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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/omstar
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843 Public Reviews Given
844 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
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Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Chat  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


Travelling with kids is never easy, especially a five year old like Jack. The reader is left wondering what Amy's secret is, how she calms him so quickly. It is not until the end we find out about the 'ghost' threatening to haunt him forever. Nice trick on Amy's part although it will not last as he grows up.

One problem with this story is the changing POV, although the person remains the same. It would appear that at the beginning you are writing in first person POV then half way through it changes to third person when you write “Cut it out, Jack,” Amy snapped .

I see that this was a Writers' Cramp entry. You had another forty five words to use. You did fulfil all the requirements. If it were not for the changing POV you might have ranked higher.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Poetry Terms  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I am a poetry novice. Study of poetry when I was at school was limited to learning a few of the famous ones (Charge of the Light Brigade comes to mind) by rote. I have never studied form or language used in poetry. If I write poetry at all it is little rhyming ditties.

Before writing this review I did your quiz and was surprised to get six out of ten, mainly guess work. I think that if I were to do it a couple more times I might actually learn something. If I were to suggest an improvement it would be at the correct answers stage. Add a dropnote to each answer for those that want to know more by giving examples/explanations.
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I see that this was written a long time ago, when WDC was just starting in fact. I am sure your writing has improved a lot in 22 years on the site so don't take my criticism too much to heart.

The story starts innocently enough with the couple going shopping, then we get the red herring. The explanation of the broken mirror and the blood was a bit of an anti-climax. Words permitting you could have made more of this, built up the tension. Maybe the Hispanic man could have brought a security guard, fearing the worst.

At this point you simply tell us that she called him on the loudspeaker and checked the car. I think she would have been hysterical and made more of a fuss. Show her pacing the floor, making frantic calls to friends, rushing to his workplace, demanding to see his work diary. Then, when realisation hits, show her anger. Build up her search for him and the 'other woman'.

In the final section her ranting should be accompanied by actions - pacing, thumping the cell walls, rattling the bars.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Locked Door  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I would think one of your genres should be sci-fi as we are obviously talking about an android here. We are feeling just as curious as Benjamin about what is behind the locked door. Several things went through my head but not what was actually there. This is kind of a fresh take on Pinochio except this boy is not made from wood.

There is no doubt that a number of versions of Benjamin would be necessary as the 'boy' grows. You could feel the sadness of the father and the shock of the 'son'. ' Benjamin stared over his heaving back' should include the word father's between his and heaving to make it clearer.

You could possibly have given a hint by mentioning the father's occupation.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I have this vision of you and your friends running around the Mall doing crazy things in the hope of reward. Not so many years ago I would have done stuff like that just for a laugh so it is not so far fetched. Maybe the people you know would send for the men in white coats. Different strokes and all that.

When it comes to the internet I don't think I am that gullible but I know folks who are. If someone forwarded me a chain email I would ignore it but I might also talk to the person who sent it to me and advise them to be careful. The emails to watch out for are the ones which say it is time to renew your subscription to ... These can seem genuine but are actually a scam. Better to lose ones dignity than ones money.

You have written this in a light-hearted way but it is a serious subject. It is good that you have listed sites where you can check things out.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


This activity seems straightforward enough. Each month you read a book and then review it. My problem is that I would struggle to read a whole book in a month and you are suggesting in the later instructions that people go for three or more.

The prize structure is a bit confusing too. And I am not sure that having made the effort to read these books I would be happy to wait until November for my reward. Maybe the reward should be linked to the number of words in the book. War and Peace would earn more than The Cat in the Hat for instance.

I have looked at the participants' logs and some are finding it easier than others.
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Review of The Inside Orb  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


A dialogue between two cavemen about the discovery of fire. In order for readers to understand you are forced to use modern language although the actual dialogue at the time would have been far less advanced and probably relied a lot on signs and body language.

In your story one man discovers by accident that striking two stones together causes a spark and the two experiment with capturing fire. I think it is more likely that early man worked it out far more painfully by setting fire to his bedding.

How to improve this - firstly set your genres to more than just contest so that you attract more readers. Secondly, you have 500 words to work with. You could expand this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Noticing Newbies  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


This is a forum for those new to WDC (Newbies) to meet and greet each other and some of us Oldies. Its use is clearly outlined from the start. There are tips on posting. Other forums and contests are listed to help a newcomer to find their way around the site.

One thing that the forum could do is to encourage new members to fill in their bio block. It is surprising how many people still have not done this even years after joining. I often look at the writer's bio before reading and reviewing their story. This tells me who they are and how I should view their work.

The banner could be a little more colourful. What looked great in 2001 is a bit outdated in 2024.
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Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


We have all received negative comment at some time in our writing careers but how you deal with it is the important thing. This article suggests ways of dealing with the problem.

The first section deals with the fact that we are a diverse community with differing ideas of a good or bad story. There are a number of things which influence the way we see the world - age, culture, religion, sexual orientation ... What might be considered negative to the recipient of the review might well be an honest attempt from the sender.

The second section deals with how to deal with what you perceive as negative. The one or two that I have received the first thing I do is look at the bio of the sender. How has that influenced what they have written? Okay, you have to accept that some people are just malicious. The video goes a long way to showing this and is a good inclusion.
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Review of Bug Reporting  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I did not know that this forum existed. Maybe it needs to be better advertised. As to the forum itself it does what it says on the tin. I cannot say that I have personally come across any bugs in the system, but then I don't embed videos or use ML in forum posts apart from linking.

Of all the sites on the internet that I regularly use WDC is the one that I have rarely had a problem with. Before you updated your servers there was the odd occasion when I was unable to access the site but this problem was solved when you updated.

For Premium members there is a lot of extra stuff that I do not have access to as a humble upgraded member so there may be more problems than I am privy to.
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


This is a contest for paid members only. Given the prize levels that is not surprising. The prompts are not straightforward as you would expect from a high value contest.

You start with that rounds prompt. This is a good point to decide whether to enter. If you choose to the rules are clearly outlined next. Then come the prizes on offer and the rule that you must be a paid member to participate. This is all clear.

This contest uses a survey format. What needs to be entered on the form is clearly explained.

The version I am looking at is from March 2024. I see that you received a fair number of entries and none were disqualified. Having run contests this makes a refreshing change.

If I were to make one suggestion it would be to put the paragraph about paid membership being required at the beginning, immediately below the banner.
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Review of Hush  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


The Haiku is one of few poetry forms I understand. It is nice to see one that takes the original subject of nature. Your words bring an image to mind of discovering deer whilst walking in nature.

I have just been reading about the construction of a true Japanese haiku. I am now very confused. Apparently it should consist of two phrases with similar meaning and invite the reader to make a comparison. It should also contain one of the prescriptive words which set the season. (Wikipaedia)

You might want to have a go at reading this and if your mind is not too boggled to use it to inform your haiku writing. Best of luck with that.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


It is strange how thoughtful people can be when it comes to a child with a disability. It is a shame that rarely stretches to the adult disabled person. I don't know what it's like in US, but I have heard some real horror stories here in UK.

I like how these grown men feel they have to hide their emotions by blaming their tears on the sunshine. Your description of Calypso Man shows us this character. I have used made up names like this for small characters just passing through the story. In one of my detective stories all the clients of the agency were given these sort of names.

You write of your depression. I am not sure that you are so much depressed as repressed. You struggle to show emotion but it is there bottled up inside. When you let it out as you do here the cloud lifts. You need more of these little moments.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Aura Of Authority  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


Why the red whistle is important to the family is told here. I can understand Melanie's disappointment at not being picked for the water polo team. I never got picked for any team because I am totally useless at sport of any kind. (Okay, I'm not bad at darts and pool but they are not school sports).

The lifeguard position has to be the next best thing. Her small stature is not necessarily a disadvantage but you do need a strength of character to get people to listen to your instructions.(Another of my failings). The fact that a police officer may not have influenced the situation but it probably helped.

You are good at writing these tales from real life but have you consider doing something that is pure fiction?



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I can understand why you wrote this reply to the person who complained about paying for everything. Some time ago I came across a forum post (I can't remember which forum) from a guy who wanted WDC to make him a sizeable grant so that he could take time out to write the great novel. I chose not to reply on the forum but emailed him instead.

I told him he had a damned cheek, especially with the amount of money he was asking for. I pointed out that the site was not a charity. That no one can be that cocksure of writing the next bestseller. I also told him that many of us are on low incomes but we are happy to pay a subscription because of what we get from the site. He did not reply.

I knew there was a lot of free stuff here on WDC but seeing it itemised like this made me realise just how much.
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Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 7" 
Review by Odessa Molinari
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


Although this says it is a review of just chapter seven I am in fact reviewing the book as a whole. I cannot call it a novel as it is way too short as it stands. I like the story - there is something of a cross between James Bond and The Da Vinci Code about it. It does however get a bit confusing. Who's who? It is only at the end you realise some sort of police involvement is happening.

A good novel (or film for that matter) follows a certain curve. In Chapter One you establish who your main character is, their norm. You might hint that something is about to happen to them towards the end of that chapter, such as the arrival of the letter. It should have a setting although beware of too much description without action attached.

Chapter Two could be the meeting at the Gentlemen's Club. You are immediately wondering where these people come into the story. Let us see them and their surroundings. Think of each chapter as a scene in a movie. We should see where we are, who the people are, and what is happening.

You have spent years working on this. Don't waste that time and effort. Maybe you could use this as an outline for Nano.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 2" 
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I am intrigued by everything that is going on here. I get the feeling Clive does not know what he is in for. Cedric, Roderick, Geoffrey et al sound like they may be military. I would love to know where that tunnel is heading.

Again there is room to grow this story. You spend a fair amount of time telling us the logistics of Clive's journey. Maybe you could use the five senses to make this a happy journey for him, interspersed with the ominous fact that he is being followed.

It is interesting to see the work was originally created in 2009 yet this entry was made in 2019. I take from this that the first chapter was abandoned then picked up again ten years later.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 1" 
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I see in the header that this was connected to a contest, not one I am familiar with though. I see the words in bold, but there is no mention of a word count limit. This is way too short for a chapter.

In the first section I would have put the content of the letter in its own paragraph as a quotation, possibly in italics. You could build the search for a hotel using internal dialogue and more action. Let us see that computer screen. Maybe Clive could have a conversation with a significant other or his boss.

I am not sure how you can expand the second section but you could add some description of the men. Possibly change the last line to make it more of a cliffhanger.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Home  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


Altzheimers or any kind of dementia is very cruel. My mother suffered for the last few years of her life and when the end came is was a blessing. I have written stories with this theme myself.

I see that it was written for Writer's Cramp. You only used 650 words out of the 1000 available. You could maybe have expanded on the section where he told Carl about his life. Made it conversational rather than just telling the reader. Maybe the old man could mention having a son.

I see that this was written less than a year after you joined WDC. The points I made are probably obvious to you now. Hopefully we all improve with experience.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


An inventor spurred on by the death of his daughter. I believe they are working on such a tool for early diagnosis of cancer so it is not so far fetched.

Jameson as a character name is a bit of a mouthful when you are reading the story and you do use it rather often. It is better to avoid repeating words too close together. Find other ways to refer to him, e.g. mad professor, doc, nerd, whatever.

The first paragraph is a bit long and it tells rather than shows. The long paragraph in the middle which tells how Bethany spent two years away from them is also long and slows the story down.

Look at contest sites and read the winning entries, see what makes them stand out from the crowd.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Just Stop!  
Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


An interesting conversation between two blind people unaware of each other's disability. I can understand Cara's not wanting to be 'picked up', especially as she does not know who the man is. He could be fat and fifty. I can see and I would still be wary of a stranger who started a conversation.

It is good that you do not overuse the he said/she said. It is a habit I soon got out of when I joined WDC. Your dialogue is natural although you could maybe have made it more interesting using dialect/accent without using any more words. When it comes to your genre choices I would have thought romance would be more applicable than fantasy.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


Very spooky. I remember this picture prompt from some time ago but I forget which contest it was for. The opening seems a bit jerky. It is only when you start the conversation with your ex-friend that it really takes off. The use of green for the ghost's contribution to the conversation is useful in that it highlights the other person's absence.

We don't know exactly what was in the contract because the words were changing. Maybe it was always two blank sheets and Otis' guilt filled in the rest. It would seem that Ezra is dead. The final words suggest that it would not be long before Otis joined him.

If you were to rewrite the opening paragraph this story would really sing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I get what you are saying here and I agree with you. When they build a shrine it is somehow like they are celebrating the death. In this case it would have been better to put up a sign saying 'A child died here. Slow down.'

The majority of those who left flowers etc. probably did not even know the child. It is herd mentality. When Princess Diana died at least the shrine was in a place far remote from the accident scene. This made some sense.

Better that those who knew the family agreed to meet up in a certain place to remember him and how he was in life.

I like the way you compared what was happening at the shrine with what was happening to the family. My only suggestion is to better publicise this essay and get the word out.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


It is good to see that this forum is seeing some lively discussion. There are some forums on the site that don't see any action for weeks.

It is made clear what this forum is about. The rules are clearly outlined. From the posts I have read these rules are being adhered to.

The banner for this forum is a bit boring. Maybe it is time for a bit of modernisation. This reminds me of something you would see on the platform of a preserved railway from the 19th century.

You offer tips on forum posting. You also advertise other forums which could be useful, especially to Newbies. These are a good things, however some sort of division needs to be more clearly made between this and the main body of the forum itself.
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Review by Odessa Molinari
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" . Come ride with us! *Biking*


I don't get the first paragraph. It does not seem to have any connection to the story. Or is it an introduction to a collection of stories to be told by Molly?

I get the feeling this is a work in progress. Matthew's night time patrol seems to end badly but when Jeff finds the flashlight there is no further mention of Matthew and everything goes back to normal. Is there more to come? I do hope so.

You certainly build an eerie atmosphere in the graveyard. However, as it stands we are left wondering about Matthew's fate. Does anyone bother to try and find him? Or does everyone just think he is yet another person to vanish without trace. You need to give this story an ending.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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