Plot and Content: This was a very well-written short story about a U.S. Marine who has seen some action. It seemed very realistic.
Errors/Suggestions: I didn't see any errors.
What I liked: My dad was in the Marine Corps. so it's always nice to read a story about a Marine. I like the message of this story, that civilians tkae freedom for granted, and we should really appreciate what men and women like this character do for us by serving our country. That's a really good message!
Plot and Content: It was an interesting poem, but I had trouble understanding what the poem was about. I know it must be obvious to people who are into poetry, but I had trouble understanding it. I assumed it was about suffering from depression, and trying to hide it from the world.
Errors/Suggestions: I didn't see any errors, but a suggestion would be to have a paragraph at the bottom of the page telling people the meaning of this poem. You don't have to do that, of course, people can just e-mail you and ask, but it might make it easier for some people (like me) to understand the true meaning of this poem.
What I liked: I liked how you worked the phrase "won't tell a living soul" into each section of the poem, that was kind of cool!
Plot and Content:This was a very well-written drama in the tradition of Alfred Hitchcock. The story starts out on a level most of us can relate to: being in love with someone who is unattainable; but it develops into an unfortunate series of events for the protagonist, who crosses a line most of us would be unwilling to cross.
Errors/Suggestions: I didn't see any errors.
What I liked: I liked how ruthless this guy was, and I also liked the fact that he made a mistake that ended with getting himself caught, so that there would be justice for the crime he committed. Like I said before, this story reminded me of the Alfred Hitchcock show, and in that tradition, you did an exceptional job!
Plot and Content: I thought the subject of your poem was interesting, and I liked the way you tried to make it rhyme. This poem was very visual, something that is difficult to achieve with a poem.
Errors/Suggestions: I didn't notice any errors.
What I liked: I thought it was cool that you made a play of words by describing a rainbow as "Noah's Arc." At first I didn't get it and I thought you had made a mistake, then I realized you were talking about the rainbow being the "arc" in the sky. I must've been stuck on stupid for a minute not to realize that right away. Excellent job!
Plot and Content: All three of these poems had a theme of water and aquatic life, and they seemed to stay within the topic of the subject of these poems very well.
Errors/Suggestions: In the 5th paragraph of the first poem, I think I spotted an error. It says: "but whee are the fish pictures on here?" and I think it was meant to say: "but where are the fish pictures on here?"
And in the third poem, it says "place o swimming" and I think it was supposed to say "place of swimming."
What I liked: These poemns had a childish charm, like that of a child who loves fish and aquatic life and wants to write about it.
Plot and Content: A well-written love poem that laments a lost love.
Errors/Suggestions: I didn't see any errors.
What I liked: Even though I usually don't "get" poetry, I like rhyming poetry the best! You did an excellent job getting your point across while simultaneously making the words rhyme. I like happy love poetry the best, but sad poems like this one are cool, too!
Plot and Content: This was a well-written love poem, you did a good job expressing the emotions associated with finding true love.
Errors/Suggestions: I didn't notice any errors.
What I liked: Many times, people write love poems that deal with the loneliness of not being with the one they love, so it's a nice change of pace to read a love poem from someone who has found that perfect relationship. I like how you said your life has started since finding your soulmate, I would agree if I was in that situation.
Plot and Content: This poem reflects what many of us can relate to. Good choice of subject matter for a poem!
Errors/Suggestions: I didn't see any errors.
What I liked: I liked the fact that most people were in this position at some time in their lives, being in awe of someone we had a crush on, but being unable to attain a relationship with that person. This is definitely something most people can relate to.
Plot and Content: Excellent choice of subject! I love ghost stories, especially ones that are supposedly true. You did a good job of conveying all of the information about the ghost woman, so we know what the poem is about.
Errors/Suggestions: No real errors that I noticed, but you might want to put the title in bold lettering, I think it would look better that way.
What I liked: I liked how realistic it was, and the fact that it might possibly be a true story. Could you e-mail me back and let me know if this is based on actual events?
Plot and Content:This essay was informational and accurate. Most of the rating and reviewing issues were covered.
Errors/Suggestions: One area I see missing is the opposite problem of being afraid to rate an item too low: being afraid to rate an item with five stars when it deserves it. Sometimes I'll see a piece that seems like it deserves five stars, but I'll give it four and a half stars because I'm sure I must be mistaken if I think the piece is perfect. This problem isn't as common as being afraid to rate too low, but I think it does exist for some people who actively review. Some people are afraid to rate high, and I think you should deal with that issue in this article.
What I liked: I was happy to see that a problem I had when I first started reviewing was addressed: being afraid to give a rating lower than 4 stars. Usually I'm squeemish about giving an average rating when the piece deserves it. This is a problem I'm still trying to deal with today, and you did a good job of dealing with this issue that I'm sure many people can relate to.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. As a Christian, I was intrigued by the concept of a Christian novel, but I was baffled by the corruption of the church you described. I didn't understand why some of those men who ran the church and the seminary didn't believe in God. Still, it was a pretty good read, and I enjoyed it.
One thing I noticed that seemed like a flaw was when you were describing Willie's childhood in chapter one. You had him getting a perfect score on a test, but a little further on you said he didn't get good grades in school. If he tried to miss a couple of questions on tests to avoid getting a perfect score, then he still would've gotten Bs in school, at the very least. Maybe you should go through and edit this.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. I really loved this poem, I've never read anything here at Writing.com that affected me so personally. I think you did a great job re-writing the mythology of the Adam and Eve story, and you've joined a small exclusive club of people who have added to that story.
I personally believe everything in the Bible from the time of Abraham onward, but the Creation story of Genesis still intrigues me. I think you have the chops to become a professional writer, if this poem is an example of your typical work!
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. I'm sorry that your father passed away, I hope writing this poem was able to give you some comfort. I think it's good that you offer an explanation at the end for not having punctuation in this poem, so people understand that you were following a prompt that asked you to not use punctuation; this should keep your poem from getting rated lower, because people can understand that it was meant to not have punctuation.
This poem describes a sad event, but I like the way it focuses on something positive, the mockingbird in the tree. I think you did a great job!
This story is off to a good start, and I think it has a lot of potential. I feel that when someone makes an addition, it is up to the writer and owner of the interactive to go through and correct all of the mistakes the guest writer makes. I try to do that with all of my interactives, and I think you should do it with yours. One of your chapters was made by someone who made a lot of errors. It was chapter three, where the giantess swallows the protagonist. I think you should go through and correct the mistakes he made.
Other than that, I wish you the best. I saw this story linked over at Eka's portal, that's what brought me over here to take a look.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. You spelled the title at the beginning of the poem "Velentine," I don't know if that's intentional or a misspelling, but I thought I'd point it out to you in case it was a mistake. This was a pretty cool poem, you put a lot of heart and soul into it.
The only flaws I can see are where you use grammatically incorrect words, in order to make the poem rhyme. In the first paragraph, you wrote "I have never write," but proper English would be "I have never written," but if you used that, the words wouldn't rhyme. I've never seen a poem written in quite this way, but I can only assume that it is a technique I am simply unfamiliar with, since I know so little about poetry.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. This is a cute little poem, it's short and right to the point. I think you're selling yourself short by saying you don't have many talents, because you seem to excel at writing poems. I really got a kick out of this!
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. This is an excellent poem, you really got your point across about the fact that you're broken-hearted and lonely. I actually feel the urge to give you advice, because I'm single and alone, but I don't feel the despair you seem to feel. I believe there is a relationship for everyone out there, and it's just a matter of time until you find the right person, so there's no reason to feel such heartache.
One flaw I found was in paragraph four, you misspelled separated as "seperated," it's an easy mistake to make. Well, good job on this poem, and good luck finding happiness in your life, I'm sure you won't be lonely forever!
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. It seems like I've reviewed you quite a few times, Leger! I look forward to reading your stuff when we get it assigned in the Simply Positive group. This was an interesting piece of prose, something most people can relate to; being let go by someone we love. I liked the symbolism you used with the pedestal and releasing the line from where you were moored. In spite of how bad this must've made you feel, it sounds like you handled it well. Taking your feelings and putting them into a poem is a good form of therapy when you feel that way.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. It was a spooky story, and reminded me of the "Left Behind" series a little bit. The whole time I was reading it, I was wondering what happened to all of the people. From the ending, it appears that even the people responsible aren't sure of what happened. The dialogue was constructed in a way so that I always knew who was speaking. I've read books before where I had to go back and re-read the page to find out who was speaking, because I lost track; mastering the skill of not losing the reader is an art-form, and you did well.
Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation errors: In the seventh line you had "Ms Marsh" without a period after Ms., and you did it again in the last line where the agent speaks to Brenda, before the epilogue.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review! I think it's easy for just about anyone to write a quick poem of one or two paragraphs, but what you did, by telling a story in the form of a poem that lasted ten paragraphs is quite an accomplishent. As I was reading it, I was wondering how long you could pull it off, but to my amazement, the quality of the poem was maintained despite the length of the poem. There are many different types of poems, but the rhyming type are my favorite, and I think you did an outstanding job. The story was funny, too.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. When I read the ending to your story the first time, I didn't know what you meant by "still," I thought you meant she was a photographer and wanted to take a photograph of the ship, a "still shot."
After looking over it again, I saw that you meant a still to make alcohol, and the ending made sense to me. I know how difficult it is to write a flash fiction story, I wrote one that was under a thousand words once. But to write one with 300 words is nearly impossible! For doing such a good job and because I know how hard that is, I'm giving you five stars, because I don't think you could've done a better job with 300 words.
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. Like I tell most everyone who writes poetry that I review, poetry isn't my thing, and I usually have a hard time interpreting it. Yours was pretty easy to understand, it told the tale of someone whose life ended in a tragic accident. It was short and to the point, and the ending was put in terms that were appropriate for the scene and not often used to describe death. (I'm talking about the part where you said the character left this temporal plane.)
All in all, it's a good non-rhyming poem, and I think you did a good job!
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. I love time travel stories! I enjoyed reading your story, but I have a suggestion. I think you should go into more detail about what exactly the Underline jail is. I realize the protagonist is compelled to go on the time travel journey because if he doesn't, he will be forced to go to that jail. What I don't know is why he got into that predicament, and what that jail is.
In a few places there was the letter "I" in lower case, and it should've been capitalized. When Kitt wrote about love or hate, there was no "R" after the letter "O" and at the end of that little poem, the comma is one space too far after the word lose. I hope my suggestions help!
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. I know comedy can be the most difficult genre to write for. The poem you wrote was humorous without being too silly. Out of all the forms of poetry, rhyming poetry is my favorite, and I feel that you did a pretty good job of making your poem rhyme. Good job!
I'm Ace Corona, and this is a Simply Positive review. I've told people before that I'm not a good judge of poetry, but I'll do the best I can. It seems that you were writing a horror story in poem form. I noticed in line 8 and line 22 you have a comma with the next word right next to it, instead of using a space between the comma and the word. I thought I'd point that out to you to help you out, so you can edit this and correct it. The mood you set at the beginning of the poem really sets the stage well for something frightening to happen. The ending was surprising and spooky; you did a pretty good job.
---Ace
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