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559 Public Reviews Given
648 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I check for: *Butterflyb* How well the story is written           *Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers                    . *Butterflyo* Rating           *Butterflyr* Plot           *Butterflyv* Characterization           *Butterflyb*Dialogue           *Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters          
I'm good at...
reviewing stories
Favorite Genres
Fiction, Fantasy, Detective,
I will not review...
True stories or poetry
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of A New Dawn Ch.1  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of your story having two twin with powers and one is confused about his identity and think his name should belong to his brother, but I think there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked how you showed Raijin preparing and trying to strengthen himself to be ready to fight and win the fighting class, but I think you could have shown more description about his surrounding, and how he started to use his magic and the ring to strengthen himself.

          2. Logic: You mention he borrowed the ring from Samuel and Samuel chooses him to start the fight in the class, why would Samuel help him? or doesn't Samuel know enough about him and his power that helping him is like keeping your friends close and your enemies closer? and doesn't he realize that he is being helped by someone who doesn't really want to help?

          3. You show that they are treated like slaves or in between slaves and royalty cause they get an education and at the same time they get to do some shores. So what are the others doing just studying? are there slaves in there or just royalty, if there are slaves what are the other shores they do?

          4. Show more about their powers and how they deal with each other and their surrounding, Raijin distraction and his brother saving him that's good but it needs more details about the scene. starting from Raijin entering the room, applying the elements for the rituals, and getting prepared, then while working on the spell he gets distracted. (It just feels there are many details missing in this scene, making it hard to visualize it well.)


*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. I think you need to proofread it, cause there were things that were confusing. Typos like "mourning" instead of "morning"

         2. There were some Punctuation mistakes Like " “What the in the God’s name were you doing?” I think you mean "What in... God's name were you doing?"

          3. “What do you need to prepare for you never win.” He laughed. I can understand what you are trying to say but I don't think this is the right order of words or you can say it in a better way.

*Butterflyo* Rating

          I think this should be rated 13+ since there are magic and fights in it.

*Butterflyr* Plot

         1. I liked how you showed two brothers with superpowers are struggling with education and certain classes with their classmates who got different powers and maybe higher powers than them, better families, and treated like royalties. How Raijin is trying to prepare for the class and doing spells and using his power and energy to win and succeed in Metatron's class.

*Butterflyv* Characterization

          1. I liked the suffering you showed they are facing that their teacher doesn't believe in them and mocking them not directly but they feel that way, unlike their classmate Samuel who says it openly that no matter what Raijin does he never wins.

          2. I liked how you showed the brother bond by showing Darious helping and saving his brother from the exploding ritual.

          3. I liked how you showed Raijin not giving up but at the same time distracted and unable to focus.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

         1. I liked the way you showed the dialogue between the character but I think you need to show more expressions, gestures, and emotions

          2. I liked how you showed Raijin talking to himself and letting this story be from the first-person point of view but I think you need to differentiate between the storytelling part and his thoughts, maybe making his thoughts in Italics or turn it into a third-person point of view.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
my signature thr sea horse



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
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Review of Trip to the Beach  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting story, of a loving couple, sharing their last moments and thoughts together and the man wanting to be with his wife forever even after she died .

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked how you showed James's feelings and refusing to let go and move on, wanting to be with Jane forever. being loyal to her even when she is sick and dying he stayed by her side not leaving her.

2.I liked how he took her to their favorite beach to spend their last moments together and he is doing everything in his power to make her happy and to relive the memories and sing

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better if you added more details about her sickness, you mentioned their last real conversation was two months ago, show some memories of it, how she was like before the sickness.

*Note*Also show Jane's feelings of the past or how James thought she felt before

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great story, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you

my signature thr sea horse



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting I think you covered everything people need in starting a contest.

WHAT I LIKED

1. showing the organization of how to start the contest page and how to advertise and deal with funds.

2. Encouraging beginners to start a contest and helping them through the group.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think the only problem that might be missed in this artice is the judging part and how to bring more judges.

*Note*I think you need to encourage people to fund their own contest through other activities like a raffle or auction and not just depend on ads and donations for their contest.




OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great article, i enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your piece.

Thank you

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting contest, I like the idea of showing how diversity is very effective in life, and giving people the ability to create and imagine positive impacts on life through diversity.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked that you had cover photo in your contest showing all kinds of different colors as in different people but I think you need to put a banner for your contest and maybe you should use the cover photo as a banner till you design one.

2. I liked the way you showed the diversity and how it’s not limited, but I think you need to state more prompts.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better if you started with an Introduction, the contest purpose, The prompt(s), the rules, then the donations and donors.

*Note*I think it would be better if you lowered the prizes for now or make the prizes proportional to entries.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great contest, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your contest.

Thank you
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#1695090 by Not Available.

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5
5
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of a child being born to an addicted and careless family, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the way you showed how her careless parents were unable to take care of her and how they treated her, along with how that affected her personality to become independent.

         2. Logic: the woman has just gave birth and directly goes to a drug store not caring about her daughter? Isn’t she tired? What about her physical condition?

         3. Logic: An angry dad in the hospital and yet they didn’t ask him to go outside or express his anger somewhere else? Why was he waiting for his wife?

         4. Name the father and mother.

         5. Logic: the baby kept crying in the car and no one of the neighbor hood realized? No one called the cops? Nothing?

          6. If she was grown up in that filthy apartment and had to sneak in other people’s houses to get cleaned why didn’t she try to clean her own apartment?

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Proofread it

         2. Edit it (there are few grammar and word choice mistakes like “her parent did not pay the water bill” should be “her parents did not pay the water bill” )

         3. “Damn, no water now what was she going to do?” is that a thought, or the narrator talking to the reader or what? If the narrator is talking to the reader then bring the narrator and give him a more obvious character in the story.

*Butterflyo* Rating

         I think the rating fits the content of this story, but not sure if it should go to 18+ since the cat’s head was crushed under the car wheels.

*Butterflyr* Plot

          1. I liked the way you started the story by showing the girl’s birth and how her parents treated her, and her need to become independent since her parents aren’t supporting her or giving her what she needs to grow up, treating her like a pet, and worse they are torturing her and enjoying her suffering.

         2. I think it would be better to show the effect of the drugs on Lilian herself as a baby and the odds of her being born an addict, and if the drugs her mother used to take while pregnant had any effect at all on her and that includes the smoking.

         3. I liked the way you showed the girl being a bit over weight and no one believing that she is hungry when she asks for food, and how she turns to be unnoticed due to her appearance either wearing filthy clothes or just being poor.

         4. I think you need to explain more about her appearance, and being unnoticed some of it doesn’t make sense, if she is unnoticed cause she is poor and wearing dirty clothes why are people just ignoring her and not moving away from her or maybe being mean and rude to her.


*Butterflyv* Characterization

         1. I liked the way you showed the parents extremely careless and sadistic towards their daughter treating her like a monster that doesn’t deserve to live or be happy.

         2. I liked the way you showed the girl growing up becoming independent not caring about her parents, doing what she wants, going where she wants and not caring about the rules, knowing them very well and don’t mind breaking them as long as it serves her needs.

         3. I think it would be better to show how the girl learned the rules and consequences of breaking them cause it’s hard to believe she grew knowing them, especially when she was depending the tiger’s cub.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I liked the way you showed the dialogues but I think it would be better to show movements, emotions of the characters during the conversation.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

          I think it would be better to show the thoughts of the main characters and write them in italics to prevent confusion.


Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

This Review is gifted to you by 🦄🏳️‍🌈Sapph Author IconMail Icon from (ritem:1935896}

Thank you
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Review of Song for Francis  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I enjoyed the way you showed the everyday life of the sun, the birds, the morning dew, and the moon, and how each of them appears every day to announce the new day and the end of the suffering of the day before.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed every day’s joy as a going on song, where it never cease to end it goes on and on announcing God’s mercy, no matter what the difficulties we face in life there is always going to be the an end to all of it except for the never ending song that announce triumphantly God’s mercy.

2. I liked the way you showed how life sometimes is filled with fear and obstacles, yet, people decide to go on with their lives knowing that there will be soon a solution to their problems and they will be happy again.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to show how the obstacles affect the lives of the people, showing it from more than one person’s point of view, and how the poet is affected by others’ reactions.

*Note*I think it would be better to show the difference between the sun and the moon and what each represent to the people and how each is having a different affect on the poet and his/her obstacles.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
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#1935896 by Not Available.

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7
7
Review of Know it All  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the way you showed the changes of the stages that a daughter go through from teenager to an adult, and how all her father’s experiences were her guide even though she didn't admit it when she was a teenager, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed how the teenagers think, knowing everything and not needing their parents advice or help, thinking that they got their own experiences that are different from theirs.

2. I liked the way you showed how when people grow up they realize that parents advice were a huge help for them to make ours better.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to show some glimpses of teenage experiences and how it differed back then from the parents.

*Note*I think it would be better to show the advicesand how it helped even though it wasn't realized in the past but realized in the present and sure is going to be noticed in the future.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
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#1695090 by Not Available.

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8
8
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of showing the skill of being forgotten having many people forget about the poet, same for the poet’s memory forgetting others, except for one that the poet thought would forget sooner or later especially that he had forgotten all about him.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed people forgetting all about the poet, and how the poet started to think of it as a skill that he mastered.

2. I liked the way you showed how people that the poet used to know look right through him and still don’t realize him.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to show how and why he got this skill of being forgotten.

*Note*I think it would be better to show what’s so fun about being forgotten so easily and how that affected the poet at first, and how he adapted to it.

*Note* I think it would be better to show the things he remembers of people he liked and not just the loved ones and why does he forget the others too!

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
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#1695090 by Not Available.

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9
9
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having a guy winning the lottery and going to some unknown trip where he is experimented in some sort that he doesn’t understand and having this story from the first person point of view makes it more interesting and easier to follow but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. Show more of the surroundings of the place by giving more description

         2. Logic: why aren’t people asking about the missing ones or those who don’t appear during the exercise hour?

         3. Give more details about the writer, who is he? What he used to work? Age? Along with the selection of the people that were taken to that place with him and what’s common between them?

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Proofread it

         2. Edit it (there are few repetitive mistakes like “Most of the time I wouldn’t even pay attention to what to what the prize was.” Should be “Most of the time I wouldn’t even pay attention to what the prize was.”

*Butterflyo* Rating

         I think the rating fits the content perfectly, just add more details about what happen to them other than just visiting different doctors every time and what happened to the missing ones are they dead or sent home.

*Butterflyr* Plot

         1. I liked the way you told the story from the first person point of view, and the struggle of difficulty in winning gambling and lottery, and when luck finally strikes it becomes the last trip and win in the character’s life, and the only thing he got is hope to get out of there thinking that maybe one day he will go back home.

         2. I think it would be better to show more about the doctors, the experiments and other people with him in the story give a full of view of what’s going on and why are they sent there?

*Butterflyv* Characterization

         1. I liked the way you showed the main character noticing simple things about what’s going on like the missing people, and how he was brave by telling the doctors that he knew what’s going on and asking when he could go back home.

         2. I think you need to show more characters and give more details about each and everyone, showing what are the differences and the common things between them, and show more about their characters how they act around the main character and how they are dealing with the situation knowing that this might be the last trip?

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I liked the way you showed some dialogues and conversations between the characters but I think it would be better to show more emotions, and gestures to enable to the reader to understand more about the characters and the story.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

         I think it would be better to show more thoughts of the main character and make the thoughts in italics to prevent confusion

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
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Contest Central Station Open in new Window. (E)
Looking for contests to enter? Find your destination here (a 2015 Quill Award Nominee)
#1797031 by 🐕GeminiGem🎁 Author IconMail Icon

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10
10
Review of True Face  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting 55 word story, I liked the idea of showing the tooth fairy and making her look ugly with misshapen teeth as her true face unlike what's usually in the imagination of many.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed the interest of the tooth fairy in a kid’s tooth and how she finally took it from him *Smile*

2. I liked the way you showed the kid confused and surprised when he knew that the tooth fairy is ugly or at least not what he expected.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to let the kid describe the tooth fairy as in he is criticizing her according to the image that used to be in his mind, not having the story teller and the tooth fairy herself saying she isn’t pretty.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great story, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
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Contest Central Station Open in new Window. (E)
Looking for contests to enter? Find your destination here (a 2015 Quill Award Nominee)
#1797031 by 🐕GeminiGem🎁 Author IconMail Icon

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11
11
Review of Helping Santa  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of having the poet a friend and a substitute for Santa, and helping him with the Christmas gifts, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed the start and how it was easy for the poet and Santa to communicate through computers quiet a new idea and how that the two of them were connected last year and having the poet help Santa wasn’t his first time.

2. I liked the way you showed how Santa was tired, busy and sleepy, yet he didn’t forget the gift for the poet and how that it was a very precious gift known by Santa that it would be the most valuable one to the poet and that it a poetry book.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to show more details about the views, the kids and the feelings the poet went through while helping Santa.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
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#1696124 by Not Available.

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12
12
Review of SWEPT AWAY  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem I liked the description of a night two lovers spent under the moon light enjoying their love and each other, fulfilling their hopes and dreams, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed the passion between two lovers describing their feelings, reactions and thoughts, showing how much they are connected to each other through love.

2. I liked the way you showed how each other fulfill the desire of the other, and spending the night together showing the fire that has lit their night till dawn as a metaphor of love, passion and time

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better describe the surroundings in more details along with their love and actions.

*Note*I think the rating of this poem should be ASR or 13+ to fit the content and add some details about the poet and her lover about their love beginnings and how they ended up bonded together in that trust and passion relationship

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you, this review is gifted to you from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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This item number is not valid.
#1695090 by Not Available.

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13
13
Review of WHY SHOULD I?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of having the poet questioning her love and showing him that he did nothing but hurt her by tearing up her heart and that he isn’t someone that she could trust showing the importance of love and friendship and that the two of them aren’t a test or some sort of a game to risk or play with, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed the reasons of why the poet can never trust that man again along with the rhyming and the logical reasons and order in the poem.

2. I liked the way you showed the pain in the poet’s heart and the metaphor you used showing the tears to flow as rivers, and how that she couldn’t trust him anymore and that if she accepted him in her life her life would be the life of a paranoid person due to the mistrust and insecurity she feels towards this kind of relationship.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to show a glimpse of events that happened to show his betrayal and treason.

*Note*I think it would be better to show some parts of the past were the trust was there and how it was betrayed causing all these doubts and the end of a relationship.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you, this review is gifted to you from {ritem: 1816170} by ~WhoMe???~ Author IconMail Icon
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#1695090 by Not Available.

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14
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Review of PURE WATER  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the way you showed the purity of water and how the poet is still looking for it, even the water coming out from rain is polluted, thinking that the purest water is only in heaven to be found, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you described the rain as polluted tears from the skies, showing the polluted world and how the earth is polluted and only one way to reach and to get the pure water.

2. I liked the way you showed that being led by faith and trust will make us reach to the pure water which is only found in heaven.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to show the reason of pollution giving more details and events for having the water polluted show it somehow through figures of speech like in the rest of the poem.

*Note*I think it would be better to show more about faith and trust, show more about purity and how the humans or water was pure at first and got polluted, how it felt in both states polluted and pure.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
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#1695090 by Not Available.

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15
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Review of Dog  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem telling the story of a dog who never gave up being around a certain human family and ended up saving their daughter from fire and dying in the process, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed how the dog was insisting on being with that family and dealing with the leftovers of their food, caring about them and protecting their house from Coyotes and foxes

2. I liked the way you showed how loyal the dog was in saving the family’s daughter even though his fur caught fire which ended up with his death.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note*I think it would be better to give the family names and give more description about the family and the house.

*Note*I think it would be better to show how the family especially the daughter got attached to the dog and how his death affected the whole family instead of ending the poem with the dog’s death and their regret of not giving him a name.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you

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#1695090 by Not Available.

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16
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Review of Broken  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem I liked the way you show how a person could feel when his/her partner breaks his/her causing a the end of a relationship and the of the life between the two and the shock and the disbelieve that the person feels, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed the broken love and broken heart describing how the person feels after having the love of his life break his heart and pretending the smiles and happiness, wandering how can she live with herself knowing that she is lying and that her love is fake.

2. I liked the way you showed how the meanings disappeared after being hurt by the person that was never thought to betray or stab in the back.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note*I think it would be better to show more about the relationship before and after the shock and the broken heart, and before the pretending and how it ended up that way.

*Note* I think it would be better to show more about the two lovers the common stuff between them, and how their relationship ended that way and why.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you

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17
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Review of Bella  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting piece about your service dog Bella, I liked the way you showed how you were looking for a service dog and ended up with her and that you consider that as your best decision taken at that time, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed Bella being lost and that your friends got tired from looking for her original donor ending up to your benefit and having her as your service dog.

2. I liked the way you described your relationship with Bella and how she is important to you and that you are only apart for a real or a serious reason.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to mention more about Bella and the reasons of needing a service dog and more about the circumstances of having Bella as your service dog and how she was wondering in the streets with no luck of finding her owner.

*Note* I think it would be better to show more about the situations that could cause the two of your to be apart and more about her behavior while visiting a friend and when the two of your are together.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great piece, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your piece.

Thank you

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18
18
Review of Name Challenge  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
This is the 2nd and last review gifted to you by Maryann Author IconMail Icon from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting Essay I liked the way you show the young girl and how she is lost in her fantasy trying to find an identity for herself based on her knowledge of fantasy and the world around her, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed how Emme the young girl was so much affected by fantasy and stories and how she was trying to find the story of her own wishing to be someone different that can lead not just be there among people around her.

2. I liked the way you showed her curiosity about the world around her trying to learn the lessons of life that aren’t easily learnt, and knowing that learning about life is an everyday process.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* Avoid present tense always keep it in the past “a young girl sits in her musty dormitory room” Should be “a young girl sat in her musty dorm room.”

*Note*I think it would be better to show more about this girl’s life and more about her background, give more details about her fantasy and the reasons of why she wants to be another person or to be alive in a different life form.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great essay, i enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your essay.

Thank you

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19
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Review of Preface  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
A very interesting preface, I liked the idea of having a place for peace that the gods promise its queen to only have her bloodline as the ruler for Calli and having another king who wants to destroy the peace and own Calli and become it’s ruler, knowing the rules and the promise that the gods promised the queen with, he knew that he had to keep the heir alive and make her follow and be raised according to his will and not according to peace like her ancestors, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the preface is written

          1. I liked the way you showed the background of the queen and how Calli was created and how that only the bloodline of the original queen is the only ones that’s going to rule Calli.

         2. I liked the way you showed how King Neslund wanted to destroy the peace in Calli and take it to himself and raise the new heir of Calli knowing that she is the only one who could keep him on the throne of Calli.

         3. Show the reasons of having King Neslund wanted Calli, show the history of both King Neslund and the queen of Calli and their ancestors.

         4. Show a glimpse about the new heir and the environment that she was in and the environment that she is going to grow in, is she going to stay with the old gods who promised her ancestors to keep Calli only in her bloodline or is she going to change or convert to King Neslund’s gods?

         5. Show the onflict of culture and environment between Calli and King Neslund’s original place and culture.

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

          1. Outline it

         2. Organize it (set a time line to the story, show more about the gods and the promise made to the original queen of Calli, and what would break that deal? Show King Neslund’s preparations for war and his gathering of information to take over Calli and to stay on its throne forever. .

*Butterflyo* Rating

          Since there is war and murder in this preface then I think the rating should go to 13+

*Butterflyr* Plot

          I liked the way you showed a woman forming her own country, and establishing peace, making the gods promise her that with that peace she made the she deserved to have her bloodline to rule that country, then having another jealous and greedy king who wants to take over Calli the country of peace and become it’s ruler he goes into Calli and destroy the peace, capturing the last heir of Calli to raise her in an evil way to forget her ancestors history and work towards peace.


*Butterflyv* Characterization

          I liked the way you showed the characters the queen very dedicated to her country and peace, King Neslund very greedy and wants to rule and destroy the peace around him, killing and destroying the people who live in peaceful countries and capturing the heir to teach her his twisted methods to go through wars and neglect the effort done by her ancestors towards peace.

Overall it is a great preface, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your preface.

Thank you
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20
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Review of Zen Garden  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of showing the setting of zen garden showing and describing the breeze, the water, the peace and the sands allowing the reader to visualize it in their mind. But still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed the waters in Zen garden tilting and filling up again, showing continuity of peace and life in this garden in a way describing the karma of peace and enlightening it.

2. I liked the way you described the breeze and how it had it’s unique effect on the sands and having its own print on it, yet careful and caring not to ruing its nature nor peace and changing it as if it is changed by gentle and caring hands.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to give more details of Zen Garden, as in why is it there and what and where exactly is it?

*Note* I think it would be better to show more than just water, breeze and peace, like for example showing the unique creatures in there and how they all live in peace, loving and caring about each other and describe their unique shapes and looks.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you

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21
21
Review of Covered Trails  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the way you showed love as a great thing that can do wonders and with it's force people can feel each other's pain and sorrow, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you how love can do wonders making a lover to carve her way to the her love, and how the two of them are affected by each other's sorrow and pain considering their hearts the home of each other.

2. I liked the way you showed how that the two of them are meant to be with each other, sacrificing everything just to save each other's love and hearts and prevent it from being broken.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to show the love from the two lovers point of view as if they are rhyming their love in their own perspective responding to each other and have the narrator or a poet (a third person) show their actions.

*Note* I think it would be better to describe the pain and sorrow and how it felt for the poet to know that she was in pain give more details about it.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you

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22
22
Review of Your Today  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the way you showed how today is a gift and present and we should be happy with it since that each day is heaven to be lived in, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed how the poet wanted to change the past and needed the opportunity to change events but then realizing that the past became history and the future is unknown and filled with

2. I liked the way you showed how wishing might allow some good things that might happen to slip, showing that people distracted by their depressions and wishes to change the past don't allow themselves enough time to look for what's good for them, not take the chances given that might make their lives better.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note*I think it would be better to show an example or a part of the poet's life that proofs this point where the chances slip.

*Note*I think it would be better to show how life changes when we become happy and content with our days and feel that it is a gift knowing that some day we might not be here and that gift would be taken away from us.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great poem, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you

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23
23
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having Lisa as a woman who has a lot of responsibilities that she doesn’t have time for herself to relax and enjoy her surroundings, due to her kid’s problems at school and her husband’s unemployment and her work problems when snow comes to interfere but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the way you described the situation showing Lisa as someone who has no time for herself that she started to lose the real meaning of happiness in life.

         2. I liked the way you showed how she was going into depression not realizing the beauty around her and not giving herself a time to rest.

         3. I think it would be better to show not tell, show how the characters interact with each other before and after her depression. Show what her thoughts were, show the details and events of her husband losing his job in the firm. Show the problems that her three kids used to make in school and the reasons of it.

         4. I think it would be better to describe her feelings not just tell her reactions when she saw the old woman in the mirror thinking that the stranger with in herself would never leave and she has to run from her/it.

         5. Show the twist in the story it was unexplained the sudden change in the character’s attitude from depression to complete satisfaction and happiness realizing the beauty around her, what made her change definitely wasn’t just a dream about past memories!

         6. I think it would be better to show the memories and the past times as flashbacks and make them in italics to prevent confusions.
*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Outline it

         2. Organize it (Show the basic lines of the story, the introduction, the body, the twist, the resolution and then the solution.)

*Butterflyo* Rating

         I think this story should go to ASR.

*Butterflyr* Plot

         1. I liked the way you showed how Lisa was going into depression only thinking of her responsibilities afraid that something goes wrong and she won’t be able to handle it, hoping that there would be no unusual snow days, her husband get back to work, and her children do well in school, yet realizing that she is becoming older, and time is passing by faster than she thought and that there is no enough time for herself or to enjoy and love nature itself, making her miss a lot of things. Running and going to the woods remembering her past in there with her family and then falling asleep to wake up and see things with a different eye and manner where the colors of nature become real beauty to her and she realize that she is still in love with it, going back home she decides to start a new page where love would her only concern and not put her mind on the negatives but the positives in her life like her love to her husband.

         2. There are few things missing in this story like where was the point that she really changed. (having a dream and then back to love life isn’t enough nor logical)

         3. Why isn’t her husband looking for a new job? What are the notes from school are about? Why isn’t she interfering and helping her children to study or go and see what’s wrong with them in school?


*Butterflyv* Characterization

         1. I liked the way you showed the characters Lisa the one who feels responsible for the family, and missing out a lot of the fun because of her feelings towards responsibility.

         2. I liked the way you showed the careless and reckless husband who isn’t trying his best to be the best for his family.

         3. I liked the way you showed kids as kids and having them making trouble in school and needing a peace maker within them.

         4. I liked the twist you showed in Lisa’s character but I think it needs more details and need more events for it to happened logically.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

         1. I liked the way you showed the dialogue in this story but I think you need to put more dialogues from the past, memories, present show the story through the dialogues maybe even the dialogues between Lisa and herself.

         2. I think it would be better to show more movements and reactions, facial expressions during the conversation.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

          I liked the way you showed the main character’s thoughts but I think it would be better to show more thoughts and make the thoughts in italics to prevent confusions.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
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24
24
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting introduction, I liked the way you showed that this is not about your but more about your writings that is mainly about your life, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed that your passion is writing, and giving a simple introduction about your age and where are you from.

2. I liked the way you considered yourself a "prophet" and challenging the reader to try to know who or what was your previous account about, but I think you need to put more details about that part, was it the username of the other account you had here on WDC?

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to be more specific in the introduction like types of wiritings, like and dislikes, and more details about your life that you are going to be writing about.

*Note* I think it would be better to show more details about your activities on WDC previous And/or other account.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great introduction, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your introduction.

Thank you

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25
25
Review of End of the road  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION

Wow! A very interesting piece I liked the way you showed how school felt like for children, remembering how you felt towards the teacher and the other children, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

WHAT I LIKED

1. I liked the way you showed the stages you went through in school describing the bad moments and good moments, showing how that affected you in all the years growing up in school.

2. I liked the way you showed how days passed by and the young and ignorant child became a grown up and educated teenager, with memories about school as if it was long time ago, and memories about home-works, assignments and essays. Missing friends, teachers and the life style of being a student in school.

Suggestions and What can be improved:

*Note* I think it would be better to describe more of the events that went through in school, showing a memorable situation or two.

*Note*I think it would be better to show more details about friends, bullies and awkward situation that happened, remembering the time spent studying and compare it with the current situation either with work or university.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall it is great piece, i enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your piece.

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Thank you

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