Reading with interest you short story, a contest enty, I believe, AUGUST 26, 1883
it seems amazing to me how much information you cast about in this story.
And the information, rendered in Buxton style is itself amazing.
The story of a volcano erupting and a young lady who bears witness all amount to a huge WOW!
ATTENTION === Good write, good read! So for the audience who are JA Buxton fans --- here's another one from our gal, Judity.
Cordially: TEFF
PS --- Got a ribbon for this one, but haven't seen the winners list yet.
Hey Miss Buxton, do you happen to know where it might be? And as I said about a month ago, so glad to see you entering contests on-site. Good Luck.
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Reading your personal/ experience genre essay there comes to mind a tough reason for sadness which you portray in this piece.
Due to failing health concerns which the author includes in this first person narration then takes on a blow-by-blow chronological time table of events.
Of the lost job, the decrease in funds, the medical concerns and finally the children moving to the ex for bettr care all tumultuously leave the reader (myself) aghast.
Yet, the writer of the piece refuses to "whine." Courage is the name of the game after all. Bravo there, Potter.
A few simple corrections:
atleast --- at least
Of { or [ you probably want parenthesis. ( )
Also in the paragraph where these are used, you might want to just break into separate subjects.
Of the good "friend" love your line here. Namely: " ... decide to take a dive. Hope he'll catch me."
Ah, aren't we all after all just the romantically inclined. GOOD LUCK with the novel, also.
Cordially, TEFF
Here's something to cheer you, Skye.
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Reading your enjoyable story DOVOLO SECURITIES can only say how impressive the story of a working mother and business owner really does come off very well.
The part with the two kids in tow, only adds to the realism of daily life.
Perhaps-- A == To be continued at the end.
or Work in Progress (unsure)
A few minor corrections (no subtractions in rate)
capital C -- Chad
holes -- hole (maybe)
Loor as sitting --- typo
they she be carried (that)
Nice work, intersting details of the modern world outside the window. Very good!
Strong conlusion evident.
Cordially, TEFF
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Typical is it not to carry the feel of the big city straight to the park bench?
Writing.com author,
L Edward Carrol does so expertly with the knowledge of an adept writer on the scene.
When the "old man" does not look up or say thanks, we aren't really surprised are we? No, this is part of society. Namely: to see one in instant need and shell out a few bucks accordingly.
Thanks for this flash/ essay, Mr Carrol.
Which only goes to show, YES as authors we glean much from physical observation for setting and theme.
Think I'll take a morning walk and compliment some flower gardens along the way.
Rating Five Star purely on content.
(Plus found no errors in the least.) Content being the creativity authors draw upon each time they write, or they may, at least. Highly recommend creativity nor on-the-scene stories be overlooked for quality content of same.
Author, Samile brings back the first person narrator and Chief in GUILTY.
Searching for Chief to address this speaker by name but do not find.
Apparently, radio duty is the name of the game today in GUILTY for the character ___________. While Chief gives advise on moreorless not wanting to rush into war.
War, here an unknown geographical detail for readers. Yet, carrying on all the same with a decent write. Perhaps a compostition where genre is adhered to.
Cordially, TEFF
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Stirring scrambled eggs, up the house ... find a title which really grabs ... A good title is exactly what pulls in readers.
SAVED BY ONE OF MY STUDENTS from the pen of Ennazus is a great comedy piece.
Here, a fellow, first person narration, rides a motorcycle up a dirt driveway, confronted by a snake.
Humur ensues --- and since Miss Teffy loves to laugh --- a brief prelude to the clincher.
Finding a willing axe in the shed, is a lot like the detective who is stunned to discover he has a set of lock picks in his pocket. This part went very smoothly, Ennnazus.
Surely, destroying a snake on a country road via "axe" is not uncommon.
The author writes: "Poor snake didn't have a chance. There it lay. All six pieces of it."
"With A PROMISE IN THE COLD, writing.com author/ Samile pens a tale of a conversation on guard patrol in an unidentified desert location. This is believable, and pertient in a war torn horizon. In fact the writing itself and dialogue are riveting. Good JOB!" April Sunday
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"Looking for the perfect poem to share with a friend? Here's one where friendship looks beyond the present and into the heart of a cast of comrades. THE WALL is in the portfolio of upcoming, writing.com poet, TK. Nice work, dear author. Keep them coming and readers will keep reading." April Sunday
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"COLORING THE WORLD is a wwww.writing.com contest calling for flash fiction of 500 words limitations. Or poetry. Sponsors, donations, prizes, just a click away. Current prompt: "A world without rainbows." Suppose the brilliance of happy-go-lucky qualms may interpret this as sad. Or entries may argue the state of the environment. However, this revver saw a few yesterday and these are splendidly picturesque." 8/21'7 April Sunday
Now this clocks in as one major pet peeve. My pet peeve since you're asking /// ______ --- delete. Well, sorry, dear author, but since we don't have a dictionary's worth of space here, best skip the answers for now. However, Ennanzus, your prose is kinda comical.
Cordially,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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"TK offers the poem, WAITING FOR LOST LOVE on Auto-Rewards. Stanzas outline the sequeal. Also offer that certain poetical calling at: "So come now my heart to me." If only it was this romantically easy, smile." April Sunday
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Short story without "to be continued ... "
Or chapter ... can't find this information. However, very pleased encountering OF WOLVES AND MEN from Papa G.
OF WOLVES AND MEN is certainly novel/ novella material.
OVERALL: To clinch reader brevity do two things, Papa.
1.Suggest much tossing of superficial throughout.
2. Including past perfet tense.*
* From: HODGES' HARBRACE HANDBOOK, Thirteenth Ed. "Sometimes the simple past tense can replace the past perfect."
Chronological order:
Highlights of the second par may reform for a first par hook re: Vincenzio's romantic life.
Starting with a first par like this, while an eye opener for the author's thoughts to hit the paper, creating a startling scene .. may be abrupt for some readers.
Suggest first par contents blend farther down.
Like "Robber Baron" details. If you give an exact date, such as June 19, 1892 --- at the start and give Mayburry a state you may sound a tad more believable for the old west flair you are trying to capture without geographic details. Yes, it's fiction but still setting can't always be flub-dubbed off like wasted skinflakes. Still, all suggestions are only if as author, you feel you can use them at your own discretion, G.
Keep -- wealthy ladies elegant garments --- While "sirens" pertains to all the ladies?
Stradivarious in a story is a four star in my book, kid.
Cut sentence length: E.g.(only) ... his violin, replaced by the piano, an instrument closest to his soul.
You want the action not heavy background, perhaps.
sheats == sheets
At: "large wooden door" ... eclipses with "tendrils of light, a beacon for his footsteps"... light from the "blinds." Not likely a saloon bed-sit, an hotel room has blinds. Victorian NY? -- still lace curtains. Want light --- may depend on moonlight.
LOVE: "Until the final Amen."
TEFF is totally unprepared .. should have known at the teeth, plus Wolves & Men in title.
Twist in the tale --- flows fine.
The entire "anxiety" par begs for a second glance, a possible re-edit. See, maybe not nec at all. Guy's attacked, gangs are in place.
Great ploy as poker players sing like canaries in frontier fiction fashion.
Love: Papa G's "Beer, fourth seat at the table." Which is a 3-top (three guests.)
Of: " ... he had hid his mind in" try -- mental escape.
When the slasher is marauding --- moving quick yes. Different syn. required.
Imagine a father's pride, a son's grief, a family together in thoughts and deeds. Then eventually stories, memories and thankfully poetry becomes something to share, emulate, depend on at quiet soulful times.
Here, Jerry Powell, who is indeed Teff's prefered author of choice anyday of the year ... offers a poem from son, Chritopher Powell.
Chris's poem is a tribute to his brother.
Oh, how one may cry actual tears with ---
"Waiting until they were gone
And it was just you and me ..."
The above enlightens emotional strife of just a few.
But, apparently one thing fer sure ...
The Powell Boys are jampacked with talent, bliss and sympathetic leanings which after all is both the essence of poetry, fine fiction and family genre.
Best in all even climate and summer storms. Thank You, Mr Powell.
Waking up on a rainy morning, finding Jerry Powell posts another item on Auto Rewards is an answer to a readers dream. Mr. Powell writes with emotion, logistical knowledge and caring strength of a "father & grandfather" from way out West in Texas.
FIVE LIGHTS TO TRUTH offers a personal slant and family portrayal Powell style once more.
Five heroes grace these pages as Jerry explains the trying, sorrowful times.
Thanks for: "Cancer, a plague caused by environmental irresposibility ..."
Vivid vocabulary even in the aftermath of loss re: "five everyday Americans."
Jerry, Fiona fixed scones for breakfast (chomp) and we're enjoying the feast. She says to tell you ... FIVE LIGHTS TO TRUTH is one of your best pieces.
Here we also hear from an ex-cop, our Jerry, about regrets on fixing past mistakes.
Fioana the trixster looks closely at your Aug 21 c-rite.
You can fix a few:
typo: pain space (grief)
that which or what was good about them
(See where I mean?)
LOVE --- "honky-tonk man"
Used to be in the old days when Miss TEFFY joined in Oct 2004, reading Jerry Powell's portfolio of crime fiction really thrilled a gal. Still does. Today, nothing has changed for this revver.
The only difference 2004 --- 2007? Jerry Powell just gets better and better.
Reinventing: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Rev by: April Sunday
LET THIS CONTEST REV BEGIN!
please hold on ...
"TEFF, do you like this one?"
"Absolutely, Fiona. And you?"
"I love it .... looks like a well-read host ... looks grand ...
Sorry, a little discussion @ the office.
"Title -- TWISTED TALES CONTEST
Author: Arakan the Twisted Raccoon
"Arakan, your hook sentence snares the devil out of me ...
Raccoon sez: "You don't have to have a twisted mind to enter this contest, but it helps."
Then ... you credit your artist for TWISTED TALES stunning picture --- community spirit shown.
Arkan supplies a call for short stories to fulfill a personal ken for twist 'n the tale with great flair.
Look for a bilio of popular twisters.
Wanted are well-crafted story plots aiming along a ribald, rocky roadbed until the twist rears its wily horns.
WE need intriguing works like these. W.C is high on the list of search tools worldwide in the contest category.
The sole judge, the contest creator mentions being "an expert in figuring out the twist."
Like: Checkmarks before the rules
3,500 wd limit ... Praise God!
Deadline: Aug 31
Oh, boy, oh, boy ...
Non-winning stories can enter next round ... WOW!!Nice touch, like the never ending contest.
OUCH! TEFF!
Teff got so excited, she twisted her foot in the PC cords, fell off the edge of the desk and now lies below the salt flats of Utah ... happy to meet this talented ...
contest host ... Fiona
Contest incentives here and also on:"Invalid Item"
"Evelyn- Writing on Fire offers Chapter One of her childrens's fantasy novel on Auto Rewards Page 2. Thomas is a young student whose teacher takes him under her wing explaining that classroom jibes he wallows under may set him apart. However, Thomas takes hold of his environmental crisis with magic dragons and a unicorn named Silver Snow. One can easily applaud how interesting this setting and plot may soundly appeal to the intended audience. Good Job, EV!!!" Fiona T.Teffom//
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Title: THE BEST
Author: OneJaguar
Genre: fiction/ contest entry/ bowling
c-rite: today
Jag, dearie this is one fabulous & witty short story.
THE BEST is listed on CONTEST PAGE due to the genre choice, but that's great. Although, not a contest this author provides other tipoffs for the ken we all seem to energetically render for contest on wc.
We host them, we enter 'em and we love 'em. In this case, One Jaguar's time spent crafting the tale of a spectre bowl-aram world alas rolls down the lane with the western flair of main character, Dice.
Great name for the six foot babe.
When Dice relates to ace/ legend bowler Johnny Green: "Why I could outbowl you anytime old man." I laugh and laugh and laugh.
So, Fiona Teffom is set up like a pin about to be struck down in her prime ... reading ... revving.
Hook looks fine, Jag.
Here is where you are going to be the very first person to ever receive the cowbell/comma award.
llllllllllllllllllllllllll ...
Sidebar: ....
Please substitute comma with the word "cowbell." You may chant, cowbell, comma, cowbell, comma in order to get used to cowbell, cowgirl, cowbell, comma, cowbell.
Review NOTE: If this short story is meant for a contest it is not necessary to use a cowbell infront of "kid." OneJaguar does not break stride and do so within dialogue quotation marks.
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Thus: Johnny Green (the legend bowler) goes to Dice:
"I want to thank you kid." This revver notes and pleasantly lauds no cowbell before kid which is fine by me, excellent form really.
(For some of you who are not aware last sentence 'and' is substitued by a cowbell after me but before excellent ... my words. THIS IS ACCEPTABLE IN PUBLISHED WORKS. Fiona Teffom )
THE BEST stands readily filled with laughter, setting, theme, sport, modern day fantasy and believe it or not ....
A slight twist around every curve that bowling ball takes down the grand "42 Lane" enchalada and into bowling history.
For the love of God, dear Hooves, had no idear how moommmooooo marvelously handsome ... and srumptious your looks. You truly age into a very handsome stud.
Imagine being in Ireland! Oh, Hooves, I so want to sign up and go to the Shetland Islands where there's a call for emigration/ writers. (?)
Ah, maybe someday.
Well, thanks for sharing. Snapshot on!!!
Cordially,
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July 19, 2007
Writing.com author/poet, JamdownJenny (love the pen name, BTW) ...
offers ODE TO 9/11 on Auto Rewards, page 3.
Wow, when taken as a whole like this and placed inside small (brief) confides of poetry form, readers may or may not agree that our memory of this day is both still very much alive and horrified.
Yet, to declare of the worst US disaster/ catastrophe to hit the Eastern Seaboard and not be from a natural cause such as a hurricane, dear, dear, Jenny ...
Maybe the line "What a mess ... is simply in need of a tad of re-writing/ re-wording at "mess." You decide.
Thanks for posting. Keep up all the good works offered in your poetry.
Cordially, TEFF
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