"For MOON OVER THE OCEAN by Anbhas Mac Fiach, this reviewer / fiction writer / poet is terribly afraid to write more words than the sonnet contains. For this is, readers, authors, poets, members, guests an eloquent piece. Comparisons of a broken heart coupled with the Ocean side's drifting, swaying beauty where many travel to think things thru, may startle readers of Moon Over The Ocean. Nice title BTW."
Thanx for this one.
Cordially, from Teff
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DELUSIONS a poem by Very Sara attempts and does describe the bug of all bugs the infamous fever.
The poem lives up to genre biographical and personal. Of genre choice artistic, this reviewer remains skeptical there.
Like == "I have never known this paralysis" == with rhyme. Center of poem for syllables and catchy word paralysis, pivots stanzas with an accurate swing.
The Suggestions:
I like caps at beg of each line. Perhaps try those. If you like and it fits for YOU. Common acceptable format. Tells me in poetry that a new thought starts or a new thread.
Cute, kinda. Felt the fever sounds more serious, (my take) but clueless really.
"An elephant, Bamba roams "the plains of the Serengeti" in this great read by story-teller, author K S Reetz. Bamba wields controversial thoughts with an indignant claim for a new king of the jungle.
Enter Taco an elephant with a "sexy Spanish accent" and soon you have a near riot. For this hilarious tale. dear readers, authors, guests ... wait until you reach the brouhaha. After the elephants swim in imported moonshine.
Grand setting! Love quips and exagerations like "zero to sixty MPH" one of many.
Now K S, suggest cutting your predicates to shorten the piece. If you were wrting this de Hispanol which I venture to guess may be possible ... allow less past tense. This will make the flow go a bit easier for readers and enhance jokes at the same time.
Funny? Lordy, yes.
Thank you. This is a tale of mishap that Writing.C can be very proud to display.
Now, Girl. You are just gettin to darn good. This honest-to-God, historic poem, c-rite Oct 2K4 is the best I ever read on US happenings.
Spanning over FIFTY YEARS with delicate balance and cadence, Sunflower offers a real treat with her poem IT WAS ALWAYS BURNIN (an add on to a Billy Joel song, aw heck he won't mind.)
Love == '61 Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger In a Strange Land"
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs Invasion."
Fabulous == "Bill Bates, tax rebates ..."
This writer / author knows her stuff, research firm. Thus you go Girl!
Now Sunflower, I know I revved you before, please visit:
A holiday poem from Norksquad: THE CHURCH BELLS CHIMED is sorta what the doctor ordered this morning.
Well titled.
Like: "As the church bells pealing grows." Pealing a word we don't use often enough. Writers can apply this to voices. Mental note for self. I'm stealing pealing, Nork.
Like: "I see the Babe upon the throne."
Calming line in time of stress or pain.
Of into: Small things bring Christmas joy ... seems suffieicent for a short work.
Teff tries poetry in Feb. Contagious these rhyme time reads. Glad to learn from THE CHURH BELLS CHIMED, c-rite
Jan 2005. Glad they ring every Sunday throughout the world.
Thanx Nork. Best Luck everyday.
OH, nearly forgot, try to cut down a tad on 'the' with premise not every noun needs a the.
"Author Anne Finley's THE LEGEND OF MR BICKERSTAFF is what story telling is all about. Set n 1837 a devil of a fierce man marries a maiden, much to the dismay of the countryside."
Anne, the story's great. Kept me interested to know the results which yu set us up in the best of all lead in ways throughout the ghost tale. Good job!
Keeping to your venacular -- Perhaps try for Yes, tell us. Pray, tell us.
Intro is great: Man sells his soul to the devil.
lllllll SIDEBAR: Teff did a protest story last Spring: Confess With The Devil, published in the UK. Thus first hand knowledge of what Anne is attempting re: manifestation. llllllllllllllllllll
Love: " ... fresh breeze after a long stale winter" Great line!
Physical character details rt down to sneers, frowns. etc.
When the story moves on with: "A young man came forward ... he knew the secret,"
Ms Finley also supplies the climax hook.
Oh, believe it, she sets her readers up in a manner of suspence.
Of the lovely maiden: "... she disappeared into his estate."
And You, dear readers, authors, members and guests must enjoy this one as soon as
you get a chance. A Feb 2005 c-rite on Writing.Com which is a good basis for how-to-write a good story and captivate reders at the same time.
Two things, Anne dear.
1. Render that English countryside setting for us. Easily enough, you have the dialogue pretty much. Research with photo & geog online is my suggestion. Even trees near the lake. Not exactly fog. (Reading about Whitechapel lately supplies too much fog for me>) Well you get the picture.
One teeny biff. Of Biskerstaff. This to me implies Bickering staff. Disgruntled employee-wise. Into the foray find those Eng heritage names. The compund names. Heathersmith eg. Whatever. I found Bickerstaff to be the wrong name for the title. For no good reason whatsoever, but you read this suggestion, Anne, hon.
A change in the name may make the story even better, see? Could be a real name, if so sorry. Just doesn't fly.
Well, thanks for listening. And thank you for this one.
GIVE WORDS TIME, a new poem from the folder of Ann Ticipation is a play on words, we need appreciate & ponder.
Lately sitting by the window watching birds at the feeders, exausted from 3 review awards & being No. 50 for rev's last month ... I took up a few poems. One gets heat, the other is hot off the presses.
With Ann's explanation of the poetic muse, I see why I penned them at all.
Thanks Ann. You work improves, always rings and says a lot in short verse.
What a fantastic suggestion for your contest. I opened ContestNewsletter very much too late. My favorite thing when I read a story is setting. One likes to be put there like an anchor at the bottom of the sea, almost. Once I worte that without setting the charcters are walking around in a void.
Your contest is a generous one, well planned and you have over 39 posters who will conquer the setting bug, I'm sure.
"Psyhic actress meets Robert on the way to Indiana."
Play format. Oft times scene change missing a setting.
Contention of characters meeting with a stalled car, then sitting side by side on a jet. Maybe consider dropping the highway scene. If it fits, and YOU like it.
Conversation at an Indianappolis diner a tad unusual with no heading lead in.
Convo covers mob revenge to a dead dame.
Pretty racy town, Indy? Wow! What a stretch. Author needs back up reseach for that stretch and lead ins. Or it shoots out of nowhere.
=== Like, hey wanna hear how the mob hates me? Cream or sugar? (Teff's words not authors.)
Act 2. Scene 2 --- where invisible.
Also missing is the rural Indiana family from the intro. Oh, the hooligans?
Inquring minds want to know.
Overall C. And yes this Jan copyrite drama has potential and may be saved.
Jumping off the podium here from Alabama Courier News Times (a fic paper) and into reality. With your so-called poem: THAT'S WHERE I MET REALITY, we need examine if this item is in fact poetry. No, it is not.
It is of course a rant. No problem there.
If it is intended for a poem, a sep at every line ending will greatly help.
Shorten. Poems needn't rhyme, they can be prose. You are so close to a prose poem.
Now the suggestions I can't make any other than the above.
In Sum: again a young woam scorned, bares all about her stuck-up lover. Perhaps a sexy hunk she met thru friends. He's there, she's there. Maybe no love lost at betwixt the two of them. Fiction? Yes.
Say yes, Innocent 187. You have a startling brainstorm page going here for realism. The first few lines rhyme, some lines rhyme.
Well, guys roll out the carpet, a start of either a poem or an essay, a compostion found. Everyone will already like That's Where I Met Reality and recognize the earstwhile potential. Teffy sure did. Serious.
"A WOMAN scorned ... (in LETTING GO by Shawnie, copyrite July 2004) writes an essay of her feelings to the ex-hubby. 'First love, first kiss' ... then BA Boom! Absent lover. First person narrative, pen to paper, a marriage summary, feelings intact & heart broken. Until hope with the words: It is a time for me to heal." Dear Readers, pick this up to see what happens everyday accoss the USA."
From the fictitious Book Section of Alabama Courier News Times / Feb 3
The Suggestion: More paragraphs, please.
If a letter, no salutation. In fact try to sep marriage/ kids, recital sum from Dear John letter. And if possible & it fits & YOU like it ... make that distinction clearer. Good job overall. Respond to
"Enjoy philospphical poetry with Death in the genre? Take up ALL I REALY WANT by Madman at Large. Read from grapes @ Safeway to PC's and black holes. Travel 'back in time' via 'pen & paper' & dreams."
Review from the desk of Managing Editor of the fictitious Alabama Courier News Times/ Feb 3.
The Suggestion: Check excessive comma usage. Genre of philosophy unmet. Genre of Writing == also unmet.
Don't worry. If you go back to the drawing board with this poem, let me know. So I can move over & make room for you, Mr Madman. As lots or authors spend months of time there. Best Luck.
On the other hand, sad & maudlin may have a place in contests. Who knows? Another venue, maybe.
Content rating. Advise: try again. Breath in, breath out; think of other things today. === Cordially, Teff
"Follow Juan Morales escapades in Cuidad-del-Dios. Mark well his wife, Margarita Morales's fun loving life. Note the couples estrangement, spelling their daily fare. UNTIL 'El Emperador' arrives, offering a fortune for a pearl necklace from Juan, the master jeweler. With certain strings attached.
WILL Margarita "disappear forever without a trace?"
Maybe yes, maybe no.
This Review from the Books Sec of ALabama Courier Times.
Teff feels lucky tonight. Found another 5 star plus.
MONSTER, a short story by Andrea begins with a perfect opening sentence or hook.
Perhaps a tiny hold up in this fast paced drama is verb contention.
llllllllll Sidebar: Note to all authors. Of <We been, we was, we were, we could coupled with the actual action, sit, grow, fall (eg) are sometimes not nec === These verb sandwiches not the author's words but Teff's pet peeves lately. llllllll
Ms Andrea stalk predicates with an exacting once over. Hall out the fine-tooth comb. MONSTER is fine as is. Merely a toss out hint one writer to another. Publishers look for quick tense alignments. So try to tighten here & there. If it fits and YOU like the end result.
Marvelous, explanatory lead-on with: "Childish curiosity soon gets in the way of polite behavior."
Emotional genre met. Absolutely!
Teff knows @ " ... a terrible shame what happens to that boy ...."
MONSTER is a "Twist in the tale" MUST READ, members, authors, guests. With a proper ending.
Andrea, are you getting too good or what?
Oh and don't forget to consider your work for contest entries for flash fic on web.
WAITING ... a timely romantic poem by Flip go Eagles is a lovely fun read. Especially quoatable for Valentine's day, when we ask the poet's permission. One can see a gift for poetic craft here, copyrite Jan 22.
Like how it (love) kills, pains among other lines.
Going to Helen & John ref. Thanks there, Teff ID's with tie-ins like these. Well done!
Flip, dear: If you are wondering about cupids or contest, this is a winner. Wink.
Best of Luck and do keep rhyming on. One can see you do your homework.
THERE GOES MY ANGEL, a poem by Gentlebird found Sunday, Jan 23 on Request Review Page is a mixture of a stimulating vocab, which Gentlebird brings to the round table of Poetry here @ Writing. The website with tons of poetry.
Gentlebird, if this is only your second poem, you have a talent for your craft.
Like: "Reality slowly seeps thru my thoughts disrupting . . ." The word disrupting gives the poem it's umph and there you chose well for sound.
Also like: "Encouraging words ... " sent in last sent. A romantic is Gentlebird.
Check out this groovy list of Review forums. And they say Reviewing is addictive. Really, I hadn't noticed.
Tons of things to do, places to go, people to see & read? Forum descriptions hereon will stop you in your tracks.
Overall well done, links present and accounted for, to be sure.
What are you waiting for? Get all your review needs satisfied before your very eyes. Hope for all genres, styles, mixed bags, er suitcases. Hurry while they still last.
Rare. tell-all, genres emotional / family ... non-fiction item: OF DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES from author Nada happy to be back is a riveting tale of woe.
First par, good summary of life in the fast lanes with this kid. To Mom's anguish explained with "six years of sobriety."
Shocked discovery in the kitchen a "homeless encampment" with "marching ants" details one can almost see. Visions regale a return to the problem: drugs.
Author, Nada's postcript! Wow! Click & read this emotional piece, readers & guests. What an eye-opener. Good Luck & please write on.
Cordially from Teff. Cheer up, spend a few moments talking Lit @
Good morning Sunflower, Haven't we all wanted to say that from time to time? Especially on a rainy day.
Your poem, CIRCUS CIRCUITS c-rite Aug 2004 is so tough. Me; in old Philly slang, really neat. I digress, sorry. But it just seems to make sense.
If, in fact, you compare your computer with yourself, and I mean anyone, Ms Texas, they really become extensions of ourselves. We dress em up with family photos, wash em with soap and water or windex etc.
Sunflower in Texas's line:
"Kinesiolgy a more physical theology"
centers CIRCUS CIRCUITS, takes it to the bank and brings it home.
<> <> <> <> <> Intro: " A poem dedicated to the memory of my sister, Betty, who died in my arms, Jan 9, 2004" is the loving heartfelt opening for HOLDING HANDS from Ann Ticipations tribute poem.
Close to a year ago, Dear Ann, you wrote this poem. My sympathies for your loss.
Driving home from my dad's sick room this morning, I had occasion to recall this poem which I read last year, for I like your poetry, your style. I know I reviewed your work before, and you write and thank me, wish me happy holidays.
Lines such as these, "Green eyed Betty, beautifully slim and auburned haired" and from the stanza opening "Plymouth ... "We grew, loved, wed, gave birth" tells us of honorable Life which sister's live.
Expressed for all to share and view, Readers, Guests, visit Ann's port and enjoy her talent, weep and become chargrined with these lives we lead, this world we're in.
Thanks, Ann, stay well with best wishes in this new year.
Dear Mr Master: Hellos, nice piece, very informative, thanks.
Everyone check this out!
Just cruising around our fantastic website and found the column Story Master posted last Aug, 2004. Which surely applies today and how.
This posting by our leader, guys & gals explains how we can spread the word to other websites of the many opportunities that Writing. Com provides members & guests. Links & suggestions well outlined.
Check this fine synopsis out if you don't believe me.
And Mr. Story Master, thanks from the heart for all you do for us. Happy New Year, Captain. Best to you and yours in 2005!
Review For: Addiction Comes In Many Forms, the brief poem by poetess Amethyst touches the reader, wheher the reader be he or she.
It is a well rhymed poem and that sound, the beat only adds to the predicament. Namely a snynopis about a woman who apparently is smitten with a player.
The player often leaves to "visit his girl."
Although, the girl, the side-dish: " ... falls deeper in love."
lllllll Dear Amethyst: I like ADDICITON COMES IN MANY FORMS. The last stanza is haunting. Good Luck & Rhyme on! lllllll
Editors, Readers, Guests ... this one comes with editing points for direct feedback which the author welcomes.
From Shamelss Plug Page in the first slot one spies easy enough, a poem by Poetess, Bekah Rae.
I liked OLD PAIN. Opening stanza presents a good summary with "Just a girl // trying to be a woman." (Hold on, what's the rush anyway. Life in the ast lanes, jobs, kids. from Teff)
Love: ref of Her for The World, that's grande.
Intro met. Quote "Personal but honest look @ one's self."
Genres: Emotional --- check
Romance // Love --- a stretch
Spriritual --- tiny bit.
Author Fireexi's THE PHONE WAS STILL DEAD offers up on a silver platter with well written prose, a seasonal tale with an ironic twist. Reminiscient of short story great O'Henry who thralled us with the final ivy leaf painted high up on a brick wall ... we can look to Fireexi for an imaginitive similarity ... not by subject ... but by the seldom used Twist.
Carryng off the twist seems done with ease and is so spontaneously presented, we've not much of a clue.
A dead phone, plans to give the fam a good Christmas, a retiree Naval Life Ins policy. A few nasty nasty pills. Where there's a will there's a way. I have a feeling this author's reasoning borders on impressing his readers with surprise.
Objections vary from me on cutting down seconds and heartbeat count in par that begins "The liquid ...
Merry Merry, Dear Author & Happy New Year
Cordially from Teff
Dec 24, 2K4
PS Intro met. Author Quote: "A story about a man who struggles with ... financial difficulties of life." Overall good job.
PS Sorry I took the last letter of your name to be an L, the other week. My mistake. Weren't you Deployment Poem's author? Well enjoy the holidays.
Like how can she (Miss Teff) write such a great short story of her very own, in her portfolio ... when avg ariel font is a little bewildering?
Eh, I manage. Ten-four
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