Hi Zeke  , this is a review of "Tee"  .
Please keep in mind that these are my perceptions of this piece. These comments should be considered constructive criticism and are not suggestions to change your work.
Overall: ‘Pride goeth before a fall.’ The first chapter of this novel introduces the main character, Tee, and gives the reader a detailed look into his life and character in a fairly short amount of time. While there is plenty of reasons to dislike him, there is an underlying current of consideration that makes the reader at least curious as to how he got to this place in his life, if not evoking sympathy for him. The story is set up for different paths. Will he try to redeem himself? Will he punish himself for both his actions/inactions? It is the possibility of either an inspirational ending or a cautionary tale that makes the reader look forward to the next chapter.
 Character development. Interactions and dialogue with his family, co-worker, and his environment detail what kind of man Tee is at this point in his life. His past is hinted at through narrative that lets us wonder if he wasn’t always this way. The vivid images of who he is pulls us into the story.
Tone. The overall tone was suspenseful, which was fitting. From the domestic problems at home, to the perilous and careless drive into work, then his callous treatment of his co-worker, the tension is on a slow burn and building.
 Accents. I’m in favor of using defining aspects of dialogue to help round out the character and set the tone for the reader. However, I do feel that it is a fine line to walk. The mention of it being specifically a Cajun accent was appropriate, in my opinion, to distinguish it from a purely southern accent. I do think that the phrase “ya’ll” was overused. It disrupted the flow for me, and I was pulled out of the scene. Instead of subtilty, it felt like a neon billboard proclaiming over and over again that he was Cajun.
It could be eliminated in some areas, which would ease the obviousness and enhance that Cajun drawl. Southerners do use it often, but they also use the word ‘you’. It shouldn’t be used to replace all instances of the word ‘you.’ I lived in Georgia for a while and am now in what is still considered the south.
For instance:
"You have a wonderful day too," he mutters to the empty kitchen. (only his daughter being addressed)
"Aw, Che'. Don't be like that." (eliminate it from here and it feels more natural)
Grammatical/Punctuation Errors. Though there were these errors throughout the piece, they did not take away from the overall feel. The ones that were there felt as though they were done by accident and would be caught in future drafts.
Only one specific highlight that might not be caught by spell/grammar check:
When you use the words ‘humanely’ and ‘inhumanely’, I don’t think they are said correctly in context. Debbie corrects Tee, but in the text, he said what she said the first time.
Descriptive wording/phrases. You have a talent for using colorful phrases to paint images for the reader.
Sometimes they tell us things about the character without having to say it directly.
The coffee tastes bitter.
Other times, they create the scene with startling clarity.
The sound reverberates off the mansion's facade—pure power, barely contained.
Keeping it succinct. For some readers – of which I am one – reading is a joy but also can be time consuming. When I read, I tend to want the story to keep a decently fast pace. Cutting out unnecessary words is a blessing to me. It sets the tone, keeps me in the scene, and saves time.
and Character arc. You build a terrific beginning to a rich character arc for Tee. The only consideration is how soon (and what it is) that creates the ultimate fall for him in the eyes of the reader. For me, it was him not opening the door for Debbie. On the surface, I understand that fear can override actions. On a personal level, this was a non-redeemable action for me for this character. Now, I am faced with deciding if I want to hear the rest of his story or close the book.
Lasting Impressions: Tee seems to be one of those characters that I might love to hate. I still may want to see what happens to him, but after his actions with Debbie, I’m not rooting for any good ending for him. For me, the best he could achieve is trying to make amends for his transgressions. (This goes for even if Debbie is fine outside those doors. His actions decided it for me.) Again, it is all tied to the overall meaning of the story – inspirational or cautionary tale. Both serve good purposes, but are possibly geared towards different audiences. Whichever this turns out to be, the writing style is rich with detail and takes the reader along for an action-packed ride.
Thank you for sharing your work with us.
 Maddie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
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The first word in the first line – ‘stood’ – has an odd feel for me when reading it, likely because it is past tense while the later verbs are present tense. I can understand why it was used and can’t disagree with the choice, but to read it aloud or in my head, it makes the beginning ‘hiccup’ for me.
Maddie
Maddie
Sort of a world within a world, namely ours. What intrigued me the most about this piece is that it felt like the author sat down and wrote it from start to finish on a whim. The format made me look for rhyming. (Was it going to be a poem?) When there was none to find, I was actually pleasantly surprised. For this particular story, it worked well to have the short, to the point statements.
Maddie
Maddie
