Physical proximities which come after the emotional bonding is made, is sensuously portrayed here.
The melting of one in the other's bosom, the warmth of emotion and satisfaction enables the soul to be one, to bring a new dimension to the relationship.
Nice read for this day!!!
The world is crumbled into pieces with the wait of thunder-showers.
Its been too long to have the place drenched in the cold waters from the grey castles of clouds... spreading life and happiness all over.
As far as I can comprehend, the poet talks of a bird.. waiting for his flock to come back with the rains. A bird, so depressed because his family has left to far off places , in lands where vivid is the colour of mother nature.
The poem flows well, and the title suits good.
A poem filled with so much love and gratitude, brings the reader on a journey from childhood to adulthood along with his/her dad.
The times spent together are cherished, the ones that are spent staying apart are regretted.
The lack of communication is indicated where the adulthood takes dates as preferences over a growing old dad.
Too late to realise that dad is almost at the threshold of death, the poet makes the maximum of the lost times....
A lesson well learnt... I loved reading it and it left me misty eyed..
Life's lesson teached through the game of bowling, where the poet brings to light each moves and opportunities that come in the way.
The poem is written with so much optimism that its fills the reader more pepped up and motivated to face real life..
The best line I liked is: strike or you're gone... this shows how important it is to utilise the opportunities to the optimum and never fear failures.
The present is aching because of the past and becuase the future holds no home for love and passion. Trusts broken, heart aching, there is nothing called love.. but just a ghost like feeling of it rushing through the body and the mind.
All the pain felt by the poet is excruciating in the form of this poem.
The rhyme scheme is a little confusing as fed and bed rhyme, past and fast rhyme,.. but in the last two stanzas - trash and glass dont rhyme, the same with rush and stardust.. however, overall it was a good read. The construction of the poem is good. it flows well.
A nurse develops a bonding with her patient which is so intense that a professional touch is lost to a freindly touch.
The fond rememberances of Pam brings mixed feelings to the nurse that the title is justified : Nursing is always roses with thorns.
The whole atmosphere in the hospital is knitted as family, since Pam is critical.
The author brings out the human side of medical practitioners, and that a divine touch when Pam passes away on the day of Christmas.
Very good read !!
Sam - is a strong character- looking tough from outside but soft from within. And why not? She is a lady afterall. Having seen all hardships from early childhood, she moulded herself to be as strong as the Rock of Gibraltor.
But dishonesty is what she punished heavily. And thats what happened to Ben.
Very intersting and thrilling to read.
Just a little editing is needed in the following line:
"How's that, he asked?" as she took a sip --- "How's that?", he asked as she took a sip. {b/}
The title suits well and the story flows well.
Very nice read!!!
I liked your poetry. But I would humbly suggest that you work on the title. "Lonely Dream" needs some editing..
I liked the feel of being in a place which the poet thinks he does not belong to, or does not wish to.
Also, your first 2 stanzas are aabb rhyme style. then you have a 3 line stanza with aaa rhyme scheme.
for the symmetry to hold its place, kindly add one more stanza after the 3 line stanza. it should be like this
1st stanza - aabb (4 lines)
2nd stanza - aabb(4 lines)
3rd stanza - aaa( 3 lines)
4th stanza - aabb(4 lines)
5th stanza - aabb(4lines)
6th stanza - aaa(3 lines).. I think this would look more structured. However, it is completely the author's wish....
Overall it was a good read, the flow was good. The idea behind conceiving the poem lies well within the heart of the words..
The author's experience of climbing up a mountain which is snow-cladded, is expressed with all thrills. There is an element of anxiety, of hope, of self confidence. The author alongwith his good friend Tami is on a mission to go to the heights to discover the disapperance of a prior trekking group.
The adventorous author meets a rough weather and is compelled to come back to the basement, but he does not treat it as a failure. Because while on the trip upwards to the mountain cliff, he learns from Tami that living life in all respects is the key to success. Be it countain climbing or any other adventourous mission that needs accomplishments. The reader learns that life is nothing but a learning process from everyone we meet on this journey. Very nice read!!
Just one place needs your immediate attention for some quick editing:
We enjoyed he peace and serenity of making a solid home under wearying conditions - it should be the
The story is very interesting, thrilling and teaching some values to the reader.
There is a constant urge to stop the wars all over the world. Somewhere there is a war within ourselves as well.
Through this poem, the author appeals for the conscious stoppage of such brutality. That we are not preseving life like the precious most and causing continuous damage to it, disturbs the author.
Very though provoking
Nice read!!
A musical tingling in the middle of the night invites the onset of a new season.
Like a welcoming music to the change. The imagery is really good. And the poem is nostalgic.
This makes me go back 20 years down the line , when windchimes were an integral part of me during my childhood
i could not do without them...
This seems like a dialogue from a bird. A brid trying to show directions to another to find that crystal pond of refreshment for all the bird community.
The proximity is measured in terms of flight.. this is interesting to read and actually picturise..
The splitter-splatter is shown in this poem.. quite a beauty to see..
What can I say !! Its just perfect.
In just three clauses you have written down what a rose is meant. How it is perceived by majority of the people living on this earth.
A rose is a rose is a rose.. and so a poem is a poem is a poem. No comparision..
I have always enjoyed reading haikus. The reason being simple. I explore the content to really understand how come the poet squeeze everything of the ctitle into just a 5-7-5 thing !!
You have created a dazzling night. Your words sound more precious than the diamonds.
The comparision of the stars and Moon to the jewels is really imaginative.
The author rightly justifies the title, with Mr. Stan being taught a lesson to remember his life time.
The crazy communication between Stanley and the Homeless Guy brings about a little humour for the reader to actually picturise Stanley desperately awating the arrival of the bus, so that he could just go away from the Bus Stop and avoid the Homeless Guy.
And the most funniest part is when he arrives late in the office on the day he is going to get awarded for being always on time and punctual.
The way he arrived ONTIME when his mother delivered, is very well written by the author. The entire gist of the story lies in that paragraph.
It was a very good read.
A very painful story. I mean it has left me misty eyed.
The way the author tells all this without any trace of shiver, each word hits the reader's heart.
The love of a mother towards a child who needs constant monitoring is remarkable.
Noni's character is shown stronger and more matured than her age.
Just one place needs your immediate attention for a little editing
He is the kind that covers two am a.m. feedings so you can sleep.
Overall, It was a great read!! With frank confessions.
The excitement brgins right from the first paragraph when the author describes the scene inside the tarot reader's parlour.
Tarot's may be true for someone, may give a vision of future.. But a lot of tarot is not good. The mind wanders in these thoughts and cannot concentrate.
However, here the power of the spirits helped the tarot reader to show Christine the immediate predictions. It feels that everything in this story, the events, the questions and answers were actually placed by God... To let christine know of the reality all by herself,, prepared with the predictions.
I still have goose-bums on.. I can't believe it happened to christine..
A very good read !!
The author, very thoughfully, brings out his/her thoughts regarding how a Modern Age Zombie is.
The fact that the Zombie is now educated, uses the language of communication, thinks about appetite, and has a posture and poise all by himself, appears to be interesting to the reader.
The world is full of Zombies, and to the extent that the author thinks of them extremely, about them creating a political party officially. Thats funny
Just a little editing in the below sentence needs your immediate attention:
he must reduces reduce his foot print on the earth.
Just as the lady maintains a perfect lifestyle as far as her health and fitness is concerned, she has really lived upto the mark with her mental fitness as well. She learns to balance everything, yet keeping a sparkling smile of her face and spreading the same to others.
The author has tried to put forth a lesson for all women (young and aging) how to deal with uncontrollable circumstances keeping a stable mind. A happy mind will always keep the body happy.
A nice read. However, when you said its a Sunday Morning Routine, the actions are limited.
The writer is seen expressing his views about current affairs.
But a good read overall.
I would like to bring to your notice the following sentence which needs your immediate attention for editing.
Cold deductive reasoning seemed to be a rarity in the my current environments, - "the" is not required here..
This is a good monologue, with the author trying convey stage actions and transitions in the bracketed sentences.
However, there are many typo errors and splee mistakes. I ma listing them down for your quick reference and correction:
acciedent - should be spelt as accident
Or did I?I don't remember anything. - There should be space between "?" and "I don't remember anything"
Please help me here!I need someone by my side!All I see is my own foot prints in this sand.Why aren't you here for me. proper space needed between the exclamation mark and "All". After Full stop, pls add a space to start a new sentence
aganst - should be spelt as "against"
Person looks to the ground, notices a peice of paper in their his/hershoe
Pauses and puts the paper in their his/her pocket and walks across the stage slightly.
A young little girl escapes the mummy's eye and enjoys the cookies made by her mom.
Through this 55 word story the writer has beautifully described the kitchen odour, the preparations, a mother lovingly making cookies.
The best part is the sentence is just one complete one, and with great flow. No where it looks tampered, the sequence of actions are well addressed.
haha this is really a good one for a 55 word contest. I mean its so difficult to write an entire story in just the minimal words but here you have done a great job describing the outdoors, with the props. The tent, the sleeping bag,, the ice-chest. All these give a clear picture of where the tent is, the reader can almost picturise the whole episode...
Very good one
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