while to check out the two poems you suggested but flu has kept me below par, and as there's always more to do on WDC than there's time for (plus I'm very disorganised) I've unfortunately let some things slip by. Still I'm here now!

This poem really evokes all the fun of the fair. It's a fine example of not just a Lento but a triple Lento. A form I didn't know until now so thanks for the education!

I love the idea of having the first word of each line of a stanza all rhyme. Something else I hadn't encountered before. This coupled with the line end rhymes creates a great flow and rhythm.

I have just one suggestion for you. In your fifth stanza you have the line

Asleep, the toddlers nod their head,


The last word here should be 'heads'. If you wish to keep the exact rhyme with 'bread' then you need to have a single toddler rather than more than one so the line reads

Asleep, the toddler nods his head.

You could have 'her' rather than his of course.

Other than that, a really great poem.

Love the picture too!

Best wishes,
Mark


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334
Review of Silent Seduction  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Ԝ☆Ԝ Happy 4th of July USA!

This is a sexy, feel-good poem about desiring the man you love as you watch him in a spa-pool.

I love your joyful play with words here, especially your use of alliteration in the first and seventh lines.

You have a couple of extra spaces here which need to be deleted; firstly before the full-stop at the end of your first stanza, and then between the last two words of your second stanza.

In your first stanza you write, 'my eyes resting upon this man'. This conjurs up the rather surreal image of your eyes, detached from your body, actually resting on him! Perhaps that's only my warped mind but it may be worth considering changing 'eyes' to 'gaze'.

Thanks for sharing this delightful poem.

Best wishes,
Mark

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335
Review of Thoughts on life  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Garnet

This is a very thoughtful and thought-provoking poem. I like the reflective tone.

Your opening stanza flows well and the repetition of words ('not', 'to be', 'things') works well.

The pace of the rest of the poem is rather uneven, however; especially in your second stanza.

I found this line particularly awkward:

To know oneself and one's destiny, the part one is to play - is divine.


This line is longer than any of the others in the poem, and that's part of the problem. The main difficulty as I see it, though - and this is only my personal opinion - is your use of 'oneself', 'one's' and 'one' all in the same line. I wonder if the best solution here is just to trim the line down to:

To know oneself and one's destiny is divine.

Staying with the second stanza, you write:

When you find your melody the Universe can sing along and
Bring you to that which is necessary.


I think this would flow better if you bring the 'and' down to the next line.

In your last stanza you have the line:

We ponder our existence, until reality calls.


Here you really don't need the comma.

I like your last two lines a lot. A very effective finish to a good poem that just requires some careful editing.

I hope my suggestions have been helpful.

Best wishes,
Mark

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336
336
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Annie

This is a delightful piece of flash fiction for children that adults can enjoy as well. It certainly put a smile on my face - especially when I got to the lovely twist at the end.

You choose your words carefully (as you need to do with such a short piece) resulting in a fast paced, easy read.

Your dialogue seems very natural, and I like the humour throughout this little story.

I couldn't see any errors at all.

Well done for winning the daily flash fiction challenge with this. It's certainly worthy of the success in my opinion, thus the 5 star rating.

Best wishes,
Mark

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337
Review of Music of Love  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Nikola~Happy 4th!

This is a delightfully sensual poem. Sexy in a wonderfully understated way, and very romantic. This flows beautifully, the rhythm aided by subtle use of alliteration and assonance.

One section of the poem I had a little trouble with is this:

Feeling your closeness,
you take me into
strong arms.


This reads awkwardly. In the first quoted line the poem's narrator is the subject (the one who is 'feeling') then in the next line 'you' becomes the subject. The more correct grammar here would be something like 'Feeling your closeness, I am taken into [your] strong arms'. This problem can easily be solved by slight rewording. I would suggest either:

Feeling your closeness
as you take me
into strong arms.

Or, if you don't like the extra syllable:

I feel your closeness;
you take me
into strong arms.

You may have another alternative.

Apart from this there are no errors of grammar, punctuation or spelling. If ratings were allowed on this poem, and you were to make the suggested change then I wouldn't hesitate to rate this 5 stars. As it stands, I would give it 4.5.

Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem.

Best wishes,
Mark

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338
338
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for

GROUP
SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Meg

This is a delightful, fun poem that put a big smile on my face. You use rhyme well and the poem has a great flow and rhythm to it. I think it would make a very good performance piece as it's so effective read out loud.

I really love the section about providing ID at the post-office - even more fun once you're aware of the poem's twist.

I couldn't detect any errors at all and found this a really enjoyable read. Thus the five star rating.

You also taught me a new word! I'd never come across fossicked before and had to go and find a dictionary to look it up. Thanks for furthering my education!

Our family dog is a King Charles Spaniel so that makes this poem even more relevant to me.

Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of Yellow  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jess,

This is a great, well organised folder of your newest works. I've now reviewed all 14 items you have on public display within it, and enjoyed them all. I notice you have a number of others set to private. I hope you'll be brave enough to share these before long. *Smile*

Some of the poems have been in the folder for awhile now and are probably ready to be moved into other folders in your port as they're not quite so new anymore.

It's too hard for me to pick out one or two favourites, and that says a lot for the consistent quality of your work.

Great stuff.

Love,
Mark *Heart*
340
340
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for

FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive



Hello ElizabethHayes-DaughterofIAM ,

This is a lovely poem about the Goddess Isis acting as a guide on the narrator's spiritual journey.

I really enjoy acrostics and you work well within the form here.

Overall this flows nicely.

The only line I had a little difficulty with is

Emotional awakening as this


I feel the 'as' is the wrong word choice here as it doesn't work grammatically. The correct phrasing here would be 'such as this'. Making such a change would effect the rhythm of this part of the poem adversely by adding an extra syllable. The simplest solution, as I see it, is to change 'as' to 'like'. This would be grammatically correct and it won't effect the meaning or change the number of syllables in the line.

I hope this helps.

I enjoyed reading this. Many thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark


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341
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again, Shannon!

Wow 14 c-note shops! I'm so impressed. Is there any occasion you don't cater for?! I haven't looked at every c-note you have on offer but I've seen enough to know you have some really cool ones, and at good prices too.

I've added this c-note chalet to my favourites, and am sure I'll be returning pretty soon.

Many thanks for making all these c-notes available.

Very best wishes,
Mark
342
342
Review of WDC cNotes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Shannon,
You've got a lovely selection of c--notes here that are really useful around WDC. I just purchased one to thank a dear friend for a generous gp gift which is going towards purchasing my next upgrade.

Many thanks for making these available.

Best wishes,
Mark
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Review of Retaliation  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Koyel~writing again ,

I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 3.

This is an interesting poem about revenge. On the whole you've met all the requirements for the form. However, the first line of your 3rd stanza ('Revenge') is only two syllables when it should be three.

Well done for attempting a chain of Whitneys for a longer poem.

The main problem I think you have here is with the pacing. I found it very choppy. A big part of this is your use of run-on lines (enjambement). This is a device that can work well but here it disrupts rather than assists the rhythm. The uneven flow of the poem is particularly noticeable in the first stanza where the cry/my rhyme quickens the pace - contrasting awkwardly with the slowing affect of the enjambement, and the midline full-stop (period) in your third line. Reading this out loud (or, even better, having someone else read it aloud to you) should help you to hear the problem. Smoothing out the flow of the poem will, I think, add a lot to the overall emotional effect/impact.

I found the wording at the beginning of your final stanza a little awkward. Here you have the lines:

Wipe off that
smirk of your face


The use of 'off' and 'of' really clash here. The 'of' really doesn't seem to fit at all. The usual wording of this phrase is 'Wipe that smirk off your face'. To keep the right number of syllables here you could write it as 'Wipe that smirk/from off your face'.

A good attempt then, but it needs work to bring out its full potential as a poem.

Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of The ocean  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Have a sunshiny day! ,

I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 3.

This is a beautifully descriptive poem about the ocean. You use description very well. You've followed the prompt and successfully met all the requirements for a chain of Whitneys. Overall this flows nicely.

I do however have one suggestion:
As none of your other lines rhyme, I found your use of rhyme in the last stanza quickened the pace a little unnaturally. I think this problem can be resolved very simply by chinging the word order in one of your lines from 'and rock gently' to 'and gently rock'. You still keep the rhyme of 'gently' with 'me' from the previous line but there is a difference. The line break emphasises the last syllable of the line so moving the second rhyming word to the middle of the line softens its effect so it doesn't have the same impact on the pacing of that section of the poem. If you read both versions of the poem aloud you'll probably be able to hear the slight difference. This is only a suggestion, however. You may disagree.

This was a really pleasurable read. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SummerLyn Guthrie ,

I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 3.

You've used the form of the Whitney well here. I like your theme of rebirth and the continuation of life.

I do feel the flow of this is a bit choppy and disjointed though.

I also feel that either you need either to punctuate the end of your third line (probably just a comma) or to change 'whither' in the fourth line to 'whithers'. That's just my personal opinion though, and I could be wrong.

Overall I enjoyed this. Good effort. And the picture is a nice bonus!

Best wishes,
Mark

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346
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Have a sunshiny day! ,

I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

This is a wonderful, feel-good poem in celebration of your Grandson's birthday. You convey the sense of joy and wonder really well. I love the humour here.

You choose your words well and the poem flows beautifully.

The only negative point I have to make is that you could use some extra punctuation in a couple of places for clarification, and to aid the flow.

The first time I read:

'I bake a cake chocolate and sweet'

I stumbled for a second, thinking you'd got cake and chocolate back to front. I realised my error by the end of the line but it did trip me up and may cause other readers to stumble. A pause after cake would solve this so I suggest adding a comma. Another example is at the end of the first line of your fourth stanza. I think a comma would be helpful here.

Your last couplet makes for a strong finish to a great poem and put a smile on my face. Many thanks for that.

Best wishes,
Mark

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Review of Wedding  
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Koyel~writing again ,

I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

I was very impressed by this poem overall. Sonnets aren't easy to write, so well done for attempting a difficult form. Overall this is a successful poem that flows well but I do think your meter is a little off in a couple of places. Accented meter is not a strong point of mine (which is why I mostly write free-verse) but one example that sticks out is 'heart beating'. I think here both 'heart' and 'beat' are stressed. Obviously with iambic meter the syllables should alternate: stressed, unstressed.

I like your creative use of rhyme.

I think the opening of your fourth line should be 'With flames' rather than 'Of flames'. To me, the former makes more sense.

Your use of the word 'yummy' jarred with me. I think it's much too casual/informal for such a formally structured poem. I'm also not sure of 'saggy'. Perhaps 'sluggish' would be a suitable alternative here.

Hope these suggestions help.

Keep up the good work.


Best wishes,
Mark

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348
Review of The Anniversary  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SummerLyn Guthrie ,

I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

This is a very emotive poem about a woman grieving the loss of her soldier husband. This was a particularly strong interpretation of the prompt for this round.

I was especially impressed with the opening two lines of this poem which create a strong image, evoking curiosity in the reader (why is the woman crying) and sucking them into the story you're telling.

You use rhyme well here. I especially like cheek/Mozambique. That was very creative. The only problem I have with any of your rhyme words is with your use of 'embark' in the first stanza. This doesn't work grammatically here as the right word for this context is 'embarkation' rather than 'embark'.

Your rhythm seems to be rather off in places, and I'm sure with some thoughtful editing the poem could be made to flow better. Reading the poem aloud will help you find the places where it needs work.

Overall a very good effort, and well done for tackling such an emotional topic.

I loved the dedication at the end *Smile*

Best wishes,
Mark

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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Ronnie Smiles . I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I really like the subject matter of your poem - how writing can be an escape, and how we can touch people with our words. I also like your humility at the end of the poem where you write

All I ask is to be given a chance,
Never unthankful for your glance.


This makes for a strong ending.

That said, I think there are some problems with this poem, and that it needs some work.

The flow is a little disjointed and sometimes your word order seems forced to fit the rhyme; for instance

Relaxed, calm, comforted I be.


You overuse the word 'escape' early in your poem (3 times in the first six lines).

In the first line of your third stanza you capitalise the I in 'It's'. This I needs to be lower case as it comes in the middle of a sentence.

You have a regular rhyme scheme throughout your poem but this is broken in the first two lines of your third stanza where you end the lines with 'strange' and 'age' respectively. These don't rhyme and disrupt the flow of the poem, having a jarring effect on the reader.

In the last line of the fourth stanza you write 'with holden'. I'm not sure if this is correct English. If it is it probably needs a hyphen to join the words.

The first line of your final stanza:

So write I so you will know


doesn't scan. I wonder if this is just an error and you intended 'write' and 'I' to be the other way around. The line would certainly be improved by swapping them around. Also having 'so' twice in one line is unnecessary. The line would be further approved if the first so is simply removed. The line would then become 'I write so you will know'. In the line after this I think 'I have patience' sounds better than 'Patience I have'.

These suggestions only represent my opinion so please feel free to use whatever is useful and discard the rest.

Best wishes,
Mark
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Review of Rains of Peace  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Koyel~writing again . I am one of the judges of the Invalid Item  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

This is a dramatic little poem about clashing forces of nature. I really enjoyed reading it and found the use of the present tense really drew me in, giving the poem immediacy.

I did spot one small error: in your middle stanza you write 'the nimbus clouds/engulfs'. As 'clouds' is plural you should use engulf without the s on the end.

Also the last stanza reads as if it's the thunder that's pouring the rain on the earth. I think a careful rewording of the last couple of lines of the poem could remove this ambiguity.


Best wishes,
Mark
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