Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC!'s (markone) Reviews

Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC!

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1,452 Public Reviews Given

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#3434389

Review of Sheba

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello percy goodfellow

I am one of the judges for

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I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautifully written narrative poem about the biblical characters, Sheba and Solomon.

You use rhyme and rhythm to great effect throughout, and have some great images and turns of phrase.

You do have some unnecessary midline commas (for example in lines 2,4, 7 & 12 of your third stanza). These create unnatural pauses and disrupt the otherwise excellent flow of the poem.

In your third stanza I think 'reported unto me' would work better than 'reported onto me'.

In your last stanza 'stary' should be 'starry', and I think in the context 'destiny's' should be 'destinies'.

I really enjoyed this poem.

Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3433352

Review of ROADS OF WAR

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Destiny

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful anti-war poem, and I agree whole-heartedly with the sentiments you express here especially as I'm currently reading a history of the First World War. You convey your strong feelings on the issue very well.

You use rhyme well in the poem.

Personally I found the use of a non-rhyming line at the end of each stanza makes the flow of the poem a little uneven.

At the end of the poem, in your line, 'What for we ask.' I think you need a question mark after 'for'.

The image of blood 'gushing' from wounds is particularly strong and I think you should consider rating this either ASR or 13 rather than E as it's currently rated.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3433311

Review of October Skies

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Jack Cassidy

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

The opening stanza of this free-verse poem really grabbed my attention. You start with a vivid image, and also use imagery well elsewhere in the poem.

Your subject matter is topical as the contest took place in October. I like how, despite your focus on October, you also bring in other times of the year, giving the poem a broad scope.

It can be hard to maintain a rhythm in free-verse, and I found the pacing a little bumpy in places. The wide variation in your line lengths was partly responsible for this.

I think your penultimate line would work better broken into two shorter lines.

Overall a very enjoyable read.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3428795

Review of Darkness Sea II- the Boy

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello PhillipV

Sorry you're getting the following review twice. I accidentally put the wrong rating first time round

I am one of the judges for

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I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very powerful, unsettling poem about someone haunted by the memories of childhood. I notice from your port that this is the second in a trilogy of poems. I think this is the strongest of the three but really like the others so have put you in my favourites with a view to reviewing them at a later date.

This poem flows well, and you make some great word choices. You use some great imagery (I especially like the toy image at the end of your first stanza.

The poem is very moving and also very controlled and quite subtle considering the disturbing subject matter. I like how you've chosen to imply the abuse rather than give graphic details which could put a lot of readers off. This is very effective and shows a lot of skill.

I also like how you've capitalised 'Hands' and 'Face' to give extra power to these images.

The ending of the poem where you reveal the abused child has become an abusing adult is shocking and very well conveyed.

The only suggestion I have that you may wish to consider is a slight change to the line, 'And fall he does into the sea'. To my ear, 'fall he does' feels a little unnatural, and I wonder if 'so he falls' might be a better alternative. This slightly awkward phrasing isn't enough to effect my rating, and I'm happy to give this a full five stars.

A very accomplished (and polished) poem. Thanks for sharing it.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3428779

Review of Darkness Sea II- the Boy

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello PhillipV

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very powerful, unsettling poem about someone haunted by the memories of childhood. I notice from your port that this is the second in a trilogy of poems. I think this is the strongest of the three but really like the others so have put you in my favourites with a view to reviewing them at a later date.

This poem flows well, and you make some great word choices. You use some great imagery (I especially like the toy image at the end of your first stanza.

The poem is very moving and also very controlled and quite subtle considering the disturbing subject matter. I like how you've chosen to imply the abuse rather than give graphic details which could put a lot of readers off. This is very effective and shows a lot of skill.

I also like how you've capitalised 'Hands' and 'Face' to give extra power to these images.

The ending of the poem where you reveal the abused child has become an abusing adult is shocking and very well conveyed.

The only suggestion I have that you may wish to consider is a slight change to the line, 'And fall he does into the sea'. To my ear, 'fall he does' feels a little unnatural, and I wonder if 'so he falls' might be a better alternative. This slightly awkward phrasing isn't enough to effect my rating, and I'm happy to give this a full five stars.

A very accomplished (and polished) poem. Thanks for sharing it.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3428722

Review of Chuda

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello H2O

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This poem flows well, and you use rhyme to good effect.

The main difficulty I see here is that your poem is very obscure. If it wasn't for your description I would have no idea what the poem is about. You say it's about someone taking something you yearn for but there is no indication what this something is. This lack of clarity in your meaning leaves the reader unable to relate to your words.

Your anger does come across in the poem but there's no real context to attach it to that could help the reader understand and relate to your emotion.

The title is also obscure and I'm afraid I can't see how it relates to the poem.

In your line, 'Tell you what it's all things but fair' I think you need some punctuation after 'what'.

You obviously have some ability when it comes to writing poetry and I think a bit of clarity could help readers engage with your writing.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3428693

Review of Emptiness

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello Sum1

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an emotional, and seemingly personal poem about the emptiness that follows the end of a close relationship. I can relate to the feelings expressed here as I'm sure many other readers will.

The theme of lost love is very common in poetry and for a poem to stand out it needs to have an original take on the subject. Unfortunately your poem is a little cliched and doesn't really say anything new. Also some of your phrasing is rather awkward and feels a little forced to fit the rhyme ('to memories I will cling' for instance, rather than the more natural 'I will cling to memories').

On the whole your use of rhyme works well but the first two lines of your final stanza don't rhyme which breaks the pattern and throws the reader off somewhat.

The pacing and rhythm of the poem are inconsistent. Reading the poem aloud should help you hear where the poem doesn't flow so well.

I like your insight at the end of the poem about the importance of loving yourself.

Overall this has potential but needs some work to make it flow smoothly, and to get it to stand out from the crowd.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3428678

Review of THE BARDS CONVENTION

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello DRSmith

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This long poem is a delightful satire, poking gentle fun at big money poetry contests. As well as the humour (which made me chuckle) this poem shows a lot of intelligence and skill.

You display a wide knowledge of classic poets from the past here, and for any reader who loves literature there are a lot of treasures to be discovered within your poem.

The poem is well-structured and you use a number of poetic devices to great effect, particularly rhyme, alliteration and assonance. Despite the poem's length you maintain a fast pace and wonderful rhythm throughout.

This would make a great performance piece as your words really trip off the tongue when the poem is read aloud.

This has a very polished and professional feel, and you should be really proud of what you have achieved with this poem.

This was a real pleasure to read and earns every one of the 5 stars I'm giving it.

Write on!

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3415998

Review of Ode to the Busker

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello Robbie

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

I really like the subject matter of this poem. Many times listening to a busker in the street has lifted my spirits.

I found the rythm a bit bumpy in places, especially in your first stanza where you use mid-line full-stops (periods)in three successive lines. I think this stanza would flow much better as one sentence rather than four. You can simply remove the full-stop in the second line as your first two sentences flow together very naturally. Then I would suggest shortening the pause in the third line by changing the full-stop to a semi-colon. In the last line of the stanza you could replace the full-stop with the word 'to'.

I also found your penultimate line a little unwieldy due to length. I would suggest tightening this up by changing 'you are the Beethoven. You are the Beatles' to 'you are the Beethoven, the Beatles,'. I think that comma after 'Beatles' is important to fit better with your final line.

In your second stanza you use 'alright' which is a common error. The correct spelling is 'all right'.

I love your phrase 'street corner symphony'. That has a nice ring to it. You also use aliteration well in your first two stanzas.

Over all I really enjoyed reading this.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3415947

Review of Sunset Dreams

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a delightful nature poem with some lovely imagery. By writing of the dreams of the blossom you have found an original and creative angle for looking at a familiar subject. I love that spark of originality in this poem.

Your words flow well and I think your choice of rhyme words are great. Thanks for providing a definition for 'berceuse' at the end of the poem as I imagine this word would be unfamiliar to many readers. It was to me!

The only thing that jarred a little for me was 'myriad insects and bees'. The phrasing of this is a little clumsy as it reads as if bees aren't insects. You may wish to revisit this line but otherwise I have no suggestions for editing.

I very much enjoyed reading your entry.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3414633

Review of A Beloved Cluttered Mind

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Redtowrite

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very interesting poem about a mind deteriorating as a result of Alzheimer's.

Your first stanza is striking and really sucked me into the poem. I love the image of 'crayon colored panes'. I love how you use colour in this stanza and the whole poem is quite visual.

I think 'bloody crimson with childbirth' is possibly too strong an image for an E rated poem and would suggest a change to ASR.

You make good use of aliteration, assonance and subtle rhyme especially in the first half of the poem. There are some phrases which really jump out. For instance, I love 'cluttered shattered mind' though it could possibly use a comma after 'cluttered'.

For me the rhythm falters a bit in the last couple of stanzas and you may wish to look at tightening up this section.

This was a great read, thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3414605

Review of Pick Me While I Am A Rose

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello Brenpoet

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a lovely poem on the fleeting nature of youth and beauty. I really like your use of the life-cycle of a rose to ecxplore this subject.

I also like the structure of the poem which flows very well despite the occasional weakness in your rhymes ('glow/now' isn't an exact rhyme for instance).

You have some nice imagery. I especially like the lines about the pollen clouds.

At the moment this is rated 18+ but I think you could get away with a 13+ rating.

Youth and beauty are both subjects which have often been written about in poetry but the way you've constructed this poem gives these themes a fresh feel.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3414581

Review of I Am Your Own Worst Enemy

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello amarante

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very well-written poem about how we can be our own worst enemies. This is a subject I can really relate to. I'm sure many other readers could as well.

You keep a fairly consistent number of syllables in your lines and this helps create a strong rhythm for much of the poem. However, the flow of the poem is interrupted where your pattern of rhyming couplets breaks down. At the end of your first stanza 'atop/naught' doesn't rhyme, neither does 'dream/sea' in your final stanza.

In your penultimate stanza the comma after hesitate isn't grammatically correct and creates an unnatural pause when the poem is read aloud.

These points aside, you have a very good poem here and have chosen a great subject to write about. You have some great turns of phrase. I particularly like the last two lines of your second stanza and the way they sound.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3412621

Review of From Here to Hialeah

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hello Stik to My Own Beat

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very powerful poem about someone walking through a town ravished by famine and then witnessing a shooting spree.

Your descriptions are fantastic and really draw the reader in. I found this a very visual poem but it's written to evoke all the senses. It is also very polished and flows beautifully.

I can't think of any way to improve this poem. An excellent piece of work.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3412370

Review of "NOBODY"

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello Creator-of-Worlds

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a lovely, inspirational poem that should bring comfort to anyone who feels like a nobody.

I really like the wordplay in this poem, especially in the last stanza. Your last line is wonderful -- a great ending!

I found the rhythm a little bit bumpy in places and your use of rhyme is a little erratic (especially in your 7th and 8th couplets which don't rhyme at all).

In your first line 'befriend' should be 'befriended' as you're writing in the past tense.

This poem has great potential but some careful editing could improve it.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3412295

Review of The Soldier Who Rescued Me

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello Sara

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a lovely, moving poem, honouring a past love. You have some nice phrases here. I particularly like the bit about your hand fitting perfectly in his.

I did spot a couple of errors:

'you shoulder' should be 'your shoulder'

and

'Time and distance has seperated us' should be 'have seperated'.

The rhythm in this poem is rather uneven due to the variety in your line lengths. A little editing to even these up would help the flow of the poem.

I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3412062

Review of Because Of Her (breaking.. Part 3)

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello XxX[WalkingZombie]XxX

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an incredibly powerful, moving poem about the damaging effect an abusive mother slowly destroying herself with drugs and alcohol has on her child.

I really like the rawness of your writing, the stream-of-consciousness style. It makes the poem very immediate and emotional.

For free-verse this flows pretty well overall.

There are a few errors throughout the poem (eg. 'lent' instead of leant or leaned, 'too' instead of to). I also found your use of a lowercase i throughout rather distracting and would suggest following convention and capitalising your i's when referring to oneself.

If this is a poem about you then I really admire your courage for writing and sharing it, and I hope you have found some help and healing in the time since you wrote it and are now doing better. If this isn't about you then you display an admirable amount of empathy.

Many thanks for sharing this.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3412024

Review of Remember

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello T

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful poem on the important subject of a soldier's sacrifice.

Your use of rhyme and short lines helps create a good, steady rhythm throughout most of the poem.

There is one line where I feel this rhythm breaks down:

'His assailant is deceased'

This is just a little long and I think it would work better without the word 'is'.

There is also one use of a half-rhyme that jars a bit ('race/fate'). This weakens the flow of this section in my opinion.

I think the poem could use some more punctuation to help the reader know when to pause when reading the poem.

You may also wish to consider breaking the poem up into stanzas (perhaps with four lines each as this would work well with your use of rhyme).

This is very good writing that just needs a little more editing.

Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3411530

Review of Oh the Cost

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello BIG BAD WOLF is Merry

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

By writing of the sacrifice of a single soldier you make a powerful statement about the cost paid by all those who currently serve in the armed forces and those who have served in the past.

The repetition in this poem works quite well. You abandon your rhyme scheme towards the end of the poem and this weakens the flow and rhythm of the poem in my opinion.

Apart from this you have written well on an important subject.

I particularly like your repetition of 'safe' with its two different meanings. That was cleverly done.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3411523

Review of Flight Home

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Fyn

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautiful, moving poem recollecting childhood. The Sestina is a complex and demanding form and overall you use it very well here.

You've made good choices for your repeating words.

I did find the rhythm of the poem rather uneven and I think this is mostly due to the variation in your line length. If you wanted to work on this poem more I think it would be worth looking at the possibility of shortening some of your longer lines to help with the flow of the poem.

Apart from this I think this is very well written and the last part about the death of your grandmother is very touching.

I notice you have this listed under 'other'. I think several genres would be suitable for this poem, including (but not necessarily limited to) family, personal, experience and death.

Thanks for sharing this poem. Congratulations on getting second place in the Quotation Inspiration contest.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3410561

Review of The January Visitor

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello ShiShad

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very powerful, very moving memorial to your son. I found this deeply touching, and beautifully written.

It takes a great deal of skill and talent to be able to write on such a personal subject and convey such strong emotion in a form as complex and restricting as the Sestina (a form I haven't been brave enough to try yet).

You've chosen your repeating words really well.

I really love the envoi of this poem and it's good to see you ending on a positive, hopeful note.

I have no suggestions for improvements as I think this poem is perfect just as it is. It deserves all the five stars I'm giving it and you should be very proud of this poem.

I think anyone who has lost a loved one will find great comfort in the closing words of this poem.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3407740

Review of Petals From A Balcony

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello flamingcherry

I am one of the judges for

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Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautifully descriptive short poem. I particularly like the image of 'drips of colour' staining 'sherbert white snow'.

I found this poem very ambiguous. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It certainly left me asking questions. Who's throwing the petals and why? What does 'legion of scandal' refer to?

I wonder if you need another dash at the eend of your 8th line.

For freeverse this flows very well.

Thanks for sharing this.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3407543

Review of This Title Makes No Claim

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello Jakrebs

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

I really like how this poem gives little snapshots of humanity and reveals the fragility of life. It's cleverly done and powerful.

The structure is good - I like the the way you alternate three line stanzas with stand alone lines.

The rhythm and pacing of this free-verse poem is mostly good but a little uneven in places especially in the longer lines. Reading the poem aloud might help guide you to where the flow could be a little smoother.

This is a very small thing but I was wondering if 'tourists passing by' might read a little better than 'tourist passersby'.

In your description, 'vingettes' should be vignettes.

This was a very thought-provoking read. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

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#3407134

Review of Dewdrops

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Christina~Thanks StoryMaster

I am one of the judges for

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautiful little free-verse poem about someone who wants to share their sorrow with a loved one so as to be comforted, but doesn't want to make them sad. That's an emotional subject matter which you handle well, resulting in a moving poem.

I think you overuse the word 'eyes' in the poem. The repetition jars a little towards the end.

I also noticed you have an extra full-stop (period) at the very end of the poem.

This is a very good poem that was a pleasure to read and review.

Best wishes,
Mark

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

275

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14 days may be credited.

#3406184

Review of Avenge my Weeps

Review by Mark C ~ 9 year...

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hello AiEnma09

I am one of the judges for

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

You really capture the pain of lost love in this emotional poem.

You use a fixed rhyme scheme here but some of your rhymes are only partial ('please/wish' and 'pure/cruel' for example) and this weakens the flow of the poem.

There are also a lot of grammatical errors in the poem, especially concerning tenses. As an example your second stanza is partly in the past tense and partly in the present.

These difficulties can be improved with time and practice. Reading your work aloud will also help especially as English isn't your first language. You may be able to hear where there are problems easier than you can pick them up on the page or screen.

You write from the heart and that's a good thing.

This poem has a lot of potential.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .