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Review of Tanya's Scent  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Sensual Infusion  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Section 1: You did a good job with describing your reasons for choosing Paradise Cove's prompt. You also gave good feedback about the other three contests mention. I am sorry that one was closed and you weren't able to access it.

Section 2: In choosing the kiss you started a story with two characters who were established. I have no idea where the characters are. From the first few sentences, I thought maybe they were working out. Reading further I realized they were discussing written material that brings them close enough to kiss.

Other Issues: The use of the word 'felt' takes the reader out of the action. I'd suggest when the urge strikes to use that word, to stop, picture the scene in your mind, describe what the feelings are. Soft lips, wet or hot mouth, butterflies taking flight in the stomach as the kiss deepens. These are all tools you can use in place of the word 'felt'.

Overall: A good start. My advice would be to slow down, dig a little deeper as the main characters come together and share this first kiss. Visualizing the scene before you, imagining as if it is happening to you will be helpful in nailing down the sensations and expressing them in your work.



This would be my name.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title/Author: The Precocious Princess

Overview: Beatrice discusses marriage with the Queen, who doesn't like her take on love, or what Beatrice is looking for. She takes off in search of love, and to escape the live of a princess. On a bus, she meets Tommy. They spend the day together, and learn about sex in the evening.

Grammar:

The dialog section didn't have any description to spice it up. It just kind of sat there, needing something. The ellipsis was over done. It makes the sentences choppy because for the most part, the dramatic pauses aren't needed. There were sections where tidbits of info were thrown in.

"I must be getting back, before the last bus….“ That was when she twisted her ankle… ~~ this could have been changed, showing Beatrice stumble and cry out, falling into Tommy's awaiting arms for support. It would let the reader connect more with your characters.



Personal Opinion: I don't think the dialog during the sex scene was needed. It came off a little childish, not that the characters ages were evident. The premise of the story I did like. Good luck in the HSP Final Exam. *Smile*



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Review by Purple Princess
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Title of Book: Daughter of Freedom


Chapter #: Chapter 1


Author: redvej


Setting: Good descriptions of the fields, planting, the young soldier about to get his hand whacked with a mallet. Good descriptions as well inside the house where Elizabeth lives.


Characters: Elizabeth~ renting rooms in her home, farming, and doing whatever she can to keep the farm running after her husband's death. She is determined to make things work, but her father's interference seems to irritate her.

George, her son, looking to take up the family farm when he gets older.

Jacob Bergen, father to Elizabeth. Is upset over both of his daughters decisions, though he sympathizes with Elizabeth.


Referencing: New York, 1778, Revolutionary War time.


Plot: Hard working Elizabeth does all she can to make the farm prosper so she can carry out her husbands last wish. She seems to be somewhat happy, with a good sense of humor. She's also helpful to others, no matter who they are. Her father's interference seems to border on trouble for her, as he makes a few decisions for her.


Grammar: see line edits below


General: Chapter one moved well. I liked the humor in the scene with the gun and here suggesting the mallet to ensure the young soldier has better aim in the future. Seems Elizabeth's frustrations will come from her hard-headed father. Nicely done.

Line Edits:

The tall boy of fourteen and a half ran to his mother’s side.

The purpose of the mallet itis to hit the peg, not my hand, you buffoon!”

Lieutenant, much less stands by and allow the Colonel to

“I will tell Mrs. Burgen to make she is prepared.~~missing word(s)

"Papa," Elizabeth exclaimed as stood on tiptoe and placed a kiss on his whiskered cheek ~~how about....standing on tiptoe, placing a kiss on his whiskered cheek.

His angry glare did not flinch, though he stepped aside to allow her to pass. “I’ll have a moment with my daughter alone, sir,” he muttered at Colonel Thomas and promptly shut the door in the man’s face. ~~should be its own paragraph since her father is talking.

“I would speak to you…now!” ~~would like to speak?

Her sister Mary would laugh at the idea that their father thought she was stubborn.



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Review of Laramie Swanson  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title/Author: Laramie Swanson by trebor

Overview: Jody is in the barn when his high school crush shows up. Hiding out in the loft, he watches as his uncle and Laramie have sex.

Grammar: Nothing to point out.

Personal Opinion: I hate to say it, but I believe you missed the mark with the prompt. Jody lives there, Jeff is the uncle, and Laramie is bringing/picking up a horse. Who is the farmhand? It isn't clearly stated and that was required in the prompt.



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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Title/Author: In the Heat of this night by Ladyluck

Overview: A woman prepares for the seduction of her man, wanting to show him how much he means to her.

Grammar: There are issues with run-on sentences, word selection. You also jump from present to past tense.

Personal Opinion: I find the biggest problem is that the scene is rushed and jumpy. I know where you are going, what you want to say, but it doesn't come across that way. Repeats always slow a piece down. Word choices are key in any writing, especially for erotica.

Half way through the song, with my hair now loose and flowing and the clear white stilettos I was wearing were laying together at the foot of the bed, I stepped up towards the high bed and put one leg up on the blanket and painstakingly slowly I raised myself up from the floor to stand before you on the bed. ~ this sentence I had to read several times.

Here's what I would suggest: Halfway through the driving song my hair is now loose and flowing from its binding. Kicking off my clear, princess white stilettos at the foot of the bed, I step forward, my movements slow and steady, a contrast to my rapid heartbeat. Raising my leg off the cool floor, I place one foot on the red blanket, as my other leg follows to stand before you on the firm mattress.

By slowing down, taking in all the elements of the scene, your reader is able to follow your characters every move as if they are watching a movie. Reading your work aloud can make a huge difference as well. If something doesn't sound right to your ear, it won't to the reader either.

Your female character has a lot of depth. She worked hard to set her plan in motion, to show him just exactly what it is she feels for him, how he makes her bold and brazen. That is something special.

Keep in mind this is only a suggestion.

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Review of Last Breath  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Gifted review from Morgan Adam Internet Problems!

Review #5

Plot ~ A true tale of a love, loss and forgiveness. Through it all, it seems you've come out on top, that you've learned some hard lessons, but didn't let it control your future. I'm sure you struggled, as we all do with the way things play out in our lives, but you managed to put it into perspective. Not an easy thing to do. Forgiveness is even harder in my opinion. Thank you for sharing this, and reminding me circumstances cannot always be controlled. That forgiveness is truly necessary if we are to go on living our lives.

Technical~ Nothing to point out.

Purple butterfly


~My thanks to Morgan for linking me to your port. I've enjoyed getting to read your work~~ Ame
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Review of Kissy Monster  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Gifted review from Morgan Adam Internet Problems!

Review #4

Plot Cute tale of mother and son. Brings back a lot of memories as my boys are grown up now. The worry of what could go wrong, and knowing that the people around totally get it, see through what might have been a distraction, that is the beauty of life.


Technical I couldn't find any errors. I am really enjoying getting the chance to read through your port. Write on!

Purple butterfly
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Review of Busted  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Gifted reviews from Morgan Adam Internet Problems!

Review #2

Plot Mitch calls his pregnant wife in the middle of night to come rescue him from the police station. He's ticked at being pulled over, ticketed, towed, cuffed and arrested.

Characters Wife was very funny. Loved the way she tried to steer the conversation, knowing if she'd just renewed her plates, Mitch wouldn't have wound up at the police station. His anger was great, jumping from the female officer to his wife, only to quickly return back to his predicament and the over bearing officer.

Technical Nothing to point out. Solid short story. Very realistic.

Purple butterfly
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Review of Unexpected Gift  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for being the highest bidder.

Review #5

Plot Mel and Eric have been friends forever and have managed to keep it that way for years, even living far apart. Seeing each other again while spending time with Mel's family over the holidays is a reminder of the loneliness they each have in their lives.

Characters Mel realizes watching Eric with her niece that she has feelings for him that go beyond friendship. It is the same for Eric and she watches Mel. Mel becomes nervous, while Eric wants to test the waters.

Technical Nothing I could find. A beautiful story of a blossoming romance. Very well done.

Purple butterfly

~~Thank you again for bidding on my review package. I have enjoyed reading your work. ~Ame
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Review of Tears from Heaven  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thank you for being the highest bidder. I am honored to read your port.

Review #1

Plot Gillian is upset over a fight she has with her boyfriend. Stuck by an accident as she heads home, she gets a terrible feeling. Finding out it was a motorcycle rider that went off the road up ahead, send the fight replaying through he mind. Unable to sit and wait, she heads off in search of answers.

Characters Gillian~great job with the emotional aspect as she goes in search of answers. It was easy to see the scene as Gillian winds her way through the road, past the guard rail, in the rain, through mud to her ultimate destination.

Technical Nothing to point out. A well written short story.

Purple butterfly
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Review of The Review Game  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
On behalf of morgandam winning bid, you have been awarded 5 reviews!

Review #1

Plot Cute of tale of a married couple finding something in common. Having the wife want something, and then having it backfire was great. Nice twist at the end.

Characters The wife tries to rekindle something she thought would make her closer to her husband. Wanting that little touch of days gone by. Getting her wish for her husband to write gets her to rethink her original plan.

Technical Nothing grammatical I can find. Would have liked to see more of your characters. Have a visual other than a facial expression.

Purple butterfly
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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Keeping in tune with the season, this 55 word story is crafty. The image of a sadistic kid certainly sticks out in one's mind. Last line is very descriptive and stands out the most, as the evil doer gets a kick out of of his work. Good luck with this entry. Write on!

T
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Review of Life  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
~~~This review brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central~~~

Title
This title gets you thinking before you begin to read the poem. You know that it could be profound, and it doesn't relent.


Rhythm
Yes, this had good rhythm, though it's more of an open style poem.

Reaciton
I smiled when I read this, remembering all of the fun we've had in chat over the years,the friendships we've established and the heartaches we've shared. Most of all, I think of the good and carry those memories with me always.


Suggestions
Hmm, well, you could change some names there since at least three of us went ahead and did that. Newbies wouldn't know who you were talking about, lol. No, it's good, leave it as is.


Overall impression
Taking the time to talk about a few special people is always very sweet. Good job, my friend. Write on!


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Review of Sci the guy  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Title: Sci the Guy

Overview: A short tribute to a friend through the eyes of another. How I never read this in the past, I do not know.

Grammar: *Thumbsup*No errors. Shocked aren't you?

Personal Opinion: Would you believe that I learned something about him from your little piece? It's true. And you are so right, most of us don't take the time to truly sit down and get to know one another. We let life get in the way, sad but true. Kudos to you for taking that time, and for letting us all see him through your eyes!

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Review of Addiction  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
~~~This review is brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central Group.~~~

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -

The only one that can help him, its[b}is me

It doesn’t work, as usual, it never works. ---fragment

I hate drugs, they’re the worst thing in the world to me, and they have turned my best friend into something that he isn’t.

That’s the problem I encounter every time I think to myself at night. --reads awkward

Maybe I could take them off him?--this is a statement, not a question.

I’ve found myself thinking in a different way, I can’t do anything, but someone else can can’t they? --- puncuation is incorrect.

You need some help with grammar. There are other issues, but I will leave the rest for you to go over and find. If you want to ask a question, then ask it using the correct words - would, could, should, etc.


MY POV -
Addiction is a very sad thing. This piece was mostly told. I'd like to feel your emotions, the burdon of watching your friend in trouble hurts you as well. So show me that. Waking from a nightmare, you watching from the sidelines, the constant overthinking. How was the relationship before the drugs? I wanted to know what the friend looked like on drugs, the desperation, the change in physical appearance too.

** Image ID #1544893 Unavailable **
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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Chapter Recappers Reviewing Format

***This review is being given as a part of the Chapter ReCappers Group, in the hopes of giving the author valuable feedback.***

GRAMMAR/SPELLING - Just one line that doesn't seem right to me.

God knows where he'd be lurking and hiding waiting to pounce.

Seems off. Might consider revising it so it reads better.

MY OPINION - Cute. Insight into your son is wonderful and amazing. Glad you are able to find the humor in all he does, so many tend to forget that they are children and should act accordingly, lol. As the years progress there will be more and more moments to cherish. Enjoy it all.


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Review of ~Stolen Emotion  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
~~~This review brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central~~~

Title
Stolen Emotion is attention grabbing. It doesn't give anything away though, which is a good thing.

Rhythm
Flow was great throughout this short piece. Rhyme wasn't necessary and rhythm was good.

Reaciton
The impact of this small piece is far reaching. The feelings of love still remain, no matter what has happened to bring the relationship to a halt.

Overall impression
Awesome! Grips the reader with the first line. Great imagery and tons of emotion. Thought about it while driving? You should do that more often. Thanks for sharing this one.


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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
~~~This review brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central~~~

Title
When reading the title, I expected something completely different from the poetry I read. I didn't expect the emotional aspect, assumed it would be more a telling journey of what to do afterward.

Rhythm
There is some, but it wasn't necessary in this piece.

Reaciton
Reading this is like reopening old wounds I once thought had healed. The emotions, the heartache all came through in your poem, reminding me of all the heartbreaks of my past.


Suggestions
Perfect as is, don't change a thing.


Overall impression
Thank you for sharing this piece. You did a great job of grabbing the reader and taking them on the path, through the heartache and emotions of loneliness, the sadness. Write on!


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Review of A Simple Wish  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
~~~This review brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central~~~

Title
The title gives a clue as to what the piece of poetry will be about.


Rhythm
Rhyme and rhythm were both good, as was the flow of the piece.

Reaciton
You asked for a smile, and I did just that. I liked it. It was quick, and cute, and got right to the heart of the matter.


Suggestions
None that I can think of.


Overall impression
I enjoyed this one. Good imagery with regards to the things one wishes to do, and at what level they wish they could do such thing.


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Review of Cage of Desire  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Thank you for entering TWQ.

Use of Prompt ~ Great job with pointing out the rift before moving onto the fun!

Rating ~ 5.0 I loved this piece. Kudos to anyone who can do erotic poetry. I was mesmerized by each and every line, lost as the images unfolded in my mind.

Other elements ~ There was only one part that I stumbled upon, but poetry is not my forte. I'll point it out just so you know where I got hung up.

His features dark as hers were fair,
locked in loves embrace.
Her hands clawed through his thick dark hair,
As rhythmic movement picked up pace.

I think it's the word movement that throws me off.

Good Luck in the TWQ!
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Review of I Forgive You  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Rainbow Madness ~ Reviews and...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~This review brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central~~~

Title
A path is clear in this one about forgiveness. What is unexpected is the anger that still comes through.


Rhythm
There is a clear rhythm in every stanza.

Reaciton
It did leave me a bit confused. I was into the angry part, and then it suddenly turned, and for me it felt like I was jerked out of one feelling, and thrust into another.


Suggestions
see above.


Overall impression
You do well with adding emotions to your poetry. Keep writing. Emotions are always a good thing.




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Review of Adriana's Tale  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Plot: Adriana is a brave girl who takes a stand against the evil that has taken her mother away, and then her sister. Determined to stop the insanity that the town lets continue, she chooses to head up to Nob hill on her own. All the tales of the forbidden place pale in comparison to what she finds there.


Characters: Adriana is brave and likeable. Has a great mind, strength, and determination. It's the driving force that leads her up the hill.


Use of Prompt: NA


Grammar/Spelling/Repeats: I couldn't find any errors. Repeats were not there either. A good, clean piece of writing.


Overall Impression/Rating: 5.0 It gripped the reader right away. Adriana is a strong character fighting against something she didn't even have first hand knowledge of. Her bravery made it worthwhile.

Your descrptions were great, easy to see the surrounding, and get into your MCs head. Good writing style as well. Nothing was dragged out, or over done. Good Luck!




The letter "T"
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Review of Clothed in Goo  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Title
Interesting title to say the least. I skipped it once before, not sure if I wanted to understand the meaning. Taking a chance, I am glad I did. It makes complete sense, and was a great read as well.


Rhythm
Rhyme and rhythm were consistant throughout. You followed the poetry outline well.

Reaciton
Hungry! lol. This piece described those candied-apples in great detail, so much so that I swear I could almost taste it. If nothing else, it makes me crave one now. The visual didn't hurt either.


Suggestions
I wouldn't change anything, it's perfect the way it is.


Overall impression
Great job with this one. I really enjoyed it. You have a gift in the ablitiy to bring the reader along, almost as if they are with you on that journey. Great job!!


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Review of The Center Ring  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title
The center ring is in reference to the circus. Looking upon the title itself did infulence my desire to read this particular piece. I wondered what the author meant by the title, and had to take a peek.


Rhythm
Rhythm was good, each stanza easy to follow and had good flow.

Reaciton
Again the author has the ability to take the reader back to their childhood memories, of places they've been, where fun was had. Never anything wrong with that.


Suggestions
Nothing to suggest. I do like the fact that you are able to try so many styles of poetry.


Overall impression
Thanks for another journey back to my childhood. You do a good job with feel-good pieces of poetry.


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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title
The title is the name of a place, that calls to the young, and even the old, where fun is certain to be had by all.


Rhythm
Not necessary in this free verse poem.

Reaciton
Definitely a feel good piece triggering memories from my own childhood. Racing around from one game to the next. Good job with the imagery, I could picture it well, even with the photo posted.


Suggestions
Only thing missing for me were the smells of popcorn, lol.


Overall impression
Nice job with this one as well. You do great with bringing back memories, trigging things that tend to rouse a smile. Thanks.


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