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Review Requests: ON
884 Public Reviews Given
885 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to say how I relate to an item. Spelling and grammar are less important.
I'm good at...
Giving encouragement
Favorite Genres
Thiller, Detective.
Least Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-fi
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Free verse.
I will not review...
Items over 4k words.
Public Reviews
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Review of Wee Hours  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
In the end this all feels a bit rushed. I know you are working to a word limit but maybe you should spread your story more evenly.

You develop your character well, explaining how he changed from being an events photographer to the more murky side of undercover work. You could shave a few words from this part to give more to the romance with Janice.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
The problem with a lot of these places is that there is a big divide between the 'haves' and the 'have nots' and the 'haves' are determined to keep it that way, often pocketing aid money meant to solve the poverty.

The boy, Kicky, deserved a much better life than he got. The guard you named Napoleon (check your various spellings of the name) got just what he deserved.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a good interpretation of the prompt. However, this feels like the start of a novel rather than a stand-alone story. The reason I have not entered this one is that I feel it calls for much more than 1000 words.

Your first paragraph is way too long, especially to be read on line. I got lost a few times. I get that it is setting the norm for Marissa, but is far too much 'tell' and not enough 'show.

The final paragraph leaves a lot of questions. I feel I want to read the next chapter. Good for a novel but not right for a short story.


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Review of Teapot  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This piece has a real flavour of India. I am not sure that I understand the philosophy that Mitti Amma is trying to teach Trupti. Maybe I am not supposed to.

Your characters are well developed. There is a mystical quality to Mitti Amma even is she is just a humble potter. You do not name the man who ordered the red and white tea-set. Maybe you should because I see him in a follow up story where he meets up again with Trupti.


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5
Review of Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
All of us artists have a dream. I have never sold a single painting/drawing - words are my thing. Now my dyslexic daughter is a different story.

Art is very subjective. The lady in lavender obviously had a darker side. I like the way the lads judged her to be looking for spring flowers for her drawing room. We often decide who a person is from their appearance.


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Review of Just Desserts  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
An excellent horror but for one thing. So the Master became the Mistress - don't you know, women can be far worse than men, ha ha ha.

You give us a setting - the old restaurant. It is described in enough detail without the need for an info-dump. Although we do not have his given name we learn quite a lot about The Master.

Alzacohoth - is that a name from some ancient culture or something you invented? To me it sounds like an indigestion remedy invented by Knight Rider.


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Review of Young Inventor  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A children's story for grown-ups. Who knows, maybe horses do have discussions about their role in life. I like the reference to animal farm. I know that after the second world war many farm horses were made redundant. Horse meat stew anyone?

Wouldn't it be great if the internal combustion engine had been invented by a female. Mind you, with the way things are going, horse drawn vehicles could make a comeback.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC. This seems like the start of something much longer rather than a complete story. It is usual for a short story to have only 2 or 3 characters, here you have way too many.

There is no story arc. Nothing happens to people who are just names. There is no dialogue, no real interaction between your characters.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC. Dreams are always strange and this comes across in your writing. You have not filled in your bio so I know nothing about you. This dream sounds like that of a young person. Are you just about to leave home to go to college?

I see no problems with spelling or grammar.


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Review of David's Tale  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
WOW! What a powerful story. I have known a lot of people who have suffered sexual abuse in childhood but I only see the aftermath, dysfunctional adults. Your story brings forth the reality that they remember time and again.

You really get inside the head of David. The terrified fourteen year old who becomes resigned to his lot. The sixteen year old afraid to face friends and family, ashamed of what he has become.

The only bit of the story which I find unbelievable is that the kidnapper returned David to his home. It is far more likely that he would have been dumped far away or more likely killed.


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Review of On the Other Side  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I do not normally review poetry but in this case I made an exception. This has rhythm and rhyme and it has a story. How many of us have thought the grass is greener only to regret it. I am twice divorced, do I need to say more?

You talk of going over the fence, of finding things which at first seem better than what you have. Then you realise that things are not so perfect so you travel back to your lover. If only it were that easy.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Chapter 22  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC. Jumping in at chapter 22 it is difficult to know what is going on in this story. I get that Sabrina is away from home. I know that she is on the phone to her parents for a large part of this chapter. The people you mention in the first paragraphs are unknown to me. Are they real or are they the apparitions that Sabrina refers to?

Maybe these paragraphs need to be more 'show' than 'tell' to clarify things more. Are we talking Hogwarts or Harrow? Is this someone lost in a college environment or some kind of cult? Maybe some description might help intertwined with some action in that first part.


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Review of Date Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Date night, what's that? I already had my daughter when I married my first husband, then the second came with a step child. They are lucky they had that time together before the kids came along.

I get the misunderstanding too. It is good that on this occasion it works out.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really get it. In my case I was not allowed to do anything like housework or cooking as a child. Then I turned eighteen and it was a different story. Do this, do that, with no idea how.

When I had a home of my own I was criticised if it wasn't perfect. I couldn't win.

I love your parting words.
Keep writing,
From one (Im)mature lady to another.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
You are relatively new to WDC but not to writing. These chapters show real promise. You start with the accident that killed Lauren's mother then move to the current time.

Lauren is an interesting character, far more grown up than her years would suggest. Maybe she has to be given Shag's drinking. He obviously feels guilty about Abie's death. Maybe he was driving the 18 wheeler.

It can be taken for granted that Abie's Angel will be a successful race horse but I get the sense there will be a lot of dramatic events on route to her success.


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Review of The Traveling Man  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This sounds like it will be an interesting story. It does need some work. The opening paragraph does not hook you in. Maybe you should start with Phillip walking down the street.

The section were people express their opinions of Phillip could be turned into a conversation. Other stuff like where Bobby lives and the fact that he is a good shot can be brought in with action/dialogue sections.

You need to find a better way of establishing the time period. Clothing can help with this. The important thing is to 'show' not 'tell' your story. This first chapter needs to establish what is normal for Bobby.

The end of the chapter should lead you into the second chapter where something happens to Bobby (the inciting incident). A cliff hanger would be good.


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Review of Not This Time  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
He obviously remembered the anniversary and used that to his advantage. It is typical of kids to con money out of their parents. Mine still do it as adults.

I presume this was written for the Daily Flash Fiction. You do not give a word count so I cannot be sure. Also there are no highlighted words or phrase so I do not know what the prompt was.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC. As you seem to be worried about your writing I thought I would do a port raid. This is the earliest work so I looked at it first.

This is obviously connected to a course of study. I cannot pretend to understand all the science behind it but it is clear and concise.

I know myself how hard it is to go from academic essays to creative writing. I think it uses a different part of the brain. Keep writing and it will get easier.


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Review of Little Ships  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


I am not surprised this story won the contest. We see an old man staring out to sea lost in his memories of the war. Instead of seeing modern boats in the harbour at Dunkirk he sees the small ships evacuating our troops. We learn about the loss of his family then we slip back in time to his meeting with four English soldiers.

At this point I need to make a few corrections. Firstly Lancashire is not a small town, it is a County. If you look at a map of Lancashire you will find some towns and villages with interesting names you could use. Then there is naming your soldiers. Names should fit the place and the time. George and Alfred are okay but Owen is Welsh and Clint is more American. You have to remember that in those days people rarely moved far from where they were born.


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Review of The Chat  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


Travelling with kids is never easy, especially a five year old like Jack. The reader is left wondering what Amy's secret is, how she calms him so quickly. It is not until the end we find out about the 'ghost' threatening to haunt him forever. Nice trick on Amy's part although it will not last as he grows up.

One problem with this story is the changing POV, although the person remains the same. It would appear that at the beginning you are writing in first person POV then half way through it changes to third person when you write “Cut it out, Jack,” Amy snapped .

I see that this was a Writers' Cramp entry. You had another forty five words to use. You did fulfil all the requirements. If it were not for the changing POV you might have ranked higher.


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Review of Poetry Terms  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


I am a poetry novice. Study of poetry when I was at school was limited to learning a few of the famous ones (Charge of the Light Brigade comes to mind) by rote. I have never studied form or language used in poetry. If I write poetry at all it is little rhyming ditties.

Before writing this review I did your quiz and was surprised to get six out of ten, mainly guess work. I think that if I were to do it a couple more times I might actually learn something. If I were to suggest an improvement it would be at the correct answers stage. Add a dropnote to each answer for those that want to know more by giving examples/explanations.
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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


I see that this was written a long time ago, when WDC was just starting in fact. I am sure your writing has improved a lot in 22 years on the site so don't take my criticism too much to heart.

The story starts innocently enough with the couple going shopping, then we get the red herring. The explanation of the broken mirror and the blood was a bit of an anti-climax. Words permitting you could have made more of this, built up the tension. Maybe the Hispanic man could have brought a security guard, fearing the worst.

At this point you simply tell us that she called him on the loudspeaker and checked the car. I think she would have been hysterical and made more of a fuss. Show her pacing the floor, making frantic calls to friends, rushing to his workplace, demanding to see his work diary. Then, when realisation hits, show her anger. Build up her search for him and the 'other woman'.

In the final section her ranting should be accompanied by actions - pacing, thumping the cell walls, rattling the bars.


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Review of The Locked Door  Open in new Window.
Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


I would think one of your genres should be sci-fi as we are obviously talking about an android here. We are feeling just as curious as Benjamin about what is behind the locked door. Several things went through my head but not what was actually there. This is kind of a fresh take on Pinochio except this boy is not made from wood.

There is no doubt that a number of versions of Benjamin would be necessary as the 'boy' grows. You could feel the sadness of the father and the shock of the 'son'. ' Benjamin stared over his heaving back' should include the word father's between his and heaving to make it clearer.

You could possibly have given a hint by mentioning the father's occupation.


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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


I have this vision of you and your friends running around the Mall doing crazy things in the hope of reward. Not so many years ago I would have done stuff like that just for a laugh so it is not so far fetched. Maybe the people you know would send for the men in white coats. Different strokes and all that.

When it comes to the internet I don't think I am that gullible but I know folks who are. If someone forwarded me a chain email I would ignore it but I might also talk to the person who sent it to me and advise them to be careful. The emails to watch out for are the ones which say it is time to renew your subscription to ... These can seem genuine but are actually a scam. Better to lose ones dignity than ones money.

You have written this in a light-hearted way but it is a serious subject. It is good that you have listed sites where you can check things out.


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25
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Review by Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Biking* This review is part of my journey to complete "Tour de Ports" Open in new Window.. Come ride with us! *Biking*


This activity seems straightforward enough. Each month you read a book and then review it. My problem is that I would struggle to read a whole book in a month and you are suggesting in the later instructions that people go for three or more.

The prize structure is a bit confusing too. And I am not sure that having made the effort to read these books I would be happy to wait until November for my reward. Maybe the reward should be linked to the number of words in the book. War and Peace would earn more than The Cat in the Hat for instance.

I have looked at the participants' logs and some are finding it easier than others.
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