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101
101
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
It's so sad that these things need to be said, but I totally agree with every point you've made. I know life tends to get in the way at times, which makes it difficult to fulfill your obligations, but sometimes I believe people just don't really care, and that is a hard pill to swallow. One of the best things about writing.com is the community atmosphere. It can be such a fun place, almost like a second home when put yourself out there and join in the fun and excitement.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
All of your thoughts were clear and concise on the matter or giving in our little community. Auctions can be so much fun, but when you've paid for your package and it never gets delivered, it takes over a month for the giver to actually remember they donated a package, it takes the fun out of the event. Sometimes when you are let down during these activities, it makes you less likely to participate in the future, and that only hinders other auctions. At the very least, a thank you is in order for the simple tasks, like a when you receive a review. Getting a review shows that someone took the time to read your work, whatever the rating was. I'm sorry to hear about the post left in a forum. Bullying seems to be the way these days as we all flock to the internet and somehow know we are so hidden behind the screen we can do whatever we want and not have to face the consequences because we think we are anonymous. How very sad. Great article. All we can do in the end is put our best efforts forward, and hope those without the common sense or decency to do so will figure it out eventually.



House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
102
102
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
Hey, Jeff. Nice job with this prompt. Being stranded with an ex-wife would certainly not be fun, but this worked well.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
You always use good details in your writing that really draws the reader in, and your main character's thoughts enhance it all.

PLOT~
Two exes are stranded on an island after his plane goes down. He is helping his ex-move to Jakarta to start a new life with a new guy. There is some bitterness about that, but they do what they can to survive. They make some headway getting ready to spend the night as nightfall approaches.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Good job giving me a glimpse of the small island in the middle of the ocean. It was easy to see him working on building the pyre and her out in the water trying to spear a fish for dinner. I wondered if the knife wasn't such a bad thing to her now that it was coming in handy.

DIALOG~
True to the bickering that exes go through, these two really kept it going with little barbs at one another. I felt so bad for him at the end as he thought about what a romantic setting they were in.

TECHNICAL~
After we dragged ourselves
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
103
103
Review of No Brownies  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I was wondering where this conversation was going and you didn't disappoint.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
The conversation played out well as one person relayed the day's events to another and the added humor at the end was great.

PLOT~
One sibling can't wait to tell the other what happened when their mother went to the grocery store. The one listening to it all has questions galore and their sibling is only too happy to keep explaining it all.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Hearing about their mother's heroics leads to an interesting conversation between two siblings. It was like being a fly on the wall.

DIALOG~
You managed to create a gripping dialog only entry for the Daily Flash. I kept wondering what the brownies had to do with anything, but as the story unfolded it seems the brownies had everything to do with it. The dialog worked really well for this purpose of telling this story of their mother and what happened to her that day. I could picture that scene of the siblings, one being in the know, the other trying to understand what had happened. I loved that after the mom saves the day, she still forgot the cocoa for the brownies, which she went to the store in the first place to get.

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
104
104
Review of Ricky  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
Solid story about this bird saving her life.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Smart and observant bird. I was surprised she brushed off the warning and drank the entire pot, and even more shocked at the outcome of realizing what Dave tried to do to her.

PLOT~
Laura is mostly a loner aside from her husband Dave. One day a bird in a cage appears on their doorstep. The parakeet begins talking and lets them know his name is Ricky. After a moment of shock, Laura begins to engage the bird telling Ricky all of her problems. Suspecting Dave is cheating, she unloads this to Ricky. One day Dave gives her a drink that makes her feel funny, and she goes to bed to sleep it off. The next morning, Ricky warns her not to drink the pot of coffee Dave has left for her, but she does so anyway.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Laura is lonely and welcomes Ricky giving her someone to confide in. She couldn't fathom that her husband would try to kill her until the drugged coffee makes her sleep again and a vivid premonition in dream form shows her whats to come. Laura's reactions were described well, and so was that dream she had with the tarot cards.

DIALOG~
The dialog was just enough to give Laura a heads up before Dave could follow through with his plan. The scene with the lawyer at the end was funny.


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
105
105
Review of Unexpected Hunger  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
So many relationships start out this way. Even when Katherine's friend suggests the possibilities of her brother's friends, Katherine cannot go there, though she wants. This showed well.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
The conversation between Anabelle and Katherine on the phone as they discussed the status of her recent relationship. This set up the rest of the story and helped Katherine pursue something she wasn't sure she could.

PLOT~
Katherine is crushing on her brother Simon's friend Erik. Simon notices the way Erik is checking out his sister and calls him out on it. Katherine is lost in thought as Erik comes up from the basement to get the snacks she was supposed to be preparing for the guys and things heat up in the kitchen.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Katherine who shows interest in Erik but doesn't think she can go there until Erik closes the distance between them. Erik, despite Simon telling him no, takes a chance and goes after something he wants.

It was easy to picture Katerine's date with Mr. BMW and how that all played out. A sizzling scene in the kitchen between Katherine and Erik. I like that he stumbled on asking her out.

DIALOG~
All of the dialog between the friends worked well and showed how solid those relationships are. Katherine and Anabelle's conversation was funny, while Simon and Erik were realistic as well. Erik and Katherine had a few awkward moments before things took a big change for both of them.


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
106
106
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I'm a big fan of supernatural stories and loved this one. You showed Jace perfectly as he tried to make sense of what was happening and figure out who the girl was that showed an interest in him.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Jace's willingness to believe that the things that were happening were real. It's so easy to dismiss these things, but he sought them out, even venturing into unknown territory.

PLOT~
Jace senses a presence near, one that touches him, teases him and he cannot seem to get enough of her. His mother is almost desperate to fix him up, even throwing a party to get single women there hoping he will take an interest in one of them. Jace can hear the woman, and they soon begin a dialog. He wants to know everything about her, what he sees, who she is. He goes up to his bedroom and drowns out the party, ready to get some answers to all of the questions in his mind.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Jace's impressions of her and his emotions were great. I could feel this excitement when she was near, and the disappointment when he couldn't sense her. I liked the scene of him trying to write it down and only getting one word before their conversation started, only to be interrupted. Is there more of this story? I'd love to keep reading and see where you take Jace. Though I did like the ending because it leaves your reader wondering and coming up with their own ideas as where Jace wound up once the story stopped.

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107
Review of Just a Dream  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I don't even know what to say about this piece. It's gripping, sad, filled with emotion, depressing, heartache.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
That it was brutally honest about someone struggling through life and giving up on everything.

PLOT~
Life isn't what it was supposed to be. Each choice made leads you down a path and never knowing which one is the right one, sometimes leads to horrible outcomes. That is what happens here. One wrong choice after another that leads one to believe they have no heart or soul, that their angel has abandoned them and there is no coming back from all of the bad things they've done in life. Hope no longer exists. Even death seems like a waste of time.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
You were able to reach into the darkest parts of oneself and really show how horribly difficult life and truly be. Not every gets the good breaks, and those that get one bad one after another lose all hope and once hope is gone, it is a complete downward spiral that feels like there is no coming back from it. This was the most heart-wrenching story I've ever read.

TECHNICAL~
all of your i'm need a capital I in them.
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108
Review of Turn Around  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

Rhythm/Rhyme
This was mostly a smooth read until the second to the last line. Not sure what threw off the flow for me. The rest of the rhyme scheme worked really well as the tale of these lovers takes a big turn after they've been together for years.

Imagery
You do really well with putting images into your reader's mind. I loved the line: young loves trace, reminding the reader of what relationships are like in the very beginning when you start to fall in love.

Impressions
Thing get really bad when you have to question if your partner is wearing a disguise. It is a bittersweet poem, filled with the highs and lows of this failing relationship. One is desperate to hang on, to show their love all that they have been and what they still could be. This leaves that question, how well do you really know someone? Not an easy question to answer for sure. Couples do drift apart and when they do it's a very sad thing to witness. You really hit upon that with good a pull of emotions the reader can identify with. Even as they question, terms of endearment still remain, which makes this heartbreaking.



House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.
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Review of Stay  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

Rhythm/Rhyme
This had great flow and the rhyme scheme really worked well to detail the hunger in wanting her to stay. Each stanza added to the intensity, the longing.

Imagery
I could picture them spending time together, each moment etched out in his mind as he realizes the depths of his feelings for her, and how he never wants her to leave. It is almost like these feelings have taken him by surprise as he questions how love can make him feel lovesick. You described her smile, her eyes, and how time was not a friend, stealing moments away from the couple.

Impressions
Loved this. I could feel the longing, the craving, the pleading to get her to stay. Just the thought of having to wait until tomorrow to see her again is anguish for him. It's amazing how love can take over a person world and turn everything upside down. You portrayed that so well in this poem. I liked the repeating line at the end of each stanza that helped to showcase how much he wanted her to stay. The title said it all, and let the reader know where this was going. Fantastic read.



House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.
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Review of Stars  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
You did a good job showing the dynamics between the cynic and the dreamer.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
I loved how perplexing he found her, especially when it pertained to the stars. It was almost like they spoke two different languages, yet understood one another so well. He sees things in black and white and she lives in the gray areas.

PLOT~
A cynic falls in love with a dreamer who causes him to see things from her perspective, all the while he still finds it hard to believe she still likes him. He thinks of her beyond the outside of the box when it comes to her way of thinking.

CHARACTER~DESCRIPTION~
Solid descriptions that showcased your two main characters and how different they are. He points out all of the things that mean more to him than her shortcomings. That, in a nutshell, is what love is all about. Finding the wonderment in the things that make you individuals and relishing them. It's a rare gift to have that kind of insight.

DIALOG~
Their conversation about the stars was cute, funny and makes a person think. Having that kind of insight into the world, seeing beyond what is right in front of you and still finding that kind of beauty is a gift to be sure.

If this is based on fact, I wish you the best. Hold onto her.

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111
111
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
Loved this! Great ending that had me laughing so hard. You did really well with your three hundred word count, and the added humor was perfect! I admit at first between the title of your story and the use of DD, I read it as designated driver. Nice twist to the DD.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Everything. You did great describing the sheriff and his new deputy sitting in wait for the drunks to file out of the bar.

PLOT~
A sheriff and his deputy discuss entrapment as they wait outside a bar for the drunks to leave so they can nab them and get them off the roads. They watch as one man stumbles out, drops his keys, hits his head before getting behind the wheel and pulling out of the parking lot onto the highway. The sheriff is puzzled when he passes all of the DWI tests that he should have failed.

CHARACTERS~
The sheriff who believes he's doing his job is thrown for a loop and outsmarted by the DD. The deputy who thinks they shouldn't be lying in wait outside the bar. The DD who outsmarts them and gives everyone else a good head start.

DIALOG~
The dialog was great. I liked that the deputy questioned the sheriff about this stake out, and how confident the sheriff was with his job. I could completely picture the Sheriff's confusion as the DD explained what those two little stood for. Great job!



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Review of Emergency Room  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
You have a pretty good story here with a hospital room setting. The only thing that was missing for me was not knowing who your main character was. A man, a woman, just something to help me catch a glimpse of this person.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Good descriptions of their surroundings and how all of that waiting was driving them crazy.

PLOT~
Someone is in the emergency, hating the blue gown that covers next to nothing. Wires are hooked up all over the chest, and one from the finger, the nurses have stopped coming in to check on them, the activity of visitors in the hall have stopped as well. Tired or waiting and wanting to know the time, they finally turn their cell phone on and are shocked to discover where they really are.

CHARACTER~
Your main character is in the emergency room, forever waiting. They tell the story of all that has happened, the gown not having enough material, being told to turn the phone off, getting to keep the shoes, etc. Even describing the soft music playing wasn't enough for me to make that connection to where they were now. That was a good information plant because I totally dismissed the clue.

TECHNICAL~
move at all I flashed anyone
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Review of My Uncle John  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I love stories of deeper connections, soulmates, twin-souls, the one true love, whichever label you choose. You really showed the depth of their love, and how he couldn't go on without her.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
It is a bittersweet story. Sad because he loses the love of his life, struggling every day to move forward with his life, and sweet because he'd go to any lengths to be with her again, including walking into the icy waters where she lost her life. You described that scene of him wading into the water well, with the sun reflecting off the water, blinding him.

PLOT~
John and Karen are an inseparable couple, pledging their souls and lives to one another. An accident takes Karen from John, and he struggles to move forward without her. When her ringtone plays on his phone he is stunned, but her message is clear and he must go to find her, reunite with her.

CHARACTERS~
John who cannot bear to go on without his true love, finds himself going to extraordinary lengths to be with her again. Karen cannot wait any longer and reaches out from beyond to bring him back to her.

TECHNICAL~
drew him into her dark home. I believe if you were to add 'she drew' it would read better.
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114
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
It is an interesting conversation between a Priest and a man on death row, just before he's off to be killed. The conversation I didn't expect as they discussed religion, matters of the heart, and those that believe.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Knowing it was this last conversation, I was glad that it wasn't a confession seeking forgiveness. John has great arguments about crime and punishment, setting examples of people who commit crimes and how they come from different walks of life.

PLOT~
This is John's last opportunity to speak to his pastor before he leaves death row and walks to his impending fate. The two have a good conversation as time draws near.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~
The priest who is there to see his friend off. John, who's on death row. I liked that there was an honest friendship between these two, which really made the Pastor seem more human. I think we sometimes forget that just because they took a vow doesn't mean they aren't just like us. You showed that very well.

DIALOG~
A dialog only piece, you captured the banter between these really well. It was easy to follow along with their conversation and leaves the reader with something to think about.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
This was a really good short story, filled with sadness. Your main characters uncertainty was hard to hide, almost as if he knew this would really be their last goodbye. It was easy to get lost in the scene because your descriptions were great.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
The ending. That one haunting line about her smile not meeting her eyes really stood out. Even when they were in his bedroom, touching one another, kissing, making promises wasn't as big of a moment as when he looked at her for the last time.

PLOT~
A solider is getting ready to go off to war, and he's worried not about dying, but that the woman he loves will move on while he's away. They make promises, she tells him she loves him, and yet as they say their goodbyes, he notices that her smile doesn't reach her eyes. That was a very descriptive moment that really showed why he was so worried in the first place.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~
They both were sad that he was leaving, that was easy to pick up on, but his heartache really pulled at my heart. I was so hoping there would be some hope here, and while there was, the ending dashed it all away.

DIALOG~
The dialog was smooth. He needed to know she would be there, that she truly loved him and while she said she did and even went as far as saying she'd be waiting for him, he didn't buy it.


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Review of Wrong Delivery  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
You worked the words in well that you needed to. It was left open ended and I really was curious as to where the flowers came from, especially since when she found out that Mark hadn't sent them she felt it was creepy.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
I liked how her coworkers were all interested in them, and that she automatically assumed Mark had sent them. His reaction was spot on.

PLOT~
Stacie receives a bouquet of flowers at work. The note is signed cupid and she questions her co-workers about who they are from. Then she calls Mark and thanks him for the flowers, assuming he sent them to her only to find out he hadn't.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~
Mark's reaction to finding out his woman had been sent flowers worked well. Stacie's excitement changed once she realized is wasn't Mark and she had no clue who thought she was the most beautiful woman. That definitely could be a scary thing.

DIALOG~
The conversations at the office added to the scene and it was easy to picture them all checking out the flowers and waiting to find out who sent them to Stacie. When she tells Mark that Carole was drooling over them so she intended to let her have the flowers made me laugh.

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Review of Toxic  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I love that a prompt sent your way really inspired you to step out of your comfort zone and write, and what a fantastic story it was. You had great emotion as she went through why she loved him, and why he's toxic. I was sitting on the edge of my seat wondering how far she'd let things go and you didn't disappoint.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Everything. I was drawn in right from the beginning and you easily kept my attention right through to the end. I think I liked the strength and presence of mind she had while she was with him, all of the reminders of who he really is.

PLOT~
Ex's meet up again. She still loves him and cannot seem to stop herself from going to meet him. Once there, he breaks her heart again, and it isn't long until she realizes all that he is and why they are no longer together.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~
Definite character growth here with her showing up at his door to see him, her heart still longing for him. As they talk and all of those old feelings are stirred, it also triggers all of the reasons they parted ways, to begin with. Great emotion. It's very relatable as well. This is a piece to be proud of.

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Review of The Stroll  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I wasn't able to see the picture prompt, but it really wasn't necessary. After leaving the bookstore she was completely drawn to the store across the way, almost as if it were calling out to her.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
I liked that a mother's love is eternal and never goes away. You showed that with the woman pushing the baby stroller through the mall, and fighting to the get the wheel unstuck from the doorway. When she goes into the store, you set the scene well with the smoke of incense, the clearing, and the nice aromas coming from the store.

PLOT~
A different take on crossing over to the other side. It was interesting and showed that when your number's up, it can happen anywhere. The mall is the last place I'd expect helpers to wait to carry out the task, but one really does never know.

CHARACTERS~
The woman whose time has come. She doesn't bother talking to her lover who is engrossed in books, so she decides to venture off on her own. Willy and Jordan who discuss how difficult it was for the woman to let go. Jordan is a bit confused, but Willy is there to help him understand better.

DIALOG~
Dialog worked well between Willy and his protege. Jordan still has questions and Willy's knowledge showed as he spoke about a mother's love, helping him understand more fully and how things will be when his mother crosses as he waits for her.


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Review of The Solemn Vow  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

Rhythm/Rhyme
Good rhyme, rhythm, and flow throughout your poem. I appreciated the explanation of the quatrains at the bottom of the poem, helping those who wouldn't know what it is called to become familiarized with this style. The rhyme scheme was obvious and your word choices were great.

Imagery
You have a gift when it comes to not only painting a picture with vivid images but keeping a constant flow of the piece as well. You gave background information about the plague, and how it swept through Rome and what it did to everyone it touched. From funerals to caskets of blood, to the people trying to save the dying until the big reveal at the end, all of it pulled me right into the scene.

Impressions
This is a dark poem about death and solemn vows that cannot be broken. The rhyme scheme was incredible as the story unfolded about all everything that was happening in Rome during this deadly outbreak. Even knowing what the title of the poem was, I didn't see that ending coming. I was too caught up in all that was unfolding to remember that your title hinted at what was to come. Very haunting.



House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.
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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

PLOT -
It seems unimaginable, but a within a few decades, big changes have happened. Decisions of man have dire consequences as one girl tries to imagine what the world must have been like when her grandparents were her age.

SETTING -
From beautiful flowers growing, and full trees of green, to the barren world now that has lost all of its beauty. The weather has changed drastically, those high temperatures even with an air conditioner are stifling.

CHARACTERS -
The girl who's heard her grandmother speak of what things used to be like when they were younger. Man had become too selfish and cut down all of the trees, tainted the rivers, no more forest or animals. What is left? Just us to carry on.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No dialogue, no technical issues.

THOUGHTS -
This piece really makes you stop and think. I cannot even imagine my world without all of this green in it. The leaves and grass would turn to dust, leaving an unappealing view for certain. It's amazing the things we take for granted, even after being told what could happen if we don't start paying attention and make changes for the better instead of the worse. You do well with showing contrasts in your writing.
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Review of Lost in Thoughts  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

PLOT -
A lonely man recounts the tale of his life. Beautiful wife, smart and driven son, a good job, blessed in retirement, and then one little moment in time his entire world is turned upside down, and now just getting through one day is a trail.

SETTING -
It was easy to picture the digging of the sewer pipe, being lost in thought as he dug, and of course when he hit that wire and it exploded all over him. Yuk! And because of that, weather doesn't bother him, not the intense heat, or the bitter cold.

CHARACTERS -
The man who had everything and then lost it all, who waits for death to come and take him home, yet that day doesn't seem to want to come.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
An year after we got married,

an year ago,

THOUGHTS -
It is very true that one instant can change your entire life. You really showed that well with the big highs in his life, and the lows that came after losing his son. From one tragedy to the next, his life has taken one hit after another, and while losing everything he held dear, he is still around. He's the one the people look at now and use to scare their children. Sad tale, and imagine this could totally be true for someone out there. Good details with the history of his life and the things we take for granted every day.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

PLOT -
A missing girl has everyone puzzled. Katie Viola gets ready to play and is having trouble with her strings, but manages to the take the stage.

SETTING -
The story starts with the mystery of a soon to be a pop star who disappeared. Kaite has been playing her viola on the street corners, parks, anywhere she can get a gig and get lost in her music.

CHARACTERS -
Katie has changed her name, and moved from doing the big star gig, to being a little unknown where she gets to bask in her craft!

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
I liked that the announcer had so much confidence and knowledge about Katie as she introduced her. That really was a testament to how good Katie is.

THOUGHTS -
You did a good job working in your prompt words and made it easy for me to see what they were. Using italics at the beginning put emphasis on the missing girl, which still remains a mystery. You never say what happened that day, but you do go on to show that she's all right and has chosen a different path for herself. It's a good take on fame, and how not everyone is comfortable being famous. Keep writing flash fiction! The more you write, the more comfortable you will be doing it.
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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

PLOT -
You never know where you'll be when you run into a potential person to date. Your character starts out in the soup kitchen when he sits with a woman wrapping cutlery and is soon joined by another.

SETTING -
My favorite part was him describing what his face must have looked like when she Patty asked for his phone number. Not very romantic, but truly funny. That made me laugh out loud. That one little word ~ constipation ~ really put a clear visual in my mind as to what his face must have looked like. You did a good job of making me care about him, root for him, and even feel bad for him knowing he had an ex-wife. There was enough detail about the soup kitchen to give me a sense of what his day was like working there.

THOUGHTS -
I really liked that you not only wrote about this incident but that you engaged your reader as well, speaking directly to me. That added another dynamic to the story as you knew what I was thinking in regards to what happened afterward. I also liked that you incorporated a David Letterman style top ten list. Each number seemed like a plausible explanation as to why she never called him. The added humor really made this piece stand out. Did you write a follow-up piece?
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124
124
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

PLOT -
A plane crash has left two survivors on a deserted island.

SETTING -
Good descriptions of the crash through Nicole's sluggish memory. I could picture Nicole's leg and the scene around them, especially the fire.

CHARACTERS -
Nicole is injured from the crash, and doesn't remember what happened right away. Adam steps up and helps Nicole out of the wreckage and worries about her leg wound.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Finally-comma- he reaches a decision,

just ask my ex wife ex-wife

~Both characters had some inner dialogue. You could put that in italics to make it stand out more.

THOUGHTS -
I liked that you showed this story from both of their point of views. It was really easy to identify with what Nicole was going through as she tried to make sense of what had happened to her. With Adam there, she had someone to lean on for emotional and physical support. Adam's worry about Nicole's injury was evident, but he still tried to take care of her. I feel there is a bond brewing between your two characters even before they are rescued. You use the ellipses in a few different areas in the story. I understand why you used them when one character was stammering with speaking. I'm not sure all are necessary. I did like what you did with the prompt.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

PLOT -
Prince Comely is desperate to prove to his father and twin brother that he deserves the title of King one day and that he is more than just a pretty boy. As their allies turn to enemies, the King sends his oldest son on a mission to gain help from Magical Realm.

SETTING -
Great job with this! Good descriptions of the brothers and how different they are. The scene with Comely watching the woman fighting the pack of wolves was vivid and pulled me right into the action taking place.

CHARACTERS -
Prince Comely who is the opposite of his brother the warrior. Comely wants nothing more than to prove his worth, and being a diplomat isn't accomplishing that for him. The King seems proud of both sons, but knows with Comely being the oldest, he must do something to show he's worthy of the title and saving their Kingdom as the enemies ban together.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
famous for its rich lands lands

Take take great care in

trail leading beck~back? to the river.

Her hands held high the hem of her dress high

along the sad~sand and into the

At that instant he realized disown~his own peril.

Dialogue worked well in the conversation between the King and his son. I could feel the urgency from the King as he spoke to his son.

THOUGHTS -
I loved this story! I was immediately pulled into Comely's predicament, and rooting for him. He was brave enough to set out on this journey to get help for the Kingdom, and even though there is danger for him right now, he's still fighting. You left me hanging at the end with him jumping into the rapids as the wolves descended and I'm dying to know what happens next. There was enough backstory to pique my curiosity and keep me reading, and with the added action it really came together and had me on the edge of my seat by the end. Excellent job.

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