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426
426
Review of Forever Changed  
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

I have erased most of my normal template to respond personally to this story. I do not want to suggest anything (even though I do not think I would have any grammer or spelling errors to 'correct' anyways). I do not want to tell you what I liked the most because in this poem, although it was beautifully written, I hate what caused it to have to be said. I hope I make sense. I am so sorry for your sisters loss. This poems tells, I am sure, what she must have felt or is still feeling. I could not imagine. I am off to read the other pieces you mentioned and will respond privately if at all. I am writing this as part of the package are recieving and making it public for that purpose, but also to draw other's eyes to this piece.

If anyone has lost a loved one, especially a child, I reccommend you reading this author's poem. It may make one feel better to realize they are not alone in their grief.


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
427
427
Review of Tulips  
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

OH! Who knew a little prompt could inspire such beautiful words.

*Note3* Suggestions:

Now, you might disagree or others, but I thought aglow should be one word and I looked it up. this is what I found:

Main Entry: aglow
Pronunciation: \ə-ˈglō\
Function: adjective
Date: 1817
: glowing especially with warmth or excitement


now, If it is also used the other way, forgive me for trying to correct the spelling:P either way, it doesn't take away from the rest of the words at all.


*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

It is only four lines, so me picking out a favorite thing would be hard. It was all beautifully written. I am impressed that so few words paint such a vivid picture.

*Note5* Summary:

Everyone should use prompts and join contests. It has helped me find inspiration and has obviously done the same for you:)

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
428
428
Review of Depression  
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

A poem that perfectly describes the feelings of a deep depressive person.

*Note3* Suggestions:

Well, being that i gave it five stars, I do not have any. OH! wait! I can suggest that you keep writing.

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I am not sure why i loved this piece so much. perhaps it is because I can relate. perhaps it is because I like dark poetry. Perhaps because you described the emotions of a depressed person so well, even ending with the line 'Help!'. Many people do leave others alone when they practically beg to be left to delve deeper into their depression and sickness. Sometimes, yes, it is better to let them work it out. Sometimes, it is a call for help. It is such a hard thing to know when it is best to keep pushing that person to seek help with their depression. clinical depression has to be helped by a doctor usually. anyways...this poem struck a cord with me. The words were hauntingly beautiful and desperate.

*Note5* Summary:

I hope that other read your words and see if they can they can relate and if they can or know someone who is suffering, they seek help.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
429
429
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

This poem could fit so many people and situations, I am sure. I think of a time when I felt this way, actually more then once. I remember being addicted to drugs and feeling this way at the end, calling out for a brand-new me. It could be someone who is sick, depressed, so many things.

*Note3* Suggestions:

This is just my opinion but in the second verse with the line: 'Watching the options that I had' I would think reviewing or another word would be better suited because of the rest of the verse.


*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

Although I really enjoyed the entire poem, the first verse drew me in. I love it. it is perfectly worded (again in my opinion:))

*Note5* Summary:

Such a positive poem. Really gives hope to anyone feeling they can not change their circumstances.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
430
430
Review of Discarded v3  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Balloon4*A Review to celebrate your WDC Birthday!*Balloon4*
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

I THINK I know what has happened here by your words, but can not be sure. I am assuming that someone has died. I am thinking suicide since you were looking for a note. I loved the writing in most places, except I was left a little confused by what it all meant. I started in the beginning where you advised the reader to start.

*Note3* Suggestions:

I am not sure what walk you are speaking about in the beginning and why no one else has ever taken it. I am also confused about what has actually happened. Perhaps, revising or adding to it would allow the reader to connect to the writer easier.

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

You used some great imagery. I could almost smell the trailer. I could feel the confusion and pain of the writer.

*Note5* Summary:

I am not sure, again, if this is about suicide (I have been there and that is what it feels like to me) but the story is one of sadness.

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!

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I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
431
431
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.


*Note2* Overall Impression:

This is a very sad story of a troubled youth, death and it's affect on others. I liked the 'idea' of the story and you wrote well, decribing the charcters well and their emotions. I had a little problem with some of the story, but it could easily be fixed and turned into a great piece.

*Note3* Suggestions:

there are a few places that need fixed right away:

Close to the beginning of the story, when decribing the death of the sister you wrote: They never seemed closed, but It was obvious how much they loved each other. (closed should be close.)

further down you write: My friend did not shared his burden, and neither did I. (shared should be share).

with some of the story, there are some puncuation problems. senetences that could be added together to make the read smoother and get the message across better (IMO)



*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I loved the way you described some things.

examples:

"His lips curved downwards, responding to the overwhelming sadness in his heart."

"The sky was clear and the sun bright, which I found very ironic."

I loved your message at the end:

" *If you are having suicidal thoughts and/or are cutting yourself, please stop. Search for professional help or talk to your parents. Life has more for you than you'll ever know if you deprive yourself of it. Don't do it!*"


*Note5* Summary:

This all was inspired by a nightmare? I think you should pay attention to your dreams more often if it produces an ability to share it with others the way you did here. I would revise a bit and check spelling and grammer. i think you have a gift, use it well:)


*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
432
432
Review of Limes  
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello final_cut and congratulations on your recent winning entry in "Invalid Item" .

As part of your winnings, you are receiving the EBB Love Fan Package! The package includes a total of 9 reviews from our FAN - ATIC gifters! *Smile* I'm thrilled you were chosen for this honor *Bigsmile*

Review of
Limes  (ASR)
Prompt: a horse, an earring, and an ice cream cone
#1554368 by romance_junkie





MY FAVORITE PART

I loved how you worked the prompts in with ease. It did not seemed forced at all, but a natural part of the story.


SUGGESTIONS

*Star* I did not see mention of icecream cone (a prompt)
*Note3* but am assuming that waffle cone is the same thing?


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I loved this short story on a first meeting at the grocery. It was cute and made me smile.

Warmest Best,
*Heart* Just call me Omni

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Hey, check out the Author Fan Club! It's an awesome way to pay tribute to your favorite authors!

"Ink Blot Hall of Fame" 
433
433
Review of Tap the Muse  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was fun! Everyone should play "Tap the Muse!"

It is an excellent way to spark some immediate imagination, sraw atention to your work as well as a place to see what others have to offer.

I think this was a great idea. Now I am off to do some reviewing of those that have posted their link:)

Play
IN & OUT
Tap the Muse  (18+)
Link an item to advertise or for r/r and write a short piece with the given word.
#1569967 by Joy
434
434
Review of ~Demon's Night  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Balloon4*A Review to celebrate your WDC Birthday!*Balloon4*
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

Another great scary read. Good use of the prompts I know are offered up in the contest.

*Note3* Suggestions:

In the very first line: 'Take you faith and heed your escape.' do you mean, take YOUR faith?

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I really enjoyed this entire poem. Well written and flowed so well (guess it is that meter again..but I don't know, i read all poems to my own musical tone in my head:))

I can't pick out just a few lines as my favorites, this was all good:)

*Note5* Summary:

A must read! Truly deserving of it's award:)

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!

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I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
435
435
Review of ~ A Silent Child  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon4*A Review to celebrate your WDC Birthday!*Balloon4*
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

Wow! So brutally evil! Poor child! But woah, it scared this adult.

*Note3* Suggestions:

I am still learning about 'meter' so i am sure some lines were worded to fit this meter...I would have chosen to say that last line of the first verse a little differently, but that is why my poems lack some of this 'meter' thing everyone is so gung ho on:) LOL

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I loved the cruel way this child is played (yes, I can enjoy a sick poem withe best of them:P).
I loved these lines the most:

'A child so torn shivers in fright.
Dark shadows lurk and play at night.'

'Her body shivers and grows so cold.
No longer will she have mommy to hold.'

and the last verse was great!



*Note5* Summary:

you can be one sick puppy:P I like it:) lol

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!

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I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
436
436
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Balloon4*A Review to celebrate your WDC Birthday!*Balloon4*
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to give you my opinion, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

A very dark, quite frightening poem! I loved the chill it sent up my spine.

*Note3* Suggestions:

I do not have any really except one line that made me pause:
"I wish I only, could have chosen, not be granted."
I think I understand what you are trying to say but the commas placed where they are made me pause and reread.

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

My favorite lines...although I loved all...

"Broken bones and splintered hearts never heal.
We are trapped in the shadow of God's backside."

and! I absolutely loved, loved the first verse!

*Note5* Summary:

I love dark poetry, especially when written well. I think this was written well:)

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!

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I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
437
437
Review of I am you  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.


*Note2* Overall Impression:

A sad and depressing poem describing the emotions the writer goes through when it rains.

*Note3* Suggestions:


I would check spelling first. I would also read this over again and see if perhaps you could clean it up just a bit. It is a rough read for me. It is a very deep poem and would hate to have it marred by something simple like spelling errors or grammar.

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I like the idea of the poem. It is dark and haunting and yes depressing. I can relate somewhat to how you feel.



*Note5* Summary:

With some extra work on this, I think it can be a quite amazing poem with a powerful statement.


*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
438
438
Review of I Believe  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.


*Note2* Overall Impression:

(from reference to having to go to school daily) I am assuming this is a story from one of writing.com's younger writers. This is a tale of this person;s believe in strength. It is profound and stated beautifully.

*Note3* Suggestions:

I have no real suggestions, but to continue further with your thoughts. perhaps turn it into a short story with paragraphs and some personal examples of how your belief has helped you life...in more detail.


*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I also believe that we have to come together to find real strength. My wish, although I know it may be a fool's wish, is that the world will come together without bias or prejudice and support each other. we see examples of it everyday, but I want more. call me greedy:P I loved the way you spoke so positively about mistakes being building blocks to success and how your friends help you out.


*Note5* Summary:

a very nice read. I applaud you for your maturity and positivity:)


*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
439
439
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.


*Note2* Overall Impression:

It is a poem about the northern lights. I have always wanted to see this wonder. A mildly decriptive poem.

*Note3* Suggestions:

First, I would check your spelling. I know I am horrible at spelling and always try and remember to use 'spell check'.

I love the concept, I would look at your poem again and see if you could fix a few things to make them better and perhaps try and be more descriptive describing the lights themselves.

example:

(from your poem)

Look to the night sky,
magic to simple eyes.
Bask in heavenly glow,
happening since long ago.
Colors reflect on ice,
Sun will come in a trice.

Some great words, (magic to the simple eye is great!) but I would have liked to see more description. some people do not know how beautiful the lights are or even know they exist at all. Also the last line I do not understand.


*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

Loved the concept. I loved the lines:

Sliping by stoic trees,
innate desires to appease I would spell check that but beautiful. you should follow up on what the man is seeking exactly...

Look to the night sky,
magic to simple eyes. (very nice!}



*Note5* Summary:

Again, great concept. I would just like to see more written to make the poem more complete. It can be really great if you expand:)


*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!


I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
440
440
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Please take this review for what it is; my personal opinion. I am not a professional editor, nor do I portray myself to be an expert in reviewing. My intent is to share my feelings concerning your work with you, nothing more. It is my sincere hope that you will find something useful in it and disregard the rest.

*Note2* Overall Impression:

Wow! I was listening to 'bridge over troubled waters' before I stumbled lover this poem and I was reading it with tune of the song. It went beautiful to the music in the first two verses and then fell out of rhythm towards the middle of the poem. it didn't match one of my favorite songs,after all.... so I turned the music off:P This poem was beautiful!

*Note3* Suggestions:
I have none but to ask permission to favorite this and read it again and again. I shall pretend I know formal forms of poetry, although I only recognize your words and how they made me feel. All this abbbdd bbccaa stuff confuses me still:P

*Note4* What I personally liked the Most:

I enjoyed all of the poem. It told of a story (to me) of enlightenment. But the first two lines, though simple, were beautiful and set the story up so well.

*Note5* Summary:

I don't need your permission to favorite. haha:) There is the button right there *click*

*Thumbsup* Thank you for the read and Write on!

I have been adopted by a mentor in The Angel Army
*Note5*"The WDC Angel Army" *Note5*
441
441
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
can I make a donation? I am so new but would be willing to offer the following package..

a mini poetry port raid, including ten reviews of their work. An awardification for my favorite poem or merit badge for poetry (their choice). A c-note 'thank-you" to highest bidder for their generousity.

if it is okay, let me know. thanks:) I am very new to this but it a great cause:)
442
442
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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This is a poem about death? This makes me sad. I hate to think that anyone thinks of death as something beautiful, especially someone so young who should be filled with life. I am sure this is just something you felt for a short time...at least i am hoping.

The poem was haunting because i knew what you were speaking of. If i didnt know it was a poem about death it could have been quite a pretty little picture of like a fantasy place.

It is good thought to write down your feelings. i hope this takes some pain away, writing as a form of release of those feelings that are not always so good for us.
443
443
Review of You have no idea  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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the is is a great start at explaining how you feel, but may I offer some thoughts and perhaps help?

the first part...

You have no idea
You think im happy
You think im content
But if you could see the thoughts
The thoughts I think

what would they think? finish the thought before going on to the next part.

also you should break up the poem into verses of some sort. making it have seperate parts, like a beginning, middle, end sort of thing.

I love these lines:

Every beat of my heart is filled with heartache
Every breath I take is forced
Everey day I live is wasted away
Little by little I fade away

you might want to break up the lines a little more and of course, again, check your spelling. but wow! great words that make the reader feel your pain.

write on:)
444
444
Review of War  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Wow! very short poem but powerful, very powerful and made me remember that day.

I think your puncutation is a little off. you have periods after the first two words but not after that.

This brought back memories of that terrible day on 9/11. I think you said so much with these few words.
445
445
Review of Why  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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wow! I feel odd wishing you happy anniversary after reading this as it is so sad. I feel like I should mourn for you.

There is something positive about you life, you are loved. perhaps not by the one you love and want, but that will come one day. I loved some of the words you used in describing you pain, but some are misspelled. I know, I am horrid at spelling too, but people notice it and it lessens the impact your words have if they are not spelled correctly. *looks for a spell check for reviews*

Write on, but try the word processor for spelling and final editing of your poems:)
446
446
Review of Gaurdian Angel  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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What a sad poem but with a happy ending, thank goodness!

again, your spelling is lacking. If you have a word processor, copy and paste this into it and then click on spell check. it will look for all spelling errors for you and also grammer fixes. It has helped me a lot. I hope you try it.

write on!
447
447
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Again, Happy WDC Birthday.

I enjoyed reading this poem. some of it was a little confusing to me. The first half really. When you explain that you like her and she likes another...girl? Forgive me, but is the first girl gay? I have no issue with that, it just might leave some wondering and perhaps that is the reason she didnt choose you?

I think you should work some more on this. But I loved certain lines.

Heartbreak and heartache,
They consume me.
I can feel the pain

the very beginning...

Winding circles,
Winding paths,
Turn me round,

very nice!

I think you have talent. It is a little rough, perhaps because you are so young. I think you will grow into a great poet if you continue to practice. I know I have been writing all my life and I still have so much to learn. but please write on!
448
448
Review of I'm sorry  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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First Happy Anniversary!

I am assuming you are young by the words in your poem. I love to see younger people writing about thier feelings.

The poem told of a sad time in your life and I hope you have healed from it and moved on to better things.

that being said, as far as the actual poem. You might want to do some spell checking.

write on!
449
449
Review of A Checkmate  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
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Happy WDC birthday again:)

I am sorry but I have to say reading this was a little awkward. I think the story has good bones and with some serious editing, could be quite good. I could barely get the message I think you were trying to convey to the reader because of the fast pace you wrote of the events.

writing short stories is never easy, at least not for me. Almost all pieces are not works of art when first writen. I hope you work on this.
450
450
Review of Innocent Eyes  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Again Happy WDC birthday!

What a sad poem. I am not sure if this is based in actuality, but if it is, I am so sorry. I can 'feel' the hurt even though I have never experinced this kind of loss myself.

I hope you found healing. It sounds like you have from your poem.
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