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Title Good title. It is used throughout the piece, and has a very specific purpose.
Persona the author is speaking to his wife.
Diction "I notice" is very distinct, direct, telling of what it is he sees, though he may not tell her.
Imagery This is a heart warming piece, makes the reader wish they had that same kind of love, to experience it as well.
Structure Structure of the poem was fine, flowed well.
Theme The theme revolved around the things a husband notices about his wife. And this husband sees much, doesn't let the little things go unnoticed. A very heartfelt, well-writting piece.
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Title
Snow - going with the contest prompt. This title is in direct relation to the young woman and shown throughout each stanza.
Persona Hard to say who the author is speaking to. I have this feeling of someone on the outside looking in. Then I think it's the man, waiting for his lover to come to him. So for me it's a question. Will you answer it for me?
Diction
For me the stand out would be - pierce her in his passion- which is so descriptive, telling of what is to come, that it's not going to be forgettable, but rather something significant that will live on.
Imagery
This is something you do well with. You have a knack for making your words jump off the page as if not reading, but seeing it. It's romantic, and I sense that this was something they waited for, a underlying longing for the perfect moment.
Rhythm How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made?
Rhyme Scheme Does not apply.
Structure Not my my strongsuit, but I don't see any problems with it. Great flow, nothing to made me stop or that seeemed awkward or out of place.
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Title Villanelle is the type of poem the author has written. Brown-haired girl is for the daughter that has grown up, almost right before the author's eyes.
Persona I believe the author is the speaker. I would say it's a father talking to his daughter, not he little girl he remembers so fondly, but to the woman she has grown into.
Diction
The stand out for me - Now I begin to know you; now I see. It's as if he's sudden awaken to realize who is standing before him. It is repeated, so it drives the point home more than anything else.
Imagery Imagery is woven through every stanza. It is easy to see the love he holds for his child. Memories filter through, making him realize all that she has become, that he does know her - the girl she once was, the woman she now becomes- almost as if he rediscovers this.
{c}StructureIt follows the format for which it was intended. Nothing seems forced, just flows naturally.
Theme How important is the theme? Does it illustrate a universal truth? What idea is the poet sharing with the reader?
I had to look up "Villanelle." New word to add to the vocab. So my impression would be that you used the title for two purposes. Villanelle for the type of poem, and with the description of this piece as her name. Yes, the theme worked very well, was almost a journey that you take your reader on. I would say the poet is sharing an intimate view at his life as a father. Thanks for sharing this wonderful cpiece of writing.
***This review is being given as a part of the Chapter ReCappers Group, in the hopes of giving the author valuable feedback.***
Summarize the Chapter/Short Story~
PLOT - A reporter shows up at prision to interview a man on death row. Irwin is cocky and gives no answers that can satisfy Kitty. He taunts her, leaving tiny cumbs of information, and even takes pleasure in her fear of him.
SETTING - The best visual came at the end after the explosion. Having Kitty looking down upon the scene and describing the chaos, the blown building, and the what happened to the protestors was a great way to show the carnage from the bomb.
CHARACTERS - Kitty, the nervous reporter out to get the story that would make her a household name and further her career. Irwin - doesn't seem to have any remorse for his crimes, doesn't like the judge, his lawyer, or people in general.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING - No grammar or spelling errors that I could see. I did notice some repetitive wording. That is the only thing that I can see hindering this piece in any way.
MY OPINION - So if the bomber is in jail, on death row, and the courthouse is blown to bits, does that make Irwin innocent? One does wonder. Nice job.
Flow: Incredible. Very deserving of the trophy. It easily sweeps you in and takes you through a quick journey of never ending love. Sigh. Nothing wrong with that.
Favortive Part/Line/Stanza:
My heart longs for love's deep glorious stain
What heart doesn't, whether we admit that to ourselves or not. We long for love always.
Flow: You have such a gift, bringing great imagery into your writing, catapaulting the reader there, as if standing on the sidelines watching it unfold before their eyes. I swear I could picture that old man in my mind. Great job.
Favortive Part:
He dreams of soaring with the baseball over
second base and swaying ever so slightly in
tandem with the rocking chair on the old
wooden porch whose planks groan under the
weight of too many feet.
This was a great verse, a scene easily pictured.
Final Thoughts: I am thoroughly enjoying reading your poetry and glad that you won the raffle! I'm on to the next one!
Flow: This piece had good flow and read like a short story. Snowbound indoors until heading out to clear the path to the road. I've been doing a lot of that this winter.
My favoite part:
The birds of winter laugh
while we dig our way out
of paradise to race back to
civilization.
Oh how true that line is! Most of the time we don't stop to look at the wonder of the snow, the quiet calm after the storm. We always tend to want to rush back into the chaos of our everyday lives.
JMO: I enjoyed this one, even knowing I get to go out and shovel in a few short minutes. Snow can be magical, and watching from another's pov gave a nice glimpse of what others see looking out their window. Nicely written.
Really nice. It was more like reading a story than a piece of poetry. It had great flow from on stanza to the next. My favorite part was the end, and it brought such a vivid clear picture to my mind, and I found myself wanting to melt right along with the couple.
FAVORITE PART ~
She runs, he stumbles
And under the Station Clock,
They pour into each other's arms.
***This review is being given as a part of the Chapter Recappers Group. This review is given from my point of view. Have a great day and happy writing!***
DESCRIPTION:His depth of emotions were easily felt as he gazed upon her. I could picture that scene taking place clearly in my mind, without knowing who they were, what the room looked like, or even him for that matter. His thoughts as he watched her, though anxious and trying his best to not show it, clicked and worked very well.
DIALOGUE/GRAMMAR:nothing to point out.
JMPO: Great short! Wish it were a bit longer since I connected to this piece. The glimpse of her through his eyes gave great insight into what a man sees, and what little things can do to a person. It doesn't always have to be wine and roses. Thanks for the read.
PLOT: Timmy, who I believe is grown, looks back on his childhood memories, memories that haunt him and refuse to give him peace. Intriguing beginning, enough to get the reader to move forward to see what happened after Mitzi left.
STYLE & VOICE: Everything read well here, nothing to point out at this time.
REFERNCING: All things good here as well. I could easily see Timmy as a child by the way he spoke.
SETTING: Nice job at the breakfast table, easy to see, and with the family dynamic, it wasn't hard to figure out everyone's place. Also the boys racing one another, takes the reader back to their own childhood and how cruel some can be.
CHARACTERS: Timmy- easy to see the love Mitzi holds for her younger brother. Seems almost as if she is his caregiver. The father has total charge of the family, the mother voices her opinion, but lets her husband keep the control. Jeff is the favorite of the parents, and is treated just that way. Mitzi, gone too soon.
GRAMMAR: Nothing to point out. I counldn't find anything mistakes here.
JMPO: Wow, i hadn't realized where 'the eyes' were going, but you caught my attention. I want to know what happens next - especially how Timmy goes forward when the bond with his sister is ripped away.
You have a true gift of spinning a vibrant tale that conjures instant images in the mind of your reader. The poem itself read very well, and had great flow.
My favorite line -
Slow burning embers of a jaded hazel iris,
I can almost picture those eyes filling with fire, of love, of life, of ecstasy. Great line, gripping the readers emotions.
Nice poem in time for Halloween. Good imagery, and very emotional as well. Easy to picture the scene of poor Alice's demise. What a shame that things like that actually happened. It was easy to follow, had good flow and rhyme as well. Just thinking about such a violet death turns me cold.
A lot of stealing of lines in your work. Don't think that's a good idea. It's easy to do when you've had a song in your head, or watched a television show and heard a good line. Be careful of copyright.
As for the poem itself there are issues in regards to flow. Some words could be taken out or moved around to capture the meaning you are trying to convey.
Repetition always has a way of taking away from the message of the piece of writing. Rethinking the use of the word 'once' and finding other words to replace it might be a good idea.
A poem of lost love. The emotional depth was there. The longing was felt, sadness too. Some good rhyme in sections.
Oh what mighty words you've spoken. How sad and true, but summed up so eloquently. Now I am no fan of this man, even before he took office and spread his twist logic to those with closed minds. This had great rhyme and flow, good meter as well. There is nothing I could ever suggest since you've managed to cover his career so well. This poem embraces what we all should feel over what this man has done to us, and to the world. Never before have we been so hated world wide, and the blame lay soley on the shoulders of the idiot sitting in the oval office.
Nice rhyme and meter in this one. Feel good piece of writing. Whoever it was written for, I'm sure she's flattered to know that you think of her with such high regard. It had good flow and everything moved easily from on stanza to the next. Just one little question I had for this line.
you'll always be there that I know is true --was 'is' the word you wanted?
The depth and range of emotion in this piece is intriguing. Easy to read and had good flow throughout. Very sad poem. A few spelling errors.
heart youryou're buying.
we camoflauge dinial.denial
Down at your feet again i bed beg??and plead
Misslead by your cute devious grin--not sure if you wanted mislead, or misled
Placed by fucking looniticks.lunatics
Again i drink the posisonpoison from the vielvial.
Nothing wrong with crying for a man. Though not something I'm sure was easy to admit. Love can be a tricky thing.
Welcome to WDC. Good luck in your writing and never give up.
Well, I find this poem heartbreaking. If that was your intention, then two thumbs up. What I get out of it is a man who loves a woman so much, is willing to go to great lengths for her attention. But alas she is somehow above him, and breaks his heart without a backwards glance. So very sad, depressing even. The very last line just cuts so deep. Easy to feel the pain.
Another poem of love and longing. It was easy to see that her smile means the world to you.
Rhyme changed throughout this piece. The very last stanza had a completely different rhyme scheme from the three previous. Was this intentional? Or did it just work out that way? And for me, this is only my opinion and don't claim to be a poet- the last line lost it's rhyme. Might be better to ditch the 's' on miles, and shorten the sentence.
Talk about a visual. Cringe worthy doesn't even come close to doing this piece justice. I wondered how long he'd be able to contain his disdain. But the phone conversation seemed to push him right ove the edge and with good reason. The projectile was great and definitely needed! LOL.
This brought back a lot of memories for me. The scene was easy to see because you were able to capture that visual in my head. Then came the smell. Yes that too I could smell, not a pleasant oder at all, and something that makes me cringe. It's the ex-smoker in me. Nice piece of writing.
This was different for me to read. You do so well with visualization. Bringing the reader right into the action. The race is easy to follow, the feeling of excitement, sneakiness, determination all tangled together until the final stanza where pride now takes over. It's like a little triumph and then a victory dance right at the end. Nicely done.
Interesting strory. Great emotion with Dimitiri. You took me on his journey of longing, of sadness and loneliness then building desire. The twist was good, didn't see it coming.
Think you could expand on the twist a bit. Drag out his anger, his instant frustration and devastation. How does he feel about this stranger who's arrived ready to give him his hearts desire only to so cruelly twist the knife deeper?
Would be a good start for a book. Maybe follow Dimitri on his quest to find Tsura and make things right.
This was an exceptional piece of writing. It seemed more like a story, than a poem as each verse continued on the story of the encounter. It gripped me right from the beginning. I like the idea of the two strangers coming together though the encounter is considered deceitful. I could easily picture the scene that you painted right before my eyes. It was both beautiful and dreamy, and I would love to read more of your work. If this is a first attempt, then I suggest you keep up the good work. You do well in the genre.
***This review is being given as a part of the Chapter Recappers Group. This review is given from my point of view in the spirit of honesty and the desire to help you as an aspiring author grow and improve in your craft. Please receive my evaluation of your work and these suggestions in the spirit in which they are given and feel free to “throw away” anything that doesn’t work for you. Have a great day and happy writing!***
PLOT: Set in the future, it is a connection to past historic events, told through books found.
DESCRIPTION: Mostly telling. It is hard to get into the scene when you've seen it unfold of television, and are only getting the play by play in the story. If you are going to use characters, then you need for us to care for them, by having the reader go through the motions with that character.
CHARACTERS: Glen is with the Mayor as the city becomes a nightmare. He is a reporter who is getting the story firsthand. Rudy, the mayor, known. Eirelav-historian who uncovered the books.
DIALOGUE/GRAMMAR: Dialogue needs work. It's repetitve in spots, missing end quotes. Some dialogue tags could be omitted. They aren't all necessary. he said, she said. If you are going to use them, then tell me wha the characters are doing while speaking. It thrusts the reader into the story, so we get a clear picture of it in our minds.
JMPO: There is work to be done here. I get the premise of the story, but since you've decided to link the future to the past, you will have to delve deeper into your characters. Make the reader care for them. I haven't cared enough about any of them, and it's a necessity for me as a reader.
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