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226
226
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Part One:
You have a great grasp of your characters for this class. There is enough information for you to work from for the rest of the lessons. Looking forward to see what you have in store for the four of them.

Part Two:
You have the emotions from Jade narrowed down well. A lot of what you wrote is told.

Suggestions:
Yours:
Jade walks over to Santos and while he is still drinking from the fountain, she drinks from the fountain as well. Slowly, moving her lips to his for the first time, she can see the surprised look on his face, which is a welcoming look and encourages her to continue. Water is dripping down both their faces while the feeling in Jade urges her to take her tongue licking the water from his lips, slowly at first. She feels the burning passion of desire for this man running through her veins, when their lips meet it is an explosion of desire expands she welcomes it within her. Their lips seem to be made for each other, his lips fitting perfectly on her mouth, she feels alive in this moment.

Example:
Jade walks over to Santos while he is still drinking from the fountain. She bends down and shares the cool stream of water with him, her eyes glued to him, wondering how he will react to her being so forward. Slowly, moving her lips to his for the first time, she can see the surprised look on his face, which is welcoming and encourages her to continue. Water is dripping down both their faces, and the urge to lick the water from his lips overwhelms her. Unable to stop herself, she juts out her tongue and catches the water on his chin, moving up toward his awaiting lips. Burning passionate desire for this man swamps her sense, pulsing through her veins. When their lips meet it is an explosion of expanding hunger she welcomes Their lips seem to be made for each other, his fitting perfectly on her mouth. In this one moment, she is alive.

Other Issues:
"Jade! Hi, it is so glad to see you."~~so good to see you?

She watches his how his ebony black hair keeps falling in his face because of the wind.


~~Think about making the story more active and enticing to your reader. You are writing from your characters point of view, from their perspective. Picture yourself in their shoes. Include what they feel, see, hear, smell, taste, etc. Telling about it doesn't let your reader enjoy what your characters experience. Adding detail, slowing these pivotal scenes down bring your reader into the story and along for the same ride.

227
227
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Part One:
Missing.

Part Two:
Jaime has issues that pit him against Luka right away, even though Jaime showed interest in him until Luka began tearing apart his writing. This will lead to an interesting connection between your couple. There is plenty going on in their first meeting, with other characters that break the tension in the room. However, Jaime's past has him ready to run, and if he walks out the door, I wonder how he will manage to return to the writing group. His confidence is clearly shaken just realizing his past encounters with Luka. Luka is so oblivious to how his words make the others around him feel. He becomes completely absorbed in reading and critiquing.

Erotic Elements:
Jaime's attraction to Luka was there, but with the way Luka didn't miss a beat with editing Jaime's story, that faded away quickly. Will this make Luka more endearing to Jaime? Looking forward to finding out.

Other Issues:
On that coffee table were a four laptops, what I presume were printed-out copies of stories, and the aforementioned snacks.
228
228
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Characters:
Jill is still hurt by Luke's remark and actions. Luke shows up at the dorm to try and sort things out. He seems nervous about it, but does his best to make sure she understands exactly what happened.

Setting:
Descriptions of things happening were done well. Flow was nice and easy.

Sensual Elements:
The kiss they shared at the end. With the last line it's easy to see their is a difference in the way Jill responded to him. His intent is still very clear. Even in his point of view, you could elaborate on that kiss, showing that not only did he notice a distinct change is how she responded, but then stating he knew this was going to be an upward battle.

Overall Impression:
I was a little surprised that sorting out the fight went so smoothly. I thought for sure she would press him for a little more when he told her why he called her just a study partner. That's where passion and their emotions would really come into play in a key way. Are they willing to fight for this relationship? By the end I see Jill hasn't exactly forgiven him, but I would have liked to see how hurt she was really take center stage.

Suggestions:
He could herehear Kate and Jill arguing.

~~With the last assignment, emotions are going to be a key player. Keep that in mind as you write. Remember to swap point of views midway through, to showcase what both are feeling and experiencing.

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229
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Characters:
Matt and Christopher have an argument, and Christopher is so hurt he walks out. Matt is still struggling with insecurities as he finally uses the key to Christopher's apartment and finds his lover drunk out of his mind, in the dark in the living room. Christopher seems as the type who always gets his way, but Matt is really making things difficult for him. Both men want the same things, but getting through old baggage continues to stand between them.

Setting:
Really good visuals of first Matt's place as they finished dinner, and then Christopher's place. You do really well with showing the expressions within your characters, not just relying on spoken words to convey their inner emotions.

Sensual Elements:
Just a few little hints here and there, as the fight was the highlight of this assignment. I will say the underlying sexual tension did come through, as each tried to be close to their beloved.

Overall Impression:
Really good read. I'm rooting for both characters because they work well together. Matt's strengths compliment Christoper, and vice versa. You have a well rounded couple here, going through the normal ups and downs in any long-term relationship. They really compliment one another.

Suggestions:
In your last assignment, try to keep the point of views separate. There were a few instances here where it felt like you went back and forth. Pick one for the first half, the other for the second. Looking forward to seeing how you wrap this all up.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Characters:
Matt is a total wreck upon seeing Christopher kissing someone else. Even when Christopher shows up, he still cannot get over what he saw, and finds it difficult to believe the explanation he is given. Christopher desperately tries to make Matt understand all that went on and why.

Setting:
Really good descriptions of the emotions both men were going through. It was easy to picture the both of them throughout the scene as they fought for and about their relationship.

Overall Impression:
Solid scene filled with great emotions. The assignment specifically said to leave the scene hanging mid fight. Would have been great to end it here, and leave this rest as the beginning of this weeks assignment: Matt blinked away more tears and scowled at the television screen. “I don’t trust you, Christopher. I don’t believe anything you say. Actions speak louder than words.”

Suggestions:
His normally trendy, dark hair was a total mess, sticking up every which way as if he’d been running his hands through it repeatedly.

“Gee, let me move out of striking range, for when the lightning hits. . . .”

He’d just picked up and leave.

~Just a few little errors.




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231
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Characters:
Jill shows up to meet Luke and is shocked as she overhears him and his ex discussing their previous relationship. Jill reacts to what she hears, and Luke's introduction cuts her deep, that being his study partner.

Setting:
There were good moments with Jill's reactions. What was missing is what she saw when she looked at Luke. How did he take her anger and confusion? When he tried to explain about the conversation, did she detect sincerity in his body language or his facial expression?

Overall Impression:
Think about making this scene a little more rounded. For every action, there's a reaction, but when it's between two people, both have their own style of reacting. Sometimes when people fight, you know your words will hurt, or that things you say will cut someone emotionally, and when the words leave your mouth, you can see if they hit their mark.

Suggestions:
Yours: "How convenient for you,” Jill muttered. She turned on her heel and took a few steps away from him. She could feel hot tears filling her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but one rolled down her face. No, she thought, I won’t cry in front of him. She’d never cried over a break-up in front of a her future ex before and she’d be damned if she was going to do it now.

Example: How convenient for you,” Jill muttered. She turned on her heel and took a few steps away from him. Hot tears filled her eyes, as she tried to blink them away, but one rolled down her face. No, she thought, I won’t cry in front of him. She’d never cried over a break-up in front of a her future ex before and she’d be damned if she was going to do it now. Taking a deep breath, she managed to regain control of her emotions and stick to her convictions. Hearing him refer to her as only a study partner made her heart hurt something fierce.

~I just wanted you get an idea of making this a more active scene. Jill is hurting and you were on the right track of conveying that. However, using feel or felt is telling. Showing the action makes the scene more vibrant in the readers minds eyes.



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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Characters:
Matt's insecurities about the relationship are hitting full throttle as they watch Auntie Mame together. Christopher isn't as into the movie as Matt, and can't keep his hands off his partner. Matt's fears bring him to confessing that he's afraid Christopher will up and leave one day, and he also admits being in love with Christopher. Christopher is shocked to see Matt crying, but consoles him and manages to calm his every fear away, before they make love.

Setting:
Good visuals of the movie playing in the background. I like how well you describe Matt's quest to not give into Christopher's sexual advances. It was easy to see just how difficult that was for him. His emotions about where their relationship will lead were spot on. I really felt for him as his concerns hit and welled over.

Sensual Elements:
The focus was on making out this week, especially the kissing. I absolutely loved this line: His tongue traced and chased mine, mapping my mouth like unexplored territory. It really kicked off the make out session and pulled me right into the action. There was a lot of dialog during the making out, which took away from the heat of the scene. As good as your pacing and description is, that emotional connection with your characters as they become intimate is missing. This was from Matt's POV, and it moved quickly from one element to the next. It's okay to slow things down, describing what sensations your characters as feeling.

Overall Impression:
You have a lot going on in this assignment. Sometimes I think you've read ahead to the next lesson and are combining two in one. I'd say that's pretty good foresight. Try adding more physical emotions to your point of view character as things are happening. Tell me what that kiss felt like. What it feels like to be touched, loved, needed, wanted. I want to go along for the ride with your characters.

Suggestions:
Yours: His tongue traced and chased mine, mapping my mouth like unexplored territory. I began to back us toward his bedroom—this wouldn’t be the first time we navigated our way there like this—when the hand on my ass began to fight its way down the back of my jeans. As Christopher’s kisses wended their way south, to my jugular, where they turned into the precursor of livid hickeys, a high-pitched noise came from my throat that only Christopher had ever been able to elicit.

Example: His tongue traced and chased mine, mapping my mouth like unexplored territory, making it almost impossible to catch my breath. I loved the urgency from him, the way his mouth devoured mine in hungry kisses that had my heart pounding so loudly in my ears it drowned out the movie and I thought I would explode at any moment. Every plundering stroke of his tongue against mine sent fire coursing through my body, making almost impossible to stay upright. I needed to catch my breath, to get out of these binding clothes that suddenly were in the way. I had to touch his silky skin, feel his body burning and trembling beneath my fingers. I began to back us toward his bedroom—this wouldn’t be the first time we navigated our way there like this—when the hand on my ass began to fight its way down the back of my jeans.

~It's hard to match your writing style, but I just wanted you to get an idea of what I'm talking about here. When they are together this way, take advantage of it, really get into what they are experiencing and slow the scene down. It will really pay off big in this genre.
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Review of Assignment 2  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Characters:
Jill's inexperience in the intimacy department clearly showed here. It was good to see that she was not so easy, and had morals. Luke held nothing back, being totally honest about his feelings, as well as his own personal experience. He also showed he could be a gentleman.

Setting:
Good descriptions of what they both wore on their date, and the food that arrived during the dinner. It was a sweet scene where they shared their meals with one another.

Sensual Elements:
These two definitely have sparks flying when they come together. Luke is testing the boundaries so to speak, seeing just what Jill limits are. It was nice to see Jill fighting the passion, and being able to stick to her morals, yet having that internal battle going on in her mind.

Overall Impression:
The only thing that didn't sit well with me, was the fact that Jill considered herself slutty for barely getting to third base. I'd say that makes her far from a slut. It also had me wondering why she has that self image, if there was something in her past that keeps her behind that line of going all the way in the future.

Suggestions:
Watch the word choices. Some words were used a lot close together and it pulled away from the flow of the story.

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234
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Characters:
This assignment played well from Christopher's mindset. He certainly is a bold character, and introspective in his actions, though not necessarily when it comes to what he says. I like how sharp he is, and that he speaks what's on his mind. That's always refreshing in my opinion. It was a good moment when Matt was pondering the boyfriend comment, as their relationship finally got an upgrade.

Setting:
Good descriptions of both men, the scene in the car, and getting to the club. You included enough detail that it was easy to follow as things progressed from one place to the other.

Sensual Elements:
The car scene between these two was well written, but it was still missing something. You had good flow, the scene wasn't rushed, but you mostly stuck with what Matt or Christopher did. For your next intimate scene, think about what emotional and physical aspects come into play for your POV character. What did it feel like when Matt touched Christopher? Dig a little deeper here as you are in Christopher's head, what he sees, smells, feels, thinks, wants. All of these things start to merge. Describe them.

Overall Impression:
You had another solid assignment. Both of your characters are unique and tend to do things differently, yet are a strong couple, even though they are still feeling their way through the relationship aspects.

Suggestions:
The only thing I'm going to mention here is the F bombs. For this class, we are trying to tone the language down, find other expressive words that illicit the same effect.

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235
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Characters:
Very rich and vibrant characters. I easily got into the scene and the descriptions of Christopher from Matt's point of view. You were able to point out differences between the two men that came as easy observations as Matt pondered the man before him, and their relationship. I also liked the touch of humor that filtered in during the scene.

Setting:
Nicely done here as well. These two characters are totally charmed by one another and it showed. The only thing that could have heightened the scene would have been showcasing a bit more of the restaurant and what was happening around them. Which wasn't all that necessary since I don't believe they would've noticed anyway.

Sensual Elements:
The sexual chemistry throbbed off the screen. You had so much going on for such a short scene that I was completely immersed in what was happening, where they had been, and where they were headed next. I am really looking forward to the next five weeks and seeing how their relationship play outs.

Overall Impression:
Great first assignment. I really don't have much to say other than I'm hooked!

Sections:
Part 1: Great character sketches. I know I didn't ask for much here, but you provided plenty to give me a real sense of each of your characters. I'm glad you know them so well.

Part 2: I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on Romance and Erotica. I don't think I've ever heard it put to paper so eloquently, and I totally agree with how you see the two genres.




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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
PLOT -
Rebecca tries hard to reach her husband, but he doesn't answer. He walks through the house as if in a daze, going through the motions, but never speaks a word.


SETTING -
I could picture what was happening throughout the story. I did wonder how Rebecca truly felt at this point. Was she worried or frustrated? Or was it just her will to reach her husband that kept that pleasant demeanor pushing through? The opening scene with the mountains and sunrise was picture perfect.


CHARACTERS -
Ted is living in silence and Rebecca is determined to do whatever it takes to reach him again.His partner, Jim can't seem to pull him back either, but a little information seems to pique Ted's curiosity. It is easy to see how much Rebecca loves her husband by the tenderness she shows him.


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -{c:grape
This one left me with questions. Why doesn't he speak? What exactly happened to Ted to make him shut down this way? I did like that there was a smile and tears at the end, which leads me to believe he's listening to all that's being said and just maybe hope is still alive that he won't shut down completely.


{center}~~~Please remember the comments and suggestions are my personal opinion. If you disagree with anything I've said, toss it out. Take the things that work for you! Happy writing!!~~~


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Review of My Angel  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
PLOT -
Joanne recalls the horrible day her beloved left her. She doesn't sleep well, and cannot stop thinking about Christian.


SETTING -
You described the scene about the accident in great detail that I could picture it playing out. There were good elements in regards to the intruder being in the house, as well as when the Angel appears to lend a hand.


CHARACTERS -
I felt disconnected from Joanne. She is your main character, yet she is detached from the emotions of the situation she in. I wondered about the loss, the heartache it caused her, and then the terror of finding an intruder in her home. These emotions didn't come through for me.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
~When more police finally arrived on the scene I refused to be let go and had to literally be dragged from his still warm body.
~Although a smile lingered on my lips.~~this is a fragment


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -
Loss is a very powerful emotion. It can be paralyzing, can grip your heart so tight sometimes it's impossible to breathe, to think, makes you lose focus. It can plague your mind and keep you from functioning at certain times. Just like the fear of confronting a stranger in your own home can make you tremble with fear, or freeze in place. I wanted to connect with Joanne, to feel what she was going through, to identify with all that was happening in the story you have created.

For instance: She realizes Christian is there, saving her. Think about the overwhelming emotions that would rob you of breath, the tears, the fight of your mind trying to his presence, being overjoyed to feel his touch after so long a time. Slowing down the scenes to incorporate the emotional aspects of the story you have would really add a layer of depth and capture your readers undivided attention.



~~~Please remember the comments and suggestions are my personal opinion. If you disagree with anything I've said, toss it out. Take the things that work for you! Happy writing!!~~~


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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
PLOT -
Jackie finds an old photo and begins a search with the hep of her friend Rhonda to find the owner. Their discovery leads to a heartwarming story to reunite a family.


SETTING -
There wasn't a lot of descriptive elements in this one, but there was a lot of detail when it came to the background story of the picture itself.


CHARACTERS -
Jackie and Rhone are life long friends that love a good mystery. They both like finding things and searching for the answers. Finding the picture and going in search of the three children that were in it connects both women with a family and new friendships are formed.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
~Hurrying along Maxwell Street toward The Daily Star.~ this is a fragment, combine it with the following sentence to complete it.
~On closer inspection, she saw that it was a photo caught in the grate and walked over to gently pulled it loose.
~"Sorry Jackie, I have to take another call, but I'll get back to meyou on this."
~"No problem, I loved doing it, Rhonda,"
~It was quite a surprise and a shock to see this picture on the front page of The Daily Star!~~earlier in the story you mentioned it was published on page six.


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -
There was a lot going on in this short story. It had me wondering about Jackie and Rhonda's reactions during the conversations. I was a little surprised how much information Alfred willing shared during a phone call. Perhaps having Rhonda ask a few questions during the phone conversation that prompted him to tell his story would make it feel rushed. This was a feel good story, of finding family again. Even though Susan never gets to connect with her birth mother, she does get to learn about her through her grandfather and aunt. The twins came off as sweet and smart for their age, an endearing quality.

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Review of Calypso  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
PLOT -
An interesting tale weaved from Greek lore into the present time. Calypso is in need of rescue and only one man can help her, so she enters his dreams to reach him, which sets him onto a course of action.


SETTING -
There were some good descriptive elements, like Ajax reaching out to take Calypso's hand, but his went right through her spirit body. The scene with the receptionist at the job interview was well written, I could picture that easily.


CHARACTERS -
Ajax decides that his dreams are real and goes in search at the library to get the answers he seeks to help Calypso and Echo.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
What was it that she had said about Zeus and Hera’s wedding?

~The long sections of dialog need some descriptive elements thrown in along the way. Not just a moan, or a sigh, but your main characters actual thoughts as the conversation unfolds. Knowing what Ajax thinks and feels gives your reader a greater sense of who they are and what they want.

For example. I'm just going to add a few things to what you have to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.
Yours:
“Am I that hero?”

“Yes,” replied Calypso.

“Yes,” echoed Echo.

“Well, what must I do?” asked Ajax.

“Propose to me,” replied Calypso.

“Propose to me,” Echo said. Her face flushed red and she covered her lips.

“What? Now? I don’t have a ring,” Ajax was caught off guard.
Suggestions:
“Am I that hero?” His mind whirled as he asked the question, even knowing what her answer would be. Him? A hero?

“Yes,” replied Calypso with a half smile.

“Yes,” echoed Echo.

“Well, what must I do?” asked Ajax.

“Propose to me,” replied Calypso.

“Propose to me,” Echo said. Her face flushed red making her cover her lips quickly as if she could hide her reaction.

Ajax gasped, closed his eyes and then stared at Calypso. “What? Now? I don’t have a ring.” All of this was moving so fast, and he knew time was running out. What would happen if he could pull this off? Would the proposal be binding? Is that something he wanted. She was just as mysterious as she was beautiful, he could easily admit that. Being around her gave him a sense of purpose, a goal that he might be able to achieve.

~Knowing how your characters feel, what they think and want, goes a long way in letting your reader identify with them and gets us rooting for them.



THINGS TO THINK ABOUT -
~You use Ajax's name a lot, which interrupts the flow of the story at certain sections. Since he is the main character, you can swap his name out for 'he' instead.
~There are some very short sentences that could be combined.
~I wondered about the emotional connection of your character. What did he feel? Why did he want to help her? How did he feel about having to propose to a virtual stranger? What was it like to float above the ground? To transport? Did the first transportation scare or enthrall him?

~You have a solid plot, with key elements of your story already laid out. Adding the emotional elements and showcasing your main character will really heighten your story.

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Review of Ouija Believe It?  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
PLOT -
A Ouija board becomes the catalyst for conversation with someone from beyond who tells a chilling tale.


SETTING -
I know how difficult it is to write a story with dialog only, so applaud you for being able to add the creepy elements and urgency in this piece. Even the fear and anger of the little girl came through loud and clear.


CHARACTERS -
Sissy is a 6 year old still waiting in the closet as punishment. The person using the Ouija board keeps a cool head as she goes in search of Sissy, and asks haunting questions about a tragic story from the little girl.



GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
You nailed the dialog of a child, and didn't make things too complicated as questions were asked and Sissy worked to answer them.


At first I thought you wouldn't be able to pull off something so complicated, but it worked really well. I was hooked as the story unfolded and Sissy revealed things about the past. These are never easy stories to write, but you did quite well including the emotional aspect during the conversation, which was no small feat. Very interesting subject matter. Good ending with the door finally being opened and I did wonder what she found beyond wallpaper, if anything. Congrats on the awardicon, this story definitely is deserving of it.

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Review of Nelson's World  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
PLOT -

Now this was quite different, reading a story from an animals point of view. Clever. Nelson tells the tale of how the other cats and their owner/human, David interact with one another. The voice you used for Nelson was humorous at times, and also humanly.

SETTING -
Good use of descriptive elements, especially David coming home and trying to get into the house with his arms full of bags. Nelson seemed to know exactly what the contents could be and waited for his big moment to get the snacks. I also liked how the saw the other animals, and how there was that "I told you so" moment.


MY POV -
I did find this story interesting. I have never read anything quite like this before. It took me a little bit to figure out that Nelson was indeed a cat, which is never a bad thing. It kept my interest as I got further into the story and put the pieces together. The descriptions of David, how he interacted with the cats, and how he carried himself were well thought out. I could see it all from another point of view very clearly. David obviously loves his animals and likes them close, even if he may be annoyed by their quirks. Best part though was the last few lines and Nelson settles in from his strenuous day!!

** Image ID #1920917 Unavailable **
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Review of The Jester  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Rhythm

The Jester had good rhythm and flow throughout, nothing seemed to slow it down, or take away from where the story took the reader.

Suggestions

I'm not a poet,I dabble at best, but honestly I became caught up in the storytelling, trying to figure out who the audience was. Therefore, there is nothing negative about this piece.

Overall impression

I liked that you held out until the last few stanzas to elaborate on who the audience actually was. My thoughts as I read were that the jester may be entertaining prisoners on death row. Boy I was off! You painted not only a clear picture of the way things played out for the jester night after night, but there was powerful emotions behind the words as well. Your word choices flowed freely from line to line, and there was also some sharpness about them, gaining great impact as I read along. For someone who spends their nights putting smiles on others faces, there was a sadness to your jester, for he knew where he would still be, and where his audience would wind up. Nicely written piece of poetry. It had depth, emotion, and kept me hanging on from on stanza to the next seeking answers to the questions that came for me right away.
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Review of Brotherhood  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
PLOT -
Venn is a magician who doesn't hold much love for his brother. His brother's accomplishments far outweighs his own, and that is a hard pill for Venn to swallow. He decides he will take upon the task of killing a dragon with a magic spell and help bring about summer.


SETTING -
You had some good elements in here about the weather, the biting cold of winter and how the wind whirled around turning everything into a white out. As the dragon laid down in the cave opening, you managed to paint that vividly and I could picture it in my mind.

CHARACTERS -
Venn wants nothing more than his brothers death, and to show everyone exactly what he is capable of. The bitterness he harbors for Deric never wanes, but intensifies as the story plays out.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -

It seemed to not notice the horse or rider, and why it had not attacked him or the horse was startling~~missing 'that'...or that the hourse was startling.



MY POV -
I don't read a lot of fantasy, but you were able to capture my attention. I understood Venn's drive to finally be noticed for once in his life, to want to do something that no one thought he was capable of doing in the first place. What surprised me was that although he got what he sought, there was no elation for him. The piece was a little dark, and if that is what you were going for, then you hit that right on the head. Sometimes victory has no rewards.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Following the Prompt:
You stayed true to the prompt and kept it clean and sensual.

Sensual Elements:
The wrap up with both Lynne and James on the couch was very sweet. The vows exchanged had me remembering other stories you've written with this couple. The sex scene itself was nicely done, nothing was over the top, and you stayed in character to the end.

Descriptive Elements:
You did well describing things that were going on with each of your characters while they were separated, and turned up the heat once they were together.

Characterizations:
Lynne's insecurities were easily felt. Tossing in Paul to give her an idea of what James was dealing with was a nice touch, but it didn't tame the doubts she still carried with her. James is a stand up guy.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Characters:
Mary~ her excitement was great as she got ready to leave. She didn't seem nervous at all surrounded by Tony's family. Her demeanor quickly changes in the presence of her father. It's a nice shift that leads to questions. I am looking forward to seeing how she goes about this forbidden relationship.

Setting:
Nicely done. From Mary preparing for her date, her father trying to interrogate her before she left the house, to Tony's. The laughter, the smells from the kitchen, the lighting, all of it added to the scene and made it easy to stay with.

Sensual Elements:
She definitely has it bad for Tony. I loved how she stood watching him work in the kitchen. I could see that scene play out right in front of me. The kiss was just getting started as they were interrupted. I will have to wait until next week for that to pick up.

Overall Impression:
Great job with this couple. The scene was well written, you added the questions, the depth of emotion, how the world looks that Mary sees. Though I did wonder what her impressions of his house were, other than it being different and filled with laughter.

Suggestions:

It looks awful, she thought. And I really wanted to look nice tonight. ~dialog tag not necessary if you use italics. If you choose not to italicize internal dialog then use the 'she thought'

A silence fell between them, both lost in their own private thoughts. Tony’s eyes traveled over her blond curls, then moved down over the white summer dress that revealed the smooth, pale skin of her shoulders. His gaze stopped at her white half-heel shoes and returned to her eyes. Tony blinked and said, “Come on in.” He reached out and took her hand, leading her into the house. ~~this reads more like Tony's POV. If it is in fact Mary's, maybe put in a line of how his eyes drinking her in made her breath catch, or sent a shiver down her spine, etc.




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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Characters:
Tony, about to graduate comes from a loving background and seems confident until he tries talking to Mary. I loved his nervousness, which shows his age and inexperience, especially with someone he likes. Mary stands out, but not by being overly done up by any means. She isn't shy about telling Tony she hoped he would finally ask her out. She is cautious about bringing him to her home.


Setting:
Great job here. Tony was well done, his feelings, his actions, that nervousness shining through as he got the courage to ask Mary out. His impression of Mary were great, how he saw her, that she intrigued him because she was different.

Sensual Elements:
It was easy to see Tony's attraction, his body language as he got near her and spoke to Mary.

Overall Impression:
Part one had good character descriptions for both characters. I liked your honesty with part two and your thoughts about both erotica and romance. Though I will say that I try to write good erotica that isn't based solely on the sexual encounter and I truly believe it can be done, lol. Part three was well written. There was enough information and interaction to gain a sense of Tony and Mary.

Suggestions:
Nothing to suggest. Can't wait until the next assignment comes in. I like that you chose younger characters to explore. First love can be such a beautiful thing!

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Review of The Exchange  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Plot:
Malikia is summoned to Dominic, though she goes as if in a trance. Upon entering his place, a ritual begins that is both powerful and sexual in nature, almost a joining of sorts.

Characters:
Malikia is young, just 18. She seems innocent, but yet willing to follow through with the ritual that will change her. Dominic, her master, is older, formidable, and yet intrigued by the mistress.

Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:

Like his surroundings, Dominic is appears massive and imposing.

Where there had been a young giirl’s}b}girl's{/b} wants was now a full grown woman’s desire.

She takes his manhood and gently massages it until his breaths comers}b}comes{/b} in gasps.

*there were a few places where her name was spelled differently, and the use of the word 'breast' I believe could have used an 's' on two occasions.

Overall Impression/Rating: 4.0
I liked the darkness that seemed to surround this. The exchange of energy ritual was done well. Great description which made it easy to follow. Just a few minor spelling errors. It was both erotic and sensual. My major suggestion would be to add a space between paragraphs to make it easier to read.


The letter "T"
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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for entering Tales of Seduction.

Plot: Ned spends years in love with Lady Rose. He covets her from afar, and then he gets an unexpected invitation. Finding himself at her quarters while she's bathing is enough to make him want her more than ever. The next day they set out for a ride and find themselves alone. Ned soon discovers that his Lady Love had set this all in motion, with the intention of being intimate with him.

Characters: Lady Rose has heard from her servant about Ned and is intrigued by the stable boy. She sets out to become a woman, with a man she knows can fulfill that wish. Ned is in love, hides his feelings always hoping that one day Lady Rose will see him. When opportunity strikes, he cannot say no.

Seduction: Rose had him from the get go.

Rating/Impression: 4.5 Nice job with this prompt. It worked very well for you. The scenario you choose worked well with the paragraph prompt given.

Since you were the only entrant for this round, I'm giving you 5,000 GPs in appreciation for a well written story.





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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Sensual Infusion  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thank you for entering Tales of Seduction.

Plot: A husband and wife pretend to be strangers in a restaurant. The premise was fine, trying something new to rekindle the relationship, never a bad thing in my opinion. The dialog fell a little flat. Setting was in and out, but not enough to give the reader a clear view of the surroundings or the woman David was chasing after. To boldly approach a stranger and keep that conversation going, the attraction needs to be at the forefront.

Characters: David ~ says he couldn't help himself and had to approach Janet. I get that he saw something in her, also that this was their game, but the spark is missing here, the excitement of the situation. Janet ~ seemed a bit put off, and even when she lightened up, the chemistry was off.

Seduction: The premise of the seduction was there, but missed the mark.

Rating/Impression: 4.0 ~ I know where you wanted to go with this, so I'm giving you a 4. I think what's missing is being in David's head as he pursues Janet. What is he feeling? Why does he feel so strongly about it? What does he hope for? During the long dialog, or awkward silence, knowing what he's feeling, his determination, why he's attracted to Janet, etc would make him come to life and off the pages.





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Review of S6/A2  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Erotic Elements: The anticipation of the kiss was done well. Being in Katie's head while she thought about her wanting it to happen, and the extra care she took with getting ready put the reader in her mindset.

Suggestions:

Yours: His warm strong hands reached up and cupped her face so gently. His long fingers tracing the soft contours of her face, as he looked deeply into her eyes.

Amped Up: His warm, strong hands cupped her face with a gentleness she'd never known before one long finger began tracing the the contours of her face. Her heart pounded, picking up the pace as their eyes met and locked, the hunger growing between them.

Other Issues: Watch the repeats and try to come up with other words to describe what's going on. There were some sentences that could be combined to keep the flow in the action going.

Overall: There were some POV shifting issues, but the kiss was a hot. Nice job.



This would be my name.

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