Title of Book: McShannon's Land
Chapter #: 3
Author: Jennie
Setting: Review what you saw, smelt, tasted, heard and touched in the chapter. Was one of the senses missing? Did you know exactly what the author wished to describe? Was it overkill? Been to the tavern in town before, so it was easily pictured and the extra descritive reminders were enough.
Characters: Discuss the different characters in the chapter, what they looked like, how they acted and how you reacted to them! Did something seem out of place? Let the author know! Colin, that man is still like a little kid. Is is the loneliness, or what that drives his reckless streak? Either way, he's funny. Martin is a bit quiet, which is fine, since Colin is so delightful.
Referencing: This pertains to the little details in a story...is the Southerner saying "ya'll" or "Hey You!". What is more appropriate? Does the mansion contain a stuffy butler or a long-haired hippy serving up a bit of hummus to guests? This is where you discuss how correct the props and background are to the setting. Dialogue, too! All good here.
Plot: Review what the plot accomplished during the chapter. Even if you think you know what happened, that might not be what the author intended. Did it flow properly? Did something happen that made no sense? Trey, Colin and Martin come into town to have a drink. Colin longs to play poker, but Trey is quick to warn him off. That only riles him up and he joins the game anyway. After winning $60, Jake expects Colin to stay so he can win his money back. Jake and Colin go outside while Trey and Martin prevent Jake's friends from getting invovled. Once punch and Jake is down. Nathan shows up, sends Jake on his way and takes the three men to his office for a night cap. Chelle informs Beth that her father has gotten the men in trouble. Trey wakes up in the jail cell hung over. They arrive back home.
Grammar: Review any problematic, repeating areas here. Look for correct technical usage of sentence structure, spelling, overuse of passive voice, a clear voice of the author and proper formatting. Check line edits.
General: This is where you give your overall opinion of the chapter and any fact that requires closer inspection by the author. Always close your review with a word of encouragement...anything is fixable Pointed out the things in line edits. I guess I would like to see more of Chelle and Beth. There was some slight interaction. Might just be that I'd grown so used to Beth that I want more.
LINE EDITS:
As the wagon pulled up in front of the Wallace Flats saloon, Colin glanced at the place and shrugged. "And you tell me they pull a decent pint in this place, Trey? I'd be surprised if anyone out here knows what beer is supposed to taste like, wouldn't you, Martin?"
Martin jumped down and tied the horses, then ran a hand through his sweaty hair. "After the day we've just put in I bloody well don't care." He looked over his shoulder to grumble at Trey. "Your sister promised me we were coming over here on a holiday."
Grinning, Trey joined him and ran a hand over Midnight's neck. "I'm sure she did. You'd be making hay on your own place if you were home, wouldn't you?"
"Aye, but not in a furnace." Martin squinted up at the hard blue sky. "Does it ever rain over here?"
Trey looked back as he led the way into the saloon. "You haven't seen one of our thunderstorms yet. Stop griping and come on, I'm buying."
It was early, but the sultry weather had already brought in a good crowd, a rougher-looking clientele than Colin and Martin would ever see at the village pubs they were used to. They settled down to watch the other customers while Trey went to the bar for a pitcher.
Colin took in the scene with interest. Rough wooden tables and chairs filled the place, in pointed contrast with the large, ornately framed mirror behind the bar, which allowed the bartender to unobtrusively keep an eye on the customers.
Across the room, a group of hands from the Turner ranch were competing with a couple of new homesteaders for the attention of one of the girls who rented Neil's three back rooms. The language was rough, but Colin had heard worse in many a stable and it seemed more or less good-natured.
Two tables away from where he sat, four men who looked to be a few years younger than Trey and Martin were playing cards. From force of habit Colin started watching the game. After a few minutes one of the players noticed and gave him a pointed stare.
"Want to sit in, mister?"
There was an edge of contempt to the young man's voice. He could do with a lesson in respect for his elders. Colin ignored Martin's warning look.
"No thank you, lads, I won't intrude." He smiled pleasantly and kept his eye on the game as it resumed. Martin leaned close and whispered.
"Colin, I know what you're thinking. Don't. We're a long way from home."
Colin looked the picture of injured innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about. All I'm thinking of is having a quiet pint or two. Ah, here we are," as Trey joined them.Hmm, this isn't working for me. Not sure if it's the telling, or just the way you have it set up. It reads a bit awkward.
"What's wrong, Martin?"
"Nothing yet." Martin nodded toward the card table. A significant look passed between him and Trey, then Trey leaned forward and muttered to his father as he filled their glasses.
"You don't want anything to do with them, Dad. I know them all. The blond one, Jake Montrose, is a troublemaker. You're used to playing cards with gentlemen and they don't fit the description."
It gave Colin a pang to hear Trey giving him advice. He wasn't ready for their roles to be reversed. "Now, lad, it's been a long time since I've needed a wet nurse. Surely at my age I can have a game of cards and keep it friendly." He turned to Jake with a smile.
"What is it you're playing, boys?"
Jake obviously didn't appreciate being called a boy. <---telling. Why was it obvious? maybe a facial expression or groan would do. "It's called poker," he said with overdone patience. "Don't they play it where you're from?"
With another disingenuous smile, Colin glanced at the other players. "Does your offer to join you still stand? It looks interesting."
Jake sat back in his chair and grinned. "Sure, Grandpa, sit in if you want to, but we play for money. Five dollar minimum."
"For Pete's sake, Dad," Trey hissed, "let's just have a drink and go home."
Colin didn't like Jake's attitude and he was feeling a little reckless. "Since when did you get to be such a killjoy?" he whispered back. "This won't take long."
Trey rolled his eyes and Colin pulled his chair over to the card table. "As a matter of fact I am a grandfather. A fine young lad and two little lasses, one just three months old." He let his tone turn shrewd. "Now, what is it you're playing? I'm afraid my eyes aren't as good as they once were. It looked like five-card stud to me."
He hid a smile at the look that went around the table. "Yeah, that's what it is," Jake said slowly. "Your deal."
Colin shuffled and dealt with the practiced ease he'd developed in twenty years of playing with his neighbors in Morgan County. He had twenty dollars in American money in his pocket and was quite willing to spend it for the chance to teach these children some manners. An hour later he'd turned his twenty dollars into sixty, and his opponents weren't looking happy about it. Trey wasn't looking happy either. Colin decided it was time to be going if he didn't want an earful on the way home.
"Well, lads, it'll soon be past my bedtime. Perhaps we can play again another time." He smiled at his opponents' sour looks and pocketed his winnings. "We've got a drive ahead of us, Trey. Let's be off."
Jake had been drinking as he played, and it hadn't improved his mood. He put a hand on Colin's shoulder.
"You can't leave now, without giving us a chance to win our money back."
"Now, don't be like that, my boy." Colin grinned at the challenge in Jake's eyes. It had been a long time, but the situation was very familiar. "I'll see you another night, perhaps. Good night."
Jake's face reddened and his eyes narrowed. "Yeah, and maybe when I do you'll be alone, Grandpa. I think you'd better finish the game."
Trey and Martin looked at each other and got up. Colin held up a hand. "Will you do me a favor, lads? I think Jake and I need to have a little talk. If you'd keep his friends company for a few minutes, we'll step outside."
Jake gave him another contemptuous look. He was at least thirty pounds heavier and a head taller. When Jake glanced at Trey, he shrugged.
"Don't look at me. You asked for it."
Jake stared in disbelief as he realized that Trey wasn't going to step in, then he sneered. "All right, Grandpa, after you."
Colin walked quickly out of the saloon. He knew Trey was going to be furious, but he was feeling good. He'd only wanted to teach Jake and his friends a few things about poker, but he'd never avoided a fight in his life. It had been a long time, but what he'd learned in the rough-and-tumble racetrack world hadn't left him.
He'd stand no chance in a drawn-out fight against someone that much bigger. Colin stepped off Neil's boardwalk into the alley beside the saloon and as soon as Jake was within striking range he hit him fast and hard, without any warning. Caught by surprise, Jake fell. Before he could get up, someone came running rather awkwardly across the street. When he recognized Jake he holstered the gun he was carrying.
"All right, you two, that's enough. Jake, I swear I'll - Good Lord, Mr. McShannon, is that you?"
Colin gave his old neighbor a grin. Since Trey had let bygones be bygones, he was willing to do the same.
"Nathan! Now then, I guess enough years have gone by for you to call me Colin. Trey told me you were sheriff here."
"Yeah." Nathan looked down at the man gasping for air on the ground. "Jake, I don't know if I'm going to lock you up or just give you a good pistol-whipping right here. Of all the..."
"He started it!" Jake protested as he got to his feet, holding his ribs on the left side. "I never touched him!"
Colin had the grace to look a bit shamefaced. "I'm afraid he's right, Nate. I took offense at his poor sportsmanship at cards."
"Uh-huh." Nathan shook his head at the unrepentant gleam in Colin's eye. "It's a good thing I happened by. I didn't know you'd arrived yet. Where's Trey?"
Colin jerked his head toward the saloon. "Inside with Martin, keeping an eye on Jake's friends."
"Right." Nathan grabbed Jake's shirt front and pushed him back against the porch railing. "Jake, you go home and if I see your face within a week you're going to wish you'd never been born. I've had it with you, you hear? Colin, you come with me."
Released, Jake turned around and started down the street, muttering under his breath. Colin followed Nathan into Neil's. Martin and Trey were sitting, rather grim-faced, at a table with three of Jake's usual cronies. Nathan took them in with a glance.
"You three go home and stay out of my sight. If you can't afford to lose your money, don't gamble with it. The rest of you come over to the office with me."
*****
After the children had been put to bed, Beth hunted out her sewing. She was making a christening gown. She'd never had much patience for fancywork, but Aunt Abigail had considered it a vital part of a young lady's upbringing, and now Beth was glad of it. Since the family would be here for her daughter's christening, she wanted it to be special.
She took a moment to appreciate the quiet before she started stitching. There hadn't been a lot of that in the last few days. The men had had a quick bite and then headed into town when they were finished work;working perhaps? the baby was asleep and Chelle was across from her at the table, reading. This was Beth's first opportunity to talk to her alone.
"You must have been surprised when you heard from Trey about me."
Chelle looked up from her book with a smile. "That's a bit of an understatement. Dad had been saying for a couple of years that it was time Trey married, that his letters sounded like he was spending too much time alone, but we all wondered...it must have been more difficult for you than it was for him."
Beth grinned at a memory. "Well, did he write you about the time I nearly blew up the stove?"
Giggling, Chelle put down her book. "No. I'm surprised he didn't. It sounds to good to leave out."
"It was. He's never let me forget it. Anyway, learning to do everything was the hardest part. As far as the two of us went, that was an easy drop for me."
Chelle smiled with a sister's tolerance. "For him too, I think. When he wrote that you were expecting the paper almost glowed." She glanced at the white cotton in Beth's lap. "That's going to be beautiful."
"I'll be glad when it's done. I'm not fond of sewing." Beth finished attaching some lace and paused to imagine her baby daughter's dark head and blue eyes above the filmy fabric. It was worth it. "You must have had an adjustment of your own to make when you went to England."
Chelle rested her elbows on the table and cupped her chin in her hands, her eyes soft with remembrance. Laughter and sadness mingled in her voice. "Oh, yes. I went from flirting with the planters' sons to being just a blacksmith's daughter. I didn't learn my place easily. In fact, I couldn't have cared less about my place. Mother wasn't well for almost a year before she died, and I more or less ran wild. I wouldn't listen to Trey, and Dad was too bewildered and sad to do anything about me." She shook her head ruefully. "I didn't really step over the line, but I got pretty close. I was lucky Trey was too busy with the farm to get wind of it. There was one boy... then Mother died and we left. It was a very different world. I probably would have gotten into some real trouble if Martin hadn't come along."
With Colin's small bones, the Surette height and those sapphire eyes, Beth thought that trouble would probably have found Chelle quite easily without her going out of her way to look for it. "How did you meet him?"
"Well, he used to drop by the forge with his horses, but I didn't pay any attention to him. I was homesick and grieving for Mother, and I thought I was heartbroken. Then we found out that Trey had joined up." Chelle looked down for a moment. "The day after we got his letter, Martin found me out in back of the forge crying. I wouldn't talk to him then, but he kept coming around and I started to notice him. Then I heard a rumor that he'd proposed to someone else. I realized then that I wanted it to be me."
Beth smiled and reached into her sewing box for another piece of lace. "So here we are, a pair of farmers' wives. Who would have thought it?"
"No one." Chelle picked up her book again and looked out the window. The first stars were showing in the darkening sky. "Shouldn't they be getting back? They'll be tired. They put in a long day."
Beth shrugged. "They probably ran into John or Nathan. I'm sure they won't be much longer."
An hour later it was fully dark and the wagon still hadn't appeared. Beth opened the door to listen, then closed it with a frown. "They must have had a breakdown or something. I can't think what else could have happened with the three of them together."
Chelle rolled her eyes. "I can. Dad's gotten them into some mess or another. He's a great one to talk about it being time for people to marry. If ever a man needed a wife to keep him out of trouble, he's that man." She snapped her book shut and pursed her lips. "Oh, he's fine at home in Thirsk because it's a small village and he knows everyone, but when he gets away it's a different story. He's gotten them drunk or into a fight or something, you'll see."
Beth wasn't comforted. Martin and Colin weren't used to the off-hand way some people here resorted to guns. The men didn't return and she and Chelle eventually went to bed, but they were both still awake when morning came.
*****
The sound of rain hitting glass made Trey open his eyes to see where the noise was coming from. He squinted at the barred window across the cell, then up at the rough-plastered ceiling. It took a moment for him to realize where he was, and a few more for him to piece together what had happened.
He remembered walking over to the sheriff's office, and Nathan giving Colin a more or less good-natured dressing down, which he took quite meekly. Then Nate had brought out a bottle of rye whisky and suggested one for the road.
Trey should have said no. Hell, he'd wanted to say no, but Colin had wanted to catch up on the last ten years of Morgan County news with Nathan, and the rye wasn't from Neil's. It had been a Christmas present from one of Nate's cousins in Savannah, and it was as good as any Justin Sinclair had pilfered from his father's stores when they were kids. The stories kept coming and so did the whiskey, and that was all Trey remembered.
Colin was asleep on the other bunk in his cell, and Martin was dead to the world in the next one. He started snoring and Trey's head stepped up its pounding. He got up, gingerly made his way to the door of the cell, and found it locked. The bastard had actually locked them in.
"Nate, where the hell are you!" He immediately regretted yelling. Not only did the effort make his stomach churn, it woke Martin and Colin.
"Bloody hell, Trey, don't do that," Colin muttered.
"Bloody hell is right," Trey snapped. "Martin, are you locked in too?"
Martin swore under his breath, hauled himself off the bunk and tried his door. "Aye. Fine sort of a friend to have, is that Nathan."
"Friend!" Colin snorted. "I should have expected as much from a Munroe. This is his idea of a joke, the -"
Trey cut him off as he eased himself down on the bunk, rubbing his temples. "He saved your neck last night, Dad."
"He did not. I was doing very well, thank you, when he came along."
Trey looked up briefly, then closed his eyes again. "Well, I'm not going to argue with you. This will keep Beth and Chelle going for the rest of the summer. God, I'm thirsty. Where the hell is Nate?"
"If you're thirsty, I think I remember him saying there was another bottle where that came from," Martin grumbled. Trey turned pale and lay back down. About ten minutes later Nathan came in, whistling.
"Well now, how's everyone this morning? Glad to see you all looking so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."
Trey figured there was no point in being angry, at least not until his hangover dissipated. "Yeah. Thanks for the beds, Nate. Now that you've had your fun, can we go home?"
Nathan grinned and made a point of rattling his keys as he opened the cell doors. "They accommodations aren't fancy, but they're free. I just thought I'd better make sure you all had a nice safe place to sleep it off. When I told Lorie you'd dropped in, she agreed with me. The outhouse is out back, gentlemen. Your team's over at John's. Enjoy the drive home, and say hello to Beth and Rochelle for me. Colin, you take it easy on the locals, you hear?"
Nathan walked out laughing, and Trey decided he'd been wrong not to kill him when he'd threatened to last year. The rain had stopped, but when they were halfway home it started again in earnest. They were sopping when they got to the homestead.
The downpour gave them an excuse to postpone haying, but the barn chores were waiting to be done. Fortunately the children were playing in the barn loft and didn't follow them to the house. As Trey had expected, when they got inside they got no sympathy at all.
"Where have you three been? You look like something the cat refused to drag in," was Beth's contribution. Trey turned to his father.
"You do the honors, Dad,"
Colin couldn't quite meet Beth's eye. "Well, we ran into Nathan and had a few drinks more than we planned, so we stayed in town."
Martin wiped his wet face on his sleeve and shot Colin a sour look. "It's no good, Colin. Chelle, your father landed us all in jail."
Trey had seen his father use the same appealing, sheepish smile on his wife many times. "Now, lass, not exactly. It was Nathan's doing. He thought he was being funny."
Judging by the tolerant look Chelle gave Beth, she was as susceptible to that look as her mother had been. "What did I tell you? Well, tell us what happened."
With Trey and Martin keeping him honest, Colin told the story. Beth was laughing when he finished. "That would be like Nathan."
Chelle shook her head in exasperation. "Maybe, but what on earth were you trying to prove, Dad? This isn't home. If you can't stay out of trouble -"
Trey remembered well enough what Chelle was like when she got on a roll. Colin was quick to cut her off. "Now, you're making a big to-do over nothing. I think we could all use some dry clothes and some coffee." Before Chelle could pick up where she'd left off, he made for the loft. Beth followed Trey into their room.
"I'll bet Nathan enjoyed himself last night."
"Oh, he did." Trey smiled grimly as he got out of his soaked clothes. "And so did Dad."
Beth did up the buttons on his fresh shirt, then rested her hands on his shoulders. "Chelle says he needs a wife to look after him."
"Really?" Trey grinned in spite his headache and pulled her closer. "Maybe she's right. I can highly recommend it."
 
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