Jan 31, 2010
"Bold maneuvers ensue when two boys compete in a down hill slide. When the oldest one tumbles off his toboggen, his "heart" beating ... one fears for the younger brother's safety. In JOEY AND ME ... street sledding as dangerous sport comes thru loudly & clearly." Rev sent fromteffom@writing.com
Whew, what a ride.
Hello ... Bill Wilcox, thanks for your wintery submission for 2009's "Invalid Item"
"When a jolly snowman, whom Bill Wilcox informs readers is "the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet" then grants a five year old boy's Christmas wish, a neighbor shows sympathy and Santa arrives ... one can only marvel at believable well rendered dialogue. All present and accounted for in THE SNOWMAN'S GIFT." Jan 31. 2010 --- Rev mailed -- Cordially from TEFF /// "Invalid Item"
Note: well placed, detailed adverb --- "quizzically."
Yummy, viva adverbs!
Good morning and a belated HAPPY New Year to billwilcox
"Keeping to Southern vernacular throughout, a kind main character rescues an "alien" invader from his "rooftop." Replacing a TV dinner with a magically produced, traditional table fair, turkey et all ... adds to the humor in this one." Rev sent --- Cordially from teffom@writing.com
"Invalid Item"
"FAMILY CHRISTMAS by cunning author, BIG BAD WOLF is a dash of realism which more authors should consider. Yes, find the gift line up, tree decor, gathering kin ... "
Hold the phone, Big Bad Wolf ... now this I like --- "a balled wrapping paper fight." (?) Good heavens.
lllllllllllllll SIDEBAR llllllllll Now as tie in, an author stepping out of rev shoes ... thinking 'tis moi who grabs tiny paper scraps because wrapping paper is pretty and one does not condone wastefulness ... thus saving a keepsake
ensues. Everyone at our house hates that; they are as protective of gift paper as they are their own children. llllllllllllllll
Review continues:
"Inside the holiday treasure, FAMILY CHIRSTMAS, where relatives show a sense of humor one may enjoy a ribald treat of first hand knowlege re: "wrapping paper fights." So, WDC, readers you won't want to miss out on these goings on at the house of THE BIG BAD WOLF.
PLUS!!! this generous ending." ///Rev sent from teffom@writing.com /// "Invalid Item"
Gp enclosed ala complimentary prizes for both entries.
Well my my my here's an unusual story, submitted into 2009's "Invalid Item"
Thanks and find your gp token incentive sent via this rev, BIG BAD WOLF, while duly note your genre.
"A MONSTER'S SOLDIER'S CHRISTMAS evokes a splendid werewolf tale which then includes sentries exchanging convo, information on watch. A rifle is lowered and tales re: a new born bab one the previous Christmas are exchanged. A proud unlcle celebrates the birth of his nephew, Jesus. A good take as a holiday tie-in." Rev sent cordially from teffom@writing.com /// "Invalid Item"
Your entries are being read this morning. Good luck in the contest, dear author.
Now of your recent posted poem: RIVERSIDE, due note you already mention in your poetry intro that interpretation is up to many different aspects.
The refrain rings a bit. This poem seems to convey a place that is quite old hat to the narrator, whom might be fictitious. Perhaps dreams are of a different location for a spate. The poem also details an environmental side as observed @ both ... "cars & hollows."
While on the other hand, folks dream of a silence where nature is key --- not in the poem --- yet evoked somewhat.
AT: "City of gold" --- here's the dream, am I right? Yet, maybe there is no true Shangrala, my dear.
Hello, J ... very nice to meet you. This is a fantastic revival of Wilcox's former haunt. The dialogue only story is a ton of fun to write, while this week's prompt is most pleasant. Won't say that prompt on PRC (pubrevcentral-- an abbrev for Public Reviews) ... but do hope folks come on down to your digs and enter.
Your donor list is most crowded and shows ongoing interest for this bitem.
Also, glad you mention the heads up in what you are seeking ala story conception and inclusion re: writing basics.
Need not twist my arm here, am thinking about that prompt, my dear.
Hello Lew and welcome to http://www.writing.com. No doubt as months go by you will find many places for poetry contests and writing contest onsite. So enjoy!
OF: FOR MY LOVE ... here the poet presents both a change from single-hood to being in a relationship. When one spots the line:
"I may be strong, but don't be coy
You make me feel as but a boy ..."
Here, the romantic side seems to again take shape. Thanks for posting. RHYME ON!!
Hello Cher and welcome to WDC. Your posted poem: A DEAD DREAM indeed details much to be expected when day dreaming of a love (and is also timely seasonaly writing wise for next month.)
As this intro indicates memory surrounds the narration of something past. And one may observe this in the following, pivot lines, perhaps.
Favorite line:
"With echoes of your voice
Calling out my name."
Thanks for posting.
Rev sent --- Cordially from TEFF
"THE PUMPERNICKEL AND THE PICKLE is a title to grab one by the collar on any day of the week. Here read of a biker, a chick and a sandwich which this poem rates highly in a deliciously witty tale." Rev sent Cordially from TEFF "Invalid Item"
Good morning Hopeless and a hearty welcome this cold wintry day to http://www.writing.com. Hope the site cheers you etc and you negotiate the many poetry outlets etc.
Now, off: FIGHT.
While on some occasions one often beholds small or lower case letters for opening sentences inside poetry, we usually overlook that ... as it is acceptable for print publications. The Library of Congress, Dewey decimal system shows poetry generally begining in non fiction shelves @ 811.
However, a bit of a no no, despite this emotional tell all, you present here, is the lower case i for first person prounoun: namely: "I." Works will be taken more seriously onsite by reviewers, readers and raters after this future edit comment is adhered to.
Thanks for posting, nice to meet you, stay well and warm ...
Your poem COMPARISON reads well re: life as a plant or identity as a tree. The final line explains perhaps or at least contains an about face to the rest of the listed plant life. Which then blends the message.
Now of your item intro which pegs the poem's meaning usually. One sees this intro is at once allusive. Not a problem if we take poetry to be interpreted (and hopefully enjoyed) by both reader and writer.
Yes, most writers are avid readers, too a given @ {itm:1323687}
Next am thoroughly stuck @ "girious" ... then went all over the place, unfound in any of the TEFFOM April Sunday desk references. Tried three online dicitonaries, nada. The first one rather baited me with ... word searching ala: "If you have a lot of spare time.
Did however locate girish --Me: girlish right here the second go @ my office.
So, like the poem, like the chase, like the feel of meeting & greeting a brand new community member who starts the ball rolling with vocab words.
A blustery welcome to wc. Cold & windy here, sorry, I digress.
Your poem POUNDING AT THE DOOR, dearly lives up to title. The first person narration lives up to decisive indecision part way thru ... overcome by poem's end.
Two mini future edits of note:
hinder me --- hinders
runaway (a noun) here two words run away
no hear --- not? Thus: not hear
Happy end of Jan and enjoy your new membership. This site is warm every winter.
Good morning, Sena, How nice to meet you, welcome to the train called a perpetual cargo holder of written works ... know exclusively as our writing website ... ours as in community .. http://www.writing.com
Your poem, MOONLIT NIGHT WITH MY LOVE deserves a five star rate for poetic keeping to sound. Also, the tale inside the poetry (story poetry in a sense) portrays an ease of relaxation, although a difficult subject is handled quite well.
Seen here are two important E's of writing well ... Education & Escape.
Even though the subject (character) is mentally bruised ... the simplicity he alludes temporarily (let's hope) provides a forgetful aside for moi, [a] revver/ author/ novelist/ poet waking @ her desk.
Oh ... and great good luck with DARK HORSE. Hope you keep us posted on your novel's upcoming publishing progress. Sena, liked finding your interesting bio listings.
indicates to a tee what is partially imagined & contained in your opening hook sentence.
The former is the tell all which tends to intrigue an audience. Very good.
A few minor corrections === is it customary for "samurai" to be known as "great worriers" --- do you mean warriors?
Naturally for future lyrics can see the turn about as any situation amid flying arrows might result in consternation.
over come --- one word, hon.
AT: the guy's head detail of: "a top knot" can you please elaborate in a future edit and research this colloquial hair do? Well, of course but a dream type pen.
Can drop "the" at conclusions of this essay ... thus "the cherry blossoms" can stand alone as cherry blossoms. Plural denotes understanding and readers surely will not be appalled with one less article, namely: t=h=e.
Lastly, almost over, sweetheart, welcome to wc, BTW ...
RE: wind sections. Results for tying this one together, poviding a wind up ...
Now, my my my ... a simple reality stipulation, an observation, an author-to-author hint ...
This "loud" wind must be pretty obnoxious. For in rare cases "screaming" is often heard during hurricane force prevailing winds actually.
Plus, dapple the tale with a bit more adjective/ adverb specialties then this one sets sail ... post possible edits, luv.
Best here at http://www.writing.com, best happiness all thru Twenty TEN and nice to meet you, Kayame.
Rev sent publically, cordially from teffom@writing.com
Couple of things right off the mark, Kitson. Your intro reads well, credentials noted.
Sentences should be tied together and not broken as is poetic form, not prose. Also, a bit impossible to read, but never fear, this writer trudges along. Like the tale
Well, pretty sure you already are aware.
of the above remark. Simply a critique, my dear mentioning for next edit.
Next: Not too early, the way celebrations break across global adverts .. an author-to-author hint ... perhaps squeeze in "shillelagh" ... thus tie to St. Pat's (re:timely)
Reading this attention demanding pen, prompts this freelance journalist (myself) to look for more research sources. Inside an msn.com search noted for great details for source spots, surprisingly one finds an availability of so few.
The New York Times lists a mere fifteen citations. Are we to ask again what news coverage we receive is both quality or quantity worthy?
I hope, Jenny will visit "Invalid Item" and post any further information. I hope the writer of this poem shall write an article. Granted very important issues can be and are discussed on many writing websites worldwide. We are in the era of blogging news as well. Exposing situations such as Hurrincane Katrina (et all) are up to authors & members to read, write and supply commentary, of course as so desired.
Jenny, thanks for writing this one, & posting public ... your intro prompts the following link.
I quickly yield the floor to those who already know about this merciless killing of 46 people.
Jenny, here is a real review which you may attach anywhere you so please.
"A MOTHER'S SONG IN MASALAY ... defines, describes and disputes the
unspeakable scenes and aftermath of what came to be known worldwide as The Maguindanao Massacre of Nov 25, 2009, a terrible tragedy, little reported in modern times." Rev sent from author, teffom@writing.com /// "Invalid Item" Jan 23, 2010
"COMMERCIAL BREAK is a writing.com item which offers a fine way to start your morning or end your eve by viewing a summary of authors' work. Via heavy emphasis on promotional aspects of this venue from Daniel Hardin ... who encourages signing up for this latest boost to fellow WDC members portfolios ... Let's see. Coming to mind is: Don't wait, get in on the ground floor while we thank Hardin for time well spent with such a generous means of advertising for one and all ... provided submissions are acceptable." Rev sent from April Sunday "Invalid Item"
"When author Milhaud - Long Tail sets out to detail the job of a Macy's Santa ... one may as a lucky reader enter behind the scenes. Also, view toy lists, coworkers and busy sidewalks. What readers may not want to miss is this well dressed gentleman's winter garb. Mr. Smith alias Santa has a secret with a handy knack for toys."
"THE SNOW GLOBE presents a tie to a famous Christmas story. Also, related charcters, Bragg & Baily keep in character thru the story's plotline where their recent past is presented and quite a part of the story. Dallas is the setting during a snow storm. When readers reach the "snow globe" "wish" and a hospital roster dimishes by two patients ... one can only do a few things here. Namely: honestly ... PRAISE this story content from the imagination of Mr. George Lasher, an outstanding member of "Invalid Item" "
PS: George, duly bound to add a few more remarks, so look for a bit more author-to-author hints via the next rev comment section sent.
HAPPY TWENTY TEN, my friend.
FIND: Secret Santa gp inclusive.
Your poem: BLUE INFINITY is just what the doctor ordered this morning as it fits me to a tee.
It simply should go forward without saying that it is rather hard to edit poetry written by another. And I don't edit during reviews anyway. And I find I love this one. Especially enjoy the comparisons drawn between the earth and the sea.
Keep 'em coming and RHYME ON!!!
One hint --- do look in Site Navigation under THINGS TO DO/READ ... for contests taking poetry which you can enter and possibly win.
Dear Judy, Seriously hope you win with LOSING THE OLD, GAINING THE NEW, a contest entry. Which, lost me about half way thru, although still deciphering as I went along.
lllllllllllll Sidebar: llllllllllllll People never believe me when I tell them I do not use a PC online. So, finally with this tidbit, I often quip nowadays ... hey I know a guy also available on "Invalid Item" for any curious Public REV Central onlookers with an interest. lllllllllllllllllll
Buxton, here you excel with all these upsides and downsides of what was originally billed as a free, worldwide, accessable, Internet years ago. Now I ask you, after reading this, we can take the word free out of that advert, right? Naturally, must mention at this point as I just may be under the review microscope again this year thus announcing this rev contains reader reaction plus tie to subject or content.
Then, wondering if the first person narration found in LOSING THE OLD, GAINING THE NEW is relative as fictional or not.
Well, there is a PC which can go online here with cobwebs et all, hardly in use, my friend. Simpler ways are out here. And simple like me is probably in the eyes of the beholder.
Plus who knew from so many phones? My oh my.
Best of all, by reading this, much was learned from your tell all contents. Especially adore the Ipod mix. Great stuff.
Thanks for posting, THE CROSS AROUND MY NECK, Esther. This is a poem which might also dub as a thoughtful prayer.
One typo noted in title --- for around, which assuming you know the spelling for, of course. Thus no subtration in rate.
Also, can not at this time supply "feedback" "critique" for poetry, as poems are often written from the heart or even at the spur of the moment in some cases. Plus, your words here are very understandable, while not all poetry whims are found to be concrete.
RE: the rhyming here, this seems to purport a catchiness inclusively coming from a faith based heart.
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