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401
401
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Sept 17, 2007 == Monday
Hello C J Sayer:

Your title: WITCH LAW is captivating.

Posting on Auto Rewards un-edited is a bit rough then, right?

Needless, thoughts overtake this revver who is asked to simply read or act as a reader not a rater.

Okay. The intro of museum/ artifact/ thief is intriguing.

Delivery should follow for a good plot.

HOWEVER: encounter the following, thus please move onto:

 THE SUGGESTIONS:

FICTION WRITERS HINT: Think of verbs or nouns as fitting nicely into a crossword puzzle. Brief -- tells the tale.

At: "without needing to be prompted --- to sevre a drink -- try without hesitation.

AT: "she was in." === try to cut down here, a bi === the first room where dusty walls -- can drop white, for who cares about the color of a creepy cellar's walls -- really?

Less perfect tense might do this chapter a font of space to supply excellent choices for adverbs to tell the tale.

My goodness so many she's == how can the author change this? Hmmm?

On another edit -- oh the next, apporaching, anticipated edit -- perhaps edit away thats & hads.

Okay, robbery in progress -- during the chapter. How about less "door cracking" blow-by-blow?

Also, maybe bring the coven to the top for holding reader attention instead of a few mere paragraphs at the end.

Also: Can write : Work in progress so readrs know ahead of time.

Overall sum: creative plot apparent, potential improvement, if you change the item, let me know, shall take the second look.

Cordially: TEFF

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#1316025 by Not Available.


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402
402
Review of alone  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)


Your plea in the intro sounds so serious,
EM. Actually you are not alone since joining Writing.com. So a hardy welcome.

On site will be much to do this Fall Season. There'll be contests galore, forums to post on and lots of keene stuff to review.

So sit back and enjoy the passenger coach.

ALONE is just a litle sad and the poem almost looks like you forgot to finish it.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1296160 by Not Available.


Here's a neat contest: "Invalid Item" 

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403
403
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)


Welcome to W.C, Charles.

Autumn and Halloween will offer some fun times here on-site.

Your romance genre poem is filled with cliches which spell out the feelings of the first person narration.

REALIZATIONAL THOUGHTS, although a catchy title is a bit of a mouthful and does'nt cover any of the heartfelt lines the speaker announces for the object of friendship or romantic inclinations.

No matter but hopeful that there are many more poems to come our way soon.

Best luck in all future writing endeavors. Do WRITE ON!

Cordially, TEFF

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404
404
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

"Mr Peril offers BREAKFAST WITH SATAN, a great title which may draw readers to the piece. Here, first person narration takes a comedic walk toward demons which may rival witch lore by the end of next month. When Saton talks of the 'Taliban" and outlandishly devours an entire bottle of 'hot suace" readers will know without a conjurer's doubt they're in for one ribald ride."
Fiona T.Teffom // 9/16/07
"Invalid Item" 

Dear Mr. Peril, Pehaps a few things to re-address when you cadge a moment.

Frank is (?) A cook, a waiter? Or he is the speaker, the narrator? If the latter no sign of a switch from first person to third.

Also, note some repitition of same verbs --- probably for clairty but don't worry there. Readers shall probably absorb anything you wish to deliver. Suggest a few changes for 'make.'

Oh, and maybe surrender a few thats.

GOOD PLOT// CREATIVITY seems to flow so easily that this author might ask, even though I own a Jersey Devil story, my written creation ... "Now why didn't I think of this?" Plot appreciation as a short-story-ist, Peril.

Again-- LOVE, simply adore your title.

Five star based on content & creativity.
Thanks Mr. Peril and a might I extend a groovy welcome to WC.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#936894 by Not Available.


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405
405
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hey, Kare!

Moving right along, finding your poem ADVICE FOR AN ELECTRICIAN on Auto Rewards, page 3.

Oh, hon, this is neat.

Love: "two lives splice together."
Nice to see some present tense as opposed to time consuming perfect tenses, just a readers preference from this desk, Kare.

Love: "The static hairdo" Laughter at my morning table as this surely fits the topic in the above title.

Enjoyed your work very much this week.

Autumn's in the air carrying Nature's inspirational asides. Of course you will --- WRITE ON & ON!

Cordially, TEFFY

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1316025 by Not Available.
406
406
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


"With the first paragraph from BARGAIN BASEMENT BIN, a catchy title BTW, author, Kare Enga explains the situtation and sets the pace. Especially suppling who, when, why.

The: 'Old brick buildings in an old boom town' adds excellent setting detail as the author reveals for her readers == the where.

Ah, at the end of the prose/poetry piece written in 2004 .. readers are only a click away to discover the what pertaining to the character's origins in the slice-of-life tale."

Cordially, TEFF

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 Invalid Item 
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#1309806 by Not Available.
407
407
Review of I, Katrina  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


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Hello there Kare Enga:

What a poem! I, KATRINA also carries a dedication to a crisis director.

Imagine the lines here may have taken a bit of time to pull together.

One certainly sees the homework behind the crafting of this one. Since you include so much in poetry guise that it actually feels as if Katrina just made landfall this September instead of Sept 2005. Kare, oh my you bring back memories.

Hope we see more like this, on-the-scene category five stars ... from your desk to ours.

Cordially, TEFF

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This item number is not valid.
#1219652 by Not Available.
408
408
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

llllllllllllll

September 13, 2007
Morning: Come across a call for short stories & poetry onsite from FARSIDE ANTHOLOGY from an upcoming publisher.

No doubt intrigued as things fair poorly at

http://readingdesitny.highpowersites.com for Modesta Gamble. Anything Steering (U$) author$ to $ale$ for $hort $torie$ is good rift.

Silence envelopes "MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE"  yet plunging into the foray of editor of flash pieces, yesterday, today and tomorrow ... I come across a FARSIDE ANTHOLOGY submission from Sam Screwtape.

THE BUSINESS OF SPACE, flash genre requires a few basic pointers which journalists use daily.

Drop all excessive words is a slight edit MO for any author. This is stressed with a list of what words not to use in THE ELEMENTS OF STYE.

If an essay is 300 words only. Or a fiction piece of same length, ask your self, Sam, what words do I get over insisting typing alongside each verb entering the story. ???

AHAH! --- Have, had, has, started, turns, that ... ETC!!! Oh babycakes it goes on and on, I fear. We are never at the mercy of what we must say so readers "get it." We read very well, we get it --- so we say in our noggins to authors --- GO!

Sure after first drafts authors backtrack, clean up. Whatever floats the boat past first draft, sure.

Readers hate waiting usually.
THERE IS NO MUST BE WRITTEN THUSLY. NEVER!!!

Also, yesteday (9/12/07} a conversation took place between this humble revver, Miss Teffy (ME) creative writer and Eng. 101 TEACHER (PRETEND) and a member named Chuckles.

After revving three of his flashes, falling over with talent from his pen .. and saying much the same classroom type verberage for his works, I swirled with a new discovery of 3 great stories in a comfortable reading style. This is available on Public Rev Page by using search and our names, written in plum.

Chuck sent me a Merit Badge which reads

"For helpful, instructive reviews."

This means a kindness shared. Community. Author to author.

When Farside goes to press, Sam .. sure hope by then we re-address, the following easy edits, our styles, vocab, plots and write on & on, together, my friend.

Sam -- the fast reactions as reader/ correction-suggestion as Teacher Ms Teffy shall be included. Securing my notes from an offshore breeze at the picnic table .... Here it comes. Please don't think incoming tide. Ponder ... hints which will save you time, possibly improve the brief 300 words, supply better words of interest --- and develop a style that is so popular it will take you sox off, put them in the washer and hang 'em high.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll SIDEBAR lllllllllll

Composition 101 isn't written in a day --- going back ... ? huh did I hear 1514 in the back of the room?

Many writers are cadged into using past perfect tenses from schools & publishers who allow same in annual ficiton novels.
Not technically bad grammar, simply tiring. BEWARE! Readers may desert the read as a result. lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

IN CHRONOL ORDER

At: But why --- drop but

Use: I'm a business man

Describing the venture in THE BUSINESS OF SPACE by Sam Screwtape, a FARSIDE submission one reads the following:

"as usable."

TEFF: Suppose a guy's at a carlot. Car salesman goes -- "Hey this 92 jag is usable." What do you do?

Usable to sell a gig in outerspace reminds of flea markets where frying pans are usable. Simple visit a thesaurus, an easy edit.

had never planned -- try never anticipated

weren't willing -- unwilling or synonym

AT: "I have sources" -- Again with the have ...
try a boost here -- Authority-wise (?) an authors call. Maybe try: I offer ... We boast

If you invest you chance .. when reading this came to me as outlook for the gamble proposed. Your topic is hugely speculative. What kind of factories? Name a few things.

If commas are cowbells Sam you might need less cowbell in some places.

However, if truly in edit/ toss mood. Completely acceptabe to go with a cowbell for any prolific "ands." Remember cowbells here equal commas.

vocab: try claims, reluctant, extraordinary --- gather fabulous adjectives for SPACE!!

Here is the first major objection to stroy credebility. Always make it real not matter what, right?

"We have the designs ready, and waiting."
No cowbell nec before and

SNAG: designs -- ?? Later when you add to this story Sam perhaps tell more.

Thanks, enjoyed your plot, like you courage. For the two-man sales pitch am rating high.

See you at FARSIDE, Sam, already quered and may take the plunge.

Cordially, TEFF

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409
409
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

September 13, 2007

Sometime in 2005, W.C member and published author, Voxxy Lady began a group known as ON OUR OWN PUBLISHING which now claims 68 members.

The success of this venture is run and held together by the seams especially evident with umpteen newsletters. All the while Voxxy Lady's keeps group members alerted to the latest attempts and popular conditions that come with self-publishing ventures. The latter comes with tons of time and hard work.

Mark this item well my friends if publishing is your goal.

For here lies a great place for educational purposes on versified subjects.

Now about that forum .. uh oh .. lost something in my very own favorite files .. So Voxxy Lay, please give me a buzz and steer me straight to the action once more.

AHAH --- So we're (the group that is) is also invited to MY space and a link is provided. Be back soon, checking this link out ... HOlY Hannah Batman .. this is so incredibly ultra-cool.

Cordially, Fiona T. Teffom
"MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE" 

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410
410
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

9/11/07

Wonderful poem from the portfolio of L A Powell whose LANSING DIARIES are creating quite a stir on www.writing.com these days.

With FINDING TRUST (FULL VERSION) encounter several favorite lines already.

Love: "On that afternoon of natural surprises."

And: "Illusions Lock" Fabulous placement, L. A.

Write on, dear author, Write ON!

Cordially, TEFF

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#1286354 by Not Available.
411
411
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

SEPTEMBER ELEVENTH 2007

OH BOY! Not a single stipulation is often what makes an author feel free. This is very similar to no word limitations which pretty much made the Internet circuit prior to the popularity of flash fiction ... eh maybe about 200s/4.

Hold on ... gonna check that one ...

Ah yes there was a time when short stories were much longer than currently popularized low word counts today. SEE: THE WORLD OF THE SHORT STORY: SELECTED AND EDITED BY CLIFTON FADIMAN/ Houghton Mifflin Co. -- 1986

Any kind contest (-6.7 close down)  (E)
A contest for anything you want to submit
#1207632 by E.Jackalo- getin published?


Simply reminds this humble revver of those marvelous authors who crafted without word lengths in mind.
Anyone can still try this MO, kids.

Now, here in ANY KIND CONTESY you can submit any gem you want. Ah pure bliss. So gotta run and see what might be suitable from my PC. However, maybe a little homework first from the content pages of one staple (above) on Teffy's library shelf.

ANY KIND CONTESY is one GREAT IDEA!!!

Best to all contestants.

Cordially, TEFF

"In Munich are many men who look like weasels." Mark Helprin's opening sentence p 822.
412
412
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.5)

SEPTEMBER ELEVENTH 2007
"Invalid Item" 

M D Gagnon offers: DISTURBANCE IN BOSTON, a contest entry in "Invalid Item" 

Incidentally, Moon Beam's contest donates to ANGEL ARMY.

Miss Teff's reader/ author type reaction follows:

Indeed! "What's on the other side of the shade?"

Gagdon: PERHAPS ---Bring this forward to hook sentence if it fits and you like it for here is where the suspence begins.

proper -- edit to properly

First person narration explains good setting details throughout in "the center of Boston." Thank you, M D since setting is this author/ revver's middle name in choices to emulate in any fiction piece. VERY much Boston! Splendid!

So Boston's gone stillborn status as the character searches for "coffee" at "the cafe." On the scene observations of the bloody ... uh-oh ...

Look for "fantastic beasts" "bizarre" & "macabre." And the beasts?

Still the monster beat goes on. Good Luck in the contest. Keen read.

Cordially, TEFF

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This item number is not valid.
#1312574 by Not Available.
413
413
Review of Waiting In My Car  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.5)

Sometimes, Mars, tossing words and going straight for the original intent of a piece is certainly the proper thing to do. Is it not?

Here you capture those clouds for readers from the car windows, no doubt.

Good write. Poetry ON!

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SOUL CAFE ANTHOLOGY c/1994/1999  (18+)
Early poems written in my college days & for Soul Cafe, a read aloud poetry group.
#983036 by April Sunday
414
414
Review of Greys  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

"Welcome to www.writing.com, Philicia. Wow what a pretty name. Your poem GREYS has a fine ending for the blues if that is your intnet. Then you cleared the line and come through with a fine presentation with overall good rhymes. Hopefully you will be one of the best who knows exactly how to POETRY ON!" April Sunday 9/10/07
415
415
Review of I must move on  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)

"Nadine Marie, a recent new member of www.writing.com crafts
I MUST MOVE ON, a poem in romantic genre. Very nice read, no snags for readers, punctuation and grammar firm. And that last line, Nadine ... how true." 9/10/07 April Sunday

Welcome to WC, dear author.

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This item number is not valid.
#1316025 by Not Available.
416
416
Review by April Sunday
Rated: ASR | (3.0)


Sept 10 2007

Uh ... hello .. Kamuria Wolf.

Since you join the train that is for reading/ writing and known as >>>>>>WC
perhaps you will consider going into members ports and reading while observing presentations of the many fine items here onsite.

A few edits for you brief story, posted
Sept 5.

Capital W for walking which opens your hook sentence.

caps for all Is
almot home == almost
luny == looney

Another tiny hint. When composing your items, you can restrict readers by hitting --- Keep Private for my Eyes Only.

Otherwise, I think your work automatically goes into different categories. In this case, since you are a new member SNOWY DEATH PART One went onto Read-A-Newbie Column, located in ITEM JUMPS.

Need anything, just give me a buzz. E-mail ---

April Sunday

417
417
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.0)

Sept 10 2007

The Thing about poetry is how versified the craft and genre surely measures in as so expressive. One encounters this here in OF WHAT A TINGLING TASTE IS TOUCH from WC poet, Firedude.

Love: "On sea of grass and hill of mirth" and "Time imbue."

Great blend of feeling throughout.
Thanks for posting.
Rhyme ON!

Cordially,

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Sig by Esprit

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#1312574 by Not Available.
418
418
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

Sept 10 2007

Don't, please don't tell me this is my pal & sister-author, Judity Buxton --- again with the taking over of Auto Rewards Page ONE!

{:blue} How prolific she is and each creation grand as usual.

Well, if you've just read Judy's latest post: HOSPITAL OF THE ANGELS no doubt you are like Miss Teff. Namely: stupefied with laughter.

Summary: a patient undergoes brain surgery then manages to come out alive with grace and fortitude while thoroughly experiencing a few quirky "side effects."

LOVE: Re: Mum "honestly ... trying to obey her ... caused a brain tumor." Perfect postition in hook paragraph! Sets the pace for comedy.

Fantastic quick ploys at Safeway & Dennys.

"Turtlehead" rocks!

Best, Sept ever, Ms Buxton .... oh my this is funn-neeee!

Your friend in fiction
April Sunday

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#1316025 by Not Available.
419
419
Review of The Haunted House  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)


April Sunday



"Still the house waited but nothing came ... " by ReptarRoar.

The above quote supplies a perfect setting detail in THE HAUNTED HOUSE by ReptarRoar on Read=A=Newbie Column located in ITEM JUMPS, posted today, Sept 9, 2007.

Dear author, we are but two days or less into the anniversary of the worst catastrophe in the USA a mere five years ago not caused by Mother Nature. Sorry, just a few thoughts.

Here are my notes:

Chrono Order:

Overall like par one

However, may choose to lighten by tossing its.

Sug: "beyond" the hills

Maybe toss : it sat on (local is evident)

can teeter or tippling fit this opening?

Use: time chipped (hey we know time is slow) Perhaps on a future edit, reconsider tossing had as in time had chippped ... do you see where I mean, RR?

Love: suffocating ... hold on misspell @
exuberance. Don't feel bad, Teffy lives with a dictionary at her elbow resting my weary head exuberantly dawn to dusk. Nah, kidding.

With: had been hung.

As reader/ author (etc) Recently refusing to continue reading several hardcover, c-2000 onward, best sellers using perfect tenses (I) often refer to:

HODGES' HARBRACE HANDBOOK:

"Sometimes the simple past can replace the past perfect."

Checking exuberantly -- want one L instinctively. Esprit, who sends me sigs ... should see how far this speller (me) learns writing after almost 1,600 rev sent ... since Oct 2004.

Short stories. Oh they take time. mmmm mmm

Holy Goodness. Looky here.

Ahah! From: WEBSTER'S NEW WORLD DICITONARY THIRD COLLEGE ED ...

"exergonic
exocarp
ex parte
extrinsically"

EXBURANTLY YOURS,

"MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE" 

Isn't writing fun? And reading .. ah so marvelous.

R -- dear author, Nice to meet you & a hardy welcome aboard the train that is >>>>>>>>>>WC

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420
420
Review of Flowers  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

Sept 9, 2007

{:rose} Hello, Aleena,

Your poem: FLOWERS just went up on READ-A-Newbie page, located in Item Jumps. A hearty welcome to WC


FLOWERS is wonderful, looks, reads, sounds excellent.

A few minor edits:

beauty === misspell in intro

Might drop "a" infront of bambino

Nile (?)

Lily, right? Absolutley lovely poetry.

Cordially,

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#1052690 by Not Available.
421
421
Review of Giving In  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Sept 9, 2007

Good morning *B*

After reading your item, FOR GIVING IN a poem placed on Sponsored Items the first glance at the title came with a tad of complexity.

By the end of the pen, do understand that you mean folding, surrendering or at a wild stretch accepting.

However, love the use of leaves falling which are just the greatest thing to watch from window or lawn chair or forest nook. Right?

Falling leaves compared with "scrambled words" enters the first stanza.

The font, although, hard to miss is just a little too large for Teff, but keep in mind no subtraction. Presentation on www.writing.com is certainly always up to the individual much like freedom of speech.

The best is yet to come. Teff (That's ME!)*** read with interest your bio. Now, must admit the advice you point out for authors or members there is taken to heart. Perhaps, I should join. I have time, some GP to toss around and am a fun seeker at heart. So a huge thanks for your generosity of thinking of others who visit at your place, B.

Oh, and congrats on your one year anniversary here on site.

Cordially,

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Sig by Esprit

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#938484 by Not Available.


for *** April Sunday (That's ME!)
is for guests and relatives primarily.

HATS OFF TO *B* !!!
422
422
Review of True Love's Heart  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)

Sept 9, 2007

Good morning, Post Modern Sleaze,

Amusing pen name BTW.

Reading your poem: TRUE LOVE'S HEART on Sponsored Items affords a brief whimsical return to St. Valentine's Day, actually.

So do consider when Feb's fair season comes around and snow lays white ground swells as far as the eye can see ... that YOU, dear poet might consider placing this poem into any poetry contests seeking such romantic entries.

Meanwhile, sure we've Autumn and we're both here where leaves are soon turning, my friend.

Of: "When arrows fall from Cupid's grasp" is certainly an expressive line which sounds good.

However, perhaps a second look as in lieu of re-editing at:

"Let's not who love may have for him ..."
(Huh?)

Near conclusion: " ... will never true love see ...." Never?

Suggeston: simply re-examine incase you wrote the opposite of your intended word usage.

Best luck in all future writing endeavors, dear author as you shall probably with creative energy WRITE ON!

Cordially,

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 TWIN GIRLS / POEMS about Gwin & May  (13+)
Itsby, bitsy spider went up the bedroom wall where two ladies sleep ...
#934432 by April Sunday
423
423
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

Sept 7, 2007

Oh, Kristen, so glad to find this today. I, too, once enjoyed the beach partol for turtle nests.

And yes, in daylight hours the gulls simply swarm. And at night, one may ask --- don't these predators ever sleep?

Love: the first person narrator listening beside the Ocean with:

"Sound rises like the rush of an underground stream." Oh, boy!

You are right to bill this as educational/ nature/ enviroment genre.

Personally, only saw one once in the Ocean, from the end of an NC pier. That sea turtle was a black as pitch and as big as a kitchen chair.

Much thanks for including the sea turtles sad curse of mankind. Namely: the bright lights they swim toward to lay the eggs when instinct points them toward the moon.

Those lights are still being debated along the coast. Besides who can't use a flashlight or car headlights to steer ourselves safely home.

Wonderful read. Highly recommended with a superb intro.

Kristen, say, I know. You should really consider publishing this one.

COASTEL might be interested or The Gammy News.

Cordially, April Sunday

HATS OFF TO KIRSTEN FOR:
SWIMMING THROUGH A SANDY SEA.

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#1316025 by Not Available.
424
424
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Thurs, 9/6/7

Memo: Author to Author:
Hi Howler, how you doing?

Found: DOLVO SECURITIES CH 2 on AR (Auto Rewards) and am simply flabbergasted by what plot/ genre you proceed to undertake.


My rev has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 

 Dolvo Securities is undersiege from unknown terroristic assailants.

Revving, another descriptive, believable, realistic adventure/ thriller chapter from this author before was adequately recieved.

So glad to see that in Howler's portfolio this is indeed an ongoing prolific novel enfolding before all of W.C and our welcome guests.

Note, this month creativity rains supreme upon our souls.

Alas, dear author it is with a heavy heart that included in this five-star grade comes a few superficial re-edits.

Of course, when these fit and if you wish to correct same, that is a given thus entirely up to you. Sure every writer loves the edit point correctamundo side of any rev.

Howler, darlin

From shorthand notes, a picnic table in NC beneath torrential rain from my beach umbrella to yours also giving in chonological order reader reaction from April Sunday "TEFF'S MERIT BADGES" 



CHRONO ORDER:

Opening line: "What have we got?" Torrance yells. ==== Perfect automatically says present tense action.

walking thru fifth floor corriders .... my my a huge building ..... from Teff

others plural == chickens. Do you see where I mean? ... par. 1 typo

OF: DOLVO uniforms -- yes this provides visual, OCEANS 11 comes to mind ... even better ...

Using uniforms --- Shows very good attribute in details of plot as now bad guys blend with crowds.

Difficult as an author to attempt crowds of this proportion ... So HOWLER'S a daring author.

Of: use of IED === realistic in popular newspapers and blogs, puts readers feet on the ground.

Of: "IED" is action, right away in second paragraph thus continues the novel from Chapter ONE! Achievement no snag --- ten plus star, allright?

had formulated (?) When Howler uses "within seconds" Suggest fomulates

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
SIDEBAR: HARCOURT REF: -- an author, any author may use past tense for past perfect.
Plus here's an observation about when we actually draft a chapter for the first time. Tendancy to use past tense as the paragraph that gee whiz a minute ago(?) got written is no argument for "within seconds." Or one may insult the reader for not knowing it happened merely a few seconds ago ... which is silly. lllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Reverse sentence to: Shouting into her headset ...

Mary's quote -- you say ... "Mary said in Spanish ..."

Stop!

Teff observation on writing well. Here, even if one calls a Spanish teacher, don't be a snob. Or later ask someone to write this quote for you in de Espanol. This adds authenticity while pleasing mucho readers, amigo.

had been === was === prior to 9-11

Of: SEPT IIth === Use it if any tie-in comes your way ... court publishers the entire time you write, dear, dear, Howler.

Howler, novelist to novelist ... when you seek a novelist's break .. try or retry Lawrence Sanders of TENTH COMMANDEMENT fame. Yes, Sanders, a Brooklyn, marine tackled a similar plot to DOLVO SECURITIES in his first novel: "THE ANDERSON TAPES" tapes (1970). Of course all gifted revvers reading PRP already are aware, no doubt (hee hee)

THE ANDERSON TAPES plot follows the robbery of a luxury apartment building. Also a grand master of sentence frags is Lawrence Sanders. Makes me want to go to the library myself and rent one of over thrity novels by this famous author.

So, if publication is your bag .. have the world of fun with this one, dear novelist.
Stay the course.

Cordially:

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{cc:blue} On spot rev, gotta run, shrimp boat's landed. Wink!
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Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
April Sunday
Following: a reaction to what is read type/ rev and comments on same.

Dear Ennazus,

Might I share something with you? I felt this way before too, also reared Catholic by the ear led to 6:30 Mass on Sunday, despite cold winters. Marrying a non-sectarian RC changed all that, and despite this confession, I stayed warmly abed for many years on Sunday mornings.

You are right to search and right to "live by the Golden Rule." Maybe we all do in a sense even with standards of a by-gone era breaking down around us ala civil rights, congressional twists, unjust wars, finanacially broke cities, etc. (Teff's observations -- not the author's above.)

What you offer here, dear, dear author in AM I GOING UP, DOWN OR NOWHERE? is perhaps a turning point on your writing talents.

Not a thing wrong with that. Creativity is the in-thing as noted on
 MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE  (18+)
LIFE TOPICS WELCOME/ posts/writing tips/ a record/crt2005
#924861 by April Sunday


This {freedom of what to write, how to write, creativity ... we have; this none can take or rob from us. The source of ourselves as far as authorship goes.

As far as the great chef goes, he also has talents. As far as the children, we see and laud their talents. For you to end this piece, E with those kids in mind ... shows how well you indeed live by the golden rules.

Thanks, in times of stress, when those all around will not recognize achievements rendered for maybe idiotic reasons of their own, one needs a major boost like this essay. One goes to work and is put down. One passes a tractor-trailer at 80 mph and the driver honks. Naturally, we encounter non-aprooval everywhere, dear audience and to Ennazus, our current author being reviewed. But how can there be the easy as pie, do or scatter, non-approval here?

Not in this article where sharing beliefs and daily life is the name of the game.

Best luck in all future writing endeavors, dear Ennazus.

Cordially,

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