PLOT -
Ronan and the crew of the Stormlight have an encounter with Adrian of Nightmare on behalf of the Phantom. They know that Ronan holds an object that the Phantom wants returned and threatens to fight them all to get it back. Katelyn and Ronan share a moment.
SETTING -
There were good descriptions when Stormlight appeared out of the clouds, and of what Phantom and Adrian looked like. You set up a tense situation over the box, enough that Ronan felt they needed to leave the area asap.
CHARACTERS -
There are a lot of characters introduced in your first chapter. I wondered if a romance is brewing between Ronan, the captain, and Katelyn.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Katelyn hollered to the baffled crew
Your dialogue felt natural between the characters. I would suggest that if you sending this in to book publishers that you make each section of dialogue it's own paragraph. Rather, when one person speaks it's separate from others speaking and separate from the narrative. It makes it easier to read to more appealing to the eyes.
THOUGHTS -
You have a lot going on in this first chapter. Ronan and Katelyn appear to the be the main focal point, as well as the Phantom and the box Ronan turned over to him. I wasn't exactly sure who Luther and Thomas were. That paragraph seemed out of place and needs a bit more explanation. I'm thinking this is going to be a rebellion and war between factions on the same ship. Maybe adding some additional thoughts by Ryder, Luther or Thomas would make that clear. It is an interesting story.
PLOT -
Alice is home from work and hops online to chat with her mystery man. The night moves quickly as they get caught up in conversation. She steps away to discard the remnants of her dinner and upon her return to the pc, she notices a message she missed early, which scares her enough to take matters into her own hands.
SETTING -
You pulled me right into the story. I liked how you differentiated between the action and what was happening on the pc screen with a different font. The story moved quickly with good descriptions of her apartment, cat and her feelings upon seeing the strange man lurking across from her apartment. Her smile after the shooting is creepy.
CHARACTERS -
Alice is a strong character, who got caught up in a bad situation. I felt so bad for her when the cops discussed her situation, and then again when I read the outcome of the story.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
The banter on the pc was fun and made me laugh. No other issues found. The surrounding conversation after the shooting shocked me.
THOUGHTS -
Really good short story. The mystery of Alice's attacker is still a complete mystery. I am left wondering what her fate will be, though totally understandable. One little type was all it took to set poor Alice in motion and the outcome itself was a sad one.
Rhythm/Rhyme
You used the rhyme scheme aa~bb throughout. You did a good job with the rhyming words you chose to tell the story and add depth to what was happening.
Imagery
You have a good handle on putting in just enough imagery to catch a glimpse of the scene, yet leave our imaginations to fill in the gaps. This is a sad poem as a conflict has happened and it will not have a resolution it seems. The silence mixing with the wrath in the fourth stanza is really eerie.
Impressions
Wondering about death is something we all seem to do on occasion. Those questions always linger as to what we leave behind, what happens when we cross over. This left little time to drag out the question as death came fast. I keep wondering who the He is in this poem. You are right about forgiveness being a rare thing these days. So many seem to hold onto grudges and never really move forward in life. That is a sad irony when forgiveness comes, yet it is too late. Like any good mystery, you left me thinking about this poem and with unanswered questions. I liked that main character was surprised by the last thoughts to cross his mind. Nicely done!
PLOT -
The constant crying from the neighbors house sends a boy next door to try and figure out what is going on inside. When his friend, Bugs' arrives, they investigate.
SETTING -
You had good descriptions of the cats crying out and the disarray of the house itself. You gave enough information from your main character to know that he has a good relationship with his elderly neighbor, Bidi. I liked the description of the clothes she constantly wore, and the differences between the inside and outside of her house.
CHARACTERS -
Your main character is the storyteller and I believe a teenager. He seems just as worried about what will happen if his mother comes home and hears the cats as he is about what may be going on next door.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
She’s actually pretty nice but she defiantly looks like a crazy cat lady ~~ I believe you mean definitely??
And I sure didn’t want to stick around to find out what she will do when she heard it.~~would
Out of the corner of my eye[comma] I saw the curtain move, and that~the cats were now gone.
she sometimes sits at her table
I waited to hear who ever to banging on the door, but no sounds came. --needs an edit. whoever is one word.
~~There are other grammar issues. You might want to try using Grammarly to find the mistakes. It's free online. www.grammarly.com
THOUGHTS -
Toward the end when the police are called, it is a bit confusing because there is dialogue that comes out of nowhere. It might read better if you showed the officers coming out of Bidi's house to tell them what they had found. The mystery is left unsolved and leaves the reader wondering what really is going on in that house, where Bidi disappeared to, as well as the new tenants that seem to come and go, no one staying there too long.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Great free verse poem that captures a friendship through time.
Emotions/Imagery:
This poem is filled with imagery and emotions. The last stanza especially stood out for me. A shimmering mirage sums up all of the emotions built up over the years. The deafening silence that can be so unwelcomed. Passion contrasts to frustration, almost like a roller coaster with great highs and lows.
Impressions:
Relationships can be difficult, even at their best. This poem is bittersweet, and that was easy to feel. Disappointments, yet the fairytale remains. All of the things left unsaid that could either clear the air or make the silences remain forever, that no one dares speak of.
Really solid writing. Thank you for sharing.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Good flow throughout your poem. It almost felt like a build up from the beginning, reaching out for the strong ending.
Emotions/Imagery:
Great word choices that brought images to mind. I especially liked the line: A purposeful pattern designed. I loved the reference to Earth's energy, which made this piece almost pulse on the page.
Impressions:
I do appreciate writings that give the authors take on infinity, how we evolve in this circle of life. You did a really good job with the prompt, bringing this song title to life.
Impression:
The Daily Flash Fiction Challenge is a WdC contest staple. Each day the new prompt comes out at 11pm in the evening. The challenge of the Daily Flash is to write a solid story using a maximum of 300 words, that must include at least 1 character, setting, a conflict, and resolution. The prizes are fair and this contest gets a lot of traffic. The paid is laid out well, and what's not to like about the use of Purple? Multiple judges run the contest. This is a fun contest and well worth entering.
Impression:
Paradise Cove is a monthy writing contest that accepts both romance and erotica stories. The rules are clearly defined and the contest has generous prizes for the winners, including merit badges, awardicons and gift points. The contest allows for up to a 5,000 word count limit, which gives the writers a lot of room to work their craft. Multiple judges help to keep the prompts fresh. The page is laid out creatively, and everything is clearly defined.
Impression
A group that accepts any case color and is heavily active in the WdC community. The group supports many contests and activities, including blogging. The Talent Pond seems like a great group for both newbies and those of us who have been on site for years. Membership is strong. The group home page is appealing and everything is well spelled out. With support for writers and informative newsletters, it's no wonder this group has over 200 members. The Talent Pond offers honest and constructive reviews as well, which is important to all of us seeking to strengthen our craft.
Plot:
The loss of a child makes it difficult for her mother to function as she isolates herself in her daughter's room.
Characters:
It was easy to feel the anguish of your main character as her world was turned upside down. Those scars will be long-term and you conveyed that well.
Use of Prompt: Included Word Count:
Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
Each time she heard them the pain become-became more unbearable.
Overall Impression:
Great descriptions of the room as the mother sees it now, having studied every inch in great detail. You did a good job making me feel for this woman as her life is now forever changed. Solid story.
Plot:
Sachith is devastated by the loss of his love, Riya. He spends a day planning out the perfect birthday for her, and before the day ends, chaos erupts and robs him of the one person he wants most in life.
Characters:
Sachith replays Riya's last day with him as he sits by the water, getting soaked from the waves, but unable to care about the cold. His thoughts are constant with Riya and how they spend that last day together. The scar on his arm is a reminder.
Use of Prompt: Included Word Count:
Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
where it was not a surprise not knowing who lived in the room next to yours.
~There are a few issues. Add punctuation to your dialog. Either a comma before the end quote when someone is speaking, or a period or question mark. Punctuation at the end of sentences should be immediately after the last word, no spaces necessary.
Overall Impression:
What a bittersweet story. I liked how you weaved in and out from then and now, almost as if Sachith continually relived that fateful day. It was easy to feel his heartbreak at the loss of Riya, as well as the happiness he felt that day when he surprised her. You did a good job setting the scene with vivid descriptions.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
There were stanza's that had natural flow and the rhyming worked really well. This unfolded like a story.
Emotions/Imagery:
I love merit badges, and as grown-up Girl Scout, it does take me back to those elementary school days. You did a good job describing the badges and taking me on that journey of excitement over merit badges and being a Quill nominee.
Impressions:
Nice touch adding the Scout badge with the poem. Please remember for future entries to include your line count so you are not disqualified. Since you were the only entry for Round 15, please accept these GPs as a thank you for consistently entering my contest!
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Nicely done with Diamante and bringing this flower to life.
Emotions/Imagery:
Great word choices to describe this flower and how it is an indication of Spring. I could picture the leaves opening.
Impressions:
Using the purple font, and the picture really brought this poem altogether. Reaches ~ stretches - these two words were powerful and showed the leaves reaching their full potential to bring the flower to life. Nice job.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
What a powerful Diamonte. Each word was chosen so carefully that really showcased what is happening in the United States.
Emotions/Imagery:
I cannot disagree with, unfortunately. You captured the way a lot of us are feeling now, compared to how we used to feel when we thought about this great nation of ours.
Impressions:
Not only did you write a kick a$$ poem, but the way you showcased America in the top of the poem and then again at the bottom really stood out and complimented all you had to say. I love it!
PLOT -
Helping family in need sometimes comes with its own disasters setbacks
THOUGHTS -
This was hilarious! You do such a great job painting the picture with humor and insights into how you are really feeling about the situation. There was so much going on in my mind as I read this short story, and certain words and phrases just screamed off the page making me smile or laugh. It was so easy to picture your son straddling the washing machine as he came to the rescue to turn off the water. Hell's gate, blue light, braggadocious hotel, etc, all invoked such great images of what was really going on. I loved this story, and it brings to mind how sometimes our good intentions come back to bite us as a gentle reminder and reality check. Thanks for sharing this story.
PLOT -
Some gifts come about in the most unexpected of ways. Not only did Hannah bring Marie into his life, but also, brought their daughter back to him.
THOUGHTS -
This piece gives you a lot to think about, and also touches on the mysteries of the universe. As painful as losing someone you love is, organ donation sometimes makes the situation worse for those left behind. You touched upon all of that, and make the reader ponder this situation, which is always a good thing. I liked that it had a happy ending, and that he discovered that Hannah's parting gift was the gift of life for him and his daughter. Contest entries don't always give you a huge window to get in as much information as we would like, but you managed to get the importance of this short story in there. Nicely done!
I love that you have such vivid memories of your childhood and these gatherings with family and friends. What a Wonderful World is a beautiful song, and I can see the appeal of it for you and your family. You have a loving tribute to your mom here, and the memories that will keep her close to your heart. There is nothing quite like those songs that stop us in our tracks and takes us back to certain events in our lives. Smile through the tears, because the one thing that never ends, is the love that was created. It lives on through you, and so does your mom.
Characters:
Phillipe goes through a lot of emotions believing everyone has forgotten his birthday. You really dug deep into your character and showed him at different levels of emotion.
Setting:
You made it easy to get into Phillipe's head as he went through his day. Loved the kiss that 'should've tasted of rue and bitterness', which really showcased the fury in Phillipe. I felt sorry for him by the end, and excited that there would, in fact, be a party.
Overall Impression:
You did a really good job with this assignment, letting Phillipe get worked up all day, to come home and turn it all to shock and relief. I liked your characters and it was easy to see how much they care for one another.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Good flow with your take on current events.
Emotions/Imagery:
I could easily picture Trump high upon his wall, looking down at a sea of bodies in protest, yet not caring about it at all. Good job putting that imagery in my mind. I laughed out loud at the last two sentences because they were so true!
Impressions:
I enjoyed your entry. With the way things are in the world right now, we could all use a little more laughter. Thank you for incorporating that in your poem.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
This had great rhythm and flow, so much so that I was completely absorbed in it! Good job with the rhymes as well.
Emotions/Imagery:
Here's where the poem shined. You took current events and made it a Q&A. You nailed so many points poetically, and hit upon so many issues a lot of us are feeling.
Impressions:
Nicely done! I loved your take on current events and it really spoke to me. Great, thoughtful writing. I must admit I loved the last stanza the most. Who can disagree with alternative facts?
Contest Page:The page layout worked well, as a picture of Prince was showcased at the top of the page. The contest page gave clear information about how many could participate in the contest [8], and what was expected in regards to the writing challenges. I liked that you left it up to the participants to choose the songs, from Prince's vast song list, and create either a poem, or a short story highlighting lyrics.
Overall: The rules were clear and, and the prizes upon completion of the writing were well worth the effort. Not all contests offer an exclusive merit badge. The Prince merit badge is enticing entrants. Congrats on the nomination, and on running a terrific contest that let's writers stretch their creativity while incorporating great music.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Great rhyme and rhythm throughout this sonnet. It flowed so well.
Emotions/Imagery:
Nicely done as this conversation between a mother and soon to be wed son. I could relate to this one well.
Impressions:
You really did capture this event well and made me smile as well. Unfortunately your entry was late by a day. The contest rounds run from the 1st-15th, and the 16th to the last day of the month.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Really good job with the rhyme scheme and it flowed well throughout.
Emotions/Imagery:
Good emotions of how he felt about her. It was sweet and moving. I especially liked the couplet.
Impressions:
I enjoyed this poem you created, unfortunately, it was late for the contest, which runs from the 1st of the month through the 15th, and the 16th, to the last day of the month.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
The rhythm and rhyme worked really well in this poem.
Emotions/Imagery:
It was easy to feel the loneliness of thinking of that special someone is but a memory now. That longing really came through. I could picture her roaming the halls in a daze, her mind caught up in distant memories.
Impressions:
I enjoyed the poem. It didn't really follow the prompt this round.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
You did a great job with rhythm, flow and rhyme. Your poem worked really well.
Emotions/Imagery:
A sweet poem of love. I really liked the first two lines that showed how far one would go for the other. Being someone's heel is serious business. Really solid imagery that invokes emotions of strong love and devotion.
Impressions:
Unfortunately, I was looking for a little more naughty than nice this round.
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