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201
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi and welcome to WDC

Here are my thoughts about,"The Snow Monster." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You have a good premise for your story. A monster snowman comes around on Christmas Eve. I like the way the children handled the situation by pouring the hot cocoa on it. However, I do think that you could have used the parents a bit more in the story. They were too passive and did nothing but run upstairs leaving the children alone to deal with the monster by themselves.



Structure:

I found a number of errors and typo’s throughout the story One for instance is;” A huge pile of snow landed on the roof and [the] slid off onto the ground below. The word [the] is not needed. Also,”The monster started to move towards the front door. Towards should be [toward]


Suggestions:

I would read through the story again and make the revisions necessary. You are already off to a good start and some revising will make the story even better. Nice job!



Overall:

Can use some more work

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of "Shiny Pearl"  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi and welcome to WDC

Here are my thoughts about,"Shiny Pearl." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You poem has a nice message of being hopeful for the better things. It has words of encouragement. It tells us to live our lives to the fullest and do the best that we can do. I like the part where you wrote; “so why waste that pearl on a life centered on sadness and grief?” Life is indeed, too short. We should make use of our time wisely.


Structure:

I felt that the rhyme was a bit off and the last two lines, although a good thought, didn’t seem to have a flow that the rest of the poem had. It seemed a bit off to me. I also noticed some typos and spelling errors.


Suggestions:

Look at some of the things mentioned. You have a good poem here that has a positive message. It just needs a bit more polish. Good job!



Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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203
Review of Scythe  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi and welcome to WDC

Here are my thoughts about,"Scythe." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

You wrote a good poem about the wheat harvest and you used some great imagery in doing so. I think that my favorite part is the fourth stanza. Good job!


Suggestions:


There were no errors that I could see in this piece


Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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204
Review of I love you  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi and welcome to WDC

Here are my thoughts about,"I love you." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


In your opening line you want to believe that everything will turn out to be alright. This poem, to me, shows a lot of emotions of desperate hopefulness. Losing a loved one is hard, and harder still, is letting go. I think that you put a lot of emotion into this piece. However, I found it to be a bit confusing and had to read certain lines over again which interrupted the flow. I noticed misspelled words throughout this piece.



Suggestions:

Take another look at this poem and see where you can possibly change some wording around to give it more clarity. Also, check on the spelling errors. I think that you already have a good start and with some more work you will have a much better poem. You can do it, I’m sure.



Overall:

Need some work

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
205
205
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Truck Drivers Don't Go To Heaven." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


First, let me say that it is a rather difficult thing for me personally to review song lyrics without having the music either played, or having the chart in front of me. Note values, time signatures, and many other things come in to play here. It may be just me. In my head the music is always there playing; getting the words to it is another thing. I looked at this piece a little differently than I would if someone brought it before me with the music. Of course this has a nice country feel to it and the theme is typical of a lot of country music. Not too bad! I had a little problem with the line;” We curse and we yell, smoke and raise hell” because I couldn’t find it smoothly flowing along with the rest of the piece. Then again, being heard along with the music; it might be mind blowing. Understand that I am in no way putting down your song; it is just the process (musically) of which I work with. Everyone uses whatever works for them, and since I neve was a singer, I probably never gave too much mind to laying down lyrics.





Suggestions:

To make for a better read I would put a space between the verses. Just a thought.



Overall:



Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about"The Essence of My Being." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a very nice poem about true love. I have once written a poem of this nature, but yours is much better. My favorite lines are;” Such a beautiful body, I can’t wait to touch. A long beautiful neck, I yearn to run my fingers on.” This has some nice imagery working on two levels, a woman and a guitar, both of which I like to hold by the way. You wrote a very nice piece. Is your guitar a Les Paul by any chanch?



Suggestions:

I would like to see some separation of the lines. This, I think, would make for a much easier read. It is just a thought though; you may feel differently about it.



Overall:

A very nice read.


Write on and play on. Keep making the music.
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Review of Trashcan Mind  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi and welcome to WDC.

Here are my thoughts about,"Trashcan Mind." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Traditionally Haiku usually draws a theme from nature. In this one though is a dark piece. In it we have a person who thinks that their mind is like a trash can. The person feels that his mind is diverse but useless. Depression is one of the things that would cause someone to think that way. They have a low self esteem and are self loathing. Your first line makes a pretty good statement;”My mind’s a trash can.” I think that if you put junk in (the mind) you can only expect junk to come out of it. Subsequently, all that junk inside leads to the negative outcomes. Good thoughts really do make a difference and have a positive effect on a person. Even in the bible Saint Paul wrote that whatever is good, noble, and so forth, think on these things. That sounds pretty good to me, although I realize that it is sometimes hard to do this.


Structure:

You followed the haiku form with a syllable count a 5-7-5


Suggestions:

I would like to see something a little brighter, possibly on a nature theme, from you. Keep at it and explore other avenues. WDC is a great place and you can find a wealth of information, and wonderful people that will help you become better at the craft. We all have room for improvement, and we learn together and from each other. Thanks for sharing this and keep writing.
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Review of Raven  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Raven." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

It was the title that attracted me to your poem since I like Ravens and crows. No not the Biltmore ravens, although I do like Cheryl crow. Anyway, I digress. Strangely enough they are the smartest of birds, and have a system of calls; communicating with each other. They are also communal, they can recognize individual people, and can produce an amazing assortment of sounds, more than 30 of them. Your poem has some good imagery and expressed to me well about the raven. I think that you have done a fine job on this poem. I like the way you started this piece out describing the raven; “blue, black, shiny bird. Very nicely done Good job!


Structure:

This is a good double haiku which flows along nicely and smoothly. I didn’t see any errors in it.


Suggestions:

None that I can think of



Overall:

a very nice haiku.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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209
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Who is stealing our early years?!" Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


You bring up some pretty good points in your article. I think everyone would like to have their youth back and be twenty again. This is only natural and throughout history it is seen; the fountain of youth. I know that for myself, I often wish I were younger. When my energy is running low, or when I am not as strong as I once was to do a certain task. All of this is natural for people to feel, but the problems that you mention in this article go way beyond this. We all don’t “need” to be twenty something, and sometimes that is where people get confused; they have to be. This is where the greed and marketing comes in. Pepsi products and all sorts of other advertisements, try to sell you things on the premise that it will give a sense of youthfulness. Society has changed from those “ golden years,” or has it? People are people ever since people were people. The only thing changing is that all of this is progressively getting worse. Partly it’s because of our great communication systems like TV and internet. They have a large influence on everyone, especially our children.

You wrote;” By the time our youth is 10 it is obsesed with the latest make up and fashion that shows off what? Their budding sexuality?” I agree with this, and think that our children are growing up too fast. But has it always been so about their budding sexuality? Many years ago when I went to school the girls didn’t look as they do now. No, I just don’t mean their being scantily dressed or their makeup, or even their attitudes. They simply didn’t look like they do now. The development of the young people today is much different, and at a faster rate than that of years ago. Why? Some believe it is the diet. Some believe it is chemicals in the environment; still other think hormones are the cause. A lot of studies were made on this subject, but I also think that a lot of it has to do with how society relates to these sexual issues. from a psychological standpoint anyway. Kids are growing up too fast physically, but their minds are still not as developed as much.
You wrote an interesting article bringing up many points which can be looked into more thoroughly. The thing that sort of ruined this for me is all of the personal comments you brought into this piece. Straight off you will probably feel that I am a Britney Spears fan or something of that sort. I assure you I am not, but what I will say is that it is too bad that she, and others like her, is having these various problems due to growing up too fast. One should show some compassion towards them, if not for what they have done, but for the fact that they are misguided individuals.




Structure:




Suggestions:


I would make some edits to this piece, and also some additions. As I said you have some good subject matter here. Also check for some of the misspelled words, and polish it up a little. I am sure that you can improve this making it a great article.



Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Love- What is it?  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,Love-What is it? Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


Your poem asks the question that many have asked; what is love? Of course there are different types of love, but you are speaking about the physical and emotional love between two people. Certainly love between two persons is a beautiful thing. We may experience the “warm and fuzzy, have the tummy do its flip flops, and have that special warm feeling when together. Often times this all fades away. Does it mean the two are not in love anymore? No. I think that true love is two people loving each other in spite of all the things that life throws at them. They are aware of their love for each other, knowing that often times these feelings are not always there. You can’t just rely on feelings alone. Love is much more than that. Feelings can sometimes misguide you, and you will have times when you think that you don’t love that person; but you do. Many things will get in the way of love, even attack it at times, but you must stand firm against all of that. Love takes work. They say that it is a fifty fifty proposition. But I say each person needs to give one hundred percent. Giving half is just not good enough. Your poem makes you think about love as you try to answer the questions asked. Good job!



Structure:

Your poem is free verse and has a nice flow. You used a fine choice of words which brought about some good imagery.


Suggestions:


I would place a space after each question that is asked. I think that would make it an easier read and give it a nicer presentation on the page. This is just my opinion though.


Overall:
A good read


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"My Daughter, My Life." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a nice poem expressing the love a parent has for their daughter. I think you used a fine choice of words to express the feeling that you were trying to bring across.


Structure:

It is open form and has a nice flow to it, I thought. I like the way that you presented it too;it looks good on the page.



Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Angel in Disguise  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi Fred

Here are my thoughts about, "Angel in Disquise." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a good tribute poem for a lost cat. I can relate; since I too have lost a cat of fifteen years to liver cancer. They are much more than pets, they become part of the family; and when losing them, the grief is very real.




Overall:
A good read


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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213
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi Anne

Here are my thoughts about, The Other Realm #1. Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


You have some good ideas for this story although I am not too much into vampire stories. They are really over done in my opinion, especially with the movies and TV series, "True Blood,” and “Twilight.” All this aside though, I'll get back to your story. One of the questions I had when reading it was; how did Conrad get into this other realm? Did he just wake up inside it? There has to be an entrance way. I would like to have heard a little bit more about this realm. Time and space are so fascinating. Nothing can occupy the same space at the same time. Thus you have realms. Also, I feel that in the line “When I woke up, I glanced at my alarm clock.” Alarm clock is not really needed again. I have also noticed some spelling and grammatical errors throughout. For instance; “I wasn't spook [ed] out easily but I was, [comma not needed here] this once. And in the sentence “the man had unlock the car. Unlock should be unlocked. I feel that you have a good story started. It just needs some more work and editing. Keep at it. I know you'll be pleased with the results.



Overall:

Needs more work.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of The cursor blinks  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"The cursor blinks." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:



I have certainly been there before so I can relate to this piece. I especially liked your third verse. There were times that I would be almost hypnotized from staring at this for so long; only, and after hours, still come up with nothing. I think that this is pretty good and something many of us can relate to. However, as you mention, it needs some more work. It is definitely worth doing on this, and I’m sure you’ll be able to polish it to make it shine.






Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Thats why it hurts so much." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


You did a fine job telling how pain can be. However, I did notice a few grammatical errors in this. Also, I am not sure about the form in general. The repeated verses just don't seem to feel right to me. Maybe if they were re-worded a little differently it would change the feel of the piece.




Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of The Grim  
Review by Boston
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about, The Grim." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a dark poem, almost creepy like in an odd kind of way. From what I can see of it, the character of the poem, the inviter, may be a pedophiliac. He invites the youngster inside;” Enter my humble abode, my domain.” He gives them something to drink, alcohol maybe bourbon over ice. (“Liquid sweet fire on rocks”) He has some sort of encounter with the youngsters- “And blood and filth and sex and gore”
Shall teach you the true face of horror.” The man is now satisfied- “Take note of my satisfied slumber For I have been well fed, hunger and thirst quenched.” Well done1



Overall:

A good read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi, and welcome to WDC. You will find this to be a great site with lots of wonderful people willing to help you in your writing.

Here are my thoughts about,Pub Song fro Jesus." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:


I think that your song has many truths in it. Christ did perform a lot of miracles, hang on a cross, and shed His blood for our sin. My favorite part is;“judas felt so guilty that all he could do was flee they found him later on that night swingin from a tree.”



Structure:

First I must say that I usually don’t judge or rate a song based on its lyrics alone. This is due to the fact that I need to have the music to go with it to be able to tell if the lyric fits. It’s just me I guess. I will however make some comments on the content of this piece. We will skip all of the, oh aye di lines because, as I just mentioned, I need the music.

You wrote; “this is song's about an amazing man whom everybody knew he performed many a miracles and then well he got screwed.” I would choose a different word for screwed. Although it is not a “bad word” I feel it denotes a little bit of disrespect used in this context.

I also encountered some misspelled words throughout, and you need to use caps. Example: “peter was asked about him he daid "don't know that name" Note;[peter with a cap] and [daid] I think you mean said. Also, the word [pentacost] should be Pentecost. I realize that some writers write without the use of caps, but in my opinion, they should be used. Your use of words like swingin, speakin, is acceptable for musical lyric.



Suggestions:


I would look over these lyrics and see what improvements can be made. All in all, not considering the music, I think you have a good workable song here. Some polishing up and a little further work is all that is needed. Surely it’s not a difficult task, and very worthwhile.


Overall:

Needs some work

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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218
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"An offset judgement." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

What I liked about this piece was the way you related to each of the different quality’s you mentioned. Other than some punctuation errors throughout I felt that your format could be a little better. Maybe spaced out differently would make for a nice presentation.


Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Zombie Story  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Zombie Story." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I thought your story was pretty good, although I don't usually read things like this. Your inner voice (Gutty)and how you conversed with it had a good Schizophrenic feel to it, and I found it an interesting element to your story. The humor that you added to this piece was also good without being overdone. All in all I think you have a good story going on. I didn't read "Zombie Story" yet, but I will do so later.

Structure:

I did find a few typo's in this piece. One of them being the sentence;"I don’t wanna piss of Sexy again I replied." I think you meant to write [off] There is also the sentence;"The gas pedal locked up by itself causing the car started to slow down." Better to write, "The gas pedal locked up by itself causing the car to slow down." Omit the word started. I had a little hard time with;"And the boy became a man." I think you need some clarification on this. There are some other errors that I didn’t mention throughout the story, but they are not anything that a little read through editing can correct.


Suggestions:

Do a little more editing on this. I think you have a good story going on. Nice job!



Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of death  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"death." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

Ahhhhh Death! You brought up an interesting topic with your poem. What is death?
People realized that there was a chance that a person wasn’t totally dead just because there was absence of a heartbeat and respiration. There are many things no a days that can keep someone alive; if you measure life by breathing and a pulse alone. Quality of life must be considered too. Back in the sixties, I think, someone came up with the definition of death as irreversible damage to the brain; brain dead. Using this explanation of death presents some problems for some, since they can see a persons chest rising and falling, a feel that the body is still warm. But that is only because they are hooked up to a machine. I have studied death somewhat, many years ago. There are three types of it. There is clinical Death, brain death, and cellular death; one of the last stages of death. It makes an interesting study, and I would recommend that you someday look into it.
All of this, in one way or another, is known to everyone. We will all someday die. Death is the ultimate fear for many. I think that what this poem is really asking is the question of what lies beyond the grave.I would have to refer to the bible as my ultimate authoritative source. It is clear that death is not just physical death of the body, but also death of the spirit. Read in Genesis, where the sin against God by Adam and Eve, caused them both to die spiritually that day. They lost their personal relationship with God. Is spiritual death supported in the Bible? Yes. You’ll find it in many places, old and New Testament alike.
What happens after death is the most important thing to consider when looking at various stages of death. The majority of Christians believe in some kind of afterlife; a heaven, where they (believers) will enjoy the presence of God and other believers and freedom from suffering and sin. One part of the “Baptist Faith and Message;” reads that; “God, in His own time and in His own way, will bring the world to its appropriate end. According to His promise, Jesus Christ will return personally and visibly in glory to the earth; the dead will be raised; and Christ will judge all men in righteousness. The unrighteous will be consigned to Hell, the place of everlasting punishment. The righteous in their resurrected and glorified bodies will receive their reward and will dwell forever in Heaven with the Lord.”




Structure:

Although you used an interesting topic for the poem, I felt that you could have made a better presentation of it. I am by no means an expert on grammar and punctuation, but I could plainly see that this piece needs some work in this area.
For instance you did not capitalize your [I’s] and you didn’t use question marks at the end of your questions. Also, I felt that you could have said much more about death.



Suggestions:

Corrections as mentioned above and add more to the poem.



Overall:


Needs work
Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi Mel

Here are my thoughts about,"Lovely Frankenstein." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I liked your poem. Reading it reminded me of some of the old Frankenstein movies I saw many years ago. One in particular was “The Curse of Frankenstein’’ with Peter Cushing. This piece brought back some memories for me of watching movies with my father. Good job!




Suggestions:


None that i can see.


Overall:

A good read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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222
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about, "Chapter 1 The Dream." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.


The first paragraph, I thought, was a very good start to this story. It set the scene beautifully. I usually don’t read much stories about vampires, witches, and those types of things, but I do know that they (vampires) are a very hot topic these days with all of the movies and TV shows being written about them. After reading this I felt that there was a lot of information that had to be added to this story. To me it seemed like there was a previous chapter written. Things like who were the “Watchers” that had to be put on alert, and why? The time of the prophesy…what was the prophesy? There is more that needs to be told. The night at the ball, and what transpired could use some more expanding upon. Also, regarding Damien’s recollections about being attacked and left for dead; this could have been expanded more also. Who was the strange man that attacked Damien, and why? These are some of the things that I feel can be worked on more to improve this story. You have a good story here so don’t rush it along. Expound more upon it. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Media Memoir  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Media memoir." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a very good piece and it is well written. One part that brought back some memories to my mind was when you told about how you collected music and listening to it for hours. At an early age, before I could read or write, I would hear records playing in our house. There were certain songs that I really liked. I couldn’t read, as I have mentioned, so I would crease the edges of my father’s album jacket covers, marking them so I would know where the particular songs were.
Now as an adult, and a musician, I have a massive music collection. Thank God for technology and MP3 files, it takes up a lot less room now. At any rate, I really enjoyed reading this, and think that you have done a great job writing it.



Suggestions:


None that i can think of.


Overall:

A very interesting read.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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Review of Kristilove  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1605683 Unavailable **



Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Kristilove." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

This is a good poem and a very nice sentiment to put into words about your friend. I thing that you’ve done a fine job on this one.



Suggestions:

None that i can think of.



Overall:

A good read

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
225
225
Review of Forgiven  
Review by Boston
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi

Here are my thoughts about,"Forgiven." Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish.

Content:

I like the message you are trying to send in this piece. “He came down from above To show unconditional love He died on the cross for me So that I could be free.” This surely is a great message of the good news found in Christ. I think that my favorite part though, is the first stanza. It speaks of confession. Realizing that you have done wrong and asking for forgiveness. Then in the next two lines-wondering how it all began. How did it ever come to this? Sometimes we start off doing small things that, deep down inside of us we know are wrong. We rationalize and think that they will be harmless at the time. Then from that point we stray even further without even realizing what we have done. You have some good thoughts throughout this poem.
What I felt that needed some work is the rhythm of the piece by rearranging some of your words and staying with a moiré constant syllable count. This is especiall evident in the second verse line two.



Structure:

What I felt that needed some work is the rhythm of the piece by rearranging some of your words and staying with more of constant syllable count. This is especially evident in the second verse line two. Also I found some areas that needed to be re-worded for clarity. ["I now know who I am in this fight."]


Suggestions:
You have a good poem going on here. I would take another look at some of these areas and see how you can improve upon them. I think that you have done a fine job and that this just need a little tweeking




Overall:

A good poem that needs some work.

Thanks for sharing,keep writing, and have a great day.
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