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Hello Moarzjasac !!
Thank you for sharing your poem with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.


GRAMMAR & SPELLING:
I didn't notice any glaring grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, which is awesome. Good job! One thing -- so very small and silly that I noticed -- was a double space instead of a single "I keep on traveling"


WORD CHOICE:

You had an excellent word choice, avoiding boring, dull language.


RHYME & FLOW:
These lines: "She glitters like diamonds yet she cuts just like glass. As she pokes in the fragments of the years that have passed." Those lines had an incredible rhyme, rhythm, and flow to them. They outshined the whole poem. They really did. Then, you followed through with another line that was similarly great, "Words have been spoken Opportunites lost It is all a changing regardless of cost" That line was a good follow up from the previous one. I'll get into details of it more a bit further down, but as far as rhyme and flow, you did awesome.




POSITIVES:

My Favorite Part: I loved the 2nd half of the poem. Basically from "she glitters..." to the end.


CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:
What I liked least: I wasn't a fan of when you used a. Like in these two spots: "It's all a changing." "I keep on a going"
My Suggestions: The first half of the poem didn't seem to match the 2nd half to me. I love them both, but one rhyme and one doesn't. The 2nd half rhymed and flowed really well and the first half didn't rhyme at all. It doesn't really have to rhyme throughout so really there's nothing WRONG with your poem, but it just stood out to me and seemed misplaced.


EMOTIONS:
It reminded me of: That yes, we always do think the grass is much greener on the other side. But life is wonderful right where I stand. (or sit, precisely.)


CREATIVITY:

It was extremely creative and original. I loved reading your words and thoughts.


HELD MY ATTENTION?:

You held my attention and piqued my interest into wanting to read more of your work.


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Hello {suser: !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.

GRAMMAR & SPELLING:
I notice a lot of grammatical errors. Commas and basic structural or punctuation errors mainly.

She had never been happier, drink in one hand and the other on Adam's curly locks she pressed her lips on his and grabbed his keys to drive. ---> Like for instance, in this sentence. After 'curly locks,' you either need a period or if you wanted to push the sentence into one, a semicolon (;).

Adam stumbled to the back seat of the car. And she motioned him to come to the front. ---> This would be better as either one sentence or two sentences but erase 'and'.

She sighed and looked up at her psychologist. "I.. I... was... drunk.. " ----> After drunk you only put two periods instead of 3.

But still [add comma] she was afraid to get close to anyone in that room.

I'm sure everyone told him I am a threat to his existance. ---> existence

The doctor exhaled deeply and was about to call it when she heard a soft beep of a heart beat. --> heartbeat

A confused look creeped on her face. ---> crept

Well that explains a lot. She thought. ---> Well, that explains a lot, she thought.

But still [comma] she couldn't comprehend the words coming out of the officer's mouth and on top of that in a car wreck.

The officer [add comma] not at all surprised with her response [add a comma] briefly answered,

Jason heart tightened like a fist. ---> Jason's

But He was paid to do his job, even if it meant keeping her away. --> this was clearly, a typo.
"Sorry Jason, But I can't do this anymore," --> another capital mid-sentence. Here, there's more than that though. The sentence should be written as such: "Sorry, Jason. I can't do this anymore."

"Hey [add comma] you okay? You zoned out there for a second."

Tina, not the person she wanted to see and the last person she wanted to be noticed by. So she quickly snuck out the back. --> I suggest: Tina. Not the person she wanted to see, and the last person she hoped [something in place since you just used wanted] to be noticed by.

Adam not at all amused with Tina just half grinned. --> Adam, not at all amused with Tina, just half grinned.

Adam thought for a moment, and realized he didn't know who she was. ---> No comma after moment.

"How can you not know [comma] baby?"

"How about tonight you and me have our own little party." ---> you and I

"Adam [comma] what's wrong?"

"I'm fine [semicolon or period] just go home."

First an alcoholic, now a addict. ---> an addict

The agreement was that she see Jason for 6 months and she would be clean. ---> sees

The fact that she killed on [one?] person and injured her boyfriend to the point where he didn't remember who she was?


"What are we doing?" Adam half dazed asked. --> Adam, half-dazed, asked.


"Babe [comma] slow down, [period or semicolon] you are drunk."

She caressed his bleeding forhead. ---> forehead

"911 [comma] what's your emergency?"

"Um Um, Ahh, Help us please. It hurts real bad." ----> This would be written: Um, um. Ahh... (or period) Help us, please! It hurts really bad.

"Okay [period] can you tell me where you are?"

She looked up, [remove comma] and stumbled for a moment.


Her eyes opened at the sight of Adam still lying there unconsious. --> unconscious

She could here the woman on the other line, but she couldn't respond and she just laid there, Her hand still holding the phone. -----> This would be written: She could *hear* the woman on the other line, but she couldn't respond. She just laid there, still holding the phone.




You keep adding 'and's' and 'but's' that are unnecessary and mess with the flow of your writing.


CHARACTERS:

The characters were believable.


APPEARANCE:
In between 'sections' where you divided it by "---" it seemed choppy and didn't flow into the next. I was confused because you used that and also chapters.


POSITIVES:

What I liked most: The story line was excellent. It has a lot to offer and a ton of potential. I was interested in the characters and plot.


CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:

What I liked least: Grammar could use grooming.
My Suggestions: I'm not an EMT or anything, but I do know that they use certain terminology. Maybe consider referring to the injury as a "puncture wound" or saying "punctured the skin" or something along those lines instead of stabbing her side. This is just a suggestion, as I said - I'm not an EMT!


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Hello IceSkatingSugarCube !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.

GRAMMAR & SPELLING // WORD CHOICE:
In the beginning, before I was sucked into the story, I noticed a little bit of awkwardness with wording more than anything. Once the story stole my attention, I wasn't paying attention to spelling or grammar anymore - which is a good thing!


CHARACTERS:

The characters were believable.
Sara was humble for someone passing away. She reminded me on my grandmother when she had breast cancer -- she didn't make a fuss, didn't want to tell the world. People like that are so strong. It's easy to want to fold and grab everyone's attention when you're in that much pain and in a situation such as Sara but she didn't seem like that at all to me. She seemed to have a sense of peace. Maybe it was because she had family there who love her.

Becky is strong and there for her mother no matter what.

Skip is believable as well. He's in the situation where his mother in law is dying. Does he want to go there every day? No. But he's a good man for keeping his feelings to himself and being there for his wife in her time of need. He doesn't have to -- especially when it was made clear seeing her is hard for him. But he would have been kind of a jerk if he ACTED on those thoughts. Having them isn't bad -- it's what you do with the thoguhts that count haha.




POSITIVES:

What I liked most: This story was beautiful and horrifyingly sad - everything a Cancer story should be. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer at a young age (17) so I related to this story in more ways than I wish I did. You hit the nail on the head with the emotions, in ways that only someone with experience really could. Cancer is a terrible thing especially when it's taking over someone you love. The way this is written is incredible. You captured me right away and stole my attention.
My Favorite Part:


CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:

I have nothing negative to say. Great story!



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Hello 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.

GRAMMAR & SPELLING:
You did great with grammar and spelling. I just want to suggest one thing for clarity. In your sentence: "Before I could grab her shots rang out and I dropped to the floor." I would suggest adding a comma after 'before I could grab her' You don't have to, it wouldn't be wrong if you didn't but just for clarity and smooth reading, I do suggest it.

WORD CHOICE:
You didn't use any extravagant words, but seriously, this is for a 75-word contest! I am impressed. You got across so much in such few words. That takes talent.

CHARACTERS:
With the word count limit, it's damn near impossible to get to KNOW a character. But... within a few words, I did learn that your character had a child that meant the world to her. By saying, she moved without thinking shows that her daughter is important to her. Some may think, well duh, that's her daughter but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. There's abusive parents, selfish parents, parents who would save themselves first, etc. So it shows character.

EMOTIONS:

It made me feel: Wow, this short little piece had me worried the second the child was mentioned. It was.. I would say unsettling before that moment. But when the child was mentioned, it pulled at my heartstrings especially as a mother. I just pictured my own son. It's definitely a devastating scene. I think this could be great if extended upon and free of word limitations.


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Hello The Man From The Arch !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.

GRAMMAR & SPELLING:
Here are areas to be noted:
1. As the Sr. Louis Blues won their first Stanley Cup [ ADD A COMMA HERE] I couldn't help but reflect on my childhood.
2. You see [ADD COMMA HERE] I was in grade school when it was built.
3. Of course [ ADD COMMA HERE ] one of the things people were curious about was many wondered what they would do if that got to the top and they were 20 ft or so off?
4. It does actually move and can stand up to 150 mile an hour winds. [mile-an-hour]
5. If St. Louis ever gets those kinds of winds [ ADD COMMA HERE ] they will have more to worry about than just the arch coming down.
6. My life has taken me hundreds of miles away from my hometown [ ADD COMMA HERE ] and yet there are still those childhood memories.


WORD CHOICE:
The sentence, "Of course one of the things people were curious about was many wondered what they would do if that got to the top and they were 20 ft or so off?" is a bit wordy in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with it grammatically aside from what was pointed out, but reading it is a mouthful. By changing around the wording slightly, you could make it into a smoother sentence for readers.

POSITIVES:

What I liked most: This is a short yet sweet paragraph of your reflections. This could really be added onto significantly and turned into something great -- even a memoir.
My Favorite Part: My favorite was the closing sentence, where you mention how life has brought you many places yet your childhood memories will always be with you, in other words.


CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:

My Suggestions: I suggest using Grammarly, a grammar checking software to proofread your work. Grammarly is incredible and my extra set of eyes when writing.


CREATIVITY:

It was creative and original in the sense that it was your own life and memories.

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Hello Fivesixer !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.


GRAMMAR & SPELLING:
With poetry it's always a bit difficult to comment on because people do things a particular way and in poetry, it's not right or wrong to use/not use proper punctuation. If you did mean to use punctuation throughout the entire poem, you're missing commas. If not, everything is perfect.

WORD CHOICE:
You had an excellent word choice, avoiding boring, dull language. Your words drew me in and grabbed my attention.

RHYME & FLOW:
Your poem was not a rhyming poem, which is fine. It flowed naturally and freely.

POSITIVES:

What I liked most: The positive, motivating message. It was an inspirational poem.

EMOTIONS:
I love how you say you will boldly live with the consquences and how you are basically the reason for everythnig that happens in your life because you have the power to make your life better or worse. This is a strong message.

CREATIVITY:

It was extremely creative and original

HELD MY ATTENTION?:

You held my attention from the first sentence until the very end.

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Hello Dreamy Wood !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.

GRAMMAR & SPELLING:
I did notice quite a few grammatical errors in your writing. I suggest going back over your writing and remember to edit, edit, edit!

It [ wasn't ] wan't that hard to break into the cellar.
The door, heavy and stuck. [ sentence fragment ]
...skipping over the final two, [remove comma] before the ground leveled out.
Through my shoes [comma] I could feel a slight change
but underneath that [comma] there was a faint scent
...lit somewhere to my right [comma] and I felt rough skin
Why are you down here?, [remove comma ] I wanted to
"Oh, okay!" Katie giggled awkwardly [comma ] and I
The light in front of me grew larger, but it's flickering quality remains. [you switched tenses for remains. It was be remained. ]
Katie had a couple of inches on me, [no comma ] and was
for the tips [but shouldn't be in caps ] But it wasn't her appearance that had me [doesn't make sense and there's a period after startled ] startled.to grace her shoulders.


WORD CHOICE:

You had a ton of adverbs especially -ly adverbs which weaken your writing. I suggest using a thesaurus and spicing up your writing.


OVERALL OPINION:

I think this has a lot of potential. Check your grammar and spelling. You can use a tool like Grammarly to check the grammar for you. I also suggest a thesaurus.


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Hello Isabella !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind; I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Do what you feel is right for your writing! Any advice given is with love and a desire to help you become the best writer you can be.

GRAMMAR & SPELLING:
The grammar was almost difficult to read. I HIGHLY suggest using a grammar checker in the future such as grammarly to edit your work. There was so many errors that I didn't even get thm all in the editing process. Below is a copy of your story with my suggestions added in red.

Mother, father, brother [add comma] and sister ( [ remove space ]not including the cat and dog). [sat shouldn't be capitalized, and there shouldn't be a period here. This is one sentence.]Sat by the fire to cook their hot dogs, Smores, and also to ward off the occasional wind from the mountain's lake in the summer season. After eating, the mother thought it would be fun to tell a ghost story since the children were now old enough. I can't be certain [makes no sense]if be told be before, here [again, makes no sense-->]through story goes:
[Remove space between quotation and T]" There is an old mansion in the bayou of Louisiana. [missing an article]Mansion was built by a pirate who was reported to [incorrect grammar for the entire sentence] have hid some of his treasure in his house. The treasure was never know to have been found after the pirates death. The[ locals ] local believed the old pirate watched over his treasure even after death. Years passed, and the waters[crept] creeped further up the land causing damage [comma] not only to the land[comma] but also to the once beautiful mansion itself. One day[comma] a weary traveler came upon [article] old mansion to rest for the night. He was sleeping soundly when he heard a sound,[ the sound should be set apart and in italics] rap. He listened for a minute and heard nothing. He was just about to go back to sleep when he heard it again[comma] but louder, Rap, Rap. This time [article]young gentleman,[doesn't need comma] got up from the sleeping bag he laid down on[doesn't make sense] a very worn, French coach and looked around the room a moment. Tired as he [makes no sense]was give up soon and laid back down. Before he could lay his head down, he heard even louder Rap, Rap, Rap. By this time the young man was on edge and decided he would leave if the noise [continued] continue on. As before [comma]the noise stopped. He was just about to sit down, when he heard louder than ever, Rap..Rap.. "
The mother, looking at her two children, [this part doesn't make sense]knew that had become drawn into the story and time was now.
She jumped at the[ children ] Childern's at this time while saying "Raping Paper!". [wrapping paper is spelled this way if you're speaking of r]
Once the [children's ]children hearts returned to their normal pace, the mother told her children that because of all moisture over the years that the[wallpaper] wall paper [grammar] had finally was coming lose [loose]from walls and making the [rapping]raping noise. [remove "that"]That the young gentleman tore out of house [comma ]drove away, never to visit that place again.


WORD CHOICE:

I suggest going back through your writing with a thesaurus; they are our best friend! Avoid boring, dull language. Get rid of overused words! It would truly improve your writing to spruce up the wording a bit.

CHARACTERS:
I really don't have too much to say about the characters because you didn't give the reader a chance to get to know them


POSITIVES:

What I liked most: I like the idea of the story. It could become something really great if edited well and rewritten


CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:
My Suggestions:
Use Grammarly for grammar and spelling
Use a thesaurus
Reread and edit your work

CREATIVITY:
So, the idea of the story was creative and a really great foundation. Build from that foundation and it could become an original, wonderful story.

Overall Opinion:
The plot of the story has potential, but it was butchered with grammatical errors. The language was dull and filled with overused words. Don't be discouraged though, there are programs like Grammarly that will correct grammar and spelling for you. There are also free classes sometimes through WdC that you can take for grammar.

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