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339 Public Reviews Given
342 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'll comment about your story, characters, descriptions (narrative), and point out errors if you have any. I won't tear you down for small mistakes but I will point out anything I notice. I'm always polite in my reviews, I will do follow ups if necessary and I'll certainly be thorough if that's what you're looking for.
I'm good at...
Characterisation - I can instantly point out if your character's believable. And I can also help with show and tell if your story needs more balance.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, science fiction, comedy, romance, mystery, action/adventure
Least Favorite Genres
Historicals and political stories without humour or a twist. Overtly long non-fiction too.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories *Heart*
I will not review...
Well, there isn't much I won't review. I don't mind horror and erotica (no matter how hardcore) as long as there's a meaningful story. Please note - I will not review a random, weird fantasy that makes me feel like a perv *Bigsmile*
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Woodchester  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Coingold* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *Coingold*


Author : Choconut Author Icon
Title : "Woodchester" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Story
Your story is about two friends who enter a haunted house. The house is left unfinished because something scared the working men away. With fear and apprehension, the girls reach the top floor and they realise what it is. A life-sized gargoyle comes at them and bites the protagonist who now has an acquired taste for blood.

Man, its been a long time since I read horror *Bigsmile* Seeing as this is one of my favourite genres, I loved your delivery and the elements of the genre you exploited. Your story also sounded believable - what monster indeed would one find in half finished haunted house? I liked that you went for the less common gargoyle - it's rare to find them in mainstream horror, and your story had an entire backstory told in near 300 words.

*Bursto*Characters
Louise I'm assuming has already been bitten - she seems calm, and her character somehow felt like the recruiting type. Did she bring her friend there deliberately so the gargoyle could feed on her?

Your protagonist has a lot of bravery to follow her friend on a whim, no matter how much she wanted to prove her wrong. She was terrified, as she should be and I could feel her fear as a reader. I also detected a hint of exasperation - was she used to this whole gig of being dragged into haunted houses by her friend? I felt so.

*Bursto*Descriptions and dialogue
For a flash fiction story, the descriptions are sufficient. I like how you relied on the cold to set the mood - I always believe a good horror story should give you goosebumps and easiest way to do it is to introduce some frost. If you decide to expand this piece, consider adding more show - describe the entire house with its multitudes of scary settings.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Your POV is first person
Your Tense is past

Immersive, engaging, simple and easy to understand

*BurstO*Suggestions
Only one:

stone gargoyles scattered across the walls - This sounded off to me. I've never seen gargoyles 'scattered' across walls. I have seen them looming about or perched atop them, though. Please consider rephrasing it because it took a little from your flow.

*BurstO*Favourite part
“You should have believed me, that might have saved you.”

Great line of dialogue, given the context.

*Bursto*Final thoughts
Chilling story with brilliant execution. I like your style of writing and I enjoyed reading your story. A very warm welcome to WDC - it's great to have such talented authors with us. Thank you for sharing this piece - good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *Coingold*

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52
52
Review of My Cat  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Coingold* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *Coingold*



Poet : Laura L Alton Author Icon
Poem : "My Cat" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Subject
Your poem is about your cat. You describe how different your cat is from others, how she doesn't hunt or have kittens or even die. Ultimately you reveal the reason for the peculiarities - your cat is imaginary.

Ten points for creativity *Smile* Your title caught my attention seeing as how I love the little furry creatures. I was wondering where this was headed - your cat didn't sound like a cat at all until I realised that, well, it wasn't a cat. There was a time when I could relate to that, the frustration of not having a pet gets to you deeper than most other things.

*Bursto*Imagery
Your way of describing your imaginary pet was what carried this poem. You took your time showing me what everything your cat didn't do - at first, it sounded like the bragging of a proud cat owner which slowly morphs into the sadness of having a useless cat. The last line shattered any perception I had left - nice, unexpected twist there. Your humour tinged annoyance made the entire thing adorable.

*Bursto*Form
Free form with repetition of a single line throughout the verse. I liked that you didn't go for the obvious, "my cat's all that" way of saying things. The contrast of having a cat, compared with that of one made of air - especially your execution regarding the whole thing worked well in your favour.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Easy to understand, narrative and simple

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
Only one :

Some cats eye’s are - The possessive apostrophe is on the wrong word. Please consider cats' eyes are

*BurstO*Favourite part
The last two. For obvious reasons *Bigsmile*

*Bursto*Final thoughts
Cute, funny poem about your pet *Wink* Your sarcasm throughout the whole poem was very humorous - I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you for joining WDC, I hope you enjoy your stay here with us.

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

- TG *Coingold*

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53
53
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Author : Amalie Cantor - We Got This! Author Icon
Title : "That the Blind Might See" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Story
Your story is about a sprite who falls in love with an Unseeing. The woman cannot see and hence doesn't appreciate the beauty of the world around her. The sprite, Binda, goes out of her way and instead of killing the being, gifts her eye sight so she may see the world with her.

Flash fiction with characters and a resolution is hard enough to find - to write one in fantasy with two different races, that's quite a task. And one you accomplished very well, I should add. This is a story of an atypical romance between two unlikely beings, born out of compassion.

*Bursto*Characters
Binda at first seemed a stone cold warrior - she seemed to have no heart as she raised her weapon. The Unseeing also sounded cold, a distant enemy. But then you reveal that those two like each other and it warmed me upto them - the hunter has a heart, after all.

*Bursto*Descriptions and dialogue
For flash fiction, there were enough descriptions to drag me into your world and keep me there for long despite it being a short read. Dialogues were beautiful - they had that elegant, old world phrasing as only dialogues from fantasy can have.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Your POV is Third person
Your Tense is Past

Descriptive, narrative, simple and clear.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
Wow, you really are serious about proofreading, aren't you? *Bigsmile* *Cool*

*BurstO*Favourite part
The world provided its children with a tapestry of prismatic hues, if one could only see them.

*Heart* That - that was simply beautiful.

*Bursto*Final thoughts
A nice fantasy romance with a great premise told in less than five hundred words - wonderful execution on your part. I enjoyed it a lot, thank you for sharing - good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *Coingold*

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54
54
Review of Nightmare  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Author : Amalie Cantor - We Got This! Author Icon
Title : "Nightmare" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Story
Your story is about the various emotions, personified as factory workers in the brain. The chief is Stoicism, who is rudely awoken when Nightmare riles up the crowd by pitting Shame against Love and Lust. He gives the human they are in charge of, a nightmare about kissing a young colleague, taking advantage of the fact that his girlfriend is away. The fight is quickly resolved when Stoicism has a brief word with all the parties concerned.

Such creativity! This was so well written and thoughtfully planned out. It's hugely satisfying to see our emotions have emotions, and a boss of them, as they run around in their workplace called our brain. Often times they get the better of us, so it's nice to see them put in order.

*Bursto*Characters
Every emotion held its own - Fear was afraid of everything, Nightmare riled up fear (if you're interested, check this out "Sweet dreams" Open in new Window.) and Stoicism was the voice of sanity. I like how they each play a part in the working of the brain and how Amnesia made an appearance in all of this - it was a nice touch *Bigsmile*

*Bursto*Descriptions and dialogue
*Heart* Brilliant! I loved the way you showed what was happening inside the brain, you have a gift for good descriptive story telling. And of course, I fell in love with Stoicism's narrative - a touch of sarcastic humour in his dialogues made him very likeable.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Your POV is Third person
Your Tense is Past

Clear, simple, immersive and engaging

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
None I could find *Cool*

*BurstO*Favourite part
Can I just say all of it? *Bigsmile* Truly from the bottom of my heart - or brain, or whatever - I loved every single line.

*Bursto*Final thoughts
Entertaining, creative piece with a very believable storyline amidst your brilliant characters - everything about this piece deserves five stars. Keep up the great work and thank you for sharing!

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *Coingold*

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55
55
Review of Free Association  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Author : Rhyanna Author Icon
Title : "Free Association" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Story
Your prose is about - well, I'm assuming it's about your train of thought. First, your mind awakes and tries to come out of hiding. Uncertain, you try to snap out of your illusions. You view everything at large and it's taking its toll on you, but the light - I'm assuming it's either love or hope - is telling you of the better qualities in life. Your need to live outweighs that of control.

Your story has a good foundation, a deep meaningful one. I feel there was too much complexity in your wording, that it lost some of the intended meaning because of it. A little simplification as to why you feel the way you do would work better for the reader. I was confused a little but as I read it a few times, I understood what you were trying to convey.

*Bursto*Characters
You described a person who is just beginning to see the things around her and take control of her life. She is tired of staying hidden and though every small thing might leave a big mark in her mind, she's determined to find her way even if it means a loss of control.

*Bursto*Descriptions
I feel this area could use a little more simplification. For the first time, I'll say the words - your show needs a little more balance with tell *Smile* There was a lot of imagery and comparison going on - at times, I simply couldn't relate. But it shouldn't be too hard to include a little more explanation - an easy way to do this would be to simply expand this piece, so your readers could get used to your style of writing.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Your POV is First person
Your Tense is Present

Elaborate and descriptive

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
entitled too - Typo. entitled to

outweighs the opponents compulsion - Tense and punctuation. outweigh the opponent's compulsion

*BurstO*Favourite part
Light casts shadows over the fragile mind

I fell in love with that line. Beautifully written. *Heart*

*Bursto*Final thoughts
Your piece was very meaningful, when read and analysed thoroughly. I like that this piece made me think - those have the greatest beauty in all. I hope I read more of your work, thank you for sharing.

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *Coingold*

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56
56
Review of Fallen Sorrows  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Author : Rhyanna Author Icon
Title : "Fallen Sorrows" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Story
I know you intended this as a poem but seeing as it reads much like prose, I'll review it as such. Your piece is about a person experiencing sorrow. The sorrow is deep and it distances her senses. She has seen a lot of bad things happen to her and now she's filled with guilt. She sees hopes in the distance and she wishes to overcome her grief through it.

Your poem shows how a person in grief or depression feels. It had a lot going on - she experienced grief and guilt both at once. Why would she? Did she do anything wrong? As a reader, this aroused my curiosity - perhaps you could tell what she had done in another piece.

*Bursto*Character
The person clearly feels remorse at her own actions - she hates herself from what you say about her mirrored silhouettes. She sees darkness in herself and sees it as a cause of her sadness. But that soft note of optimism at the end hints that she's found a way out of her own messed up emotions.

*Bursto*Descriptions
You piece had some powerful wording - the way you used 'canopy of illusions' and described her own loss of character showed what was going on in her mind. This piece made me think of depression - she lost herself in the shadows of her mind.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Your POV is Third person
Your Tense is Present

Immersive, descriptive and thorough

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
have lead her Tense. led her

silent pr - Typo. silent or


*BurstO*Favourite part
Darkness overthrows the silhouettes, the mirror image of remorse.

Great imagery in that one line.

*Bursto*Final thoughts
Your piece had a lot of dark emotion. It sounded like you invited me into the mind of a grieving soul. I liked the experience because it was refreshing and nicely written, thank you for sharing.

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *Coingold*

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57
57
Review of Silence  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Poet : Rhyanna Author Icon
Poem : "Silence " Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Subject
Your poem is about a woman who struggles with everything around her. She confuses reality and she can't quite keep the peace in her soul. Slowly her illusions shatter and she draws deeper into insanity, the remainder of her perceptions shattered in doing so.

I wrote a poem about insanity - reminded me a lot of that one when I read this. Your poem has very powerful words to evoke what the person feels - her illusions and her peace disturbed, she now falls deeper into the darkness and lets go of her sanity. The process was described with a disturbing beauty in but a few lines.

*Bursto*Imagery
Your poem evoked dark feelings, disturbed ones. I was oddly filled with a peace when I read this poem, it's the way you described everything - I felt like the person, despite her struggles surrendered willingly at the end.

*Bursto*Form
Free form - doesn't have a set storyline to classify as poetic prose though. The poem had some alliteration which made its flow and rhythm seamless - the words sounded natural and your lines had good coherence.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Descriptive, immersive and vivid

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
None I could find *Cool*

*BurstO*Favourite part
The first and the last - because one invited me to stay, and the other let me go gently.

*Bursto*Final thoughts
Your poem has a haunting kind of beauty - your phrasing and choice of words were powerful and this poem had brilliant execution. I enjoyed reading this - thank you for sharing.

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

- TG *Coingold*

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58
58
Review of I am Done Crying  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Poet : Feather Pen Author Icon
Poem : "I am Done Crying" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Subject
Your poem is about retaliation. This poem describes a struggle - someone left you and yelled at you. You felt very alone with no one to go to for help - despite all this, you chose to recover. You refused to stay down and you stopped crying. You've decided to fight back and stand your own ground.

Your style of writing is one of my favourites *Heart* I'll tell you more about that in a bit. Regarding your poem itself - it had deep emotions that constantly changed. The dynamic was something I found intriguing for this style - instead of choosing one theme, you've actually woven quite a few together. The layers of emotions changing with every line was something I enjoyed immensely.

*Bursto*Imagery
Your poem had a really good portrayal of what you feel. At first it was anguish and sadness. This gave way to loneliness and being hopeless. After this you slowly find courage and start fighting - the tears have stopped. That line had a lot of power in it.

*Bursto*Form
Free verse. Here I'll explain on that earlier comment. Your way of writing poetry is very much like my own - it wouldn't qualify entirely as free verse because it has quite a lot of rhyme to it. But we write without a set meter. So its a hybrid between free verse and structured poetry - this generally gives very good rhythm, and conveys the poem's meaning with a flow that only comes with a strict rhyme scheme. (An example that's very similar is "Wisdom of insanity" Open in new Window.)

*Burstr*Style of writing
Simple, clear and very easy to understand.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
abandon me- Tense. abandoned me

This is no righting - This line does not sound right. Please consider rewording it.

brake but - I think you mean break

*BurstO*Favourite part
This is me fighting
I am done crying

This was your poem's title written into your poem. It was weaved between the lines beautifully.

*Bursto*Final thoughts
I thoroughly loved reading this! Very deep, emotional poem with brilliant execution - I'm glad you've decided to join our community, you have such talent *Smile* Thank you for sharing - good luck with your writing and have a great day!

- TG *Coingold*

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59
59
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Author : qaz4 Author Icon
Title : "Holding up The Wall" Open in new Window.

*Bursto*Story
Your story is about a saying of a friend's father regarding how you hold up wall. You mention how the wall holds you up just as much as you do it. The wall apparently holds fond memories for you. The wall showcases your achievements and every grain of imperfection is just the way you like it. The wall gives you support when you need it and it will stay with you against all odds.

Was this a thinly veiled ode to your friend? *Smile* You mention that this is a random piece of writing, but I see a context here. I'm not trying to read into things, but I'm assuming you addressed these words to your friend, just as much as the wall - after all, all good nonsense has sense if one looked deep enough *Wink* I liked your sarcasm throughout the whole story - you seem to hold a serious tone but the subject matter itself was very funny. I'll admit this made me laugh *Smile*

*Bursto*Characters
Your personality shone through this little piece of yours. Your sarcastic humour especially made this a enjoyable little monologue. You have a very interesting perspective of the things that happen around you - creative indeed since you spun up this entire piece based on a simple saying. The best part of it all was that he didn't mean it literally either - he was ribbing you just as you did with this piece. Really good comeback *Bigsmile*

*Bursto*Descriptions and dialogue
Your description of the wall was more than sufficient - I like that you didn't stray too much into show for this, depending instead on the narrative to carry the story forward. Even better was using the little details - from the way you could've wallpapered it to the trophies - to explore what the wall meant to you.

*Burstr*Style of writing
Your POV is First person
Your Tense is Past

Narrative, sarcastic, clear, simple and direct

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
None I could find! Trust me, I read this thrice - good job proofreading your work! *Cool*

*BurstO*Favourite part
Can I say all of it? Your humour and the seriousness about the whole thing was simply epic *Bigsmile*

*Bursto*Final thoughts
Enjoyable humorous little read that was written and formatted very well. Whether or not it had a deeper meaning, I loved every line. Thank you for sharing - good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *Coingold*

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60
60
for entry "Camp" Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, my wandering friend
I read your journey's tales
Whimsically amusing
And pleasantly confusing
I enjoyed them all the same
Oh, how I wish I could join you
And walk on a forest trail *Smile*

(I got bored of doing normal reviews for you, Professor *Laugh*)

-TG *Suitspade*


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61
61
Review of Fingerprints  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* Happy WDC Account Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeB*


Hello, Madi Author Icon I dropped by your port to give you an Anniversary review and I got so much more than I bargained for. This is a really, really good story - why you ask me? Because it didn't read like a story. Your tone has such confidence, such conviction, that I didn't for a moment doubt you were telling a true account. Despite the fact that I'd found this in your fiction folder, I actually spent a good fifteen minutes on google trying to research this - the way you stated everything with such assurance and matter-of-factness was brilliant. I've reviewed some eight odd pieces today (and they were all really good) - but this took the cake. Normally, I'd just pull out a template and type away. But I truly wanted to congratulate you on a job well done, though I maybe more than 6 years late. This is what fiction should be about - you've made the reader believe your story, entirely. Your statement about religion was spot-on, and that last line was beautiful.

Thank you for making my day. It's authors like you that make WDC rock. Happy Anniversary and I hope you have many, many more to come.

TG *Suitspade*

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62
62
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello Jenna Toler Author Icon I saw your piece "Music can change the world" Open in new Window. in the Newbie page. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your piece.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*Story
Your story is taken from experience. After a tragedy occurred, you found it very difficult to cope and find joy. But that changed when you went to a concert and music became your go-to to find happiness when there's a lack of it.

I've been addicted to music for a long, long time *Smile* Whether I'm happy or sad, angry or at peace, music's my own personal sanctuary. I'm glad you've found that in your life as well. Your story itself was uplifting and explained nicely how music came to mean what it is to you now.

*BurstB*Descriptions and dialogue
I love how you hinted at everything that happened that night without drowning in the details. It gives good balance for a real life story when all the aspects - not just the physical touch-look-see of it is explained in the piece. I came here expecting to find an essay - I'm leaving happily surprised that I found a good story in it.

*BurstG*Style of writing
POV - First person
Tense - Past

Narrative, clear, direct and easy to understand.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
No errors, but I have a suggestion regarding the formatting.
During your next edit, below the text area, there's a menu called "advanced options". Check the "double space paragraphs" option. For a shorter story, this gives a cleaner, neater appearance and makes it easier on the eyes for your readers.

*BurstO*Favourite line
"...is not only an incredible artist, but a hero"

We all have someone like that we constantly listen to who help us out of our problems though they may never know it. By the way your title's from Beethoven, isn't it? *Heart* *Smile*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
I loved this story. Very beautiful, nicely written and it had great execution. I'm glad to welcome yet another talented author to our community *Smile* Thank you for sharing!
(If you're interested in writing music based stories, check out my contest : "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. *Smile*)

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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63
63
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Bonnie Author Icon! With this review of your piece "The Best Ghoul Ever" Open in new Window., I'm finishing off your order at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. (But do feel free to stay in touch with me *Smile* - in fact, I insist. I'd love to have more cat talk with you *Bigsmile*)

Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your work.

That being said, here's my review :

*BurstV*Story/Subject
Your story is about a family whose son has been abducted. Through all the pain they've been feeling, after five years now they're celebrating Halloween. Marnie recognises one of their guests and it turns out to be their long lost son.

This truly is a chilling aspect to explore. I can't imagine what those parents go through - it must be pure hell not knowing whether or not their child is alright or in pain or even alive. I truly feel for them - no one should have that fate cast on them.

*BurstB*Characters
I believe you could explore more here. I understand that the parents must be devastated from the descriptions given - a little more toward their characterisation would work better. (Just my opinion here.)

*BurstB*Descriptions and dialogue
I understand you're working under a word limit? The descriptions thus far were accurate and painted a set scene - only needs a little more on the characterisation front.

*BurstG*Writing style
POV - Third person
Tense - Past

Straightforward and easy to understand.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
or tr-eaters - Typo. or treaters

Brad, continually on edge wondering how the - Missing word. Brad, continually on edge was wondering how the

He had to take this job move, maybe it was time, acceptance - I'm sorry, I couldn't understand this. Fragment? Please consider rewording it.

*BurstO*Favourite line
Days later the newspaper headlines read, “Mom Finds Abducted Son after Five Years”

If only all such stories ended that way in real life. (Sooner is better of course. But there are worse - way worse - outcomes.)

*BurstR*Final thoughts
Heart warming story that ended on a good note. Emotional and tragic but gives us all a ray of hope at the end. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG*SuitClub*

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Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bonnie Author Icon! I’m reviewing your piece "Potential Problem on the Freeway" Open in new Window. for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your work.

My review :

*BurstV*Story
Your story is about a woman who has to host a welcoming party for her new neighbours. Unfortunately, she's stuck in traffic. While she's caught up, she notices a man and his wife in a Lexus who are parked beside her. When traffic finally grinds forward, she gets home only to realise that the guy in the Lexus is her neighbour.

Loved this! Nice story, great ending - quite a lot to convey in a short space. Were you working under a limit? As for the plot line itself, such cosmic coincidences are always fun to read about - they make great story material in my opinion. *Smile*

*BurstB*Characters
Ana's impatience was endearing in a way - I especially liked her attitude about the whole thing. She was impatient but not in an angry, negative kind of way - spoke a lot about her character.
Just out of curiosity, who/what is Madam Butterfly? Was it a real butterfly? (Sorry, I was just terribly confused - why did she have a butterfly in her glove compartment?)

*BurstB*Descriptions and dialogue
I think a little more description would be nice. Your dialogues were fine, but if you're comfortable with editing it out of the current word limit, descriptions would be wonderful. Her car, her frustration, the guy, his wife - all those areas would benefit with some show.

*BurstG*Writing style
To the point, clear and simple in delivery. I like that you don't complicate things and keep them direct. Also loved the hint of humour - made everything more enjoyable.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
I believe this is a first draft. I encourage you to read your piece over once, just to see where corrections could be made.

She signed - Typo. She sighed.

had meet them - Tense. had met them

evening, see how the guys handles attention - Please try to see how the guy handled attention

Tapping her fingers on the wheel, her impatience growing.
Snatching a look at the Lexus, things were moving there.
These lines are fragmented. Please consider rewording them.

*BurstO*Favourite line
I do need to get home this millennium.

Not only is this a great hook, it's definitely something I'd think when I'm running late *Bigsmile*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
Wonderful short story with a great ending. I loved your humour and the way you brought everything together at the end. Thank you for sharing!

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG*SuitClub*

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Review of My Friend (At 8)  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Geoff Author Icon! I know you wanted me to review without a template - I don't mind, but it sounds pretty flat and unpolished when I strip it down to the bare essentials *Bigsmile* So well, here goes -

*StarfishB* Am I right in assuming that these are just random musings of memories past? I see no set story, just a recollection of incidents.

*StarfishB* I understood from this that the protagonist was playing hide and seek or such and he found his friend's dead mother instead.

*StarfishB* I like your variety of philosophy - very in sync with my rambling, though yours certainly sounds more eloquent. *Bigsmile*

*StarfishB* The hamster is the boy's most treasured possession - his entire world, even. For a child at such an impressionable age, I can understand how important a pet can be.

*StarfishB* Nostalgia - nailed it. Whether it was 1956 or 2003, we all did dig a hole and pretend it made its way to the other side of the world.

*StarfishB* Overall, this piece hinted at a slightly darker childhood. Good premise - certainly worth expanding if you consider it. I found no typos, but there are quite a few fragments that could be strung together to tighten the tone. No biggie - still reads fine and I liked the feels I got from this one. Thank you for sharing!

Have a great day!


-TG *Suitspade*

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Review of Letter to my Dad  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello FiFi Author Icon! I'm reviewing your piece The Letter to my Dad for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Review Raid. I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your piece.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*Subject
Your letter is one addressed to your late father. My sincerest, heartfelt regards - God rest his soul. You mention that you never got to say goodbye to him and that all you hope is that he was proud of you. *Heart*

*BurstB*Imagery/Emotions
Very touching - it truly is sad that he lost his fight against cancer. You're right - he's definitely in a better place (we can only hope the same for all our loved ones who've passed away.)

*BurstG*Style of writing
Easy to understand, emotional and down-to-earth.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
but its a - "its" is a possessive. Use a contraction here but it's a

need taking anywhere - I think you mean need to be taken anywhere

*BurstO*Favourite line
I am now trying to step into your huge shoes and help our family in the ways that you did.

It's not in my place to say this because I don't know you at all. But I feel just for the effort, your father would be incredibly proud of you.

*BurstR*Final thoughts
Lovely, touching letter with beautiful emotions. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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Review of Remnants  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello uCan'tHaveMyFoodstamps Author Icon! I saw your piece Remnants in the Newbie page. Here are my thoughts on your piece. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your piece.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*Story
Your poem is about the damned souls, describing their descent into the underworld. I generally fall flat dark poetry - you had me hooked from the very first line. *Bigsmile*

*BurstB*Imagery
Every aspect of their dark experience is described in vivid detail - you've made good use of your words to paint not only a picture, but give the entire setting of being on a one way journey to hell.

*BurstB*Form
Poetic prose. There's no definite rhyme scheme - though I'd suggest grouping the entire thing together rather than breaking it off in paragraphs. (Also regarding formatting, check the double space option below the text area - this comes under advanced settings.) Just felt it would read better because some sentences have been continued in the new paragraphs - and the current formatting kinda chops them off.

*BurstG*Style of writing
Descriptive and narrative (which is awesome, especially considering that this poetry *Bigsmile*)

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
who flooded - Just felt that souls themselves would classify as things not as people. Hence I'd suggest that flooded.

Burnt to ash - A small pet peeve. Since you mention that there are souls being burnt, I thought it would sound better as Burnt to ashes

*BurstO*Favourite line
The man in the moon kept watch
of these souls,
who flooded the river, Styx
trading currency for torment

I loved how you infuse mythology in these lines. It intrigued me early on to continue reading to see where this would go.

*BurstR*Final thoughts
All hail dark poetry *Bigsmile* This was very well written and I enjoyed it very much - I hope to read some of your prose someday, I'm sure you're going to make a brilliant author as well *Smile* Thank you for sharing!

(PS - If there are typos in this review, my sincerest apologies. I'm usually short on time and I almost never get time to proofread. I'll try my best not to make mistakes, but well, I'm human...)

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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68
Review of Ocean Fun  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello samantha Author Icon! I saw your piece Ocean fun in the Newbie page. Here are my thoughts on your piece. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your piece.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*Story/Subject
Your poem is about a day at the beach. I love that every line starts with "she screeched" for a different reason every time. Sometimes it is happiness but in the end it's because she feels sad that she's leaving. Adorable kid *Smile*

*BurstB*Imagery/Emotions
I pictured a child of about six to seven. The setting was clearly explained through her eyes.

*BurstB*Form
Free verse but it's interesting how you've used repetition in the beginning of each line. That gave it structure, but it's still free verse - intriguing paradox *Smile*

*BurstG*Style of writing
Clear and descriptive

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
Only one suggestion

when then the heat touched her feet. - This line is repeated. Maybe intentionally, but I'm wired to point out when I find repetition. Could you add a different line, by any chance? More closure for people like me *Bigsmile*

*BurstO*Favourite line
The whole thing *Heart*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
Cute poem about a day spent at the beach. You have a gift for descriptions, Sammie *Smile* Thank you for sharing!

(PS - If there are typos in this review, my sincerest apologies. I'm usually short on time and I almost never get time to proofread. I'll try my best not to make mistakes, but well, I'm human...)

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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Review of The Base Race  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello Jack Club Author Icon! I'm reviewing your piece The Base Race for The 48 Hour Read and Review Challenge. Here are my thoughts on your piece. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your piece.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*Subject
Your poem is about baseball and the excitement involved in the game. I'll confess I don't know much about it (I'm not from the USA), but it sounds very interesting. You explained the anticipation and excitement that comes with playing any sport - particularly in your case, baseball.

*BurstB*Emotions/Imagery
I could picture your every move. Great job!

*BurstB*Form
Your poem is free verse - it read like poetic prose. From what I could see, this has the makings of being transformed into flash fiction - it would be an interesting exercise if you're up for it.

*BurstG*Style of writing
Clear, simple and easy to understand

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
None I could find. Not even with punctuation. Respect *Cool*

*BurstO*Favourite line
Sliding in quick and hard.
That's how I won the base race.

I like the last part because it gives off a sense of fulfilment and victory.

*BurstR*Final thoughts
Interesting poem about a beloved sport. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing!

(PS - If there are typos in this review, my sincerest apologies. I'm usually short on time and I almost never get time to proofread. I'll try my best not to make mistakes, but well, I'm human...)

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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Review of I Once Loved  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello JACE Author Icon! I'm Tabitha and it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m came across your piece I Once Loved by some cosmic coincidence - or well, my cat-like curiosity to raid other people's ports *Bigsmile*. Here are my thoughts on your work. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*Subject / story
Your poem is about the things in life you've loved. At first it was the freedom of doing anything you liked which later morphed into the love of your job. Further on it becomes the love of a girl who left - my sympathies on the last part. While the first two are incredibly rewarding ventures, unfortunately sometimes we face losses when loving people.

*BurstB*Character / Emotion
Your poem portrays a young man who is a wild spirit. His attachment to both his freedom and his work is made exceptionally clear.

*BurstB*Form / Flow
Free verse. Your poem told a story and it had good flow and coherence.

*BurstG*Style of writing
Clear, simple and easy to understand.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
None I could find.

*BurstO*Favourite line
I married and raised a family
and discovered the two didn't mix.

Isn't that the truth *Bigsmile*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
I'm very, very new to poetry, but I enjoyed this piece a lot and I felt I had to share my thoughts. Though I'm approximately 4 years late, my congratulations on a poem, well-written and well-executed. Thank you for sharing!

(PS - If there are typos in this review, my sincerest apologies. I'm usually short on time and I almost never get time to proofread. I'll try my best not to make mistakes, but well, I'm human...)

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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71
71
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello thedawaring Author Icon! I saw your piece Sunset through the window in the Newbie page. Here are my thoughts on your piece. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your piece.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*The story
Your story - rather, I believe this is a descriptive sample or monologue - is about the scene outside your window. The setting sun has put you in a mood for philosophical musings and your perspective of heaven on earth is intriguing.

*BurstB*Descriptions
Loved them! You have a lot of show going on here and I could clearly picture the scene in my head.

*BurstG*Style of writing
Descriptive, explanatory and clear.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
Screech as usually - One issue was the capitalisation which you don't require. Also I believe it should be, screech as it usually

wind hissing softly passed my face - this bit sounded fragmented and it had too many verbs to clearly describe what was happening. May I suggest rewording it?

*BurstO*Favourite line
Then my heart was filled with joy which to describe, I don't see potent enough words in human language.
Yet, you managed to have found them, my friend *Bigsmile*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
This was a nice, very realistic piece that dragged me into your scene. Your views about peace and noticing our world were also very meaningful. Thank you for sharing!

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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72
72
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hello Ambreena Author Icon and welcome to WDC! I saw your piece Daughters Born To Bear in the Newbie page. Here are my thoughts on your piece. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say about your piece.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*Subject
Your poem is about daughters - women, in general. How they grow up dreaming and all the struggles and sacrifices they go through.

*BurstB*What I felt
What you said was absolutely true. This poem has a deep meaning - our day dreams are but shattered by a single blow.

*BurstB*Form
Your poem has a definite rhyme scheme. I applaud your effort at structured poetry.

*BurstG*Style of writing
Dramatic, mostly with a passive voice but easy enough to understand.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
fantacy - Spelling. fantasy

parents their - Punctuation. parents, their

laughters are - Laughter is plural in itself. May I suggest laughter is?


*BurstO*Favourite line
Divine Lord smiles and all He does hear;
He created fairies called daughters, born to bear. *Heart*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
This was beautiful piece about women. It had evoked many emotions and it was relatable. Thank you for sharing!

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

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73
73
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello N. Alawadi Author Icon! I'm Tabitha and it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m reviewing your piece Limits, Chapter 1: Meets the eye for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Here are my thoughts on your work. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*The story
The first chapter starts with your protagonist getting in a fight over a girl. He gets suspended by his principal, though he doesn't seem to bothered about it. Now he goes home, and you explain that he's poor and his familial situation is dismal. He leaves and meets up with his friends, smoking and hitting on the girl he met that morning. You also mention that this is sort of his usual routine - a normal day for Laith.

I like that your story starts with a lot of vivid show - it evoked sympathy which slowly got more profound as you explained his background. Your storyline for this chapter explain his character and how his life has affected him. This is a really good start - you've shown us a day in the life of your character and you've set the scene.

*BurstB*The characters
Laith's gotten into some bad stuff because of his life story. He doesn't really care about his parents and he's embarrassed about his background. On the other hand, I can see he doesn't like listening to anyone. I'd pin him as a sixteen or seventeen year old rebellious teenager.

*BurstB*Descriptions and dialogue
Both were very good, down-to-earth and had excellent balance. You have a natural ability to give realistic descriptions. Wonderful job!

*BurstG*Style of writing
POV - First Person
Tense - Past

Clear and easy to understand. Your flow was also very good - I see no interruptions or faults with your formatting.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos

There were quite a few issues with the punctuation (usually I don't mention this - but your piece had a number of them.)

invite us over, are you hiding something?” - Should be invite us over. Are you hiding something?”

internet cafe It was - Missing fullstop. internet cafe. It was

their right side, that played Arabic - Comma is unnecessary here.

a flavored tobacco,. - Typo. There shouldn't be a comma.

Other than that, two other errors I noticed :

pick me up that would be embarrassing - I believe it should be pick me up because that would be embarrassing

another richer - I don't think you need another here. (Just a suggestion to simplify your tone.)


*BurstO*Favourite line

Little did I know then, that this tiny moment would change my life. - because I'm waiting for more. *Smile*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
This is a wonderful first chapter - you've got the reader's curiosity aroused and asking questions. Your piece made me empathise with your character - a really good sign that you've managed this so early on. Other than that, it was well-written and I'd definitely read more of this. It was my pleasure reviewing you. Thank you for sharing!

(PS - If there are typos in this review, my sincerest apologies. I'm usually short on time and I almost never get time to proofread. I'll try my best not to make mistakes, but well, I'm human...)

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

Check out my contest:

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2040560 by Not Available.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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74
Review of Dr. Ruth  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Geoff Author Icon! Thank you for requesting a review of your piece, Dr. Ruth. Here are my thoughts on your work. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*The story

Your story is about a psychotic man who reads too much into the actions of others and acts on his impulses. During the first meeting, he feels the psychiatrist was flirting with him, when the fact is, she finds these visits depressing. I can only understand that after that he ends up killing women through his skewered perception and now he wants to kill himself because he feels he should avenge them. The other reason would be that if he doesn't commit suicide, the government would kill him which he feels isn't fair because only people - rather persons, individually - are entitled to revenge.

And I have sooo many questions here. After carefully reading your story a third time, I understood that in fact he was talking to Dr. Devin. Does that mean he killed Ruth - is she one of 'those women'? Does he end up killing the women he meets because they don't reciprocate his affection? If so, I think this is a really good plot line - it's intelligent in that it made me reconsider it before I understood the whole meaning.

*BurstB*The characters
If what I assumed is right, then Rich reads too much into other people's actions and ends up killing them - and later, regrets it and takes it upon himself to avenge them. He's definitely psychotic - he's got the serial killer mindset, though it doesn't seem apparent at first. He can think clearly - even philosophically - yet his actions are reckless and dangerous.

*BurstB*Descriptions and dialogue
Descriptions - More please. And not just on the 'show' side of things. I believe you need to explain a little more to make your plot clearer. The descriptions you have thus far are really good - so I don't think that should be a problem for you.
Dialogues - They cleared up some of the confusion, so they get a lot of points.

*BurstG*Style of writing
POV - Third person
Tense - Past

The writing itself was easy to understand. Simple sentences with good flow in the first half. There's only one line of Ruth's dialogue - I suggest italicising or spacing that line out from the other two halves to distinguish it.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos

That's good Rich - Punctuation. That's good, Rich

the minds of others - He can read minds?!? *Bigsmile* I think you mean the expressions of others or "actions" would work well too.

your talking - I think you need you're talking here.


*BurstO*Favourite line
"I don't think government has the right to kill people. I believe killing is wrong. But individuals have emotions. They need revenge. They should have revenge."

Call me twisted, but I agree with him all the way there.

*BurstR*Final thoughts
This has the potential of being a great story. I believe with just a little formatting and a few more explanatory paragraphs you could work wonders. The story is in itself good - had me rooting for a psychopath at the end. (Good for you *Bigsmile*) All kidding aside, your story is really interesting - it made me think. It's always a pleasure reviewing for you - I hope I've been of some help. Thank you for sharing!

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

(PS - If there are typos in this review, my sincerest apologies. I'm usually short on time and I almost never get time to proofread. I'll try my best not to make mistakes, but well, I'm human...)

-TG *SuitClub*

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75
75
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello ! I'm Tabitha and it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m reviewing your piece for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Here are my thoughts on your work. Please note that I claim to be neither a good author nor reviewer. You can ignore anything I say if you don’t like it - it is after all your piece. The joy of writing is that you are the author and you have the final say.

That being said, here is my review :

*BurstV*The subject
Your letter is addressed to the soldiers serving in the US Army. You also describe your life in your letter and you're thankful to the soldiers for their sacrifice to preserve that lifestyle and freedom.

My dad served in the army before I was born - he used to tell me a lot of war stories. I'm truly glad he returned with his life and I'll always be grateful for the service and sacrifice every nation's soldiers render to their nation *Salute*

*BurstB*Descriptions
Your lifestyle seems very peaceful! Must be a nice break away from the bustle of city life. We're avid animal lovers, as well - my grandparents have a lot of goats and rabbits. The descriptions here give me a strong feeling of nostalgia - very well done.

*BurstG*Style of writing
First Person, narrative

Very clear, and straight forward. I especially loved your formatting to make it look like a letter typed from a typewriter.

*BurstO*Errors/Typos
Just two pet peeves:

as any wild animal - Might sound better if you used such as a wild animal

fighting so bravely over - May I suggest bravely for (I believe we can't fight over freedom. We can fight for it, though.)


*BurstO*Favourite line
Just remember you are not alone, God is watching over you. *Heart*

*BurstR*Final thoughts
Salutes all around, Mrs. Jeanie! Wonderful letter. I'm sure any soldier would appreciate receiving this during the war - it would definitely light up their day to know that we care so deeply about them. There were such strong emotions conveyed through this piece - thank you for sharing!

(PS - If there are typos in this review, my sincerest apologies. I'm usually short on time and I almost never get time to proofread. I'll try my best not to make mistakes, but well, I'm human...)

Good luck with your writing and have a great day!

-TG *SuitClub*

Check out my contest:

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2040560 by Not Available.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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